BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON 4 OUT NOW!!!

THE 4TH AND FINAL SEASON IS RELEASED!!

Hello beasties!!

This time we will finally be celebrating the release of the 4th season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS... In fact, let's get started - here we go - first up details of the book and where it can be found to purchase and then four extracts, one from each of the scripts...

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - Season 4 is the fourth and final season of the series and is made up of 4 extended scripts which concern a number of curious characters; an amphibian journalist known as Horner, a witch called Katrina, a werewolf named Colin and Warren - a fellow with a very strange upbringing. Along the way we also meet a number of old foes and what can only be described as a herd of vampire cows! All is not well this time around - and by the end of the season one of the main characters will meet a grisly end. These scripts, written during 2014, brings us to the end of an era for The Beast Of Friends!

Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/the-beast-of-friends-season-four/paperback/product-22361059.html £6.99

Hardback: http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/the-beast-of-friends-season-four/hardcover/product-22361072.html  £14.99

There is also a bumper version featuring all 4 seasons in one place...

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - Seasons 1 to 4 is a compilation of all the scripts from the 4 seasons that make up the series. The scripts concern a number of curious characters; among them an amphibian journalist known as Horner, a witch called Katrina, a werewolf named Colin and Warren - a fellow with a very strange upbringing. Other than these "bunch of weirdoes" we meet a number of old foes, a yeti with dubious ethics, a number of ghosts, a meddling mother and what can only be described as a herd of vampire cows! This is the very first time that these scripts, published between 2012 and 2015, have appeared in the same place.



























Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/the-beast-of-friends-seasons-1-to-4/paperback/product-22361053.html £14.99

Hardback: http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/the-beast-of-friends-seasons-1-to-4/hardcover/product-22361068.html £19.99

SCRIPT ONE: CRIMES OF PASSION... (EXTRACT)

KATRINA WATCHES FROM THE STAIRWELL AS THEIR GUESTS - ROLAND AND VELMA MAKE TO LEAVE, SHE PRETENDS TO BE APPLYING LIPSTICK, BUT IS ACTUALLY SUCKING IT DISTRACTEDLY – HER EYES ARE FIXED ON VELMA WHOM SHE IS TRYING TO VIEW IN HER HAND MIRROR; HOWEVER WHAT SHE SEES LEAVES HER TWICE AS SHOCKED.

KATRINA: (alarmed)

Oh! That’s unpleasant… I mean us witches used to get a bad rap for what we did in the past but considering how many non-witches ended up burnt… Wow!

HORNER: (rudely)

Thank you… Thank you… Goodbye now…

THE FRONT DOOR SLAMS BEHIND VELMA AND ROLAND – WARREN APPROACHES KATRINA AND HORNER LOOKING QUITE EXCITED...

WARREN: (urgently)

Katrina… Tell Horner what you just told me… Katrina! Did you hear me?

KATRINA: (mutters to self)

Oh my… My oh my oh my… OH MY!

HORNER: (distracted)

Those dratted people! How dare they just come here like this… What is it Katrina?

KATRINA: (quite distressed)

It’s macabre… Things are even worse for him now than when we first met him… She got a complete hold of him and he doesn’t even seem to notice…

HORNER: (a little more focussed)

Katrina… Listen, now! What do you know about these people? You need to tell me and we need to make sure that Colin knows that they’re after him too…

WARREN: (encouragingly)

Go on… Tell them what you did to Roland…

KATRINA: (trying not to ramble)

Alright! Alright… I will… But it’s not just him… It’s her too… She… She has no reflection – Velma… She’s a vampire – I haven’t seen one up in London for quite a while… They were the “new” witch at the turn of the century as far as taboos were concerned! She’s one of those new-fangled ones too who can go out in the sun!

SCRIPT TWO: CRIMES OF PASSION... (EXTRACT)

MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE ROAD COPERNICUS AND KATRINA ARE SQUASHED UP INSIDE A PHONE BOOTH WATCHING THE HOUSE AS THE CAR PULLS UP TO PICK UP FAKE KATRINA… CONSIDERING THAT HE IS A GHOST COPERNICUS IS TAKING UP RATHER MORE SPACE THAN ONE WOULD EXPECT AND KATRINA IS FEELING QUITE UNCOMFORTABLE…

COPERNICUS: (almost applauding)

Everything seems to be going okay so far… That’s a relief, I must say…

KATRINA: (reflecting)

I can’t help but think that your friend, Mr Quaverall must really hate me… I can’t believe how I got away with all the wicked things that I did back in my youth…

COPERNICUS: (having not properly heard)

What now?

KATRINA: (sadly)

Roland… He must really really hate me – for killing him…

COPERNICUS: (trying to cheer her up)

I don’t think so… Well, not any more – that’s nearly half a century ago… He’s had lots of adventures since then – it’s just that they occurred after his death…

KATRINA:

I feel I should say sorry… I was so different then… He was nothing to me – just an opponent who pretty quickly was lying there before me choking on a jelly fish…

COPERNICUS:

There can't be that many people who can say that they've had that experience...

SCRIPT THREE: THE SCANDAL-MONGERS... (EXTRACT)

KATRINA: (snapping back, but grinning)

When I used to ride about on my broomstick I always used to take a cat with me… Sadly they never had very good balance and used to fall off.

LUCY: (muttering away to herself)

I thought cats were meant to have GREAT balance… Isn’t that one of their things – or am I thinking of monkeys? Well, I guess they’re definitely good at balancing because you see them up trees running around – do you think that maybe they wear Velcro on their paws or something? Although wouldn’t that mean that someone would have to put Velcro up the trees too – so the two layers would stick together!?

KATRINA: (losing patience now)

Lucy – I have no idea… I think monkeys are just naturally good at the running around trees thing – no hidden magic required… But we were talking about cats…

LUCY: (focusing on the topic of the moment)

They like trees too, don’t they? Anyway, so yours used to fall off your broom?

KATRINA: (nodding)

Most Witches’ cats hang on – but not these ones… That was my fault – I scrimped on good puss – you live and learn! Rather foolishly I used to get mine second-hand!

LUCY: (surprised)

Second-hand cats? Where from exactly?

 KATRINA: (glibly)

The second-hand cat store… It really is that simple…

LUCY:

The second-hand cat store? That’s an actual place?! Okay… Why DID you get them second-hand? Were they old? Cheap? Lacking in posture? Perpetually asleep?

KATRINA: (confirming all those suggestions)

All of those things and usually they were slightly incontinent too…

LUCY:

But WHY? Why did it all go so badly wrong for you?

KATRINA: (chuckling)

Well, I don’t really like cats! I just felt I ought to have one… For appearances sake!

LUCY: (having considered this)

You wanted them to suffer a bit, perhaps?

KATRINA: (feeling slightly guilty)

Maybe… That’s awful, isn’t it!?

SCRIPT FOUR: FANGS FOR THE MEMORIES... (EXTRACT)

MEANWHILE, NOT SO VERY FAR A WAY A MAINTAINANCE MAN IS ENTERING THE SEWERS FROM A MAN-HOLE ABOVE. HE LOOKS AROUND AND NOTES A RUSTY PIPE IN THE SHADOWS – TICKING IT OFF ON A LIST AS HE EXAMINES IT… ALL OF A SUDDEN SOMETHING DISTRACTS HIM…

SOUND: (bellowing bovinely)

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

MAN: (furiously, yet nervous too)

HEY!?! What’s that? Bloody kids… Come out and show yourselves… What’s going on? Who’s keeping cows down in these sewers? That’s illegal!

SOUND:

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

MAN:

Come out and show yourselves… There you are… What gorgeous cows… Who brought you here… Just come closer – let me stroke you… You look gorgeous.

VELMA SUDDENLY STEPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS BEHIND THEM…

VELMA: (succinctly, decisively)

These cows are mine… What business is it of yours?

MAN: (becoming quite cocky)

You can’t keep them here – you’re not even meant to be down here – let alone your livestock! If you don’t get them out of here then I’ll get the law on you…

 VELMA: (spiteful, spitting her words)

I really don’t think you will… Who do you think you’re speaking to? You have no right to command me; I’ll do what I wish! I wouldn’t start threatening me either – my friends here are very protective of me; I wouldn’t shove them if I were you…

 MAN: (not completely paying attention)

Why not? I’m just trying to get them out of the way… It’s what you do with cattle!

VELMA:

They have been known to take a bite out of people if taken by surprise…

MAN:

Here, pretty cows… Come to daddy… Just you wait until I get the law on you, missus… You’re going to be in such trouble… Come on now… Pretty cows…

THE MAN REACHES OUT FOR THE CLOSEST COW WHO HAS BEEN LICKING THE MOSSY SEWER FLOOR – AS IT LOOKS UP HE REALISES THAT THE COW IS FAR FROM NORMAL; IT’S FACE IS HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED, WITH AN ALMOST EVIL EXPRESSION – ITS TEETH ARE SHARP FANGS…

MAN: (breathless, shocked)

V,V,V,VAMPIRE C,C,COWS…

VELMA LAUGHS – THE MAN’S SCREAMS ECHO DOWN THE TUNNEL...

Finally, moving on from THE BEAST OF FRIENDS I am expecting to release the first seasons of the two spin-off seasons in either January or February - so keep yours eyes open for news on that. I won't write about it yet as If I do I might give away a couple of spoilers... But soon!!

Next time, I'll either be building up to or reporting back from my one and only gig of 2015, which takes place at The Poetry Café of Thursday 29th October... It all depends on how much time I have... Once that show is done we reach that time of year again where I am due to go away for my birthday and I am hoping to take plenty of photographs and write another Horner diary piece which may or may not explore the mystery of the candy-floss eating zombie from my previous Devon story from a couple of weeks ago.

Anyway, more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

All content of this post is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015

MORE BEASTLINESS... COMING SOON!

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON FOUR (A PREVIEW)

Hello beasties!

This week I'm going to give you a little run-through of the four double-episodes that make up the 4th and final season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS... This year, I've been moving almost as slowly on my writing projects as I have on my actual bandaged legs at the moment (long story!), but I have finally completed the proofreading of the final script and have just sent off for a test copy from lulu.com before I release it in a few weeks time. As for what comes next I can't really tell you much about the spin-off series until season 4 is released - so let's just focus on the last four scripts of the BEAST instead.

SCRIPT 1: CRIMES OF PASSION

Just as Colin's life hangs in the balance he receives a visitor who appears to know the future. Meanwhile, the house is full  of strangers - but what exactly they want is hard to fathom; although it would appear that one of them doesn't actually have a reflection...

 

This script introduces some new characters - one of them a new foe who appears throughout this final season - while the others are colleagues of Copernicus Smith and may be familiar to those who already know my work... Colin is still in hospital and still in danger - but will the enemy make her move or will things be trickier than that? This season there are only four scripts - but they are double-length episodes. In a way this way good for developing character interactions, especially during the final season of the series - but generally I prefer to write the short length episodes. As much as I like writing dialogue I am also a big fan of busy plot-lines and it is easier to write those when you have regular cliff-hangers to work to every 10 to 15 pages.

 

SCRIPT 2 : A JOURNEY TO THE OTHER SIDE...



Katrina decides to accept her fate and will accompany Roland and his associates back to the other side – however unknown to Horner, Warren and Colin it is not Katrina but Velma who has accepted this plan. Meanwhile, Nigel tries to match-make Warren with Copernicus, whilst the real Katrina realises that rules are sometimes there to be broken when she is offered a way out – but with a catch…

There is a lot of game playing in this episode - but just who knows what and who is completely oblivious. One way or another nobody is going to get exactly what they would like - especially not "the friends". This script also features a character from the third season who is due to play a big part in the last two scripts of this season. It was nice to have Copernicus, Roland and Nigel to work with in this episode - as they are characters that I have written about for twenty five years. I have returned to a number of other old characters from the same era whilst writing HOT STUFF!! one of the new spin-off series from BEAST. 

SCRIPT 3: THE SCANDALMONGERS...
 

Lots of bad things are going on… Somebody is causing trouble for Horner, Warren and Colin – whilst Katrina must deal with her problems without them. Two old adversaries return – one a member of the press – the other one is a real mother…

I enjoyed writing this script most of all this series and it was nice to have some returning characters - one in particular that is especially close to my heart, although I can't really reveal who right now. This episode also sees Katrina doing her best to solve the problems of the household - even when she can't be living there in person. Things are starting to unravel and events build to a conclusion that will be resolve one way or another in the final script of the season. I got to have a lot of fun writing this script - but was also keen to reflect on some of Katrina's personal battles; aware that I needed to be careful with balancing the serious with the silly and not going too far either way. 

SCRIPT 4:  FANGS FOR THE MEMORIES

Life is completely upside down! Horner has been dragged into the sewers by a creature that came up his bath plug-hole. Katrina has just strangled Ashley. Colin and Lucy are facing an unknown terror in the basement of the pawn shop. Shy Yeti is on the run and Warren hears bad news from Copernicus and Co… That’s only the tip of the ice-berg in what we present here as the very last episode of Beast.

Ah well, so the episode summary above gives away the two returning foes from script 3 - Ashley and Shy Yeti; but maybe things are not quite as they seem. Ashley doesn't appear very much in this script - however Shy Yeti does make a cameo; I do so like getting to mock myself! There are a number of other returning characters in this final episode - but, I can reveal, nothing from Cromitty and Clive - two of the main characters who I sent packing in the second season and then exploded to high heaven during the third season. The cast they are a-changing, with Lucy now part of the main team, but I also remained strong when it came to killing off a main character towards the end of the episode. I definitely continued to mix the dramatic with the daft - a rather silly beast or two to balance the tragedy of a key character being killed off. As I wrote the ending I saw it more as the end of a chapter, rather than the end of everything; especially as I had already begun work on the spin-off series by this stage. Oh yes, and then there's one other thing I still had to write - THE BEAST OF FRIENDS MOVIE SCRIPT!!! But more about that another time...

Next time - it's almost the big day... THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON 4 is due out  the week beginning 12th October - but firstly I have a trip to Devon to share with you... There will be photos - some chitter-chat and hopefully a short story involving the character of Horner from BEAST as he goes to seek the advice of THE MYSTIC CATS OF TORQUAY!!! I kid ye not...

More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx
 

All contents of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.

HAPPY NEW YEAR... A LITTLE LATE...

THE BEASTS ARE BACK!! OUT NOW...

Hello beasties!

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

Yes, I'm a little late - but this is the first post of 2015...

Do you like the new site? Look at all the wondrous changes we've made!

Okay - so very few changes, but we are no longer really MY OWN APPLICATION AS PEOPLE'S POET, but instead SHY YETI'S SHY PLACE... At least for a while anyway! I just thought that maybe I should slightly retitle the site in the way that I'm now Shy Yeti rather than The Daffy Poet - not that I ever really used that title anywhere but on the site.

I'm sure you've been aware that over the last four or five years my books have been more than just about poetry - but also about the prose and short stories that I have been writing. I have a new collection of poems and prose out in a month or six, A YETI WAY OF THINKING - but other than that I spent most of 2014 writing scripts and only very few poems.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that this blog has long been about my writing in general rather than just about my poetry. We've been together since 2001 - I think we can cope with this slight change. We can, can't we?! Good...

So, enough with the heavy - let's move on... It's time to announce my first book of 2015 and this one ISN'T about poetry, it's the third instalment of my series, THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - although it can be read as a standalone adventure whether you've read the previous two or not...

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON THREE!!!

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - Season 3 is the third season of eight scripts concerning a number of curious characters; an amphibian journalist known as Horner and his shape-changing wife, Suzette, a witch called Katrina, a werewolf named Colin, Warren - a fellow with a very strange upbringing and their new housemate, Christophe - a mummy with a dark and mysterious past! This season, written between 2013 and 2014 continues to explore their adventures - all under one roof! This book is 144 pages in length.  

Pbk Ed.: www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-beast-of-friends---season-three/15105416 £6.99

Hbk Ed.: www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/the-beast-of-friends---season-three/16191840 £14.99

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON THREE

This is the third season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS which is set in a boarding house in Fulham. The house is owned by Horner. The first episode picks up from the end of the second season and the following seven episodes investigates the impact of the arrival of some of the newer characters in the household. Here's a little about each of the main  characters.

Andrew Horner

“Horner” is a writer who most of the time appears to be an ordinary human – accept that once or twice a year he goes through his “Skin-time” in which he goes into a coma and sheds his skin and becomes a psychotic amphibian. He is the main character in all the episodes and at the end of the second season he got married…

Suzette Horner

Suzette is Horner’s new wife… She is a shape-changer, which Horner didn’t know when he married her – he thought that she was a frog who had been transformed into a princess by his kiss. He’s a romantic fool. Suzette is far from a princess!

Colin

A Werewolf with “unconventional lycanthropy”. He is changed by a list of rather odd causes which have very little to do with the moon. During his time in the house he has become best friends with Horner, Warren and Katrina.

Warren Helix

Warren is a nervous gay man – although he is getting bolder. His parents are rather weird and they didn’t take very well when Warren didn’t turn out to be as odd as the rest of the family. When he came out to them he told them that he was also a clairvoyant vampire – which he isn’t. Warren hopes, one day, to discover what IS different about himself – but maybe being normal is what makes him different!

Katrina Hortensia

Once a force for evil, Katrina is now a reformed character where black magic is concerned; more recently has been struggling to kick the drink. She occasionally gets work as an actress and, of late, has become best of friends with Suzette.

Christophe Eversobad

Christophe is a mummy… or is he? Well, he’s certainly wrapped in bandages – but absolutely anybody could be underneath. Colin allowed him to move in to the spare room whilst Horner was getting married and loads of other things were going on…

Scripts and further information to follow... There aren't too many spoilers - but enough info to intrigue you, I hope...

SCRIPT 1: AFTERMATH OF A BIG DAY… 

Script 1 allows us to look back at Horner and Suzette’s big day to see just how it all ended – we also learn more about what’s up with the new house-mate, Christophe!

SCRIPT 2: OH! MUMMY!

Suzette’s niece comes to visit and is fixated by Christophe’s bandages! Will she have her wicked way with him? Will we finally learn exactly who dwells within?

SCRIPT 3: KATRINA GETS A DAY JOB…

Katrina has agreed to help run her friend’s newsagents for her – however Katrina is not feeling well herself – for she is suffering a cold that has trained her magic powers. Meanwhile, Colin gets ever more suspicious about Christophe…

SCRIPT 4: THE WRONG SORT OF MOON...

Colin finds himself unable to control his transformations and he suspects that Christophe has somehow caused this. Will Warren believe him and can he help?

SCRIPT 5: THE RETURN OF THE TERRIBLE TWO…

There is trouble brewing between Clive and Cromitty – both of whom are back in town and in the middle of a professional feud. Meanwhile, Christophe attempts to hypnotise Suzette and Colin is about to set forth on his greatest adventure to date.

SCRIPT 6: THE END OF… WHATEVER!

Clive has a devastating message for Christophe, Colin has an explosive encounter and a fight breaks out between the housemates just as Horner finally sees sense…

SCRIPT 7: MOTHER-IN… LURE!

Warren's mother, Ashley, offers him the opportunity to be remembered forever whilst Horner attempts to find out what has happened to Colin and Suzette has a present to deliver to Christophe. The end of the world is also still nigh!!

SCRIPT 8: HAPPY NEVER AFTER

Christophe finds that the tables are beginning to turn on him – but the game is not yet won. Clive and Cromitty reveal their game plan and more than one house mate is soon to meet their maker…Who will live? Who will die?

Before we finish here's a daft extract from script 5...

A BELL RINGS AS THEY ENTER – A YOUNG LADY DRESSED LIKE A YAK STANDS BY THE TILL; SHE IS FILING HER NAILS WITH HER ANTLERS.

THE LADY (LUCY): (cheerfully)

Hello! Can I help you at all? My name’s Lucy by the way… Pleased to meet you!

KATRINA: (impressed and amused)

Pleased to meet you too! I like the yak suit… That really is super cool…

LUCY: (enthusiastically)

Cheers… It’s just my way of expressing myself… You should get one too!

WARREN: (in agreement)

I really think we should. Do you think they have an ant-eater one?

LUCY:

I think they probably do… Ant-eaters were all the rage earlier in the year…

KATRINA: (enquiring tone)

And what about badgers? I’ve always thought that I might be the reincarnation of a badger… Black and white stripes have long been my favourite type of stripe…

LUCY:

Oh god! Me too… Although I fancy a zebra-suit myself… I just need to save up!

WARREN: (concerned)

I take it that these are all synthetic… Not real animal skins? No, of course not…

KATRINA: (tongue slightly in cheek)

I guess it’s a warning that although she may appear to be just a pretty young girl at heart – that deep inside she is a raging beast with a great deal to say for herself?

LUCY: (laughing)

Close but no… I actually dress like a yak to show cute dudes that I’m horny…

KATRINA: (impressed)

YOU really are a girl after my own heart… Even though the idea of me having rumpo with cute dudes probably makes you want to hurl… It does still happen!

LUCY: (teasing)

I’m pleased! It’s reassuring in a way… Just shows there is indeed hope for us all…
 

WARREN: (rambling – from upbeat to depressed)

It is, isn’t it? Still… She does look pretty good for her age! She is FAR older than you’d think! That said, don’t listen to me, I’ve been permanently disturbed by being taught the facts of life by my mother… It was pretty traumatic – there were hand-outs, slides, demonstrations – the works. And she didn’t just teach us human reproduction either – she went through everything from vampires to space aliens!

KATRINA: (faux-sympathetic)

Oh… You poor love… That woman has a lot to answer for… Us witches get a bad name sometimes, but really – your mother oversteps the mark every time!

LUCY: (honestly… I think!)

Hearing that disturbs me even more! I guess in truth I just like dressing up as furry things; tomorrow I’ll be an elk, on Thursday a deer and Friday I’ll be an antelope!

WARREN: (politely – getting back on track)

Wow! Look, we’ve actually come here because we’d like to buy that clock over there… Is he still for sale? We’re very enthusiastic about purchasing him…

LUCY: (levelling with them)

He is for sale, but he’s very old though; I’m not sure how his innards are doing!

KATRINA: (enthusiastic)

That’s fine! We know him! He ended up here by mistake; may we buy him back?

LUCY: (kindly)

Oh… Well… If he actually belonged to you and he was given to us without your consent then I should probably just return him to you – we don’t want trouble…

WARREN:

Oh no! It was a mistake! We’ll happily buy him back… Hi, Clive… How are you?

CLIVE: (rudely robotically)

I do not want to go back… Not with them… They bore me. The time is 18:52…

Well, I hope you enjoyed that! Just to let you know - I am hoping to release the following books this year - although the dates are a little vague at the moment; but here goes it...

SHY YETI BOOKS DURING 2015...

JANUARY: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - 3

MAY: POETIQUETTE - 10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

APPROX JULY: A YETI WAY OF THINKING

SEPTEMBER: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - 4

NOVEMBER: HOT STUFF - 1 // KENSINGTON GORE - 1

I'm also planning to do at least two Poetry Café shows - but don't have dates yet as they only book three months in advance and I don't intend to do a show until at least April or May. I'm definitely intending to do shows for POETIQUETTE and A YETI WAY OF THINKING and then we'll see where that takes us in the year. More information when I have it!!

Next time I'll share a few more of the photos... I'll try not to leave it so long next time!

Yeti hugs, Paul x

All content of this post is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015

BEHIND THE SCENES OF SHY YETI GOES WILD - TWO!!

Hello folks and folkettes!

This week I'm posting a few photos from behind the scenes on the one of the episodes I was busy working on during my week off at the end of May and early June. These photos will make up the episodes SHY YETI GOES WILD 2 which is also now ready to view - so before we go any further, here are all the links that you need to know and a bit about the new film:

SHY YETI GOES WILD - TWO!! is the sequel to SHY YETI GOES WILD!! Who knew!?! It was filmed during May 2012 in various locations around London and Surrey and contains three poems and two yeti dances. The poems included are: A WASP IN A WIG, COLIN THE CUSTARD EATING SPIDER and THE STAND-UP CHAMELEON; there are also a fair few silly attempts at animal-related limericks. Special guests include Dominic McCauley and Calum WIlliamson. Music by Luca. All poems and content of this film are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012. SHY YETI GOES WILD - TWO!! is a Shy Yeti Production.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/cE3HYQ5_Mlg

Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/45116718

Please note: The Vimeo version of this film is a slightly under ten minute edit compared to the original which is almost 15 minutes, however it retains all the poems and yeti dancing, losing only some of the views, some out-takes and a small percentage of the additional silliness... involving a werewolf! Ahem.

Next week we'll be looking at the other show filmed during my May/June holiday, my SHY YETI'S BEST OF BRITISH episode...

Over the next few weeks we'll also be looking at some of what you can expect from my forthcoming Summer holiday - which, I can assure you will definitely involve the recording of some new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes for late Summer / early Autumn, not to mention an opportunity to edit the 2nd of 2011's two "lost" episodes...

Anyway, here's that poem as promised - a live version appears last up in my recent INTERWEB/BLOG BONANZA show video: http://youtu.be/3RwIHwomio4 I still consider this version still a draft version - as until the book is published I reserve the right to change any element of the piece that I fancy! (But in this case I probably won't!)

More soon - yeti hugs,

Paul xx

BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE


British Summertime is here!

The wind is in the trees…

There’s mist upon the ocean –

And there’s raindrops in the breeze!

The ducks have their umbrellas out –

The swans are swanning off…

All the scarecrows have pneumonia –

Or at least a nagging cough!

There’s a chance of sleet, this evening…

So, you’ll need to wear a coat!

There’s a flood forecast for Friday…

So, I’d buy yourself a boat!


Summertime’s hard to predict –

What weather may arise?

Any chance of warmth, unlikely.

But could we cope with that surprise?


British Summertime is here!

The grass is frozen solid…

The birds are skating on the ice –

But they are looking slightly squalid…

All the garden gnomes are striking –

They’ll emigrate to cosy climes –

All the gold fish look so glum…

They’re harking back to finer times…

To days when Summer holidays –

Guaranteed a little fun;

And lotion was applied –

To give protection from the sun…


Now Summertime’s hard to predict –

What weather be occurring?

If the clouds begin to swirl;

Then a tsunami may be stirring!


British Summertime is here!

But so is hail and thunder…

Fish and chips and mushy peas –

Bus-stops to shelter under…

The puddles grow, the tourists scream –

Their sunhats have gone floppy!

Down on the farm, knee-deep in mud.

Even the pigs are getting stroppy!

Those on the beach got washed away –

And floated out to sea…

They lost all their belongings –

And the gulls ate their cream tea!


Summertime’s just a non-starter…

Will the weather find its feet?

You’re gonna have to wait ‘til Winter…

To earn yourselves a little heat!


British summertime is here…

There’s a blizzard round the corner…

We are not too keen about it –

And nor’s the flora and the fauna!

We’d just like a little sunshine –

Just to have a little bask…

Just to get ourselves a tan!

I mean, is it much too much to ask…

For the rain to just stop falling?

For the fog to just dissolve?

Why can’t the weather get it right,

For once?

Why can’t the seasons just evolve!?


Summertime’s quite hard to gauge…

Just get out there, don’t delay!?

You’re either hot or freezing cold…

Have a happy holiday!!

This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.