HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Greetings readers!

Just a quick post to start the year as it's been a pretty busy week here in Yeti Towers...

But first, what is this curious drawing that you have attached at the top of this post, you may ask? Well, I can answer you there... It's another of Pete Katsiaounis's drawing from FUNERAL FOR A SHOE - which is still available in hardback and paperback from http://www.lulu.com/

FUNERAL FOR A SHOE is the latest collection from Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti) and includes the poems LOVE-GO-ROUND, PSYCHOPATHS STILL HAVE FEELINGS, YOUR FINAL GIRL and the short stories DONE AND DUSTED, REST IN PEACE, PET and SUMMER SKIES. There are almost 100 pieces in this volume; a novella ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL FOR A SHOE and two playlets: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS and SCEPTIC.

Paperback edition. Price: £9.99, Pages: 352, Photos: Black and White, Published: November 2011, Includes especially commissioned illustrations by Pete Katsiaounis.

Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/funeral-for-a-shoe/18669080

There is also an edition available in hardback which costs £16.99 and can be accessed at this link: http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/funeral-for-a-shoe/18670400

Returning to the subject of the artwork, there were 5 drawings done back in the autumn to accompany the five linking stories in FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. Pete has also been working on some new yeti logos and drawings, as you may remember from my last post. I'm keeping the rest of those under my hat for a little while longer! Needless to say they are extremely awesome.

Don't forget, you can read more about Pete and his artwork at: www.inkandmanners.com/

Anyway now... Onwards! Next up I have two links for you...

Part 1 of SHY YETI'S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 is now also available on Vimeo at: http://vimeo.com/34506604

...And Part 2 has just gone up on Youtube at: http://youtu.be/K1Ri_HVtITc

Here's a bit more information on the new episode...

Welcome to Shy Yeti's mini European Tour 2011... This is the second of a two part adventure in the mystic realms of the sublime and supernatural... oh, okay... it was actually just filmed in Europe in late October 2011. This episode carries on from where the previous part left us, in Bruges - and before I continue I can confirm that there is indeed a yeti dance! Poems include READY, TEDDY, GO and THE EUROVISION HERO from the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD which were recorded during the trip - topped up with a performance of I BELIEVE (another JUNK/FOOD veteran) from my November 2011 Poetry Cafe show. There is also a 100-word story called GRANDPA'S WIG. This episode also includes a small preview of future episode filmed back in Hollywood during Autumn 2011. Camera: Paul Chandler and Calum Williamson (who makes a couple of cameos in the episode too!) Music: Luca. This film and its contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2012. More soon!

This post I can also reveal which videos posted in 2011 did the best, obviously some were up for longer - but the results weren't as clear cut as that in the end! See them at the end of the message. Thanks to everyone who regularly watches the videos - it looks like mixing poems with 100-word stories works well in this format; so I'll keep on making them that way. There are plenty more episodes to come, I promise!

Next week I'll be discussing more about what you can expect from me in 2012 - and to announce my next gig at The Poetry Cafe in March; not to mention re-issues of old books and the next original collection in the pipeline.

Have fun, enjoy the videos and more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


HIGHEST RATED NEW SHY YETI VIDEOS OF 2011

AS OF 1ST OF JAN 2012

1st A YETI IN WINTER = 151 views (11th overall)
2nd TOO LATE – A SHORT STORY= 120 views (19th)
3rd A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 4 = 88 views (26th)
4th A PERFECT MATCH = 81 views (28th)
=5th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 1 = 72 views (=30th)
=5th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 3 = 72 views (=30th)
7th YETI DANCE A-GO-GO… = 71 views (33rd)
8th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 2 = 67 views (35th)
=9th A YETI IN PARIS = 64 views (=36th)
=9th SHY YETI LIVE – 02/04/2011 = 64 views (=36th)
11th A YETI ON RADIO WEY = 63 views (=39th)
12th AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 56 views (44th)
13th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 3 = 55 views (45th)
14th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 2 = 54 views (46th)
15th SHY YETI BACK AT THE COBALT CAFE = 53 views (47th)
16th ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 52 views (48th)
17th A YETI IN PARIS – PART 2 = 51 views (49th)
18th SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PT 1 = 50 views (50th)
19th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 1 = 48 views (=51st)
20th SOMETHING TO CHEW ON – A STORY= 40 views (54th)
21st SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PT 2 = 35 views (=57th)
22nd JUNK/FOOD GIG 1 = 34 views (61st)
23rd A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS – A POEM = 32 views (62nd)
24th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 4 = 28 views (64th)
25th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 5 = 25 views (=67th)
26th SHY YETI’S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 – PART 1 = 21 views (=74th)

FUNERAL FOR A SHOE IS LAUNCHED - GIG THIS FRIDAY!

Hello!

Yes... I'm back safely from my L.A. trip... As you may or may not recall I did a post last week about what I got up to during that trip; although there was one last filming session before I flew home. As I didn't fly out until Saturday evening there was time for Dominic and I to pop to Griffith Park for one last trip and it turned out to be one of my favourite visits.

I had read on the internet that there was an area of Griffith Park where they had filmed the entrance to the bat cave for the 1960s version of TVs Batman; it had also been used for a number of other films and finding myself with a bit of time I decided that it would be the ideal location to head for. As it happened it was very close to the CAMP HOLLYWOOD car park where we'd walked back in the summer - on the day that I had taken photos of the cactus heart which inspired my poem of the same name. It wasn't hard to find the batcave - just taking the only other track in that area gently uphill overlooking a small park where I did a little yeti dance back in August and also took the much used photo of me camping it up in front of a sign that reads "CAUTION RATTLESNAKES!"... (This photo appears on the new cover for WOOED AWAKENINGS that appeared in last week's blog!)



Anyway - on the way up to the bat cave I finished reading a poem that I'd begun the afternoon before back in Topanga Canyon and I also decided to read a short story that I'd written just that morning which is entitled A YETI HISTORY LESSON OF HOLLYWOOD. The batcave location was so good and I got so much footage filmed, including out-takes, yeti dances and comments about the cave belonging to yeti that I decided that there would be enough footage to make a special episode separate from my YETI HUNT USA series. Knowing that I probably won't return to L.A. for a while I thought it might be nice to keep this episode until the Spring when I can realise it nearer the time that my ARE WE THERE, YETI!?! book is complete. There were quite a lot of mistakes during the reading of the story, as I was working from a hand-written first draft - although I think that managing to fluff lines up so much probably makes for a more amusing and watchable episode all in all. Anyway... So this episode won't appear for a while yet - but it's nice to think that they'll be a nice Hollywood episode for 2012 as ARE WE THERE, YETI!?! is such a U.S. based collection.

Moving on I am very pleased to announce that FUNERAL FOR A SHOE is now available to buy from Lulu.com... Let me tell you some more and give you a few links just in case you'd like to purchase a copy!

FUNERAL FOR A SHOE is the latest collection from Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti) and includes the poems LOVE-GO-ROUND, PSYCHOPATHS STILL HAVE FEELINGS, YOUR FINAL GIRL and the short stories DONE AND DUSTED, REST IN PEACE, PET and SUMMER SKIES. There are almost 100 pieces in this volume; a novella ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL FOR A SHOE and two playlets: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS and SCEPTIC.

Paperback edition. Price: £9.99, Pages: 352, Photos: Black and White, Published: November 2011, Includes especially commissioned illustrations by Pete Katsiaounis.

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/funeral-for-a-shoe/18669080

There is also an edition available in hardback which costs £16.99 and can be accessed at this link:

http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/funeral-for-a-shoe/18670400

FUNERAL FOR A SHOE is made up of almost 100 pieces - poems, scripts, short stories - allsorts really! That said, this book is a lot more about prose - ranging from short stories on just one page to longer pieces; there are a good dozen or so poems, however - so never fear! The book also includes the usual behind the scenes information on each piece as well as links to films and goodness knows what else! There's even a diary taken from blog entries during the time covered by the writing of the collection. Anyway - back to the actual poetry/prose... Some of the titles you may be familiar with from my Youtube/Vimeo videos - such as THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS, DEATH OF A GIRL BAND, A PERFECT MATCH, LOVE-GO-ROUND, or "MOTHER, MEET PARIS..." - but most will be completely new to you. I won't list the titles again as I did so in a previous post, which you can check out at: http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2011_08_28_archive.html So there!! ;)




















Lastly, before I go I would just like to mention that my 10th anniversary JUNK/FOOD show takes place this Friday... (Very soon!) I have all my readings selected and prepared and am very excited to be able to confirm that the excellent John Smallshaw will be reading too on the night... Eagle-eyed readers may remember that John also joined me during my AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI AND OTHER ANIMALS show back in the Summer. Well, he's back and it sounds like he has a good deal of interesting new material to share with us!

If you weren't there in June at the show and haven't had a chance to watch the videos from the night on youtube or vimeo... (Quite frankly, why not!? Go do so now... They've been up since June, you lazy, lazy X-Factor time-wasting people! Ahem... Sorry, I had a moment there! Who said that!?!) Where was I!? Oh yes, if you weren't there at the show and you haven't seen the videos then you can read more about John on his website...

http://johnsmallshaw.com/

As mentioned before you can also watch him perform on two of my poetry videos from earlier in the year...

AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI AND OTHER ANIMALS

Youtube: http://youtu.be/elRJeAeKEA8
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25376522

There's also a video called ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI AND OTHER ANIMALS which John also appears in and which you can find on either of my profiles - but you'll come across that when you click on the previous link, no doubt... Oh... Here it is; go on... Don't say I'm not nice to you! ;)

Youtube:  http://youtu.be/j_P-VKNeUtA

Anyway - that's quite enough about the show, except to say that kick off is 7.30 at The Poetry Cafe on Friday 18th November!! Next week's post will be all about the evening, so they'll be a lot more about the evening then...

There's lots more happening before the end of the year - I'll be writing about upcoming episodes of YETI HUNT USA, maybe posting one or two pieces from FUNERAL FOR A SHOE and I'll also be back on Radio Wey at the start of December!

So lots more to come in 2011!

Here's hoping to see some of you at the Poetry Cafe show on Friday! :)

Yeti hugs,

Paul x

All contents of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011. Thanks to Dominic McCauley for taking many of the photos during the trip.

COMING UP IN OCTOBER 2011...

1) Finishing touches to FUNERAL FOR A SHOE

Well, I'm pretty much all done for this collection now - but just awaiting the crowning glory; some illustrations that have been especially commission for the book. It depends how quickly those are completed as to whether I realise it in November when the JUNK/FOOD 10th anniversary book is launched or whether I leave it until January next year; but either way I intend to read a few of the pieces at my JUNK/FOOD show on Friday 18th November.

2) Hospital Radio

At time of writing I'm due back on Radio Wey a week tomorrow... Hopefully I'll get a chance to read some of my newer poems and some of my 100 word tales; although I'll have to make sure I don't scare people! Well, not too much, anyway...

3) Posting of next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video...

I've been having a lot fo problems with my editing of late. There was a hiccup back in May when I was editing the first episode of A YETI IN PARIS, but the troubles that I've been having with my A YETI ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT video (now currently entitled ISLE OF YETI) has far exceeded that! The first edit was corrupted and so I decided this week to work on three "nuggets"-sized episodes, rather than one ten minute episode. These three videos would be roughly the length of your typical pop video. Otherwise it's the same. Each "nugget" would either have a poem or a short story, views of where I travelled and also silliness; whether that be waffle from me or a yeti dance! Unfortuantely I've had trouble editing these two - with only one successfully complete - part 2 of all things; so I can't even post it! At time of writing I have decided to return to the original format by doing a slightly shorter episode (maybe 8 or 9 minutes) with the minimal of special-effects, music, extra footage and will see what happens. It's looking a bit more positive... Hopefully I'll have something to post by this time next week!

4) Filming in Lille and Brugge

I'm off to Lille towards the end of the month for a weekend; there should be enough time for a visit to Brugge too. So hopefully I will return with some footage from both cities that I can release as a full length or "nugget" style episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION. More information on that nearer the time!

5) Work continues of ARE WE THERE, YETI!? and Mouse books - not to mention re-issue of ROLLERCOASTER...

I've already typed more than 50 pieces for the ARE WE THERE, YETI!? book - and there are more that need typing. I am also currently proofing TALES FROM THE MCWHISKERS ARCHIVES, which will be my Mouse book for 2012; not to mention working on the sequel to this year's GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM. I'm up to Chapter 3, but don't expect this one to be ready until 2013. Other than that I'm also working on the re-issues of ROLLERCOASTER, THIRD TIME LUCKY and GO 4TH AND DIVIDE - my 2nd, 3rd and 4th poetry collections, for their tenth anniversary editions. All this and also I've written 4 of the 8 scripts for the first season of my BEAST OF FRIENDS series; the first episode of which is featured in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. I hope to make this project available as a stand-alone book at some stage during 2012.

6) Publishing JUNK/FOOD

The tenth anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD is now pretty much ready to go and should be available from Monday 31st October 2011. It is 96 pages long and contains a lot of new content and is available for the more-than-reasonable price of £5.99.

To finish off with I am posting something from my next collection FUNERAL FOR A SHOE... This time I have chosen a piece called STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM; which is all about how it sometimes better to be a little more chunky in shape!

I hope you enjoy it; there will be more soon!

Yeti hugs - take care...

Paul xx

STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM



On that fateful afternoon the Summer storm suddenly grew into a tornado – for the first time in my life I was glad of my stout legs. I’d spent all Spring staring at them sadly in the mirror and wishing that they were different; dreaming about how nice it would be to have the long, slim legs of a catwalk model – or professional tennis player. In reality I have the tree trunk thighs and bandy ankles of a woolly mammoth – grizzly bear or diplodocus... All I wanted was what I considered to be nice legs – legs that I could show off; that I could parade around town displayed in brightly coloured shorts; maybe with some kind of tan.

But then the storm came and – boy, did it come... All the skinny ladies and the fitness obsessed gentlemen with the good legs were rendered useless in such an emergency; six-packs, salon-fresh hair and botox smiles couldn’t save them. There I sat – immovable – just watching as their legs snapped like brittle twigs; broken in two by the tornado – as they battled in vain against the winds. Their legs simply couldn’t hold them and they blew away across the trees like feathers and were very quickly gone – no doubt their remains were later eaten by sturdy legged rats once they emerged from their safe havens underground...

My legs, however, stood firm and not only that – my belly also helped too and ensured that I was not sucked from my home and out through the front door...

I remained safe – I would not budge – not even a tornado could make me...

Since that dreadful summer storm it is just us flabby-arsed fatties that are left...

But how thankful I am now for my chunky, hunky, big, stout life-saving legs...

There really was nothing wrong with them after all…


STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM appears in Paul Chandler's new collection FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, due out in late 2011, early 2012. Date to be confirmed. Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

A NEW COVER, SOME NEWS AND YETI RATINGS!!

Hi,

First up; what do you think of the cover? It's near enough what I'm hoping will be the front cover of FUNERAL FOR A SHOE... I am currently very busy with the final proofing work of this book and in my next post I may well tell you about the illustrator that I've been working with during this project... But it's all rather top secret at the moment! Anyway, enough about that for now...
Next I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news...

I was hoping to launch A YETI ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT this week - which contains a poem and two stories from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection; but unfortunately the project has become corrupted and I'm going to have to start again next week. Never fear! The footage still exists and is fine - it was just the copy that I was working on, editing etc. that has the problems. I also have a the first few episode of YETI HUNT U.S.A. to edit, a VAMPIRE COWS special and another episode of bits and pieces to work on over the Winter. All this and possibly futher episodes from the States - and two European cities!! I really do need to get my editing skates on... No more glitches please, Windows Movies Maker - or else!!

Anyway - onto other things! I've not done an update on my Youtube and Vimeo films for a while; it's probably only of interest to me, but here we go...

I'm glad to say that since I last studied the ratings back in mid-May the ratings on Vimeo have been improving! This is very good to learn; because love them or hate them they do take me a very long time to put together and of late I've been having trouble with the software - so they're taking even longer! SUTTON PARK continues to do well with all 7 completed episodes in the Top 20. There will be more episodes soon - a number are already in the can and it's the 20th anniversary coming up next year! The Hollywood episodes are suddenly starting to make a dent in the top 20 - as are some of my earlier episodes that have been around for over 18 months now. It's also pleasing to see one or two of this year's films already in the Top 20.

Oh boy, you can tell I still check the UK Top 40 every Sunday, can't you?

Anyway... Go on! Make a yeti very happy and watch a couple of my films that you've never watched! Watch them all and I'll take you out for a coffee and a danish pastry! :)

Enjoy!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

RATINGS FROM YETI VIDEOS – AS OF 15/09/2011



1st SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 1 = 387 views
2nd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 3 = 203 views
3rd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 2 = 199 views
4th SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET = 185 views
5th BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR = 169 views
6th SHY YETI GOES TO HOLLYWOOD = 166 views
7th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 4 = 151 views
=8th SHY YETI'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL = 139 views
=8th UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE = 139 views
10th I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES... = 133 views
11th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 1 = 131 views
12th OUT AND ABOUT WITH SHY YETI = 128 views
=13th A YETI IN WINTER = 126 views
=13th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION = 126 views
=15th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 6 = 119 views
=15th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 7 = 119 views
17th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 = 114 views
18th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 5 = 113 views
19th SHY YETI AT THE COBALT CAFÉ = 109 views
20th SHY'S SNOW SPECTACULAR = 107 views
21st SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET (OUT-TAKES) = 98 views
22nd SHY YETI TALKS = 97 views
23rd YETI SPAGHETTI = 96 views
24th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 (2) = 89 views
25th SHY YETI OUT IN THE COUNTRY = 78 views
26th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 4 = 74 views
27th A PERFECT MATCH = 72 views
28th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE = 70 views
29th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 2 = 69 views
=30th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 3 = 67 views
=30th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION (OUT-TAKES) = 67 views
32nd LITTLE PIG = 63 views
33rd YETI SPAGHETTI (OUT-TAKES) = 62 views
=34th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 2 = 61 views
=34th SUTTON PARK – PART 8 (1 OF 2) = 61 views
=36th MY MOMENT IS NOW = 58 views
=36th PICCADILLY CIRCUS = 58 views
38th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 1 = 54 views
39th SHY YETI LIVE – 02/04/2011 = 53 views
40th A YETI IN PARIS = 50 views
41st THEY WARNED ME... = 47 views
42nd AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI – AND OTHER ANIMALS = 42 views
43rd ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 38 views
44th MY DOG IN A DRESS = 37 views
45th THINGS AIN'T... = 34 views
=46th A YETI IN PARIS – PART 2 = 33 views
=46th SHY YETI BACK AT THE COBALT CAFE = 33 views
=46th SHY YETI LIVE - 18/11/2008 = 33 views
49th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 1 = 32 views
=50th THE TRUE LIGHT = 29 views
=50th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE CHRISTMAS – PART 2 = 29 views
52nd CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND = 28 views
53rd GOOD HUG = 25 views
54th DAREDEVIL = 24 views
55th THE SORRY TALE... = 23 views
=56th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 3 = 22 views
=56th RECKLESSLY = 22 views
=58th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE CHRISTMAS – PART 1 = 21 views
=58th A VOICE IN HIS HEAD = 21 views
=60th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – LIVE REVIVED = 19 views
=60th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 2 = 19 views

Please note: All videos can be found on my SHYYETI Vimeo profile and all videos from 2010 onwards on my MRSHYYETI Youtube profile.

A PREVIEW OF 2012... ARE WE THERE, YETI?

Hello,

How are you? Feeling poetic? I do hope so!

I was hoping to be announcing that my next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video would be ready this week, but it looks as if it will be delayed until next week now! I can promise you it's nearly done - it's just that I had the bright idea of adding a quick trailer for the USA series - due soon - and, of course, that has taken some time to put together! I'm away this weekend - but once I'm back I promise to get it done.

What I can announce, however - is that not only have I put some more poems on my Soundcloud site, but I have also started a TUMBLR account. It's all new to me - and I'm not sure what it can provide that isn't already provided by this blog or by FACEBOOK and TWITTER; but I'll give it a go.

If you want to check it out then the link is: http://shyyeti.tumblr.com/

Finally today - I want to share with you a new poem that I wrote this week in response to the chucklesome yeti poem that my friend and poetic colleague, John Smallshaw wrote in my honour this week. Well, I was honoured, indeed! John is a man who, like me - like to rhyme and so my response is a piece called JOHN, I'M ONLY RHYMING - a cheeky rewording of the old David Bowie track. I've covered this ground before briefly in my piece THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A. from my VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE book earlier this year - but this has allowed me to write on this subject a little more. It's really just a little grumble about how rhyming poetry seems to be frowned on in some quarters - usually within the poetry or academic community; whereas "the man on the street" still seems to appreciate it. Surely there is room for rhyme and free-verse!?! I don't see the problem myself. It just smacks of snobbery - but I have met that reaction over the years.

Anyway - this piece is too new to appear in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection that I hope to complete by the end of the year and instead will be included in 2012s ARE WE THERE, YETI? As for this collection I can confirm that I have already written almost 50 pieces for this book - a mixture of short stories, poetry, vignettes and one or two pieces rescued from the Yeti archive. I also have some exciting news about some artwork that I have commissioned for both books - the results are brilliant; but I'm not saying any more for the moment!!

Anyway - enjoy the new poem and check out John Smallshaw's work on: http://www.johnsmallshaw.com/

Bye for now!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

JOHN, I’M ONLY RHYMING…



John, I’m only rhyming;
I can hear some people tut…
They don’t want our twisted lyrics!
I think they’re going off their nut!
Why do they have to be so boring?
Who says it’s them that sets the rules?
It’s like they’re our poetry headmasters –
And we’re enrolled within their schools!
I’m not averse to ditching rhythms –
If what I’m writing doesn’t fit…
They’re all so stuck in their own ways –
I think they must have shares in Pritt!
Oh, John – I’m only rhyming…
And now I don’t mean to impose –
But ain’t it best to be free-thinking?
And just write down whatever flows?


John, I’m only rhyming!
Well, I see it as a gift!
Whilst some other people grumble –
I really think they’re pretty miffed!
I cannot fathom why they worry –
Why they make their weak protest!
Do they really think they’re better?
Do they really think they’re blessed?
That’s the sort of attitude that makes –
Folk think we’re high and mighty!
We want them reading us at breakfast –
Over croissants in their nighties!
Oh John – I’m only rhyming…
Yes, we should start our own campaign!
Let us STAND UP for the rhymers!
We’re really gotta make it plain!


John, I’m only rhyming!
Am I not a proper poet?
Do I have to be pretentious?
Have I failed? Heck! Did I blow it?
Do I really have to mean it?
Do I need to get more tougher?
Do I have to fight the good fight?
Do I really have to suffer?
Yes, the most eccentric stanzas –
Into poems should be smuggled!
I simply want to play with words;
The English language should be juggled!
Oh, John – I’m only rhyming!
Don’t you agree – it’s quite beguiling!
I only want to make ‘em chuckle –
I simply want to keep folk smiling!


John, I’m only rhyming…
And it’s what I’ll keep on doing!
Oh, let the academics scowl –
Oh, let them say we’ve gone to ruin!
Yes, let them claim we’re an abhorrence –
Let them give us a bad name…
Why would we ever want be like them?
Why would we want to be the same?
They’re like the bullies in the schoolyard;
Well, let them bugger off – go hang!
And we will do just as we please;
Yes, form some crazy rhymers gang!
Oh John – I’m only rhyming…
Let’s flaunt our lyrical defiance!
And keep on doing as we do –
You know, it’s hardly rocket science!

JOHN, I'M ONLY RHYMING is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011 and will eventually appear in Paul's Summer 2012 collection ARE WE THERE, YETI? published by Beeches Books on http://www.lulu.com/

EXCITEMENT AND MAYHEM AT A FUNERAL FOR A SHOE...

Hello!

There's quite a lot going on at the moment; I've been busily writing short stories and poems for my next-NEXT book ARE WE THERE, YETI?, whilst putting the finishing touches to my official next collection: FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. I'm not quite sure when FUNERAL will be out - either late this year or I may hold it back until January 2012; especially as the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD is due in November. I've also been busy working on new SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos - the first of which, set in the Isle of Wight, should be posted next week. Then I'll move onto the series I filmed in the States back in late July and early August.

Anyway - the main reason for this post is to list all the titles that will be included in FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. I promise to post one or two more pieces from it over the next month or so - once the VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE "campaign" is officially finished... I still have a video to edit which is all about that book! Eeeek Returning to FUNERAL I can reveal exclusively that there are far more prose pieces and stories in this book than poems. Oh yes, indeed! So, here are the titles...

ADOLESCENT CATS
ALL GONE
ALTERNATIVE ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLE
AN ACTOR’S LIFE
ANIMATING THE INANIMATE
ANOTHER ICON BITES THE DUST
AUNTIE ASTRID’S ANGST ARENA
BAD LUCK, SCARY!
THE BEAST OF FRIENDS...
BRAINS!!!
THE BUSKER
CATTY...
CLINGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE
COMING OUT…
A DANGEROUS CRAVING FOR INNOCENCE
DEATH OF A GIRL BAND
DODGING THE ASSASSIN’S BULLET
A DOG’S LIFE ON PRIMROSE HILL
DONE AND DUSTED
ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL FOR A SHOE – PART 1 to 5
THE END OF THE QUEUE
EXCHANGE TRIP
THE FACE
FLIRTING WITH A COPYCAT
FREE COFFEE
FROM ARGUMENT TO ORNAMENT
GOING OUT WITH A BANG!!!
A GOOD MURDER NEEDS PREPARATION
HAIR-RAISER!!!
HAPPY FOR THEM
HELL TOUPEE
HOT (FOR JUST ONE NIGHT)
THE HUNTRESS
I’M A STOOGE FOR YOUR LOVE
THE IMPOSTER
THE INEFFECTUAL ASSASSIN
INTERNATIONAL SQUID RESCUE
KARMA
KEEP IN TOUCH!
LOST INSIDE
LOVE-GO-ROUND
MARIA AND THE CAFÉ GIRLS...
MEMORY LOSS
THE MIND OF A CAT
A MOST BORING MAN
“MOTHER, MEET PARIS…”
MORE FROM AUNTIE ASTRID
MY HOT DATE WITH A GOOD BOOK
MY LAST WORDS
MY OWN COMPANY
A NEEDY VICTIM
THE NEW LION
NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE
ON THE COVER OF A (MUCKY) MAGAZINE
THE OPTICIAN’S DAUGHTER
PART OF THE FURNITURE
PAWS FOR THOUGHT
PEACE OF MIND IN A TEA BAG
A PERFECT MATCH
pSYCHOKILLERS sTILL hAVE fEELINGS
A QUESTION OF EYELASHES
A REFORMED CHARACTER
REST IN PEACE, PET
SCEPTIC
SEVEN TWENTY A.M., HUNGOVER
THE SMELL OF WET DOG ON THE BUS
A SOUVENIR OF THE TRIP
A SPECIAL KIND OF FAME
A SPIDER SPIED HER
A STAND AGAINST WORLD HUNGER
STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM
“SUCH A GOOD BOY...”
SUMMER SKIES
THEIR PAIN – MY PLEASURE
THEM VAMPIRES – SUCH CHARMERS…
“TICKETS PLEASE!”
TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS...
TWENTY FIVE YEARS LATER...
UNEARTHING THE PAST
WHY DO CUCKOOS SPIT?
WHY DO SPACEMEN ALL HAVE SUCH STUPID NAMES?
YOU CANNOT MAKE PARIS LOOK BORING
YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING
YOUR FINAL GIRL

Some of the pieces such as DEATH OF A GIRLBAND, FREE COFFEE, A PERFECT MATCH, "MOTHER MEET PARIS..." and LOVE-GO-ROUND have already made their debuts, either at shows or in my videos - or both.

That's about it for now - more about the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video next week, hopefully!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS…)
POETRY CAFÉ, THURSDAY 16th JUNE 2011


Well, this was definitely my biggest show yet - with press releases, charity themes, videos - extra special guests and even mentions in the London press: http://londonist.com/2011/06/book-grocer-15-21-june.php

In case the link eventually ceases to work we were billed as: "Paul Chandler, John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and Wilfredo spend the evening with a shy yeti and other animals, at the Poetry Cafe (8pm)."

The guests were, as follows:

John Smallshaw

Star of BBC Radio 4's Arthur Smith's Balham Bash and the subject of a soon-to-be released documentary about his life ('A Fish Called Pythagoras').

Gary Groves

Notoriously reclusive; this is his live London debut.

Wilfredo

The boy from Granada who has become the darling of the British festival scene. Fresh from sell out performances at the Brighton Festival Fringe and London's Leicester Square Theatre. He will be performing at the Underbelly throughout the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

As far as Mr Yeti was concerned I got to be the host for the night AND read more than a dozen of my poems. A number of poems by the other performers were recorded by my cameraman: Dan Hodges - and all of my pieces were recorded in full, except for OH FLORENCE!!!

In the end the evening went as follows:

FIRST HALF
8.00-8.40pm

We began with Julie's introduction to the night and also a short discussion on the charity before moving onto my first few poems, which were as follows:

DISCO YETI
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
THE TRUE LIGHT
BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE

I started off with three of my more familiar poems - ones that I usually read at shows which I collected in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation from 2009. BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE is one of my most recent poems from YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS which I have performed three times, so far, this year - and also included in my SHY YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series.

Following these poems there were some awesome poems by John Smallshaw. More on these when we get around to posting a video from the night. It was then time for me to read a few mine of my own poems and to talk a little about the charity...

LOVE-GO ROUND
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS
OH, FLORENCE!!!

The first two poems here were very new and received their live debut; both of them are from my forthcoming FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection of poems and prose that I don't expect to be published until next year. OH, FLORENCE!!! is an oldie and one of my favourites and can be found in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation.

Following this section we had Gary Groves debut on the London scene which was really well received - before we broke for a 20 minute break.

SECOND HALF
9.00-10.10pm

Returning after the break - I read a couple of animal poems building up to the piece that I had been commissioned to write for the evening (of which there is a specially recorded video on youtube...)

LITTLE PIG
IF YOU WERE MY WIFE
MY DOG IN A DRESS
A PERFECT MATCH

LITTLE PIG and MY DOG IN A DRESS are, of course - old pieces which can be found in SHY YETI RULES OK. IF YOU WERE MY WIFE is a new one from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE which has received a number of performances this year - whilst A PERFECT MATCH was the sketch that was especially commissioned for the night - which will eventually find its way into my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection next year.

There was also a video made before the night of A PERFECT MATCH: http://youtu.be/rJqJ5cukaJk filmed on location in Central London on Tuesday 14th June 2011 and posted up the following day to help attract interest in the night and the charity.

After my appearance we then had more from the fabulous John Smallshaw and then a whole lot of craziness from Wilfredo which had the audience in a near state of knicker-wetting hysteria! You think I jest! But no... Wilfredo has that affect on people... In a good way... If that's possible! ;) After Wilfredo I returned for my last four poems and a bit of plugging for YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS and my forthcoming THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection.

FREE COFFEE
A LITTLE MOUSE
OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER
I WILL EAT PIES

FREE COFFEE is a new piece which received it's live debut here - but which won't see the light of day until 2012 for FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. A LITTLE MOUSE is from my YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS book from earlier this year; whilst OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER is one that I've recently rediscovered from my 2009 collection IF POEMS WERE PIES. I had never performed it live, but really wanted to - and so I did! I WILL EAT PIES is my usual end of show piece - which can  located in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation, also from 2009.

I was really pleased to have time to fit in 15 poems on the night - the only other two poems that I had considered reading were THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR and THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE - PT 1... but I decided to debut a few newer poems instead.

I am currently working on a video of John, Gary and I - but more about that next time...

Thank you to all who came along and supported the charity - to Calum, Harry, Glyn, Dan, Robert, Tom, Vinnie and the other dozen or so people who I didn't get a chance to meet personally on the night...

Also a very big thank you to all those who could not attend and donated from afar - to Dominic, Stacy, Lorraine, Aidan, my mum and dad, Amber, Erik, Anita, Charlotte, Yvette...

I would also like to say another thank you to John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and Wilfredo for making the night so special - and for Julie Howell for making it all possible! It would appear the the total so far for the charity is £162.10, but a number of people are yet to donate - so that total could still go up. The online donation page is still active and can be accessed at: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson

I'll be posting again in a day or two about my recent soundcloud posts and the unfortunate delay with the first episode of the new SHY YETI IN PARIS series (never fear, after a hiccup it is on its way!); all that - not to mention the publication of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE…

That's about it for now...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

A SLIGHTLY-LONGER-THAN 60 SECOND CHAT WITH SHY YETI


Here is an interview that I did recently with a Beargrrrian magazine called THE GROWL GAZETTE – they know me over there due to my dubious connection with a certain Beargrrrian superstar named Charlie Grrr. The interview is mostly about my new book - YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS. So, here’s what they asked and what I said in reply – straight from the horse’s, erm – yeti’s mouth, as it were!

Q. So, Paul - tell us about your latest book. Firstly, what’s it called?

A. Well, the title is YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS – although that wasn’t the only title it went under. During the year or so I worked on it, it went under three different names – from THE DEATH OF LOVE to LOVE HUGS AND YETI FUZZ before I finally settled on this! I needed it to sound, at least, a little menacing – as the contents of this particular book are a little darker than usual…

Q. How does it differ from your last book DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? which came out last year on www.lulu.com?

A. I feel it differs quite a bit… There are more than just poems, this time there are also a few vignettes inspired by my visit to Los Angeles in August 2010 – not to mention nine short yet darkly-humorous horror stories. I’ve been getting back into horror over the last 18 months or so and so my ideas seem to be going down a sort of Joe Orton meets Stephen King path – and I’m very pleased about it too…

Q. Tell us about some of your favourites from the new book - which piece or pieces are you most proud of?

A. Well, I'm very happy that I've spent more time writing prose, recently… I am especially pleased with the short stories in this collection because I feel I’ve been able to write something that you might even class as a black comedy. My horror stories are horrible – but they are as much about the ludicrousness of the situation that the characters find themselves in than trying to be scary. For instance, in THE UNWANTED NEIGHBOUR the story is as much about the rivalry between an old woman and the monster who lives next door – with the moral that gossip is far more powerful as a weapon than sharp razor teeth! I’m also especially fond of a number of the poems – BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE, YOU – ME AND THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU, GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED, RESPECTABLE TEXTS, CUPCAKE, A FLEA TEA PARTY, A SWEET TAIL, WE’RE AN ITEM NOW and a number of others are already ones that have received nice comments at my shows or when recorded for videos and I hope in years to come I’ll still want to include these ones in my sets.

Q. How is the performance poetry going?

A. Good. Of course it’s still early days in many ways and I learn new things all the time. I still do shows at The Poetry Café twice a year and hopefully get the chance to read at other events along the way. This year is the first opportunity I’ve had to arrange a show with other poets so it’ll be very exciting to see how that goes!

Q. Are there any of your new poems that you feel are working especially well when performed live?

A. Definitely - and it's not always the obvious ones – sometimes it’s the ones I’ve asked the audience to pick randomly, which I’ve almost forgotten about – especially if it’s the older ones. I did one show last year where I provided the audience with the contents page of every book I had written up until that point and asked them each to select a titles from the contents page that they had been handed. In most cases they didn’t know the poem – but selected one for me to read by how much the title interested to them. It worked pretty well – nobody selected anything I really didn’t want to read, thankfully – but there aren’t TOO many of those. As for recent poems – any of the ones I mentioned earlier seem to be the ones working best; CUPCAKE always comes across in a far more sinister manner than I ever expected when I first wrote it. It’s like a stalking poem to a cake!!

Q. When is your next show?

A. I'm doing a show at The Poetry Café next month, Thursday 16th June 2011 with three other performers – John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and the legendary Wilfredo. It’s called AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI – AND OTHER ANIMALS and is for WOOD GREEN ANIMAL SHELTERS. I can’t really say anything more about it than that – but I do know it’s going to be very good!

Q. Will you be reading anything new?

A. Yes, indeed… One, maybe two new pieces – I suppose it depends on who you are and whether you’ve seen me perform my work before – to a lot of the audience it’ll all be new. But anyhew! Either way I am hoping to perform something new which I hope will appear in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection next year. One A PERFECT MATCH is written especially for the night and the other I am also considering is called LOVE-GO-ROUND and was only written a few days ago; but keeps whispering in my ear asking to be performed. We’ll see – I won’t make a decision yet; although I expect to get to read about ten pieces on the night.

Q. Any other upcoming shows?

A. Well, following on from my April show I have another planned for mid-November which is really all about celebrating 10 years since my first collection: JUNK/FOOD was published back in 2001. I’m issuing a 10th anniversary special edition with new commentary and photos to coincide with that and I’m expecting to read some poems from this book that ordinarily I would probably try and avoid! As much as I like JUNK/FOOD it has one or two pieces written back in 1992 that make me blush just a tad – let’s just say I’ve written better pieces since. That said I still feel that I could turn them into something worth hearing when I perform them. I also intend to read quite a bit from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE – which is the book that I have coming out in the summer. In addition to that I’m hoping to read some really new pieces and then one or two old favourites.

Q. How is the SHY YETI ON LOCATION series progressing?

A. Very well, I’d say. I have posted a number of videos up this year – the last two episodes of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series, a video called A YETI IN WINTER which was just 100-word stories, a performance video from my April 2011 show – not to mention finally getting around to editing SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN which I had intended to have ready last year, but which I ran out of time to finish. This last video appears in two parts – the first part featuring myself and Mr McCauley in various locations around London – as well as a yeti dance on a balcony on Manchester. The second episode was filmed in the English countryside and features a daft song, a rude limerick – silly accents – loads of out-takes and the only footage that survived from my trip to Venice in November 2010. The next series of videos was filmed in Paris in late April 2011 and should start appearing by early June – I’m not sure if that will end up as two or three episodes. There are also a few more episodes that I hope to film over the summer, including a return to Los Angeles in July and a general mooch around the English countryside – rather like last year’s SHY YETI IN THE COUNTRY episode.

Q. What about the forthcoming Paris episodes? Anything you can tell us about? Mr McCauley is back again, we hear?

A. Absolutely. All who watched the 2nd SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN episode will have seen a few Paris clips at the end – basically it’s all in the can – not that there’s actually a can; but I’m only just starting to edit the episodes now. I managed a number of new stories – an old poem – a yeti dance and a number of daft sketches with Monsieur McCauley. We filmed near The Louvre, Eiffel Tower, Montmartre, Pere Lachaise – basically anywhere we could. I just hope viewers enjoy it!!

Q. Can we expect to see any other parts of the States during your next trip?

A. Yes, indeed. Other than the usual L.A. location I expect to be taking a trip out to Portland, Oregan for a few days – so I’m hoping that I can set an episode there too. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be filming until I get there – but will probably read some new pieces and short stories from THE VAMPIRE COWS book. I also expect to be back in The States in November – but who knows what I’ll get up to then! There may even be a film from another European destination – but we’ll see!

Q. Will you be returning to open-mike in L.A.?

A. I'd very much like to if they'll have me back and there is time. My priority is to spend lots of quality time with Mr McCauley and then secondly recording more videos and taking photos for which ever book I'm working on by then.

Q. And you've nearly finished another book?

A. Yes… Two really! But that's just the way it often seems to happen… It's not as if I finished work on YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS in March and then began the next one in April - I began THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE in October and have been working on it since then whilst I was proofing the other collection. It’s just that every day I write it’s nice to work on some fresh writing – to spend half an hour or an hour to write a poem or some prose; but the reverse of that and the more boring side is the proofreading. So the balance is that I’m usually writing something new whilst putting the finishing touches to an older book.

Q. It still sounds like you came up with lots of ideas very quickly? How come?

A. I’ve always had a lot of ideas and I write every day – I had a pretty prolific year back in 2009 too, but on this occasion I blame it on those 100-word stories. I already had half a book written which was mainly poetry – but then suddenly I had a lot of ideas that really suited this 100-word format and once I had those ideas it was quite easy to write two or three a day whilst commuting to work or during a lunch break. Other than cutting them down to 100 words they didn’t need a lot of proofing – so the whole process of writing the second half of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE went very quickly between January and March 2011.

Q. You read some of the stories during an episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION didn’t you? Will you still be writing poetry?

A. I certainly will – in fact I finished one over the weekend called LOVE-GO-ROUND which I hope to read at the Poetry Café show in June. But you’re right – I did read some of the 100-word stories and probably will do again; I’m certainly focussing more on prose at the moment – but in different forms. For instance, the book after VAMPIRE COWS which I am currently working on, called A FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, has a mixture of prose and poetry – but I’ve already moved on from writing 100 word stories to writing maybe 500 to 1000 word pieces; something with a little more meat but which might not be any longer than, say, two sides of A4 paper. Basically I’m writing in all sorts of formats – not imposing too many rules and regulations and just seeing what happens… I’m also finding that I’m writing more about things or places or experiences that I’ve been involved with lately. I guess what I’ve been writing about lately are more just bizarre black comedies rather than necessarily horror or ghost stories out-right.

Q. And what is the other book you mentioned?

A. The new Mouse of Commons novel - the first since 2008’s GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY (the other Mouse books since then have all been short story collections.) I’m quite excited that it is nearly done as I’ve been working on this book on and off since 2007 and now that it’s finished I am already thinking about its sequel – not to mention finishing off a number of other Mouse short stories that are all finished, except for needing to be typed up.

Q. Well, that's about all for now - can I ask one more question? What ever happened to Sutton Park SW1?

A. Ah, I knew you'd ask that one! There are a number of episodes in the can ready to go – but I’ve just not had time to edit them as well as writing the books and working on SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. I’m hoping to get more episodes edited later this year and into 2012 – which is the 20th anniversary of the show.

Q. That's good news. Thank you, Paul.

A. That's okay, thank you for having me – hopefully we’ll growl again soon.

So, there you have it! More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx



This interview was conducted in May 2011 and is Copyright Paul Chandler/Growler Gazette 2011.