MY CAT OWNS ME... (NEW PROSE)

DEELEY CAT - HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD...

Hello beasties!

Just a quick piece this week as I've been busy editing two podcast episodes side by side, one of them the second of the two Venice episodes and the other a silly episode involving Cromitty that I recorded out of the blue last weekend; more on that duo of episodes next week.

So, all I really have for you this week is a new short prose piece - I heard the phrase "flash prose" today for the first time and am wondering if that's not the more precise description of the "prose pieces" that you often hear me going on about.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_prose

Yeah, that kind of fits the description of a lot of the things that I publish on here and in my books... Flash prose, aye!? That's kind of flash, isn't it?

The new piece is - once again - inspired by my beloved kitty, Deeley and the way that he treats his loyal human pals. I won't say any more as it's pretty much all said in the piece, so let's just get on with it and I'll see you back here next week! 

Oh, before I go - just to let you know - I will definitely be releasing a Christmas post this year. It features Gladstone McWhiskers, Mouse Of Commons inviting Shy Yeti to a Christmas Party - but this one is perhaps a party with a difference... You'll have to read it to see why!! On top of that I'll also be releasing a post by way of a Review Of My Year - full of links to posts that I've written during 2016.

Anyway, more soon! Take care - yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS This piece was written on date of posting, Thursday 8th December 2016.

MY CAT OWNS ME...

My cat owns me...

Should I ever doubt that?

Every day, without fail...
My cat drags me over to his perch -

I only have to be passing - 
On the way to the sock drawer or to collect breakfast bowls bound for the sink...
Should he see me then my cat will do his very best to grab my attention..,

This he does by shouting out with his most loud and obnoxious meow...

"Get over here - now, right this minute!"

Should I dilly dally then he will make it clearly known that he disapproves -

And he will repeat his demands...

Only this time, louder, faster, meaner...

Once I'm ready to give in I approach him where he sits -
He is on head height up there - so we face one another...

My cat seems very pleased to see me...

The angry, impatient mews become sweet and approving chirrups.

It actually feels nice to receive such praise.

It's a pat on the head, in a way - 

A good mark in class for a piece of work laboured over...

So now - standing there in position; 
It is almost immediately that the arm licking begins!

I used to presume that he was simply trying to groom me -

It made me laugh because the thought of him doing that was ridiculous!

He would never manage it all; I'm far too furry...
It's okay, kitty - a shower will do the job just fine.

Of course I now realise that what the licking actually represents -

Is a feline form of tagging - a method of labelling...

"THIS IS MY HUMAN!! HE IS MY PROPERTY - SO HANDS OFF!!"

It's a declaration of ownership - a warning to others of his kind...

Some might find this disturbing - uncomfortable; 
Some might shrug their shoulders, non-plussed - 
They consider it to be just the way animals are...

But I must say that I feel quite differently...

It actually makes my heart swell with pride;
That he feels it necessary to signpost his most treasured possession.

"THIS HUMAN IS MINE! MINE! MINE!"
I cannot tell you how proud I am for it to be so...
He wants ME! He really does... 
He may ignore me on occasion - but will never completely reject me; 
Anything but...
I belong to this fine furry beast...
With his manly purrs - his sharp claws -
Claws that may kill or simply guide or instruct...
My cat... With his lazy demeanour -
With his greedy faced contradictions -
And his evident addiction to catnip.
Such handsome whiskers...
With such a daft way about him - 

Oh yes, my cat owns me; really owns me...

There is no doubt about it...

This post and all contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

SHY YETI IS AWAY... AGAIN!!!

A FEW DAYS IN LUXEMBOURG... 

Hello beasties!!

I'm well and truly back from holiday now - in fact I've been home over a week! I want to tell of my adventures, but first I've a couple of new podcast episodes to share with you... The first one was recorded back in July and features my brother and my niece - it really is quite the silliest (and possibly strangest) episode yet! The second one mainly features Erik from The Hysteria Continues podcast talking about horror and 80s music - not to mention me having a wander around Hyde Park...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 18: WE ARE FAMILY... (MEET BEE-BUMBLE!!)

Here we are for episode EIGHTEEN - and I have recorded probably the strangest and silliest episode yet! My brother, Graham and niece, Alena were visiting my parents and it gave me the chance to catch up with them. I'd not seen them for three years! Things all begin quite normally with a chat about horror films and music - but then suddenly things take an odd turn... Have you ever heard of the band, Bee-Bumble!? No... But you will do... Wanna try Alena's jelly-bean challenge! (I'd take care if I were you!) There is also a new prose piece from Mr Yeti, BUTTERFLY HONEY. It really is a bizarre episode, but fun, I hope!! Thank you to Graham, Alena for appearing on this show and also to mum and dad who also briefly cameo. I am aiming to get episode 19 of the show ready in the week or so! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. Episode 18 was recorded between the 24th and the 25th July 2016. BUTTERFLY HONEY appears on my blog at the following link: http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2016_07_31_archive.html

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

18: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-18-we-are-family-meet-bee-bumble

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 19: TALKING ABOUT... POP MUSIC!! (AND HORROR FILMS!!)

Here we are for episode NINETEEN - and this one really is our longest show, so far! Our special guest is Erik From The Hysteria Continues Podcast - the podcast that got me into listening to podcasts in the first place! We mainly talk about horror films and the 80s - with a very special edition of Vinyl Vault!! Not only that but Mr Yeti takes you for a walk through Hyde Park and Kensington to have a little natter about what he's been up to and also has a quick chat with Calum... Our next three episodes 20-22 are a trilogy of shows recorded down in Kent in early August! Things get a little different... I am aiming to get episode 20 posted in the next week or so! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. Episode 19 was recorded between the 27th and the 28th July 2016, with additional links recorded on 29th August 2016.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

19: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-19-talking-about-pop-music-and-horror-films

Moving on now... Let me tell you a little bit about how we got on in Luxembourg the other week...

We arrived with no trouble on Sunday 21st August 2016 - but didn't do a lot that first day. Monday started off with a good breakfast and overcast skies - but the weather soon picked up and we explored the gorge and old town and had a lovely lunch. By the afternoon we were beginning to flag, as it had become very warm - but we found some good views and an ice cream and I managed to get some postcards to send my mum and also purchased myself a new baseball cap! Holiday souvenir job done - all in the first day!

On Tuesday we had a glorious day-trip to Trier, which really is a splendid little town. We walked down by the river, I took plenty of photos, recorded the podcast and even finished a poem that I'd begun back in 2013... You'll get a chance to read that later in this post. We had a very nice lunch, I had stuffed dumplings - and after exploring the cathedral we headed home - not by train but on a rail-replacement coach which afforded us some lovely hill-top views.

Wednesday we stayed in Luxembourg and visited the museum that concerned the history of the country. We also explored the lower town and walked through the park until we reached a good point to return to street level which enabled us to get back to our hotel - via a street-side café where we stopped for some well-earned ice cream. We didn't do very much at all that evening, catching up with reading and listening to audio plays - getting ready for the next day's escapades.

On Thursday, our final full day of the holiday we went to the city of Metz. It was another hot day and we walked from the station, via the shops and then had a picnic lunch on a little island by a church. I recorded a few important bits for the podcast and took a lot of photos and then we came home about 3.30. Reflecting back we liked Trier and Metz equally, but probably feel that Metz warrants a return visit as we suspect there was quite a bit we didn't see. Next day we headed home - after a nice breakfast and iced coffee in a coffee chain called Coffee Fellows which was very handy in that it was just up the road from our hotel and right opposite the stop that we needed to catch the bus to get us back to the airport. Once again the weather was very sunny - and it was pretty much the same when we got back to London too! If only U.K. trains ran as efficiently as the ones in mainland Europe... (Yes, our train journey home was full of delays, but never mind - we're used to it!)

Here are some photos from the trip... I'm afraid it's a bit of a mix of all three days here and the photos are of Luxembourg, Trier and Metz. 

There will be a few more photos to come, but probably not for a week or two - once the podcast episode from this trip is ready to be released. That said there are one or two that I took deliberately so that they could be used for any posts where a  photo is required; so you may see some more from the trip and not even realise it!!

To end this post I include a daft poem, recently completed whilst away - but more about that in the post-script! 

Coming up next time we'll probably be going back to Kent  as we have reached the episodes that I filmed there in late July/early August... It's going to be a lot of fun - at least that's what it says here...

So, anyway - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. The following piece was written between the 11th October 2013 and the 23rd August 2016, although I did briefly return to it in January 2014. It was originally entitled THEY FOUND OUR YETI and had been written in shorter verses, rather than one longer piece. It was probably half-written when I returned to it recently - rearranging the order of some of the existing lines. In the end it became a silly piece with a twisted moral - if you love something then lock it away... I really returned to it quite randomly - finding what I had already written on my phone during a day-trip to Trier on 23/08. It was during a period when I had been trying to complete a number of poems that were half-complete, having discussed them on my podcast. I mentioned this piece during the recording of a podcast episode from Luxembourg and also recorded a version of it for that show.

OUR YETI... GONE!!

Our yeti - gone!!

At such a cost!

The poor wee mites -

Are long since lost!

We looked on shelves -

Up on the roof...

But still saw no sign -

Of yeti claw nor hoof!

Behind the fridge?

Out in the shed?

No frantic growls...

We feared them dead!

We looked so hard -

We searched in vain...

On hands and knees!

But, oh the pain!

Boxed up in store?

Coated in dust?

For so many years -

We searched, we fussed...

We did not sleep -

Our vision blurry...

We saw no sight -

Of those so furry...

We left them food -

For they'd be famished!

T'was hard to fathom -

Where they'd all vanished...

We called their names -

We put up posters...

Placed beer mugs -

On their favourite coasters...

But alas, no need -

To get excited...

They did not show -

No yeti sighted...

Our hope now gone -

Our darkest hour...

Life once so sweet -

Now sickly sour...

Until... SUDDENLY -

One summer morn...

The air was filled with -

One large lazy yawn...

Hibernation done...

From the caves came creeping...

Our beasts were back -

Now done with sleeping...

Oh, happy day -

From every nation...

Came yelps of joy -

And celebration!

Our yeti - back!!

So glad they're home...

Locked up tight, to ensure  -

They'll never EVER roam...

This piece and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

AMSTERDAM... THE RETURN!!

BIRTHDAYS, HOLIDAYS AND NEW PROSE...

Hello beasties!

I am declaring this weekend a weekend of much yeti-ness...

Anyway - back to business as usual to kick off this busy weekend...

Well, I'm just back from Amsterdam - and it was rather a mixed trip, to say the least. I'm not going to do a very in-depth diary post as I am preparing a new episode of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST which was recorded during the trip and I also have plenty of photos to post - a lot of them are also in Twitter and Instagram. 

What I will say, to begin with, is that I was travelling with flat-mate Calum and that we were here for his 43rd birthday! (I'm not too far behind him, either...)

We flew from Gatwick after lunch on Sunday 29th May 2016 and arrived mid-afternoon - heading out for a couple of drinks and burgers at THE GREEN GRILL BAR, not too far from our hotel. The weather remained mainly over-cast the following day - but we got out and about and I recorded a fair bit of the material for the podcast - including the first part of an interview with Calum. I bought a few trinkets and we pottered about - having lunch in a favourite cafe of mine which I wrote a story about in my A YETI WAY OF THINKING collection. After a rest mud-afternoon we headed for Vondelpark - which is quite a large area and full of greenery and cyclists. We had dinner in... The word of the day in Flemish was winkel... It means shop!!

Unfortunately plans for the rest of the trip were spoilt when I took ill - it may well have been the chicken kebab that I'd eaten earlier in the evening - although we may never know for sure. Sadly, I spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday in bed. All I can say is I'm very glad I'd got some good tells on my phone which saved me from having to watch endless episodes of Bargain Hunt etc. By Thursday I was feeling a bit more myself and we took the boat and tram to the zoo - where I made friends with a cat and recorded more for the podcast, before nervously attempting to go for our last night before returning dinner.

From the point of the podcast, luckily I had recorded quite a bit of it during the first day and was then able to record a couple of bits from my sick-bed before rounding it all off on the final day at the zoo and on the city's canals...

The finished episode - released early Wednesday am, 8th June 2016 can be found on iTunes under THE SHY LIFE PODCAST or on Soundcloud at:

https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-3-a-slightly-iffy-trip-to-Amsterdam

Here are the details:

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 3: A SLIGHTY IFFY TRIP TO AMSTERDAM...

In this, our third full-length episode, Mr Yeti and his flat-mate Calum head off to Amsterdam for Calum's birthday! Alas all does not go quite to plan - but there is a lot chat about holidays gone by - a trip on the canal and some chatting with a zoo animal or two! This episode was recorded between the 29th May and the 5th June 2016. Our next episode will hopefully be out later in the month. All contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

Now that's out of the way, you're probably relieved to learn that I don't have as many photos for you as would usually be expected during one of my typical jaunts overseas. I've been to Amsterdam enough times as it is - it's not as if you don't know what the place looks like - although that said I don't appear to have blogged about any of my previous trips in any great detail; none of the ones from the 00s OR my last trip in June 2014 for my friend Harry's 40th.

So anyway, I'm going to share some of my photos from my somewhat ill-fated 2016 trip, but will also save one or two photos for my next post on the city, which includes another of my daft SHY YETI sketches.

Before we go I'm going to leave you with a new prose piece, which is a vague sequel to the story that I wrote last time I was in Amsterdam in 2014.

Next time - which will hopefully be tomorrow (!!) I should have another Shy Yeti sketch for you - it could be one of two; I'm not sure which one will be ready first... I have one set in Amsterdam where Shy Yeti is on a film set and then one that concerns a rather peculiar psychic who turns up on Mr Yeti's door. Episode 4 of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST will also be out... 

Our missions is to keep you entertained!! More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. A helping hand was written on Wednesday 1st June when I was in Amsterdam in bed with a bit of a fever! I hope it makes sense! It should do - I returned to work on it again between the 6th and the 9th of June 2016 - just before it was posted.

LENDING A HELPING HAND...

Sarah had seen something was wrong from the moment he'd walked in...
He looked so distracted and unhappy - unlike the first time...
Of course, hundreds of people entered her cafe every day - 

But what made him different was that she'd found him attractive...
That didn't happen half as many times as one might think it would...
It was at least six months since she'd connected with anyone like this...

He'd been there before a couple of days ago;
Back then he'd been with a small group of friends -

Mark was the name that they'd used and which he'd responded to...

He'd made her laugh when she'd taken their order.

But that second day he'd been alone and disengaged...

He'd made no small-talk and there was only brief eye contact...

Sarah wondered what was up - she needed to know...
The cafe was not long from closing for the day when the police arrived...

Her colleague, Anna, was out front and was talking to them from the step...

The man, Mark, had noticed the police too and looked agitated.

There was no time to think this over, so she approached him immediately.

"If you need a way out then you can hide in our kitchen -
There's no back door, but you can wait there as long as you like,
Be quick though - hurry - before the police come to speak with me..."

The man had nodded and then slipped down the back-stairs...

"Thank you..." was all he could manage, but it felt genuine.

"Don't think this means you won't have to pay your bill..."
Sarah teased, unheard and then returned to the cash-till.

Eventually she did speak to the Police - Anna had said very little.
Her café was clearly just one of many places that Mark had visited -
So many people pass through here - she had explained,
There was very little to say and the Police seemed to accept that...
"I have not seen this man..." she had said and that was that.
They had seen that he wasn't at a table and soon they had departed. 

Sarah never did ask what had caused him to be so nervous of the Police.

It was better not to know, she reasoned - it was his business...
She never saw anything in the papers - so what exactly HAD occurred?

That night, Mark slept with her - he seemed distracted but she didn't care.
After that, for a while he even worked in the kitchens at the café...

One morning she had found him on his mobile talking excitedly to someone;

There was no doubting that he'd learnt some good news...
Whatever it was that the Police had wanted him for had faded away...
Perhaps whatever he thought he'd done had resolved itself...
He'd been forgiven - his friends were looking for him again...
Sure enough, without a word of explanation, the next day he was gone...

She feared the worst; it had upset her, there was no denying it...

Sarah had begun to like him - in fact she had intended to keep him;
She blamed herself - had known Mark wouldn't stay after that phone call...
Secretly she had hoped that he would stay or would promise to return...
The others had been different; too needy and she had grown tired of them...
It was a hard job - there was always so much to clean and cover-up after...
Still, it was usually worth it... She had felt differently about Mark though...
She had begun to share her honest self with him - now she just felt used...

No, this wasn't the first time Sarah had lent a helping hand...

But it was the only time that those she'd helped had been allowed to leave...

Little was Mark to know how close he had come to a permanent residence...
Down below the café - deep below the cellar floor...
Nor was he to know that in another six months somebody else -
Some other lone traveller would pay for his freedom...
This wasn't the first time Sarah had lent a helping hand -
And it wouldn't be the last...

All contents of this post are Copyright, Paul Chandler 2016.