AN UPDATE ON ARE WE THERE, YETI!?

Hi there...

I do hate to begin with bad news... But as the news I have is of the bad = possibly actually good afterall variety I am confidant that it won't bring TOO many tears to the eyes of my collective readers. (All 4 of you!) Basically, I've had to POSTPONE the gig on the 16th March at the Poetry Cafe! (A double booking by the venue, say no more! *sigh*)

SO, what's the good news, you may ask?

Well, we now have TWO gigs - one in April and one in May - not to mention the one in late Summer... Anyway, they'll be more details on all this over the next week or two; but the dates are Thursday 19th April and Saturday 5th May - AND they'll be a special guest for both dates!

This week I thought I'd bring you up to speed on my next full collection, due out in early Summer. You probably already know that it's to be entitled ARE WE THERE, YETI!? So that's a good start...

As of last week I typed the final piece for inclusion in this collection - there are 100 in all - a dozen or maybe slightly more are poems and the rest are either short stories or vignettes...

I haven't shared the titles with you yet, so I'm going to do that now...

ALL SWEETNESS AND LIGHT
AMNESIA

APARTMENT 108

AN ASYLUM FOR AUTHORS
ARE WE THERE, YETI?
AUNTIE ASTRID (U.S.A. SPECIAL)
BEE BUSINESS
BEING STALKED BY THE HOLLYWOOD LETTERS
BEST PANTS
THE BODY IN THE BOG
A BOY’S DREAM OF FLIGHT
BREAKING INTO THE JAIL
CACTUS HEART
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS
COLLECTING HEARTACHE
COMING CLEAN
THE CONFESSION BOX
CREEPY, EXOTIC
THE CREEPY SHOW
A CUP OF SUGAR
THE DAILY GRIND
DEAR, DEARLY DEPARTED
DEATH WARMED UP
THE DUST OF AGES
AN ENQUIRING MIND
EXCITEMENT IN LIFE
FEEDING TIME
A FLY ON THE WALL
THE FOOD OF LOVE
FRUIT BATS
GLUE TO MEND A BROKEN HEART
GOOD TIMES AGAIN
A HAPPY EX-MAS
HEALTHY LIVING
THE HOODIES NEXT DOOR
HOW MONEY SPIDERS GET THEIR NAME
HUSBAND POTENTIAL
THE HYPOCRISY OF OLD AGE
THE ICE-CREAMING AD-DABS
INK ON HER HANDS
IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO MINE
IN THE SOUP
INVITE A YETI ROUND FOR TEA
IS A TOADSTOOL A TOAD’S TOOL?
IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY?
JELLY-BABY
JITTERS
JOHN, I’M ONLY RHYMING
L.A. AND I (GET ON JUST FINE, THANK YOU…)
LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS FAIR
LIVING IN HOLLYWOOD
LOSING YOUR MEMORY ISN’T ALWAYS A BAD THING
MINOTAURS AND OTHER EVERYDAY LOVERS
(A TRILOGY)
NEVER MIND THE MINOTAUR
KRAKEN YOU HEAR ME?
CTHULHU, YOU ARE HOT!!
MISTLETOE MANIA
A MOURNING YAWN
MURDERING THAT SONG
MY LONG LOST FRIEND
NEVER, NEVER BE FORGOTTEN
NEVER TRUST A SKINNY FISH ‘N’ CHIP MAN
A NEW BOOK IN THE FAMILY
NOM, NOM, NOM
PART OF THE FAMILY
A PHOTO, FALLEN
RATTLESNAKES!!!
REHAB... FOR CANNIBALS!
RICH PICKINGS
RING, RING
RUNNING LATE
SANTA’S BIT ON THE SIDE
A SEAT ON THE WING
A SENSE OF STYLE
THE SERIAL KILLER OF LITTLE ITALY
A SHADOW OVER LA JOLLA COVE
THE SHAME OF A MIDDLE-CLASS BONNIE AND CLYDE
SO IRRITATING!!!
STATUE ESQ.
STATUS SYMBOLS
SWEATY YETI!!
TAKE CARE WHEN GIVING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
THERE ARE NO RULES
TOAST
TOO SHORT TO BE A YETI
A TRAGIC DEMISE
TRICK OR...
THE TRUE LIGHT (PROSE VERSION)
TURN AND TURN AGAIN
THE UNPUBLISHED NOVEL
A VERY SHY PSYCHOPATH
VIEW FROM A FALLEN OAK
THE WAR AGAINST RED TAPE
THE WEDDING PLANNER
WEIRD WIDE WEB
WHAT GOES AROUND
THE WRONG PEN
A YETI HISTORY LESSON OF HOLLYWOOD
YOU’RE NO FRIEND – LET’S BE ENEMIES!!
YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND’S A MINGER

A few of those you may already be familiar with as I've either been performing them at shows or recorded them for videos or have posted them on the blog - or even in the case of CACTUS HEART named a compilation after them in advance of the publication of the collection; in fact ?? of these pieces appeared as a preview of this book when CACTUS HEART was published back in February.

The poems ARE WE THERE, YETI!?, INVITE A YETI ROUND FOR TEA and JOHN, I'M ONLY RHYMING I have been reading aloud almost since they were written and they have also appeared in some of my Shy Yeti videos; INVITE A YETI... in both a live and location-based version appeared at either end of my YETI HUNT U.S.A. series which I began recorded between in late July and mid-November 2011 and whose 8 episodes were edited and posted between October 2011 and mid February 2012.

ARE WE THERE, YETI!?! itself began life on around abouts the 4th July 2011 when I began work on the title poem - which was completed on the 21st July and was only a few days old when recorded in California... This book has taken a little longer than the previous two collection THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE and FUNERAL FOR A SHOE - but that's also been partly because since late November once I reached around 90 of the 100 pieces required I started to experience a bit of an excess of material and then had to decide which pieces went into YETI and which pieces went into the next collection NOT AS SHY AS I WAS. Mostly I chose shorter pieces for NOT AS SHY and tried to keep anything written before the end of November 2011 for YETI. NOT AS SHY AS I WAS is probably a good quarter way through being written as a result of that overflow of ideas.

It's not long until my next gig now... The main focus of what I will be reading is the 10th anniversary reissue of my second collection: ROLLERCOASTER, but I also intend to read from CACTUS HEART, my recent compilation. I've also chosen a few completely new pieces for the night too.

Anyway, there'll be more about this next week... Not to mention news on my next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video which should be posted around then too.

Next week I'll hopefully have more news on the gigs and we'll also be discussing the next video - title as yet undecided - but it's the one I filmed in the New Forest back in January. It should be ready to be posted by this time next week and it's looking to be a fun-packed poetting extravaganza!!

More soon,

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS ...To all those in the know I can confirm that Friday the 24th turned out to be as awesome a day as we hoped, thank you muchly for asking!

The content of this post is copyright Paul Chandler 2012

ANOTHER VIDEO POSTED AND NEWS ON ONE JUST FILMED...

Hello peoples!

So, what news do I have for you this time?

Well, as I was hinting last week I am very happy to announce that YETI HUNT U.S.A. - PART 8 is finally edited... It's a little longer again like PART 4 was, although I can't blame it on scenery this time. I just had a lot to pack in... I am now at the stage where I can confirm, as mentioned in previous posts there will be just one further Hollywood video - which will include 2 short stories, a poem and a behind-the-scenes film of me attempting to record another piece on the day that I first wrote it! But I'd like to keep this video until I'm a little closer to being ready to publish my ARE WE THERE, YETI!? collection, which I hope will be around May/June time.

Here's some more information and the links to PART 8...

YETI HUNT U.S.A. is back for its final episode... In Part 8: A FOND FURRY FAREWELLTO L.A.! Mr Yeti and his loyal side-kick Mr McCauley return to the wilderness for one last Californian yeti dance! There are also poems - THEM VAMPIRES, SUCH CHARMERS! and an all location rendition of INVITE A YETI ROUND FOR TEA. All this and a whole lot of stupidity too! This episode was filmed by Paul and Dominic in mid-November 2011 and includes music by Luca. The copyright of this film and the poems included in it belongs to Paul Chandler, 2012. Please note: You do not have to have watched the first 7 episodes to enjoy this one!

Youtube: http://youtu.be/97-ITgSlZTs

Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/37145065

I am also pleased to be able to announce that the 10th anniversary edition of my second collection, ROLLERCOASTER is ready and raring to go. I have received a test copy and it looks great; so there's plenty of time to get copies in, in time for my next show at The Poetry Cafe on Friday 16th March 2012.

What else? Well, I was going to tell you a little bit about my filming expedition to Bushy Park and Hampton Court Palace on Saturday 11th February 2012 and to post a few behind-the-scenes photos of Dominic and I whilst we were filming the episode. The episode is to be entitled SHY YETI GOES BUSHY and was originally going to be called either A YETI IN SPRING, A YETI IN SLUSH or THE YETI'S APPRENTICE as it re-introduces Dominic who is newly resident in the U.K! Oh yes... Anyway, SHY YETI GOES BUSHY is a much better title and you can see some photos from our day below. The only other thing that I'll say is that there is lots of silliness, yeti dances, snow and two poems; but I won't reveal which ones just yet as there is still my SHY YETI ON THE NEW FOREST episode to be edited first.

That's about it until next week - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx



























SOME BEHIND THE SCENES PHOTOS FROM "SHY YETI GOES BUSHY"...

Here are just a few photos taken whilst we were filming the episode. It's the second episode that I have filmed this year and the second in a row that I have only made at very short notice because the weather was nice. I was all set to go to IKEA on the day we filmed "BUSHY"; but I'm much happier to have gotten the chance to make a new episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION instead. Hopefully it won't be too long before you get to see it too! I'll keep you informed... For now enjoy YETI HUNT U.S.A. - PART 8 and I'll be back next week! Thanks again to Dominic for helping me make this episode AND for making everything possible... And we'll be celebrating just what a great team we make this Friday! What a lucky yeti am I! :) x

All photos and content of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

WHAT WENT ON AT RADIO WEY ON VALENTINE'S SATURDAY!?!

So, you may ask! How were things on Radio Wey last weekend? How many poems did you read? WHICH poems did you read? Did anything extra-exciting happen? Did any listeners propose to one another on air? *erm, NO!* Well, it was our Valentine's Day episode!!

Is there a video? There is - but don't go running off to watch it before I've finished talking! So rude!

So what did I read? Quite a few ditties, as it happens! Some of them were from my new CACTUS HEART compilation and some that just fitted the theme and were in older collections. The poems were as follows:

THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE
SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008)

BEING COY
POETIQUETTE (2005)

KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG
MUGSHOTS (2004)

HOPELESS ROMANTIC?
POETIQUETTE (2005)

THE ONLY YOU THERE IS
MUGSHOTS (2004)

THE ROCK POOL
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE (2003)

OTHERWISE ENGAGED
ROLLERCOASTER (2002)

In addition to this, just before reading my own final poem I read one by a local Woking poet called Sally Blackmore who you can  read more about on her blog at: http://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/ Sally and I have been in contact to discuss the local group and about the potential of doing a show together in the future and I read her poem KANDAHAR POMEGRANATES; we were getting towards the end of the show by this stage - so I hope I did it justice, Sally! Live radio's a bit crazy - there's never enough time and I know I always end up reading faster when I know I have to fit in a piece before the news! ;)

Anyway, as well as reading all the poems, Tim also agreed to let me choose 4 songs that are all personal favourites and loosely fit different aspects of that night's theme. The songs were:

They Don't Know (Tracy Ullmann)
Where Have All The Good Times Gone (The Kinks)
Stupid Thing (Aimee Mann) and
Special Way (River City People)

There's a video containing all 7 of my poems, as listed above. It's a little dark because the studio wasn't that well lit in my corner - but it's perfectly viewable. Dominic was there and helped as a cameraman and you can watch the video at the following link:

Youtube: http://youtu.be/8aPW0jwDGYY
Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/36733759

Not to forget that 2010's VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL can still be viewed at: http://youtu.be/FhR_PljZay8 or on Vimeo at: http://vimeo.com/9347050

Thanks to Dominic for doing the majority of the filming and thanks again to Tim for inviting me onto his show for the third time since October. Hopefully I'll be back in May sometime when we're thinking the theme might be animals; so a good chance for me to read all my daft animal pieces! :)
I've also been busy this weekend filming a new episode in the glamorous location of... Surrey... in the snow; or should I say - in the slush! The episode is provisionally entitled SHY YETI GOES BUSHY; but there's PART 8 OF YETI HUNT U.S.A. to go up first; not to mention my SHY YETI IN THE NEW FOREST installment from January! Anyway - they'll be some behind-the-scenes photos from SHY YETI GOES BUSHY going up next week on the blog anyway!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Just a quick reminder... Should you want to follow me on Twitter my profile is: https://twitter.com/#!/SHYYETI I've been using the site a little more of late and sometimes commenting on areas of my writing that I don't do in quite the same way on Facebook.

This post and all photos in it are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

VALENTINE'S RADIO WEY APPEARANCE

Hello!

This week I'm here to announce my next appearance on Radio Wey - but also to announce one or two other things! First up I have some links to a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode - the penultimate episode of YETI HUNT U.S.A., no less! This week we are also celebrating passing our 5000th hit on our MRSHYYETI Youtube profile - we've had over 1000 hits in less than a month too; the previous 3900-and something hits took us over 2 years! Hopefully we're doing something right; but at any rate it's been a lot of fun seeing the rating charge up day-by-day since mid-January; although we're not quite sure what we've done to deserve it!

YETI HUNT U.S.A. - PART 7

YETI HUNT U.S.A. is back for its penultimate episode... In Part 7: MEETING YETI X! the boys finally meet their contact, Yeti X in San Diego - but there is also time for a yeti dance, a poem, a short story and a whole lots of pelicans; not to mention several seals down in La Jolla Cove. The story is called A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DIVA and the poem is called HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT from the 10th annivesary edition of JUNK/FOOD. This episode was filmed in mid-November 2011 and also stars Dominic McCauley and includes music by Luca. There is also footage from Paul's November 2011 Poetry Cafe show, as filmed by Calum Williamson. The copyright of this film and the poems included in it belongs to Paul Chandler, 2012.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/_E7AMrSHFzc
Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/36236033

GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT - ON SOUNDCLOUD

Another poem from my 2007 album SHY YETI'S FINEST HOME-BREWED VERSE! It's a silly little piece inspired by my own granny whose name was Ethel! Surprisingly! I'm not aware of her being acquainted with any garden gnomes or teddy bears - but she did definitely draw underwear on Page 3 girls! Well, somebody has to! :) This recording and the poem GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT is Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

This poem can be accessed at the following link: http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/granny-ethel-keeps-them-decent

RADIO WEY

Not a lot to say about this until it's done - but for those who may want to listen live, I'll be on Tim Mitchell's RADIO WEY show on Saturday evening between 8 and 10 (also repeated on a Thursday afternoon, I believe...) You can tune in at: http://www.radiowey.co.uk/ Hopefully there'll be a video at the end of it; but you'll just have to wait and see...

STATISTICS

As I may have mentioned our ratings have been increasing rather speedily over the last 3 weeks and as it's nearly 6 weeks since my last update I've included the new ratings at the bottom of this post... At time of posting we're nearing 5100 hits; so who knows where we'll stand in another 6 weeks! All I will say is that I'm very pleased to announce that over 34 of the films now have over 100 hits! Thanks again to everybody who's been watching them...

That's about it for now - next week I'll tell you how my night on Radio Wey went! :)

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS Films highlighted in red are poetry videos with over 100 hits and those highlighted in blue are Sutton Park episodes with over 100 hits. Those in purple are videos posted so-far in 2012.

RATINGS FROM YETI VIDEOS – AS OF 07/02/2012

1st SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 1 = 442 views
2^nd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 2 = 355 views
3^rd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 3 = 259 views
4^th SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET = 205 views
5^th SHY YETI'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL = 192 views
6^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 1 = 188 views
=7^th SHY YETI GOES TO HOLLYWOOD = 181 views
=7^th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION = 181 views
9^th BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR = 175 views
10^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 4 = 169 views
11^th A YETI IN WINTER = 157 views
12^th SHY YETI AT THE COBALT CAFÉ = 156 views
13^th OUT AND ABOUT WITH SHY YETI = 154 views
14^th TOO LATE – A SHORT STORY= 152 views
15^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 5 = 146 views
16^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 7 = 145 views
=17^th SHY'S SNOW SPECTACULAR = 144 views
=17^th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 = 144 views
19^th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 6 = 142 views
20^th I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES = 141 views
21^st UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE = 140 views
22^nd SHY YETI TALKS = 125 views
=23^rd SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 (2) = 116 views
=23^rd A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 4 = 116 views
24^th SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET (O/TAKES) = 115 views
=25^th SHY YETI OUT IN THE COUNTRY = 111 views
=25th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 1 = 111 views
27^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 2 = 107 views
28^th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION (O/TAKES) = 106 views
29^th A PERFECT MATCH = 102 views
=30^th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 3 = 101 views
=30^th A YETI IN PARIS – PART 1= 101 views
=32^nd YETI SPAGHETTI = 100 views
=32^nd YETI DANCE A-GO-GO… = 100 views
34^th SHY YETI LIVE – 02/04/2011 = 93 views
35^th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 2 = 92 views
36^th SUTTON PARK – PART 8 (1 OF 2) = 91 views
37^th A YETI ON RADIO WEY = 90 views
38^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 1 = 85 views
39^th SHY YETI BACK AT THE COBALT CAFE = 79 views
40^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 3 = 77 views
=42^nd YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 2 = 76 views
=42^nd A YETI IN PARIS – PART 2 = 76 views
=43^rd AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI ... = 72 views
=43^rd YOU CRAMP MY STYLE = 72 views
45^th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 1 = 68 views
46^th ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 66 views
=47^th SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PART 1 = 64 views
=47^th SOMETHING TO CHEW ON – A SHORT STORY= 64 views
=47^th YETI SPAGHETTI (OUT-TAKES) = 64 views
50^th LITTLE PIG = 63 views
51^st SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – LIVE REVIVED = 62 views
52^nd SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 3 = 61 views
=53^rd MY MOMENT IS NOW = 58 views
=53^rd PICCADILLY CIRCUS = 58 views
54^th A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS – A POEM = 57 views
55^th JUNK/FOOD GIG 1 = 56 views
=56^th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 2 = 55 views
=56^th SHY YETI’S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 – PT 1 = 55 views
58^th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 5 = 54 views
59^th SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PART 2 = 50 views
60^th THEY WARNED ME... = 48 views
61^st CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND = 47 views
=62^nd YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 6 = 46 views
=62^nd YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 4 = 46 views
64^th SHY YETI’S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 – PT 2 = 43 vws
65^th SHY YETI LIVE - 18/11/2008 = 38 views
66^th MY DOG IN A DRESS = 37 views
=67^th THE TRUE LIGHT = 35 views
=67^th THINGS AIN'T... = 35 views
=67^th JUNK/FOOD GIG 2 = 35 views
70^th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE XMAS – PT 2 = 31 views
71^st GOOD HUG = 27 views
=72^nd DAREDEVIL = 25 views
=72^nd THE SORRY TALE... = 25 views
74th RECKLESSLY = 24 views
75^th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE XMAS – PT 1 = 23 views
76^th A VOICE IN HIS HEAD = 21 views
77^th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 7 = 16 views

This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

NEW COMPILATION "CACTUS HEART" RELEASED TODAY!

Hi,

This week we're turning our attention on a new mini-compilation which I have just released this week called CACTUS HEART. The main reason that this book exists is because of the photo that appears on the cover, which I took during a trip to Los Angeles back in the Summer of 2011.

Here's some information on it and where you can get a copy should you wish to...

CACTUS HEART is a book of “lost poems for lost loves”; a compilation of prose and verse selected from all the collections that I’ve released since 2001. Some of them are funny, some of them are sad – but all of them have a certain spike to them; rather like that cactus again! Come on in, dear reader – and rest your broken heart!

Paperback link: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/cactus-heart/18847348 £5.99

Hardback link: http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/cactus-heart/18849097 £9.99

And here's a list of the poems that appear in the compilation - including which collections they originally appeared in.

JUNKFOOD (2001)

CIVIL TONGUE (OFFICE ROMANCE)

ROLLERCOASTER (2002)

SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK

THIRD TIME LUCKY (2002)

BREAK MY HEART
DOWNSTAIRS FROM UPSTAIRS
EATING FOR ONE
GAD-A-BOUT / STAY-AT-HOME
GET OVER YOURSELF
TRYING

GO 4TH AND DIVIDE (2003)

DECORATING MORRISSEY
GOT IT ALL
HE SANG
LOVE AND AMNESIA
THE ROCKPOOL
RUNNING DOWN CORRIDORS
SHE TAKES OFF HER RINGS
THERE ARE NO DISCOTHEQUES IN THE STARS

THE AUTUMNAL E.P. (2003)

MY LOVER IS LOST

LOVE SONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004)

IN TWO MINDS
JEALOUSY DID HIM NO GOOD

MUGSHOTS (2004)

KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG
NEVER AT HOME
THE ONE LEFT BEHIND

POETIQUETTE (2005)

FEELS LIKE THE END DAYS
IF DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER…

POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006)

DARLING, TIME FOR A WORD
I WANT TO MEET YOU AGAIN (FOR THE FIRST TIME)

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR (2007)

THE INFATUATION DANCE
WE DON’T DANCE TO LOVESONGS
WHAT I SAY (AND WHAT I MEAN)

SHY YETI’S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008)

THE BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR
I KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE TOGETHER…

IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009)

WHATEVER

CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009)

BE MY VALENTINE

THE SHY LIFE (2009)

GOODBYE, YET NOT FAREWELL
I LOVE YOU, BUT…
I MUST’VE BEEN REALLY BAD…
MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE

DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? (2010)

TRYING TO GET BACK ON TRACK

YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS (2011)

WE’RE AN ITEM NOW

THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE (2011)

CHEATING TIME
HOW FOOLISH OF YOU NOT TO LOVE ME (PART 1)
THE LIGHT AT THE END…
SHE HAD EVERYTHING

FUNERAL FOR A SHOE (2011)

UNEARTHING THE PAST

ARE WE THERE, YETI? (2012)

CACTUS HEART
GLUE TO MEND A BROKEN HEART
YOU’RE NO FRIEND... LET’S BE ENEMIES!!!

Before I go I've also posted a piece called LOVE AND AMNESIA which is included in CACTUS HEART. It first appeared in my 4th collection GO 4TH AND DIVIDE (2003), which will be getting the 10th anniversary treatment next year. It's a prose piece and rather a creepy one, to be honest! I hope you enjoy it!

 Before I sign off I'd like to leave you with a link to another old poem from my "long-lost" POETRY IN MOTION album which I recorded in 2008/2009. It's called THE SOLEMN SALAMANDER and has been loaded on my SOUNDCLOUD profile just this week.

Here's the link: http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-solemn-salamander

Next week I'll be talking a bit about what I hope to be reading on Radio Wey on Saturday 11th February. It's going to be a slightly early Valentine's Day show - so expect a few sarcastic love poems!

More soon...

Yeti Hugs,

Paul xx

LOVE AND AMNESIA

They talk of love and amnesia…
The hospital says this is what it is…
They say there is a chance he will never recall…
Never remember anything leading up to the accident…
The fall…
Tumbling face-first downstairs with that sickening…
Inevitable CRACK.
When his head hit the hall tiles…
I related my official story to all the official people…
“I found him when I got home…”
That was the story I told the hospital and the police…
But the truth is…
He found me with his best friend –
In the marital bed…
In fully-fledged unfaithfulness.
That was the reality.
Nothing more…
It was over.
The day the ambulances came.
The marriage - the affair - the lies.
At least until…
The hospital says he has amnesia…
They say there is a chance he will never regain his memory of that day…
Now he’s home.
They say he has blocked out the trauma…
His fall – the shock of it - banished.
He’ll not remember.
But sometimes – in his eyes – I see…
Perhaps… Just maybe…
He does…
But we say nothing.
I’m here now.
With this sad and silent man.
The faithful wife - the mother - the carer.
Held a guilty hostage…
Because he knows I know he knows…
Because neither of us have forgotten and –
Neither of us will say a word.

LOVE AND AMNESIA  is copyright Paul Chandler 2012. This post is also Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

SHY YETI U.S.A. RETURNS

Hello folks!,

Well, this week I'm very pleased to announce that SHY YETI U.S.A. is back for its final 3 episodes... Those of you who have watched the earlier episodes will know that the first five episodes were filmed back in Summer 2011 and so far were posted in two batches: parts 1-3 during October 2011 and parts 4-5 back in December. Well, the final three episodes are due over the next months or so and were filmed during my second trip to the States back in November 2011.

The episodes are available at the following links:

Youtube: http://youtu.be/erTy_GoJMR8

Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/35557847

Here's a little more information on the latest episode to be posted...

YETI HUNT U.S.A. returns for its final 3 episodes... In Part 6: LIVE AND LET SAN DIEGO the boys head to the city of San Diego to continue their hunt for Shy Yeti's lost yeti relative. Finally it looks as if they're getting closer and have made contact! Before they meet the mysteriously named "Yeti X" much silliness ensues - not to mention 2 poems from the 10th anniversary edition of Pau's first collection: JUNK/FOOD. The pieces are entitled I AM THE GERMS and DOLPHINS CAN BE SOCIABLE. Oh... And there is also a Yeti Dance! This episode was filmed in mid-November 2011 and also stars Dominic McCauley and includes music by Luca. The copyright of this film and the poems included in it belongs to Paul Chandler, 2012.

So - having watched Part 6, what of the final two episodes? What do we have in store?

Well, I don't want to say TOO much; but what I will say is that Part 7 pretty much resolves the big search for one of Shy Yeti's yeti relatives - whilst allowing you to sample a few more poetic delights down in San Diego. I've already begun work on Part 7 and hope that it'll be ready by the start of February. Part 8, meanwhile - is kind of my farewell to California in that I get to return to some of my favourite locations as seen in my three previous "Hollywood" epics: SHY YETI GOES TO HOLLYWOOD, the four part SHY YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD; not to mention the earlier episodes of YETI HUNT that I filmed in Summer 2011. Both these episodes features poems and prose from my next collection ARE WE THERE, YETI!?; not to mention sketches and yeti dances. I'm hoping that Part 8 will be finished before the end of February - but we'll just have to see...

I can also exclusively reveal that there is one further episode filmed in Los Angeles during November 2011; a behind-the-scenes look at attempting to make a video for a first draft piece before I flew home - which also includes a trip to the Batcave from the 60s series of Batman. I'm going to hold this one back a bit and release this later in the year as I'm not quite ready to say my goodbyes to L.A. and the surrounding countryside!

Next time we'll be looking at a new compilation that I have just released for Spring 2012 called CACTUS HEART - an 80 page collection which collects together poems and prose with the theme of "lost love" from all the books that I've released since 2001. The week after that we'll be discussing my expected return to Radio Wey for a Valentine's Day show on Saturday 11th February!

Anyway - that's quite enough for now!

More next week!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

UNEXPECTED FILMING, NEW STUFF AND SOMETHING FOR YOU TO READ...

Hi,

I've been rather more busy that expected since I finished work on Friday - despite having a cold I end the weekend having achieved quite a bit creativily. I credit it all to seeing Hannah And Her Sister at the BFI on Friday; on the train home I couldn't stop writing!

So what occurred?

Well, basically I wrote quite a bit this weekend - five short stories and a couple of poems - not to mention writing about half of the poem that I have been commissioned to write for a friend's civil partnership ceremony in April.

Short Stories

You want to know more? Nosey aren't you? Okay then... I wrote five new stories - three on Friday night on the train home and two on Sunday afternoon after a pleasant walk down the old railway line between Finsbury Park and Highgate.

The titles are, as follows:

A LITTLE COMPANY

A short story about a lonely cinema-goer.

PATIENCE IS THE KEY

A story about what happens to those old friends that you forget...

A HUGE DECISION

A story about a man who has faked his death...

SAMSON'S UNRULY STREAK

A story about a cat who suddenly starts causing havoc... Or does he?

SPRITELY AND STATUESQUE

A story about a rather enchanting statue...

New Poems

There are also a couple of new poems; they were both started last year, but left unfinished. One of them I began last September and is called DRUNK ELK, after a true event that you can read about here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14842999

The other one is called I CLEANED MY DIRTY MIND (BUT IT'S STILL FILTHY!) and was one that I began around April last year. I was always rather keen on the title - so I'm glad I was able to make something out of it. Both of these I will probably unveil at my Poetry Cafe show in March, along with a couple of the new stories.

I also made a bit of headway on a poem that I am writing for the Civil Partnership of two friends of mine. But I will say no more about that for now!

A New Episode Of Shy Yeti On Location

I hadn't intended to film an episode this month, in fact I wasn't sure I would have cause to until the Poetry Cafe show or my next appearance on Radio Wey. However, the weather was bright - I had my camera with me and also something to read; not to mention Calum there to act as cameraman! So, off I went! The poems come from my SHY YETI RULES O.K. collection - which I'd just received a copy of with the new cover. I also managed plenty of silly banter and TWO - yes, count 'em - TWO YETI DANCES!!!

Other than that I also have a Vimeo link for you for JUNK/FOOD - ANNIVERSARY GIG 2

Vimeo link: http://vimeo.com/35195401

It's the same as the Youtube link, only for people who... err... prefer Vimeo, basically!

I'm also doing very well on the next video which will be YETI HUNT U.S.A. - PART 6 - although I'm not sure whether to post the SHY YETI OUT IN THE NEW FOREST video first. I'll see how it all comes together and let you know nearer the time!

Finally, I end this post with a piece that you won't have seen before because it's from my forthcoming ARE WE THERE, YETI!? collection. Still no exact date as to when this will be published, as I'm still typing up the last few pieces and will then have to finish the formatting and proofreading. I'm aiming for May-time at the moment; around the time of my Summer show, if a suitable date can be found for one.

The piece I want to share with you is called COMING CLEAN and was inspired by last Summer London riots and is a short story about what one unfortunate looter who steals the wrong item!

More soon,

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

COMING CLEAN

When Mick had joined his friends on the night of the London riots he knew in his heart that nothing good would come of it and that most of his mates were only joining in to get as much free stuff as they could lay their hands on. He realised that getting involved was a very stupid thing long before he was handed in to the Police; but losing face before his friends had been the swaying factor. He’d been drunk and peer group pressure had most definitely played a part.

His friends had been part of a gang who had broken into an electrical store. “Just get in there – take the first thing you find and then get right out as quickly as possible…” he had told himself – and so he had.

It had been like some kind of horrible dream; he could barely remember grabbing the box and running with it. It was only when he got home that he discovered that he had stolen an industrial vacuum cleaner – a state of the art one of all things! Although housework was usually the last thing on anyone’s mind in the squat that he lived in, Mick couldn’t help but open the box just to see what it looked like. However, had he managed to wheel it home; it was almost the size of a small wheelie bin – still it was a very nice – very shiny and modern.

He plugged it in. Big mistake.

“YOU DID NOT PURCHASE ME LEGALLY…” declared the machine – there was a whooshing noise and the next thing Mick knew he was heading for the Police Station in the belly of the vacuum cleaner he had stolen.

Really – talk about coming clean…

COMING CLEAN is from Paul Chandler's forthcoming collection of stories and poems - ARE WE THERE, YETI!? which is due out early Summer 2012. The story and the contents of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

A YETI-TACULAR YEAR AHEAD IN 2012...

Hi folks,

As I promised, this week I'll be giving you a run-down as to what you can expect from me during 2012. To start with, let's talk about yeti films! I want to begin here because I have a couple of new videos to bring to your attention...

JUNK/FOOD 10TH ANNIVERSARY GIG - 2

Youtube link:  http://youtu.be/Ohwk1PoieAo

This is the second film from the 10th anniversary show for my first collection of poems: JUNK/FOOD which was self-published in autumn 2001. A special 10th anniversary edition of this book was released in October 2011 and this show took place at The Poetry Cafe near Covent Garden on Friday 18th November 2011. Guest star of the night was the fantastic John Smallshaw, who also appears in this video. Other footage from this show is contained in a number of my other SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos from Winter 2011/12. Poems by Paul Chandler/Shy Yeti in this film include: EMPATHY, PEACE OF MIND IN A TEA BAG, ALTERNATIVE ROCK AND ROLL LIFE STYLE and ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL OF A SHOE - PART 1. The poems by John Smallshaw are called TUESDAY and THE OLD MARKET. Thank you for all who came to the show and also to Calum Williamson for filming the events. Music in this film is provided by Luca. The copyright of this film belongs to Paul Chandler and John Smallshaw, 2012.

SHY YETI'S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 - PART 2

This second and final part of my visit to Brugge was posted on Youtube last week - but can now be viewed on Vimeo at: http://vimeo.com/34839352

There are plenty more films to come in 2012 - although I don't expect to film any new "location" ones until April. There should be videos from my valentine's appearance on Radio Wey should that happen on the 11th February and also from my show in March; not to mention one further film from my JUNK/FOOD show last November. However there are a number of episodes filmed in 2011 in various locations that have yet to be edited...

The last 3 episodes of YETI HUNT U.S.A., plus one other "secret" episode - although I'm saving this 4th episode for a rainy day. There are also a couple of "lost" episodes from Summer 2011 - including an episode that was meant partly as a Summer special and partly as a celebration of my VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection.

NEW POETRY CAFE SHOW

There's a new show about to be announced - Friday 16th March 2012. I guess I kind of announced it then; but they'll be a proper announcement on my Facebook group page soon when they'll be more information. One thing I can reveal though is that John Smallshaw will be joining me again on the night and that we'll be holding a collection for The MS Trust.

NEW BOOKS IN 2012

There are going to be a number of new books out this year; a number of them I've been working on for quite some while in the background; but now it's time for them to have their moment. As usual there is a mixture of completely new books and also some re-issues or new compilations. We'll look at the completely new books first. Even though not all of these will be published before the end of the year I will certainly be spending a good deal of time working on them over the next 12 months.

ARE WE THERE, YETI!?

This is my first original collection of 2012 - although I've been working on it since July 2011. You've already seen one or two bits from it on videos and on the blog - but it's now almost finished as far as the writing side is concerned. This collection follows the lead of the last 3 in that it contains more prose than poetry. I am aiming for 100 pieces for this book and am currently typing up the last half dozen or so. After that there's still going to be a lot of formatting and proofing to be done - but hopefully this will be ready by the early summer. I'll guess at May, but we'll see.

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS

This is the follow-up to ARE WE THERE, YETI!? A few shorter pieces that I wrote during December 2011 were kept aside for inclusion in this collection rather than YETI!? - so techinically I have started work on it; however I doubt it will finished until the end of the year. Maybe even early 2012. As with my other recent collections I expect it to be a mixture of poems and prose.

YETI CONFETTI

At the moment this is just a provisional title for my first collection of 2012. I'll only start work on this if I finish NOT AS SHY AS I WAS. 2013 is my 40th year and I have other ideas of how I want to celebrate that and another vague idea for a book - but I'd want to have that one out by November 2013. YETI CONFETTI would fill the gap as my Spring/Summer book for 2013 - or might simply be shelved as a title until 2014. We'll see.

These next two are Mouse Of Commons books that I expect to be working on during 2012.

TALES FROM THE MCWHISKERS ARCHIVES

I only really aim to publish one Mouse Of Commons book a year and this is the one that I expect to finish and publish, probably by the Summer. TALES is a collection of short stories that I hand-wrote on holidays between 2007 and 2008 and which have resided in notepads until I caught up with my backlog. There is, at least, one more collection of short stories still to be typed - but those probably won't see the light of day until 2014; although I might type some of those later in 2012 once TALES is published. Once I'm up to date with all those stories that need typing I may even consider writing some more short stories about Gladstone McWhiskers and friends. I'll write a bit more about what's included in TALES nearer it's time of publication - but I can reveal that everything is going pretty well with the proofing and formatting side of this book.

SPLINTERS OF TIME

SPLINTERS is the sequel to 2011's COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM and although I don't expect it to be ready for publishing until sometime in 2013. I'm currently working on Chapter 3 and rather enjoying working on this project. I usually seem to be writing one new Mouse book whilst proofing another - so it's quite odd to be working on 2007 stories whilst also working on this one. Although I have a rough plot outline for this story I am allowing myself to add new ideas and developments whilst I write. It's always fun to not quite know where you're going otherwise the writing process can become rather boring. I like to be able to surprise myself, as it were!

RE-ISSUES AND NEW COMPILATIONS

There are a number of anniversary re-issues and a couple of new compilations coming out this year.

CACTUS HEART

This is a new compilation - with a loose theme of "lost love" and covers poems and short stories from 2001-2012. This will be one of the first books out this year - hopefully by my March Poetry Cafe show.

SHY YETI STILL RULES OKAY

This is the sequel to SHY YETI RULES OKAY and covers poems and stories from my last six books from THE SHY LIFE to ARE WE THERE, YETI!? You'll see some early drafts of the potential front covers for this and the original throughout this post. This compilation will hopefully be ready by May or June, around the same time as ARE WE THERE, YETI!?

SHY YETI RULES OKAY

This original volume is being re-issued around the same time as the sequel with the same cover branding.

WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS

This is another book that is being re-issued with a new cover, although in this case there has been a few amendments to the original text. For those of you not in the know WOOED AWAKENINGS and WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS are compilations of my relationship poems from my first eight books. WOOED AWAKENINGS was re-issued late last year and WOOED AWAKENINGS should be out by March and includes poems from books 5 to 8: THE AUTUMNAL E.P. to POETIQUETTE.

ROLLERCOASTER

This is a 10th anniversary edition of my second collection and should be out in time for my Poetry Cafe show in March.

THIRD TIME LUCKY

This is a 10th anniversary edition of my third collection and should be out by my proposed Poetry Cafe show in November 2012.

GO 4TH AND DIVIDE

This is a 10th anniversary edition of my 4th collection - but isn't due out until Spring 2013, along with re-issues of THE AUTUMNAL E.P. and the other early book that are not currently available as single volumes on www.lulu.com

Next week I'll share something from ARE WE THERE, YETI!? which hasn't previously seen the light of day. The new book isn't due for a while yet - but I don't think that matters!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012. The cover artwork is Copyright Paul Chandler and Pete Katsiaounis 2012.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Greetings readers!

Just a quick post to start the year as it's been a pretty busy week here in Yeti Towers...

But first, what is this curious drawing that you have attached at the top of this post, you may ask? Well, I can answer you there... It's another of Pete Katsiaounis's drawing from FUNERAL FOR A SHOE - which is still available in hardback and paperback from http://www.lulu.com/

FUNERAL FOR A SHOE is the latest collection from Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti) and includes the poems LOVE-GO-ROUND, PSYCHOPATHS STILL HAVE FEELINGS, YOUR FINAL GIRL and the short stories DONE AND DUSTED, REST IN PEACE, PET and SUMMER SKIES. There are almost 100 pieces in this volume; a novella ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL FOR A SHOE and two playlets: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS and SCEPTIC.

Paperback edition. Price: £9.99, Pages: 352, Photos: Black and White, Published: November 2011, Includes especially commissioned illustrations by Pete Katsiaounis.

Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/funeral-for-a-shoe/18669080

There is also an edition available in hardback which costs £16.99 and can be accessed at this link: http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/funeral-for-a-shoe/18670400

Returning to the subject of the artwork, there were 5 drawings done back in the autumn to accompany the five linking stories in FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. Pete has also been working on some new yeti logos and drawings, as you may remember from my last post. I'm keeping the rest of those under my hat for a little while longer! Needless to say they are extremely awesome.

Don't forget, you can read more about Pete and his artwork at: www.inkandmanners.com/

Anyway now... Onwards! Next up I have two links for you...

Part 1 of SHY YETI'S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 is now also available on Vimeo at: http://vimeo.com/34506604

...And Part 2 has just gone up on Youtube at: http://youtu.be/K1Ri_HVtITc

Here's a bit more information on the new episode...

Welcome to Shy Yeti's mini European Tour 2011... This is the second of a two part adventure in the mystic realms of the sublime and supernatural... oh, okay... it was actually just filmed in Europe in late October 2011. This episode carries on from where the previous part left us, in Bruges - and before I continue I can confirm that there is indeed a yeti dance! Poems include READY, TEDDY, GO and THE EUROVISION HERO from the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD which were recorded during the trip - topped up with a performance of I BELIEVE (another JUNK/FOOD veteran) from my November 2011 Poetry Cafe show. There is also a 100-word story called GRANDPA'S WIG. This episode also includes a small preview of future episode filmed back in Hollywood during Autumn 2011. Camera: Paul Chandler and Calum Williamson (who makes a couple of cameos in the episode too!) Music: Luca. This film and its contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2012. More soon!

This post I can also reveal which videos posted in 2011 did the best, obviously some were up for longer - but the results weren't as clear cut as that in the end! See them at the end of the message. Thanks to everyone who regularly watches the videos - it looks like mixing poems with 100-word stories works well in this format; so I'll keep on making them that way. There are plenty more episodes to come, I promise!

Next week I'll be discussing more about what you can expect from me in 2012 - and to announce my next gig at The Poetry Cafe in March; not to mention re-issues of old books and the next original collection in the pipeline.

Have fun, enjoy the videos and more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


HIGHEST RATED NEW SHY YETI VIDEOS OF 2011

AS OF 1ST OF JAN 2012

1st A YETI IN WINTER = 151 views (11th overall)
2nd TOO LATE – A SHORT STORY= 120 views (19th)
3rd A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 4 = 88 views (26th)
4th A PERFECT MATCH = 81 views (28th)
=5th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 1 = 72 views (=30th)
=5th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PT 3 = 72 views (=30th)
7th YETI DANCE A-GO-GO… = 71 views (33rd)
8th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 2 = 67 views (35th)
=9th A YETI IN PARIS = 64 views (=36th)
=9th SHY YETI LIVE – 02/04/2011 = 64 views (=36th)
11th A YETI ON RADIO WEY = 63 views (=39th)
12th AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 56 views (44th)
13th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 3 = 55 views (45th)
14th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 2 = 54 views (46th)
15th SHY YETI BACK AT THE COBALT CAFE = 53 views (47th)
16th ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 52 views (48th)
17th A YETI IN PARIS – PART 2 = 51 views (49th)
18th SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PT 1 = 50 views (50th)
19th YETI HUNT U.S.A – PART 1 = 48 views (=51st)
20th SOMETHING TO CHEW ON – A STORY= 40 views (54th)
21st SHY YETI BACK ON RADIO WEY – PT 2 = 35 views (=57th)
22nd JUNK/FOOD GIG 1 = 34 views (61st)
23rd A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS – A POEM = 32 views (62nd)
24th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 4 = 28 views (64th)
25th YETI HUNT U.S.A. – PART 5 = 25 views (=67th)
26th SHY YETI’S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 – PART 1 = 21 views (=74th)

MR SHY YETI'S SECOND SLIGHTY DISTURBING CHRISTMAS STORY!!

Hello!

So, what do you think!?! I do hope you like the new logo!

It's one of a few new logos that I'll be unveiling in 2012 in my next couple of books ARE WE THERE, YETI!?! and NOT AS SHY AS IT WAS.

The logo's by Pete Katsiaounis who also did my illustrations for the FUNERAL FOR A SHOE segment of my last collection, which I wrote about on the following blog-entry back in October: http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.com/2011_10_23_archive.html

You can read more about Pete and his artwork at: www.inkandmanners.com/

I am also pleased to be able to announce another new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode. It's the first of two that I filmed back in late October and it's called SHY YETI'S MINI EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 - PART 1: FROM LILLE TO...

The link is: http://youtu.be/2W8SadxiiTQ

Here's a bit more information about it...

Welcome to Shy Yeti's mini European Tour 2011... This is the first part of a two part adventure in time and space... oh, okay... it was actually just filmed in Europe in late October 2011. This episode begins in Lille before heading off to... Well, you'll have to wait and see before I reveal that! Poems include DISCO from the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD and performances of EIGHT-LEGGED DISCRIMINATION and YETI SPAGHETTI from my November 2011 Poetry Cafe show. Camera: Paul Chandler and Calum Williamson (who makes a couple of cameos in the episode too!) Music: Luca. This film and its contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2011. Part 2 follows by new year...

Last, but not least - I present the second of my two Christmas stories; a slightly macabre festive offering called TAKE CARE WHEN GIVING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS...

I hope you enjoy it!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS YETI FOLK! and thanks for reading the blog this year and for watching the videos. They'll be more from me in the New Year and Part 2 of my mini European tour!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

TAKE CARE WHEN GIVING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS…

        You have to be so careful when you're giving Christmas presents…

          I never realised quite how devious people can be; but I learnt the hard way…

          When I grudgingly gave my ex-wife a present I had no idea what would happen. All year we'd spent battling in the courts over the divorce and she'd ended up with pretty much everything; including the kids. I’m not quite sure how it ended up that way, as she had left me, still – it did. Anyway… Be reasonable, I thought. It's only a box of chocolates for all she does to look after our kids. Kate seemed surprised - standing there on the doorstep when I took them for the weekend; her new boyfriend there in the hallway behind her, poised to pounce in case of trouble.

          “Thank you…” Kate said crisply. “I haven't got anything for you, I’m afraid…”

          It was no surprise; but I told her that having time with the kids was enough of a present – that nothing more was required; sickly, I know – but almost true.

          Anyway, mission accomplished, I thought. At least I presumed it was so.

          But little did I know what some people do - that some people unwrap their presents early – decide that they don’t want them and simply pass them on.

          Little did I realise then that my present to Kate was opened and discarded and then wrapped again and passed onto her sister. Who did the same and passed it on to her niece, who didn’t like dark chocolate and so wrapped them again and gave them to Auntie Maud who ended up spending Christmas Day at my parent’s house and…

          Anyway… It all got very confusing - and unfortunate too.

          But this is why you have to be so careful when giving Christmas presents…

          ...And it’s also how in a round-a-bout way that I ended up poisoning my own dear mother, rather than my hated, deceitful bitch of an ex-wife.

TAKE CARE WHEN GIVING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS appears in my next collection ARE WE THERE, YETI!? which is due out in late-Spring 2012. This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.