YETI HIGHLIGHTS FROM 2017

MY CREATIVE ANTICS DURING 2017!!

Hello beasties...

Originally I had planned to go into great detail on all my creative projects for 2017 - but as I did so much (especially in podcasting avenue!) it just got a bit out of hand to be doing links to every episode and all the various bits and pieces that are here on the blog! I did it in 2016 and it was a nice post to present - but I let myself down in 2017 and didn't keep it updated and now 2018 has started...  I don't have the time! (cries!) Anyway - I'm going to talk about some of the projects that I've worked on during 2017, but first I'll tell you about some of the most recent episodes of the podcast...

Here is the last of our truly Christmassy episodes - although as we put out so many episodes around this time that Christmas creeps into a lot of the shows that came out towards the end of 2017 - and my first couple of 2018! Anyway...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 133: TWO XMAS DAY SHOWS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

Here we are for episode 133 as we go LIVE on Pride48 on Christmas Day to see how everyone is doing! Santa is in the chat-room, Toppie Smellie is keeping in touch and Cromitty, Yeti Uncle John and Charlie Grrr are helping Paul out with some amateur dramatics! There is also extra material in the form of highlights from Tim Mitchell's Radio Wey Christmas Day Show - transmitted, but not recorded on Christmas Day and which Yeti Uncle John and Mr Yeti were part of! Our next episode, number 134 is coming soon - but we're not quite sure which one it'll be! (Mr Yeti has a cold and a lack of decent internet!) All the same do please join us, won't you? Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk with any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it! The music is by Shy Yeti, Luca and The Seaford Singers (17/18 Model). All content - except for Nathan J's contributions - is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 133 was recorded on 25th December 2017, with extra material recorded on 9th December 2017. Thanks to Tim Mitchell and Nathan Jones for the use of material from our Radio Wey Christmas Show.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

133: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-133-two-christmas-day-shows-for-the-price-of-one

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 134: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PODCAST REVIEW OF 2017!!

Here we are for episode 134 as Toppie Smellie joins me to review the year's output of SHY LIFE PODCAST episodes! Ikk is also on hand to help out!! There is lots of natter and lots of clips! What more could one want for an episode? Thank you to Toppie for all his help during this episode and also to everyone who has appeared on the show or helped out during 2017! Thank you also to all our listeners for their support! Next episode we'll be celebrating New Year's Eve LIVE on Pride48! Do please join us if you can - or catch up with the podcast release of the episode when it emerges in early 2018. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. All content is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 134 was recorded between 18th November and 23rd December 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

134: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-134-shy-yetis-incredible-podcast-review-of-2017

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 135: SHY YETI BIDS FAREWELL TO 2017!!

Here we are for episode 135 as Mr Yeti says his goodbyes to 2017 with help from Yeti Uncle John, Cromitty and The Chat-room. Ikk is also on hand - but it soon becomes evident that the evening may not be as much of a celebration as everyone was hoping! We also have extra material - a behind the scenes segment, a creepy Christmas story and an out-take from The Radio Wey Christmas Special with Tim and Nathan. Thank you to Paul H for his seasonal message and also to my team - all my guests and to all you listeners for your support during 2017!! May 2018 be another successful year! Next episode we'll be catching up with Bettina - with a little flashback to her past, amongst other things... Do please join us, won't you?! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. All content is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 135 was performed live just before 11pm on 31st December 2017, into the first few minutes of the new year - 1st January 2018. The extra material was recorded in late November and also between the 8th and 9th December 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

135: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-135-shy-yeti-bids-farewell-to-2017

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 136: THE PAST! THE PRESENT! THE FUTURE...

Here we are for episode 136 and we look back into the past with Bettina and Cromitty - reflect on current matters with Ikk and Paul and consider the future with Yeti Uncle John and Dameus Twinklehorn. Thank you to Toppie Smellie for allowing me to include a near-complete version of episode 450 of The Smellcast as part of this episode. Our next edition, number 137 sees Paul back in Salisbury talking to a very old friend who we've not previously spoken with! Do join us, won't you?! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Episode 136 was recorded on the 2nd January 2018, with archive clips recorded between 1992 and 2017! Episode 450 of The Smellcast was originally released on the 11th August 2017 and was entitled "The Life And Times Of Betsy and Tootsie", it is Copyright Toppie Smellie, 2017. All other content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2018.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

136: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-136-the-past-the-present-the-future

We've pretty much got the first two months of the 2018 season of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST either in the can or part-recorded - well, other than the live episodes, of course!

Whilst I'm at it you may wish to click on this link - it's my updated website where you can find all the episodes of the podcast in one place:

http://shyyeti.libsyn.com

Returning to the blog itself - I made the slightly unfortunate decision to change the background theme back in the autumn - I'm not really sure that I intended to, but before I knew it - it was done and I couldn't reverse it. Unfortunately this has messed with a lot of how the blog is viewed going back over past years - but I've tried to make the 2017 ones, at least follow the new format and will hopefully go back over the older posts eventually.

2017 was my 15th year of this blog and I continued to post on it regularly - usually about once a week... I won't be presenting a long list of these or of the podcasts - especially as I have just presented my SHY LIFE PODCAST Review Of The Year for 2017 and you can take a listen to that instead! I did publish a number of new stories and poems here on the blog - but they'll be released soon as part of my next collection of prose and poetry, so if you've not read them already you may end up doing so when the new book comes out in the Spring/Summer.

The following are the books that I published this year:

SHY YETI BOOKS PUBLISHED DURING 2017

This year I released the following new titles - all of which I'd been working on for a number of years.

FEBRUARY

YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

We join Horner, Warren, Katrina and Colin as they head to Italy on an all-expenses-paid trip to Venice! But there is trouble in store – murder, in fact! What can be done? Who is to blame? Who will be “got at” next? The Beast Crew try to help whilst trying to avoid getting “bumped off” themselves!

Paperback Edition: £8.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/paperback/product-23078113.html

Hardback Edition: £13.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/hardcover/product-23078067.html

If you'd like to read a scene or two from my book - YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS - a "lost" BEAST OF FRIENDS script-book, then I also posted about that during February when it was released: http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2017_02_19_archive.html

AUGUST

August saw me finally releasing the second seasons of these series - the adventures continue...

HOT STUFF!! - SEASON TWO

Here we present season two of HOT STUFF!!, in which the past rolls back to cause trouble for those who work in Spectrum  Library. There are a couple of new arrivals, one who may be undead and another who may be the reincarnation of the old head librarian! It's all go... What is more, one of the staff is being haunted by the ghost of his dead wife... (144 pages)

Pbk:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/hot-stuff-season-two/paperback/product-23255432.html £7.99

Hbk:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/hot-stuff-season-two/hardcover/product-23257940.html £15.99

There is a scene from this new season of HOT STUFF in the following post: http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2017_07_30_archive.html#4211328425673548397

KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON TWO

KENSINGTON GORE focuses on a trio of friends who care-take a mysterious apartment block in the Kensington Gore area of London. They are Katrina, Warren and Lucy (who also featured in THE BEAST OF FRIENDS script-series) and on this occasion their troubles come from a mysterious lady called Adrianna and also from a ruthless vampire called Lombardo Braithwaite who intends to cause murderous havoc! (144 pages)

Pbk:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/kensington-gore-season-two/paperback/product-23255394.html  £7.99

Hbk:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/kensington-gore-season-two/hardcover/product-23265841.html  £15.99

There is a scene from this new season of KENSINGTON GORE in the following post: http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2017_07_16_archive.html#1930145669208407067

APPEARANCES ON OTHER SHOWS...

During 2017 I sent recorded messages to THE SMELLCAST, BIG FATTY ONLINE, VERA SPEAKS... FOR REAL, TASTES LIKE BURNING and also recorded a number of articles for ROUND THE ARCHIVES - answering questions on Cult TV and doing articles on Bergerac and the 1974 Dr Who story, Invasion Of The Dinosaurs. I also made two appearances on L.O.T.S.L. during the year. I also made a number of appearances on Radio with Tim and Nathan - and one appearance on Radio Woking, also with Tim and all of these appearances made it into SHY LIFE PODCAST episodes during 2017; with Yeti Uncle John even showing up to help out on our Christmas edition.

PROJECTS I'VE BEEN WORKING ON...

This year I've been working on the following projects - those starred projects (*) I hope will be my main releases in 2018.

*HOT STUFF - season 3
 HOT STUFF - season 5 (plans for season 6)
*KENSINGTON GORE - season 3
 KENSINGTON GORE - season 4
 THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - lost season
*THE SHY YETI SCRIPTS
*SHY YETI GOES BLOGGY

I've also been working on a book about the first 100 episodes of the podcast - but I've only got up to episode 19, so far!

I think that's about it for 2017 - although I'm sure there will be something I've forgotten! Sorry, it's not in as much detail as I did for 2016 - but I'm sure it's actually quite enough detail for most people!

Next time I'll be presenting to you the first poem that I've completed in quite some time - it's called BITE - that's all I can say for now!!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2018.

A LITTLE SHOW (OR TWO) FOR HALLOWEEN...

MAYBE EVEN TWO LITTLE SPOOKY SHOWS!!

Hello beasties!

This week I am very happy to be able to release a new podcast episode - or maybe two... The first is our official Halloween episode, which I actually recorded back in April, well in advance of Halloween...

Why so early?

The only reason, I suppose, was that I was staying in a slightly spooky house and it seemed as good a reason as any to channel the spookiness of the location! In fact you may remember that I recorded at the same location a number of times in the past...

So here we are - this is the finished episode, as released this weekend......

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 118: SHY YETI'S HORRIBLE HOUSE OF GHOUL... (2017 HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)


Here we are for episode 118 - and it's our 2017 Halloween Special!! This time we head into the countryside to share a scary adventure recorded back in the summer; proving that not all Halloween stories take place in October! Paul and Yeti Uncle John return to a literal(!) old haunt but find that not all the ghosts are welcoming!!! Our next episode, number 119 takes place on an apparently normal day at home for Mr Yeti; but of course nothing is ever completely normal on this show! Do join us, won't you? Thank you to Toppie Smellie from The Smellcast for his help with this episode and also to Andrew T from Round The Archives podcast for his assistance. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Sounds effects by Shy Yeti. Phone by Soundbible. All content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.  Episode 118 was recorded between the 3rd April and 4th October 2017. 

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

118: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-118-shy-yetis-horrible-house-of-ghoul-2017-halloween-special

Our second episode this time is a sort of unofficial Halloween episode - it's set on Halloween when Mr Yeti is at home attempting to kill time before his housemates return; even Deeley is out on the town! In a way it's also a sort of companion piece to our last live episode - episod 116, although you don't have to have heard it to understand what's going on. Here's some more information on it...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 119: HOME ALONE AT HALLOWEEN...


Here we are for episode 119 - where we find Mr Yeti home alone on Halloween night waiting for his flat-mates to come home; even Deeley is out! Paul is glad to have some listeners to spend his time with and there is time for quizzes, stories and some pre-recorded chattered with Nick G. But eventually Paul's mind begins to wander as to what Cromitty is working on in his laboratory - especially those robots that we previously met in our last live episode, #116. What he finds will send shivers of fear through you and that's no word of a lie!! Our next episode, number 120 sees Mr Yeti and the gang trying to cheer up Dameus Twinklehorn - but things do not quite go to plan!! Do join us, won't you? Thank you to Nick Goodman for his help with this episode. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Sounds effects by Shy Yeti. All content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.  Episode 119 was recorded between the 17th and 21st October 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

119: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-119-home-alone-at-halloween

Coming up at the end of this post is the five short scenes that I wrote for our Halloween episode between myself and The Cryptkeeper... They were good fun to write and I've just finished some lines for another episode that is due out towards the end of the year. There is one more script that I aim to finish in the next month or so which will probably become part of one of the first episodes for 2018.

I'm not quite sure when our next post will be as I'll be away next week for my birthday... I'll be taking plenty of photos and probably writing a diary, not to mention recording new episodes. It may be that I do a short post before I go of any podcast episodes that I release between now and then - but we shall see!

To finish with, here is the script of the links that I wrote for Andrew T for our Halloween episode. I hope you enjoy it.

Take care - more soon,

Yeti hugs,

Paul (aka Shy Yeti) xx

CRYPTKEEPER SCENE FOR THE SHY LIFE CAST...

This script was written during late August and early September 2017 to be included as links for THE SHY LIFE PODCAST'S Halloween episode to go alongside pre-recorded scenes for this edition...

SCENE 1

To be played right at the start of the episode...

PAUL: (excitedly-introduction voice)

Hello and welcome to a very exciting edition of The Shy Life Podcast! This one has been waiting for you for a while now - we recorded it on location in April as we really wanted to be prepared. Also we wanted to be different and present to you with a Spring ghost story and...

CRYPTKEEPER: (yokel accent, attempting doom)

Note: Mr Trowby. Please adapt any lines to accommodate additional yokelisms.

Ooh ahh. Excuse me, sir! I'm sorry - but you can't record Halloween podcasts there!

PAUL: (disgruntled)

Really? Says who? You? Who have you come dressed as? A bargain budget grim reaper? My goodness - I've heard of austerity, but this is ridiculous...

CRYPTKEEPER: (somewhat sternly)

No... No... No... That is not the case at all - I'm not the Reaper; Grim is actually my cousin... Boy is that one a show off... Young whipper-snapper - flaunting his oopizootics and flashing his impressive blade about! I swear that one day he's going to have somebody's eye out with that thing!

PAUL: (mellowing slightly)

Good grief! It doesn't bear thinking about! So who are you, exactly?

CRYPTKEEPER: (proudly)

I'm the cryptkeeper, Dorset branch.

PAUL: (doubtful)

Really? You don't sound especially scary? Are you meant to be?

CRYPTKEEPER: (doing his best yokel Brian Blessed impression)

Don't try me, Madame... I say, don't try me... Run the title music!

PAUL: (initially put out and then resignedly, but in his radio voice)

Hey! That's my line... Oh, for goodness... Go on then... You heard the man! Run the title music! (mutters, impressed) Good grief, listeners... His eyes are actually quite hypnotic! Even on audio!!

The Title Music Plays...

SCENE 2

Before things get going...

PAUL: (still doing his confident podcasting voice)

So, there we go... That was the title music! Moving on now - we have a fear packed new episode of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST for you today... and... actually... that does sound a little off-putting when I say it like that... Really... It'll be very enjoyable - but because it's Halloween it'll also be a little scary too, maybe... Well, hopefully, I should say - but - you know - in a good way...

CRYPTKEEPER: (interrupting)

Hello! You do know that you can't do that here, don't you?

PAUL: (put out)

I beg your pardon!?

CRYPTKEEPER: (matter-of-fact)

You do know that you can't do that here - that there podcasting... You can't do it here... All I'm telling you is exactly what I told that last lot...

PAUL: (curious)

The last lot of what!?

CRYPTKEEPER:

Of podcasters... From them there Round The Archives podcast...

PAUL: (excitedly)

Oh, I know them... They're very good... I've been on that show, you know... I did the end theme tune...

CRYPTKEEPER: (mutters to self, but Shy overhears)

That explains a lot...

PAUL: (grumpily)

Hey! Don't be mean! Anyway - how come you get to say who stands here anyway...

CRYPTKEEPER: (forcefully)

It's MY crypt! So please - go on your way... I don't want to have to do to you what I did to your podcasting colleagues...

PAUL: (with concern)

Oh, blimey... What did you do?

CRYPTKEEPER: (sounding quite impressed by his own actions)

I don't want to go into it, but let's just say I had to open up a brand new box of rubber spiders and order extra squirty cobwebs once I was done...

PAUL: (quick to make an exit)

Good grief man! There's no need for talk like that! Alright... Alright... I'm going... I presume there must be another spooky graveyard somewhere around here... Come on listeners... Let's go... Moving on...

SCENE 3

This occurs somewhere near the middle of the episode...

PAUL: (doing his radio voice again)

Hello listeners... I hope you're enjoying our Halloween episode - it's terribly spooky, isn't it? We're going to pause for a bit of poetry now... Well, when I say a bit of poetry - don't worry - I am going to read a whole poem... I'm not going to suddenly tail off half-way through... Although I imagine one or two of you would rather that's exactly what I did! There really is no accounting for taste...

CRYPTKEEPER: (surprised)

HEY! YOU! What are you doing here? I told you - you're not welcome!

PAUL: (equally as surprised, but quite casual considering)

Oh! It's you again! The cryptkeeper with the... regional accent...

CRYPTKEEPER: (attempting to scare them)

That be me... I thought I told you to be on your way... Do you want me to dig out a pair of fake devil horns and a rather unconvincing plastic pitchfork to send the fear of the all hallows into you?

PAUL: (hurriedly, with concern)

No! No! Not at all... I'm sorry... I had no idea I'd wandered back into your crypt... I seem to be going round and around here... It's so hard to tell when you're working on audio...

CRYPTKEEPER: (disapprovingly)

Lack-lustre sound effects - that's your problem!

PAUL: (a little sombrely) 

I know! I know! We're just not up to the standard of some shows...

CRYPTKEEPER: (knowingly)

You're no Smellcast, that's for sure... You need to have a word with Toppie Smellie... He'll set you on the right road when comes to sound effects...

PAUL: (surprised)

You know Toppie!?!

CRYPTKEEPER: (casually)

Sure... We play bingo together... We have a fictional childhood together where we play all manner of card and board games...

PAUL: (upset)

You do... You what!?! I'm shocked... Oh! The Horror! The Horror! I thought I was the only one who he had a fictional childhood with... I'm devastated...

CRYPTKEEPER: (chuckling)

I'm only teasing, I was listening to one of your old episodes earlier... Now get out of here you bubble-headed boobie, you - before I set my pack of slightly grumpy chihuahuas on you and your rather meagre audience...

PAUL: (urgently, hurried, moving on...)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh,., Run listeners! Run! Here are some poems...

SCENE 4

Just before the end...

PAUL: (radio voice)

So, that's about all we've got time for this episode... Oh... Just a minute... This place looks familiar... Oh, cor blimey... You'll never guess where we've ended up... 

CRYPTKEEPER: (non-plussed)

Back at my crypt...

PAUL: (embarrassed)

Sorry... Yes... It wasn't intentional... It's just such a lovely creepy location... All the other locations on this show are really low budget... Just mist with a random spot of howling or screaming thrown in... You've actually got gravestones here and some semblance of half-arsed spookiness...

CRYPTKEEPER: (mellowing)

So kind... Ah... Shucks... You do know how to flatter a fella, don't ya, yeti...

PAUL: (slightly awkwardly)

I only speak as I find... Anyway... I suppose we better be going...

CRYPTKEEPER: (now almost friendly)

Oh! Never mind... You're persistent! I admire that! How about a cup of tea and a slice of cake? Do you want to see around my crypt?

PAUL: (excitedly)

Oooh! It's the best offer that I've had all day... Can the audience come too!

CRYPTKEEPER: (overly pleased)

Why, of course! I'm always stocked up on tea bags... Come in! Come in! None of you are ticklish, are you? We have a poltergeist here called Barnaby who has wandering hands...

PAUL: (enthused)

Oooh! Sounds marvellous! Come on listeners... Let's run the end theme tune...

SCENE 5

Right at the very end...

PAUL: (just talking quietly to the listeners)

Hello again listeners... How is your tea? Isn't he nice this cryptkeeper... I knew he wasn't as mean as he made out...

CRYPTKEEPER: (curious but kindly)

What are you saying about me, yeti?

PAUL: (happy)

Ooh! Nothing bad... Just how lovely it's been to have you on the show...

CRYPTKEEPER: (apologetically)

Oh... Well... I'm sorry we got off on the wrong fang...

PAUL: (with affection)

You're a bit of softy really aren't you... Despite your spooky look...

CRYPTKEEPER: (giggles)

Hehe... I am rather... But don't tell anyone, will you?

PAUL: (sincere, hopeful)

I won't... It's fine... What did you think of the episode? Was it scary enough?

CRYPTKEEPER: (blithely)

Oh! I wouldn't know... I don't listen to scary things - I live it - I don't want to hear it in my spare time!

PAUL: (surprised)

You never watch horror films? Not even at Halloween?

CRYPTKEEPER: (keen)

Oh no... It's romantic comedies and anything involving making sponge cakes for me... Do you ever discuss romantic comedies and sponge cakes on your show?

PAUL: (unsure)

Hmm... Not yet... I guess we could... Would you be willing to come back on the show?

CRYPTKEEPER: (dreamily)

I'd love to... You know what I've always wanted to do, yeti...

PAUL: (curious)

No... What?

CRYPTKEEPER: (excitedly)

Play Santa... I've always wanted to do it - the red suit - the beard - the ho,ho,hos - the works...

PAUL: (uncertain)

Really?

CRYPTKEEPER:

Too right! As I say, I'd be prepared to dress up...

PAUL: (resignedly)

Well, I'm sure that could arranged - not that your costume would be too much of a problem on a podcast!

CRYPTKEEPER:

Oh, but I'd HAVE to dress up - that's half the fun...

PAUL: (in agreement)

Alright then... Fantastic! That's a deal... I'm not much of a Christmas person...

CRYPTKEEPER:

Are you not? Oh! I love it...

PAUL:

I love the food, of course... Anyway, let's do it - I'll be in touch...

CRYPTKEEPER: (quite emotional)

Terrific! You've made an old cryptkeeper very happy...

PAUL: (taking control again)

Great! I'm glad. Well, we have to go now... Say goodbye to the listeners please, cryptkeeper...

CRYPTKEEPER: (politely)

You can call me Gordon...

PAUL:

Say goodbye to the listeners please, Gordon...

GORDON: (over-playing it)

Goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee listeners...

PAUL: (to audience, lowering voice)

He's really not scary at all once you get to know him...

GORDON: (distant)

What's he saying about me? I'm ever so spooky... Honest I am... (fade out as Paul laughs)

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

MORE ABOUT "YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS..."

...AND SOME MORE SUPER VENICE PHOTOS TOO!

Hello beasties!

It's been a while since we discussed this - but with the second seasons of both KENSINGTON GORE and HOT STUFF!! due out in the next month or so, this is the last time that'll I'll probably discuss the YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS project, as published at the end of February. In this post I aim to share with you one of my favourite scenes from the new script-book - this time not to much a scary scene, but actually one of the dafter ones.

Just to remind you, here are the details about this exciting new script-book...

Here is the back-cover blurb on the new book...

We join Horner, Warren, Katrina and Colin as they head to Italy on an all-expenses-paid trip to Venice! But there is trouble in store – murder, in fact! What can be done? Who is to blame? Who will be “got at” next? The Beast Crew try to help whilst trying to avoid getting “bumped off” themselves!

Paperback Edition: £8.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/paperback/product-23078113.html

Hardback Edition: £13.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/hardcover/product-23078067.html

At the end of this post you will find the first two scenes of the new script - last time, when the new book was published, I posted the first two scenes... You can still read those at the following link if you would like to:

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2017_02_19_archive.html

As mentioned in brief at the start of this post, this time we have a scene from a little later in the story - set during a part of the story where a number of the team are being interrogated. I hope you enjoy it!

As you may have noticed by now - the new script-book is set in Venice - and so I also have a number of photos from my last trip there in November 2016!

But before we move onto those - here's a little bit about our most recent SHY LIFE PODCAST episodes...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 76: PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS... OVERHEARD!!!

Here we are for episode SEVENTY SIX - where, whilst Mr Yeti shares some previously unheard conversations - Cromitty is busily playing a prank... Cromitty's prank involves recording private conversations in the podcast studio and  Yeti Uncle John, Bettina Du Pres, Charlie Grrr, Dameus Twinklehorn, Mr Yeti himself and also the aliens unwittingly release some red-hot gossip!! The previously unheard conversations are with Toppie Smellie, Nick Goodman and (briefly) Jay The Hauntcub - there are also poems! Our next episode, number 77 - sees Mr Yeti Catching Up with another esteemed member of the Pride48 community. It'll be out soon!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 76 was recorded on the 21st April 2017, with unheard conversations recorded between 28th October 2016 and 17th April 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

76: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-76-private-conversations-overheard

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 77: SHY YETI CATCHES UP!!

Here we are for episode SEVENTY SEVEN - where this time we are  catching up with Catching Up star Mike Lawson - over in San Francisco... We also hear from the regulars and Ikk The Alien reads the world a poem. Our next episode, number 78 involves a trip out to a slightly mysterious pub, where Mr Yeti meets a number of old friends and has a State Of The Podcast meeting with the regulars. Following that, episode 79 should be our next live show where we will be discussing the first year of the show. Do join us, won't you? Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and we'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. All content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 77 was recorded on the 9th May 2017. 

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

77: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-77-shy-yeti-catches-up

Here are some of those photos from Venice that I mentioned at the start...

Just writing these recent Venice has made me start thinking about when my next Venice trip should be; in fact I tweeted this earlier in the year when I was loading up more photos on Instagram.

Next time there will be more podcast news and quite possibly a new Shy Yeti script...

That's about it for now - except for the silly scene from the new script-book...

Bye for now - take care!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

EXTRACT FROM: YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

ACT 9: Somewhere deep inside the Police Station…

AT AROUND THE SAME TIME COLIN IS BEING FROG-MARCHED DOWN A CORRIDOR WHERE HE IS BROUGHT TO THE DOOR OF A LEAD-LINED ROOM WHERE IT IS INDICATED THAT HE SHOULD ENTER – THERE IS A FIGURE SITTING IN THE SHADOWS, A FACE THAT HE CAN’T MAKE OUT…

COLIN: (curious, slightly concerned)

Hello… What’s going on here then?

ANONYMOUS FIGURE: (kindly, slightly sinisterly)

Do come in, won’t you? There’s plenty of cake – enough for a week – maybe two!

COLIN: (unsure but tempted)

Well, I must admit that I am quite partial to cake – however…

SECOND VOICE: (slightly more friendly)

Come on, good fellow… Don’t tell me you’re really going to turn down cake – good cake too – it’s not the sort of cake that it is wise for one to refuse… (Colin turns, he recognises the voice to be Charlie’s) May I shed some light on the matter?

COLIN: (relieved)

Of course, feel free – please go ahead…

CHARLIE FLICKS A SWITCH AND THE ROOM BECOMES BRIGHTLY LIT – COLIN GLANCES AT THE SECOND FIGURE AND REALISES THAT IT IS, OF COURSE, SIMON… THERE IS NO SIGN OF THE POLICE AND CHARLIE IS CLOSING THE HEAVY DOOR BEHIND HIM – LOCKING THEM ALL IN…

(dismayed) Listen… What exactly is going on? No offense, Simon – but I’ve heard some upsetting rumours about you losing your marbles; so I’m not sure that I want to be stuck here with you and cake for company! Charlie clearly thinks otherwise!

CHARLIE: (enthusiastic)

Don’t worry – all shall be made clear pretty soon…

COLIN: (nervously)

Oh dear! Don’t tell me – you’re about to confess to the crimes!?

CHARLIE: (slightly taken-a-back)

Ah! No…

SIMON: (chipping in)

But I assure you that rumours of my madness have been deliberately exaggerated!

COLIN: (hopefully)

But the rumours of cake?

CHARLIE: (beaming)

These are all true… Do help yourself by the way! It’s good to share…

COLIN: (shocked, then apologetic)

“Good to share!” I never thought I’d hear that from your mouth… Sorry to be rude!

SIMON: (through gritted teeth)

No offense taken… Do please tuck in…

COLIN DOES JUST THAT – HE MARVELS AT THE RANGE OF CAKE ON OFFER TO THEM ON A TRESSEL TABLE AT THE FAR END OF THE ROOM… GINGERLY HE APPROACHES THE SELECTION, TAKES A CAKE AND HELPS HIMSELF TO SEVEN DANISH PASTRIES AND A PIECE OF APPLE PIE…

Good man! I like a wolf with a good appetite… There’s coffee too if you’d like; more than one variety too! We’re spoiling you, I know – but you’re worth it!

COLIN: (surprised by Simon’s jovial nature)

Err… Thanks… What’s up with you two today… Do you want something?

CHARLIE: (sounding innocent)

What DO you mean?! Maybe a little help – but nothing more…

COLIN: (suspicious, enlightened)

Oh, is that why you’re being nice!? Now it makes sense…

CHARLIE: (a little hurt)

I’m always nice, dear boy… Not that I like to broadcast such foul accusations; even though they’re true! It’s just that if rumours of my niceness get spread around then my reputation will never recover and we can’t be having that…

SIMON: (conspiratorially)

I’m nice too, but people leave you alone if you appear selfish, rude and thoughtless!

CHARLIE: (proudly)

I’m not really half as smelly in real life, either – come sniff me…

SIMON: (mouths)

I wouldn’t if I were you! (then aloud) You must be wondering why we’re suddenly acting so nicely? (Colin nods) It is a tad unusual, I admit… It’s the lead-lined room that is the biggest clue… Nobody can hear us, you see… Neither will they know if we choose to discuss the identity of the calzone killer… Yes, you did hear right!!

COLIN: (surprised)

Oh… Wow! Do you think you really know who he… she… is?

SIMON: (unusually solemn)

We’re not sure, actually – but it’s not one of Charlie’s publicity stunts I assure you!

CHARLIE: (vaguely embarrassed)

Although it did start off that way… Well, the party…

SIMON: (lowering his voice slightly)

He’s under new management and staging a giant New Year party in Venice and there being some exciting drama was what he was originally promised…

CHARLIE: (quick to explain)

Smoke and mirrors, yes – but not murder… Not anything that’d get anybody hurt!

COLIN: (nervously)

Well, presumably your management company didn’t actually go around killing people off just to drum up a little trade – that really would be going a step too far…

SIMON: (impressed)

No! But it was them who tipped off Giallo – the detective… He comes with a bit of a following – I believe that all the top killers dream of being hunted down by him…

CHARLIE: (chipping in excitedly)

He even has one of those Tweeter Pages online…

COLIN: (after a moment’s thought, confidently)

Listen, you want my opinion? We’re trying to confuse things too much again – it helps the actual killer if we tie ourselves in knots…

SIMON: (frustrated)

But we are ALREADY tied in knots… How do we get ourselves free again?

COLIN: (suddenly sounding very serious)

But these are knots that we have tied ourselves in – we can get ourselves out if we pay attention and reverse our actions… There isn’t an hour that goes by without somebody suggesting some new theory or the plot taking some new twist or other… We’ve lost track of the facts… All this business about your new year party turning into some kind of convention for serial killers all because Inspector Giallo was tipped off by your new management, Charlie – it’s nonsense…

CHARLIE: (trying not to sound too hurt)

It doesn’t sound nonsense to me – I think it seems quite likely…

COLIN: (sounding quite stern)

But where are the facts that the murders were done by different killers? We don’t have any ideas whatsoever about one murderer – let alone three!! We need to take time and think this through – not jump to too many wild assumptions…

SIMON: (lowering his voice slightly)

He has a good point, Charlie… There’s only been three deaths so far – not that we want more; but we’re lucky that it’s NOT been more….

COLIN: (chipping in)

Especially as there have been a fair few failed attempts…

CHARLIE: (sounding uncertain)

Yes… But all by the Calzone Killer…

SIMON: (trying to figure it out)

What if the “Calzone Killer” is just the cover for a number of killers? Either as a team, somehow – or without any planning or co-ordination… Who knows what his or her might be trying to achieve or what might be expecting to happen next…

COLIN: (musing matters over)

Or the distraction to disguise one particular murder that is yet to occur… Look, as grand as this theory about multiple killers may sound to an ego maniac like you, Charlie – I simply don’t think that it’s actually what happened in reality…

CHARLIE: (with faux disgust)

Simon! The wolf just called me an ego maniac…

SIMON: (laughing)

He’s very astute, isn’t he!?

CHARLIE: (chuckling)

He is… I always said that he was the brains behind that gang – that Horner fellow always acts like he’s the one in the know – but I always thought it was Colin…

SIMON: (dreamily)

I like Warren… He has a sort of innocent cuteness… I’m sure my mother would approve of him too and that’s always something you need to consider…

COLIN: (mutters)

Poor Katrina… She never gets picked at times like this… Listen, do you mind if I tuck in for another round of cakes – then we need to decide what we do next…

CHARLIE: (encouraging)

No… No… Help yourself…

COLIN DOES JUST THAT – TAKING HIS EMPTY PLATE BACK TO THE TABLE WITH ITS CAKE-BASED CONTENTS STILL PILED HIGH… HE BEGINS TO SELECT FROM A SELECTION OF DOUGHNUTS AND THEN CUTS HIMSELF A LARGE SLAB OF DELICIOUS CHRISTMAS CAKE… THEN HE PAUSES…

COLIN: (curious)

Look chaps… I don’t mean to be party pooper – but this is just meant to be a selection of cakes and pastries isn’t it? Nothing savoury…

SIMON: (brightly)

Sure… Just cakes… I put the order in myself…

CHARLIE: (beginning to look hungry again)

A good selection too – you’re to be congratulated…

COLIN: (nervously)

He is indeed – but if we take that into consideration then may I ask why on a table full of cakey goodness there is also a large dinner plate piled high with an Italian pizza… Not just any pizza either – those look suspiciously like calzone…

SIMON AND CHARLIE TURN TO LOOK AT THE TABLE TO SEE WHAT HE IS POINTING TO – FOR SUDDENLY THERE IS A PILE OF CALZONE SITTING THERE – OBVIOUSLY PIPING HOT AND QUITE RECENTLY DELIVERED…

CHARLIE: (outraged)

That’s IMPOSSIBLE… The way in here is locked – I know it is; they promised…

COLIN: (baffled)

Well, I never brought anything in – the guards brought me to you and I’d not seen any food for hours before I got in here with the cake because I’d been sitting out there in the waiting room whilst they decided what they wanted to do with me next!

SIMON: (not wishing to offend)

We weren’t saying you were the culprit – we’re just wondering how they got here?

CHARLIE: (with growing concern)

Is there a hole in the wall somewhere, perhaps? A trap door or secret entrance?

COLIN: (unhappily considering his suggestions)

Maybe somebody has been hiding underneath all the cake? It’s not very hygienic!

CHARLIE/SIMON: (jumping back in fear)

OH! OOOH! THEY MIGHT BLOW THEIR NOSE ON OUR PASTRIES!! OOH!!

COLIN: (intrigued)

Hey! Hey! I was joking about that last bit – how could anybody be hiding under the cake and yet the calzone still be piping hot? (Colin examines them and works out an answer) Look! That’s not steam… A least not heat… These calzone are frozen and are starting to melt due to the warmth of the room now that the door is closed!

CHARLIE: (alarmed)

Frozen calzone!? Is someone expecting us to bash each other’s heads in with them?

SIMON: (indignant)

I won’t do THAT! Well, not unless I’m having to protect myself from one of you!

COLIN: (attempting to call order)

Calm down… That’s exactly what they want us to do – panic… Start doubting one another until fisticuffs break out! Look here… I think this whole plate was surrounded by a lattice of ice – it wasn’t properly visible before here in the shadows and it’s only now that some of the cakes have been eaten and the doors have been closed that it’s begun to melt away… How ingenious!

CHARLIE: (sounding relieved)

So nobody has been in the room whilst we’ve been talking, Colin? (Colin nods and both Charlie and Simon sigh) One question… Is it still okay to eat the calzone?

SIMON: (nods his head, eager to learn)

That is a good question…

COLIN: (his mind buzzing)

Charlie! No, we can’t risk it… We need to finish our conversation – work out what we’re going to do and then I need to leave and find my friends; for all I know they could be in dire peril… (Charlie and Simon look upset) I know you find this whole matter quite confusing and that’s understandable – it’s very easy to get confused – to be unsure who to trust… You even end up doubting yourself sometimes – just don’t fall into that trap; be sure of what you do know and focus on that…

CHARLIE: (musing sadly)

Do you know what? It’s especially easy to get confused when you’re so hungry…

SIMON: (supportively)

That is probably what it is… You’re HUNGRY!

CHARLIE: (hopeful)

Do you think?

COLIN: (frustrated)

The room is FULL of cake, guys! You’ve both eaten plate after plate of them… Sometimes when you feel hungry it’s actually because you are thirsty…

CHARLIE/SIMON: (pretty much in unison)

Oh, no… We’re not thirsty…

COLIN: (sighing, sarcastically)

You surprise me!

CHARLIE: (chipping in)

Scientists have recently discovered that there are actually two forms of hunger…

SIMON: (adding helpfully)

In the same way that there are two key food groups – sweet and savoury…

CHARLIE: (attempting to explain)

EXACTLY… So you can be full to the brim with cake – the sweet…

SIMON: (adding his opinion)

But if you’ve not eaten any savoury then you can still potentially starve!!

COLIN: (laughing, slightly amazed)

Guys… You just made that up… If you want to eat the frozen calzone raw then just eat them – but woe betide you if they’re full of rat poison or glass…

CHARLIE: (mutters)

What’s his problem? Rat poison doesn’t hurt too badly does it, Simon?

SIMON: (muttering back)

I very much doubt it – unless you’re a rat, perhaps. My mother-in-law swears by it!

CHARLIE: (concerned)

Didn’t your mother-in-law die?

SIMON: (flippantly)

Eventually…

CHARLIE: (curious)

What of?

SIMON: (vaguely)

Mysterious circumstances the coroner said…

BACK AT THE HOTEL KATRINA AND HORNER VISIT WARREN IN HIS ROOM – THE DOCTOR HAS INSPECTED HIM AND GIVEN HIM THE ALL CLEAR!

HORNER: (apologetic)

Thank goodness you’re alright – Warren; I’m so sorry I didn’t get here quicker! At least you didn’t bang your head or swallow too much water! Lucky escape there!

WARREN: (clearly upset)

Lucky!? I really wouldn’t call what I just went through “lucky”, Horner… Didn’t you see? I was attacked… Attacked by somebody pretty much dressed up as me!

KATRINA: (calmly, but sympathetically)

Except you weren’t dressed as you; you were dressed as Var-ii in an attempt to scare someone into confessing to being the one who stuck her on top of a pizza! Whoever is responsible wasn’t happy that you were making fun of them…

HORNER: (frustrated)

So who was the other person dressing up like that and why? Do we know anything?

WARREN: (sounding weary)

My head aches far too much to think about any of this right now… Can’t you let me sleep and go bother Colin instead? Do you even know where he is? I’ve told you before – it’s never a good idea to let him off his leash in a strange city…

KATRINA: (disapproving)

Ooooh! Harsh! Inappropriate too… Presumably he’s still at the police station…

HORNER: (concerned)

Oh, blimey… He won’t be pleased – we really should have checked on him… We’ve been so distracted with all this… Perhaps we should call round there and see how he’s doing now? He might appreciate a bit of moral surpport…

KATRINA: (glancing at her watch)

Do we have time to do all this? Don’t we have somewhere that we ought to be?

WARREN: (unsure what is going on)

Gawd! What are you two planning? Is it dangerous? Please don’t wander off and get yourself bumped off because one of you getting killed would be one too many! I’m sorry – that sounds incredibly mushy of me; but you know I love you dearly!

KATRINA: (chuckling)

Aww… That’s terribly sweet, Warren… You are lovely… Sickly sweet, but lovely!

HORNER: (impatiently)

Mean! But there is somebody who we need to speak to – the one last person who we haven’t had a chance to catch up with yet… I think you know what I mean…

MEANWHILE, WARREN APPEARS TO HAVE DOZED OFF – HORNER SIGHS…

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.