BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE...

A RANDOM NEW PIECE ABOUT CATS...

Hello beasties!!

This week I want to focus on cats - okay - not just any cat, mainly Deeley... But hey! He is our mascot and I know a lot of my followers do like to see his little purring face on my blog and in my videos and sometimes even in my podcasts. So... Anyway! I have some recent photos of him and I have some funny experiments with an app called Prisma where I used a Deeley photo and then manipulated it! (See above... and also below... lots below, actually!) This post I also have a new prose piece to share with you - a new prose piece concerning those of a fine feline persuasion.

Before we get on to that I would also let to present to you the next couple of episodes of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - episodes 13 and 14... I'm currently working on episode 15, which is the first of two starring Toppie Smellie! Very excited to be working on those. Here are the two new episodes:

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 13: OBSCURE CULT TV AND OTHER ODDITIES...

Here we are for episode THIRTEEN!! This time Mr Yeti is speaking to two different friends - Andrew "Trowby" Trowbridge and Lisa Parker - whom he first met back in the early 90s through their shared love of cult TV, namely Dr Who. Over the years Mr Yeti appeared in a lot of home-made movies with the pair - and they both became SUTTON PARK regulars. Listen carefully as they discuss these days in a pub in Winchester and also recommend to you a number of obscure TV shows from the 60s and 70s that they have recently enjoyed. I am aiming to get episode 14 of the show ready by mid-to-late August! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Episode 13 was recorded on the 16th July 2016. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 14: FORGOTTEN TREASURES...

Here we are for episode FOURTEEN!! This time Mr Yeti delves into some forgotten treasures that he has been meaning to share with you for some time. We head off with him on a bus, hear about a number of lost poems and are presented with another of his Shy Yeti sketches... All that and much, much more! Thank you to Chrissie and Nicole from Greetings From Nowhere for allowing me to use a clips from episode 315 - The Great Sitcom Debate. Coming soon: Episode 15... The first of two episodes starring Toppie Smellie from The Smellcast! Should be up in the next week to ten days. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Sound effects by Soundbible or Sabine Eismeyer. Episode 14 was recorded between the 17th July and the 10th August 2016. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

These episodes are available on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also on Soundcloud at:

13:  https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-13-obscure-cult-tv-and-other-oddities

14: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-14-forgotten-treasures

As I mentioned, I'm currently busy editing episode 14 and will hopefully have that one ready in the next day or so... The original version of 14 ran to under an hour and is made up of lots of bits that needed a home; but on Wednesday 10th August I added approximately 20 minutes more material! I think - I hope- that it'll make the episode even better!

Oh, and by the way - the Waterloo t-shirt design is by my friend Paul Webster @p_webs on Twitter who also drew the BEAST OF FRIENDS and ONION MAN illustrations, amongst others - for my last couple of books. He has a store on REDBUBBLE that is definitely worth checking out:

http://www.redbubble.com/people/paulwebster

and also: http://www.doodlehead.com.au

Thank you to Toby for two photos of D having a good old stretch on a foot-stall... These next four I took just before I went down to Kent.

As I promised earlier, the following photos are some daft pictures of Deeley put through the Prisma app...

Poor Deels! That last one is really rather harsh!

Next time I hope to have another yeti script, but I'm progressing slightly slower with that at the moment - so we shall see... There will definitely be something before I head off for my next holiday! In fact it's looking very likely that I'll be presenting something very exciting and quite exclusive next time around!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. This piece was written between Monday 8th and Sunday 14th August 2016... I also decided on the title on the 8th, having known that I wanted to write a new cat piece on this particular topic for a couple of weeks, but not having had an exact title before I started work on the piece.

THE CATS IN THE CROWD...

Cats...

They're at their best when hidden...
It's all part of their curious reputation...
Look around you - they are out there...
I don't mean those felines that you see every day...
It's the cats that you don't see that interest me...
Those in disguise - the cats in the crowd!

You may not see them straight away -
But they are there...
On the train to work -
In the queue at the Post Office...
Dressed as a loofah in your bathroom!
That business-man who sits opposite you on your commute...
Look closer... No! Closer...
Do you see the whiskers yet?
Yes! Sure... I know that beards are very in fashion at the moment...
But these are real whiskers...
Kitty antenna, even!
They do a good job, though - skulking away there...
Hiding behind false glasses and a smart suit...
Peering out from behind a newspaper - from under their bowler hats...
You wouldn't instantly look at them and think...
"CAT!! CAT!!!!"
They know their jobs and they know them well -
And they're not going to make some half-arsed job of it...
When a cat goes out in disguise then most probably you'll never notice...
Those darting eyes take in all that is going on...
Seeing everything that is occurring - noting every single change...
They're really not afraid to make comment on what they see...
It's all part of their curiosity; born to tip-toe...
One might think that a cat's most natural human ancestor -
Was the foreman or maybe the local village busy-body...
Any imperfections are instantly clocked...
Any re-arrangement of their home environment is duly recorded...
Don't you see it?
The notepad in their back pocket? The pencil behind the ear?!
They always come well-prepared; expect their full report in hours -
Be sure they will make their thoughts crystal-clear...
Why on earth did she choose THAT carpet?
Is she colour-blind - can't she see how badly it clashes with the curtains!?
So he clearly got his own way with the wall-paper; big mistake...
As for gossip - the manner in which you arrange your prized ornaments -
Is just small fry compared to what they think of that dress - that tie...
That shirt - that suit - those shoes - your HAIR - that DREADFUL tattoo...
To be honest you might as well just give up if you don't want to be judged...
After all, it's not as if you're going to get your own back...
Try and criticise their manky tail or wilting ears - that scar...

Tease them over their limited taste in cat food...
"Chicken and ham! Always the same! What's wrong with you! Freak!"
They will pretend not to hear your taunts- but they will take it all in...

Don't get caught bad-mouthing them about their wobbly belly...

They will bottle it up...
One day you will find yourself at the sharp end of their claws!
Just be careful, be alert - as alert at cats are - if not a little more...
Look around you; that business man over there - does he have a tail?

Well, does he? And is he humming some familiar tune under his breath?

Listen... Think again... He may not be humming after all...

Simply purring!!

They're at their best when hidden...
Those in disguise - the cats in the crowd!

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. 

DEELEY IS REALLY PLEASED TO SEE YOU...

A NEW POEM ABOUT OUR FURRY FRIENDS...

Hello beasties!

This time I have a new poem for you. I've been intending to write a new cat poem for a while - partly because I had some nice photos of Deeley that I wanted to post and partly because I simply haven't written a cat-themed poem in quite some time. This one, DOWN THE CAT CAFE was inspired by reading about London's cat café - http://ladydinahs.com/, which I have not yet visited - but which I would dearly like to. It actually begun the poem back in early 2014 and then finished it just this week when I stumbled upon the early draft on my computer at work. I hope you enjoy it - it's typical yeti; a lot of old nonsense - but involving cats.

I'm not sure what I'll be writing about next time - none of my larger projects are completed, as yet... So we shall see...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. DOWN THE CAT CAFE was written in two stages but the lines were jiggled about and re-written, so it's harder to point out exactly which bits come from which period. That said, about half of what is presented was written between the 4th and the 5th of March 2014, with the rest being completed on Wednesday 20th May 2015; the main structure of each verse coming from the earlier date. The majority of verses one and two also come from 2014 - although there were some new lines added, additionally all of verse four was written more recently - with verse three written half and half. Enough now!

DOWN THE CAT CAFE...

If your tail is feeling frisky -

Then you know the place to be...

Come on down the cat cafe...

Cat nip on tap to sniff for free!

Oh! For there really is no option -

Nor a better place to eat!

If you've a rather eager purr -

And one wet nose; four feline feet...

Just comb your whiskers ‘til they shine -

And wear a smile that shows you’re proud!..

Midnight at the cat cafe -

You’ve gotta stand out from the crowd!

If your paws are feeling itchy -

And there's a problem to be solved...

Get thee down the cat cafe...

And soon your woes will be resolved!

Any other choice you make -

It's gonna seem a lot more plain...

Just a restaurant - with food...

Not some fantastic cat domain!

There's something you have got to know -

A way of being that's becoming!

So do get down the cat cafe...

To hear the kitty choir humming!

If your ears are feeling perky -

And you're bottling the blame...

Just get on down the cat cafe...

As bold as brass and without shame!

There is no harm in heading west -

You must just get into position…

There are important things to do -

This is a cake-collecting mission…

Not that too many cats eat cake -

It isn’t good for kitty’s health…

Oh, just get down the cat café!

I was just thinking ‘bout myself…

If your fur is feeling fluffy -

Then you know the place to go...

Just head on down the cat cafe...

Sit in the window, there on show!

Those passing by they need to see -

The type of client that frequents…

This extra-special restaurant…

For it attracts a cat with sense!

It is a place for those with style!

And not for moggies who like boozing!

At home there down the cat café…

In pride of place, oh so a-MEW-sing!

DOWN THE CAT CAFE and all other content of this post are Copyright, Paul Chandler 2015. Photos by Paul Chandler and Toby Warburton.

COMING SOON - YOU COOL CATS...

THE 10TH ANNIVERSARY OF "POETIQUETTE..."

Hello beasties,

To celebrate the upcoming 10th anniversary of POETIQUETTE I'm posting you a poem about a cat... Sorry dog-lovers... I was writing this book around the time that Deeley came to live with me, so he inspired this one...

NEW KITTY SIDEKICK…


I’ve got a new kitty sidekick…
A kitten full of PURRRR!
Took a while to work out prop’ly –
Whether t’was a him or her…
Could he be a kitten angel?
Seems he’s quite immune to lice!
He does these picture postcard poses!
Keeps his whiskers really nice…
See him hanging from the curtains…
Well, a kitten’s gotta climb!
Could I maybe teach him housework!
‘Coz he’s surely got the time!
He’s so choosy with his dinners –
Now he’s off his mother’s teats!
Only seems to like the high-life;
Expensive caviar for treats!
He could become a catnip addict!
You’ll come a cropper to his paws!
He may grow up to be a tiger!
‘Coz he doesn’t mew – he ROARS!!

I’ve got a new kitty sidekick…
A tiny kitten full of perk…
Round my feet he likes to wander…
On my shoulder there does lurk!
Really fussy with his collar –
Doesn’t care quite what I think!
He no longer wears the ermine –
Now only trolls around in MINK!
Yes, he’s my loveable puss playmate;
Seems I’ve forgotten all my friends…
But it’s the way my kitten likes it –
Now my social life soon ends!
From the expressions that he gives me!
Spelt out clearly – plain advice…
A rabbit’s head upon my pillow –
Or just a dozen rotten mice…
Yes, this puts his point across now…
It’s just occurred to me, “HOW QUICK!”
It is I who’s his companion…
Yes, it is me – HIS new side-kick…

...And here he is! The purry fellow himself in February 2015!!

I should add that Deeley has become a bit of a prima donna lately and only allows Toby to photograph him! So thanks to Toby for passing on the photos to me!
 

Next time I may have some photos from my Berlin trip and maybe another a poem - either an old one or a brand new one... We shall see!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all written contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015. NEW KITTEN SIDE-KICK appears in his book, POETIQUETTE, which is due to be re-released in a 10th anniversary edition during May 2015. All photos are Copyright Toby W., 2015.

THE MUGSHOT SHOW!!

BACK AT THE POETRY CAFE...

Hello beasties!!

This time I'm going to be looking back at last Wednesday's show at The Poetry Café. Sadly Mr Smallshaw was unable to make the evening due to family commitments - but don't worry, he's fine and should be back with us for our show at the end of October. We did, however, have a number of open-mike readers and various friends, partners and passersby - which made it the busiest Shy Yeti show so far this year. Let's get started and I'll share with you all of the details.

I AM SICK (BUT DO I WANNA BE CURED)

NATIONAL TREASURE

THE CROCODILE

GRANDPA’S WIG

IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY?

KISS ME QUICK

LAID

PEACE OF MIND IN A TEABAG

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE DON’T LOOK DOWN ON ME…

INGRID BERGMAN’S NOSE

IN TALKS WITH THE CAT

KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG

SWEPT OFF MY FEET

MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL

THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU

BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD

THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

LITTLE PIG

I WILL EAT PIES

IN A LITTLE MORE DETAIL...

I AM SICK (BUT DO I WANNA BE CURED)

NATIONAL TREASURE
FROM: NOT AS SHY AS I WAS (2013)

I'm busy working on my YETI WAY OF THINKING collection, but as this evening was meant to be more about the poems from MUGSHOTS, I decided not to read anything from the new collection; we can get to that next year once it's released. The first two pieces that I read that evening were both from last year's NOT AS SHY AS I WAS - two of my favourites which I have also recorded videos for (under the MRSHYYETI profile).

THE CROCODILE (DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS, 2010)

GRANDPA’S WIG (THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, 2011)
IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY? (ARE WE THERE, YETI?, 2013)
KISS ME QUICK (THE SHY LIFE, 2009)
LAID (THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, 2011)
PEACE OF MIND IN A TEABAG (VAMPIRE COWS..., 2011
COLLECTED IN: SHY YETI STILL RULES OKAY… (2012)

The next batch of poems came from a number of different collections, although what links them is that they were all included in 2012's SHY YETI STILL RULES OKAY. GRANDPA'S WIG and LAID are both 100-word stories, THE CROCODILE was written sometime ago inspired by then boss's boss, whilst IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY? seemed topical and PEACE OF MIND hasn't had an airing in a while.

OPEN-MIKE

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE... (POETIQUETTE, 2005)

Following the performance of our first open-miker I read this verse from POETIQUETTE that I had revisited for the first time in years just that week. I enjoyed performing it - but I'd like to do more with it at some stage.

INGRID BERGMAN’S NOSE

IN TALKS WITH THE CAT
KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG
SWEPT OFF MY FEET
FROM: MUGSHOTS (2005)

These four poems were all from MUGSHOTS, the first and third pieces I had read before - the other two received their debut on the night.

OPEN-MIKE

MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL
THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU

FROM: SHY YETI’S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008)

Following another open-mike interval I returned to read two poems from my 2008 collection. I've read both before, but not in a while. A version of MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL can be heard at: 
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/my-life-is-a-musical

OPEN MIKE // BRIEF BREAK // OPEN-MIKE

BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD (JUNK/FOOD, 2002)
THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY (CAVEMAN LOGIC, 2009)
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE (ROLLERCOASTER, 2003)
LITTLE PIG (SHY YETI’S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION, 2008)
I WILL EAT PIES (RHYMES BEAR STEAL PIES FOR, 2007)

COLLECTED IN: SHY YETI RULES OKAY (2009)

Another open-miker, a brief break, another open-miker and then I was into my final run of poems for the night; a slightly shorter show due to John's absence. The last five poems were all from different collections, but all of them were also brought together for my SHY YETI RULES OKAY compilation in 2009.

Thanks to everybody who showed up, especially Calum and Ian Green (who I'd not seen in about 20 years, despite staying in touch). Thank you also to all the open-mikers who read, apologies for not crediting you, but you didn't announce your names before performing and I didn't get a chance to ask.

Here are a few photos from the night...

The next show is on Halloween... Friday 31st October 2014 when John Smallshaw will be back!

Next time, we have a recent interview that I did with THE BEARGRRRIAN GAZETTE about what I've been up to writing-wise...

More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx




This post and all contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2014.