Monday, December 23, 2019

A HANG-OVER FROM EPISODE 300...

A SCRIPT FROM AN ANNIVERSARY EPISODE!

Hello beasties!

This time on the blog we're looking beyond "the wedding of the year" in episode 300 - to episode 301 and beyond and we also have a script that was written for a specific part of our 300th episode... We have plenty of new episodes ready to go - I'm just not sure how many we'll be able to fit in before New Year! At least that means we have plenty lined up for January, February and maybe even later!

 Talking of podcasts, here are some episodes that have been released recently!


THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 301:

 THE ONE AFTER THE WEDDING OF THE YEAR!

 Here we are for episode 301! The Wedding Of The Year was problematic to say the very least - but what happened next!? Paul and the gang try to unpick the details despite all the confusion surrounding the events of the big day! Thank you to our special guests Toppie Smellie and Jay The Hauntcub for their help putting this edition together. Our next episode, #302 sees us heading out live onto Pride48 for the first of three live shows for December 2019! Do join us, won't you?! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti, Harry F and Luca. Sound effects by Paul Chandler and Soundbible. All content of this show are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2019. Episode 301 was recorded between the 26th September and the 15th December 2019, with some clips recorded during the episode 300 main recording session with Toppie Smellie on the 28th September 2019.

 This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

 301: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-301-the-one-after-the-wedding-of-the-year

 Next! It's the first of three live shows for December 2019! It's a busy one, as usual!

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 302:

 LIVE PRIDE48 SHOW - DECEMBER 2019

 Here we are for episode 302! This is the first of three live shows that we'll be doing in December - we're not being excessively Christmassy in this one as it comes so soon after the events of episode 300 and we're all still a little taken aback by what occurred there. We do interact quite a good deal with our friends in the chat-room - as well as catching up with Cromitty and Yeti Uncle John. All that and we embark on a wiki-wander and have a quiz! Our extra material for this episode are mostly clips and scenes that were recorded for episode 300 but which in the end were not used. Our next episode, #303 will be our Christmas Special for 2019! It'll be ever-so seasonal we promise you that! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Sound effects by Paul Chandler and Soundbible. All content of this edition is Copyright Paul Chandler. This episode was recorded live on Sunday 15th December 2019, with extra material recorded over the summer. An additional recording made on Tuesday 17th December was also added to this episode.

 This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

 302: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-302-live-pride48-show-december-2019

 Next up - we are celebrating Christmas with our annual festive edition of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST!


THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 303:

 SHY YETI'S EXTRA-SPECIAL FESTIVE SHINDIG - 2019!!

 Here we are for episode 303! Mr Yeti presents his extra-special festive shindig... It has to be said that Christmas is far from his favourite time  - but he does his very best, with help from the regulars - to share some Christmas memories. We also have some special guests - Harry and Nick among them and also a flashback to Christmas appearance on Radio Wey with Tim M from back in 2011. Our next episode, #304 sees us heading back out there live on Pride48 for our second of three live shows during December 2019; this time on Christmas Day itself! What ever will Paul and the gang get up to this year? Do join us, won't you?! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca - with carols provided by "The Ghosts Of Christmas Past". Sound effects by Paul Chandler and Soundbible. All content is Copyright Paul Chandler. This episode was recorded between the 20th November and the 23rd December 2019. We also have audio from a Shy Yeti On Location video recorded on Radio Wey on Saturday 3rd December 2011 and some "lost" / unused chatter from Toppie Smellie and Paul which was originally recorded for episode 300 in September 2019. Additional thanks to MAW Holmes @MAW_H and Jenny @bluebox99 for designing the logo for this episode used on the Soundcloud version of this show and online.

 This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

 303: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-303-shy-yetis-extra-special-festive-shindig-2019

Next time we'll be telling you about our Christmas Day show on Pride48... We'll be live on the stream at 7pm (GMT) / 2pm (EDT) - but the show will be released with extra material a day or two later!!



Don't forget to check out the scripted scenes from episode 300 - could you tell which were scripted and which ad-libbed!? Thanks again to Jay The Hauntcub for his performance.

Take care - more soon,

Yeti hugs,

 Paul (aka Shy Yeti) xx


SHY LIFE PODCAST SHOWS...

COMING SOON!!
December is here and we have lots of new episodes in the pipe-line! Our schedule list does tend to change every time I post, but right about now this is a pretty good guide to the episodes that we are hoping to release over the next few months; not to forget our monthly LIVE episode! Anyway - take a look at what else we have in store...

Here is our current schedule!

 304. Christmas Day 2019 - Live With Shy Yeti!

 Our live Christmas Day show on Pride48 - who knows what will occur!

 305. Shy Life Podcast Review For 2019! - Part 1 of 2

 Here we review the first 6 months of The Shy Life Podcast for 2019 - with special guests!

 306. Happy New Year 2020 - With Shy Yeti!

 Welcome in the New Year with The Shy Life Podcast - it's also a new decade of the show!

 307. Shy Life Podcast Review For 2019! - Part 2 of 2

 Here we review the second half of 2019 on The Shy Life Podcast - again, with special guests!

 308. Christmas And New Year 2019 Diary...

 Paul shares some of what he got up to during his Christmas And New Year break!

 309. The Shy Life (Poetry Collection) - 10th Anniversary show

 Paul heads out and about to celebrate the third of three 10 year poetry anniversaries during 2019.

 310. Shy Yeti Gets Back To Scotland!

 We join Paul and Calum as they head back to Dunbar for a few days. Nessie is having problems and seeks help with the podcast gang. Meanwhile Paul's management is keen that Paul should offer himself as Nessie's exclusive biographer; only Nessie really doesn't want to be interviewed as he has a very large secret! We also speak to Lisa and Trowby about some quite obscure "mythical" beasties.

 311. A Surprise Visitor!

 Mr Yeti receives a surprise visitor - and there is plenty of chatter!

 312. Ikk's Questions Round The Archives!

 Ikk has questions for the RTA gang - but will Yeti Uncle John's curiosity get the better of him!?

 313. Whatever Happened To Dusty The Scone-eating Dandelion?

 We head back a few months to the summer as Paul and company head to the Isle Of Wight in search of a long-lost friend called Dusty! It's also Calum's birthday!!

 314. Saying Goodbye To LOTSL...

 When one of their favourite podcasts calls it a day the gang worry about how Ikk will take the news!

 315. Shy Yeti And The Podfading Charity Event!

 Paul and Co. report back about things that have happened since the wedding! Mysteries deepen!

 316. Groove Is In The Love Shack!

 Nick and I discuss the big hits of 1990 on both sides of the pond!

 317. The Truth About Deeley Cat!

 When Ikk obtains some new equipment, Paul learns a shocking truth about Deeley's true identity!

 318. His Name Is Shy Yeti - But You Can Call Him Bob!

 Paul gets anxious about getting called by the wrong name in a coffee shop and the regulars chat!

 319. Charlie Grrr and The Pie With The Pastry Plumage!

 Charlie relates the tale of the pie with the pastry plumage... Not everyone is impressed!

 320. Dr Ikk Will See You Now!

 Bettina is in hospital - Yeti Uncle John visits Tallulah - and Ikk gets his tentacles out to help Paul!

 321. Harry The Fanboy And Other Entertaining Amusements!

 Harry talks to Paul about his love for a certain pop group and we also catch up with additional chat!

 322. Shy Yeti And The Bubble Of Time!

 An accident during one of Ikk's experiments leaves some of the cast trapped in a time-bubble! Yikes!

 323. A Catchy Tune... But It's Too Much Information!

 Harry asks Paul whether he'd help sing another song with him - but this time he calls in old friend Tallulah Twinklehorn to give him a few extra singing lessons!

 324. Shy Yeti Valentine's Day Edition For 2020!

 It's a tricky time of year and Mr Yeti is never certain quite how to celebrate it... well, here it is!!

 325. Hits Of The Jubilee Year!

 Nick and I discuss the big hits of 1977 as we approach the 1970s backwards... Weird, aye!?!

 326. Robot Big Fatty Update!

 We join Paul and the gang to see how the Big Fatty Robot is coping with life on The Shy Life little show...

 327. Keeping Mum...

 Nick and I share more interesting conversations with our mothers for Mother's Day - 22 March 2020!

 328. Shy Yeti And The Dancing Queen...

 Paul and Nick discuss the big hits of 1976 on both sides of the pond!

 329. Gordon The Crypt-keeper In Need!

 Gordon is back - but he has recently lost his job! Mr Yeti does his best to try and help him out...

 330. Ikk's Extra Super Special Day Out!

 Ikk fixes his space ship and offers to take the regulars on a trip - will Paul regret not going!?

### Additionally:

There will - most probably - be live shows every month; but we also have plenty of other episodes either in planning or partially recorded. 

 ### A Whole Lot Of Smellcast Goings On!

 Paul and Jay try to find a way to belatedly celebrate the 500th episodes and 10th anniversary of The Smellcast; but they're not sure quite HOW to do it!

 ### The Return Of Dameus The Interviewer

 Dameus interviews all manner of podcasting celebrities as part of his return to the chat-show circuit.

 ### The Will Of The People

 There is bad feeling in Shy Life Podcast-land when the "will of the people" threatens to cause trouble for the show!

 ### The Truth About The Shy Life Podcast!

 We look back at some of the scandal that has affected the little show over the years - the lives - the loves and maybe we'll even learn the truth about who pushed Zap down the stairs in episode 200!

 ### The New Caretaker / "Where's Me Booook!?"

 What with Yeti Uncle John often being up in space - Bettina gives Paul the details of a caretaker who used to work on her Estate... It seems like a good idea until it becomes evident that this gentleman swings from being extremely lazy to shovelling every last thing into a bin bag... What ever will happen when he reaches the basement and finds all the tat in Cromitty's laboratory; what will happen to all those priceless Sutton Park tapes? For that matter will Cuthbert make it through the night!?!

 ### Re-connecting With The Past

 Paul catches up with Cromitty and Martin and is excited to learn that Cuthbert has a few added advances that makes it possible to re-connect with the past via old episodes of SUTTON PARK... Ikk is slightly doubtful about it all - but he and Paul soon get to experience the process first-hand. Unfortunately his upgrade also unearths the control of a certain app that was once installed on him! 

 ### Bettina and the robot butler

 This episode sees Paul visiting Bettina only to find out that the house has recently become robotically automated; also Wifey Jo play a card game with Cuthbert.

 ### The Continuing Mystery Of Long Lost Cousin Algernon

 A number of episodes that involve Martin's investigation into Long Lost Cousin Algernon. What will he find?

 ### Gordon The Crypt-keeper In Need!

 Gordon is back - but he has recently lost his job! Mr Yeti does his best to try and help him out...

 ### Bits And Bobs and Bobs And Bits - Mk 2

 More clips from the archives and recent conversations that don't have a home!!

 ### Shy Yeti And The Shame Inspectors

 Shy Yeti gets more than he expects when he receives a visit from Isaac and Declan from That's A Shame podcast - they are constantly on the lookout for Shame sources - but this time they have Paul in their sights!

 ### Behind The Scenes - Fiction Within Fiction!

 Paul looks back at how he used to film Sutton Park behind the scenes on some of Nick's films - with clips from both Tide Of Freedom and Evil Trophy and the equally as dramatic Sutton Park episodes recorded during these productions. 

 ### Shy Yeti's Three Birthday Treats!

 Paul reflects on three treats that he had for his recent birthday - involving activities with Nick concerning Paul's manager, the usual silliness with Toppie and a trip away with Jay and Ikk; all these treats are quite unusual to say the very least... 

 ### Episode One Billion

 We look forward a year or two to see how things are going for The Shy Life Podcast as we hit episode One Billion. Things are a little more advanced - but all the gang are still on board!!

 ### The First Last Shy Life Podcast Episode

 This is the last episode of The Shy Life Podcast episode... or is it? 
(Recorded in July 2019 - but not scheduled for release, as yet)

 ### The Second Last Shy Life Podcast Episode

 This is our Second attempt at a last episode of The Shy Life Podcast... Might it be real this time!?


LINES FOR HAUNTY – EPISODE 300…

* Scene breakdown…

·         Haunty is a bit late and apologises to Paul
·         Haunty and Dameus
·         Bettina and Haunty – before and down the aisle
·         Haunty outraged
·         Haunty furious, but calmer afterwards
·         Haunty worried that Bettina won’t take his call


Haunty is late and apologises to Paul

Haunty:

Sorry yeti – apologies – I thought I was going to be late! I’m not, am I?

Paul:

No! No! It’s fine… What happened? Traffic problems, I heard...

Haunty:

Well, partly, yes... But I had some trouble with Aragog - you know - my eight-legged child...

Paul:

Yes... Yes... Of course! Were you needed to help with urgent home-work or something? Being a dad can be very tiring, can't it? At least that's what Deeley tells me - he has three of us to look after!

Haunty:

He's not wrong... No... Originally Aragog was going to be the ring-bearer...

Paul:

Blimey! That would have been pretty ambitious; original too though!

Haunty:

Yes... That's what I thought; but it was not to be...

Paul:

Ah! What changed the plans exactly?

Haunty:

Aragog refused to travel by anything other than private jet and I just couldn't afford it...

Paul:

Fair enough; although it's understandable - hopefully we'll meet another time!

Haunty:

I do hope so... Come and visit... You really must!

Paul:

I'd love to! Love to! Hey! Time's getting on - you ought to go and get ready...

Haunty:

Sure... Sure... Is there somewhere I can go to change?

Paul:

Yes... Yes... Just down there... The door is marked - Gentlemen's Waiting Area... You may bump into Dameus - he's just having 40 winks before the ceremony... Just be careful not to make him jump - you know how nervous he gets...

Haunty:

Oh! Oh, okay... Sure... Thanks, yeti - see you in a moment... This is exciting! I'm getting nervous!

Paul:

Ha! Me too!

Haunty and Dameus

Haunty is heading to get changed for the ceremony and he bumps into Dameus in the corridor...

Haunty:

Hi, listeners - it's me... Haunty... I'm in a bit of a hurry to get ready but I had to just pause to say hello more directly to you... Dameus is meant to be around here somewhere, but I've not bumped into him yet... I'll just make my miraculous change in here - I shouldn't bother him... Anyway, it's been quite a busy day travelling here by rollercoaster - you wouldn't believe the delays I've had... Anyway... I'm really glad that I've made it - this really is going to be the wedding of the year... (there is a noise outside) Oh! What's that? Sorry, listeners - I'm just going to have a look outside... Hello? (we hear the door creak open) Hello!? Who is that?

Dameus:

It is me... Mr Dameus Of The Twinklehorns...

Haunty:

Dameus! Ha! You're funny! How are you doing? Sorry I'm running late... I'm just getting changed right this minute...

Dameus:

Of course... You are Jay The Hauntcub...

Haunty:

Err... Yeah! And you're Dameus Twinklehorn... Are you okay? Paul said you were napping...

Dameus:

I am fine, thank you, yes... I must be going... I need to be getting wedded...

Haunty:

Oh yes... Of course... Well, I'll be there in a minute... (hurriedly) Sorry, listeners - got to dash... See you later! Wish me luck! I need to get my tie straightened and THEN I need to find Miss Bettina Du Pres! She's going to have a very busy and important afternoon ahead of her!

Bettina and Haunty – before and down the aisle

Bettina tells Haunty that she is nervous...

Bettina:

Darling! I'm so glad you're able to be at my side... I'm ridiculously nervous, you know!

Haunty:

Oh, no... Bettina... Don't be nervous... This is your special day... You've been looking forward to it for months...

Bettina:

Yes... This is true, Jay dear...

Haunty:

Do you want me to fetch Aunt Tappie - I'm slightly surprised that you didn't want one last word with her before... well... you know...

Bettina:

No! No! Don't bother her, dear - I told her to sit at the front with Toppie - she's still quite tired after the journey over...

Haunty:

I guess so... Yes... So what CAN I do to reassure you?

Bettina:

Oh, Jay - you are a sweetheart... I don't think you can do anything... I don't think you need to - just get me down that aisle with a smile on my face and your job will be done...

Haunty:

Well, of course I will - but... I hate to ask this, but you're not having second thoughts are you?

Bettina:

Second thoughts? No... Honestly! No... Not even third or fourth thoughts... It's just that... well... I'm sure this isn't news to you Jay, but it's not my first time down the aisle, if you see what I mean... I can't help but be just a little cynical about the whole event...

Haunty:

I suppose... But this is different, surely - you and Dameus - you're good together, aren't you?

Bettina:

Better than husband number one, most certainly... Ha! Oh... Dameus and I have had our disagreements, sure - mostly about money - but yes... you're right - we are good together...

Haunty:

Well, I'm glad to hear you say that...

Bettina:

Yes... Well, the only trouble is - I'm pretty sure that I said much the same before I married Husband Number One...

Haunty:

Hmm... But this was years back, right?

Bettina:

Yes... Centuries ago... I'm joking; although we were both very young... well, younger...

Haunty:

So who was he? You've never really mentioned him before; not to me, at least... Does Paul know more?

Bettina:

No... I've never spoken to Paul about him... Not even to Tappie... To be perfectly honest, I daren't even say his name - there might be a mirror in the room; did you ever see the movie, Candyman?

Haunty:

Of course, but I'm not convinced that saying your ex's name is suddenly going to conjure him up...

Bettina:

Perhaps not, dear... Still... This IS The Shy Life Podcast...

Haunty:

Hmm... Anyway, now is not the time to be bringing up the past, right - I get it...

Bettina:

I'll tell you all about him one day... He was an American... I can't keep away from your country - I just can't; there's just something irresistible about the men... (she laughs)

Haunty:

Oh! Paul's giving us a sign from the main hall... Are you ready to go?

Bettina:

Oh Jay - is this really about to happen!? Hold me! Just for a moment - I mustn't cry - I'll spoil my make-up!

Haunty:

Sweetie, don't - I'll spoil mine if you start!

Bettina:

Ha! You daft thing, you... Come on... Enough of this - let's go... Best foot forward!

Haunty: (in agreement)

Best foot forward! You look a million dollars...

Bettina:

One million and one dollars... (she does her familiar laugh)

Jay laughs too and they head off down the aisle...

Bettina: (at a whisper)

Wow... So many people...

Haunty:

Isn't there just!? I presume you did actually invite them all...

Bettina: (playful)

Darling! I thought they were all with you!

Haunty: (joking)

No! Not with me; are we even in the right building!?!

Bettina:

Ha! Silly... Shut up and keep walking...

Haunty: (with mock respect)

Yes, marm... Will do...


Haunty outraged

Haunty is outraged by what has just occurred...

Haunty:

Yeti! What the hell is going on here? I don't understand...

Paul:

We're really not sure, Jay - but believe me - we're trying to find out...

Haunty:

Well, what can I do? Look at Bettina... She's just sitting there - she's in a world of her own... Is it safe to move her to another room - a quieter space?

Paul:

Umm... Ikk? What do you think?

Ikk:

Yes, I think so, Paul! Jay The Hauntcub - please can you take her back to the dressing room whilst we try and work out what's gone on... I thank you...

Haunty:

Of course! I swear, when I find out who's done this to Bettina I'm going to slap him in the face with a wet kipper...

Paul:

Careful, Jay... Whoever it is might enjoy that!

Ikk:

It may even be a woman! We simply don't know!

Haunty:

But what the hell happened to Dameus!?!

Paul:

I'm not sure; that's what we intend to find out... Please Jay - if you could just get Bettina out of here...

Haunty:

Absolutely yes... Yeti... If you need me I'll be consoling a living legend in the back of an expensive limousine in a wind-swept car-park somewhere in the Surrey Hills...

Paul:

Err yes... Of course...

Ikk:

Golly! He has a way with words that Jay The Hauntcub! I never knew he was quite so passionate!

Paul:

Check out some of those old episodes of LOTSL - when he gets going; you'll be surprised...

(return to adlib scenes)

Haunty furious, but calmer afterwards

Haunty is furious - but time has passed and he is calmer...

Paul:

Ah! Jay! There you are...

Haunty:

Sorry yeti... I couldn't find the limousine - so we ended up back here in the dressing room... What's going on?

Paul:

Well... It's all pretty complicated - but we're beginning to make some sense of it... Actually - no, that's a lie - we're not making much sense of it at all... Where's Bettina?

Haunty:

Just powdering her nose - she'll be back in a minute... Is there any news of Dameus?

Paul:

No... Nothing... He appears to have left the building...

Haunty:

Was he EVER actually here? I mean - I saw what I thought was him in the corridor before the ceremony and he was acting oddly then... But now it looks like it might have been this other guy - the shape-changer, I suppose...

Paul:

I'm pretty sure Dameus was really at the very start when we first arrived - I spoke to him; he was our normal Dameus... Only somewhere along the way - possibly when he headed off to have his nap - well, the imposter took his place...

Haunty:

But who IS that guy?

Paul:

We've no idea yet... I'm sure we'll find out... The Police are taking him down the Station for questioning... He seems pretty confused himself...

Haunty:

Well, if he's an actor he could just be acting confused!

Paul:

Good point... Hmm... What's keeping Bettina? She's very quiet in there...

Haunty:

She is a bit... Let me go check! (he goes away) OH MY GOODNESS! YETI!

Paul:

What!? What's happened now?

Haunty:

She's just grabbed her handbag and her suitcase and she's shot off down the fire escape!

Paul:

She's done WHAT!?!

Haunty:

Look... There she is! In the distance! Do you see her! BETTINA! WAIT! There she goes - across the car park... Should I go after her?

Paul:

No... No... There's no point - don't you see - she has a taxi waiting... I guess she wants out of here and who can blame her?

Haunty:

I suppose so... Perhaps we should give her an hour or two and then call her mobile?

Paul:

Yes, maybe... How did she seem when you spoke with her?

Haunty:

She didn't say much at all - but I didn't really expect her to...

Paul:

But not so much as a tear? A smutty comment? She didn't even try and goose you? Nothing?

Haunty:

Nothing! But then she had just gone through a complete calamity...

Paul:

Yes... Yes... I suppose so... I wonder...

Haunty:

What yeti? What are you thinking?

Paul:

I'm not sure... I need to go and do something... I'll see you back in the main hall in ten minutes...

Haunty:

Okay... I'll be waiting, yeti...

Haunty worried that Bettina won’t take his call

Haunty had tried to call Bettina but got no reply...

Paul:

Ah! Jay! There you are...

Haunty:

What's going on? Has there been any news?

Paul:

No... Nothing yet, I'm afraid... What about you?

Haunty:

I don't know if it was too soon - but I tried to call Bettina...

Paul:

And? What happened?

Haunty:

Nothing... Nothing at all - it just went through to answer machine...

Paul:

Hmm... Much as I expected... I think we'll have to wait until she wants to contact us...

Haunty:

Do you think she's going to be okay? I really think she'd turn to Tappie?

Paul:

Oh... Goodness knows... Those two are great friends - but they can also be rivals, at times; they can compete... I'm not sure Tappie is exactly Dameus's biggest fan, so maybe Bettina doesn't feel like sharing with her; perhaps she will later... I think Bettina just panicked and wanted to get away - there probably wasn't a lot of thought in it...

Haunty:

Poor Bettina... She didn't deserve this - not any of it...

Haunty: (this is a message on her answer machine)

Bettina! This is me! Jay The Hauntcub! Are you okay? Please call us to let us know where you are - to let us know that you're alright! Everyone is worried about you... If you need Tappie to be there with you she'll be there - or me, I can come and find you... Please just get in contact... We're worried about you... Okay? We're here to help you...

Brief Scene For Another Episode

Cousin Algernon Speaking With Bettina In The Hospital


Bettina:

Algernon! Darling! How ARE you? It so wonderful of you to come to the hospital to help me out like this...

Algernon:

Bettina! Please - don't give it a second thought - it's my pleasure... I've told you before... Anything you need - you only have to ask...

Bettina:

Algernon... You're such a gentleman... Sometimes it's hard to even imagine that you're related to Paul; let alone that scallywag Yeti Uncle John - you have a class and style that simply eludes them...

Algernon:

Ah! Bless them... My long lost family! Of course I only vaguely even know them... (chuckles)

Bettina:

Aw! But they are your relatives - surely you want to get to know them better... And Paul - Shy Yeti - he has been in touch, I believe...

Algernon:

In passing, yes... Bettina, dear... I was teasing you; but I really don't know them very well - not yet, at least...

Bettina:

It seems incredible - but I suppose there are members of my own family who I would never even recognise should I happen to walk past them on the streets of Milan or Paris, say...

Algernon:

Paul and John are from very different parts of my family, of course - and then there is the distance...

Bettina:

Indeed... Still... You're here now... Had you arrived a moment or two later then you'd have met a couple of Paul's co-hosts - they were actually here - just popping in to say hello...

Algernon:

Ah! Yes... I did see two rather odd-looking fellows leaving as I arrived... One with very big hair and the other with a rather prominent nose...

Bettina:

Yes! Yes! That's them... I sent them on their way - I knew you were due to be arriving at any minute...

Algernon:

Of course, if you'd rather have gone home with them; I quite understand - we can call them back...

Bettina:

No! No! Not at all... I much prefer your company, Algie dear - as I said to you at the charity ball the other night... It's so nice to get some intelligent conversation that isn't all about hat stands, fruit bowls - or tea kettles!

Algernon:

My preferred range of conversation topics are somewhat broader than that... Well now! I haven't even asked; are you feeling better - when are they going to discharge you?

Bettina:

Imminently, darling! Turns out it was all a fuss about nothing! The x-rays confirm it! Just a bad sprain!

Algernon:

I'm glad to hear it! What WERE you doing up a ladder in the loft anyway!

Bettina:

Oh! It's a long story, darling... I'll tell you in the taxi on the way to Rules Restaurant...

Algernon:

Ah... It really is true what they say about you - you really do love to live in utter luxury...

Bettina:

Ha! My treat, Algie dear...

Algernon:

Oh! In THAT case... Bettina - it sounds terrific, but you really don't have to...

Bettina:

Oh, but I do... I need cheering up...

Algernon:

Well, if you say so... Who am I to argue? I hear that Rules Restaurant is absolutely marvellous...

Bettina:

Oh! It is, Algie... It really is! Ah... Here comes the doctor now... Just you watch me sweet talk him - he'll be signing the discharge papers quicker than you'll even have time to call for a taxi...

Algernon:

Ha! I don't doubt it for a moment... Let me just go and make that call...

Bettina:

Excellent! Doctor! How wonderful to see me... Don't worry... I won't charge you for my time... Now then... When do I get to leave your quaint little hospital... My dinner date for the evening is here to whisk me away - I'm sure you'll remember from experience quite how much I hate to let down my admirers...

(she laughs and the scene fades down)

Completed: 18/10/2019

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2019
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