AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS…)
POETRY CAFÉ, THURSDAY 16th JUNE 2011


Well, this was definitely my biggest show yet - with press releases, charity themes, videos - extra special guests and even mentions in the London press: http://londonist.com/2011/06/book-grocer-15-21-june.php

In case the link eventually ceases to work we were billed as: "Paul Chandler, John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and Wilfredo spend the evening with a shy yeti and other animals, at the Poetry Cafe (8pm)."

The guests were, as follows:

John Smallshaw

Star of BBC Radio 4's Arthur Smith's Balham Bash and the subject of a soon-to-be released documentary about his life ('A Fish Called Pythagoras').

Gary Groves

Notoriously reclusive; this is his live London debut.

Wilfredo

The boy from Granada who has become the darling of the British festival scene. Fresh from sell out performances at the Brighton Festival Fringe and London's Leicester Square Theatre. He will be performing at the Underbelly throughout the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

As far as Mr Yeti was concerned I got to be the host for the night AND read more than a dozen of my poems. A number of poems by the other performers were recorded by my cameraman: Dan Hodges - and all of my pieces were recorded in full, except for OH FLORENCE!!!

In the end the evening went as follows:

FIRST HALF
8.00-8.40pm

We began with Julie's introduction to the night and also a short discussion on the charity before moving onto my first few poems, which were as follows:

DISCO YETI
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
THE TRUE LIGHT
BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE

I started off with three of my more familiar poems - ones that I usually read at shows which I collected in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation from 2009. BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE is one of my most recent poems from YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS which I have performed three times, so far, this year - and also included in my SHY YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series.

Following these poems there were some awesome poems by John Smallshaw. More on these when we get around to posting a video from the night. It was then time for me to read a few mine of my own poems and to talk a little about the charity...

LOVE-GO ROUND
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS
OH, FLORENCE!!!

The first two poems here were very new and received their live debut; both of them are from my forthcoming FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection of poems and prose that I don't expect to be published until next year. OH, FLORENCE!!! is an oldie and one of my favourites and can be found in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation.

Following this section we had Gary Groves debut on the London scene which was really well received - before we broke for a 20 minute break.

SECOND HALF
9.00-10.10pm

Returning after the break - I read a couple of animal poems building up to the piece that I had been commissioned to write for the evening (of which there is a specially recorded video on youtube...)

LITTLE PIG
IF YOU WERE MY WIFE
MY DOG IN A DRESS
A PERFECT MATCH

LITTLE PIG and MY DOG IN A DRESS are, of course - old pieces which can be found in SHY YETI RULES OK. IF YOU WERE MY WIFE is a new one from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE which has received a number of performances this year - whilst A PERFECT MATCH was the sketch that was especially commissioned for the night - which will eventually find its way into my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection next year.

There was also a video made before the night of A PERFECT MATCH: http://youtu.be/rJqJ5cukaJk filmed on location in Central London on Tuesday 14th June 2011 and posted up the following day to help attract interest in the night and the charity.

After my appearance we then had more from the fabulous John Smallshaw and then a whole lot of craziness from Wilfredo which had the audience in a near state of knicker-wetting hysteria! You think I jest! But no... Wilfredo has that affect on people... In a good way... If that's possible! ;) After Wilfredo I returned for my last four poems and a bit of plugging for YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS and my forthcoming THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection.

FREE COFFEE
A LITTLE MOUSE
OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER
I WILL EAT PIES

FREE COFFEE is a new piece which received it's live debut here - but which won't see the light of day until 2012 for FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. A LITTLE MOUSE is from my YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS book from earlier this year; whilst OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER is one that I've recently rediscovered from my 2009 collection IF POEMS WERE PIES. I had never performed it live, but really wanted to - and so I did! I WILL EAT PIES is my usual end of show piece - which can  located in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation, also from 2009.

I was really pleased to have time to fit in 15 poems on the night - the only other two poems that I had considered reading were THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR and THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE - PT 1... but I decided to debut a few newer poems instead.

I am currently working on a video of John, Gary and I - but more about that next time...

Thank you to all who came along and supported the charity - to Calum, Harry, Glyn, Dan, Robert, Tom, Vinnie and the other dozen or so people who I didn't get a chance to meet personally on the night...

Also a very big thank you to all those who could not attend and donated from afar - to Dominic, Stacy, Lorraine, Aidan, my mum and dad, Amber, Erik, Anita, Charlotte, Yvette...

I would also like to say another thank you to John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and Wilfredo for making the night so special - and for Julie Howell for making it all possible! It would appear the the total so far for the charity is £162.10, but a number of people are yet to donate - so that total could still go up. The online donation page is still active and can be accessed at: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson

I'll be posting again in a day or two about my recent soundcloud posts and the unfortunate delay with the first episode of the new SHY YETI IN PARIS series (never fear, after a hiccup it is on its way!); all that - not to mention the publication of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE…

That's about it for now...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

A SLIGHTLY-LONGER-THAN 60 SECOND CHAT WITH SHY YETI


Here is an interview that I did recently with a Beargrrrian magazine called THE GROWL GAZETTE – they know me over there due to my dubious connection with a certain Beargrrrian superstar named Charlie Grrr. The interview is mostly about my new book - YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS. So, here’s what they asked and what I said in reply – straight from the horse’s, erm – yeti’s mouth, as it were!

Q. So, Paul - tell us about your latest book. Firstly, what’s it called?

A. Well, the title is YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS – although that wasn’t the only title it went under. During the year or so I worked on it, it went under three different names – from THE DEATH OF LOVE to LOVE HUGS AND YETI FUZZ before I finally settled on this! I needed it to sound, at least, a little menacing – as the contents of this particular book are a little darker than usual…

Q. How does it differ from your last book DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? which came out last year on www.lulu.com?

A. I feel it differs quite a bit… There are more than just poems, this time there are also a few vignettes inspired by my visit to Los Angeles in August 2010 – not to mention nine short yet darkly-humorous horror stories. I’ve been getting back into horror over the last 18 months or so and so my ideas seem to be going down a sort of Joe Orton meets Stephen King path – and I’m very pleased about it too…

Q. Tell us about some of your favourites from the new book - which piece or pieces are you most proud of?

A. Well, I'm very happy that I've spent more time writing prose, recently… I am especially pleased with the short stories in this collection because I feel I’ve been able to write something that you might even class as a black comedy. My horror stories are horrible – but they are as much about the ludicrousness of the situation that the characters find themselves in than trying to be scary. For instance, in THE UNWANTED NEIGHBOUR the story is as much about the rivalry between an old woman and the monster who lives next door – with the moral that gossip is far more powerful as a weapon than sharp razor teeth! I’m also especially fond of a number of the poems – BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE, YOU – ME AND THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU, GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED, RESPECTABLE TEXTS, CUPCAKE, A FLEA TEA PARTY, A SWEET TAIL, WE’RE AN ITEM NOW and a number of others are already ones that have received nice comments at my shows or when recorded for videos and I hope in years to come I’ll still want to include these ones in my sets.

Q. How is the performance poetry going?

A. Good. Of course it’s still early days in many ways and I learn new things all the time. I still do shows at The Poetry Café twice a year and hopefully get the chance to read at other events along the way. This year is the first opportunity I’ve had to arrange a show with other poets so it’ll be very exciting to see how that goes!

Q. Are there any of your new poems that you feel are working especially well when performed live?

A. Definitely - and it's not always the obvious ones – sometimes it’s the ones I’ve asked the audience to pick randomly, which I’ve almost forgotten about – especially if it’s the older ones. I did one show last year where I provided the audience with the contents page of every book I had written up until that point and asked them each to select a titles from the contents page that they had been handed. In most cases they didn’t know the poem – but selected one for me to read by how much the title interested to them. It worked pretty well – nobody selected anything I really didn’t want to read, thankfully – but there aren’t TOO many of those. As for recent poems – any of the ones I mentioned earlier seem to be the ones working best; CUPCAKE always comes across in a far more sinister manner than I ever expected when I first wrote it. It’s like a stalking poem to a cake!!

Q. When is your next show?

A. I'm doing a show at The Poetry Café next month, Thursday 16th June 2011 with three other performers – John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and the legendary Wilfredo. It’s called AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI – AND OTHER ANIMALS and is for WOOD GREEN ANIMAL SHELTERS. I can’t really say anything more about it than that – but I do know it’s going to be very good!

Q. Will you be reading anything new?

A. Yes, indeed… One, maybe two new pieces – I suppose it depends on who you are and whether you’ve seen me perform my work before – to a lot of the audience it’ll all be new. But anyhew! Either way I am hoping to perform something new which I hope will appear in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection next year. One A PERFECT MATCH is written especially for the night and the other I am also considering is called LOVE-GO-ROUND and was only written a few days ago; but keeps whispering in my ear asking to be performed. We’ll see – I won’t make a decision yet; although I expect to get to read about ten pieces on the night.

Q. Any other upcoming shows?

A. Well, following on from my April show I have another planned for mid-November which is really all about celebrating 10 years since my first collection: JUNK/FOOD was published back in 2001. I’m issuing a 10th anniversary special edition with new commentary and photos to coincide with that and I’m expecting to read some poems from this book that ordinarily I would probably try and avoid! As much as I like JUNK/FOOD it has one or two pieces written back in 1992 that make me blush just a tad – let’s just say I’ve written better pieces since. That said I still feel that I could turn them into something worth hearing when I perform them. I also intend to read quite a bit from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE – which is the book that I have coming out in the summer. In addition to that I’m hoping to read some really new pieces and then one or two old favourites.

Q. How is the SHY YETI ON LOCATION series progressing?

A. Very well, I’d say. I have posted a number of videos up this year – the last two episodes of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series, a video called A YETI IN WINTER which was just 100-word stories, a performance video from my April 2011 show – not to mention finally getting around to editing SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN which I had intended to have ready last year, but which I ran out of time to finish. This last video appears in two parts – the first part featuring myself and Mr McCauley in various locations around London – as well as a yeti dance on a balcony on Manchester. The second episode was filmed in the English countryside and features a daft song, a rude limerick – silly accents – loads of out-takes and the only footage that survived from my trip to Venice in November 2010. The next series of videos was filmed in Paris in late April 2011 and should start appearing by early June – I’m not sure if that will end up as two or three episodes. There are also a few more episodes that I hope to film over the summer, including a return to Los Angeles in July and a general mooch around the English countryside – rather like last year’s SHY YETI IN THE COUNTRY episode.

Q. What about the forthcoming Paris episodes? Anything you can tell us about? Mr McCauley is back again, we hear?

A. Absolutely. All who watched the 2nd SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN episode will have seen a few Paris clips at the end – basically it’s all in the can – not that there’s actually a can; but I’m only just starting to edit the episodes now. I managed a number of new stories – an old poem – a yeti dance and a number of daft sketches with Monsieur McCauley. We filmed near The Louvre, Eiffel Tower, Montmartre, Pere Lachaise – basically anywhere we could. I just hope viewers enjoy it!!

Q. Can we expect to see any other parts of the States during your next trip?

A. Yes, indeed. Other than the usual L.A. location I expect to be taking a trip out to Portland, Oregan for a few days – so I’m hoping that I can set an episode there too. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be filming until I get there – but will probably read some new pieces and short stories from THE VAMPIRE COWS book. I also expect to be back in The States in November – but who knows what I’ll get up to then! There may even be a film from another European destination – but we’ll see!

Q. Will you be returning to open-mike in L.A.?

A. I'd very much like to if they'll have me back and there is time. My priority is to spend lots of quality time with Mr McCauley and then secondly recording more videos and taking photos for which ever book I'm working on by then.

Q. And you've nearly finished another book?

A. Yes… Two really! But that's just the way it often seems to happen… It's not as if I finished work on YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS in March and then began the next one in April - I began THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE in October and have been working on it since then whilst I was proofing the other collection. It’s just that every day I write it’s nice to work on some fresh writing – to spend half an hour or an hour to write a poem or some prose; but the reverse of that and the more boring side is the proofreading. So the balance is that I’m usually writing something new whilst putting the finishing touches to an older book.

Q. It still sounds like you came up with lots of ideas very quickly? How come?

A. I’ve always had a lot of ideas and I write every day – I had a pretty prolific year back in 2009 too, but on this occasion I blame it on those 100-word stories. I already had half a book written which was mainly poetry – but then suddenly I had a lot of ideas that really suited this 100-word format and once I had those ideas it was quite easy to write two or three a day whilst commuting to work or during a lunch break. Other than cutting them down to 100 words they didn’t need a lot of proofing – so the whole process of writing the second half of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE went very quickly between January and March 2011.

Q. You read some of the stories during an episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION didn’t you? Will you still be writing poetry?

A. I certainly will – in fact I finished one over the weekend called LOVE-GO-ROUND which I hope to read at the Poetry Café show in June. But you’re right – I did read some of the 100-word stories and probably will do again; I’m certainly focussing more on prose at the moment – but in different forms. For instance, the book after VAMPIRE COWS which I am currently working on, called A FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, has a mixture of prose and poetry – but I’ve already moved on from writing 100 word stories to writing maybe 500 to 1000 word pieces; something with a little more meat but which might not be any longer than, say, two sides of A4 paper. Basically I’m writing in all sorts of formats – not imposing too many rules and regulations and just seeing what happens… I’m also finding that I’m writing more about things or places or experiences that I’ve been involved with lately. I guess what I’ve been writing about lately are more just bizarre black comedies rather than necessarily horror or ghost stories out-right.

Q. And what is the other book you mentioned?

A. The new Mouse of Commons novel - the first since 2008’s GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY (the other Mouse books since then have all been short story collections.) I’m quite excited that it is nearly done as I’ve been working on this book on and off since 2007 and now that it’s finished I am already thinking about its sequel – not to mention finishing off a number of other Mouse short stories that are all finished, except for needing to be typed up.

Q. Well, that's about all for now - can I ask one more question? What ever happened to Sutton Park SW1?

A. Ah, I knew you'd ask that one! There are a number of episodes in the can ready to go – but I’ve just not had time to edit them as well as writing the books and working on SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. I’m hoping to get more episodes edited later this year and into 2012 – which is the 20th anniversary of the show.

Q. That's good news. Thank you, Paul.

A. That's okay, thank you for having me – hopefully we’ll growl again soon.

So, there you have it! More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx



This interview was conducted in May 2011 and is Copyright Paul Chandler/Growler Gazette 2011. 

YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS...
...IT'S LOVELY, NOT HORRIBLE AT ALL! ;)

Hello,

Just to let you know that YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS is now out. Hoorah!!!

The paperback came out on Friday (a week earlier than announced) on 25th March 2011 and the hardback emerged today!

Here's some more information:

YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS

Paul Chandler's latest collection of writing contains 55 new poems, 6 vignettes inspired by a trip to Hollywood and 9 darkly-humoured yet scary short stories! YETI HUGS & OTHER HORRORS... was written between December 2009 and October 2010. Verse includes CUPCAKE, A FLEA TEA PARTY, A SWEET TAIL - as well as a trilogy of poems: GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU and YOU, ME & THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS. In the short stories we meet a football mascot who gets rather too attached to his costume, two rather curious neighbours - an O.A.P and an amphibian man, an autograph collector who specialises in werewolves and vampires; not to mention a tattoo artist's assistant who learns his new boss's rather macabre method of dealing with customers who refuse to pay!

Publ: Lulu.com / Beeches Books   Published: Spring 2011   Pgs: 336

Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/yeti-hugs-and-other-horrors/15213817

The paperback is available for £9.99

Hardback: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/yeti-hugs-and-other-horrors/10328207

The hardback is available for £15.99

Download: http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/yeti-hugs-and-other-horrors/15213818

The download is available for £5.99

At the end of the post I have included a vignette from the collection called WORK IS RUBBISH, which was - erm - kind of inspired by a true story...

Now all I have to do is decide which pieces I'll be reading from the new book at my Poetry Cafe show next Saturday! :) More about that once I've actually done it - and no doubt there'll be a video or two from the show, as well... There better be as I was out recording links for it yesterday! ;)

I hope you enjoy it!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

WORK IS RUBBISH


“This place is a mess…” boomed my boss's boss. “It's an absolute tip…”
“It's a working environment!" replied my boss, addressing him as politely as possible.
“It isn't mess - it's work that needs completing once we get the free time to do so…”
“It's a mess…” my boss's boss snapped back in his typical understanding self.
“I want it cleared up…”
My boss looked over at me and my colleague, hoping for some support;
Which I was happy to give.
“You really don't understand how libraries work, do you?” I chipped in.
“An empty desk would infer we had no work to do!”
“Nonsense… Just do as I say and tidy up the place…”
“We deal in books - books need to be catalogued, processed, put on shelves…”
I continued defiantly.
“We're under-staffed…” added my colleague.
“You know that - we do our best and our customers appreciate us…”
“How would you like it if we came into your office and spoke to you like this…”
I said. “This is bullying…”
“I don't care what it is - or what other people say…” my boss's boss snarled.
“I say this place is a mess and it needs to be tided, right this minute –
Throw all this rubbish away or I'll do it myself…”
For a moment all was silent, but then finally my boss looked at me –
And I looked back at my boss…
And then we both looked at our colleague, the library clerk and then we all nodded.
“OKAY GANG!” we said in unison. “Let's tidy up…”
So saying we crossed the room as one formidable information-processing unit –
A juggernaut of knowledge…
And without a word we picked up my boss's boss by his legs and his arms…
We carried him, vainly struggling in our iron grip, out towards the back yard...
Then, once out there we plopped him, unceremoniously, into the recycling bin.
At once - and without too much trouble - our work was done.
“He was right…” sighed my boss. “It does feel good to have cleared some space…”
And YES… We all agreed, it really did…

Two weeks later and our boss's boss is still out there, I believe.
It would appear that nobody cared enough to go and get him out.
Shame that; but at least his shouting seems to have died away now…
Such a pity; but he was a bully and got no more than he deserved...
Oh yes, he really was trouble that one - cluttering up the place like that...

Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

WORK IS RUBBISH is from Paul Chandler's new collection: YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS. OUT NOW!! (See above links) All content of this post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

OPEN-MIKE U.K. VERSUS U.S. !!!

Hello!

The title of this post sounds all very grand and important; but really it's not at all…

I just wanted to briefly update you about my return to reading at the Poetry Café - Poetry Unplugged open-mike evening on Tuesday 25th January 2011. It was the first time I'd been along for quite some months. I read towards the end of the first half and I think I was probably the only person either rhyming or reading more humour-based poetry in that half; usually it's a bit more of a mix. There was quite a lot of free-form poetry about death and break-ups! ;)

I read the following poems - all of the first 3 appear in one of my recent SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos and I'll post links to which ones below. I also managed a quick mention of both the Youtube and Vimeo sites during my 5 minutes:

THE CAFFEINE QUEEN

A piece from DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? which is one of my favourites from my recent books. It was included in my first SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode ON LOCATION IN DORSET back in January 2010.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dHbo3vLD-g or http://vimeo.com/8541628

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

A poem I usually read towards the end of my shows - it first appeared in my collection ROLLERCOASTER in 2002 and later in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation in 2009. I also recorded it for my Valentine's show in February 2010.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhR_PljZay8 or http://vimeo.com/9347050

BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE

A new piece from the next book YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS (2011) which recently appeared in part 3 of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYYzcBIYS34 or http://vimeo.com/18970584

THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A.

This is where the U.S. Open-mike reference comes from. This is a poem from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE - the book after YETI HUGS... which should be out late this year or early 2012; it all depends how fast I get it done. Currently it's going VERY fast!! This piece was first debuted on Facebook earlier this month and is about what somebody said to me after I had read at the enjoyable Cobalt Café Open Mike night in August 2010. Apparently rhyme isn't so popular over there...

Thanks to Julie for going along to support me - I'm going to post the L.A. poem at the end of this post!

More news soon…

Take care for now - yeti hugs!

Paul xx

THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A...


They don't rhyme their poems in L.A...
You know they told me that in person!
I think perhaps they're kinda nervous...
Or have some quite perverse aversion!
Oh, they'd rather write in free-verse...
To pretend they're intellectual...
They cock-a-snoop at limericks –
And declare daft ditties ineffectual...
But what makes a poem work?
Well, it's a lot about the timing...
I thought they liked their hip-hop there –
And isn't rap about the rhyming?
But I don't wanna cause a war –
So I will smile and not start fighting...
Yes, I will rhyme back home in Blighty –
And know I'm right in what I'm writing!

THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A. is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011 - it will be published in late 2011 / early 2012 in the forthcoming collection THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES.

WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON IN SHY YETI LAND!?! :)

Hello!

Well, I did promise a review of all my writing during 2010 and I do still intend to complete that post; but it's going to take longer than expected. I thought instead that I'd like to update you with some other news about stuff that is yet to happen.

Mainly as follows:

1) NEW POETRY VIDEOS

There are now 3 videos from my December 2010 trip to L.A. They are on both Youtube and Vimeo at the following links:

Part 1 is called: LA-LA-LAND...  and can be watched at either: www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0I_x9Xy6tI or www.vimeo.com/18133998

Part 2 is called: VEGAS-VA-VA-VOOM...   and can be watched at either: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF4OlsOeqTY or www.vimeo.com/18238790

Part 3 is called: HOLLYWEIRDNESS and can be watched at either: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYYzcBIYS34 or www.vimeo.com/18970584

I'm undecided as to the title of the 4th part and it isn't ready for viewing yet, anyway, but I'm currently editing this video, which is due sometime in February.

I have also completed filming the next video after that which is provisionally entitled: A YETI IN WINTER and was filmed in the UK between late December 2010 and mid January 2011. There is also an additional episode of SHY YETI TALKS concerning my collection THIRD TIME LUCKY that I'd like to put out before Easter and the legendary lost SHY YETI VS AUTUMN two-part episode which I'd like to return to before the summer; by which time there will most likely be new live material. I also intend to film another SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode in a mainland European city during late April 2011.

2) YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS

I am in the final stage of proofing this book. All the poems and most of the behind the scenes stuff is ready to go. I'm just taking extra care to get the short stories proofed properly. You can see the cover and hear some of the poems from it in the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. It is provisionally due out on Friday 1st April - with a book launch/gig party booked at The Poetry Café for Saturday 2nd April. More to follow on this...

3) NEW GIGS

I am hoping to go to open-mike night tomorrow for the first time in a while. More on that if and when it goes ahead. As mentioned I am planning a book launch/gig on Saturday 2nd April 2011. I am also working with Julie Howell PR to put on a show at The Poetry Café with a number of other creative types on Thursday 16th June 2011 - but once again; more on that and how to get hold of tickets nearer the time.

4) 100 WORD STORIES AND VAMPIRE COW POEMS

Things are going well with the writing of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES - but this project now looks like it is going to include quite a lot of prose as well as well over 30 new poems. As of January 2011 I have been writing 100 word stories; this came about because I discovered some old ones that I had written during late 1994 and was quite pleased that they still held up so well. Last week I decided to write some more and have written getting on for 20 new 100 word stories which seem to have received some good feedback on Facebook and which I think will work well at gigs and in future Shy Yeti videos. In fact I have recorded 4 of them for SHY YETI IN WINTER… I include one of them below - it's called GRANDPA'S WIG and was only written at the weekend. I hope you'll like it.

5) OTHER PROJECTS

On top of all this I am also working on proofing GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM - with my mum returning to proofreading with this particular book after a break of around 5 years. I am also typing some of the short Mouse stories that I wrote back in 2007 and 2008 for another book of short stories. In addition to this I am working on expanded 10th anniversary editions of both JUNK/FOOD and ROLLERCOASTER my first poetry collections from late 2001 and early 2002.

More news on various projects - including open-mike night if it happens, soon.

Thank you for reading!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx


GRANDPA’S WIG


Tommy was sure his Mum was lying...

“Grandpa wears a wig!” she’d whispered in confidence.

Tommy wasn’t convinced.

Once when Grandpa was sleeping he’d sneaked a quick look himself and sure enough when he tugged at it Grandpa’s luxuriant hair flew off without resistance.

Much to Tommy’s surprise, on Grandpa’s shiny bald head there sat a grumpy-looking rabbit with long white ears. “Some of us are trying to sleep!” it snapped.

Tommy dropped the wig and ran...

Eventually he overcame the shock; but after that every time he saw Grandpa - Tommy always took a carrot with him; just in case...

GRANDPA'S WIG was written on Saturday 22nd January 2011 and is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011

A NEW POEM FOR CHRISTMAS 2010...

Happy Christmas to you all!

This won't be a very long post as I intend to do my review of the year once Christmas dinner has worn off; but I will just say that final proofing on the new book YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS is over half-way complete and I expect the book to be ready by late January, early February. You can also hear me read a number of the new poems if you take a peek at my Youtube profile MRSHYYETI where I have just posted the first episode of a new 3 (maybe 4!) part SHY YETI ON LOCATION series: A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD, which I filmed earlier this month. The new book also contains last year's Christmas poems BLACKMAILING SANTA and CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS - but you can also read them on here:

BLACKMAILING SANTA
http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2009_12_13_archive.html

CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS (plus REVIEW OF 2009)
http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2009_12_20_archive.html

Your Christmas poem this year doesn't come from that collection, but in fact for the one after that which I can reveal is probably going to be called either VAMPIRE COWS SONGS or THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER POEMS... I have 14 poems already written for that collection, including one that I unearthed from 1989 - however I doubt the book will be ready until late 2011 as I have YETI HUGS to launch first. I'm pretty pleased with the new book - not just because of the poems - but also because it contains 9 short horror stories which I really enjoyed writing this year.

Anyway - this festive poem is called SANTAS DON'T TEXT - it was originally called AN INVASION OF SANTAS and is based on something that I saw at London Bridge Station on Sunday 19th December 2010. It's a little bit silly; but I hope you enjoy it. As mentioned I should be returning with my review of the year in the next few days; by which time the 2nd episode of the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video might be up and ready.

Thanks to everyone for their support this year - bestest furriest Christmas wishes to you all!

Yeti hugs,
Paul xxx

SANTAS DON’T TEXT…


Today I saw what can only be described as “an invasion of Santas…”
There must have been, at least, 20 of them…
I was at London Bridge Station when I first saw them –
They came off the tube carriage in front of me down in the Underground;
Looking a little drunk if truth be told!
It was only a week before Christmas too and it did make me wonder –
How on earth they’d find the time to go out for a tipple at such a busy time of year…
They were still just ahead of me as we rode the escalator –
People were taking photos and calling out silly comments;
“Where's your sleigh, boys? You lost it?”
“Rudolph got stuck in a snow drift, lads?”
“Hey fellas! Show us your jingle bells…”
Personally, I didn't have the patience for photos or witticisms;
I was still trying to work out which one of them was actually Santa…
I presumed he was amongst them somewhere - but I couldn't see him.
Hopefully he knew what he was doing - letting them all go out like that;
Hopefully he'd keep an eye on them and not let stuff get out of hand!
I was puzzled as to whether the others were just his younger brothers or some such…
Because I’d never actually heard that Santa had a brother - let alone so many of them!
It was kind of sweet; they looked almost identical with those big white beards…
Although when we reached the ticket barriers I looked really closely –
And it was only at this stage that I began to notice something…
Forgive me if this sounds silly, but their beards looked kind of – stuck on…
And underneath those beards they all looked so young - almost like students.
The point when I really lost faith was when I saw that one of them had a nose ring –
Not just that but a mermaid tattoo; and he was texting – I mean, Santas don’t text!
I also noticed that some of them were wearing jeans under their baggy red trousers –
Well, what can I say; after that I really found it hard to believe in them…
I just hope they don't mess up on the big day –
Or else a lot of small children are going to be VERY disappointed...

SANTAS DON'T TEXT is Copyright Paul Chandler 2010. His new book YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS a collection of poetry, prose and short stories is due out from Beeches Books via www.lulu.com in February 2011.

MY 150TH POST: INTRODUCING "YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS..."

Hello and welcome!!

This post is particularly important for two reasons; firstly it reveals what I hope is the final title and the cover (of the paperback version) of my next collection and secondly because it is the 150th post on this blog since I began it in 2002. Originally the new book was to have been called THE DEATH OF LOVE; I mentioned it a number of times on here and it is referred to as so in the first edition of A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI. There is even a poem called THE DEATH OF LOVE included. Who knows - maybe I'll come back to that one, but it just didn't seem to fit this collection and so I re-christened it LOVE FUZZ AND YETI HUGS. You can see one of the early cover proofs below...

In the end I decided that, although I liked the front cover picture I did look a little sweaty (well, I was in California in August!!), but that also LOVE FUZZ AND YETI HUGS also sounded a little too jolly for a book that contained 9 short horror stories. However each of the different sections will have a title of their own. One of the other titles that I considered was SHY YETI'S BUMPER BOOK OF HUGS AND HORRORS - which was simply far too long, but from that I ended up with YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS. I was keen to keep YETI HUGS in the title as it's how I've signed off a lot of my posts over the years on this blog and in my books - not to mention something I tend to use when I'm asked for the very occasional autograph. (It does happen, believe it or not and I'm always very flattered to do so!)

This cover was the first cover that I tried with this title - still using photos that were taken on my Californian trip - however, looking at it I decided that it was probably a little too bright and summery.

This one I quite liked and it saw the introduction of the skull photo that ended up on the back of the final cover; another California photo. But in the end I decided to go back to the previous font and use one of my favourite photos from this summer; taken by myself on a walk on a rainy August afternoon near Winchester.

I intend to post the titles of the poems and short stories in the new book and maybe one of the new poems over the next couple of months! Anyway - I hope you like the new title and the cover (at least the one that I'm using *THIS* week!) The book is still in the proofreading stages - and I don't really think that December is a very good month to launch it, so I guess it will be out sometime in mid-January. I may also do a small book launch sometime around then too. The rest of the year is going to be pretty busy what with a couple of big trips still on the cards - trips that should feature in forthcoming SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. Speaking of which SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN is still being edited and I am determined to get in finished next month before it becomes officially Winter. (When *is* that?)

To finish with - and to celebrate the 150th anniversary I'm going to select 5 random posts for you peruse and explain their importance as far as they relate to the blog; they're in date order rather than any other order! Also I thought I'd share with you the title of a poem I've been working on this week - which is not quite finished, but will probably be the first poem for my NEXT collection. The poem is called THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE. Yup. Okay... I'm going now!

Those random five posts follow - check them out if you are so inclined - two or three of them feature a poem! If not I'll return soon, when I may have more information about the SHY YETI ON LOCATION video that I intend to film during my November birthday vacation and my charity gig at The Poetry Cafe on Monday 22nd November!

SHY YETI'S 5 RANDOM BLOG POSTS:

MAY 2002

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2002_04_28_archive.html

The blog was pretty basic at this stage and I was almost writing it as a fictional diary at this stage. The first post includes one of my favourites: HERBAL TEABAGS.

OCTOBER 2005

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2005_10_09_archive.html

My first blog post with photos! It made a lot of difference to blogging to be able to make it more interesting to read and to be able to show off photos of book covers or gigs. This contains the poem: I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE 18, AGAIN from POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL.

AUGUST 2006

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2006_08_06_archive.html

Lulu.com starts to have an effect on my back-catalogue as I begin to take photos for re-released versions of the early books.

FEBRUARY 2008

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2008_02_10_archive.html

This is the kind of thing I love doing - writing a poem one day and having it up on the blog within about 24 hours! The ultimate in being able to get an immediate reaction to something you've written and I still do it to this day. The poem here is THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE.

NOVEMBER 2008

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2008_11_23_archive.html

A very busy month indeed - book launches, reading on the radio - off to Oslo... Also a poem: TOO SLUSHY FOR SNOWMEN, which is also one of the first poems that I read for a SHY YETI ON LOCATION video.

I rather enjoyed that! lol

Yeti hugs, Paul xx

P.S. You may be wondering who this cute little fellow is - well, he appears in my next book! Thank you to Sercan for letting me use him and another of his character. Sercan and I are currently discussing the possibility of him illustrating a revised 10th Anniversary version of MOUSE OF COMMONS - MOUSE OF LORDS, the first Mouse of Commons novel... So, watch this space!!