SHY YETI RETURNS TO THE POETRY CAFE

THE SHY LIFE

POETRY CAFE, COVENT GARDEN, LONDON - SATURDAY 6TH MARCH 2010

THIRD TIME LUCKY was the original title of my third poetry collection back in 2002 and this was my third show at The Poetry Cafe and my first of 2010. With my most recent book being entitled THE SHY LIFE it also allowed me to read poems both past, present and future - including some of the ones that I included in my recent A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI compilation. In my previous shows I have given the audience a copy of the contents page of my latest book and asked them to call out titles - but on this occasion I went slightly beyond this. Considering that the show was called THE SHY LIFE I only read two or three poems from this collection - however I did manage to read something from every one of my poetry books since I began to publish them in 2001. This time I randomly presented my audience with copies of every contents page I have ever done and when I reached that particular book I asked the person with the relevant contents page to call out a title.

I also had my friends Dan and Nick on hand to take plenty of photos and video footage for my youtube and vimeo profile, for my blogs and future books.

In brief, these were the poems read on the evening. There is more detail on the individual poems later in this post.

FIRST HALF

DISCO YETI * @
SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME... @
UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE @
OH, FLORENCE @
HOPELESS ROMANTIC * @
"I'M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS..." @
HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT @
GOD-BOTHERING @
THE OLD QUEEN IS DEAD @
NIGEL THE LONELY STAG
ASK NICELY
THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS *
BEARS AREN'T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS
MY DOG IN A DRESS

SECOND HALF

GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT * @
DON'T SNOG BEES @
THE NEXT BIG THING (2010 REMIX) @
BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS @
MOST BIZARRE! * @
EXAGGERATE, ELABORATE, AD-LIB @
MILTON KEYNES FASHION DISASTER *
RED TAPE
YOUR TERMS
HOW I'D LOVE AN EXTRA HEAD
RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE
THE DAGENHAM DIVA @ (some)
YOU'RE PERFECT!! * @
I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN @
A SWEET TAIL @
CUP CAKE @
IF I WERE A MOO COW *
SEXY EXECUTIVE
WE WERE GOING TO BE WED
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
I WILL EAT PIES @

* - NICK VIDEOED
@ - DAN VIDEOED

IN MORE DETAIL

FIRST HALF

DISCO YETI * @

From: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR (2007) and included in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

The first poem of the night - and recorded by both Dan and Nick at different angles. So hopefully one I can edit a bit snazzily at a later date. Currently, however, it can be found on both vimeo and youtube as one of three poems that appears in the first complete video from this show. Here are the links: Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU  Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684

SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME... @

From: ROLLERCOASTER (2002) - available online from http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD : ROLLERCOASTER and in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

This is one of the earliest poems that I read on the night and one that I had intended to read at the MEDICINE MOUTH show, had there been more time. Each poem in that show was a different "type" of love - this would have been slutty love. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE @

From: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008) - available on http://www.lulu.com/. Also available in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

This poem was last read live during the MEDICINE MOUTH show in February and has its very own video on vimeo that was recorded back in 2008. It was actually written on Valentine's Day when I suspected that a relationship was nearing its end. The theme of this is quite simply just ungrateful love. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

OH, FLORENCE @

From: THIRD TIME LUCKY (2002) available on http://www.lulu.com/ as THIRD AND 4TH TIME LUCKY or as part of the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

This is another poem that I read during the MEDICINE MOUTH show - this one represents love of a place or city and is one of my silliest, yet one of my favourites because it takes the mickey out of overly-serious love poetry. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

HOPELESS ROMANTIC * @

From: POETIQUETTE (2005) available on http://www.lulu.com/ as MUG SHOTS/POETIQUETTE or as part of the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

Again, this was one of the poems that I was going to read during MEDICINE MOUTH, however I ran out of time. It was going to represent disappointment with love. Hopefully the fact that it wasn't read didn't hurt it's feelings too badly as it appeared in my Valentine's Day ON LOCATION video around the same time. Both Dan and Nick recorded versions of this one on the night.

"I'M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS..." @

From: THE DEATH OF LOVE (2010 - Currently Unpublished)

One of the newest poems that I read on the night - which was posted on this blog just after it was written only a few weeks ago. To date there are about 20 poems completed for this collection - but DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS has to be published first. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT @

From: JUNK/FOOD (2001) available on http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD / ROLLERCOASTER

This was selected by my friend Aly during the section of the show where I invited members of the audience to pick out a title from the contents page that they had been given at the start of the show. This is a poem from my first collection and is all about how skeletons get by when they are only really required to work on Halloween. It's a piece that I hadn't thought about in ages and I rather enjoyed rediscovering it! :) Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

GOD-BOTHERING @

From: ROLLERCOASTER (2002) - available from http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD - ROLLERCOASTER

This was selected by Glyn from my second book - it's a poem about a god who keeps cold-calling for attention. Don't you just hate it when that happens? This was another poem that had its live debut at this show. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

THE OLD QUEEN IS DEAD @

From: THIRD TIME LUCKY (2002) - available from http://www.lulu.com/ as THIRD AND 4TH TIME LUCKY

This was selected by Dan who was busily filming the show. It is all about a funeral - although does not concern the sort of the queen who lives in Buckingham Palace. It is another piece that received its live debut at the show. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

NIGEL THE LONELY STAG
From: GO 4TH AND DIVIDE - available from http://www.lulu.com/ as THIRD AND 4TH TIME LUCKY

This was a poem picked from my 4th book - the poem of lonely man named Nigel who arranges his own stag-do. Another poem that I have not thought about for a very long time and which made its debut here! I think it was Glyn who picked this one to read. Back in the day this poem was inspired by a character that I used to write about called Nigel Wormsley who was a rather sad and geeky time-traveller who eventually turned up in a number of my series. Nick, who was in the audience, actually played a version of the Nigel character in a series I wrote in the early 00s called THE COPERNICUS FILES.

ASK NICELY

From: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS (Published May 2010) - also appears in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI Available from http://www.lulu.com/

This one is from my next book and also appeared in my SHY YETI OUT AND ABOUT video earlier in 2010. It was also previewed in my SOUPCON OF SHY YETI collection and I am also holding the poem in the photo on the back cover of this collection.

THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS *

Originally from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. (2003) - available at http://www.lulu.com/ as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS - also appears in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This poem received its first live reading - although I have recorded it previously for one of my CDs. It is one of 3 poems from the night that appears on the first video from the show on youtube and vimeo: SHY YETI LIVE 06/03/10. The youtube link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU and the vimeo link is: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684 Nick recorded the version of this poem which appears in the video.

BEARS AREN'T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS

Originally from: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ Also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This was one of the many poems completed in 2009 and one of the silliest too - but it's also quite a fun one to read aloud and is basically a list of all the daft things that bears should and shouldn't do.

MY DOG IN A DRESS

Originally from: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ Also included in the 2009 compilation: SHY YETI RULES O.K.

This has been one of my favourites to read live almost since it was written, back in 2006 and has since had its own Vimeo video and was also recently read during the MEDICINE MOUTH show to represent the love of an owner for its pet. It's one of my bitchier creations and read for a member of the audience whose dog was used in the original photo to illustrate the poem when it was first published.

SECOND HALF

GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT * @

Originally from: LOVE SONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS and also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This was the first time this poem had received a live outing - although I did record it for one of my CDs a few years back. I have recently revived it for the SOUPCON collection and included it alongside two other poems from this show on my SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/10 video on youtube and vimeo. Here are the links: Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684 The footage used in the video was by Nick; but Dan also recorded from another angle.

DON'T SNOG BEES @

Originally from: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS - also included in the compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI (both 2010) Available from http://www.lulu.com/

A relatively new poem which appears in my next full collection, but which was also previewed in my recent SOUPCON sampler selection. I also recorded it for one of the SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos in early 2010. Dan recorded this particular performance for the archives.

THE NEXT BIG THING (2010 REMIX) @

Originally from: THE AUTUMNAL E.P.(2003) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS - also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This is a slightly updated and revived poem from one of my earlier collections - which was all about becoming cool by being as uncool as possible; either that or about living in your own little uncool world where you consider yourself cool. I was able to update some of the references and expand it a little and it seemed to go down well when I read it. This piece was recorded by Dan during this show.

BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS @

Originally from: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ Also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This is one of my favourite poems from the CAVEMAN LOGIC book and one which I decided to include in the SOUPCON collection and perform as a more recent example of my writing. Dan recorded this performance during the show.

MOST BIZARRE! * @

Originally from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. - available as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS on http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Neph, quite randomly, when I returned to the idea of having members of the audience randomly select titles from the contents pages of my books. THE AUTUMNAL E.P. was my fifth collection and this is a poem about the rather odd goings on at a village fete. To be honest I had rather forgotten about this poem and had written a piece called A FETE WORSE THAN DEATH for my THE SHY LIFE collection which has a very similar theme! Both Dan and Nick recorded this performance for a future video.

EXAGGERATE, ELABORATE, AD-LIB @

Originally from LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) - available as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS on http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Kirk and was another poem that I'd not thought much about in years which came from my 6th collection. It is a piece about using white lies to make things sound more important; not that I would ever do that. Of course, Henry the VIII told me I should, but I didn't agree. Dan recorded this poem during the show.

MILTON KEYNES FASHION DISASTER, 1971 *

Originally from: MUGSHOTS (2005) - available as MUGSHOTS / POETIQUETTE on http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by my friend Harry and is a poem from my 7th book about fashion disasters. The title is a spoof on the Bee Gee's song New York Mining Disaster, 1941 - although has no other connection. Nick recorded this poem during the show.

RED TAPE

Originally from: POETIQUETTE (2005) - available as MUGSHOTS / POETIQUETTE on http://www.lulu.com/

This was was chosen by Harry, once again and was a piece that I've not read before during a show and is a poem about red tape and excessive administration - something I know a lot about working for the civil service.

YOUR TERMS

Originally from: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006) - available via http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Calum and is another poem that I've not read live before from the first books that I designed specifically for lulu back in 2006. It's about people who do everything that way that one person wants it - until one day the worm turns...

HOW I'D LOVE AN EXTRA HEAD

Originally from: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FROM (2007) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was another poem called out by Calum and is another pretty weird one which hadn't previously been read at a show. It's a rather daft one about how useful it would be to have an extra head, leg, arm etc and what could be done if you had one!

RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE

Originally from: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008) - also included in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009) - both available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was another poem picked out by the audience (by Aly, I think) and another one where I can't remember who called it - but the poem selected from this collection is one that has had a little more attention over the years.

THE DAGENHAM DIVA @ (some)

Originally from: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Kirk as it is where he lives in London - it's about a tough East London lady who hides behind a certain image; too afraid to let herself be seen to be weak or show emotion. Dan recorded some of this performance.

YOU'RE PERFECT!! * @

Originally from: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was selected by another member of the audience and is a piece from one of my most recent books - a love poem to the perfect lover from someone who feels that they are not worthy. Both Nick and Dan recorded footage of this one - I think it was one of them who chose it too, but can't recall now!

I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN @

Originally from: THE SHY LIFE (2009) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

A poem from my most recent completed collection; which pretty much does what it says in the title. Again, it was Dan who recorded this one and may have also selected it.

A SWEET TAIL @

From: THE DEATH OF LOVE (Not published until late 2010)

This is the newest piece that I read on the night - as it has only been finished days before. It's the true-ish story of a man who finds that his new flatmate is a mouse and how the mouse helps him through his divorce. It should be in one of my books later this year and Dan managed to record this poem's debut.

CUP CAKE @

From: THE DEATH OF LOVE (Not published until late 2010), but included in A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This is one of my newest poems which received its live debut during an open-mike night on Tuesday 16th February 2010. It's a bit of a creepy poem about love for cake!! Dan recorded this one for future use.

IF I WERE A MOO COW *

Originally published in: LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) but also recently included in A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI (2010) - both available at http://www.lulu.com/

This is one of my older poems about the life of a cow resisting the threat of becoming a burger. I hadn't read this one live before, but had recently revived for my SOUPCON collection. Nick recorded a version of this poem for the archives.

SEXY EXECUTIVE

Originally published in: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009) but also recently included in A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI (2010) - both available at http://www.lulu.com/

This is the first time I have read this poem during one of my shows - although it has previously missed out on being read at open-mike nights a couple of times previously. A version of the poem was recorded in December 2008, but as yet has not been posted online. It is the story of flirtation during boring meetings...

WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40)

Originally published in: IF POEMS WERE PIES, but also included in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (both 2009) - both available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was last read during the MEDICINE MOUTH show in February and is one I have read a number of times at gigs and open-mike nights. It was included here as one of the final three poems of the night - my unofficial encore, if you will - so I hope that it is pleased with itself!!

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

Originally published in: ROLLERCOASTER (2002) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNKFOOD - ROLLERCOASTER, but also included in SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

This is one of my earliest poems and one that many people have told me is a favourite - I have recorded it for one of my recent videos, as well as reading it at open-mike nights and during some of my previous shows. It is basically a slightly bitter love poem written in management speak!

I WILL EAT PIES @

Originally published in: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR (2007), but also included in SHY YETI RULES OK (2009) - both available at http://www.lulu.com/

This was the last poem of the night and has been included in many of my shows and open-mike nights - often as the last piece that I read. It is a spoof of the song "I Will Survive" - "I Will Survive" meets pies, if you weill! It's last public airing was at an open-mike night in February where I got gonged off for over-running - so it got a chance to shine again here. I have recorded a number of versions of this poem and also included it in one of my cds - however, as yet - none of the video versions have been put online. This will change!! Dan recorded a version from this show to add to the number of videos that exist of this poem in the archives. :)

35 poems were read on the night during the show and were from the following collections - every book had, at least 1 poem read from it and no book had more than three poems aired:

JUNK/FOOD

HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT

ROLLERCOASTER

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, GOD-BOTHERING, SO MUCH LOVE, SO LITTLE TIME

THIRD TIME LUCKY

OH, FLORENCE, THE OLD QUEEN IS DEAD

GO 4TH AND DIVIDE

NIGEL THE LONELY STAG

THE AUTUMNAL E.P.

THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS, MOST BIZARRE!, THE NEXT BIG THING

LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED

EXAGGERATE, ELABORATE, AD-LIB, GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT, IF I WERE A MOO COW...

MUGSHOTS

MILTON KEYNES FASHION DISASTER, 1971

POETIQUETTE

HOPELESS ROMANTIC, RED TAPE

POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL

MY DOG IN A DRESS, YOUR TERMS

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR

DISCO YETI, HOW I'D LOVE AN EXTRA HEAD, I WILL EAT PIES

SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION

RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE, UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE

IF POEMS WERE PIES

THE DAGENHAM DIVA, SEXY EXECUTIVE, WE WERE GOING TO BE WED...,

CAVEMAN LOGIC

BEARS AREN'T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS, BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, YOU'RE PERFECT!!

THE SHY LIFE

I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN

DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS

ASK NICELY, DON'T SNOG BEES

THE DEATH OF LOVE / LA MORT D'AMOUR

CUPCAKE, "I'M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS", A SWEET TAIL

Extra special thanks to Kirk, Nick, Dan, Aly, Calum, Glyn, Harry, Ross and Neph for attending and helping out on the night.

More soon - yeti hugs,

Paul xx

SHY YETI'S SECOND FURTASTIC BOOK LAUNCH OF 2009

Friday 6th November 2009

Hi,

As promised - a little later than planned; here are some of the photos from my last book launch, just before my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Thanks to everyone who came along - I didn't get photos of everyone, but thanks to Calum, Steve, Sean mark 1, Harry, Lucy, Calum, Gareth, Andrew, Gibson, Miles, Robert, Tom, Vinnie, Sean mark 2and David for coming along on the night and extra added thanks for the birthday presents, card and cake. Apologies if I left anyone's name off...

There is also a new poem from the next collection: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? at the end - as mentioned earlier this week - a silly little ditty called THE YETI OF MUSWELL HILL... It's only a first draft - but I like it...

I hope you like the poem and enjoy the photos, which are at the end after the poem...

Furry hugs,

Paul x

THE YETI OF MUSWELL HILL

There once was a yeti –
Up in old Muswell Hill…
Who would peep in through windows –
And sunbathe on the sill!
Still, folk weren't too bothered –
He was a beast of few words;
But it only took a quick growl…
Just to scare off the birds…
He was the very best scarecrow –
That a plant could desire…
The very best baby-sitter –
That a young mother could hire!
Yes, the very best waiter...
Who could ever deliver!
In all of North London –
A furry, fleet-footed thriller!
Down in old Hampstead woods –
Watching blooms in the spring!
Down the road at the Palace –
With his cat on a string...
If you ever did see him –
On the town - on the prowl...
He, more often than not...
Wore a large bathroom towel –
And a pink pair of slippers...
And a chic beret from Gap…
But he'd always say hi –
Yes, and then raise his cap!
He would go buy some milk –
Or a nice currant bun!
Go and sit on the hill –
And just lie in the sun…
Yes, it's the weirdest of stories...
I am sure you have heard…
For his lunch he'd eat kippers –
Serve his tea, lightly stirred...
What a life he did lead!
He'd just sit and he'd paint...
Maybe chase a few squirrels –
Plant a seed and just wait!
He would sweep up the leaves –
Turn them into a scarf…
Meet his friends for a pint –
Maybe only drink half…
He would keep his fur clean –
Take a bath in a pond…
If you sent him a note –
He would always respond!
Always lent out a paw…
To those in dire need…
What a gent without doubt!
A fine beastie, in tweed...
Oh, there once was a yeti –
Who lived high on the Hill…
He made his home in my shed…
Now he's living there still…
He'll always pop in for cake –
Or a cup of Earl Grey…
For he is one of the family –
Yes - and long may he stay!

Above. Calum and the new book - both covers!!

Above. Now Robert, I'm sure you can pull a nicer face than that...

Above. Okay, that will just have to do! NEXT!!!

Above. Sean and the new book - again, both covers!

Above. Steve and Lucy strike a good pose...

Above. Excellent! And another...

Above. Gareth and Andrew and the new book...

Above. Who writes this rubbish!? Oh... I do!

Above. Calum again - this time in portrait!

Above. Harry will only EVER read a book upside down!

Above. Steve and the Yeti... :)

THE SHY LIFE - LIFE IS ALWAYS CHANGING!!!

As the date of THE SHY LIFE book launch rapidly approaches (it's this friday: 6th November...) I can now announce that THE SHY LIFE has put on a few pounds in weight since I first announced its birth last week...

It is now 256 pages long!! I decided to add a few as there was spare paper at the back of the proof copy I received. I could have removed 2 or added 6 and so I decided to add a small section covering the various covers and books that I have been working on during 2009! The price remains the same - so it's even better value than before...

There are also further changes!!

The cover of the paper back has changed - see below:


So only a limited edition went out with the previous cover - the link for the new edition remains the same as: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-shy-life/7377262

There is also now a hardback cover too - as below:


It's £14.99 and the link to it is: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/the-shy-life/7863920

It's also available to download from Lulu for just £4.99.

I hope you like the changes and will consider purchasing a copy at some stage, either from myself directly or from LULU.COM.

I'm off to Krakow for my birthday on sunday (although my birthday is Tuesday the 10th) - so they'll be more photos on this blogsite and in forthcoming books. DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? is still continuing well and I'm on my way to have almost 40 poems complete. To finish with - here is another poem from: THE SHY LIFE... Pretty soon I'll begin posting up a few of the even newer ones - as well as giving details of some forthcoming BLOGTV shows in late November. I am also beginning to get back to work on the next MOUSE OF COMMONS book too: POSTCARDS FROM MCWHISKERS... But more on that on www.mouseofcommons.blogspot.com as things progress...

I hope you like the poem, it's one of my favourites from the new book and was written almost exactly this time last year when I was away in Oslo for my birthday.

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

THE UNAFFORDABLE FJORD


He bought a fjord –
He couldn’t afford…
His wife she nearly had kittens…
“Do step aboard…
My lovely fjord!
But it’s cold –
So I suggest you wear mittens!”


His wife wasn’t pleased…
“I might well FREEZE!!
I won’t step upon something that icy!”
He made plaintive pleas;
Down on bended knees…
She said;
“Well, I shall go – but it’s gonna be pricey…”


He bought a fjord –
He couldn’t afford…
Well, his wife’s frozen looks made him shiver…
“My darling, Maud…
This almighty fjord;
Will be good for your heart and your liver…”


His wife gave a scowl…
As he passed her a towel…
As she sat on the ice oh-so chilly…
Well, she gave a loud howl…
Like some rambunctious owl!
But soon grew accustomed and then felt quite silly…


Yes, he bought a fjord –
He couldn’t afford…
But in the end this alone saved his marriage…
This is true and no fraud!
Yes, he would pilot that fjord –
And his wife would ride it…
Like a queen in her very own carriage!

THE SHY LIFE, NEXT POETRY CAFE GIG AND DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS???

Hello,

Just an update on the current poetic state of play in my fur-filled neck of the woods...

My next gig at the Poetry Cafe is on Wednesday 16th September; be there for a glass of wine around 7 - the readings start as near to 7.15 as possible. More on that next week - but you can check my FACEBOOK group for the full details and directions.

At my gig I'll be reading a mixture of old and new poems - but with the focus on my recent CAVEMAN LOGIC collection. Moving on the future though I can reveal that my next book will be revealed on Friday the 6th of November as part of my birthday celebrations. This book has 50 new compositions written during the summer of 2009, as well as links to all my BLOGTV performances and photos from my recent European Tour. The book is called THE SHY LIFE - as you'll have seen from the provisional cover above; it's 250 pages long and will be available for £9.99 from Lulu.com and here are the titles of the poems included:

AN ESKIMO IN MY TEA...
ARREST ME, HANDSOME...
THE BALLAD OF THE PIE-PIPER...
BITTER SWEETHEART...
COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER...
COMPLETE ME...
THE CREATIVE GNU...
CRY WOLF, VIRGINIA...
A DARK SIDE TO YOU...
DOING WELL FOR HIMSELF...
DROP DEAD, GORGEOUS...
FAME FOR BEGINNERS...
A FETE WORSE THAN DEATH...
THE FLAMINGO WHO HATED PINK...
FULL OF HOT AIR...
GOODBYE, YET NOT FAREWELL...
HOLLYWOOD: LOW BUDGET...
HOORAY FOR BEARS...
I LOVE YOU, BUT...
I MUST’VE BEEN REALLY BAD...
I WANT TO DIE WITH STYLE...
I’M JUST TOO GOOD FOR THE MOVIES...
IF YETI WERE SHY...
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME...
IT’S EASY BEING NICE WHEN YOU’VE A BUTLER...
IT’S MUTUAL...
I’VE HAD ENOUGH...
I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN...
KISS ME QUICK...
A LITTLE VIKING...
LOVE’S SWEET GUESSING GAME...
MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE...
MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY...
THE MAN WHO ATE CATERPILLARS...
MY BEAUTY IS NATURAL...
NOTHING CAN SAVE US NOW...
PARALLEL WORLD...
PRISONER: CELL BLOCK MOUSE...
PROUD TO BE A LIBRARIAN...
RESCUING BEAR CUBS ON BUSES...
SLEEPING STANDING UP...
STEALING MY THUNDER...
THERE AREN’T ANY NEW TRICKS...
TO HULL AND BACK AGAIN...
THE UNAFFORDABLE FJORD...
THE UNSUCCESSFUL SUSSEX SEX-PEST...
WARM SHEETS...
WHEN THE CAT SAW THE BOY...
WOLF-WHISTLING WORKMEN...
THE WORLD AND HIS WIFE...

THE SHY LIFE was proofed during my summer tour, hence a lot of the photos coming from that trip - and I have just sent off for a final proof copy and intend to be making final changes in early October, in ready for the book launch on Friday the 6th November 2009.

I can also reveal that I've written the "title track" of my first collection for 2010: which I have christened: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? I'll post that poem up here at some point, but hope to debut it on BLOGTV sometime soon. I also intend to broadcast a BLOGTV version of my September gig - but, as yet I haven't decided on a date, time or place.

At the moment, other than preparing for the gig I'm not writing as much poetry as I have been lately as I'm busy putting the finishing touches to a Mouse of Commons book that I am hoping will be ready by new year 2010 (the start of the 10th anniversary year of the Mouse of Commons and a decade since MOUSE OF COMMONS - MOUSE OF LORDS was first completed.) I hope to write some more poems during the autumn and winter and have provisionally scheduled DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS for sometime during Summer 2010 - but knowing how prolific I have been of late who can say. Other than the one poem already completed for the 2010 collection I can guarantee that many of the photos will come from my 2nd European Tour of 2009 - as I am visiting Nice in October and Krakow in November and possibly another location during December.

To finish this post I'll return to THE SHY LIFE and post another new piece, written in Budapest back in August. It's all very silly - but there's nothing wrong with that!

More on how my gig went late next week.

Best wishes and furry hugs!

Paul x


COLIN THE CUSTARD-EATING SPIDER

Colin’s a spider who likes to consume…
As he sways on his web in some dusty old room!
He does not like prunes and he cannot stand mustard!
But what Colin adores is a bowl of cold custard…

He will not eat peaches…
He can’t abide cream...
And he doesn’t think cakes –
Are as nice as they seem!
No, he won’t lick the bowl;
For just any dessert…
No, it is only thick custard –
That can keep him alert!
It is only cold custard –
That makes him feel merry…
No, he will not eat chocolate –
Nor some lone loganberry!

Colin’s a spider who’s fond of his grub…
But he won’t eat takeaway – nor have food down the pub!
No, he won’t sit and blub; no, he won’t look disgusted!
He’ll just pour from the fridge a large bowl of cold custard!

He will not eat worms…
He can’t stomach elastic!
If he chewed on a shoe…
Things would be a tad drastic!
Neither toad in the hole –
Or Tabasco are favoured!
It’s no to corn on the cob –
And food synthetically flavoured!
It is only cold custard –
That makes his day better!
He avoids every cheese –
Yes, especially feta!

Colin’s a spider who’s fast and he’s greedy…
His eight tiny legs oh so hairy, so speedy!
But he doesn’t act needy; he can always be trusted!
Cos, what is good for his soul is a bowl of cold custard!

He will not eat sweets…
He won’t choke down éclairs!
He will not eat cherries –
In bunches nor pairs!
There is no way on god’s earth –
That he’d gobble mince pies…
And he’s not one of those spiders –
That would ever eat flies…
It is only cold custard –
That he’ll gulp back in haste!
Ah, cos Colin’s a spider –
With quite specific taste…

BACK FROM ME EUROPEAN TOUR! ;)

Hello!

The wanderer returns... Not that you'll probably have noticed...

At any rate, I've been away for quite a lot of August on my little European Tour and whilst I was away I was doing a lot of the proofreading of my next collection of poems: THE SHY LIFE, which is due out in November. As it stands the book will contain, at least, 50 new poems - photos from my tour, the usual behind-the-scenes stuff about the poems themselves and information about my gigs, BLOGTV appearances and anything else of note: including all the links to any available content that might be on other sites.

My next proper gig is on Wednesday 16th September at The Poetry Cafe, Covent Garden from around 19:00 until about 21:00.

More information nearer the time - but for now I'll post up one of my newest poems which was inspired by my old friend Lee Freeman, with whom I worked a great deal with in the 90s on projects such as SUTTON PARK, ROLAND QUAVERALL, TRAVELLERS and CANDLEMAN. Wherever you may be now, Lee - I hope you get to read this one day...

It's remarkably silly. Very Lee!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


MY CREATIVE GNU


My creative gnu,
He is there to advise!
There is none that I know…
Who is nearly so wise!
Yes, his knowledge is special...
Dare I say it, essential!
There's no doubt this gnu!
Has fantastic potential!
He's a creature of vision;
And that vision won’t blur!
He's the one who designed –
The brown bear’s booming grrr!
He’s the one who foresaw –
Last week’s new biggest hit –
And who fashioned instructions –
Which taught me to knit!
My creative gnu…
He is quite unsurpassed!
Tapping into his talents!
Cross your paws that they last!

My creative gnu –
My creative gnu…
He’s full of creations –
That are brilliant and new!
His ideas are the kind –
That can not be berated!
Yes, they’re clever and wholesome!
And never X-rated!

My creative gnu,
Is a wonderful beast!
So superbly inventive…
Once his thoughts are released!
His ideas can't be faulted!
They're always precise!
There's no doubt my gnu!
Whips them up in a trice!
Of his skills, oh so modest!
Not some arrogant boaster…
He's the one who invented –
The time travelling toaster!
The one who came up –
With vegetarian ham!
With the pocket-sized pie;
And with self-spreading jam!
My creative gnu…
He's a wonderful fellow!
His ideas should be bottled –
And captured in jello!

My creative gnu –
My creative gnu…
He’s full of creations –
That make you go WOO!!
His ideas are the sort –
That can not be insulted!
As he ensures that all cats –
Cannot be catapulted!

My creative gnu,
Really should be saluted!
He’s a force to be reckoned with…
Not a force to be muted!
With his grand master plan –
He will solve all our woes!
There's no doubt this gnu will be missed if he goes!
Such a great inspiration!
My dear pal, mon ami!
It is he who ensures –
That ham tastes really
hammy!
He’s the one who designed –
Buffalo underpants…
Bobble-hats just for moths!
Pogosticks used by ants!
My creative gnu…
There’s no end to his wonder!
It’s a talent to celebrate!
Which he knows not to squander!

My creative gnu –
My creative gnu…
He’s full of creations –
Brain waves that just grew!
His ideas are the type –
Only gnus seem to fathom!
I’m not sure how they do it!
I’m just glad that they have ‘em!

PS The photo of the top is of my friend Ceri and Becky's new cat George who has saved the day by illustrating this post as I don't have any pictures of my recent trip to hand. Perhaps George is my creative gnu... Except he's a cat not a gnu! Oh well, it was a thought!!!

BUSY ON BLOGTV...

As mentioned in my previous post, my new collection: CAVEMAN LOGIC is now available for £8.99 at: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/caveman-logic/5957268

I am busy with my next collection and have already written over half of it. In addition to this I have been blogging on a site called BLOGTV. I do a regular half hour show on a saturday morning between about 9.30-10.00. During the show I talk about what I've been writing and then record a ten minute section where I read between 3 and 4 poems. I've recorded 11 shows, so far - some from the saturday shows and some from short-notice shows and I've been reading a mixture of poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC and work-in-progress THE SHY LIFE, as well as reading some old favourites.

Following this are brief details on tests 8-10, with the poems that I recorded, commments and links to the actual videos. Once on the site you will be able to watch any of the other tests. You can also set up your own profile and do you own shows, although if you just want to watch the films you don't have to have a profile. The pictures at the top of the page are screen grabs from some of the shows.

I'll post some more new poems soon!

Enjoy the films!

Furry hugs,

Paul x

THE 8TH TEST:
SATURDAY 27th JUNE 2009

READ: BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING, OLD BAG FOR LIFE, ROBOTS AND WRONGUN’S - ALL FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009)

This show was recorded at around 9:45 on the 27th June 2009, but I broadcast for about 15 minutes beforehand and five minutes after – talking about putting CAVEMAN LOGIC on Lulu.com, which had happened just days before and also a little about working on GOSSIP FROM THE CHEESE COUNTER, the Mouse of Commons book that I was also completing at the time. Once started I read four poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC: BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS I had never read live, but had posted on my blog that week, NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING I had read at my gig on March 1st 2009, when it was a very new composition. OLD BAG FOR LIFE and ROBOTS & WRONGUNS made their debut here. Having completed the broadcast I received a message from BLOGTV saying the recording hadn’t worked and so I began to perform it again. This time I got as far as OLD BAG FOR LIFE and the internet connection went down. Running out of time, at this point, I then discovered that the majority of the first version of the recording had saved and so I left it at that! Phew!!

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXuZuVHb_&pos=ancr
DURATION: 8 MINUTES 55 SECONDS


THE 9TH TEST:
SUNDAY 28th JUNE 2009

READ: CAVEMAN LOGIC, THE LAST LOVE LETTER, REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15, SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK. POEM 1 & 2 FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009), POEM 3 & 4 FROM: SHY YETI RULES O.K. (2009).

This show was an unexpected recording – the day after TEST 8, recorded around 16:35-16:45 on a Sunday afternoon, although after advertising that the show was coming up on Facebook (which I had done with TEST 8 and some of the earlier tests), I also nattered for about 5 minutes before and after the recording. I hadn’t expected to do another recording until Saturday 4th July, but in the end found myself with some time to record another show. I decided to read two new poems from CAVEMAN LOGIC collection and 2 from SHY YETI RULES O.K. The only one of these four poems that had been read live before was SHE NEVER HAD ANY LUCK, which I’d done at a reading in Derby in April 2008 and which was originally from my 2002 collection: ROLLERCOASTER. REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15 was a poem that I had largely forgotten until I came to compile the SHY YETI RULES O.K. book and being about commuter nightmares it still seemed very relevant. It made its first appearance in my 2003 collection: GO 4TH & DIVIDE. As quite a few of my previous shows had been done without much announcement or as with TEST 5-7 before work, I had yet take notice of viewing number for each TEST and had forgotten that you don’t have to be a member of BLOGTV to watch. I was a bit disconsolate to discover no viewers (and had been the previous day with TEST 8), until I noticed on the other corner of the screen that I had a good half dozen viewers, which I was pleased with seeing as I’d only announced this TEST with about 10 minutes notice. Readers who have seen this particular TEST or have access to it will notice a cameo from poet’s inspiration - Kirk’s cat, Nightshade – who jumps on the bed at the start of THE LAST LOVE LETTER, wiggles her bottom around for a few seconds and then shoots off the bed again!! What a STAR!!

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXub2THbX&pos=ancr
DURATION: 10 MINUTES 00 SECONDS


THE 10TH TEST:
MONDAY 29th JUNE 2009

READ: RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE, A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH, I WILL EAT PIES. POEM 1, 2 & 4 FROM: SHY YETI RULES O.K. (2009). POEM 3 FROM: CAVEMAN LOGIC. (2009).

This show was recorded at quite short notice – with about a 30 minute warning on Facebook, one evening after work. It was recorded at around 8:45, although I logged on about 5 minutes before and discussed which poems I was going to read, mentioned Nightshade (who was also mentioned in the show itself and was sitting behind me on the dark bed spread and didn’t really show up! Having done the majority of the show with no live viewers I suddenly gained 3 towards the end of the show and so once I’d finished recording I went back and read RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE for a second time, but didn’t record that version. Of the 4 poems, 3 were from SHY YETI RULES O.K., but A LEARNING EXPERIENCE originally appeared in my 2002 collection ROLLERCOASTER. This has been a recent favourite of mine at gigs and open-mike nights. RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE comes from my 2008 book SHY YETI’S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION and I originally made it’s debut on my blog on Christmas Day 2007, whilst I WILL EAT PIES was included in my 2007 volume RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR... I read I WILL EAT PIES at my March 2009 gig, but made a bit of a cock up (although I’m not sure anyone noticed because I just kept reading anyway!) Still, it was nice to record it and not make such a bodge on this occasion. YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH made it’s debut here and comes from my most recent collection CAVEMAN LOGIC.

LINK: http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/827099/Y27wZ2NxaeXubeRHbP&pos=ancr
DURATION: 9 MINUTES 43 SECONDS

THE NEW AND THE EVEN NEWER!!!

Hi,

I just thought I'd update you on how things are going with CAVEMAN LOGIC, my next book of poems. I have received my first draft copy and whilst away last week up in the Hull/Beverley/Bridlington area I made amendments on the hard copy and this week I've been making the changes to the electronic version of the text. If all goes well this will be completed by early next week - the new version will be uploaded onto www.lulu.com by mid-week; which means that CAVEMAN LOGIC should be available to purchase on the LULU site by about the 1st of July.

More news when I have it, but it's looking good and I'm very pleased with how it has come out. I'll be posting a couple of my favourites from the new collection around the time of the launch.

Meanwhile, I've doing very well with the next collection - which is still going under the title of THE SHY LIFE. More about that once CAVEMAN LOGIC has been published - but as I type I have 25 new poems and another dozen or so in different stages. At the rate I'm going I could quite reasonably expect to have another collection ready by Christmas. But we shall see...

Anyway, one of the poems that I have completed this week is called MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY and I'm really pleased with it, so I have reproduced a first draft of it here for you to (hopefully) enjoy!

Next time I will probably tell you a little about my cheekily entitled: SHY YETI TOUR OF EUROPE!! :)

Anyway - enjoy the new poem!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY...


I'm making toast for the enemy...
As a way to be nice...
To set aside our dislike!
To simply put it on ice!
I'm quite aware of the past...
From experience I've learnt!
But I'm keeping an eye open...
So the toast won't get burnt!
I have softened the butter...
So it’ll spread like a dream!
I am smiling my widest...
Whilst wishing death to the team!
I've got jams of all flavours –
And some thick marmalade!
So, I’ll make toast for the enemy...
Their every wishes obeyed!


I'm making cake for the enemy...
As a way to seem sweet!
As a way to get round them...
Just to side-step defeat!
I'm quite aware of the tension...
That is rapidly brewing!
But I'd rather not sit there –
Just angrily stewing!
No, I'd rather make cake –
I won't bake in some grit...
I won't fill it with poison –
And I'll not try to spit!
I'll make sponge to appease them...
Smooth some icing on top!
If I make cake for the enemy...
Will the menacing stop?


I'm making tea for the enemy...
I am quenching their thirst!
I am dodging their punches...
But who'll come off the worst?
'Cos my tea is not great...
Sometimes it's lukewarm at best!
Either too sugary or strong...
Or simply too hot to test!
Either too milky or sickly...
I had better take care!
Not to drop in a grenade...
That could blow off their hair!
Because I'm trying to be kind...
I simply must grasp the nettle...
So I’ll make tea for the enemy...
Yes, I'll just pop on the kettle!


I'm making love for the enemy...
I am nobody's dummy!
I don't like giving kisses...
As a way to be chummy!
I am feeling uncertain...
About the dress I am wearing!
I'm a simpering princess –
But inside I am swearing!
Well, I'm sharpening my claws...
For I'm nobody's sweetie!
Seems there's no hope of peace...
They have broken the treaty!
But I'll flirt with them all –
And I'll take them to bed!
So, I’ll make love for the enemy...
But by dawn they'll be dead!

GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF AGAIN!!

Well, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here... I'm posting you up a new poem - hot off the press, which I've only just finished writing not minutes ago... So it won't be in the next book CAVEMAN LOGIC, but probably in my collection after that, tentatively entitled: THE SHY LIFE (LICENCE TO POET...) More about the new poem in a minute - let's discuss CAVEMAN LOGIC a little more, first... There will be more details soon, but it's looking as if the collection will be out mid-July, in time for my book launch party - as I'm currently nearly finished doing final rewrites and proofreading and am about to order my first observation copy (so I can see how it looks before I attempt to sell it to anyone and ensure that I'm happy with it!)

What I can tell you is that it will be 200 pages long and contains 67 new compositions; with a final set-list of titles, as follows:

ATTACK CAT
BACK WHEN THE INTERNET WAS YOUNG
THE BALLAD OF BOROUGH MARKET
BEARS AREN’T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS
BE MY VALENTINE
BETWEEN YOU & I
BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS
BUY ME A POET’S LICENCE
THE CACTUS KID
CAN’T YOU STOP IT RAINING
CAVEMAN LOGIC
CHARMING!!!
THE DEPARTMENT OF SHODDY WORKMANSHIP
DISPOSABLE DARLING
DOOR-TO-DOOR PSYCHOPATH
DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ME?
EATING GARLIC BREAD IN THE BATH
EDNA LOVELYSHOES
FOXED
GOOD CUBS TURNED BAD
THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY
HER ONLY FRIEND, THE BEAR
HER STAR BURNS BRIGHTLY
HE’S NOT ALL THAT
HIS EYES AREN’T AS BIG AS HIS STOMACH
I ALWAYS ASSUMED YOU WERE GAY
I COULD’VE BEEN
IF A CAVEMAN & A YETI HAD A FIGHT…
I HOPE I’LL BE THE NEXT IN LINE
I’LL GET YOU
I’M A MYSTERY TO HIM!!
I’M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY
I’M NO HARDER THAN A SOFT MARSHMALLOW
THE INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY OF FISH
I WANT TO DISCO DANCE AROUND YOUR BRAIN
LAMINATED YETI
LAMPSHADE ESQ.
THE LAST LOVE LETTER
THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO FIGHT IS ME
LITTLE MISS LIMELIGHT STEALER
THE NEIGHBOURHOOD WITCH
NEVER SAW IT COMING
NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING
NO GOING BACK
NOT AS LOVELY IN REAL LIFE
NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE
NOT THE MOST HONEST CAT IN THE WORLD
OLD BAG FOR LIFE
OUT OF WORK ACTORS
OWLS IN BRAS
PENTHOUSE SWEETHEART
THE PICK-POCKETING FOX
PSYCHOPATHIC POPPADOMS
ROBOTS AND WRONG’UNS
SARCASM VS SURREALISM
SNOW BUNNIES!!!
SO SORRY I’M LATE
SUBURBAN SUPERSTAR
THEY ALWAYS KNEW HE’D BE A VILLAIN
A WEENY BIT KEEN
WE NEED A LITTLE TALK
WHAT HAVE WE DONE?
YOU’RE PERFECT!!!
YOU GOT ME WHERE I AM TODAY!!
YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL
YOUR CAT LIKES ME SO MUCH…
YOU WON’T BE PRETTY, ONE DAY

More soon...

And so, to finish with, a very new poem...

It's called MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE... It came from hearing a song lyric about hearing a lie and wanting it to be true; it was only a very short phrase, but made me think it was worth turning into a poem in it's own right... In fact, I've tried to write the piece as a song, of sorts - it has verses, a chorus and even a middle eight!! As I say, it's a first draft and may change before it's published in bookform, but see what you think... Before anyone asks though, I have not been recently wronged in love and this is not a reaction to some tragic heartbreak - I just wrote it... That's all... Okay! Just thought I should set the matter straight before I get overrun with consoling Facebook messages. Everything is rosey in the garden of yeti... Thank you for your concern though...

Oh go read the poem! :)

Furry thoughts!!

Paul x

MAKE ALL YOUR LIES TRUE
26/05/2009

Well, you say I'm your love…
That you don't want us to part…
But, you're keeping me waiting…
Slowly crushing my heart…
Well, I know that you're fibbing…
And I've learnt all your lies…
For I've heard them before…
And I've seen with my eyes…
You'll say one thing to me…
But then you go do another…
So how may lies still to come?
That you've kept undercover?

Why don't you make all your lies true?
Try and mean what you say...
Can't you ever be honest…
Should I leave? Should I stay?
Can't you make a decision?
About what you want us to do?
Can't you stand by your words, love?
Please, make all your lies true?

Well, you tell me you love me…
And you say that you're mine…
That there's nobody else…
That we're both doing fine…
But I know that you're lying…
'Cos I've seen you out dancing…
Yes, it's some other woman…
That you're busy enhancing…
Well, you say you still want me…
But this I do not believe…
There's only one thing you could do…
Which might earn you reprieve…

Can't you make all your lies true?
Do you want me or not?
You can't keep me just hanging...
Have you untied our knot?
Do you want me forever?
So, is there somebody new?
Your white lies are all bruised...
Why don't you make your lies true?

Well, you claim we're in love…
As, indeed, we once were…
How can you say you still love me?
When you're still seeing her?
Well, I know you're untruthful…
Because I've followed you round…
I have read all your emails…
I have heard every sound…
Every word that you've said -
Every letter you've sent her...
When she kisses your lips…
Leaves a trace of magenta…

Oh, the taste of betrayal is sweet and it's cloying…
You will not speak the truth, just a pattern of lies...
When she calls in the night it is more than annoying…
When you're telling me tales, no, you won't meet my eyes…

Won't you make your lies true?
Or do I just not deserve it?
If you don't want what we had -
What's the point to preserve it?
You want your cake and to eat it -
It's something I've always known...
You're real intent is deceit…
All those lies that were sown…
You won't say what you mean…
All the facts have been slurred…
We've been living a lie…
It's time that everyone heard…
It's time that everyone saw…
What I've been living through…
But no amount of me hoping…
Will ever make your lies true...

COPYRIGHT, PAUL CHANDLER / SHY YETI 2009.