ARE WE THERE, YETI? YES... FINALLY WE ARE!

Hello beasties!

This week we have a whole load of nice things lined up for you; including giving you all the details that you need to know about the new book, ARE WE THERE, YETI? (including a piece from it!). I'll also be concluding my preview of the new collection by looking at all the poems included in the volume.

So, without further ado let me just say that I am proud to be able to announce the publication of my new collection, ARE WE THERE, YETI!? which has been over 18 months in the making... Here's some information about it!


ARE WE THERE, YETI? contains over 100 pieces, mostly short stories, a few sketches and a dozen or so poems. Some of them a funny, some sad, some quirky, some plain creepy. They are stories that Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti) wrote between July and December 2011; much of it during his summer and autumn trips to the States. Poems include: GLUE TO MEND A BROKEN HEART, NEVER TRUST A SKINNY FISH AND CHIP MAN, INVITE A YETI ROUND FOR TEA, IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY!?, JOHN – I’M ONLY RHYMING, MY LONG LOST FRIEND and the title verse. Stories include: THE CREEPY SHOW, A CUP OF SUGAR, RATTLESNAKES, SANTA’S BIT ON THE SIDE and A YETI HISTORY LESSON OF HOLLYWOOD.

Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/are-we-there-yeti/12734066

Hardback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/are-we-there-yeti/13615283

This week we look at the poems from the collection; less than 20 of the 100 items in the new book are pieces of rhyming verse, the rest - as we've already discussed are either full length short stories or prose pieces which are somewhere between poetry and a short story.

ARE WE THERE, YETI?

The title track! Every Shy Yeti book needs at least one yeti piece in it... This collection has, at least, four - but that's beside the point! This one is about taking a ride with a yeti and it not exactly going well!

CACTUS HEART

This originally intended to make its debut in this collection - but actually managed to sneak out and became the title-piece of a compilation of lost poems for lost loves. The "cactus heart" in this poem definitely sounds like a nasty piece of work!

GLUE TO MEND A BROKEN HEART

This is another poem that actually made its debut in the CACTUS HEART compilation that I released in the summer. It's quite a sad little piece and was written in a kind of verse/chorus fashion which could lend itself to a song, if the right tune came along.

INVITE A YETI ROUND FOR TEA...

Another yeti piece and one that I performed quite a bit during 2012, partly in shows - but also for one of my SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes. This is basically about inviting a yeti around for tea, but very soon regretting that you did!

IS A TOADSTOOL A TOAD’S TOOL?

This piece was written as a play on words - a bit of a tongue twister. It does kind of make sense... Ish.

IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY?

One of my favourite poems from this collection - as it's a bit of a petty niggle of mine! I do hate that we start to hear about Christmas earlier and earlier each year. I don't really care for it anyway and I certainly don't want to be hearing about it in September or whenever! I recorded a version of this down in Broadstairs for one of my summer episodes.

JOHN, I’M ONLY RHYMING...

Possibly my favourite piece from this collection - certainly my favourite of the poems. It's all a sort of reply to all the poetry snobs that I've met over the years who seem to look down on rhyming poetry and seem to think that their world view of poetry is the only view that matters. This is my call to do whatever the hell you want! 

NEVER MIND THE MINOTAUR...

One of three love poems - this one about being a tad besotted with a minotaur...

KRAKEN YOU HEAR ME?

The second of three poems in a series - this one about falling in love with a Kraken; as you do.

CTHULHU, YOU ARE HOT!!

The third and final love poem about falling for a mythical beast; don't ask... It's just plain odd!

MISTLETOE MANIA

Another Christmas themed piece that I also included in

MURDERING THAT SONG...

A silly little piece about "murdering" a song - taking the phrase literally!

MY LONG LOST FRIEND

Another of my favourites from this collection, parly because it's partly inspired by a true story! Sometimes when you meet old friends again you really wish you hadn't!

NEVER, NEVER BE FORGOTTEN

A more serious piece that was written in memory of a friend's mother who died in 2011. That said, I hope the piece works for anybody who finds themselves in that situation.

NEVER TRUST A SKINNY FISH ‘N’ CHIP MAN

Another favourite from this collection - a completely daft one, but one that I enjoy reading aloud. I filmed it in August 2012 for one of my SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes set down up in the Lake District, which is yet to be edited.

SWEATY YETI!!

Another yeti piece - about an especially sweaty yeti. I also recorded this when I was down in Broadstairs during the summer.

TOO SHORT TO BE A YETI

This piece mentions yeti - but isn't really about them... I'm not convinced that I DO know what it's about for that matter!

YOU’RE NO FRIEND – LET’S BE ENEMIES!!

Another poem about friendship - or the decision to quit being friends and just start being enemies. Sometimes the line between the two can be very close.

YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND’S A MINGER

A nice catty piece which slags somebody off... They're not going to be pleased when they hear it!

So, here ends our preview to ARE WE THERE, YETI? I'm sharing another piece from the collection with you - a story called THE DAILY GRIND. I hope you enjoy it; it appears at the very end of the post.

Next week I'll be moving ahead to the next collection, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, which I finished writing back in the autumn - and which I have begun to do some formatting and proofing work on. I'm hoping that it'll be ready by the autumn along with the 10th anniversary collections of GO 4TH AND DIVIDE and THE AUTUMNAL E.P. - but for now I'll just be sharing the titles with you. With a bit of luck the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video will also be ready by next week - but I make no promises!

That's it for now - all except for a piece from the new book, which appears below!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

THE DAILY GRIND

Jeff Murray worked in London. Everyday he commuted the 45 minutes into Waterloo; always at the same time and pretty much with all the same people.

It was odd, but over the ten years that Jeff had been doing that journey, none of his fellow travellers had ever engaged him in conversation; not that he had instigated any potential discussions of his own other than a daily insincere “Good morning!” to one or two familiar faces that he couldn’t avoid acknowledging. It was strange – for technically the majority of these people were his neighbours – but the whole lot of them might as well have been strangers for all the attention that they paid one another. It really was most peculiar when you considered it.

If he admitted it to himself Jeff realised that in a way he was almost afraid of those people that lived in the flats around him; genuinely fearful of interacting with them. The same went for those commuters on the platform. The general consensus seemed to be that you were somehow allowing strangers into your private world – strangers who might somehow try to harm you. It almost petrified Jeff now to even consider actually starting up any meaningful form of conversation with any of them.

“Morning, Mrs Smith!” he exclaimed, passing a middle-aged lady who wore a green jacket and posh new high heels to match.

“Morning, Mr Murray…”

“Morning, Mr Richards!”

“Morning, Mr Murray!”

“Nice day isn’t it, vicar?”

“Yes… Yes… Splendid, Jeffrey – most promising!”

It probably all appeared quite calm and convivial to any outsider who didn’t know the truth; but Jeff knew what these people were really like. He was always careful to stand at the far end of the platform, which only allowed people to stand on his right side just in case a quick escape was required. Just when they thought he wasn’t looking, he would turn and catch their true sneering expressions.

Mrs Smith was adjusting the deadly blade on her stiletto heel. Old Mr Richards was reloading the small pistol that he always carried in his briefcase. Meanwhile, Reverend Stanley glared at them one by one, fuelled by fury – bubbling with a madness that was bound to overflow at some stage. One day he would snap and shove somebody clean off the platform and into the path of a speeding train…

Not today perhaps, but soon…

“Well, it won’t be me he gets!” vowed Jeff under his breath, for he always came prepared – always carried his poisoned tipped umbrella clasped tightly to his breast. “I’m ready for you! All of you!” he snarled. “BRING IT ON!”

THE DAILY GRIND is one of 100 pieces just published in Paul Chandler / Shy Yeti's new book, ARE WE THERE, YETI? which is now available from www.lulu.com at £9.99 for the paperback and £15.99 for the hardback edition. Links to this book appear at the top of this post.

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2013.

ARE WE THERE, YETI?

MORE PROSE, I SUPPOSE...

Hello beasties!

How have you been? Well, I trust?

Before we return to discuss the new book I intend to cover what I've been up to since my last post. My main success is finishing the new book, ARE WE THERE, YETI? which is now on its way to Lulu.com for me to receive a draft copy and then hopefully I'll release it week beginning Monday 11th February. I've also been making some headway with the new video, SHY YETI RETURNS TO DORSET and have managed to get the footage down from over an hour to around 25 minutes; it'll take a while longer - but should be ready in the next week or so. Other than that I've been tinkering about with a few poems that I came up with titles for a couple of years ago, but which I never got around to actually writing... These titles include INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS, IT ONLY TAKES A MOUSE TO SNEEZE, DIAMONDS ARE ALL VERY WELL, BUT PIES TASTE NICER, THE YETI POET LAUREATE, THE GIRL OF YOUR NIGHTMARES and THE CAKEOCALYPSE... I also started a piece called A VERY GOOD FRIEND - A VERY BAD LOVER and completed a short story over the weekend called, INFORMATION IS A WONDERFUL THING...

Moving on... This week we continue our discussion of the new book by looking at the other prose pieces in the new collection. Last week we reached the letter I and so this week we start from J with a little piece called JELLY-BABY...

JELLY-BABY

It's amazing how something as simple as offering a jelly baby to a stranger can cause so much grief...

JITTERS

It's easy to get the jitters when you are about to make a big decision - even when it's a decision like the one involved in this short sketch...

L.A. AND I (GET ON JUST FINE, THANK YOU...)

Not everyone sees L.A. as the glamorous solution to all their wildest dreams - it's all about how you see the place and whether you let it know who's boss.

LOSING YOUR MEMORY ISN’T ALWAYS A BAD THING...

Sometimes it's better not to remember the past - sometimes ignorance really IS bliss!

A MOURNING YAWN

It is a very sad day at the zoo... One of the chief keepers has died and at memorial service all the animals are keen to point their claws at a very likely suspect!

A NEW BOOK IN THE FAMILY

Buying a second hand book comes with responsibilities - it's whether you are prepared to take them or not...

NOM, NOM, NOM

Cruising the customers is just a perk of the job when you work in a large supermarket - but some people just take this perk a little too far!

PART OF THE FAMILY

When Marty the bulldog is introduced as the latest member of the family - wily feline, Ava, volunteers to show him the ropes, whilst also getting the most out of the new arrival as is possible!

A PHOTO, FALLEN...

Some people think that when your photo is taken that your soul is trapped in the picture! The truth might not be quite so alarming... Or is it!?!

RATTLESNAKES!!!

It's all very well people being afraid of snakes - but have you ever considered how scary it is when you ARE one?

REHAB... FOR CANNIBALS!

Life as a cannibal can get a bit out of hand - which is why a number of them go to rehab to wean themselves off human flesh! But such good intentions don't always work out so smoothly...

RICH PICKINGS

Sometimes underhand pranks can back-fire and when they do you may not get the chance to live to regret them, either.

RING, RING...

Exactly how much does it matter if you are unfaithful to your partner when you are dreaming? It's all a matter of perspective!

RUNNING LATE...

First dates can be funny beasts - this one doesn't exactly take the biscuit - no, something far more valuable is being lined up!

SANTA’S BIT ON THE SIDE

Keira has a very interesting lover... He only comes once a year, but she enjoys every moment of their time together!

A SEAT ON THE WING

Travelling on the wing of a plane to your destination might not seem the most obvious thing to do, but one who has tried this mode of transport reports back, with constructive comments, about the merits of such a wild form of travel!

A SENSE OF STYLE

If a ballerina is about to be murdered then she will insist on dying with grace and with style!

THE SERIAL KILLER OF LITTLE ITALY

The story of a serial killer who lives in Little Italy in San Diego... His only problem is that he possibly likes eating the Italian food more than he actually likes killing!

THE SHAME OF A MIDDLE-CLASS BONNIE AND CLYDE

Sometimes even the most clean-nosed middle-class person can get drawn into trouble - especially when cake is involved!

SO IRRITATING!!!

Sometimes little things can be irritating and sometimes irritating things can snowball and build up into major frustrations and then, sometimes, those major frustrations can overflow into something particularly nasty...

STATUE ESQ.

Here is your introduction to a new company that has a very interesting service to offer... It's name is STATUE ESQ. and it provides slightly unconventional statues to be used in the gardens of large country-homes. Sounds dull? It's really not. STATUE ESQ. is a firm run by gorgons.

STATUS SYMBOLS

A rich man's dream of buying an desert island goes slightly... off-course, let us say!

TAKE CARE WHEN GIVING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

You really do need to take care when buying Christmas presents - especially if you intend to deal out a lesson in revenge...

TOAST!!!

A tragic tale of an unconventional wedding toast!

A TRAGIC DEMISE

Death comes to us all - but not many people meet their maker in quite such an odd fashion as does the gentleman in this short sketch...

TRICK OR...

Halloween really isn't the time to be annoying your neighbours... especially the spooky ones!

THE TRUE LIGHT (PROSE VERSION)

THE TRUE LIGHT is one of my own favourite poems, as it's the one that kick-started my passion for verse when I returned to it in 2001. To celebrate its 10th anniversary I wrote an extended prose version of the piece - which concerns one "cheating" partner begging to be forgiven...

TURN AND TURN AGAIN

Do you like your boss? Not everybody does, but not that many people do anything about it... Sometimes those feelings of dislike work both ways, however.

THE UNPUBLISHED NOVEL

A creepy tale of what shifts and changes can occur to an unpublished novel if it is left to sit on the shelf for years...

A VERY SHY PSYCHOPATH

Some psychopaths are shyer than others...

THE WAR AGAINST RED TAPE

We all encounter red tape on a daily basis at work - but things just seem to get worse as time goes on...

THE WEDDING PLANNER

When you're booking a wedding sometimes you need to be extra careful about who exactly is responsible for what in arranging the big day...

WEIRD WIDE WEB

Back in 2000 when this was written, the internet was still quite a curiousity for a lot of people and it wasn't that common for people to have their own connections at home... Not only that but you were never entirely sure what you might see when you "surfed the web..."

WHAT GOES AROUND…

Friends come and go - but some friends return after a long period of time. However, sometimes, those people have changed so much that you barely recognise what you ever saw in the person... Occasionally, you get back the friend that you truly deserve.

THE WRONG PEN

One person's useless pen is another's pride and joy... Sometimes it's just a case of finding the right owner, but how would you feel if you were the actual pen in question?

A YETI HISTORY LESSON OF HOLLYWOOD

Far in the future Mama Yeti takes her family on a trip to show them an over-grown city which was once known at "Hollywood..."

Next week we'll discuss the poems that are included in the new book and also finally trumpet the release, ARE WE THERE, YETI? itself, as it'll definitely be out that week. I'm going to leave you with a piece from the new book called THE HYPOCRISY OF OLD AGE. This one came to me whilst I was half-asleep during a visit to Los Angeles - it wouldn't let me sleep, so I had to go and make some notes on it. I hope you enjoy it.


More soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

THE HYPOCRISY OF OLD AGE



I’m an old dude now…
I get to be cranky - I get to say whatever I want!
Although it is also your right to ignore me –
I know that my views still get to you…
Deep down, despite your devil-may-care attitude!
It registers; whether you admit it or not…
Whether those views of mine are really – actually – my views or not!
I like to say them anyhow – to get a reaction…
It is part of the hypocrisy of getting older –
I can say stuff that I don’t actually believe in;
That shames you in some way, perhaps…
I can down right lie…
I’m an old dude now and you don’t know any better!
When I was your age they had us working down the pit…
Cleaning out chimneys with our bare hands – with our tongues!
We were proud to fight for our country…
It made men of us; whatever that actually means.
Kids these days don’t know they’re born…
They don’t know how easy they’ve got it!
When I was six I was manning my own tank across enemy lines…
When I was ten I single-handedly saved a whole city from certain death –
And led them to safety across mountain wildernesses; without a map.
Kids these days don’t know any better –
Part of them, wisely, doesn’t believe me – nor cares…
But the other part secretly does. Just in case. Not liking to be wrong.
That part says, “He’s an old dude… Old dudes don’t lie… ‘Cos they’re OLD!
He must actually have done everything that he claims…”
It makes them feel that little more useless about their own sorry lives!
Which in turn makes me feel a little better about mine…
They allow me to spout out my nonsense – my cranky hypocrisy…
Despite none of it being true – despite none of it actually happening;
Except the one or two bits that really did.
I was no more a veteran of war than your pet dog was…
I no more believe any of that stuff than your pet cat does…
I spent my youth smoking, drinking, chasing pretty girls and handsome men…
Or, at least, trying to – just like you do!
We have more in common than you ever realise…
But I’m an old dude –
And I want you know how much harder I had it.
Just to screw with your mind, like people once did to me…
Consider it a free service – your turn will come.
All too soon.

THE HYPOCRISY OF OLD AGE comes from the new Shy Yeti / Paul Chandler collection, ARE WE THERE, YETI? which is due to be published on Monday 11th February 2013.

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2013.

ARE WE THERE, YETI!?
PROSE, I SUPPOSE...

Hello beasties!

Before we get into the main theme of this post, just to let you know that I've been quite busy putting together a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode. It's provisionally called WINTER ON A SUMMER'S DAY - or might simply be entitled SHY YETI'S CHILLY SUMMER SPECIAL. We shall see... The premise is that as the weather in the summer will probably be pretty ropey, then I might as well film the summer special now; so you end up with a summer special filmed in the snow! Trust a yeti to be so awkward and unseasonal! I do hope that the snow in the sketches that I've already filmed won't melt between now and July/August... Hadn't thought of that! So far I've recorded a couple of older poems from my SHY YETI RULES OKAY collections - THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY and CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND and I'll just pootle along with this episode until it's done and keep it "on ice" until nearer the time that it's due to be edited.

There are no particular plans for filming more episodes, over the next couple of months, unless there is more snow. That said I did speak to Dan about recording another cooking episode or two over in February or March; so we'll see how that goes. At least it's something that we can record indoors even if the weather isn't so great outside! Dan and I were discussing doing pies or pasties this time around! I expect to be having a holiday away somewhere around Easter - so hopefully I'll get back into regular filming once the weather improves in late March/early April. Until then I've got plenty of episodes in the can left over from last year. I'm currently still working on the episode that I filmed in Dorset around New Year - there was a lot of footage but I'm working through it now and - I know I've said this before - but I hope that it'll be ready to post sometime in the next fortnight; around the time that ARE WE THERE, YETI!? is published. After that I think the plan is still to edit the two-parter filmed in Venice back in November.

Moving on to the main area of discussion this we and continuing on from last week - I now aim to begin looking at the prose pieces from ARE WE THERE, YETI!?! I don't intend to go through them all this week, as there are well over 50 of them... But let's start alphabetically and see how far we get through! Just so you know, I won't be giving away any spoilers or too detailed plot-points - more hints about what each piece is about! Something to tempt you with, I hope!

AMNESIA

This piece is about a man who wakes up from a trauma with gaps in his memory - as he begins to recover he finds himself haunted by he memory of a handsome, yet somehow familiar face in a photograph...

AN ASYLUM FOR AUTHORS

This quirky tale pretty much describes itself with its title! Here we visit an asylum for those authors who have become a little too obsessed by their own characters!

AUNTIE ASTRID... (U.S.A.SPECIAL)

Auntie Astrid is a character that was first introduced during my Mouse Of Commons series and was co-created with my friend Gareth Bellis. Astrid is a guinea pig guru, no less - an agony aunt who offers help and advice to animals in need. Here are some more letters for her to wade through; on this occasion all the missives are from creatures who are about to head out to the States for well-needed holidays.

BEE BUSINESS

This is the story of a vengeful bee who won't let his family be walked over...

BEING STALKED BY THE HOLLYWOOD LETTERS

How would you like to be stalked by the Hollywood letters? It may seem flattering at first, but can very quickly become an embarrassment!

BEST PANTS

It is the end of the world and all the narrator of this piece seems concerned about is that he dies in his nicest underwear!

THE BODY IN THE BOG

This story is adapted from a poem that I wrote back in 1992 and involves the discovery of a body in a marsh. Things quickly take a turn for the worse for the gentleman who accidentally stumbles upon the corpse...

A BOY’S DREAM OF FLIGHT

This piece acts as a warning about the dangers of walking small dogs!

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

A short Christmas sketch that is written from the point of view of a Christmas tree!

CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS

Murder isn't the problem... It's cleaning up afterwards (or not) that really annoys the cleaners!

COLLECTING HEARTACHE

This story tells a tale of a hoarder who has trouble keeping a relationship going... But what is he doing wrong or is it his collection that is somehow conspiring against him!?

COMING CLEAN

During the London riots - one particular rioter met his match with the item that he looted! This sketch shows exactly how it happened!

THE CONFESSION BOX

The priest in this story is having a very forgiving day when it comes to the crimes of his parisioners! But why?

CREEPY, EXOTIC...

Sometimes it is the creepiest people who can be the most exotic...

THE CREEPY SHOW

This story is all about the owner of a creepy wax works as he waits to open the doors to a whole new stream of customers; it is something that he very much looks forward to... for many reasons!

THE DAILY GRIND

The daily grind can really get to some people - all that pent up resentment that keeps building inside every commuter as the days and the months and the years go by... Standing on platforms alongside neighbours that can barely even make eye-contact or say hello of a morning. After a while it gets to you and one day all this frustration is bound to explode...

DEAR, DEARLY DEPARTED

A fan writes about the death of his favourite actress - someone whom he claims to have been very good friends with! However, truth is always stranger than fiction!

THE DUST OF AGES

How come the college librarian still looks so young after so many years? Only the dust of ages has the answer to that!

AN ENQUIRING MIND

Those who choose to read each other's minds may sometimes find a darkness that they wish they had left well alone... 

EXCITEMENT IN LIFE

Charlie has become sick of his wife, Judith - and every day he plots to kill her... One day he might just do it too! 

FEEDING TIME...

Feeding time at the zoo is probably one of the busiest times of the day - but what if there was only one canteen for both the visitors and the animals!? 

A FLY ON THE WALL

What if the fly on the wall was a reincarnation of someone? What if he took to spying on beautiful ladies? What if the beautiful lady was also a reincarnation? What if the beautiful lady had known the man that the fly had once been?

THE FOOD OF LOVE

The couple in this story have much in common - but what they choose to do about it is certainly food for thought!

FRUIT BATS...

The tragic story of a blood orange and a fruit bat...

GOOD TIMES AGAIN...

A favourite teddy bear discovers that he has a rival for his attentions - a large floppy-eared bunny!

A HAPPY EX-MAS

Revenge is best served cold at Christmas, but sometimes a loving couple can get their wires crossed by quite how far they intend to go to show their loyalty to one another!

HEALTHY LIVING

Two old friends meet up, by chance, in Los Angeles - both are actors, both very vain and soon they begin to discuss the various health fads that are doing the rounds; some of the options are bound to make your skin crawl!

THE HOODIES NEXT DOOR...

A family of hoodies lives next door to a family of apes and it really is a recipe for disaster!

HOW MONEY SPIDERS GET THEIR NAME...

Money Spiders aren't called Money Spiders for nothing, you know... And here is why!!

HUSBAND POTENTIAL

Two young ladies compare notes on the famous historical characters that they would most like to have dated!

THE HYPOCRISY OF OLD AGE

With age comes the freedom to become a complete hypocrite AND to get away with it!

THE ICE-CREAMING AD-DABS...

Two rival ice cream firms battle it out for supremacy - with tasty results!

INK ON HER HANDS

Some people take stationery very seriously... So I wouldn't go nicking a pen from one of them, if I were you!

IN THE SOUP...

Sometimes a nice cup of soup can be the making of you - although sometimes you can be the making of a nice cup of soup...

Next week we'll look at the other half of the stories and the following week the poems; as I've mentioned, by then the new book should be released and hopefully I'll also be unloading a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode around then too...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx



This post and all content is Copyright Paul Chandler 2013.

MORE LIVE YETI AND STUFF ABOUT THE NEW BOOK...

Hello again!

This week I'm here to unveil another live video from my ROCK 'N' ROLLERCOASTER SHOW and to share with you a piece from my forthcoming collection, ARE WE THERE, YETI!? It's looking to be my longest collection yet - but then it is chock-a-block with 100 short stories and poems; in fact there are probably more stories, which is why it's ended up so long. The publication date is still provisional at this stage, but I'd like it to be out by July/August - a year almost exactly since I began writing it. I'm aiming to read pieces from it at my Poetry Cafe show in early September - so that's roughly the time-scale I'm aiming for. At the moment all I've left to do is to proofread it through, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, more about that later and for now we'll move onto the next video...

Shy Yeti presents... The second of three visits to The Poetry Cafe, Covent Garden for his ROCK 'N' ROLLERCOASTER SHOW, as performed there on Saturday 5th May 2012. This was a night to celebrate the 10th anniversary of Shy Yeti (otherwise known as Paul Chandler)'s 2nd collection, ROLLERCOASTER and also to raise money for charity - on this occasion MS TRUST. Poems include KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG, EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS EASY RIDER, WHY AGNES YOU'RE LOVELY and I AM A JELLY FISH. His special guest on the night was the fantastic John Smallshaw - and two of his poems appear in this film: LATE NIGHT CALLER and A FISH CALLED PYTHAGORAS. There will more footage of the night released over the next few weeks and this film even includes a specially recorded yeti dance! Cameraman for the evening was Dominic McCauley and he also appears during the links. Mr Yeti recorded a few bits too and edited it all together. Music is by Luca. This film and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler/John Smallshaw, 2012.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/Os6Sqv5_s50

Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/42603730

The linking pieces in this video were actually filmed back in late February when I thought I was going to be doing the ROLLERCOASTER show back in March - and the links were filmed quite near to my home in Weybridge. Luckily there was only one small comment about the original date of the show, so I was able to use everything else. As I've mentioned before I'll now be moving onto the second and final part of my German trip, before editing a third and final live video from ROLLERCOASTER... Any footage left over will pop up in any videos that I film over the next few months.
Next week I'll hopefully be posting another video and taking a look at how the online videos are looking - we're getting up towards 7000 hits on Youtube, so I'm kind of hoping that we may have reached 10,000 by Christmas. We're also drawing closer to my next Poetry Cafe show, so they'll be more live footage. I'm lining up a completely different set - selected from poems that were first posted here on this very blog to celebrate the 10th anniversary.

To finish with I'm posting something from the next book - it's another rather gory short story called CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS... Enjoy!!

That's it for now - more next week,

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS


Zak regarded the contents of the skip with a frown; he was the caretaker of a big block of expensive flats at The Barbican, London and it was part of his job to keep an eye on what was going on with the salvage for the building.

Sometimes he’d uncover some quite choice pickings amongst the waste – the people who lived in the block were rich and often disposed of perfectly edible food on the day it was “technically” meant to expire. It wasn’t unheard of for Zak to end up dining on caviar or the remains of a joint of beef, if he kept his eyes open.

He was used to seeing all manner of things; false teeth, hearing aids, oddly shaped vegetables; not to mention embarrassing school photos and private letters.

…And then, sometimes, there was worse – much, much worse…

As on this particular day…

Generally Zak tried not to mind as long as protocol was observed; but today someone was really taking the biscuit…

Zak stared disapprovingly into the black sack that slumped before him. It was full of miscellaneous body parts; legs – severed arms – a couple of heads and all sorts of other discarded organs. It was Mr Sylvester again, their resident serial killer.

“This shouldn’t have happened…” Zak grumbled, not relishing having to go speak to the man again; for Mr Sylvester was an Arsenal supporter and Zak followed Spurs. “That man never listens. He’s had enough warnings! This is his last chance!” he muttered furiously. “Why doesn’t he listen? Really, it’s not difficult… Body parts don’t go in the skip! Body parts go with food scraps in recycling…”


CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS is from the Paul Chandler's next book, ARE WE THERE, YETI? which is due out in the Summer from www.lulu.com. All content of this post is Copyright, Paul Chandler 2012

SHY YETI ON LOCATION - UPDATED RATINGS - APRIL 2012...

Hello!

Nice Easter?

This will be a slightly shorter post than usual, because I'm just about to go away... Yes, it's the German trip, finally! But more on that later...

I've been quite busy on both ARE WE THERE, YETI? - basically getting it in shape so that I effectively have a draft edition to do final proofing on. I've also added a few new pieces to NOT AS SHY AS I WAS... I've been typing up some stories that I've written recently, but during my commutes have been working on a number of new poems - titles include: THE BEST WORSTEST DANCER IN THE WORLD, THE WORLD IS FULL OF BULLIES and WIGS AND CO. So, they sound my usual sensible fare, don't they!? ;)

Filming-wise - and in slow time, I've been working on my SHY YETI GOES WILD episode. This was originally meant to go alongside my next Radio Wey appearance and I've even put together a small collection for this; although as Tim is only doing his show once a month it may take a month or two before we manage to find a date that suits us both. SHY YETI GOES WILD is an animal-themed compilation and so I've been recording animal poems for a forthcoming episode - in fact the Easter weekend has pretty much seen me complete this episode after the initial filming I did back in late March around Horsell Common near Woking. Further filming has since taken place, again near Woking - but also in Richmond Park, in the Alton area of Hampshire and finally up in Highgate Woods on Easter Day. In fact the main question now is do I do one long episode or have I enough for a two parter... As I'm hoping to film around the Windsor area on Tuesday 10th April, weather allowing, it may be that I do record enough for a two-part special. Both Dominic and Calum have been helping me out with the episode and Dominic makes an appearance - but I'll do a longer post on this one in a week or two and show you a few behind-the-scenes photos.

I've also been quite busy working on completing a poem for my friend's Glyn and David's civil partnership poem; which I'm sure I will eventually post here - but for now all I can tell you is its title... THE WEDDING BREAKFAST!! I was specifically asked to write a quite silly piece and so that's exactly what I did; although it does have some rather nice wedding bits too! Anyway, the wedding is on Friday 27th April 2012 and hopefully there will be a video to show you after that date; so watch this space!

I've also been busy editing the next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video - which I hope will be ready for you once I'm back from Germany, as it's almost done. It's called SHY YETI WELCOMES SPRING and was mostly filmed last month in Broadstairs and London; although it does feature a couple of poems that I saved from the "digital cutting room floor" which were filmed in June 2011.

As I've said before, I'm a little reticent to talk about my big trip this week to Dusseldorf and Cologne just in case something goes wrong and I don't get there - or I do get there but I lose my camera or delete the files! It has happened - AND there was snow in Scotland only last week; who knows what might happen! I may even run off to join my yeti relatives... Now that WOULD be some video! ;)

But anyway aside from all that I do hope that we get there and if we do then next week I'll be able to tell you a little more about what I've filmed! But let's not tempt fate, aye!?

Ratings... We're creeping slowly towards our 6000th hit, which - if memory serves me is over 2000 hits since I last mentioned this subject back in late January/early February 2012. Anyway, the ratings are coming up next - bizarrely Part 2 of Sutton Park has overtaken Part 1 by quite a few hits; I have no idea why that is! Meanwhile, some of the other videos are rattling up the chart - I'll leave you to look, should you wish to and leave you with the news that there are now 39 videos with over 100 hits!

Anyway, more soon! Very soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul x

RATINGS FROM YETI VIDEOS – AS OF 03/04/2012

1^st SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 2 = 523 views
2^nd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 1 = 459 views
3^rd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 3 = 262 views
4^th SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET = 206 views
5^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 1 = 200 views
6^th SHY YETI'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL = 196 views
7^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 4 = 187 views
8^th SHY YETI GOES TO HOLLYWOOD = 183 views
9^th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION = 181 views
10^th BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR = 176 views
11^th TOO LATE – A SHORT STORY= 173 views
12^th A YETI IN WINTER = 162 views
13^th SHY YETI AT THE COBALT CAFÉ = 161 views
14^th OUT AND ABOUT WITH SHY YETI = 154 views
15^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 5 = 153 views
16^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 7 = 152 views
17^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 6 = 148 views
18^th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 = 145 views
19^th SHY'S SNOW SPECTACULAR = 144 views
20^th I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES = 141 views
21^st UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE = 140 views
22^nd SHY YETI TALKS = 127 views
23^rd SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PT 1 = 125 views
24^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 4 = 123 views
25^th A YETI IN PARIS – PART 1= 119 views
26^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 2 = 117 views
27^th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 (2) = 116 views
=28^th SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET (O/T) = 115 views
=28^th A YETI ON RADIO WEY = 115 views
=30^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 3 = 114 views
=30^th YETI DANCE A-GO-GO… = 114 views
32^nd SHY YETI OUT IN THE COUNTRY = 112 views
33^rd SUTTON PARK – PART 8 (1 OF 2) = 110 views
=34^th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION (O/T) = 108 views
=34^th SHY YETI LIVE – 02/04/2011 = 108 views
36^th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 2 = 108 views
=37^th A PERFECT MATCH = 102 views
=37^th YETI SPAGHETTI = 102 views
39^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 1 = 100 views
40^th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 1 = 99 views
41^st SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 3 = 98 views
42^nd A YETI IN PARIS – PART 2 = 94 views
43^rd SHY YETI BACK AT THE COBALT CAFE = 93 views
44^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 3 = 91 views
45th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 2 = 86 views
46^th A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS – A POEM = 81 views
47^th AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI... = 80 views
48^th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE = 76 views
49^th SOMETHING TO CHEW ON= 74 views
50^th ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 72 views
51^st SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – LIVE REVIVED = 71 views
52^nd SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PART 1 = 69 views
53^rd SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 2 = 66 views
=54^th MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 – PART 1 = 64 views
=54^th YETI SPAGHETTI (OUT-TAKES) = 64 views
=54^th LITTLE PIG = 64 views
57^th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 5 = 61 views
=58^th MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 – PART 2 = 60 views
=58^th JUNK/FOOD GIG 1 = 60 views
=60^th MY MOMENT IS NOW = 58 views
=60^th PICCADILLY CIRCUS = 58 views
62^nd YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 4 = 56 views
63^rd SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PART 2 = 54 views
64^th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 6 = 52 views
65^th THEY WARNED ME... = 48 views
66^th CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND = 47 views
67^th JUNK/FOOD GIG 2 = 45 views
68^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 7 = 44 views
69^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 8 = 43 views
70^th SHY YETI OUT IN THE NEW FOREST = 42 views
71^st SHY YETI LIVE - 18/11/2008 = 40 views
72^nd MY DOG IN A DRESS = 37 views
=73^rd THE TRUE LIGHT = 35 views
=73^rd THINGS AIN'T... = 35 views
=75^th SHY YETI GOES BUSHY = 31 views
=75^th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR... – PART 2 = 31 views
77^th GOOD HUG = 27 views
=78^th DAREDEVIL = 26 views
=78^th THE SORRY TALE... = 26 views
=80^th SHY YETI ON RADIO FOR VALENTINE’S = 24 views
=80^th RECKLESSLY = 24 views
82^nd THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR... – PART 1 = 23 views
=83^rd A VOICE IN HIS HEAD = 21 views
=83^rd SHY YETI TAKES (A TRIP) TO BATH = 21 views

This post and its contents is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.