HOT STUFF!! IS BOILING OVER!!!

SEASON ONE IS FINALLY RELEASED!!

Hello beasties!!

I'm pleased to be able to release that HOT STUFF!! - SEASON ONE is finally published! Here are the details, followed by some choice extracts from the first season...

We are proud to announce the very first season of, HOT STUFF!!, an 8-part adventure involving a series of bizarre deaths in a library. Our hero, Mr Horner, arrives there after the previous librarian is murdered. He has never shelved a book in his life, but intends to track down the killer. Horner and his team soon learn what the killer is after and fear that there is more bloodshed yet to come… This is the paperback version of this book and is intended to be read as a novel, although it could be performed as a script if required.

Paperback Edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/hot-stuff---season-one/17661919 (£7.99, 160 pages)

Hardback Edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/hot-stuff---season-one/17661930 (£14.99, 160 pages)

Now, for your interest, I am going to present you with a trio of extracts from three of the first season HOT STUFF!! scripts. Three quite dramatic (and slightly silly moments)!!

SCRIPT 2 EXTRACT: THE SÉANCE ...

BACK IN THE OFFICE THE SÉANCE CONTINUES…

FATIMA:

Fiona, do you hear me? Please speak with us…

ALL OF A SUDDEN THE BURNT ROOM SEEMS TO BLUR AND WHAT CAN BE SEEN, INSTEAD, IS THE LIBRARIAN’S OFFICE AS IT WAS BEFORE THE FIRE – IN FACT AS IT WAS ON THE VERY NIGHT THAT THE FIRE TOOK PLACE…

MAVIS: (surprised by what she sees)

Oh! Look! Something’s happening! Everything is changing!

EDIE: (excited, slightly afraid)

Oh! It’s working! It really is! Fiona must be trying to speak to us…

FATIMA: (her voice becoming more sing-songy)

But WHO will she choose to speak through… Perhaps the one who most resembles her physically or mentally… Concentrate everyone! Concentrate! FIONA! SPEAK TO US… SHOW US WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU…

SUDDENLY THE CURTAINS BY THE WINDOW BILLOW AND A BREEZE SWIRLS AROUND THE ROOM WHICH MAKES THEM SHIVER… THE AIR IS FILLED BY SOME KIND OF SPIRIT BEING AND EDIE AND MAVIS LOOK TO SEE WHO IT WILL POSSESS. SURPRISINGLY IT CHOOSES NEITHER THEM NOR FATIMA BUT SETTLES UPON HORNER AND SPEAKS THROUGH HIM…

HORNER: (his voice is different, somewhat melodramatic)

It was a stormy night… A bad night… My last night – the night of my death…

FATIMA: (relieved, excited)

GOOD GRIEF! FIONA? IS THAT YOU? HAVE YOU JOINED US?

HORNER:

It is I, Fatima…  

EDIE: (rather in awe)

Wow! It’s actually working! Cor Blimey! Strike a light… I wasn’t expecting that!

MAVIS: (slightly shocked)

Me neither… How odd that she chose Mr Horner… (to Fiona) How are you, dear?

HORNER: (quite chatty considering)

I’m fine! It’s not really so strange – you’re all my family in different ways, but I grew up with Horner’s mother – even before I met you! Anyway, the last time I saw Horner I bought him dinner – so he owes me a favour… It seems only fair…

FATIMA: (trying not to sound impatient)

I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, Fiona… Listen, we may not have much time… Do you know what occurred that night? Did someone try and hurt you? Try and kill you?

HORNER: (sombrely)

I was prevented from reaching the fire… I could not rejuvenate myself… It is possible that somebody may have drugged my hot chocolate – I did feel very sleepy and I remember that I couldn’t move… I don’t remember seeing an actual person – but I do recall opening my eyes and seeing the fire all around me…

SCRIPT 5 EXTRACT: THE EXPERT

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE FRONT DESK ARTHUR AND JACKSON ARE STILL NOT SEEING EYE TO EYE ABOUT HOW TO MIND BUTCH (A JOURNALIST WHO IS THEIR HOSTAGE) AND YET ALSO HOW TO DEAL WITH THE EVER GROWING QUEUE OF READERS…

ARTHUR: (grumpily peering into the area behind the desk)

Are you actually doing anything in there?

JACKSON: (rather forthrightly, rudely)

What do you think I’m doing? I’m guarding the prisoner…

BUTCH: (crossly)

I am NOT the prisoner… I’m just a journalist who is sitting here inside a cupboard!

ARTHUR: (snippily)

Shh now; it’s the same thing! You are the prisoner and you’re also extremely bad!

BUTCH:

I’m not the prisoner – I’m here of my own choice… If I wanted to leave then I could. I’m actually observing you so I can write an article about how cruel you are!

JACKSON: (surprised, chuckling)

Oh really? And will the Police be making comment on all this? I mean, for a start, impersonating a vicar – now that’s got to be against some law or other…

BUTCH: (almost snarling)

Probably the same law that says that you’re not allowed to hold hostages in public libraries and inflict on them excessive snoring and inane chatter…

JACKSON: (losing patience)

Oh… So you’re a hostage now… I thought you were here of your own choice…

ARTHUR: (heatedly)

Don’t talk to him any more – he’s wasting our time… Lock him in and leave him – we’ll feed him later; he won’t get out – there’s no other exit… Is Felix still asleep?

JACKSON:

(shouts) FELIX!!! Wake up…

FELIX: (disorientated, snorting)

Hey? What?! I heard you – I was just concentrating…

JACKSON:

Yes… See – he’s fine…

ARTHUR: (kindly)

Felix… Come with me – stretch your legs… You need a break…

FELIX: (apologetic, still sleepy)

Sure… Fresh air sounds a good idea! Sorry, Arthur – I must have dropped off…

BUTCH: (mutters)

Dropped off!? That almost makes it sound like something peaceful…

JACKSON: (smiling briefly)

You’ll be glad of the peace and quiet, no doubt…

BUTCH IS ABOUT TO PROTEST – BUT JACKSON HAS ALREADY DEPARTED. BUTCH SITS THERE, LOOKING GRUMPY – BUT THEN HE DOUBLE-TAKES, SUDDENLY REALISING THAT A FIGURE IS STANDING IN THE SHADOWS…

BUTCH: (surprised)

Hey… Who’s that? Who are you? I’m being held hostage – can you help me?!

THE FIGURE IS ALL IN BLACK AND ITS FACE IS CONCEALED BY A PAIR OF BLACK TIGHTS – IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL WHETHER IT IS A MAN OR A WOMAN; HOWEVER THE FIGURE APPROACHES AND KNEELS DOWN…

How did you get in here? I do hope that you’re not here to hurt me… Please!

FIGURE: (husky, androgynous)

I was always here… Just waiting for the right moment…

BUTCH: (slightly confused)

Always? What!? Since you were born?

FIGURE: (mocking)

No, you idiot… Only since I knew you’d be here… Since we could talk alone…

BUTCH: (apologetic)

Oh, sorry… So, what’s the deal? Do you work for the paper or are you a library employee and want to sell your story? We can arrange that if you let me go free…

FIGURE: (sympathetically)

I’m afraid I don’t want to say, right at the moment… Still, I will let you free and I do support your right to do so… Why not have another go with your plan, maybe…

BUTCH: (unsure)

Okay, only I’m not sure my old plan will work now that my cover is blown… Still, maybe I can come up with something else – some other way of succeeding…

BUTCH FEELS HIS HANDS AND LEGS BEING CUT FREE – BY THE TIME HE STANDS UP THE STRANGE FIGURE HAS VANISHED INTO THE SHADOWS.

SCRIPT 7 EXTRACT: THE INVESTIGATION

OUTSIDE THERE IS A FULL MOON – TIME PASSES AT SPEED AND GRADUALLY DAY DAWNS ON THE LIBRARY AND THE SUN DULY RISES… WE SEE HORNER AND FATIMA STILL IN THE LIBRARY – THEY ARE BOTH ASLEEP AND SLUMPED UP AGAINST THE SUIT OF ARMOUR… WE SEE THEM FROM THE POINT OF VIEW OF SOMEBODY WHO APPEARS TO BE HIDING. SUDDENLY THE OFFICE DOOR SWINGS OPENS – IT IS ARTHUR…

ARTHUR: (unexpectedly jovial)

Wakey! Wakey!

HORNER: (annoyed with himself)

Oh… Gosh… Arthur… What time is it?

ARTHUR:

After opening time – but I’ve not opened up yet… We got a phone-call. The new librarian will be here any time now and no doubt the police will be back too… One way or another I think we’re going to have a very busy day ahead of us!

FATIMA: (looking more awake than one would have expected)

Indeed! But don’t worry, Horner; we’ve more important things to deal with here!

HORNER: (having considered the matter)

I suppose you’re right… Let this new librarian talk with the Police, do you mean?

ARTHUR: (curious)

Tell me now… Why exactly is this suit of armour lying about in the way, here?

FATIMA: (cheekily)

That’s a long story… Let’s just say that he wanted to stretch his legs…

ARTHUR: (confused)

That sounds unlikely – but I’ll take it as a legitimate response if it’s the only one that I’m going to be presented with… I say? Did you hear that? I thought I heard a voice – do you hear it? Doesn’t it sound rather like Edie, only a tad muffled – but it can’t be her – she’s out front waiting for the new librarian to arrive…

FATIMA: (trying not to sound as concerned as she is actually becoming)

Perhaps you should check on Mavis, Horner and I’ll go down front with Arthur.

HORNER NODS AND FATIMA AND ARTHUR HEAD OFF – HORNER STANDS FOR A MOMENT, TRYING TO LISTEN TO SEE IF HE CAN HEAR EDIE’S VOICE. HE NOTES THE FALLEN LADDER BUT DOES NOT SEE THE LEAD AS THE SUIT OF ARMOUR BLOCKS THE VIEW. HORNER TURNS AWAY – ONLY A SECOND OR TWO LATER THERE IS A SHIMMER OF REALITY AND EDIE AND FELIX EMERGE INTO THE FIRE-DAMAGED LIBRARY… MEANWHILE, OUT AT THE FRONT OF THE LIBRARY OTHER EDIE WAITS CALMLY ON HER OWN – THE FRONT DOOR CREAKS OPEN AND JACKSON ENTERS…

OTHER EDIE: (innocently)

Oooh… Are you the new librarian, dear?

JACKSON: (laughs)

Me? No… But the new leader has arrived and will be here in just a minute…

FATIMA AND ARTHUR APPEAR AT THIS POINT… THEY ARE BOTH A LITTLE OUT OF BREATH AND EAGER TO KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON…

FATIMA: (attempting to sound upbeat)

So, what’s happening here? Have we missed anything?

JACKSON: (a bit more upbeat than usual)

Edie asked if I was the new librarian… As if! They’re not here yet – but it won’t be long… I’m just going to put the kettle on… Where are Horner and Mavis?

FATIMA: (trying to sound calm, but clearly on edge)

They’ll be down in a minute… Horner has just gone to fetch her…

JACKSON:

Alright then, I won’t be long… Your new boss should be here any minute…

AS JACKSON HEADS OFF DOWN THE LIBRARY, OTHER EDIE AND ARTHUR NOD AND TURN BACK TOWARDS THE FRONT DOOR WHILST FATIMA MUTTERS TO HERSELF; BECOMING INCREASINGLY SUSPICIOUS…

FATIMA: (mystified, to herself)

Something’s not right… Why did he say YOUR new boss? Why not OUR new boss? He clearly knows something – oh, Jackson – what have you got yourself involved in now? Come on then – show yourself – whoever you are…

MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER PART OF THE LIBRARY HORNER IS SEARCHING FOR MAVIS – HE CANNOT FIND HER IN THE ROOM WHERE SHE WAS LAST SEEN WITH THE EGG – BOTH SHE AND IT ARE NOW GONE!!

HORNER: (calling out, but cautiously)

MAVIS!!! MAAAAAAAVIS!! MAVIS…

A FIGURE, BOTH MENACING AND LUDICROUS AT THE SAME TIME, STEPS OUT IN FRONT OF HIM – IT IS THE SINISTER FOAM BOOK MASCOT…

(trying not to sound nervous) Mavis? Is that you? MAVIS?

THE BOOK DOES NOT ANSWER BUT PLODS CLOSER – HORNER BACKS AWAY ONLY TO REALISE THAT HE HAS COME UP AGAINST A WALL. THE COSTUMED FIGURE PULLS AN AXE ON HIM – IT APPEARS TO BE FROM THE SUIT OF ARMOUR THAT THEY RECENTLY MOVED. HORNER KNOWS HE MUST RETALIATE OR ELSE HE WILL BE THE NEXT VICTIM… THE FIGURE RAISES THE AXE AND BEARS VIOLENTLY DOWN ON HORNER…

TO BE CONTINUED...

Well, if you would like to read more then you can do so - by going to the link at the top of the post... I'm currently working on the 4th season of HOT STUFF!!, with the 2nd season due out later in the year.

Next time we'll be moving onto something different... I've got a little trip coming up and so I expect the post to be about that, but not for a week or so... There should also be some new writing and photographs to come and I look forward to sharing those with you sometime towards the end of the first week of February.

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. I've been asked where the face on the cover of the book comes from - I am happy to share that information with you, but I don't have a lot of facts about whether or not it represents a certain demonic force or other - or whether it has any particular name. I took the photo during one of my many trips to Venice and have pretty much done so on each of my visits from 2005 onwards. I can't tell you the name of the street where the figure is on the wall - but would happily take you there if anybody would like to finance another trip out there... Most kind.

All content of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.