TRY NOT TO GET YOURSELF TRAPPED IN THIS POST...

A NEW PIECE CALLED "TAKING THE LIFT"...

Hello beasties!

This week I have a new prose piece for you - it was inspired mostly by the lift at work and by the idea that this lift might have a life of its own... I wasn't 100% sure where the story was going to go until I started writing it; initially it was going to be about a man who had this communication with the lift and then eventually decided to use it to help him end his life - but then I came up with the added twist. Anyway. Read it and see what you think.

Moving on, for those of you who missed it - last weekend I launched a rather unexpected barrage of new material. The two posts which contains links to a new podcast episode, photos, prose and a new Shy Yeti sketch are as follows:

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2016_06_05_archive.html

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2016_06_12_archive.html

I've also been busy recording interviews for THE SHY LIFE PODCAST. I did one with my old school friend Harry F where we discussed everything from French and Saunders to how I once dressed Harry up to look like a very cheap robot for an episode of Sutton Park. We talked so much that there is enough to spread it across two episodes. I've also recorded a lot of other bits and pieces - and discovered that it's quite fun to just sit on the train or the bus and talk into the phone as if you're making a call, but in fact I'm chatting to the listeners. Even going back to when I was recording my poetry albums I enjoyed recording in different locations - both outdoors and in - partly to get the different sound qualities. Also, it allows me to record when I'm out and about - rather like I did when I was filming SUTTON PARK; but recording a podcast is rather more unobtrusive that blundering about with a lot of props and bizarre puppets.

In forthcoming episodes of the podcast I have also had a go at recording a monologue that appeared on this blog back in February, concerning one of my characters talking about her trip to Nice and I've tinkered with the sound a bit to give myself a slightly more feminine sounding voice. It still does sound kind of odd - but it's probably better than me just playing the character in my own voice. This also gave me the idea to record the first of my SHY YETI sketches - which also first appeared here on the blog. Again, in the first episode I have played all the characters - but just modulated the voices slightly. In later episodes I might find that I'm able to get one or two of my friends to play some of the other characters - but we'll see how it goes. It would be nice to have audio versions of the sketches, as well as having them available in print. Another on-going project!!

Episode 5 is now available - with the first half of Harry's interview and the Nice sketch amongst other things - details, as follows:

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 5: IT'S "NICE" TO BE NOSTALGIC

In which Mr Yeti attempts to present a monologue and talks about school days with Harry!

Episode FIVE!! We're longer still this week!! This time we have a monologue which first appeared on this blog - both Dameus and Yeti Uncle John are back to make comment. Our special guest is one of my oldest friends, Harry; this is part one of a two part interview where we chat about our school days, making films together and our shared music and TV favourites. Speaking of which, I also have a bit of a natter about what I've currently been watching! Thanks to Harry for speaking with me - we'll be back before the end of the month... Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments. The music was by Shy Yeti. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. Episode 5 was recorded between the 12th and the 14th June 2016.

Soundcloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-5-its-nice-to-be-nostalgic

This episode can also be downloaded from iTunes, Acast and also directly from libsyn.

As far as future podcasts go, I have a number of other guests lined up - for instance I hope to interview my poet-side-kick, John Smallshaw - most probably when we are getting ready for our show in July. I'm also hoping to go on local radio again soon - not to mention chatting with a lady to whom I am affectionately known as "hubby number one..." I will also be interviewing some guests from my home town - somebody who I currently work with - not to mention interviewing my first overseas guest and also presenting you with a little drama during August, to be recorded when I'm away in Kent. So there is quite a lot lined up to get us well into double figures, episode wise.

Before we go...

The photos in this post were taken in Guildford on Saturday 21st May 2016. I didn't do any recording that day, but I think the photos came out nicely; so I hope you like them too... I'm pretty sure that there's far too many photos of me on this blog - so I think you deserve some true beauty instead this time.

Next time I should have a new Shy Yeti script for you and the week after that; well, we'll be thinking about July's Poetry Café  show - and there will be probably be further podcast episodes to tell you about too.

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Just to let you know... TAKING THE LIFT was written between Monday 9th May and Friday 10th June 2016, with formatting and brief rewrites taking place until the date of publication.

TAKING THE LIFT

I lose count how many times I've been told off for taking the lift...

You should walk... 

It's lazy...

You should take the stairs... 

It's better for you...

I never used to feel that way -

I knew a man who had a heart attack because he insisted on walking the six floor to his office every day...

That never helped him...

So, I was always quite against the stairs -

I was all for the lift...

I made my own choices -

But they've changed over time...

But it has less to do with health;

More peace of mind...

It's a strange tale I must tell...

A story of symbiosis - of man and machine...

Don't believe me - you don't have to...

But at very least, please bear with me to the end...

You see I've worked here in this building so long -

That I truly feel that I know it well...

When I say "know it", I mean it too -

As well as I know any person -

To the point that I can almost communicate with it...

And this is particularly the case with the lift...

It almost seems to know when I'm coming...

It's doors open to greet me -

"It's the door sensor..." claimed my colleague, Charlotte -

But I know full well that it's not worked in years...

There's no telling her, of course; ever the sceptic!

Sometimes, when I pass the lift but do not intend to travel...

The doors will open hopefully and I feel bad!

I apologise and give a wave -

Sometimes I've even taken a journey just for journey's sake...

To keep the lift happy...

For when sad it simply shuts down; it definitely has moods...

Not just moods - but it makes noises;

It's stomach murmurs and grumbles like it's hungry...

I really think it might be too...

Between you and I -

Sometimes I have deliberately sent people to use the lift -

When they didn't actually need to...

Mostly just having the people inside it keeps the lift happy...

It usually seems to ease those hunger pangs; stops the grumbles.

But once I sent some visitors to the top floor -

And they never arrived...

They never emerged - not at all...

Who knows what became of them...

I try not to think too hard about it...

It's easier to turn a blind eye...

I've had dreams of that lift before...

It's what has led me here today...

I would say that it was less a dream and more a vision...

A vision of what is perhaps meant to come...

You see, life just wasn't holding the joy that once it had for me...

I'd been looking for a way out for quite some time;

Just not had the strength to make that final step...

My vision had given me the answer though;

Had set out clearly the most obvious solution...

To let the lift help me on my way...

In my mind I imagined one final journey...

I saw myself walking to the lift...

The doors opening automatically...

"Take me to the top..." I hear myself say, pressing no buttons.

"Take me to the very top..."

We travel up - and time passes quickly...

Then when we reach our destination...

I sigh - then I speak again.

"Drop me..." and drop me it does...

So, I was ready to live this vision for real...

Standing there; having boarded the lift on the ground floor -

This time I wasn't dreaming - although I felt numb...

Slightly dizzy, as I allowed it to take me to the top...

The words poised on my lips...

"Drop... Drop... Drop me down!"

Only, it was right then that the doors opened...

There before me stood the Top Man and his party of delegates...

I say nothing, just get out of the way...

Instinctively knowing I that there is not enough room for us all...

I must give up my space for these visitors...

This is not the moment for me to take my final journey...

Only... only... Words hang from my lip -

And as I step from the lift I hear them slip...

"Drop... Drop... Drop me down!"

The words are said; the visitors have passed me...

The doors have closed behind me...

Too late... Too late...

Only in a way it made me realise how precious life is...
How throwing one's life away needlessly isn't to be recommended...
I mean, sometimes there is no escaping it; no going back...
One must do what one must do - I'm not judging...
Only for me - well, this experience pulled me back from the edge...
It's very trite of me to say so, but...
There is always somebody worse off than you are...
The Top Man and his delegates, for one...
Still... For me this experience helped me through my darkness...
It made me re-evaluate my priorities...
I'm grateful for what the lift taught me -
It both got me into trouble and saved my life...

Needless to say, I now take the stairs...

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON ONE IS HERE!!!

KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON 1 RELEASED!


Hello beasties!

As of today the first season of KENSINGTON GORE is released - my second script series of 2016! It's time to celebrate... Okay, well - you've not read it yet - so maybe it's a bit soon; but I'll be in a corner somewhere celebrating with Deeley, as I'm just very pleased that it's out there and available! *launches some doves and a balloon or two*

KENSINGTON GORE focuses on a trio of friends who care-take a mysterious apartment block in the Kensington Gore area of London. They are Katrina, Warren and Lucy (who also featured in THE BEAST OF FRIENDS script-series) and on this occasion their troubles come from a herd of vampire cows and also from an infamous serial killer! New jobs are never easy; especially when you could end up dead!                

Hardback Ed: http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/kensington-gore-season-one/hardcover/product-22663909.html £14.99

Paperback Ed: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/kensington-gore---season-one/18237784 £7.99

Coming up next are some extracts from the new series. I hope they work as a tantalising glimpse of what's in store - without giving too much away!

EXTRACT FROM SCRIPT ONE:

VAMPIRE COWS MAKE VERY BAD PETS...

WARREN: (not sounding too pleased)

I’m not planning on a late night! Anyway, I’ve been thinking… Mother told me recently that most vampires have a way of resisting the sun… Is she right?

KATRINA: (in agreement, but disapproving)

She is indeed – certainly from what I’ve heard… It’s progress – for them, not us!

WARREN:

But your cows; they’re not going to be quite so technologically advanced, I take it?

KATRINA:

No… I don’t suppose so… Are you trying to say that they’ll come home when the sun comes up? Because if you are then I’m afraid you’ve forgotten something…

WARREN: (curious)

Oh yes and what’s that then?

KATRINA:

Well, they’re not fully vampire any more – in fact they’re as good as back to normal except for the odd half-hearted attempt at turning themselves into bats…

WARREN:

Well, one way or another we still need to round up the herd…

KATRINA: (thoughtfully, in agreement)

For sure! We’ll do it… But maybe it is going to be too dark to look properly now – I think perhaps we should come back at dawn and try and round up the cows then…

WARREN:

That sounds a much better idea! Just as long as they don’t chew anyone over-night!

KATRINA: (slightly irritated)

Don’t be silly… No! None of them have fangs… They can cause no harm…

WARREN: (sounding confident)

Okay! If you say so… You know best! (mutters) I hope you know best…

THE TWO WALK AWAY AND WE SEE THE PARK AT DUSK – ONE OF THE VAMPIRE COWS STANDS EATING IN THE MOONLIGHT AND AS IT DOES SO HER GUMS UNDERGO A RAPID TRANSFORMATION – SHE IS NO LONGER WITHOUT HER FANGS FOR THEY HAVE COMPLETELY GROWN BACK…

COW: (bovinely)

MOOOO! MOOOOO! MOO! MOO! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

EXTRACT FROM SCRIPT THREE:

THAT MAN'S MAKING EYES AT ME

DOWN BY THE SERPENTINE WARREN AND KATRINA ARE RELIEVED TO FIND THE AREA WHERE THE COWS ARE COMPLETELY DESERTED...

WARREN: (wrinkling his nose in disgust)

Oh my goodness… I think I trod in something nasty…

KATRINA: (growing increasingly nervous)

Don’t think about it… Come on… They seem calm enough – let’s herd them home! They can’t fly there because they’ve all had their wings docked… Although I must admit – they do appear to be growing them back at rather a rapid speed…

COWS: (in unison): MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

KATRINA: (speaking to the cows)

Yes… Thank you… I hear you… Let’s just get you back somewhere safe…

WARREN: (curious/excited)

Do you actually understand them, Katrina?

KATRINA: (slightly impatiently)

What do you take me for? Doctor Doolittle? No, I don’t… I’m busking it…

WARREN:

So… What you were saying earlier… Has somebody actually done this to these cows? Turned back what you reversed so they are back being dangerous again…

KATRINA:

Something like that… Although I have no idea how stable they are – or unstable I should probably say… Oh dear! Come on now girls… Let’s keep going…

WARREN: (growing concerned again)

Oh blimey… This isn’t good… Look ahead… This is the last thing we need right now – what are we going to do about this? Eden is going to murder us!

KATRINA LOOKS UP AND COMING TOWARDS THEM DOWN THE ROAD, ABOUT TO PARK IN THE ADJACENT CAR PARK IS THE SAME COACH THAT LUCY RECENTLY SAW PASSING BY THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL. SUDDENLY THE COWS BECOME AGITATED – THEY ARE NO LONGER HEADING THE WAY THAT KATRINA AND WARREN WERE TRYING TO DIRECT THEM, BUT INSTEAD ARE NOW COMING STRAIGHT FOR THE COACH OF TOURISTS…

COWS: MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

EXTRACT FROM SCRIPT FIVE:

EVEN THE GUILTY ARE INNOCENT SOMETIMES

MEANWHILE ELSEWHERE… KATRINA AND DR MATT AND THEIR DRIVER ARE TRAVELLING IN ONE OF TWO BIG LORRIES FULL OF COWS… KATRINA AND MATT ARE SITTING UP BACK SO ARE ABLE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE COWS, ALTHOUGH THEY HAVE LIMITED VISION OF WHERE THEY ARE – STILL, THERE IS EVEN A MINI-KITCHEN, WHICH IS RATHER NICE…

KATRINA: (her voice trembling slightly)

Well, there is no denying it – this is a sad day; but it’s definitely for the best…

DR MATT: (reassuring)

You’re doing the sensible thing – the only option we really have… We’ll get these cows well again, that’s the main thing – important for the cows and important for the tourists of London who we don’t want becoming their innocent victims…

KATRINA: (sadly)

It makes them sound so very cruel when you put it that way; but they don’t know what they’re doing! I’m still concerned that we don’t know who re-infected them!

DR MATT: (sounding deadly serious)

That’s understandable… You need to be careful if you want to investigate that though – not only might it lose you your job, but it could get you killed…

KATRINA: (slightly cockily)

I am a witch, you know… Nobody can just kill me – I’d put a spell on you…

DR MATT: (playfully)

What if they crept up behind you? Or pounced on you whilst you were sleeping?

KATRINA: (pretending to be insulted)

I’d know! I have witches intuition! Every witch has it…

DR MATT: (distracted)

That’s odd…

KATRINA:

What is? That a witch would have intuition? No… It’s perfectly normal! In fact I probably have women’s intuition too – women’s intu-witch-tion, if you like!

DR MATT: (laughing, but distant)

That’s an appalling pun, Katy… No… I actually meant – why have we stopped?

KATRINA: (dreamily)

We have? Traffic jam, maybe… Perhaps you should go and check with Robbo – that’s the driver, right? Whilst you’re there will you also ask if he’s single, please?

DR MATT: (slightly wary)

I think he is, yes… (Katrina makes an excited face) His wife ran off with the milkman… I believe it was the lure of discount yoghurts what did it in the end…

KATRINA:

Fair enough, I suppose! I’d do it for as much free double cream as I could bathe in!

DR MATT: (pretending to be disgusted)

Eww! Katrina…You’re nasty… Was that a euphemism? Isn’t double cream lumpy?

KATRINA: (laughing)

What? Why? No, it wasn’t a euphemism! I like my cream stiff, I’ll have you know!

MATT GOES TO THE FRONT OF THE VAN TO SEE WHY THEY HAVE STOPPED – IT IS STILL DAYLIGHT, BUT THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. THERE IS NO SIGN OF ROBBO – HIS DOOR STANDS OPEN… MATT PEEKS OUT AND IS SHOCKED TO SEE ROBBO BEING HELD AT GUN-POINT BY A MAN WEARING A MOTOR-CYCLE HELMET. THERE IS SHOUTING AND ROBBO TRIES TO ESCAPE… A GUN-FIRES AND HE FALLS TO THE GROUND, DEAD… MATT BACKS AWAY FEARFULLY – ABOUT TO WARN KATRINA WHEN ANOTHER MAN IN A HELMET APPEARS BEHIND HIM, RAISES HIS GUN AND CLUBS MATT ROUGHLY TO THE GROUND…

ANONYMOUS HI-JACKER: (looming over the cowering doctor)

We’re here for the cows – we hope you don’t object – there’s no sense in anyone important getting hurt; but we’re proud to take ownership of these mooing beasts!

KATRINA: (watching angrily from the shadows)

So… You think you can just take my cows… Then you’ve another thing coming, Mister… Bring it on… You’re no match for me – whoever you are…

THE TRUCK STARTS UP – THE MAN WHO SHOT ROBBO IS DRIVING AND HE CLIPS THE BODY AS THEY LEAVE – WE SEE IT DISAPPEAR OVER A RISE – BUT EVEN FROM A DISTANCE WE HEAR THE MOOING OF THE COWS…

Don't forget - my 12-track "lost" 2012 recording, THE KISS ME QUICK E.P. has just been released on Bandcamp at: https://shyyeti.bandcamp.com/album/the-kiss-me-quick-e-p and is available for just £2.

I was only going to post twice a week during April - but I still have a slight backlog, so let's see how things go until I go away at the end of the month. With that in mind I am pleased to be able to announce that next time - probably Wednesday - I intend to share with you some new prose... All I am saying is that our next post is cat-related and that the post after that will most probably be another Shy Yeti sketch...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Before we go - just an update on where I stand on some of my other writing projects.

SHY YETI PROJECTS UPDATE - MAY 2016:

Books published today: 

KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON 1 

Books in formatting: 

HOT STUFF - 2, KENSINGTON GORE - 2, BEAST OF FRIENDS - MOVIE

Books awaiting formatting: 

HOT STUFF - SEASON 3, KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON 3

Books currently being written: 

HOT STUFF!! SEASON 4, THE SHY YETI SKETCH-BOOK

HOT STUFF!! SEASON 4 is almost completed in first draft and THE SHY YETI SKETCH-BOOK is a new collection of scripts about Shy Yeti - some of which have already been published on this blog. I am aiming to release a collection of these later in the year.

Pending projects: 

The next Mouse Of Commons book of short stories and novel... Date of publishing: Unknown.

Future projects: 

SHY YETI'S GRRR-EASTEST HITS, GETTING BLOGGY WITH SHY YETI

The first is a revised and compiled volume of all my favourite self-written poems over the last 25 years and the second is an on-going projects of new poems and stories as published on this blog between January 2015 and December 2016. Both projects will hopefully be released in Spring 2017.

I am also soon to begin work on HOT STUFF!! SEASON 5 and KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON 4

Projects published in 2016, so far: 

HOT STUFF - SEASON 1, A YETI WAY OF THINKING, THE KISS-ME-QUICK E.P.

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

KENSINGTON GORE - COMING SOONER!!

KENSINGTON GORE - THE STORY OF SEASON 1...

Hello beasties!

This post, the first of two this week - we continue our close look at my new script book - KENSINGTON GORE, which is due out on Sunday 1st May 2016... We're going to be looking at some of the plot threads that make up this new story.

KENSINGTON GORE – SEASON ONE

SCRIPT 1:  VAMPIRE COWS MAKE VERY BAD PETS

Warren is none too pleased when Katrina brings back vampire cows from their latest trip. He and Lucy are busy watching as new tenants move into The Gore flats and although everything looks normal their boss orders them to take a closer look…

SCRIPT 2:  GETTING TO KNOW THE NEIGHBOURS

Lucy and Warren meet the new tenants, a frightened-looking family whose children appear to hold a sinister control over them. Despite Katrina’s claims that the vampire cows are safe, a small group of them attack a defenceless secretary out on Hyde Park.

SCRIPT 3:  THAT MAN’S MAKING EYES AT ME

Lucy gets chatted up twice in one day – once by a new tenant and once by a man named Jack who has just opened up a flower stall locally. They soon learn that all of the vampire cows have been tampered with and that more tourists are in danger.

SCRIPT 4:  PUTTING THE MOO INTO MOVING

Lucy stands up to those who menace her, whilst Jack helps to round up escaped vampire cows. Dr Matt Simmons, a warlock friend of Katrina’s, has a theory – Warren’s mother comes to visit, whilst Lucy goes on a disturbingly bizarre date…

SCRIPT 5:  EVEN THE GUILTY ARE INNOCENT SOMETIMES

Jack tells his truth – whilst Ashley has surprising truths about the mysterious Eddie Eden. Lucy attempts to have a private word with Pat, whilst Warren has an unexpected guest. Katrina takes a trip, but on the way something dreadful occurs.

SCRIPT 6:  GOOD TO TALK

Lucy discusses ghosts, Warren does research, Jack is confronted and Pat has news of her own. Dr Matt is held hostage and Katrina hides – whilst Michael breaks down in front of Warren and Copernicus with some revelations of his own…

SCRIPT 7:  MANY THINGS GO BADLY WRONG

Katrina and Matt face their captor whilst Warren turns to an unlikely person for help. Copernicus meets two of his colleagues in a local graveyard – whilst Lucy is confronted by Jack before she takes an unfortunate tumble. A good man dies…

SCRIPT 8: TEARS OF THE LIVING - TEARS OF THE DEAD

Lucy struggles to figure out who she should trust, whilst Ashley has a solution that may bring two old friends back from the dead... There is also a new resident at Kensington Gore who has a very curious collection.

Before we go I'd like to remind you about A YETI WAY OF THINKING, that was published a couple of weeks ago. It's been selling well, so I'd like to thank everyone who's bought it so far for supporting me and also to THE BEARGRRIAN GAZETTE for making it their book of the week for the third week in a row.

A YETI WAY OF THINKING contains over 80 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between Autumn 2012 and Summer 2014. They include: ARE THEY AWARE I’M A WEREWOLF?, GIN GOBLINS, INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS, I USED TO BE A TEN, MYSTERY HEN, ONION MAN, PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS, TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI, YOU’LL DO and many more…

Pbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/a-yeti-way-of-thinking/18213326 £8.99

Hbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/a-yeti-way-of-thinking/18214369 £14.99

I hope you enjoy the new book!

Next time - we have a new Shy Yeti sketch which tells of what happened when Mr Yeti went to complain about excessive parakeet noise outside his bedroom window... In the post after that I'll be sharing with you some photos taken last month to help promote both KENSINGTON GORE and A YETI WAY OF THINKING - it's all go, I promise you!

Anyway, until then, that's about it for now - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016, except graffiti photos - copyright Toby W, 2016.

KENSINGTON GORE - COMING SOON!

KENSINGTON GORE - THE CHARACTERS...

Hello beasties!

This week - in the first of two posts - it's time to look at another of my projects that is almost ready to  release. It's the third project that I have completed and published, so far, in 2016 - although I've been working on it for nearly 18 months. Each of these projects is its own little world and hopefully one of them will appeal to you, dear reader.

This post we are looking at the characters that feature in this newest projects, KENSINGTON GORE... As with HOT STUFF!! it is a script novel - the first of a series, although it is possible to read it in its own right without knowing any of the recurring characters, some of whom also appeared in my BEAST OF FRIENDS series which reached its conclusion last year.

I'm excited to announce that this new project will be released on Sunday 1st May 2016...

KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON 1...

Here we present the names of those involved in the events that feature during the following scripts:

Warren Helix

Warren comes from a very weird family – whilst he himself is pretty normal fellow! He will also be familiar to those readers who followed THE BEAST OF FRIENDS series.

Katrina Hortensia

Katrina is a white witch – although in the past she was quite the hell-raiser… She will also be familiar to those readers who followed THE BEAST OF FRIENDS series.

Lucy Stammers

Lucy is the third member of the team – a level-headed tough nut in her mid-20s. She appeared in the forth and final season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS and also began dating Colin just before his untimely death.

Sir Eddie Eden

The mysterious man from the Ministry – also Warren, Lucy and Katrina’s boss.

Ashley Helix

Warren’s mother – she can be a menace at times, but has a great deal of influence…

Pat and Michael Jenkins

New tenants who have moved into The Gore with their sinister, ghostly children…

Copernicus Smith

A ghost and also a friend of the team – he is quite an admirer of Warren’s…

Jack Archer

Turns up working in the area with his eye firmly on Lucy – he has a lot of secrets...

Dr Matt Simmons

A doctor friend of Katrina’s who is called in to help with her vampire cow collection...

P.J.

A telepathic friend of Lucy’s who works in the local bar – The Disgruntled Yak. He only makes a brief appearance during season one - but will return in later seasons...

Lombardo Braithwaite

A gentleman who is very much interested in getting his hands on the vampire cows.

Adrianna

A mysterious tenant of The Gore flats who will play a big part in the 2nd season...

Next time we'll be looking at aspects of the actual plot of this first season of KENSINGTON GORE - without giving away too many spoilers...
 

Before we go I'd like to remind you about A YETI WAY OF THINKING, that was published a couple of weeks ago. It's been selling well, so I'd like to thank everyone who's bought it so far for supporting me and also to THE BEARGRRIAN GAZETTE for making it their book of the week for the third week in a row.

A YETI WAY OF THINKING contains over 80 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between Autumn 2012 and Summer 2014. They include: ARE THEY AWARE I’M A WEREWOLF?, GIN GOBLINS, INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS, I USED TO BE A TEN, MYSTERY HEN, ONION MAN, PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS, TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI, YOU’LL DO and many more…

Pbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/a-yeti-way-of-thinking/18213326 £8.99

Hbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/a-yeti-way-of-thinking/18214369 £14.99

I hope you enjoy the new book!

That's about it for this time - I'll be back with something new on Wednesday - so check back then, please, if you have time as I have a new prose piece for you... It's slightly sinister too!! 

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

A "NICE" WAY TO SAY GOODBYE...

ONLY THIS TIME WE'RE IN MONTE-CARLO...

Hello beasties!

This week we're all about photos here on the blog - there's certainly a lot less text this week! The photos are a continuation from my Nice trip from late January; but on this occasion mostly from my day-trip to Monaco and Monte-Carlo, which is also where the prose piece at the end is set - there are also a few pictures from our slightly less successful day in Cannes.

First up we have those photos from Monaco... See if you can spot me attempting to promote my latest book - it was the only photo I took with it the whole time I was away. It didn't help that I brought an earlier, incomplete version of with the wrong cover! Oh yeti... You blithering idiot you! 

Following that we have a few photos from Cannes, including a number of the hand-prints of stars who were once applauded there for their talents.

Anyway... Let me set the scene for the prose piece to come!

I hope you enjoyed the photos - before we go I have a short prose piece which is set in Monte-Carlo and was written between the 25th January and the 8th February 2016... It's a little black-humoured, but I'm sure you expect no less from me! Enjoy!

Next time, next week or maybe the week after -  I hope to have more information about my next volume of poems and stories, the long-awaited (by me at least!), A YETI WAY OF THINKING...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

MONTE-CARLO AFTERNOONS...

Monte-Carlo afternoons -

Bring all manner of surprises...

They say keep your friends close -
But always keep your enemies closer...
It makes sense - don't you agree!?
Especially when you're one of the holidaying well-off...
Everyone wants a piece of you, some literally -
Envisaging your brain in a bell-jar on their mantel-piece, pride of place.
It's not just fans, but also those who know you best who may take that chance!
A small gin and tonic after lunch -
May contain just a spot of sparkling cyanide...
Beware that freshly run bath...
Relax... It won't take long before death kicks in...
A gentle push and you'll soon find yourself nestling beneath the foam...
All over the town things like this are secretly happening...
Meanwhile nearby, on a balcony, thirteen floors up -
A bunched fist collides with the stubbly jaw of an ex-lover...
Inevitable really - when the pressure gets too much - what must be must be...
You can't have the wife finding out what's been going on...
One more punch and your blackmailer will be over the balcony-edge...
It'll leave a mess - but it won't be you getting the hoover out...
After all - only an idiot would let the chance to cover-up pass them by...
Fight for your right to successfully deceive; don't take no for an answer...
Don't fall for just any cheap trick and may the best bitch win!
For every dalliance has an equal and opposite reaction -
There's no such thing as fun without sacrifice;
It's just not always you who need suffer for it...
It was a wiser person than I that once said...
"Back-stabbing is an art in itself - so get those knives sharpened..."
It is a bad killer who blames their tools...
But there is nothing worse than murder with a rusty blade -
A gun left without bullets or a rope too weak to take the weight...
You've only yourself to blame for that!
Still, what have you to lose when the sun is out...
Stay happy and keep plotting is the maxim of the idle rich...
Never share your secrets; for they are your treasures...
Meanwhile, elsewhere - out at sea...
Another corpse falls back into the ocean -
During a busy moment during another hedonistic party...
Gay divorcees and faithless clergy pose seductively on street-corners...
They think they're clever - think they know best...
They're all just showing off - infested with untamed rivalry...
Smart Alec's with nothing better to do with their time...
Up on the hillside above the city young lovers contemplate suicide and smile...
It's better than a life spent snoring by the pool...
Some people have ambitions of immortality; one way or another...

Monte-Carlo afternoons -

Bring all manner of surprises...

 

This post and all contents are Copyright, Paul Chandler 2016.