THE RETURN OF A LOVELY LADY OF THE UNDEAD...

ANOTHER NEW PODCAST SHOW - OR TWO...

Hello beasties!

This week we've a couple of new podcast episodes for you and also a script that accompanies it, as written by my good self (even if I do say so myself!)...

First up, though - here are the two episodes that have come out since I last posted...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 127: CHECKING IN ON DUSTY...

Here we are for episode ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN and it's time for us to head back to Q Gardens which we last visited in early autumn. We do so, so that Ikk can go and check in on his new friend, Dusty - a giant scone-eating dandelion... Will it be a happy reunion or will further mysteries emerge!? Listen carefully and you will learn the answer! Our next episode, number 128 sees us getting to speak with a very interesting guest - one who we've not spoken to in quite some time... Do join us, won't you?! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. All content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.  Episode 127 was recorded between 19th November and the 4th December 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

127: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-127-checking-in-on-dusty

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 128: OOOH 'ECK, IT'S DEADIEGRAMS!!

Here we are for episode ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT and it's time for us to catch up with a true Pride48 celebrity - and probably the only undead member of the team; yes - it's Deadiegrams!! Not only does she speak with Mr Yeti but the other regulars get to say hello too! All this and we also delve into the past with some of Paul's old filming pals, including scenes from Sutton Park in 1995 and a sketch from Beeches Broadcasting with Harry F from 2000. Also Yeti Uncle John and Ikk sing together!! Our next episode, number 129 sees us following Yeti Uncle John with an update on his recent attempts at being a tour guide! Do join us, won't you?! Special thanks to Tim from Tastes Like Burning for organising the interview with Deadiegrams and with much additional appreciation to all involved with the archive clips used during this episode. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. All content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.  Episode 128 was recorded between 15th November and the 7th December 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

128: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-128-oooh-eck-its-deadiegrams

The previous photos are in-lays found on the original tapes of some of the recordings that Nick G has recently been digitizing for me - clips of which have appeared in recent episodes of the show...

At the end of this post - as I mentioned at the start - is the original script that was sent to Deadiegrams via Tim from the Tastes Like Burning podcast. In the draft that appears here the scene was actually just a day-dream, but I decided not to go with that idea and in the finished episode it is presumed that the whole scene has actually taken place as with any of the podcast guest interviews. I hope you enjoy it. I have written at least one more script for the show which is currently going into production - but I'll speak more about that in the new year when it is ready to be released.

Next time there will be more on podcasts and also I'll be telling you a little more about a recent visit to Radio Wey; talking of which I'm yet to release the previous visit that I made there back in October, but that one is due in the next couple of weeks...

That's all for now...

Take care - more soon,

Yeti hugs,

Paul (aka Shy Yeti) xx

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 

CATCHING UP WITH DEADIEGRAMS...

A GUIDE SCRIPT FOR TIM OF TASTES LIKE BURNING...

YETI: (a little sleepy)

Hello, listeners - I've just been having a bit of a day dream... Those of you who have listened to the show for a while will remember all the lovely guests that I've had on the podcast but there's one who I spoke to in... well, rather odd circumstances... You may remember her...

FLASHBACK TO DEADIEGRAMS PREVIOUS APPEARANCE AND THEN RETURN TO NOW...

Do you recall? She was quite a presence... Sometimes when I think about future shows I imagine what it would be like if we met again in better circumstances - you know, for a cosy chat... I think it would be lovely... (his voice begins to echo) lovely... LOVELY... L-O-V-E-L-Y...

WE NOW ENTER MR YETI'S IMAGINATION - WE ARE LISTENING TO SOME KIND OF EXTRA FANCY VERSION OF THE PODCAST - MR YETI IS MORE ANIMATED THAN USUAL...

YETI: (very jolly)

Heeeeeey! Listeners.... How are you?

THERE IS APPLAUSE...

Lovely!

DEADIEGRAMS: (rather less enthusiastic)

Hello, trollface...

YETI: (correcting her, politely)

Shy Yeti...

DEADIEGRAMS: (still quite dismissive)

Whatever... This sofa's a little tatty - but I don't suppose in matters when you're 100% audio...

YETI: (still taking her comments with good humour)

Ha! You're not wrong, Deadiegrams...

DEADIEGRAMS: (slightly more friendly)

Call me D-grams... My people are trying to get me to rebrand - to be honest I'm not sure there's much point! Afterall you can't teach a dead dog new tricks...

YETI: (awkwardly)

Well, it's lovely to have you here, Deadie - I mean, D-grams... You're looking well, considering...

DEADIEGRAMS: (doing her best to show interest)

Charmed, I'm sure... I see you got back from the other-side - not many people manage that...

YETI: (enthusiastically)

Oh well, I met a nice statue who pointed me in the right direction of the bus station...

DEADIEGRAMS:

You should come back in the spring when the new plants start to grow...

YETI:

Ahhh... Daffodils?

DEADIEGRAMS:

Venice fly-traps... Deadly nightshade... Giant man-eating succulents...

YETI: (surprised)

Oh! How... unconventional... You should open your own garden centre...

DEADIEGRAMS: (bemused)

Why EVER would I want to do that? I have oceans of agony to advise on...

YETI: (still attempting to remain upbeat)

Of course... Which is exactly what I wanted to ask you about... In your long career what is it about your job that you love the most?

DEADIEGRAMS: (with a chuckle)

Pay day, sweetie... That's what everybody says, surely...

YETI: (taken aback)

You get pay day? Even... now...

DEADIEGRAMS: (sounding quite impatient)

Why, of course - you don't think I do this job for free do you? Have you flipped?! No... I'm paid like anybody else... Sure, there's a little more ectoplasm on the notes than you'd normally find on the notes residing in your wallet - but I find it keeps the moths company...

YETI IS ABOUT TO ASK ANOTHER QUESTION WHEN THERE IS THE SOUND OF SUDDEN COUGHING AND YETI NOTICES THAT THEY ARE BEING OVERHEARD BY ONE OF HIS PODCAST REGULARS; YETI UNCLE JOHN. HOWEVER DEADIEGRAMS SEEMS QUITE TAKEN WITH HIS ARRIVAL...

(curious/positive) Well... Hello, dearie... Now WHO exactly are YOU!

YETI: (slightly less than enthusiastic)

Err... This is Yeti Uncle John... He's family...

DEADIEGRAMS: (confused)

I'm sorry, furface - is that a euphemism?

YETI: (snappily)

Err... No... Well, I'm not sure, actually - we don't really talk about stuff like that... I'm sorry, D-grams - I'll just find out what he wants... (turning away crossly) Yeti Uncle John! What do you want, exactly? I'm right in a middle of an interview with a very important guest...

JOHN: (grumpily)

Yes... Yes... We know that...

YETI: (mildly horrified)

WE!?!

JOHN: (irritated)

Yes! WE! US! The regulars! YOUR regulars - or had you forgotten us!?

YETI: (calming/playing vague/teasing)

Errr... Maybe slightly... You are kind of forgettable... (pause) I'm JOKING!

DEADIEGRAMS: (interrupting)

Oh, go on... Let them ask me questions... It could be fun... They might be cuter than you...

YETI: (lost for words)

I... I... I...

JOHN: (excitable)

See! She's keen! Let's chat, lady! It would be a pleasure! What's you're favourite flavour of ice cream?

DEADIEGRAMS: (leisurely, but like it's a positive thing)

Despair... with mainly just a hint of desperation...

JOHN: (enjoying the conversation)

Oooh... I think I know that taste... It's a bit rich for me - but I respect your choice there; pretty heavy duty! Okay... Next question - which do you prefer - being alive or being dead?

DEADIEGRAMS: (flamboyantly)

What a stupid question - being dead is far more fun... Of course it is!

JOHN: (curious)

Sure... I thought as much... But what are the best bits about being dead?

DEADIEGRAMS: (chuckles)

The long weekends...

JOHN: (sounding a little pleased with himself)

Cool... And my final question - which is your favourite Beatle?

DEADIEGRAMS:

Dung! Every time - no competition... I admire their work ethic... Is that it? (John mumbles in the affirmative) Well, good... (flirtily) Maybe I'll see you later for a little drinky...

JOHN: (nervously)

Oh... Err... I... Yes... Well, thank you, now... Oi, Ikk... It's your turn now...

IKK: (with enthusiasm)

Oooh! How exciting... Hello Deadiegrams - it's lovely to meet you...

DEADIEGRAMS: (surprised, an emotion she rarely experiences)

Wow! What the hell have you come as, sweetcheeks...

IKK: (pleased/excited)

Ha! I'm just here as myself...

DEADIEGRAMS: (relaxing)

Don't tell me... You're one of those alien-types, right?

IKK: (politely)

Yes, sir... Yes, sir, I am...

SHY YETI: (whispers)

Say yes, maam, Ikk - not sir...

DEADIEGRAMS: (laid back)

Sir, is just fine by me... I've always felt I had the authority of a sir...

IKK:

Absolutely, sir...

DEADIEGRAMS:

Go ahead little Martian fellow... What is your question?

IKK: (thinking about it very carefully before asking)

Where is the strangest place you have ever eaten Chinese food...

DEADIEGRAMS: (pondering)

Well, sweetcheeks - now that's a extremely good question!

IKK: (full of respect)

Thank you, your honour... So what would your answer be?

DEADIEGRAMS: (with certainty, having considered it)

Probably on the end of Blackpool Pier dressed in nothing more than a top hat and Christmas decorations - it was... oh... summer 1973 and I was mistaken for a glam rocker when actually I was simply on the way to a friend's wedding and had taken the wrong turning just off Spaghetti Junction...

IKK: (pleased)

That's a good answer, D-Grams... Was the food good or can't you remember?

DEADIEGRAMS: (enthusiastically)

It was absolutely fantabulous... The best I ever had...

IKK: (moving on)

Thank you... Cromitty is next if you're willing to answer another question or two...

DEADIEGRAMS: (encouraging)

Why, of COURSE!!! Do step up... Thank you for your question, Tricky Ikky... It brought back good memories...

IKK GIGGLES AND CROMITTY STEPS UP TO ASK THE NEXT QUESTION...

Ah now! You're a curious one... Cromitty, is it? C-R-O-M-I-T-T-Y...

CROMITTY: (respectful)

Yes, miss... Exactly that! Ever so pleased to meet you...

DEADIEGRAMS: (on the very edge of impatience)

And you have a question for me? What flavour question exactly?

CROMITTY: (sounding quite serious)

I have scientific leanings and so my queries are along those lines...

DEADIEGRAMS: (hurriedly)

Ask away...

CROMITTY:

What is your favourite Cuppa Soup?

DEADIEGRAMS: (calmly)

Regret... With extra croutons... And yours?

CROMITTY:

I am very partial to a mixture of belly button fluff and dust - inspired by recipes handed down in our family on my grandmother's side of the family.

DEADIEGRAMS: (not sounding too much like she means it)

Fascinating... You must share the recipe with me...

CROMITTY:

I will indeed... One more question if you've time...

DEADIEGRAMS:

Of course, honeylumps - as your first question was so brief...

CROMITTY:

What is your favourite variety of science?

DEADIEGRAMS:

Hmmm... That's a harder one... Maybe biology with just a smattering of chemistry... I can't be doing with Physics - so don't ask me... Afterall we all know that the world is flat and there is no such thing as gravity!

CROMITTY:

Why, of course... Thank you, dear lady... Dameus... Are you ready to ask your question?

DAMEUS: (trying not to sound too nervous)

I am... Very much so...

CROMITTY: (prompting)

Then ask away, good sir Twinklehorn...

DEADIEGRAMS: (curious)

Twinklehorn, you say? Not one of the Twinklehorn's of New Hampshire, by any chance?

DAMEUS:

Not myself, no - but I do have connections out that way, I believe...

DEADIEGRAMS: (almost affectionately)

How fascinating... I once had flirtations with a New Hampshire Twinklehorn - I daren't even guess how long ago now - but you definitely have the family nose...

DAMEUS:

So, I'm told, Madame... So I'm told...

DEADIEGRAMS:

So... What might your question be?

DAMEUS:

Well, I'm an actor you see - and I wondered whether you'd ever tried acting yourself at all?

DEADIEGRAMS: (with a chuckle)

Every day, darling... With my husband! Need I say any more?

DAMEUS: (embarrassed)

Oh! Golly! Good gracious! No! I get your point!

DEADIEGRAMS:

Still... Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh... He has been dead for 173 years...  But then I'm not far behind him and I'm absolutely fine...

DAMEUS:

Fine... Absolutely perfect... Errr... Yes... Good grief! What IS his problem?

DEADIEGRAMS: (growing distant / vague)

Believe me! I've contemplated that endlessly over the years... Hmm... The more I look at you - the more you remind me of him... (Dameus gives a little gasp!) Okay! Okay... There's nothing more to see here - do I have any more questions?

YETI:

It depends... Our Beargrrrian chum, Charlie Grrr is here... Do you answer questions about pies?

WE HEAR CHARLIE MUTTERING AND GRUMBLING ABOUT "PIES... PIES... PIES..." IN THE BACKGROUND, BUT DEADIEGRAMS DOES NOT SOUND TOO IMPRESSED...

DEADIEGRAMS: (making herself quite clear)

NO questions about pies... If I can't eat them then WE can't discuss them... The last pie I tried to eat turned out to be made of ectoplasm - and believe me - that's no fun at all! So? Are we done?

BETTINA: (urgently, out of breath)

Darling! Darling! One million kisses! One million and one kisses! Do you have time for just one more? So sorry, I'm late...

DEADIEGRAMS: (patiently)

I've never been known to say no to "just one more..." Go on dearie... What are you asking?

BETTINA: (over-the-top)

Most grateful... My name's Bettina Du Pres...

DEADIEGRAMS: (almost excited)

Darling! I know that! Everyone knows you - even the dead!

BETTINA:

Oh... Honey! So kind... I'm so flattered...

DEADIEGRAMS: (trying to hide some of her excitement)

How can I help!? I'm such a fan... How very exciting the meet you... Shh now... I'm not meant to enthuse so - but I'd be most grateful to answer your question - although I feel I should be asking you one!

BETTINA: (lowering her voice as she confesses)

Then do, darling! Please do... Actually... I need your advice on men... I'm a part-time, poorly used agony aunt and yet sometimes that is the one thing I need from other people; a listening ear!

DEADIEGRAMS: (with empathy)

Men! Oh... Aren't they just dreadful creatures - I can assure you they're no better behaved dead than they are alive!

BETTINA: (sad)

Why aren't I even surprised?

DEADIEGRAMS:

Still... I'm not sure I can offer you advice, but I can share my experiences - we can swap notes, I'm sure!

BETTINA: (impressed)

Delightful! That would be absolutely perfect!

AS THE TWO BEGIN TO CHATTER SHY YETI COMES BACK INTO THE FRAME (AS IT WERE) - HE SOUNDS A LITTLE GRUMPY!

YETI: (quite put out)

I can't believe it! I've been side-lined in my own day-dream... Well, I guess the only way to get around this is to stop daydreaming! That will shut them up...

DEADIEGRAMS: (teasing)

You wanna believe it, sweet-cheeks...

BETTINA: (non-plussed)

Oh, ignore him, darling - he's just jealous...

PAUL: (disgruntled)

WELL, REALLY!!

THE DAYDREAM ENDS AT THIS POINT AND WE RETURN TO OUR NEW YEAR EPISODE...

This script is either for our last episode of 2017 or our first episode of 2018 and was written between 13th September and 6th October 2017, with additional rewrites done between the 9th and the 24th of October 2017.

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.