NEW PROSE: I AM NOT A FAN OF THE METAPHOR...

...IS THIS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!?!

Hello beasties!

This week I have a new prose piece for you, but firstly I'd like to remind you that I published a new book last week; for those of you who didn't see the details then they are as follows:

A YETI WAY OF THINKING contains over 80 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between Autumn 2012 and Summer 2014. They include: ARE THEY AWARE I’M A WEREWOLF?, GIN GOBLINS, INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS, I USED TO BE A TEN, MYSTERY HEN, ONION MAN, PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS, TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI, YOU’LL DO and many more…

Pbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/a-yeti-way-of-thinking/18213326 £8.99

Hbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/a-yeti-way-of-thinking/18214369 £14.99

Last week I explained a bit about what my new prose piece was going to be about, but in case you missed it, I said:

"It's all about how metaphors spoil the fun... What do I mean? Well, like when people say that vampires, for instance - are a metaphor for - I dunno... the state of politics in China or something... That's all very well, but for me it sort of spoils the idea that the vampires are blood-sucking killers that want to drink your blood. It's a bit like saying that vampires in themselves are a bit childish and can't be enjoyed on their own merit, so we have to dress it up with more adult themes to legitimise writing about them; in fact a lot of horror, sci-fi and fantasy seems to be viewed that way and it's blumin' annoying! I like to put different layers to my writing - but not so much so that I'm trying to write about something else. If I want to write about Chinese politics then I'll just do that and not bother with the vampires - not unless they're Chinese vampire politicians; now you're talking!

Anyway, enough of me waffling about this - but just so you have a heads up about what my new piece of prose is about... Of course, writing about metaphors is probably just a metaphor for something else... Goodness knows what, though!"

Sorry, that was a bit of a long re-cap... Anyway, I hope you see what I'm getting at now! Hey... Don't go before you've read it! It'll be fun, I promise!

Next week it's Easter and I intend to share with you my first new poem in a while. The week after that we'll start looking at something new that I intend to publish next month - it's the first season script-book of KENSINGTON GORE... I'll be looking at the characters and the plots over a two-week period and then maybe sharing a few behind-the-scenes photos to promote the book that I took up on Wimbledon Common this week. Following that I'll finally be releasing the script-book; hopefully I'll have an exact date soon...

Enjoy the new prose piece and be back here next week, please! Same time - same place! Probably...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

I AM NOT A FAN OF THE METAPHOR...

Let me be blunt...
I am not a fan of the metaphor...

Sure, it can be clever sometimes -
But ultimately nobody likes a smart alec...
Don't dress up the story as something it isn't...
If you want to tell tales of politics and moonbeams, then do...
Just don't spoil our stories by muddling them with yours...
There's no easy way to say this, but - we're here for the monsters!
For yes, it is when the metaphor entwines with fantasy,
With science-fiction or horror that they spoil things the most...
They turn up like a bad smell in the breeze...
Like that killjoy, Scrooge - or some unwanted party pooper;
Keen to remind the consumer that all they witnessed was but a mirage...
It is often just a vaguely pretentious way of making a point;
Of telling dull stories so they can be sold to we simple minded folk...
"Make it easier to understand... Stick a wig on it; say it came from Mars!"
Those man-eating aliens in that new film actually represent the red peril...
Those blood-sucking vampires you saw on television last night...
Well, they're actually an allusion used to illustrate -
The onset of man-flu in Bognor Regis during the 1920s...
All that talk about zombies - all that constant, brain-dead chitter-chat...
It's just a coded way of addressing what scientists perceive as...
The on-going plight of all teenagers with unsightly dandruff...
If you're going to share a humourless piece of prose, then do so -
But be literal - say what you see...
Take life at face-value and don't hide behind subtext...
Leave the spooky, scary, scaly beasts to those who appreciate them...
They are a glitter and a glamour that your story does not deserve...
Let us enjoy those werewolves for the fiends they truly are...
We are unafraid of their motives - we know what they represent to us...
They are they creepy-crawling terrors of midnight -
So please, just allow them to be what they will be...

Appearances can be deceptive...
Only let's not make them metaphorical as well, ok?!

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.