THE SHY LIFE IS RELEASED FROM CAPTIVITY!!!

Hi,

I just thought I'd give you a little more information on the new book: THE SHY LIFE, which is now available from LULU. I'll be having a book launch party for it on Friday 6th November 2009; so expect some photos soon! :) I'm busy working on the next collection: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? and have, so far, completed 32 new poems. Although I will keep you up to date on how I progress with this you can get more regular updates via my Twitter page. See more below. At the end of this post you will also find a new poem of mine; one of my favourites from the new collection: STEALING MY THUNDER.

Anyway... Onto the new book!!

THE SHY LIFE
by PAUL CHANDLER
Paperback, 250 pages, £9.99 + p&p

THE SHY LIFE is the third and final book of Paul's 2009 trilogy containing fifty completely new poems; from the silly to the more serious. They were written during summer 2009 and include: THE CREATIVE GNU, COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER, AN ESKIMO IN MY TEA, HOLLYWOOD: LOW BUDGET, PROUD TO BE A LIBRARIAN, RESCUING BEAR CUBS ON BUSES and THE UNAFFORDABLE FJORD, which Paul has performed at gigs and open-mike nights this year. There are also links to all the BLOGTV shows that Paul has done this summer, photos from the summer European tour and news on how his book launches and gigs have gone!

You can read more about it and preview some of the pages at:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-shy-life/5623371

If you'd like to keep up with my Tweets (which are mostly about my writing) on Twitter, then my account is: http://twitter.com/SHYYETI

To finish with here is the new poem!

I hope you enjoy it! More soon from both the new collection and the even newer collection!! :)

Take care.

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS The version of "THE SHY LIFE" cover used above was the one I had during my trip to Nice in early October 2009 - the cover has since changed slightly and the new version can be seen via the link to the LULU site. :)


STEALING MY THUNDER


Why DO they keep stealing my thunder?
Why DON’T they get some of their own?
They could go and buy some on the net –
Or I hear it's quite easily grown!
My thunder is no-one's for taking...
It belongs just to me, that *IS* that!
I use it to frighten the birds off –
Or to help shoo away next-door's cat!
They grumble because they can't have it!
And they give me the fiercest of stares!
What makes them come after my thunder?
Do they just want it because it's not theirs?


They keep on just stealing my thunder…
They are thieves and they're liars to boot –
& can't keep their paws to themselves, no!
They're obsessed with desire to loot…
My thunder is kept in a suitcase;
Which I like to keep under my bed…
But they sneaked in and tried to obtain it!
So I keep it now close to my head!
I keep it there under my hat now!
But I fear that they'll find it, in time…
Why can't they just get their own thunder?
Rather than resorting to vile petty crime!?!


They're out there; out stealing my thunder!
Does it make them feel terribly big?
Do they get off on being the bully?
But one with the might of a twig!
My thunder is mine and it's precious...
It was passed down to me by my nan!
In the summer I also use lightning –
Just to get me an all-over tan!
It is mine and I like to unleash it...
No, I'm not going to give it away!
Oh, what would life be without thunder!?
Storms would sound silly; in sad disarray!


They're after it - after my thunder...
If they don't stop I'm gonna get mean!!
I will do a rain dance just to spite them...
To cause storms like you never have seen!
Well, my temper is short and it's fiery!
If they thieve or attempt to just plunder!
They'll soon see all the fury I'm storing –
And my anger is rumbling like thunder!
If they try it – I’ll give ‘em regrets though!
So, I'll make one last friendly appeal...
If you wish to purloin you some thunder!
Get your own dear and please do not steal!

COUNTDOWN TO "THE SHY LIFE"

Hello!

It's now less than a month until my next collection "THE SHY LIFE" is to be published, although at time of writing I still have about another two weeks of frantic proofreading to complete - but if all goes to plan the final version of the book should go to Lulu by Friday 23rd October, two weeks before the book launch on Friday 6th of November 2009. Keep your paws crossed for me, please.

In this post I intend to post a chronology of the writing of "THE SHY LIFE" to date as well as briefly covering my recent BLOGTV gig on the 30th September. I am also just back from Nice where I was working on my next collection "DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?" and have currently written more than a dozen new pieces with a number of others nearly complete. I was also taking some photos for this new collection whilst in France and am travelling to Poland to take some more in mid-November. You'll also see a few of the Nice photos in this post. Titles for the next book currently include: ASK NICELY..., BREAKING HEARTS IS SUCH A BITCH!!, THE CAFFEINE QUEEN..., A CHEERLEADER FOR YOU!!, D.J., DARLING..., DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?, FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE A PAIN IN THE ARSE..., JUST HOW SLUTTY ARE LIBRARY BOOKS?, LOVELY LIES..., LOVE YOU, STINKY..., THE MYSTERIOUS ART OF LUMPOLOGY..., NEIGHBOURS FOR NOW..., A SAINT OR A SINNER!?, SECOND 29TH BIRTHDAY..., A VAMPIRE FOR CAKE...

Once "THE SHY LIFE" is off to the printers I will post another entry and include one of the new poems from this collection.

But for now - here is how the new book came to be almost ready for publication!

I hope you find it and some of the photos of interest! The cover of "THE SHY LIFE" that appears in the photos is slightly different from the finished version - sadly the pink fluffy hat has been banished!! :)

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

THE SHY LIFE - A TIME LINE

APRIL 2009

9th April – THERE AREN’T ANY NEW TRICKS, the first poem for THE SHY LIFE is begun – only another 7 months and the book will be published!

MAY 2009

12th May – THERE AREN’T ANY NEW TRICKS completed.

26th May – THE SHY LIFE first mentioned on my blog as the tentative title for the collection after CAVEMAN LOGIC.

During May a total 12 new poems are completed for the collection.

JUNE 2009

18th June – THE SHY LIFE is mentioned on my blog and is developing nicely!

20th June – MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY is the first poem from THE SHY LIFE to be read during my 4th broadcast on BLOGTV.

24th June – THE FLAMINGO WHO HATED PINK read on my 6th BLOGTV show.

During June a total of 20 new poems are completed for the collection.

JULY 2009

2nd July – An entry on my blog discusses that THE SHY LIFE poems have been debuted on BLOGTV. On the same day I read PROUD TO BE A LIBRARIAN and FULL OF HOT AIR during my 11th BLOGTV.

4th July – During the second half of my 12th broadcast on BLOGTV I debut 4 new poems from THE SHY LIFE: HOLLYWOOD: LOW BUDGET, IF YETI WERE SHY, IT’S EASY BEING NICE IF YOU’VE A BUTLER and KISS ME QUICK.

6th July – During my 13th broadcast I read KISS ME QUICK again as I had run out of time during the previous show.

7th July – Located lost notebook containing a number poem ideas from a trip to Oslo in November 2008 and decided that they were worth finishing. These poems included THE UNAFFORDABLE FJORD, AN ESKIMO IN MY TEA and A LITTLE VIKING.

11th July – During my 15th broadcast I read RESCUING BEARCUBS ON BUSES and the AFFORDABLE FJORD in the first half of the show and A LITTLE VIKING, ARREST ME, HANDSOME and AN ESKIMO IN MY TEA during the second half.

15th July – An entry on my blog claims: THE SHY LIFE will be ready by November.

20th July – During my 18th broadcast I debut A DARK SIDE TO YOU.

21st July – During my 19th broadcast I debut I MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY BAD, I’M JUST TOO GOOD FOR THE MOVIES, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME in the first half of the show and I’VE HAD ENOUGH, A FETE WORSE THAN DEATH and PARALLEL WORLD during the second half.

During July a total of 16 new poems are completed for the collection.

AUGUST 2009

1st-18th August – Proofreading for THE SHY LIFE is carried out during my Munich to Budapest trip, travelling along the Danube via Vienna. The last two poems are completed: THE CREATIVE GNU and COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER. Also whilst away many photos which appear in the finished book are taken.

22nd August – I debut THE CREATIVE GNU and COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER during my 20th BLOGTV broadcast.

25th August – An entry on my blog mentions that the proofreading has been done whilst away – around this time I am adding photos from the book to the existing copy. The first poem to be posted from THE SHY LIFE also appears in this blog entry: THE CREATIVE GNU, one of the poems that I completed on holiday.

During August the final 2 poems are completed and proofreading begins.

SEPTEMBER 2009

7th September – A 254 page draft of THE SHY LIFE is sent to Lulu.com and 2 copies are produced. The finished books needs to be edited down by approximately 4 pages and photos and a report from the September gig will be added.

8th September – During a blog entry the full list of poem titles from THE SHY LIFE is revealed, as well as the publication date (Friday 6th November), the page count and price. Another of the holiday poems: COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER is posted at the same time, only the 2nd poem from the new book to be posted, so far.

11th September – The draft Lulu version of THE SHY LIFE arrives and I begin to make some changes, reducing the number of screen-grabs used in the BLOGTV section, lightening some of the photos and adding this TIME LINE section.

16th September – At my CAVEMAN LOGIC gig on this day I read 4 poems from THE SHY LIFE. These were: COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER, HOLLYWOOD: LOW BUDGET, IF YETI WERE SHY and KISS ME QUICK.

30th September – Now busy with my next book: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS, I do a BLOGTV show version of my recent Poetry Café gig, with a couple of changes: IF YETI WERE SHY, RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR, THINGS AIN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE (PT 1), READY, TEDDY, GO…, WAVES, THE CAFFEINE QUEEN, BREAKING HEARTS IS SUCH A BITCH!!, UNFULFILLED, FLAUNT TRADITION, KISS ME QUICK, HERBAL TEABAGS, LAS VEGAS LIPS, THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY, CAVEMAN LOGIC, THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR, FLOOZY, SOON ON YOUR WAY, COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER, THE TRUE LIGHT, A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, I WILL EAT PIES, DISCO, EXIT PURSUED BY A YETI

OCTOBER 2009

1st – 4th October – Continued final proofreading of THE SHY LIFE and work on new material. Having received the draft hard copy from Lulu I work on final editing during a trip to Nice between the 1st and the 4th of October - with only a few changes to be made on my return...

Here are some of the photos from the Nice trip - THE SHY LIFE should reach the printers by 23rd October and be ready for my book launch on 6th November... Postal strikes allowing!

MY SECOND COVENT GARDEN GIG

POETRY CAFE, WEDNESDAY 16TH SEPTEMBER 2009, 19.00-21.00

Originally scheduled for Sunday 6th September, my second Poetry Café gig of 2009 eventually took place ten days later on Wednesday the 16th of September. Due to mid-week-itus the turn out was smaller than hoped, but those who did turn up did an amazing job of making it a really fun night. I read a mixture of the old, the new and the even newer; as well as some pieces that I’ve never read live before and also one of my Auntie Astrid columns from the Mouse of Commons books. The idea of asking the audience to select a title from 4 random poems seemed to work too and resulted in me reading poems like WOULD AUDREY HEPBURN DO IT and YOU AND WHOSE ARMY, which I’d not thought about in ages. I think my favourite poem of the night was WHY AGNES, YOU’RE LOVELY! Simply because I surprised myself by how it came out when I read it. I was also pleased how well one of my newest poems THE CAFFEINE QUEEN went, whilst the random poems called out from CAVEMAN LOGIC turned out to be some of the weirdest ones! The other poem that seemed to have gone down well was WAVES, which was written about the death of my Great Aunt Jessie in 2001; it was lovely to here that it seemed to have affected people. As far as old poems were concerned I read YOUR APRIL FOOL because Gareth, who inspired it was in the audience, MY DOG IN A DRESS got another outing as Neph was there and YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH for Kirk as it was inspired by his cat. I finished with three favourites – A LEARNING EXPERIENCE and I WILL EAT PIES actually being called for by the audience.

Thanks to Anthea, Calum, Gareth, Harry, Johnnie, Kirk, Neph, Ross and Robert for coming a long and making an old yeti very happy!!

THE SHY LIFE is due out November 6th and I'll be posting more poems from it soon!

Bye for now!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul x


WHICH POEMS I READ…

This is pretty much the order in which I read the poems on the night, but I did go rather drastically off the original order from the programme; resuscitating some new poems and allowing the audience to dictate what I read more along the way by offering them 4 titles and getting them to choose one and then later repeating this by getting them to select titles from CAVEMAN LOGIC which were printed in their programme. What poems they chose from is lost in the mists of time (it was all such a frantic poetic whirl!) and the exact order that I read the poems, as listed below, might be slightly incorrect for the same reason.

FIRST HALF

IF YETI WERE SHY
RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR
THINGS AIN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE (PT 1)
READY, TEDDY, GO…
WAVES
UNFULFILLED
(AUDIENCE CHOSE FROM 4 TITLES)
THE CAFFEINE QUEEN
I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS)
WHY AGNES, YOU’RE LOVELY!
POLITELY ENRAGED
DO SHEEP MIGRATE
RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE
(CHOSEN BY AUDIENCE - 4 TITLES)
HERBAL TEABAGS
FOXED
LITTLE PIG
MY DOG IN A DRESS
REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15
BETTER BY FAR
KISS ME QUICK
WE WERE GOING TO BE WED…
CHILLI PEPPER FINGERS
FLAUNT TRADITION
WOULD AUDREY HEPBURN DO IT?
(CHOSEN BY AUDIENCE - 4 TITLES)
YOUR APRIL FOOL
DISCO

SECOND HALF

EXIT PURSUED BY A YETI
FURRY FROM THE DEEP
HOPELESS ROMANTIC
HOLLYWOOD: LOW BUDGET
LAS VEGAS LIPS
GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY
HENS AND STAGS
YOU AND WHOSE ARMY
(CHOSEN BY AUDIENCE - 4 TITLES)
AUNTIE ASTRID’S ANGST ARENA: DEREK ANTEATER
CAVEMAN LOGIC
BUY ME A POET’S LICENCE
ATTACK CAT
PSYCHOPATHIC POPPADOMS
EDNA LOVELYSHOES
OWLS IN BRAS
SARCASM VS SURREALISM
(AUDIENCE CHOSE LAST 5 POEMS)
YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR
SOON ON YOUR WAY
COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER
THE TRUE LIGHT
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
I WILL EAT PIES

THE SHY LIFE, NEXT POETRY CAFE GIG AND DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS???

Hello,

Just an update on the current poetic state of play in my fur-filled neck of the woods...

My next gig at the Poetry Cafe is on Wednesday 16th September; be there for a glass of wine around 7 - the readings start as near to 7.15 as possible. More on that next week - but you can check my FACEBOOK group for the full details and directions.

At my gig I'll be reading a mixture of old and new poems - but with the focus on my recent CAVEMAN LOGIC collection. Moving on the future though I can reveal that my next book will be revealed on Friday the 6th of November as part of my birthday celebrations. This book has 50 new compositions written during the summer of 2009, as well as links to all my BLOGTV performances and photos from my recent European Tour. The book is called THE SHY LIFE - as you'll have seen from the provisional cover above; it's 250 pages long and will be available for £9.99 from Lulu.com and here are the titles of the poems included:

AN ESKIMO IN MY TEA...
ARREST ME, HANDSOME...
THE BALLAD OF THE PIE-PIPER...
BITTER SWEETHEART...
COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER...
COMPLETE ME...
THE CREATIVE GNU...
CRY WOLF, VIRGINIA...
A DARK SIDE TO YOU...
DOING WELL FOR HIMSELF...
DROP DEAD, GORGEOUS...
FAME FOR BEGINNERS...
A FETE WORSE THAN DEATH...
THE FLAMINGO WHO HATED PINK...
FULL OF HOT AIR...
GOODBYE, YET NOT FAREWELL...
HOLLYWOOD: LOW BUDGET...
HOORAY FOR BEARS...
I LOVE YOU, BUT...
I MUST’VE BEEN REALLY BAD...
I WANT TO DIE WITH STYLE...
I’M JUST TOO GOOD FOR THE MOVIES...
IF YETI WERE SHY...
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME...
IT’S EASY BEING NICE WHEN YOU’VE A BUTLER...
IT’S MUTUAL...
I’VE HAD ENOUGH...
I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN...
KISS ME QUICK...
A LITTLE VIKING...
LOVE’S SWEET GUESSING GAME...
MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE...
MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY...
THE MAN WHO ATE CATERPILLARS...
MY BEAUTY IS NATURAL...
NOTHING CAN SAVE US NOW...
PARALLEL WORLD...
PRISONER: CELL BLOCK MOUSE...
PROUD TO BE A LIBRARIAN...
RESCUING BEAR CUBS ON BUSES...
SLEEPING STANDING UP...
STEALING MY THUNDER...
THERE AREN’T ANY NEW TRICKS...
TO HULL AND BACK AGAIN...
THE UNAFFORDABLE FJORD...
THE UNSUCCESSFUL SUSSEX SEX-PEST...
WARM SHEETS...
WHEN THE CAT SAW THE BOY...
WOLF-WHISTLING WORKMEN...
THE WORLD AND HIS WIFE...

THE SHY LIFE was proofed during my summer tour, hence a lot of the photos coming from that trip - and I have just sent off for a final proof copy and intend to be making final changes in early October, in ready for the book launch on Friday the 6th November 2009.

I can also reveal that I've written the "title track" of my first collection for 2010: which I have christened: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? I'll post that poem up here at some point, but hope to debut it on BLOGTV sometime soon. I also intend to broadcast a BLOGTV version of my September gig - but, as yet I haven't decided on a date, time or place.

At the moment, other than preparing for the gig I'm not writing as much poetry as I have been lately as I'm busy putting the finishing touches to a Mouse of Commons book that I am hoping will be ready by new year 2010 (the start of the 10th anniversary year of the Mouse of Commons and a decade since MOUSE OF COMMONS - MOUSE OF LORDS was first completed.) I hope to write some more poems during the autumn and winter and have provisionally scheduled DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS for sometime during Summer 2010 - but knowing how prolific I have been of late who can say. Other than the one poem already completed for the 2010 collection I can guarantee that many of the photos will come from my 2nd European Tour of 2009 - as I am visiting Nice in October and Krakow in November and possibly another location during December.

To finish this post I'll return to THE SHY LIFE and post another new piece, written in Budapest back in August. It's all very silly - but there's nothing wrong with that!

More on how my gig went late next week.

Best wishes and furry hugs!

Paul x


COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER

Colin’s a spider who likes to consume…
As he sways on his web in some dusty old room!
He does not like prunes and he cannot stand mustard!
But what Colin adores is a bowl of cold custard…

He will not eat peaches…
He can’t abide cream...
And he doesn’t think cakes –
Are as nice as they seem!
No, he won’t lick the bowl;
For just any dessert…
No, it is only thick custard –
That can keep him alert!
It is only cold custard –
That makes him feel merry…
No, he will not eat chocolate –
Nor some lone loganberry!

Colin’s a spider who’s fond of his grub…
But he won’t eat takeaway – nor have food down the pub!
No, he won’t sit and blub; no, he won’t look disgusted!
He’ll just pour from the fridge a large bowl of cold custard!

He will not eat worms…
He can’t stomach elastic!
If he chewed on a shoe…
Things would be a tad drastic!
Neither toad in the hole –
Or Tabasco are favoured!
It’s no to corn on the cob –
And food synthetically flavoured!
It is only cold custard –
That makes his day better!
He avoids every cheese –
Yes, especially feta!

Colin’s a spider who’s fast and he’s greedy…
His eight tiny legs oh so hairy, so speedy!
But he doesn’t act needy; he can always be trusted!
Cos, what is good for his soul is a bowl of cold custard!

He will not eat sweets…
He won’t choke down éclairs!
He will not eat cherries –
In bunches nor pairs!
There is no way on god’s earth –
That he’d gobble mince pies…
And he’s not one of those spiders –
That would ever eat flies…
It is only cold custard –
That he’ll gulp back in haste!
Ah, cos Colin’s a spider –
With quite specific taste…

BACK FROM ME EUROPEAN TOUR! ;)

Hello!

The wanderer returns... Not that you'll probably have noticed...

At any rate, I've been away for quite a lot of August on my little European Tour and whilst I was away I was doing a lot of the proofreading of my next collection of poems: THE SHY LIFE, which is due out in November. As it stands the book will contain, at least, 50 new poems - photos from my tour, the usual behind-the-scenes stuff about the poems themselves and information about my gigs, BLOGTV appearances and anything else of note: including all the links to any available content that might be on other sites.

My next proper gig is on Wednesday 16th September at The Poetry Cafe, Covent Garden from around 19:00 until about 21:00.

More information nearer the time - but for now I'll post up one of my newest poems which was inspired by my old friend Lee Freeman, with whom I worked a great deal with in the 90s on projects such as SUTTON PARK, ROLAND QUAVERALL, TRAVELLERS and CANDLEMAN. Wherever you may be now, Lee - I hope you get to read this one day...

It's remarkably silly. Very Lee!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


MY CREATIVE GNU


My creative gnu,
He is there to advise!
There is none that I know…
Who is nearly so wise!
Yes, his knowledge is special...
Dare I say it, essential!
There's no doubt this gnu!
Has fantastic potential!
He's a creature of vision;
And that vision won’t blur!
He's the one who designed –
The brown bear’s booming grrr!
He’s the one who foresaw –
Last week’s new biggest hit –
And who fashioned instructions –
Which taught me to knit!
My creative gnu…
He is quite unsurpassed!
Tapping into his talents!
Cross your paws that they last!

My creative gnu –
My creative gnu…
He’s full of creations –
That are brilliant and new!
His ideas are the kind –
That can not be berated!
Yes, they’re clever and wholesome!
And never X-rated!

My creative gnu,
Is a wonderful beast!
So superbly inventive…
Once his thoughts are released!
His ideas can't be faulted!
They're always precise!
There's no doubt my gnu!
Whips them up in a trice!
Of his skills, oh so modest!
Not some arrogant boaster…
He's the one who invented –
The time travelling toaster!
The one who came up –
With vegetarian ham!
With the pocket-sized pie;
And with self-spreading jam!
My creative gnu…
He's a wonderful fellow!
His ideas should be bottled –
And captured in jello!

My creative gnu –
My creative gnu…
He’s full of creations –
That make you go WOO!!
His ideas are the sort –
That can not be insulted!
As he ensures that all cats –
Cannot be catapulted!

My creative gnu,
Really should be saluted!
He’s a force to be reckoned with…
Not a force to be muted!
With his grand master plan –
He will solve all our woes!
There's no doubt this gnu will be missed if he goes!
Such a great inspiration!
My dear pal, mon ami!
It is he who ensures –
That ham tastes really
hammy!
He’s the one who designed –
Buffalo underpants…
Bobble-hats just for moths!
Pogosticks used by ants!
My creative gnu…
There’s no end to his wonder!
It’s a talent to celebrate!
Which he knows not to squander!

My creative gnu –
My creative gnu…
He’s full of creations –
Brain waves that just grew!
His ideas are the type –
Only gnus seem to fathom!
I’m not sure how they do it!
I’m just glad that they have ‘em!

PS The photo of the top is of my friend Ceri and Becky's new cat George who has saved the day by illustrating this post as I don't have any pictures of my recent trip to hand. Perhaps George is my creative gnu... Except he's a cat not a gnu! Oh well, it was a thought!!!

SHY YETI’S FIRST 2009 BOOK LAUNCH

SUNDAY, 12th JULY 2009, FITZROVIA

On Sunday 12th July I held my first book launch of 2009, in both The Cock Tavern and Horse & Groom on Great Portland Street, Fitzrovia. We were launching CAVEMAN LOGIC as well as the new, finally released GOSSIP FROM THE CHEESE COUNTER collection - and also celebrating the arrival, earlier in the year of IF POEMS WERE PIES and SHY YETI RULES O.K.

Here are some photos from the day. Thank you to Harry, Calum, Gareth, Andrew, Lloyd, Tom, Robert, Andy and Gibson for coming along on the day.

More news on my BLOGTV broadcasts, September gig, November book launch and forthcoming collection: THE SHY LIFE over the next few months.

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

BUSY ON BLOGTV...

As mentioned in my previous post, my new collection: CAVEMAN LOGIC is now available for £8.99 at: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/caveman-logic/5957268

I am busy with my next collection and have already written over half of it. In addition to this I have been blogging on a site called BLOGTV. I do a regular half hour show on a saturday morning between about 9.30-10.00. During the show I talk about what I've been writing and then record a ten minute section where I read between 3 and 4 poems. I've recorded 11 shows, so far - some from the saturday shows and some from short-notice shows and I've been reading a mixture of poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC and work-in-progress THE SHY LIFE, as well as reading some old favourites.

Following this are brief details on tests 8-10, with the poems that I recorded, commments and links to the actual videos. Once on the site you will be able to watch any of the other tests. You can also set up your own profile and do you own shows, although if you just want to watch the films you don't have to have a profile. The pictures at the top of the page are screen grabs from some of the shows.

I'll post some more new poems soon!

Enjoy the films!

Furry hugs,

Paul x

THE 8TH TEST:
SATURDAY 27th JUNE 2009

READ: BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING, OLD BAG FOR LIFE, ROBOTS AND WRONGUN’S - ALL FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009)

This show was recorded at around 9:45 on the 27th June 2009, but I broadcast for about 15 minutes beforehand and five minutes after – talking about putting CAVEMAN LOGIC on Lulu.com, which had happened just days before and also a little about working on GOSSIP FROM THE CHEESE COUNTER, the Mouse of Commons book that I was also completing at the time. Once started I read four poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC: BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS I had never read live, but had posted on my blog that week, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING I had read at my gig on March 1st 2009, when it was a very new composition. OLD BAG FOR LIFE and ROBOTS & WRONGUNS made their debut here. Having completed the broadcast I received a message from BLOGTV saying the recording hadn’t worked and so I began to perform it again. This time I got as far as OLD BAG FOR LIFE and the internet connection went down. Running out of time, at this point, I then discovered that the majority of the first version of the recording had saved and so I left it at that! Phew!!

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXuZuVHb_&pos=ancr
DURATION: 8 MINUTES 55 SECONDS


THE 9TH TEST:
SUNDAY 28th JUNE 2009

READ: CAVEMAN LOGIC, THE LAST LOVE LETTER, REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15, SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK. POEM 1 & 2 FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009), POEM 3 & 4 FROM: SHY YETI RULES O.K. (2009).

This show was an unexpected recording – the day after TEST 8, recorded around 16:35-16:45 on a Sunday afternoon, although after advertising that the show was coming up on Facebook (which I had done with TEST 8 and some of the earlier tests), I also nattered for about 5 minutes before and after the recording. I hadn’t expected to do another recording until Saturday 4th July, but in the end found myself with some time to record another show. I decided to read two new poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC collection and 2 from SHY YETI RULES O.K. The only one of these four poems that had been read live before was SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK, which I’d done at a reading in Derby in April 2008 and which was originally from my 2002 collection: ROLLERCOASTER. REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15 was a poem that I had largely forgotten until I came to compile the SHY YETI RULES O.K. book and being about commuter nightmares it still seemed very relevant. It made its first appearance in my 2003 collection: GO 4TH & DIVIDE. As quite a few of my previous shows had been done without much announcement or as with TEST 5-7 before work, I had yet take notice of viewing number for each TEST and had forgotten that you don’t have to be a member of BLOGTV to watch. I was a bit disconsolate to discover no viewers (and had been the previous day with TEST 8), until I noticed on the other corner of the screen that I had a good half dozen viewers, which I was pleased with seeing as I’d only announced this TEST with about 10 minutes notice. Readers who have seen this particular TEST or have access to it will notice a cameo from poet’s inspiration - Kirk’s cat, Nightshade – who jumps on the bed at the start of THE LAST LOVE LETTER, wiggles her bottom around for a few seconds and then shoots off the bed again!! What a STAR!!

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXub2THbX&pos=ancr
DURATION: 10 MINUTES 00 SECONDS


THE 10TH TEST:
MONDAY 29th JUNE 2009

READ: RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE, A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH, I WILL EAT PIES. POEM 1, 2 & 4 FROM: SHY YETI RULES O.K. (2009). POEM 3 FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC. (2009).

This show was recorded at quite short notice – with about a 30 minute warning on Facebook, one evening after work. It was recorded at around 8:45, although I logged on about 5 minutes before and discussed which poems I was going to read, mentioned Nightshade (who was also mentioned in the show itself and was sitting behind me on the dark bed spread and didn’t really show up! Having done the majority of the show with no live viewers I suddenly gained 3 towards the end of the show and so once I’d finished recording I went back and read RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE for a second time, but didn’t record that version. Of the 4 poems, 3 were from SHY YETI RULES O.K., but A LEARNING EXPERIENCE originally appeared in my 2002 collection ROLLERCOASTER. This has been a recent favourite of mine at gigs and open-mike nights. RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE comes from my 2008 book SHY YETI’S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION and I originally made it’s debut on my blog on Christmas Day 2007, whilst I WILL EAT PIES was included in my 2007 volume RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR... I read I WILL EAT PIES at my March 2009 gig, but made a bit of a cock up (although I’m not sure anyone noticed because I just kept reading anyway!) Still, it was nice to record it and not make such a bodge on this occasion. YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH made it’s debut here and comes from my most recent collection CAVEMAN LOGIC.

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXubeRHbP&pos=ancr
DURATION: 9 MINUTES 43 SECONDS

CAVEMAN LOGIC!!!

OUT NOW!!!

Hi,

This is just to announce that CAVEMAN LOGIC is OUT and available on Lulu.com at:
http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/caveman-logic/5957268

Here's a bit more information...

Description:

CAVEMAN LOGIC is Paul Chandler's 2nd book of poetry during 2009; written between January and May 2009. Paul's nom-de-plume is SHY YETI and this collection clearly shows just how quickly yeti can get working when it comes to rhyme an general daftness. CAVEMAN LOGIC includes over 65 new compositions, including: THE BALLAD OF BOROUGH MARKET, FOXED, I'M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY, OWLS IN BRAS, THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH, SNOW BUNNIES & YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL. Some of these pieces have already been performed around London, others will be aired on his European Tour in August 2009 and others may well appear during open-mike nights and gigs over the next few months.

Download: 1 documents, 124445 KB £4.99
Printed: 200 pages, 6" x 9", perfect binding, black and white interior ink
Hardcopy: £8.99

I have also been blogging on BLOGTV and recorded a show today including 3 poems from the new book: THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH, THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY and BUY ME A POET'S LICENCE

You can watch this 9 minute show at:
http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXuZeZFbX&pos=ancr

To finish with, here is another poem from CAVEMAN LOGIC - BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, which I hope you'll enjoy!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
Which he bought in Matalan...
He's been down the health salon –
He's got himself an orange tan!
Yes - and his ears are smartly pierced;
He went for studs instead of hoops –
He's got a tablet of Viagra –
Just in case he gets the droops!
Just in case the horse has bolted –
As a swift shot in the arm...
But with his brand new lucky knickers –
Well, he's got automatic charm!

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
With his eyebrows neatly brushed...
He takes ages getting ready –
He always feels as if he's rushed!
He has flossed his teeth precisely –
Trimmed the hairs right up his nose...
Rinsed the debris from his ears –
Good lord, he's even washed his clothes!
He is really quite the lad –
Although his hair is quite effete!
Whichever boy or girl he pulls –
They will have won themselves a treat!

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
They are bound to bring him pleasure!
They're a little on the tight side –
Alas, they were not made to measure...
But they show him off quite nicely –
Let's just say he doesn't need a sock!
As he holds his lover tightly –
And pouts some karaoke rock!
Although he's very slim of waist –
He has begun to feel the pinch...
Well, a talent such as his –
Needs to be taken inch by inch!

He's got his brand new pulling pants on!
He’s not been seen in them before...
If he doesn't pull tonight –
Then he will be a total bore!
What a way to spend an evening –
It gives a boy something to do...
And it keeps him off the streets –
All those who'd like to; form a queue!
He will weave his magic spell –
The secret's simply not to care!
He's got the whole world in his pants –
In brand new pulling underwear!

THE NEW AND THE EVEN NEWER!!!

Hi,

I just thought I'd update you on how things are going with CAVEMAN LOGIC, my next book of poems. I have received my first draft copy and whilst away last week up in the Hull/Beverley/Bridlington area I made amendments on the hard copy and this week I've been making the changes to the electronic version of the text. If all goes well this will be completed by early next week - the new version will be uploaded onto www.lulu.com by mid-week; which means that CAVEMAN LOGIC should be available to purchase on the LULU site by about the 1st of July.

More news when I have it, but it's looking good and I'm very pleased with how it has come out. I'll be posting a couple of my favourites from the new collection around the time of the launch.

Meanwhile, I've doing very well with the next collection - which is still going under the title of THE SHY LIFE. More about that once CAVEMAN LOGIC has been published - but as I type I have 25 new poems and another dozen or so in different stages. At the rate I'm going I could quite reasonably expect to have another collection ready by Christmas. But we shall see...

Anyway, one of the poems that I have completed this week is called MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY and I'm really pleased with it, so I have reproduced a first draft of it here for you to (hopefully) enjoy!

Next time I will probably tell you a little about my cheekily entitled: SHY YETI TOUR OF EUROPE!! :)

Anyway - enjoy the new poem!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY...


I'm making toast for the enemy...
As a way to be nice...
To set aside our dislike!
To simply put it on ice!
I'm quite aware of the past...
From experience I've learnt!
But I'm keeping an eye open...
So the toast won't get burnt!
I have softened the butter...
So it’ll spread like a dream!
I am smiling my widest...
Whilst wishing death to the team!
I've got jams of all flavours –
And some thick marmalade!
So, I’ll make toast for the enemy...
Their every wishes obeyed!


I'm making cake for the enemy...
As a way to seem sweet!
As a way to get round them...
Just to side-step defeat!
I'm quite aware of the tension...
That is rapidly brewing!
But I'd rather not sit there –
Just angrily stewing!
No, I'd rather make cake –
I won't bake in some grit...
I won't fill it with poison –
And I'll not try to spit!
I'll make sponge to appease them...
Smooth some icing on top!
If I make cake for the enemy...
Will the menacing stop?


I'm making tea for the enemy...
I am quenching their thirst!
I am dodging their punches...
But who'll come off the worst?
'Cos my tea is not great...
Sometimes it's lukewarm at best!
Either too sugary or strong...
Or simply too hot to test!
Either too milky or sickly...
I had better take care!
Not to drop in a grenade...
That could blow off their hair!
Because I'm trying to be kind...
I simply must grasp the nettle...
So I’ll make tea for the enemy...
Yes, I'll just pop on the kettle!


I'm making love for the enemy...
I am nobody's dummy!
I don't like giving kisses...
As a way to be chummy!
I am feeling uncertain...
About the dress I am wearing!
I'm a simpering princess –
But inside I am swearing!
Well, I'm sharpening my claws...
For I'm nobody's sweetie!
Seems there's no hope of peace...
They have broken the treaty!
But I'll flirt with them all –
And I'll take them to bed!
So, I’ll make love for the enemy...
But by dawn they'll be dead!

GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF AGAIN!!

Well, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here... I'm posting you up a new poem - hot off the press, which I've only just finished writing not minutes ago... So it won't be in the next book CAVEMAN LOGIC, but probably in my collection after that, tentatively entitled: THE SHY LIFE (LICENCE TO POET...) More about the new poem in a minute - let's discuss CAVEMAN LOGIC a little more, first... There will be more details soon, but it's looking as if the collection will be out mid-July, in time for my book launch party - as I'm currently nearly finished doing final rewrites and proofreading and am about to order my first observation copy (so I can see how it looks before I attempt to sell it to anyone and ensure that I'm happy with it!)

What I can tell you is that it will be 200 pages long and contains 67 new compositions; with a final set-list of titles, as follows:

ATTACK CAT
BACK WHEN THE INTERNET WAS YOUNG
THE BALLAD OF BOROUGH MARKET
BEARS AREN’T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS
BE MY VALENTINE
BETWEEN YOU & I
BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS
BUY ME A POET’S LICENCE
THE CACTUS KID
CAN’T YOU STOP IT RAINING
CAVEMAN LOGIC
CHARMING!!!
THE DEPARTMENT OF SHODDY WORKMANSHIP
DISPOSABLE DARLING
DOOR-TO-DOOR PSYCHOPATH
DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ME?
EATING GARLIC BREAD IN THE BATH
EDNA LOVELYSHOES
FOXED
GOOD CUBS TURNED BAD
THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY
HER ONLY FRIEND, THE BEAR
HER STAR BURNS BRIGHTLY
HE’S NOT ALL THAT
HIS EYES AREN’T AS BIG AS HIS STOMACH
I ALWAYS ASSUMED YOU WERE GAY
I COULD’VE BEEN
IF A CAVEMAN & A YETI HAD A FIGHT…
I HOPE I’LL BE THE NEXT IN LINE
I’LL GET YOU
I’M A MYSTERY TO HIM!!
I’M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY
I’M NO HARDER THAN A SOFT MARSHMALLOW
THE INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY OF FISH
I WANT TO DISCO DANCE AROUND YOUR BRAIN
LAMINATED YETI
LAMPSHADE ESQ.
THE LAST LOVE LETTER
THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO FIGHT IS ME
LITTLE MISS LIMELIGHT STEALER
THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH
NEVER SAW IT COMING
NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING
NO GOING BACK
NOT AS LOVELY IN REAL LIFE
NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE
NOT THE MOST HONEST CAT IN THE WORLD
OLD BAG FOR LIFE
OUT OF WORK ACTORS
OWLS IN BRAS
PENTHOUSE SWEETHEART
THE PICK-POCKETING FOX
PSYCHOPATHIC POPPADOMS
ROBOTS AND WRONG’UNS
SARCASM VS SURREALISM
SNOW BUNNIES!!!
SO SORRY I’M LATE
SUBURBAN SUPERSTAR
THEY ALWAYS KNEW HE’D BE A VILLAIN
A WEENY BIT KEEN
WE NEED A LITTLE TALK
WHAT HAVE WE DONE?
YOU’RE PERFECT!!!
YOU GOT ME WHERE I AM TODAY!!
YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL
YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH…
YOU WON’T BE PRETTY, ONE DAY

More soon...

And so, to finish with, a very new poem...

It's called MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE... It came from hearing a song lyric about hearing a lie and wanting it to be true; it was only a very short phrase, but made me think it was worth turning into a poem in it's own right... In fact, I've tried to write the piece as a song, of sorts - it has verses, a chorus and even a middle eight!! As I say, it's a first draft and may change before it's published in bookform, but see what you think... Before anyone asks though, I have not been recently wronged in love and this is not a reaction to some tragic heartbreak - I just wrote it... That's all... Okay! Just thought I should set the matter straight before I get overrun with consoling Facebook messages. Everything is rosey in the garden of yeti... Thank you for your concern though...

Oh go read the poem! :)

Furry thoughts!!

Paul x

MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE
26/05/2009

Well, you say I'm your love…
That you don't want us to part…
But, you're keeping me waiting…
Slowly crushing my heart…
Well, I know that you're fibbing…
And I've learnt all your lies…
For I've heard them before…
And I've seen with my eyes…
You'll say one thing to me…
But then you go do another…
So how may lies still to come?
That you've kept undercover?

Why don't you make all your lies true?
Try and mean what you say...
Can't you ever be honest…
Should I leave? Should I stay?
Can't you make a decision?
About what you want us to do?
Can't you stand by your words, love?
Please, make all your lies true?

Well, you tell me you love me…
And you say that you're mine…
That there's nobody else…
That we're both doing fine…
But I know that you're lying…
'Cos I've seen you out dancing…
Yes, it's some other woman…
That you're busy enhancing…
Well, you say you still want me…
But this I do not believe…
There's only one thing you could do…
Which might earn you reprieve…

Can't you make all your lies true?
Do you want me or not?
You can't keep me just hanging...
Have you untied our knot?
Do you want me forever?
So, is there somebody new?
Your white lies are all bruised...
Why don't you make your lies true?

Well, you claim we're in love…
As, indeed, we once were…
How can you say you still love me?
When you're still seeing her?
Well, I know you're untruthful…
Because I've followed you round…
I have read all your emails…
I have heard every sound…
Every word that you've said -
Every letter you've sent her...
When she kisses your lips…
Leaves a trace of magenta…

Oh, the taste of betrayal is sweet and it's cloying…
You will not speak the truth, just a pattern of lies...
When she calls in the night it is more than annoying…
When you're telling me tales, no, you won't meet my eyes…

Won't you make your lies true?
Or do I just not deserve it?
If you don't want what we had -
What's the point to preserve it?
You want your cake and to eat it -
It's something I've always known...
You're real intent is deceit…
All those lies that were sown…
You won't say what you mean…
All the facts have been slurred…
We've been living a lie…
It's time that everyone heard…
It's time that everyone saw…
What I've been living through…
But no amount of me hoping…
Will ever make your lies true...

COPYRIGHT, PAUL CHANDLER / SHY YETI 2009.

Hi,

It won't be too long now before my next book of completely new poems is ready. I have over 60 new poems for the CAVEMAN LOGIC collection and am currently adding the finishing touches to the book and my proofreader, Dan has begun to make final corrections. Whilst away on holiday near Bury St Edmunds last week I wrote 3 new pieces and have completed a few more this week. These will be included in CAVEMAN LOGIC and title include: EDNA LOVELYSHOES, ROBOTS AND WRONG'UNS, I ALWAYS ASSUMED YOUR WERE GAY, THE INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY OF FISH, LAMPSHADE ESQ, THE CACTUS KID and the poem below, OUT OF WORK ACTORS which is about the curious world of actors - especially those who are unsuccessful at it. As an amateur thesp myself I have met quite a few actors over the years and some I've liked more than others; some can be very humble - whilst others - less so. :)

A first draft of new poem: THE CACTUS KID - taken in Ely on Friday 17th April 2009.

The photos below are from my holiday - and the pictures relate to the recent collection of my old work: SHY YETI RULES O.K., which is still available from me or from the www.lulu.com website.

As of this week I even have a potential title for the NEXT collection - but I'm not telling you that one next! Sorry! :)

Enjoy the new poem - more news of the final lineup of poems, next time.

Yeti hugs,

Paul x


OUT OF WORK ACTORS


Out of work actors –
They’re just taking a rest...
From those classical roles –
Where they're stupidly dressed...
They're just taking a break –
To spend more time with the cat...
Or to write up their memoirs –
Or some confessional tat...
Once an extra in Hamlet –
Somewhat muffled in armour...
Getting murdered to death –
In some serious drama!
But they're not doing it now –
'Cos the work ain't emerging...
So they sit with their memories –
Just quietly purging...
Yes, out of work actors –
All pursue their next part...
So, don't smirk if you see one...
'Cos they are missing their art!


Out of work actors –
Find it so hard to live...
So few roles for them now –
Yet they have so much to give...
Seems that no-one is casting –
They find it so tough to cope...
They would even consider –
A short stint in a soap!
Playing somebody's sister –
Just returned from the dead...
Or some serial killer –
Who’s not right in the head!
Some poor market stall holder -
Who has lost her deposit!
Or a rugged East-ender -
Who is still in the closet...
Oh, out of work actors -
Get no chance to be choosey...
They'd be proud to do panto...
Down in Bude or in Pewsey...


Out of work actors –
So many talents to list...
May appear quite upset...
Claim they’re just acting pissed...
When they chat to their agents –
It can be quite exacting...
When the Press say they're fab –
Can’t they see THEY are acting?
Put them on the front page –
Use their voice on an ad...
The union rep just went home –
Who's to say who's been had?
Off to Edinburgh soon –
Just to set out the chairs...
But it's still theatre work –
There's no need to split hairs!
Hey! Now out of work actor –
This is no time to slouch...
When the director is casting –
Time to hop on the couch!


Out of work actors –
Hope their big break is coming...
As they sit on the streets –
With their gui-tar just strumming!
They are channelling Larry –
Well, they think it's the norm...
Tele-marketing work –
Helps them learn to perform...
All those dreams of bright lights!
All that training in RADA...
Well, it's poor consolation –
When they’re empty of larder...
Reciting lines in their sleep –
Sipping gin from their shoes...
Could they be the new Gielgud?
Woody Allen's next muse!?
Those poor out of work actors...
What a shame - must be hard...
Entertaining their brats –
When you'd dreamt of the bard...

MY GREATEST HITS??

I've just put together a collection of some of my favourite poems, which I'm hoping will be a good introduction to my work for anyone who has never sampled one of my collections. The collection is called SHY YETI RULES O.K. and there is more information at: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/shy-yeti-rules-ok/6492096

A collection of over 50 of Paul's favourite poems from all his poetry volumes since 2002. These include: THE TRUE LIGHT, YETI SPAGHETTI, THIRD TIME LUCKY, A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, EXIT PURSUED BY A YETI, CAT THIEF, I WILL EAT PIES, CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND and many more. These are pieces that he has been reading at gigs and open-mike events since 2008 and which appear to get the furriest, most enthusiastic growls from an audience! Go on, take a peek!! :)

The book is £5.99 plus p&p from Lulu.com, £5 to download and print copies can be bought from me at gigs in person for £5. I will also post copies for £5 + £1 p&p.

The poems included are:

ALL GIVE, NO TAKE.
AS OLD AS YOU FEEL.
BACK THEN.
BEING COY.
BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD.
THE BLACK-EYED GROWL.
BLUE EYED LOVER…
CAT THIEF.
CHILLI PEPPER FINGERS.
CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND.
DISCO YETI.
DO SHEEP MIGRATE?
EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI.
FURRY FROM THE DEEP.
GOOD HUG.
THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY.
GROOVE.
HENS AND STAGS.
HOPELESS ROMANTIC.
HOW CAN WE BE WRONG? (LOVES 1-5…)
I SHOULD NEVER…
I WANNA BE A ROCKSTAR GROUPIE.
I WANT YOU NOW.
I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS).
I WILL EAT PIES.
INSPIRATION.
“IT”.
KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG.
THE KING OF RHYME.
LAS VEGAS LIPS.
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
LITTLE PIG.
MY DEAD DAD.
MY DOG IN A DRESS.
MY MOMENT IS NOW!!!
THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH.
OH, FLORENCE.
OTHERWISE ENGAGED.
OVER YOU.
PARTY GIRL.
PICCADILLY CIRCUS.
POLITELY ENRAGED!!
RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE.
READY, TEDDY – GO!
RECKLESSLY.
RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR.
REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15.
A ROSEY-TINTED LIFE.
SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK.
SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA.
SO MUCH LOVE, SO LITTLE TIME.
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR.
TAKEN.
THINGS AIN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE.PT 1.
THIRD TIME LUCKY.
THE TRUE LIGHT.
THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE.
WAVES.
WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40.)
WHO CARES.
WOULD YOU DENY US?
YETI SPAGHETTI.
YOU DON’T EXIST.
YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL.
YOUR APRIL FOOL.

I think that's a good start, anyway!! :)

Yeti hugz,

Paul x

NEWS UPDATE: MORE OPEN-MIKE AND 2 NEW BOOKS DUE BY JULY!!!

I am in the process of typing the 50th poem of the next book: CAVEMAN LOGIC, which I expect to be ready by July this year. This particular poem is called I'M A MYSTERY TO HIM. It's not ready to post on here, but I intend to post a new poem at the end of this post. I am also putting together a more concise book on my poems from 1992 to current day called FURRY FAIRY TAILS which I aim to use as an introduction to my poetry and it includes poems that seem to have gone down well at gigs and open-mike nights, as well as some of my personal favourites and a couple as-yet unpublished poems. I expect this collection to be ready by early April, if all goes well - as I was taking photos for the front cover only yesterday and the project is nearly ready to go to Lulu.

In addition to new books I have provisionally announced 3 further writing events in 2009 - a book launch / pub crawl in July, another gig at the Poetry Cafe on Sunday 6th September and another book launch close to my birthday in November.

Not only that but on tuesday I returned to the Poetry Unplugged night at the Poetry Cafe and read three more poems; please read on and learn more...

POETRY UNPLUGGED - TUESDAY 17TH MARCH 2009

This was my first visit since early January due to being busy with my previous collection IF POEMS WERE PIES and with the 1st March gig. I was accompanied by my friend Maggie Hughes and read 3 poems just before the end of the first half. There were over 30 poets on the night and a good St Patrick’s Day time was had by all.

These were the poems that I read:

MICE TAP-DANCING
FROM: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009)

I choose this poem to start with, it’s one of my favourites from the last book and I thought it would be a good one to warm people up with. In my experience it takes a poem or so to warm people up to your specific style – especially in an open-mike night where they are all sorts of poems being read.

WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40)
FROM: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009)

One of my favourites from the last collection – this seemed to get people laughing and there were even a couple of gasps; it’s possible somebody had just swallowed the head of the person in front of them – but I’d like to think it was because people were enjoying the poem. Who knows… 

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
FROM: ROLLERCOASTER (2002)

This poem is a pretty old one, from my second collection – but it’s the one that people came up to me and said they most enjoyed at the gig on the 1st of March – so I was keen to read it again in front of the poetry fans at the open-mike night. Sure enough it also seemed to go down well on this occasion – which made me a very happy yeti! It’s always nerve-wracking trying to read well when you only have a 5 minute slot – but these poems seemed to fit that time just fine before the end of the first half!!

And to finish with here is one of the new poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC...

Enjoy!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul :) x

BACK WHEN THE INTERNET WAS YOUNG

OR: THE HISTORY OF THE INTERNET IN JUST FOUR VERSES…


Before the advent of the e-mail –
Before all the songs were sung!
The world was far more simple!
Back when the Internet was young!

Back when the Internet was young –
In the days of caves and flint!
In the days of dinosaurs –
Well, they could have made a mint!
Yes, they could have made a mint –
But not one with a hole…
Because the wheel was not around –
Nor was it round! How very droll!
Yes, they could have made a fortune!
If there’d been shopping on the net…
If dinosaurs had not been eaten –
And not just kept there as a pet…
Back when the Internet was young –
Well, there was no web-site dating!
In fact no-one loved at all…
All folk did was lots of hating…

Back when the Internet was young –
In Medieval times and such…
The net was worked by clockwork –
And no-one used it very much!
It was powered by a treadmill –
By an athletic troupe of mice…
And used by those in peril –
Or by those who sought advice!
Queen Liz the First she surfed it –
To obtain astounding quips!
Henry the 8th he also used it –
To gain new execution tips…
Back when the Internet was young –
No Online Poker Games to play…
There was no Amazon nor Facebook;
There was no Myspace and no e-bay!

Back when the Internet was young –
In the days of Sherlock Holmes…
Crimes were solved upon the net…
Despite the rationing of ohms!
Despite plagues and wars and fires –
Despite the art of body popping…
The Internet simply grew larger –
Even the Bard went online shopping!
In the early days of broadband –
The Magna Carta kept things slow…
Churchill played chess with Hitler –
When he won life came to blows!
Oh, when the Internet was young –
And the tube still ran on time…
The online world was nice and safe!
And there were no scams; no crime…

Back when the Internet was young –
In London Town throughout the Blitz!
Well, the Germans seized the net –
And they flooded it with tits…
Well, it’s never been the same since –
From the 50s through to punk –
But the web’s become polluted –
Folk have filled it full of junk…
Mrs Thatcher used to tease it –
Whilst Tony Blair just used to hunt it!
But the net’s now such a menace –
That no bugger will confront it!
Back when the Internet was young –
It fought a war against the pager…
Well, it was innocent back then –
But now it’s become a foul teenager!

Things will never be the same now –
By our petards we’re duly hung…
We’ve unleashed a giant monster!
The net revolution’s only just begun!!