HAPPY CHRISTMAS FROM THE DAFFY POET!!

Hello...

Just a quick hello and a chance to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thank you to everybody who has supported me this year - either by coming to my gigs, buying a book, accompanying me to open mike nights because it's scary going on my own, reading the blog or just chuckling when a read you a silly poem in person or sending me a nice bit of feedback when I emailed you one... Extra-special thanks this year especially go to Kirk, Calum, Robert, Nick, Neph, Tom and Harry for their help and support when I was putting books together or practicing for my gigs. For a shy yeti such as myself to even be doing gigs all on my lonesome is a big step and so I'm very happy to look back and feel I've achieved quite a bit in the last 12 months...

2009 has been my most prolific year ever, I would think - at least poetting wise! The final total is yet undetermined, but I have completed more than 175 poems so far this year; however I'm sure I'll write a few more before the end of the year. I'm really happy with how things are going - to have published three new collections, with a 4th one on the way and another in the very early stages feel a very positive thing! I'm also really pleased that I put together my SHY YETI RULES O.K. collection as a slimmer volume that I'm happy introduces my poetry in a confidant manner. All these projects (not to mention my day job and Mouse of Commons work!) certainly kept me off the streets; except for when I've gone out onto the streets to take daft photos to illustrate the poems - but that's just fun.

Aside from writing the individual poems these are some of the highlights of the year for me...

JANUARY: Putting the finishing touches to IF POEMS WERE PIES and making starting the new year off with a visit to the Poetry Cafe open-mike night.

FEBRUARY: Publishing IF POEMS WERE PIES and starting my next collection CAVEMAN LOGIC...

MARCH: My first gig at The Poetry Cafe to celebrate the launch of IF POEMS WERE PIES, another trip to POETRY UNPLUGGED - whilst I already have 50 new poems almost ready for CAVEMAN LOGIC... On top of all that I also put together a new compilation of my poems since 1992 called SHY YETI RULES O.K.

APRIL: Out and about over the Easter holidays taking photos for my books and posing with SHY YETI RULES O.K. as I write the final few poems for CAVEMAN LOGIC.

MAY: CAVEMAN LOGIC is almost complete and I begin to work on THE SHY LIFE, whilst taking loads of photos on various days out as we move towards summer...

JUNE: More trips away to Hull, Bridlington and Beverley - so more photos and more poems for THE SHY LIFE... CAVEMAN LOGIC comes out late in the month, a couple of weeks earlier than expected! I have also begun to use BLOGTV to preview some of my new poems...

JULY: I spend a lot of time on BLOGTV trying out some of my new poems and on the 12th July have my first book launch of the year for all the new books, including my latest Mouse of Commons collection of short stories.

AUGUST: Two and a half weeks of this month are spent overseas - travelling from Munich along the Danube to Vienna and then onto Budapest. Loads of photos taken, a couple of poems completed, THE SHY LIFE is proofread and much fun is had too! :) I am also preparing for my next gig...

SEPTEMBER: CAVEMAN LOGIC gig and BLOGTV gig are the two biggest highlights - as well as a return to open-mike night towards the end of the month and the start of my next collection DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?...

OCTOBER: My long weekend in Nice at the start of the month provides me with some new poems and plenty of photos for DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? (to be published early next year!) and the finishing touches are made to THE SHY LIFE.

NOVEMBER: THE SHY LIFE is published - another book launch and a trip to Krakow for my birthday which provides both photos and inspiration for DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?

DECEMBER: Work on DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? continues, as I begin my next collection: LA MORT D'AMOUR/THE DEATH OF LOVE and post two Christmas poems from this new project...

As far as 2010 is concerned, I hope to be doing another gig in the spring and would like to go to a few more open-mike nights, not only at THE POETRY CAFE. I'd also like to go on BLOGTV a bit more again and try out some of the new poems from DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? before the book is finished. On the books front DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? should be published by March and I'll also keep working on LA MORT D'AMOUR/THE DEATH OF LOVE and see how that goes. 2010 is also the 10th anniversary of the first MOUSE OF COMMONS novel, so I want to do more mousey work to mark that occasion and the next book: POSTCARDS FROM MCWHISKERS should be out before the summer.

Unless I come up with something marvellous before new year - this may be my last post of 2009, so I want to finish with something new. As mentioned when I posted BLACKMAILING SANTA last week - my second Christmas offering is a rather dark and possibly quite depressing poem called CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS. I hope you enjoy it and the idea of a skeleton family celebrating (or not) Christmas isn't too disturbing for you. I'm sure Christmas Dr Who will be twice as unnerving - so it's just something to get you in the spooky festive mood!

I hope to post something more on the MOUSE OF COMMONS blog before Christmas - so do check that out around Christmas eve time...

Thanks again for all your support this year and if you didn't support me, then shame on you - I'd say Santa will come and spank you, but people like you probably enjoy that sort of thing! Tut! :)

Bye for now. Merry Christmas and a Happy 2010!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

PS I do hope you enjoy some of the festive photos posted here - as usual some of them have that certain shy yeti something! (ie: pulling daft and silly faces!!)

CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS


Christmastime for Mr Skeleton –
Isn’t like for you and I...
He has to steal to get his tinsel…
For he has no pennies left to buy!
But decorations are essential –
Yes, it’s all he seems to need…
He can't enjoy Christmas like we do…
Because he cannot really feed!
Give him pudding if you like –
But see it slide back out again…
Watch gravy dripping off his bones –
It's simply better to abstain!
He may once upon a time have –
Quite adored some festive cake…
But alas, it's now not practical…
Crumbs! It’s a very bad mistake!
Yes, even just a glass of port –
It may really prove a danger!
Leaving dribbles on the floor –
Could there be a sight more stranger?
With decorations through each ear –
And a fairy on his head…
With a bauble for an eyeball –
Because it makes him feel less dead!
A crimson garland round his neck...
A little glitter on his clothes!
A string of lights across his shoulders –
And a fir cone up his nose!
He tries his hardest that’s for sure –
And he is certainly no slacker!
At least he’s never gonna choke –
Upon the contents of a cracker!
It’s just quite hard to be excited –
Or to embrace some Christmas cheer!
When it’s just not in your bones –
And you can’t grab a sneaky beer!
Well, he does his very best…
Despite the mess he may create!
Despite all the trials life deals –
When he’s early – still he’s late!


Christmastime for Mrs Skeleton –
Isn’t like for normal types…
So much mess goes on the floor!
She is awash with kitchen wipes!
Modern ways have not caught on –
Even though she now is dead!
With her husband fast asleep –
There’s still the budgie to be fed!
If she had her way she’d skip this –
It only gets her in a state…
She just looks silly decked in holly…
The dead don’t need to decorate…
No, they should lie within their graves –
And simply get some well-earned rest…
Maybe play a round of Snap…
But there’s no need for Sunday best!
There is no need to have the folks round;
There is no need to entertain…
Mrs S. she doesn’t want it –
For what on earth, now, can they gain?
Oh, what need they now with presents?
Yes, why need they swap a gift?
Mr S. still has his views –
“It simply gives the year a lift!”
It’s very easy though to say it…
But so much harder to arrange…
Mrs S she sits and dreams –
She’s really hoping for a change…
She will no longer wear that tinsel –
Keep stray baubles in her head…
No, she will face up to the fact –
That she’s okay with being dead!
Because this season ain’t for shopping –
It just wears out her bony feet…
It’s not for slaving in the kitchen –
On food she cannot ever eat!
There is no need for party games –
Nor to start that New Year diet!
This year all she wants for Christmas –
Is just a little peace and quiet…




CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS and all poems in this blog are copyright to Paul Chandler 2009.

SHY YETI’S FIRST 2009 BOOK LAUNCH

SUNDAY, 12th JULY 2009, FITZROVIA

On Sunday 12th July I held my first book launch of 2009, in both The Cock Tavern and Horse & Groom on Great Portland Street, Fitzrovia. We were launching CAVEMAN LOGIC as well as the new, finally released GOSSIP FROM THE CHEESE COUNTER collection - and also celebrating the arrival, earlier in the year of IF POEMS WERE PIES and SHY YETI RULES O.K.

Here are some photos from the day. Thank you to Harry, Calum, Gareth, Andrew, Lloyd, Tom, Robert, Andy and Gibson for coming along on the day.

More news on my BLOGTV broadcasts, September gig, November book launch and forthcoming collection: THE SHY LIFE over the next few months.

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

BUSY ON BLOGTV...

As mentioned in my previous post, my new collection: CAVEMAN LOGIC is now available for £8.99 at: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/caveman-logic/5957268

I am busy with my next collection and have already written over half of it. In addition to this I have been blogging on a site called BLOGTV. I do a regular half hour show on a saturday morning between about 9.30-10.00. During the show I talk about what I've been writing and then record a ten minute section where I read between 3 and 4 poems. I've recorded 11 shows, so far - some from the saturday shows and some from short-notice shows and I've been reading a mixture of poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC and work-in-progress THE SHY LIFE, as well as reading some old favourites.

Following this are brief details on tests 8-10, with the poems that I recorded, commments and links to the actual videos. Once on the site you will be able to watch any of the other tests. You can also set up your own profile and do you own shows, although if you just want to watch the films you don't have to have a profile. The pictures at the top of the page are screen grabs from some of the shows.

I'll post some more new poems soon!

Enjoy the films!

Furry hugs,

Paul x

THE 8TH TEST:
SATURDAY 27th JUNE 2009

READ: BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING, OLD BAG FOR LIFE, ROBOTS AND WRONGUN’S - ALL FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009)

This show was recorded at around 9:45 on the 27th June 2009, but I broadcast for about 15 minutes beforehand and five minutes after – talking about putting CAVEMAN LOGIC on Lulu.com, which had happened just days before and also a little about working on GOSSIP FROM THE CHEESE COUNTER, the Mouse of Commons book that I was also completing at the time. Once started I read four poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC: BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS I had never read live, but had posted on my blog that week, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING I had read at my gig on March 1st 2009, when it was a very new composition. OLD BAG FOR LIFE and ROBOTS & WRONGUNS made their debut here. Having completed the broadcast I received a message from BLOGTV saying the recording hadn’t worked and so I began to perform it again. This time I got as far as OLD BAG FOR LIFE and the internet connection went down. Running out of time, at this point, I then discovered that the majority of the first version of the recording had saved and so I left it at that! Phew!!

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXuZuVHb_&pos=ancr
DURATION: 8 MINUTES 55 SECONDS


THE 9TH TEST:
SUNDAY 28th JUNE 2009

READ: CAVEMAN LOGIC, THE LAST LOVE LETTER, REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15, SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK. POEM 1 & 2 FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009), POEM 3 & 4 FROM: SHY YETI RULES O.K. (2009).

This show was an unexpected recording – the day after TEST 8, recorded around 16:35-16:45 on a Sunday afternoon, although after advertising that the show was coming up on Facebook (which I had done with TEST 8 and some of the earlier tests), I also nattered for about 5 minutes before and after the recording. I hadn’t expected to do another recording until Saturday 4th July, but in the end found myself with some time to record another show. I decided to read two new poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC collection and 2 from SHY YETI RULES O.K. The only one of these four poems that had been read live before was SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK, which I’d done at a reading in Derby in April 2008 and which was originally from my 2002 collection: ROLLERCOASTER. REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15 was a poem that I had largely forgotten until I came to compile the SHY YETI RULES O.K. book and being about commuter nightmares it still seemed very relevant. It made its first appearance in my 2003 collection: GO 4TH & DIVIDE. As quite a few of my previous shows had been done without much announcement or as with TEST 5-7 before work, I had yet take notice of viewing number for each TEST and had forgotten that you don’t have to be a member of BLOGTV to watch. I was a bit disconsolate to discover no viewers (and had been the previous day with TEST 8), until I noticed on the other corner of the screen that I had a good half dozen viewers, which I was pleased with seeing as I’d only announced this TEST with about 10 minutes notice. Readers who have seen this particular TEST or have access to it will notice a cameo from poet’s inspiration - Kirk’s cat, Nightshade – who jumps on the bed at the start of THE LAST LOVE LETTER, wiggles her bottom around for a few seconds and then shoots off the bed again!! What a STAR!!

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXub2THbX&pos=ancr
DURATION: 10 MINUTES 00 SECONDS


THE 10TH TEST:
MONDAY 29th JUNE 2009

READ: RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE, A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH, I WILL EAT PIES. POEM 1, 2 & 4 FROM: SHY YETI RULES O.K. (2009). POEM 3 FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC. (2009).

This show was recorded at quite short notice – with about a 30 minute warning on Facebook, one evening after work. It was recorded at around 8:45, although I logged on about 5 minutes before and discussed which poems I was going to read, mentioned Nightshade (who was also mentioned in the show itself and was sitting behind me on the dark bed spread and didn’t really show up! Having done the majority of the show with no live viewers I suddenly gained 3 towards the end of the show and so once I’d finished recording I went back and read RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE for a second time, but didn’t record that version. Of the 4 poems, 3 were from SHY YETI RULES O.K., but A LEARNING EXPERIENCE originally appeared in my 2002 collection ROLLERCOASTER. This has been a recent favourite of mine at gigs and open-mike nights. RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE comes from my 2008 book SHY YETI’S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION and I originally made it’s debut on my blog on Christmas Day 2007, whilst I WILL EAT PIES was included in my 2007 volume RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR... I read I WILL EAT PIES at my March 2009 gig, but made a bit of a cock up (although I’m not sure anyone noticed because I just kept reading anyway!) Still, it was nice to record it and not make such a bodge on this occasion. YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH made it’s debut here and comes from my most recent collection CAVEMAN LOGIC.

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXubeRHbP&pos=ancr
DURATION: 9 MINUTES 43 SECONDS

CAVEMAN LOGIC!!!

OUT NOW!!!

Hi,

This is just to announce that CAVEMAN LOGIC is OUT and available on Lulu.com at:
http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/caveman-logic/5957268

Here's a bit more information...

Description:

CAVEMAN LOGIC is Paul Chandler's 2nd book of poetry during 2009; written between January and May 2009. Paul's nom-de-plume is SHY YETI and this collection clearly shows just how quickly yeti can get working when it comes to rhyme an general daftness. CAVEMAN LOGIC includes over 65 new compositions, including: THE BALLAD OF BOROUGH MARKET, FOXED, I'M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY, OWLS IN BRAS, THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH, SNOW BUNNIES & YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL. Some of these pieces have already been performed around London, others will be aired on his European Tour in August 2009 and others may well appear during open-mike nights and gigs over the next few months.

Download: 1 documents, 124445 KB £4.99
Printed: 200 pages, 6" x 9", perfect binding, black and white interior ink
Hardcopy: £8.99

I have also been blogging on BLOGTV and recorded a show today including 3 poems from the new book: THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH, THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY and BUY ME A POET'S LICENCE

You can watch this 9 minute show at:
http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXuZeZFbX&pos=ancr

To finish with, here is another poem from CAVEMAN LOGIC - BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, which I hope you'll enjoy!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
Which he bought in Matalan...
He's been down the health salon –
He's got himself an orange tan!
Yes - and his ears are smartly pierced;
He went for studs instead of hoops –
He's got a tablet of Viagra –
Just in case he gets the droops!
Just in case the horse has bolted –
As a swift shot in the arm...
But with his brand new lucky knickers –
Well, he's got automatic charm!

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
With his eyebrows neatly brushed...
He takes ages getting ready –
He always feels as if he's rushed!
He has flossed his teeth precisely –
Trimmed the hairs right up his nose...
Rinsed the debris from his ears –
Good lord, he's even washed his clothes!
He is really quite the lad –
Although his hair is quite effete!
Whichever boy or girl he pulls –
They will have won themselves a treat!

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
They are bound to bring him pleasure!
They're a little on the tight side –
Alas, they were not made to measure...
But they show him off quite nicely –
Let's just say he doesn't need a sock!
As he holds his lover tightly –
And pouts some karaoke rock!
Although he's very slim of waist –
He has begun to feel the pinch...
Well, a talent such as his –
Needs to be taken inch by inch!

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
He’s not been seen in them before...
If he doesn't pull tonight –
Then he will be a total bore!
What a way to spend an evening –
It gives a boy something to do...
And it keeps him off the streets –
All those who'd like to; form a queue!
He will weave his magic spell –
The secret's simply not to care!
He's got the whole world in his pants –
In brand new pulling underwear!

THE NEW AND THE EVEN NEWER!!!

Hi,

I just thought I'd update you on how things are going with CAVEMAN LOGIC, my next book of poems. I have received my first draft copy and whilst away last week up in the Hull/Beverley/Bridlington area I made amendments on the hard copy and this week I've been making the changes to the electronic version of the text. If all goes well this will be completed by early next week - the new version will be uploaded onto www.lulu.com by mid-week; which means that CAVEMAN LOGIC should be available to purchase on the LULU site by about the 1st of July.

More news when I have it, but it's looking good and I'm very pleased with how it has come out. I'll be posting a couple of my favourites from the new collection around the time of the launch.

Meanwhile, I've doing very well with the next collection - which is still going under the title of THE SHY LIFE. More about that once CAVEMAN LOGIC has been published - but as I type I have 25 new poems and another dozen or so in different stages. At the rate I'm going I could quite reasonably expect to have another collection ready by Christmas. But we shall see...

Anyway, one of the poems that I have completed this week is called MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY and I'm really pleased with it, so I have reproduced a first draft of it here for you to (hopefully) enjoy!

Next time I will probably tell you a little about my cheekily entitled: SHY YETI TOUR OF EUROPE!! :)

Anyway - enjoy the new poem!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY...


I'm making toast for the enemy...
As a way to be nice...
To set aside our dislike!
To simply put it on ice!
I'm quite aware of the past...
From experience I've learnt!
But I'm keeping an eye open...
So the toast won't get burnt!
I have softened the butter...
So it’ll spread like a dream!
I am smiling my widest...
Whilst wishing death to the team!
I've got jams of all flavours –
And some thick marmalade!
So, I’ll make toast for the enemy...
Their every wishes obeyed!


I'm making cake for the enemy...
As a way to seem sweet!
As a way to get round them...
Just to side-step defeat!
I'm quite aware of the tension...
That is rapidly brewing!
But I'd rather not sit there –
Just angrily stewing!
No, I'd rather make cake –
I won't bake in some grit...
I won't fill it with poison –
And I'll not try to spit!
I'll make sponge to appease them...
Smooth some icing on top!
If I make cake for the enemy...
Will the menacing stop?


I'm making tea for the enemy...
I am quenching their thirst!
I am dodging their punches...
But who'll come off the worst?
'Cos my tea is not great...
Sometimes it's lukewarm at best!
Either too sugary or strong...
Or simply too hot to test!
Either too milky or sickly...
I had better take care!
Not to drop in a grenade...
That could blow off their hair!
Because I'm trying to be kind...
I simply must grasp the nettle...
So I’ll make tea for the enemy...
Yes, I'll just pop on the kettle!


I'm making love for the enemy...
I am nobody's dummy!
I don't like giving kisses...
As a way to be chummy!
I am feeling uncertain...
About the dress I am wearing!
I'm a simpering princess –
But inside I am swearing!
Well, I'm sharpening my claws...
For I'm nobody's sweetie!
Seems there's no hope of peace...
They have broken the treaty!
But I'll flirt with them all –
And I'll take them to bed!
So, I’ll make love for the enemy...
But by dawn they'll be dead!

GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF AGAIN!!

Well, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here... I'm posting you up a new poem - hot off the press, which I've only just finished writing not minutes ago... So it won't be in the next book CAVEMAN LOGIC, but probably in my collection after that, tentatively entitled: THE SHY LIFE (LICENCE TO POET...) More about the new poem in a minute - let's discuss CAVEMAN LOGIC a little more, first... There will be more details soon, but it's looking as if the collection will be out mid-July, in time for my book launch party - as I'm currently nearly finished doing final rewrites and proofreading and am about to order my first observation copy (so I can see how it looks before I attempt to sell it to anyone and ensure that I'm happy with it!)

What I can tell you is that it will be 200 pages long and contains 67 new compositions; with a final set-list of titles, as follows:

ATTACK CAT
BACK WHEN THE INTERNET WAS YOUNG
THE BALLAD OF BOROUGH MARKET
BEARS AREN’T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS
BE MY VALENTINE
BETWEEN YOU & I
BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS
BUY ME A POET’S LICENCE
THE CACTUS KID
CAN’T YOU STOP IT RAINING
CAVEMAN LOGIC
CHARMING!!!
THE DEPARTMENT OF SHODDY WORKMANSHIP
DISPOSABLE DARLING
DOOR-TO-DOOR PSYCHOPATH
DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ME?
EATING GARLIC BREAD IN THE BATH
EDNA LOVELYSHOES
FOXED
GOOD CUBS TURNED BAD
THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY
HER ONLY FRIEND, THE BEAR
HER STAR BURNS BRIGHTLY
HE’S NOT ALL THAT
HIS EYES AREN’T AS BIG AS HIS STOMACH
I ALWAYS ASSUMED YOU WERE GAY
I COULD’VE BEEN
IF A CAVEMAN & A YETI HAD A FIGHT…
I HOPE I’LL BE THE NEXT IN LINE
I’LL GET YOU
I’M A MYSTERY TO HIM!!
I’M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY
I’M NO HARDER THAN A SOFT MARSHMALLOW
THE INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY OF FISH
I WANT TO DISCO DANCE AROUND YOUR BRAIN
LAMINATED YETI
LAMPSHADE ESQ.
THE LAST LOVE LETTER
THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO FIGHT IS ME
LITTLE MISS LIMELIGHT STEALER
THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH
NEVER SAW IT COMING
NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING
NO GOING BACK
NOT AS LOVELY IN REAL LIFE
NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE
NOT THE MOST HONEST CAT IN THE WORLD
OLD BAG FOR LIFE
OUT OF WORK ACTORS
OWLS IN BRAS
PENTHOUSE SWEETHEART
THE PICK-POCKETING FOX
PSYCHOPATHIC POPPADOMS
ROBOTS AND WRONG’UNS
SARCASM VS SURREALISM
SNOW BUNNIES!!!
SO SORRY I’M LATE
SUBURBAN SUPERSTAR
THEY ALWAYS KNEW HE’D BE A VILLAIN
A WEENY BIT KEEN
WE NEED A LITTLE TALK
WHAT HAVE WE DONE?
YOU’RE PERFECT!!!
YOU GOT ME WHERE I AM TODAY!!
YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL
YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH…
YOU WON’T BE PRETTY, ONE DAY

More soon...

And so, to finish with, a very new poem...

It's called MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE... It came from hearing a song lyric about hearing a lie and wanting it to be true; it was only a very short phrase, but made me think it was worth turning into a poem in it's own right... In fact, I've tried to write the piece as a song, of sorts - it has verses, a chorus and even a middle eight!! As I say, it's a first draft and may change before it's published in bookform, but see what you think... Before anyone asks though, I have not been recently wronged in love and this is not a reaction to some tragic heartbreak - I just wrote it... That's all... Okay! Just thought I should set the matter straight before I get overrun with consoling Facebook messages. Everything is rosey in the garden of yeti... Thank you for your concern though...

Oh go read the poem! :)

Furry thoughts!!

Paul x

MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE
26/05/2009

Well, you say I'm your love…
That you don't want us to part…
But, you're keeping me waiting…
Slowly crushing my heart…
Well, I know that you're fibbing…
And I've learnt all your lies…
For I've heard them before…
And I've seen with my eyes…
You'll say one thing to me…
But then you go do another…
So how may lies still to come?
That you've kept undercover?

Why don't you make all your lies true?
Try and mean what you say...
Can't you ever be honest…
Should I leave? Should I stay?
Can't you make a decision?
About what you want us to do?
Can't you stand by your words, love?
Please, make all your lies true?

Well, you tell me you love me…
And you say that you're mine…
That there's nobody else…
That we're both doing fine…
But I know that you're lying…
'Cos I've seen you out dancing…
Yes, it's some other woman…
That you're busy enhancing…
Well, you say you still want me…
But this I do not believe…
There's only one thing you could do…
Which might earn you reprieve…

Can't you make all your lies true?
Do you want me or not?
You can't keep me just hanging...
Have you untied our knot?
Do you want me forever?
So, is there somebody new?
Your white lies are all bruised...
Why don't you make your lies true?

Well, you claim we're in love…
As, indeed, we once were…
How can you say you still love me?
When you're still seeing her?
Well, I know you're untruthful…
Because I've followed you round…
I have read all your emails…
I have heard every sound…
Every word that you've said -
Every letter you've sent her...
When she kisses your lips…
Leaves a trace of magenta…

Oh, the taste of betrayal is sweet and it's cloying…
You will not speak the truth, just a pattern of lies...
When she calls in the night it is more than annoying…
When you're telling me tales, no, you won't meet my eyes…

Won't you make your lies true?
Or do I just not deserve it?
If you don't want what we had -
What's the point to preserve it?
You want your cake and to eat it -
It's something I've always known...
You're real intent is deceit…
All those lies that were sown…
You won't say what you mean…
All the facts have been slurred…
We've been living a lie…
It's time that everyone heard…
It's time that everyone saw…
What I've been living through…
But no amount of me hoping…
Will ever make your lies true...

COPYRIGHT, PAUL CHANDLER / SHY YETI 2009.

Hi,

It won't be too long now before my next book of completely new poems is ready. I have over 60 new poems for the CAVEMAN LOGIC collection and am currently adding the finishing touches to the book and my proofreader, Dan has begun to make final corrections. Whilst away on holiday near Bury St Edmunds last week I wrote 3 new pieces and have completed a few more this week. These will be included in CAVEMAN LOGIC and title include: EDNA LOVELYSHOES, ROBOTS AND WRONG'UNS, I ALWAYS ASSUMED YOUR WERE GAY, THE INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY OF FISH, LAMPSHADE ESQ, THE CACTUS KID and the poem below, OUT OF WORK ACTORS which is about the curious world of actors - especially those who are unsuccessful at it. As an amateur thesp myself I have met quite a few actors over the years and some I've liked more than others; some can be very humble - whilst others - less so. :)

A first draft of new poem: THE CACTUS KID - taken in Ely on Friday 17th April 2009.

The photos below are from my holiday - and the pictures relate to the recent collection of my old work: SHY YETI RULES O.K., which is still available from me or from the www.lulu.com website.

As of this week I even have a potential title for the NEXT collection - but I'm not telling you that one next! Sorry! :)

Enjoy the new poem - more news of the final lineup of poems, next time.

Yeti hugs,

Paul x


OUT OF WORK ACTORS


Out of work actors –
They’re just taking a rest...
From those classical roles –
Where they're stupidly dressed...
They're just taking a break –
To spend more time with the cat...
Or to write up their memoirs –
Or some confessional tat...
Once an extra in Hamlet –
Somewhat muffled in armour...
Getting murdered to death –
In some serious drama!
But they're not doing it now –
'Cos the work ain't emerging...
So they sit with their memories –
Just quietly purging...
Yes, out of work actors –
All pursue their next part...
So, don't smirk if you see one...
'Cos they are missing their art!


Out of work actors –
Find it so hard to live...
So few roles for them now –
Yet they have so much to give...
Seems that no-one is casting –
They find it so tough to cope...
They would even consider –
A short stint in a soap!
Playing somebody's sister –
Just returned from the dead...
Or some serial killer –
Who’s not right in the head!
Some poor market stall holder -
Who has lost her deposit!
Or a rugged East-ender -
Who is still in the closet...
Oh, out of work actors -
Get no chance to be choosey...
They'd be proud to do panto...
Down in Bude or in Pewsey...


Out of work actors –
So many talents to list...
May appear quite upset...
Claim they’re just acting pissed...
When they chat to their agents –
It can be quite exacting...
When the Press say they're fab –
Can’t they see THEY are acting?
Put them on the front page –
Use their voice on an ad...
The union rep just went home –
Who's to say who's been had?
Off to Edinburgh soon –
Just to set out the chairs...
But it's still theatre work –
There's no need to split hairs!
Hey! Now out of work actor –
This is no time to slouch...
When the director is casting –
Time to hop on the couch!


Out of work actors –
Hope their big break is coming...
As they sit on the streets –
With their gui-tar just strumming!
They are channelling Larry –
Well, they think it's the norm...
Tele-marketing work –
Helps them learn to perform...
All those dreams of bright lights!
All that training in RADA...
Well, it's poor consolation –
When they’re empty of larder...
Reciting lines in their sleep –
Sipping gin from their shoes...
Could they be the new Gielgud?
Woody Allen's next muse!?
Those poor out of work actors...
What a shame - must be hard...
Entertaining their brats –
When you'd dreamt of the bard...

NEWS UPDATE: MORE OPEN-MIKE AND 2 NEW BOOKS DUE BY JULY!!!

I am in the process of typing the 50th poem of the next book: CAVEMAN LOGIC, which I expect to be ready by July this year. This particular poem is called I'M A MYSTERY TO HIM. It's not ready to post on here, but I intend to post a new poem at the end of this post. I am also putting together a more concise book on my poems from 1992 to current day called FURRY FAIRY TAILS which I aim to use as an introduction to my poetry and it includes poems that seem to have gone down well at gigs and open-mike nights, as well as some of my personal favourites and a couple as-yet unpublished poems. I expect this collection to be ready by early April, if all goes well - as I was taking photos for the front cover only yesterday and the project is nearly ready to go to Lulu.

In addition to new books I have provisionally announced 3 further writing events in 2009 - a book launch / pub crawl in July, another gig at the Poetry Cafe on Sunday 6th September and another book launch close to my birthday in November.

Not only that but on tuesday I returned to the Poetry Unplugged night at the Poetry Cafe and read three more poems; please read on and learn more...

POETRY UNPLUGGED - TUESDAY 17TH MARCH 2009

This was my first visit since early January due to being busy with my previous collection IF POEMS WERE PIES and with the 1st March gig. I was accompanied by my friend Maggie Hughes and read 3 poems just before the end of the first half. There were over 30 poets on the night and a good St Patrick’s Day time was had by all.

These were the poems that I read:

MICE TAP-DANCING
FROM: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009)

I choose this poem to start with, it’s one of my favourites from the last book and I thought it would be a good one to warm people up with. In my experience it takes a poem or so to warm people up to your specific style – especially in an open-mike night where they are all sorts of poems being read.

WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40)
FROM: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009)

One of my favourites from the last collection – this seemed to get people laughing and there were even a couple of gasps; it’s possible somebody had just swallowed the head of the person in front of them – but I’d like to think it was because people were enjoying the poem. Who knows… 

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
FROM: ROLLERCOASTER (2002)

This poem is a pretty old one, from my second collection – but it’s the one that people came up to me and said they most enjoyed at the gig on the 1st of March – so I was keen to read it again in front of the poetry fans at the open-mike night. Sure enough it also seemed to go down well on this occasion – which made me a very happy yeti! It’s always nerve-wracking trying to read well when you only have a 5 minute slot – but these poems seemed to fit that time just fine before the end of the first half!!

And to finish with here is one of the new poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC...

Enjoy!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul :) x

BACK WHEN THE INTERNET WAS YOUNG

OR: THE HISTORY OF THE INTERNET IN JUST FOUR VERSES…


Before the advent of the e-mail –
Before all the songs were sung!
The world was far more simple!
Back when the Internet was young!

Back when the Internet was young –
In the days of caves and flint!
In the days of dinosaurs –
Well, they could have made a mint!
Yes, they could have made a mint –
But not one with a hole…
Because the wheel was not around –
Nor was it round! How very droll!
Yes, they could have made a fortune!
If there’d been shopping on the net…
If dinosaurs had not been eaten –
And not just kept there as a pet…
Back when the Internet was young –
Well, there was no web-site dating!
In fact no-one loved at all…
All folk did was lots of hating…

Back when the Internet was young –
In Medieval times and such…
The net was worked by clockwork –
And no-one used it very much!
It was powered by a treadmill –
By an athletic troupe of mice…
And used by those in peril –
Or by those who sought advice!
Queen Liz the First she surfed it –
To obtain astounding quips!
Henry the 8th he also used it –
To gain new execution tips…
Back when the Internet was young –
No Online Poker Games to play…
There was no Amazon nor Facebook;
There was no Myspace and no e-bay!

Back when the Internet was young –
In the days of Sherlock Holmes…
Crimes were solved upon the net…
Despite the rationing of ohms!
Despite plagues and wars and fires –
Despite the art of body popping…
The Internet simply grew larger –
Even the Bard went online shopping!
In the early days of broadband –
The Magna Carta kept things slow…
Churchill played chess with Hitler –
When he won life came to blows!
Oh, when the Internet was young –
And the tube still ran on time…
The online world was nice and safe!
And there were no scams; no crime…

Back when the Internet was young –
In London Town throughout the Blitz!
Well, the Germans seized the net –
And they flooded it with tits…
Well, it’s never been the same since –
From the 50s through to punk –
But the web’s become polluted –
Folk have filled it full of junk…
Mrs Thatcher used to tease it –
Whilst Tony Blair just used to hunt it!
But the net’s now such a menace –
That no bugger will confront it!
Back when the Internet was young –
It fought a war against the pager…
Well, it was innocent back then –
But now it’s become a foul teenager!

Things will never be the same now –
By our petards we’re duly hung…
We’ve unleashed a giant monster!
The net revolution’s only just begun!!