Hi,Just some news about the final "track-listing" of my new collection of poems: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION. The titles below are the ones that are ready to go...
A LIFE TOGETHER…
ALL GIVE – NO TAKE…
BABIES LIKE MY FACE…
THE BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR…
THE BALLAD OF CAUSEY HILL…
A BEAR ALWAYS HAS AN ITCH…
BELLY BUTTON FLUFF TEA...
BREAKING UP IS HARDER...
CAR BOOT SALE LOVE…
CLOTH EARS…
A DAGGER IN YOUR BACK…
THE DAY THAT BEAR FELL OUT OF BED…
FASTER PUSSYCAT, PURR – PURR…
FLOOZY…
GONE TOO FAR…
GROOVE…
HER BETRAYER…
HIGH HEELS…
HUEY’S ON THE TOWN AGAIN…
I COULD HAVE ANYONE…
I DON’T MIND (I REALLY DON’T…)
I’VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE FOR YOU…
I KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE TOGETHER…
IN PUBLIC!!
IT’S A FAIR COP…
LITTLE PIG…
MAKING BADGES FOR BADGERS…
MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL…
MY MOMENT IS NOW…
OGRES ON ROLLERSKATES…
PEDRO THE HIGH-CLASS MOTH…
PERVERSE ON PURPOSE…
PIE CRIMES…
RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE…
SERENADING SHEEP…
SHE WORE A SEAGULL ON HER HEAD…
THE SOLEMN SALAMANDER…
SOMETHING IN MY COFFEE…
THE SONG OF ALENA AND I…
THE STAND-UP CHAMELEON…
SUPER YETI AND COSMIC BEAR…
TELL IT LIKE IT IS…
THEIR SPECIAL DAY…
THERE’S SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE (EVEN FOR YOU…)
THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE…
WEARING THE SHOE ‘TIL IT FITS…
WHY DON’T DRAGONS CLEAN THEIR TEETH…
YOU ARE THE NIGHTMARE THAT KEEPS OTHER NIGHTMARES AWAKE…
YOUR TINY PAW IS FROZEN…
YETI SPAGHETTI…
YOU’RE TOO YOUNG FOR ME…
YOU CRAMP MY STYLE…
X-RAY TED...
I'll be doing final re-writes next week and hopefully passing it under the nose of my expert proofreader, Mr Tom Crittenden before it goes to print and then hopefully it'll be ready by the start of May. I'm hoping to launch it properly around the start of June along with WOOED AWAKENINGS, WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS (my two repackaged books of relationshop poems from the first 8 collections) and also the next two Mouse of Commons books: THE FURTHER SQUEAKS OF GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS and GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY; which are currently in their final stages at the moment.
In addition to this I have my first proper go at performance poetry this Thursday. I shall be reporting more about this when I return. I have previously read on hospital radio and at two weddings, but this is the first time where I shall be reading continuously for almost an hour from a mixture of the two "WOOED" books and also some of my other favourites.
THE APRIL WORLD TOUR BEGINS AND ENDS IN DERBY!!!
Wish me luck and enjoy the new poem: X-RAY TED, for which I want to thank my fantabulous friend Tom Crittenden for allowing me to use his title. It's along the same lines as LITTLE BIG; but the story is different and it'll be the last poem in the new collection. :)
I'll be selecting the 4 photos for the 2 versions of the book that I'll be releasing; a paperback B&W edition and a colour hardback edition. The paperback and hardback versions will have different covers. :)
More soon!
Paul xx
X-RAY TED...
(02/04/2008)
X-ray Ted,
Can see it all...
X-ray Ted,
Belle of the ball...
His glasses on...
He'll try and cruise 'em -
Or if they're wicked...
He'll sure confuse 'em...
Sees through their lies -
And them 'n' all...
Quite literally!
He's got some gall...
X-ray Ted...
Gets down 'n' dirty...
X-ray Ted,
Is way too flirty...
Round him -
They all wear lead knickers...
He sits there drooling -
Eating Snickers...
He sees their pants...
It makes him moody!
All this anticipation -
Just makes him broody...
X-ray Ted...
He sees 'em dressing...
X-ray Ted!
Oh, how distressing!!.
Why can't he keep his eyes averted?
With age he just grows -
More perverted...
Where does he get -
This habit from?
Did he do a BTEC -
In Peeping Tom?
X-ray Ted...
He should know better...
X-ray Ted...
Receives a letter...
"Dear Ted, STOP -
Looking at me Mrs..."
It says; plus -
Several other disses...
But X-ray Ted won't -
Cease his staring...
He's watching closely...
How's he faring?
X-ray Ted...
Sad things occurring...
X-ray Ted...
His vision's blurring...
They clobbered him -
And smashed his glasses...
A pack of misfits -
From the middle classes...
Crushed his specs -
Oh, how unnerving!!
Now Ted can't do -
His daily perving...
X-ray Ted...
Not telepathic...
X-ray Ted...
His memory though is photographic...
He still peers around;
He don't need curing...
Out of focus life...
Still looks alluring!
He just sees a blob now...
But doesn't care...
'Cos in his head;
Still sees them ladies; bare...
X-ray Ted...
Is never sated...
What a mucky pup...
That chap is just so damn X-rated...
