Hi!

Welcome to the third "single" from my latest collection of verse: MUGSHOTS... This one's called NEVER STEAL ANOTHER MAN'S RHUBARB... a rather nonsense maxim one of my friends used to use in the early 1990s! I never did understand what he meant!

New poems since the last posting which will be included in my new collection POETIQUETTE include: THE BALLAD OF SUSIE AND ANGUS…, THE ETIQUETTE OF AFFAIRS…, THE LOVE DITTY OF PAULINE AND GRAHAM…, NEW KITTY SIDE-KICK…, SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS... and VALENTINES DAY IS CANCELLED THIS YEAR…

I'm also working at the moment on a revised version of JUNK/FOOD - my first collection from Winter 2001, which should be available in the Spring.

Anyway! Enjoy the new one...

Paul :-) x

NEVER STEAL ANOTHER MAN'S RHUBARB!!

Never steal another man’s rhubarb…
Never fake a faint nor swoon…
You may find yourself molested…
By an ape or large baboon!!!

Never tickle a turtle’s toenails…
No, never bushwhack a gnu…
Never paint a panda purple…
Nor thieve its prize bamboo!!

Never dangle a donkey’s carrots!
In a pot of quick cement…
The beastie might get panicked…
Whilst the veg will end up bent!

Never mince the words of strangers…
Never hang them on a line…
If you sharpen your machete…
Then your kids will never whine!

Never cremate your maiden Uncle!
Never ask him home for tea!
Never join a roller-disco…
Unless they let you in for free!

Never play a strip tease Cribbage…
In a wardrobe made of cheese…
You’ll never get the smell out!
And it’ll only make you sneeze!

Never ride a rogue fish finger…
Never let it toss you loose…
It will try to snap your head off…
And drag you back to it’s Caboose!!

Never try to hug a phoenix…
No, not even if you’re cold!
Never flirt with sleepy badgers!
They won’t do a thing they’re told!

Never trap a hound dogs ego…
Nor pursue a puss’s purr!
Never wash your hair with acid!
Unless you want to shed your fur…

No, never steal another’s rhubarb…
For such a thing may cause “to-doo”…
Yes, if you stole some fella’s rhubarb…
If I were him - then I would sue!!