OPEN-MIKE U.K. VERSUS U.S. !!!

Hello!

The title of this post sounds all very grand and important; but really it's not at all…

I just wanted to briefly update you about my return to reading at the Poetry Café - Poetry Unplugged open-mike evening on Tuesday 25th January 2011. It was the first time I'd been along for quite some months. I read towards the end of the first half and I think I was probably the only person either rhyming or reading more humour-based poetry in that half; usually it's a bit more of a mix. There was quite a lot of free-form poetry about death and break-ups! ;)

I read the following poems - all of the first 3 appear in one of my recent SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos and I'll post links to which ones below. I also managed a quick mention of both the Youtube and Vimeo sites during my 5 minutes:

THE CAFFEINE QUEEN

A piece from DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? which is one of my favourites from my recent books. It was included in my first SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode ON LOCATION IN DORSET back in January 2010.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dHbo3vLD-g or http://vimeo.com/8541628

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

A poem I usually read towards the end of my shows - it first appeared in my collection ROLLERCOASTER in 2002 and later in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation in 2009. I also recorded it for my Valentine's show in February 2010.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhR_PljZay8 or http://vimeo.com/9347050

BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE

A new piece from the next book YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS (2011) which recently appeared in part 3 of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYYzcBIYS34 or http://vimeo.com/18970584

THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A.

This is where the U.S. Open-mike reference comes from. This is a poem from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE - the book after YETI HUGS... which should be out late this year or early 2012; it all depends how fast I get it done. Currently it's going VERY fast!! This piece was first debuted on Facebook earlier this month and is about what somebody said to me after I had read at the enjoyable Cobalt Café Open Mike night in August 2010. Apparently rhyme isn't so popular over there...

Thanks to Julie for going along to support me - I'm going to post the L.A. poem at the end of this post!

More news soon…

Take care for now - yeti hugs!

Paul xx

THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A...


They don't rhyme their poems in L.A...
You know they told me that in person!
I think perhaps they're kinda nervous...
Or have some quite perverse aversion!
Oh, they'd rather write in free-verse...
To pretend they're intellectual...
They cock-a-snoop at limericks –
And declare daft ditties ineffectual...
But what makes a poem work?
Well, it's a lot about the timing...
I thought they liked their hip-hop there –
And isn't rap about the rhyming?
But I don't wanna cause a war –
So I will smile and not start fighting...
Yes, I will rhyme back home in Blighty –
And know I'm right in what I'm writing!

THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A. is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011 - it will be published in late 2011 / early 2012 in the forthcoming collection THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES.

WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON IN SHY YETI LAND!?! :)

Hello!

Well, I did promise a review of all my writing during 2010 and I do still intend to complete that post; but it's going to take longer than expected. I thought instead that I'd like to update you with some other news about stuff that is yet to happen.

Mainly as follows:

1) NEW POETRY VIDEOS

There are now 3 videos from my December 2010 trip to L.A. They are on both Youtube and Vimeo at the following links:

Part 1 is called: LA-LA-LAND...  and can be watched at either: www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0I_x9Xy6tI or www.vimeo.com/18133998

Part 2 is called: VEGAS-VA-VA-VOOM...   and can be watched at either: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF4OlsOeqTY or www.vimeo.com/18238790

Part 3 is called: HOLLYWEIRDNESS and can be watched at either: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYYzcBIYS34 or www.vimeo.com/18970584

I'm undecided as to the title of the 4th part and it isn't ready for viewing yet, anyway, but I'm currently editing this video, which is due sometime in February.

I have also completed filming the next video after that which is provisionally entitled: A YETI IN WINTER and was filmed in the UK between late December 2010 and mid January 2011. There is also an additional episode of SHY YETI TALKS concerning my collection THIRD TIME LUCKY that I'd like to put out before Easter and the legendary lost SHY YETI VS AUTUMN two-part episode which I'd like to return to before the summer; by which time there will most likely be new live material. I also intend to film another SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode in a mainland European city during late April 2011.

2) YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS

I am in the final stage of proofing this book. All the poems and most of the behind the scenes stuff is ready to go. I'm just taking extra care to get the short stories proofed properly. You can see the cover and hear some of the poems from it in the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. It is provisionally due out on Friday 1st April - with a book launch/gig party booked at The Poetry Café for Saturday 2nd April. More to follow on this...

3) NEW GIGS

I am hoping to go to open-mike night tomorrow for the first time in a while. More on that if and when it goes ahead. As mentioned I am planning a book launch/gig on Saturday 2nd April 2011. I am also working with Julie Howell PR to put on a show at The Poetry Café with a number of other creative types on Thursday 16th June 2011 - but once again; more on that and how to get hold of tickets nearer the time.

4) 100 WORD STORIES AND VAMPIRE COW POEMS

Things are going well with the writing of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES - but this project now looks like it is going to include quite a lot of prose as well as well over 30 new poems. As of January 2011 I have been writing 100 word stories; this came about because I discovered some old ones that I had written during late 1994 and was quite pleased that they still held up so well. Last week I decided to write some more and have written getting on for 20 new 100 word stories which seem to have received some good feedback on Facebook and which I think will work well at gigs and in future Shy Yeti videos. In fact I have recorded 4 of them for SHY YETI IN WINTER… I include one of them below - it's called GRANDPA'S WIG and was only written at the weekend. I hope you'll like it.

5) OTHER PROJECTS

On top of all this I am also working on proofing GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM - with my mum returning to proofreading with this particular book after a break of around 5 years. I am also typing some of the short Mouse stories that I wrote back in 2007 and 2008 for another book of short stories. In addition to this I am working on expanded 10th anniversary editions of both JUNK/FOOD and ROLLERCOASTER my first poetry collections from late 2001 and early 2002.

More news on various projects - including open-mike night if it happens, soon.

Thank you for reading!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx


GRANDPA’S WIG


Tommy was sure his Mum was lying...

“Grandpa wears a wig!” she’d whispered in confidence.

Tommy wasn’t convinced.

Once when Grandpa was sleeping he’d sneaked a quick look himself and sure enough when he tugged at it Grandpa’s luxuriant hair flew off without resistance.

Much to Tommy’s surprise, on Grandpa’s shiny bald head there sat a grumpy-looking rabbit with long white ears. “Some of us are trying to sleep!” it snapped.

Tommy dropped the wig and ran...

Eventually he overcame the shock; but after that every time he saw Grandpa - Tommy always took a carrot with him; just in case...

GRANDPA'S WIG was written on Saturday 22nd January 2011 and is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011

TWO NEW POETRY VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE AND VIMEO

Hi, Just a quick update and some links to the two new videos that I have posted this week.

SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010

A video from my show at the Poetry Cafe a couple of weeks back - more to follow in a day or two on this event with an indepth review of what occurred. This video includes three poems read that night: DISCO YETI, THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS and GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT. You can see some of what went on before - during and after the show at either of these links:

Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU

Vimeo link: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684


SHY YETI TALKS... IF POEMS WERE PIES, CAVEMAN LOGIC, THE SHY LIFE...

The first in an occasional series where I chat about my books and read some of the more obscure poems from them. This interview was conducted on Monday 8th March by Nick Goodman about the three books that I published in 2009 with a poem read from each: MICE, TAP-DANCING, YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH and MY CREATIVE GNU. This interview can be viewed at either link:

Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBSPl1aAWOM

Vimeo link: http://vimeo.com/10176882

To finish with here are a couple of photos from the Medicine Mouth show that I performed at back in February.

More videos and a new book coming soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

RECENT VISITS TO POETRY CAFÉ OPEN-MIKE NIGHTS


TUESDAY 16TH FEBRUARY 2010

Having taken part in the MEDICINE MOUTH – LOVED UP show on Friday 12th February 2010 I discovered that my friend Harry was also available on the Tuesday to accompany me to The Poetry Café open-mike night, which I had not been to since late September 2009. When the show started Harry volunteered me to read at the start and so for the first time so far I was the first poet of the night; which was kind of nice – except for one little hiccup, which I’ll come to in a bit…

These were the poems that I read:

WHY AGNES, YOU’RE LOVELY
FROM: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006)

Although I’ve been reading this one quite a lot in the last year and only just recorded it for inclusion in my SHY YETI’S VALENTINE SPECIAL video of February 2010. I also performed it at MEDICINE MOUTH the previous Friday – but to my knowledge have never read it at the open-mike night. This poem has probably had its moment now – so it is time to let it have a little rest maybe.


CUPCAKE
FROM: THE DEATH OF LOVE (2010)

I decided that I’d really like to read one of my new poems – something written this year and something that I knew nobody would have heard. This one was originally going to be debuted at MEDICINE MOUTH, however in the end I stuck to older pieces. As I read it I also noted a couple of typos – which helped from a proofreading respect! It’s quite a creepy poem really, depending quite what tone it is read in – but I do find it rather delicious to read. It will probably turn up again during my March gig.


I WILL EAT PIES
FROM: RHYMES BEAR STEAL PIES FOR (2007)

Although this is one of my most requested poems – I have not yet posted up a video of it – although I do have a copy of a live version of it from my September 2009 gig and one that I recorded at my friend Anthea’s in Muswell Hill during February 2010. Although I have read it during gigs and at the MEDICINE MOUTH show only days before I don’t believe I have ever read it at an open-mike night. It seemed to go down well, however I was gonged off during the final lines of the 2nd and final verse because I had over-stayed my allotted 5 minutes! D’oh! This was because I was too busy plugging my March gig at the start – you stupid yeti!! Still, people seemed to get the jist…

 
CUPCAKE
 
You're my cup cake - I adore you...
Yes, you are good enough to eat…
If I saw you at the bus stop –
I'd kidnap you on the street!
I would put you in my lunch box –
You are a treat I'm gonna save...
Yes, I will keep you to myself –
You always hurt me, but I'm brave!
Yes, you are really bad for me –
And I'll soon put on half a stone…
But I wouldn't care about my weight –
If I could have you as my own…
If I could keep you in my larder –
If I could nibble you at will…
No, I would never tire of you...
No, I would never get my fill...
You're my cup cake and I love you…
Just so cute upon my plate…
Well, I want you and must have you!
No - you MUST not make me wait!!


You're my cup cake - I adore you…
And you are really quite enticing!
You are quite my favourite candy –
And I like toying with your icing…
I'll place a cherry on your top –
And then I'll kiss your sugar coating…
You are my favourite luxury –
Who deserves some extra-special doting!
I will paint a picture of you –
I will cosset every crumb!
Oh, I'll unpeel your pretty cup –
And wrap it round my chewing gum...
So, are you gonna rot my teeth?
Well, I am sure you're gonna try…
Will you give me diabetes?
Just so sweet I'll surely die!
You're my cup cake and I love you…
I do not wish to seem too needy!
But I want to wolf you down in one –
Yes, I must have you - I'm SO greedy!


You're my cup cake - I adore you…
I do not mean to sound too hasty!
But you have the delicate construction;
Of my favourite Danish pastry!
Is your centre full of jam?
Do you consider me too scruffy?
Oh, your sponge it tastes like heaven –
You are as tasty as you're fluffy!
You are melting in my mouth –
Now you are coursing through my veins!
It doesn't benefit the both of us –
If either one of us abstains...
You have made my fingers sticky!
My clothes I'm gonna have to brush!
You have left yourself across me –
I think I've got an ickle crush!
You're my cup cake and I love you…
But now I crave another bite!
You and I should be together –
But now I doubt we'll last the night!

NEW VIDEOS - UPCOMING POETRY SHOWS...

Hi,

Just a quick post to post a couple of links to recent videos that I've posted on both youtube and vimeo.com

The first is for the 2nd part of my series SUTTON PARK SW1 - which only has a tenuous link to my poetry in that I play a poet called Paul aka Shy Yeti!! You can read more about the making of this episode at http://www.suttonpark.blogspot.com/ - however the links to the episode are below:

SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 2

Vimeo link:    http://www.vimeo.com/9184172
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0brkxlOIaCI

I should add that there are a couple more poetic reasons for watching this episode and they are as follows:

a) at one stage you see the original version of my book JUNK/FOOD in the spiral bound version that it was available in from 2002 until I discovered Lulu in late 2005.

b) A short passage of a poem from JUNK/FOOD - CARELESS TALK COSTS is read during the episode. I intend to post the full version of this at the end of this post.

The next episode of SUTTON PARK SW1 is due toward the end of this month.

The next of my SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos is also now completed and was posted on monday. This one has a Valentine's day theme and was recorded earlier this month and includes the poems: BLUE EYED LOVER, HOPELESS ROMANTIC, WHY AGNES - YOU'RE LOVELY and A LEARNING EXPERIENCE; not to mention various silly interviews and worship of cupcakes! (You think I'm joking - just watch and see!) The links are as follows:

SHY YETI'S VALENTINES SPECIAL...

Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhR_PljZay8
Vimeo link: www.vimeo.com/groups/1241/videos/9347050

Elsewhere I have been busy preparing for my slot during the MEDICINE MOUTH - LOVED UP show which is happening tonight. Hopefully I will be reading 12 love themed poems - but more about that next week. I am also hoping to return to The Poetry Cafe for their open mike night on Tuesday 16th February - where I'll probably read some of the poems I read at MEDICINE MOUTH and maybe new poem: CUPCAKE... Posters for my gig on March 6th went up at The Poetry Cafe on wednesday 10th February! I know, because I put them up myself! :)

As for the next poetry collection - DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS - proofreading continues and I am still intending to release the book in May at my book launch. I am also working on a number of new poems for THE DEATH OF LOVE - the most recent poems, which I finished this week is called: YOUR HIGH-KICKING DAYS ARE OVER, DARLING... However I have about another 20 poems at different stages of completion.

Anyway - that's all the news I have for now - more next week! I'll let you know how things go tonight and at the open-mike night, if everything goes to plan! :)

To finish with here is the poem CARELESS TALK COSTS - recently revived on SUTTON PARK SW1, but going right back into my poetry archives...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


CARELESS TALK COSTS…

Careless talk costs!
Careless chatter!
Swapping tales,
Washroom natter!
Careless stories -
Careless fibbing.
Innuendo!
Constant ribbing!


Careless talk costs!
Careless jarring!
Pretty soon,
Best friends are sparring!
Careless questions -
Careless lies!
This weeks gossip!
No surprise!


Careless talk costs!
Careless quips.
Words of loathing,
Silly slips.
Careless murmurs -
Careless queries!
Chuckles – laughter…
Lurid theories!


Careless talk costs!
Debating views!
Just wait until -
You're front page news!
Careless snorts -
Becoming hated!
Careless talk,
Can well be fated!


Careless talk costs!
Careless stalker,
The perils of -
A careless talker!
Careless talk!
A careless word,
Cut your tongue out!
How absurd…

From JUNK/FOOD (2002), available from http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD - ROLLERCOASTER..

HAPPY CHRISTMAS FROM THE DAFFY POET!!

Hello...

Just a quick hello and a chance to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thank you to everybody who has supported me this year - either by coming to my gigs, buying a book, accompanying me to open mike nights because it's scary going on my own, reading the blog or just chuckling when a read you a silly poem in person or sending me a nice bit of feedback when I emailed you one... Extra-special thanks this year especially go to Kirk, Calum, Robert, Nick, Neph, Tom and Harry for their help and support when I was putting books together or practicing for my gigs. For a shy yeti such as myself to even be doing gigs all on my lonesome is a big step and so I'm very happy to look back and feel I've achieved quite a bit in the last 12 months...

2009 has been my most prolific year ever, I would think - at least poetting wise! The final total is yet undetermined, but I have completed more than 175 poems so far this year; however I'm sure I'll write a few more before the end of the year. I'm really happy with how things are going - to have published three new collections, with a 4th one on the way and another in the very early stages feel a very positive thing! I'm also really pleased that I put together my SHY YETI RULES O.K. collection as a slimmer volume that I'm happy introduces my poetry in a confidant manner. All these projects (not to mention my day job and Mouse of Commons work!) certainly kept me off the streets; except for when I've gone out onto the streets to take daft photos to illustrate the poems - but that's just fun.

Aside from writing the individual poems these are some of the highlights of the year for me...

JANUARY: Putting the finishing touches to IF POEMS WERE PIES and making starting the new year off with a visit to the Poetry Cafe open-mike night.

FEBRUARY: Publishing IF POEMS WERE PIES and starting my next collection CAVEMAN LOGIC...

MARCH: My first gig at The Poetry Cafe to celebrate the launch of IF POEMS WERE PIES, another trip to POETRY UNPLUGGED - whilst I already have 50 new poems almost ready for CAVEMAN LOGIC... On top of all that I also put together a new compilation of my poems since 1992 called SHY YETI RULES O.K.

APRIL: Out and about over the Easter holidays taking photos for my books and posing with SHY YETI RULES O.K. as I write the final few poems for CAVEMAN LOGIC.

MAY: CAVEMAN LOGIC is almost complete and I begin to work on THE SHY LIFE, whilst taking loads of photos on various days out as we move towards summer...

JUNE: More trips away to Hull, Bridlington and Beverley - so more photos and more poems for THE SHY LIFE... CAVEMAN LOGIC comes out late in the month, a couple of weeks earlier than expected! I have also begun to use BLOGTV to preview some of my new poems...

JULY: I spend a lot of time on BLOGTV trying out some of my new poems and on the 12th July have my first book launch of the year for all the new books, including my latest Mouse of Commons collection of short stories.

AUGUST: Two and a half weeks of this month are spent overseas - travelling from Munich along the Danube to Vienna and then onto Budapest. Loads of photos taken, a couple of poems completed, THE SHY LIFE is proofread and much fun is had too! :) I am also preparing for my next gig...

SEPTEMBER: CAVEMAN LOGIC gig and BLOGTV gig are the two biggest highlights - as well as a return to open-mike night towards the end of the month and the start of my next collection DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?...

OCTOBER: My long weekend in Nice at the start of the month provides me with some new poems and plenty of photos for DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? (to be published early next year!) and the finishing touches are made to THE SHY LIFE.

NOVEMBER: THE SHY LIFE is published - another book launch and a trip to Krakow for my birthday which provides both photos and inspiration for DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?

DECEMBER: Work on DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? continues, as I begin my next collection: LA MORT D'AMOUR/THE DEATH OF LOVE and post two Christmas poems from this new project...

As far as 2010 is concerned, I hope to be doing another gig in the spring and would like to go to a few more open-mike nights, not only at THE POETRY CAFE. I'd also like to go on BLOGTV a bit more again and try out some of the new poems from DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? before the book is finished. On the books front DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? should be published by March and I'll also keep working on LA MORT D'AMOUR/THE DEATH OF LOVE and see how that goes. 2010 is also the 10th anniversary of the first MOUSE OF COMMONS novel, so I want to do more mousey work to mark that occasion and the next book: POSTCARDS FROM MCWHISKERS should be out before the summer.

Unless I come up with something marvellous before new year - this may be my last post of 2009, so I want to finish with something new. As mentioned when I posted BLACKMAILING SANTA last week - my second Christmas offering is a rather dark and possibly quite depressing poem called CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS. I hope you enjoy it and the idea of a skeleton family celebrating (or not) Christmas isn't too disturbing for you. I'm sure Christmas Dr Who will be twice as unnerving - so it's just something to get you in the spooky festive mood!

I hope to post something more on the MOUSE OF COMMONS blog before Christmas - so do check that out around Christmas eve time...

Thanks again for all your support this year and if you didn't support me, then shame on you - I'd say Santa will come and spank you, but people like you probably enjoy that sort of thing! Tut! :)

Bye for now. Merry Christmas and a Happy 2010!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

PS I do hope you enjoy some of the festive photos posted here - as usual some of them have that certain shy yeti something! (ie: pulling daft and silly faces!!)

CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS


Christmastime for Mr Skeleton –
Isn’t like for you and I...
He has to steal to get his tinsel…
For he has no pennies left to buy!
But decorations are essential –
Yes, it’s all he seems to need…
He can't enjoy Christmas like we do…
Because he cannot really feed!
Give him pudding if you like –
But see it slide back out again…
Watch gravy dripping off his bones –
It's simply better to abstain!
He may once upon a time have –
Quite adored some festive cake…
But alas, it's now not practical…
Crumbs! It’s a very bad mistake!
Yes, even just a glass of port –
It may really prove a danger!
Leaving dribbles on the floor –
Could there be a sight more stranger?
With decorations through each ear –
And a fairy on his head…
With a bauble for an eyeball –
Because it makes him feel less dead!
A crimson garland round his neck...
A little glitter on his clothes!
A string of lights across his shoulders –
And a fir cone up his nose!
He tries his hardest that’s for sure –
And he is certainly no slacker!
At least he’s never gonna choke –
Upon the contents of a cracker!
It’s just quite hard to be excited –
Or to embrace some Christmas cheer!
When it’s just not in your bones –
And you can’t grab a sneaky beer!
Well, he does his very best…
Despite the mess he may create!
Despite all the trials life deals –
When he’s early – still he’s late!


Christmastime for Mrs Skeleton –
Isn’t like for normal types…
So much mess goes on the floor!
She is awash with kitchen wipes!
Modern ways have not caught on –
Even though she now is dead!
With her husband fast asleep –
There’s still the budgie to be fed!
If she had her way she’d skip this –
It only gets her in a state…
She just looks silly decked in holly…
The dead don’t need to decorate…
No, they should lie within their graves –
And simply get some well-earned rest…
Maybe play a round of Snap…
But there’s no need for Sunday best!
There is no need to have the folks round;
There is no need to entertain…
Mrs S. she doesn’t want it –
For what on earth, now, can they gain?
Oh, what need they now with presents?
Yes, why need they swap a gift?
Mr S. still has his views –
“It simply gives the year a lift!”
It’s very easy though to say it…
But so much harder to arrange…
Mrs S she sits and dreams –
She’s really hoping for a change…
She will no longer wear that tinsel –
Keep stray baubles in her head…
No, she will face up to the fact –
That she’s okay with being dead!
Because this season ain’t for shopping –
It just wears out her bony feet…
It’s not for slaving in the kitchen –
On food she cannot ever eat!
There is no need for party games –
Nor to start that New Year diet!
This year all she wants for Christmas –
Is just a little peace and quiet…




CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS and all poems in this blog are copyright to Paul Chandler 2009.