YETI HUNT U.S.A., LILLE AND NEW "JUNK/FOOD"!!

Hi,

Not a long post this week - I'm heading off to Lille this weekend to film some more videos; well - at least I hope I am. With a bit of luck I'll end up with enough footage for at least one episode! Maybe two!! Hopefully a second one will be from either Brugge or Ghent; depending where I'm able to get to on my day out on the Saturday. They'll be a lot more about the trip, next week and over the next few months - although it may not see the light of day until nearer Christmas.

Talking of videos, a new one was published just last weekend... I've been having a lot of problems with editing, lately - although I'm not completely sure where the problem lies. You'll remember that I had a lot of difficulty with the episodes that I film in The Isle of Wight, necessitating me to post more frequent yet shorter episodes. The new series is called YETI HUNT U.S.A. and will probably be my longest yet - the first 4 or 5 episodes (depending on how many episodes the footage stretches to!) were filmed during my summer trip to L.A. and Portland, with a further possible three to be filmed when I return there in November.

The first episode: L.A. AWAY-HAY! is already up at the following link... Here's the details...

YETI HUNT U.S.A. - PART ONE

L.A. AWAY-HAY! is the first episode of a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION series - YETI HUNT U.S.A., which returns us to the U.S.A. on the hunt for Shy Yeti's yeti relatives... We begin our hunt in L.A. once again - but we will be moving to a few other locations during this series. At time of posting I'm not sure how long this series will run for - several episodes were recorded back in August 2011 - with further ones still yet to be filmed during November 2011... We'll just have to see how the hunt pans out! Along with the usual daftness, this episode features some rather nice scenery - not to mention two poems - COMING INTO LAND - a piece that was read at The Cobalt Cafe during the trip and another - ARE WE THERE, YETI!? from a forthcoming collection. Both are pretty new pieces... This episode also stars my faithful sidekick Dominic McCauley who also helped me film the episode. Music is by Luca. This film is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2011.

Youtube link: http://youtu.be/EvSxLBsGYFo

Vimeo link: http://vimeo.com/30746679

BREAKING NEWS!!!

As of yesterday Part 2 is also now edited; I had a lot of trouble with both episodes; but it would appear that it may just have been a case of too many fancy fades and transitions between shots! Here are the details - with the way things are currently going, expect PART 3 next week!

YETI HUNT U.S.A. - PART TWO

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF YETI is the second episode of a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION series - YETI HUNT U.S.A... Along with the usual daftness, this episode features some rather nice scenery - not to mention a new yeti dance and an old poem called PIE CRIMES. It co-stars Dominic McCauley who also helped me film the episode. Music is by Luca. This film is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2011.

Youtube link: http://youtu.be/_29LIt0C0KQ

Vimeo link: To follow next Tuesday

What I'm really here to announce is the release of the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD. I could have waited until next week to launch it - but I've received my finished copies and very good they look too! If you end up owning a copy I hope you enjoy it!

JUNK/FOOD

96 Pages, Hbk & Pbk Eds., Black & White contents, Colour Cover, Published: October 20th 2011

Published in late 2001, JUNK/FOOD was Paul’s first self-published collection. Long before he became Shy Yeti he was just plain Paul – but what hasn’t changed is that even then he was writing daft verse. Until now JUNK/FOOD has only been available alongside its sister collection ROLLERCOASTER (re-issued during 2012) so this is the first time it has stood on its ownsome. This version is a special 10th anniversary edition containing photos, updated information and all sorts about how the book came to be written. JUNK/FOOD contains a number of poems that Paul still performs today such as THE TRUE LIGHT, THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR, READY-TEDDY-GO and DISCO – but many that he never has! If you want to know how all this yeti poetting business first began - then this is the book for you!!!

Pbk edition: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/junkfood/17806868 £5.99

Hbk edition: http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/junkfood/17807233 £9.99

That's it for now!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Here's a little something from JUNK/FOOD to end on...

BALLAD OF AN ALRIGHT BLOKE…


There’s one thing I hate, there’s one thing that peeves,
It’s talking to people, whose memory deceives.
Talking to people who say that back then,
Things were much better – let’s do it again...
I JUST wish they’d stop it!
I do wish they’d quit!
‘Cos what they are saying is nothing but –
…A BIT ANNOYING REALLY!!!

Oh! I wish I could say it, I wish I could shout,
But being polite is what I’m about...
I try to get angry - I try to get cross,
‘Bout the state of the world or the size of Kate Moss!
But I’m too TOO mild mannered,
I’m too nice a guy –
To face up to bigots - to spit in their eye!
I cannot face anger - I cannot face strife!
There are sillier things I can do with my life!

I'd rather be dancing - dressed up as a sheep!
I’d rather go jogging - at night - in my sleep!
I’d rather sing sonnets - make up every word!
I’d rather do something completely absurd!
But I don’t do these things - because people might say,
“What’s up with him? Is he feeling okay?”
I don’t go out boozing - don’t smoke hard or curse,
I’m ordinary - average - AND getting worse!
Perhaps you will judge me - for lacking the gall,
To stray from my routine - I don’t change at all!
But perhaps if I try hard - perhaps I CAN change,
I must try something new - something diff’rent or strange!
I’ll cut all my hair off - or wear spiky shoes,
I’ll impregnate princesses – or I’ll make headline news!
I mean it I tell you - this isn’t a joke...
No more Mister nice guy - the all round top bloke...

JUST WAIT ‘TIL YOU SEE ME - JUST WAIT ‘TIL I’M NEAR...
IT’S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES THAT YOU’VE GOT TO FEAR!

BALLAD OF AN ALRIGHT BLOKE was written in September 2000 before I decided to start writing poetry on a more regular basis. It was included in my first collection JUNK/FOOD which contains many poems that I wrote between early 1992 and late 2001. It is available in a special 10th anniversary edition, in paperback, hardback and download from http://www.lulu.com/ NOW!!!

BALLAD OF AN ALRIGHT BLOKE and all contents of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

FIVE NEW VIDEOS AND A TRIP TO RADIO WEY!!

Hi,

This week I have news about a couple of things in the yeti world; one concerns my trip to Radio Wey on Saturday 8th October and the other is that there are five new videos on Youtube and Vimeo for your delectation. I think we'll start with those...

The reason that there are five videos is that 4 of them are very short and are what would have been my SHY YETI ON LOCATION - ISLE OF YETI episode which I recorded on The Isle of Wight between the 11th and 12th August, this year. I've been having a lot of problem with the footage/Windows Movie Maker - I'm not sure which was the problem exactly; but anyway - the only way I could get any of the footage to you was by making the films very short. Basically, there are two 100-word stories, a poem and a yeti dance. The last video is of my trip to Radio Wey - more of which later. Let's start with the short videos; as it is I rather like that I am able to have a few 1 and 2 minute videos on my profile - in a way I hope that they might be more of an encouraging prospect to those who have never watched my films and might be put off by a ten minute episode...

The first video is called TOO LATE...

TOO LATE is a short story written by me, Paul Chandler - sometimes known as Shy Yeti, way back in 1994. It was recorded in August 2011 on The Isle Of Wight and was meant for inclusion in a rather more scenic episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION which I've had a lot of trouble editing so far this autumn. In the end I have decided to release it - and some of the other footage separately... It's from my recent collection THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, which contains poems and a number of 100-word stories; including this one. It's available from www.lulu.com. This film is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2011. This video is only 59 seconds long and can be viewed at the following links:

YOUTUBE:  http://youtu.be/hIU13E7FEHk
VIMEO:       http://vimeo.com/30245703

The second video is called A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS...

A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS is a poem from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, filmed on The Isle of Wight during August 2011. The video is 2 minutes and 3 seconds long and can be viewed at the following links:

YOUTUBE: http://youtu.be/NYtqZxPIZT0
VIMEO:      http://vimeo.com/30246294

The third video is called SOMETHING TO CHEW ON...

SOMETHING TO CHEW ON is a short story from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, filmed on The Isle of Wight during August 2011. The video is 1 minute, 4 seconds long and can be viewed at the following links:

YOUTUBE:  http://youtu.be/2MIarAInew0
VIMEO:       http://vimeo.com/30248301

The fourth video is called YETI DANCE-A-GO-GO...

YETI DANCE-A-GO-GO is the yeti dance that was recorded in the Isle of Wight - intended for inclusion in the original ISLE OF YETI. It also includes a little bit about the history of yeti on this particular island. All of the previous videos in this series were filmed by myself, but this one includes music by Luca and camerawork by Calum Williamson. I am capable of filming my own yeti dances - it's been done before - but it helps to have somebody there to hold the camera. The video comes to 2 minutes and 3 seconds and can be viewed at the following links:

YOUTUBE:  http://youtu.be/aslAgjpTo_c
VIMEO:       http://vimeo.com/30252158

Next up! My recent return to RADIO WEY on Saturday 8th October. It was my 4th visit, if my memory is correct - my first since November 2008 and it's almost ten years since my first visit back in November 2001.

Whilst there I read 4 pieces - most of them familiar to readers from my shows; the three poems appearing in my SHY YETI RULES OK collection from 2009 and the short story from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE.

The poems were: DISCO YETI, THE TRUE LIGHT and LITTLE PIG (read last of all to end on a humorous note!) and the story was THE NEXT TRAIN DOES NOT STOP AT THIS STATION. THE TRUE LIGHT, of course - was fresh from celebrating its 10th anniversary! The theme on the night was initially Harry Potter but moved onto writing and self-publishing. I also read a few poems (one a famous war poem from world war one) and a couple that readers themselves had written. It all went very well and I was lucky enough to be able to video all of my pieces, bar LITTLE PIG.

Here's a bit more about the video - which is already posted on Youtube and Vimeo...

A YETI ON RADIO WEY

This is me on Tim Mitchell's Radio Wey show on the evening of Saturday 8th October 2011, nearly 10 years since my first visit there, We talk a bit about my writing - but I also read my poems, DISCO YETI and THE TRUE LIGHT, as well as a short story from my VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection called THE NEXT TRAIN... I also wear a couple of interesting hats. On the night I also read out some listener's favourite poems and read another piece: LITTLE PIG, but these weren't recorded. The Copyright of this piece belongs to those appearing in it, 2011. The video is 11 minutes, 14 Seconds long.

YOUTUBE:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R9qq7f_j6s
VIMEO:       http://vimeo.com/30394327

Well, I think that's about it for now. There are a few photos at the end of this post from my trip to Radio Wey; hopefully I'll be back there in December to read some Christmas poems! Thanks to Tim Mitchell once again for inviting me back on his show and for helping take some of these photos too.

Next week I'll be telling you more about my trip to Lille and some news about not just one new book due for publication - but two!! All an exclusive reveal of one of a number of awesome new illustrations that will be appearing in FUNERAL FOR A SHOE...

Enjoy the videos - more from me soon!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

All photos contained are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

A NEW VERSION OF THE TRUE LIGHT!!

Hello,

I won't stay long! But I thought you might be interested to read a new version of THE TRUE LIGHT which I decided to write today... Essentially it's THE TRUE LIGHT - the prose version!

I hope you enjoy it, anyway!

More next week - when I should be able to report on how reading on Radio Wey went and I should finally be able to announce the release of a new Youtube/Vimeo film set on The Isle of Wight.

That's all for now! Enjoy!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


THE TRUE LIGHT


(ALTERNATIVE PROSE VERSION)


“I promise you, sincerely… Darling, you have to believe me...” he pleaded.
She wasn't convinced, but listened all the same.
“I'm a changed person…” he insisted. “I've realised how stupid I am… “
“You've seen the light, I take it!?”
“Yes… Yes, darling… That's exactly it! I have… You and I together, baby…”
“You expect a lot of me…”
“I do – and I know that, but with your help we can get through this!”
“Stop begging… It's very unbecoming in a man of your age…” she said.
“I’m sorry…” he agreed, he was very good at grovelling…
It was one of his strengths and it limited him not to be able to play that card!
“It's just that I no longer feel like I know you any more…”
“But we can get to know one another again… You'll see the new me…”
“Really… Well, I'm sorry – I’m not sure I can cope with all the infidelities…”
“But darling… I did it for you… That mild flirtation with the milkman…”
“It was a little more than that, I’d say! The full civil partnership, I thought!”
“But you do realise that we got a discount on our bill because of that…”
“50p off! Big deal… But what about the paperboy - I found you two in bed...”
“That was another discount, baby - I told you! I was trying to save us money!”
“And the butcher? Was it cheap sausage you were after? What about the baker?”
“He has nice buns – don’t tell me you don’t like his buns, darling…”
“…And the vicar's wife? Don’t tell me… Cheap entry tickets to heaven?”
"Now don’t be so frivolous, I explained that, darling…” he reminded her.
“I do recall that you tried to – but remind me… Mistaken identity, wasn’t it?”
“I hadn't got my glasses on and I mistook her for you…”
“But sweetheart – the vicar’s wife is almost eighty…”
“Please honey… Let's not fight about this, now… Why don't we be friends?”
“You’re not getting a kiss or a cuddle out of me that easily…” she told him.
“But we don’t need to fight like this… Surely… Let me make it up to you!”
“I know you – you think every argument is won with a trip to the bedroom!?”
“I wouldn’t say that…” he replied sadly, but he knew she was right.
“It's your solution to everything, darling!” she said. “It’s your trademark…”
“Am I that predictable?” he enquired, attempting puppy dog eyes.
“I'm afraid you are? And stop doing that with your eyes; it makes you look peculiar!”
“Let me prove you wrong, honey…” he said. “Let me show you I've changed…”
“Because truly, you’ve seen the light… Is that it?"
“I’ll make you see I’m right, darling – if you just give me one more chance…”
She stared at him pityingly, there had been good times once…
But that was a long, long time ago.
“You’re talking complete bollocks…” she replied.
For she knew the score – he wasn't the only one to have truly seen the light...

THE TRUE LIGHT (PROSE VERSION) was written especially to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my poem THE TRUE LIGHT and it appears in the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD which is published in November 2011. All copyrights for this post belong to Paul Chandler, 2011.

IT WAS TEN YEARS AGO TODAY - HAPPY BIRTHDAY "THE TRUE LIGHT!"


I do hope that the rest of my poems don't get upset - some of them are well passed their 10th anniversaries and I never said a word when they did and many others will be reaching their 10th anniversaries any day now. But today, 10 years ago I wrote THE TRUE LIGHT, which has proved to be one of my most enduring poems - at least in terms of how I value it and still like it enough to read it on a regular basis. Its next live performance will be during the middle of next month at my JUNK/FOOD show...

It's also a very important poem, for me, because it's the one that started me off writing poems. I'd written them before when I was at school around 1992; but never as continuously as I would do. Looking back at my first few collections I can see that I was experimenting with the style of poetry I would like to work with - not always successfully, but at least I was trying. The format of prose pieces versus rhyming poetry was established very early on - but as a first attempt I can't help but be proud of THE TRUE LIGHT. It was only even written because a friend of mine was talking about humorous poetry and I happened to comment that I used to write funny verse. I didn't have any to hand as an example, so I came up with THE TRUE LIGHT in about an hour or so after breakfast. I wonder what would have happened if I'd never had that conversation!

Other poems that I still perform from JUNK/FOOD about to celebrate their 10th anniversaries include...

READY, TEDDY, GO - 11th October
HENS AND STAGS - 15th October
BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD - 17th October
OVER YOU - 17th October

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY to them too - and to any others from JUNK/FOOD that I don't perform so often!

Not all poems from JUNK/FOOD are about to hit their tenth anniversary - some are far older - DISCO and THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR hit their 20th anniversaries in March 2012! I do hope the younger and older poems all collected in that book don't squabble - what an awful thought! I'm worried now!

I'm sure most people who read this blog will have read or heard THE TRUE LIGHT, but I include it again here in honour of its 10th anniversary. If you haven't seen it before - or even if you have, I hope you enjoy it!

Should you wish to watch performances of this piece it is available in a number of different forms online:

VIMEO from 2008: http://www.vimeo.com/1346702

YOUTUBE from 2010: http://youtu.be/kNl1-1as0Io

This performance is from the 4th episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION called OUT AND ABOUT WITH SHY YETI, from January 2010.

YOUTUBE - HOLLYWOOD: http://youtu.be/he0CQVgN_RE

This is a live performance from my first trip to THE COBALT CAFE in L.A., in August 2010.

Please note: All YOUTUBE videos are available on VIMEO under similar titles, but the first video is only available on Vimeo...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

THE TRUE LIGHT


I promise you sincerely…
I promise you tonight!
I'm a to-tally changed person!
That I have seen the light!
I'm re-formed, re-paired, in-spired!
Neither trouble, nor a strife…
I beg of you, my darling –
Come and stabilise my life!
Take the shackles off my past, dear!
Let me show you the real me…
I've stopped flirting with the milk man –
Discount yoghurts - 50p!
I'll never bed the paperboy,
Neither butcher, nor the baker…
Nor snog the Vicar's wife again,
For you I did mistake 'er!
I hadn't got my glasses on…
(I know that's no excuse!)
But let's get back together!
Let us stop this mild abuse!!
SO…
CAN we be friends who just cuddle?
CAN we be friends who just kiss?
CAN we be friends who go further?
And share a mutual bliss!?
I've changed! I've changed!
I've changed - I HAVE!!!
I'll make you see I'm right…
I'm a to-tally changed person…
And I've TRULY seen the light!

THE TRUE LIGHT is Copyright Paul Chandler 2001-2011 and appears in many of Paul's collections old and new, as an introduction to his poetry. THE TRUE LIGHT originally appeared in Paul's first collection JUNK/FOOD which is being re-released in a special 10th anniversary edition at the start of November 2011.

COMING UP IN OCTOBER 2011...

1) Finishing touches to FUNERAL FOR A SHOE

Well, I'm pretty much all done for this collection now - but just awaiting the crowning glory; some illustrations that have been especially commission for the book. It depends how quickly those are completed as to whether I realise it in November when the JUNK/FOOD 10th anniversary book is launched or whether I leave it until January next year; but either way I intend to read a few of the pieces at my JUNK/FOOD show on Friday 18th November.

2) Hospital Radio

At time of writing I'm due back on Radio Wey a week tomorrow... Hopefully I'll get a chance to read some of my newer poems and some of my 100 word tales; although I'll have to make sure I don't scare people! Well, not too much, anyway...

3) Posting of next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video...

I've been having a lot fo problems with my editing of late. There was a hiccup back in May when I was editing the first episode of A YETI IN PARIS, but the troubles that I've been having with my A YETI ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT video (now currently entitled ISLE OF YETI) has far exceeded that! The first edit was corrupted and so I decided this week to work on three "nuggets"-sized episodes, rather than one ten minute episode. These three videos would be roughly the length of your typical pop video. Otherwise it's the same. Each "nugget" would either have a poem or a short story, views of where I travelled and also silliness; whether that be waffle from me or a yeti dance! Unfortuantely I've had trouble editing these two - with only one successfully complete - part 2 of all things; so I can't even post it! At time of writing I have decided to return to the original format by doing a slightly shorter episode (maybe 8 or 9 minutes) with the minimal of special-effects, music, extra footage and will see what happens. It's looking a bit more positive... Hopefully I'll have something to post by this time next week!

4) Filming in Lille and Brugge

I'm off to Lille towards the end of the month for a weekend; there should be enough time for a visit to Brugge too. So hopefully I will return with some footage from both cities that I can release as a full length or "nugget" style episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION. More information on that nearer the time!

5) Work continues of ARE WE THERE, YETI!? and Mouse books - not to mention re-issue of ROLLERCOASTER...

I've already typed more than 50 pieces for the ARE WE THERE, YETI!? book - and there are more that need typing. I am also currently proofing TALES FROM THE MCWHISKERS ARCHIVES, which will be my Mouse book for 2012; not to mention working on the sequel to this year's GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM. I'm up to Chapter 3, but don't expect this one to be ready until 2013. Other than that I'm also working on the re-issues of ROLLERCOASTER, THIRD TIME LUCKY and GO 4TH AND DIVIDE - my 2nd, 3rd and 4th poetry collections, for their tenth anniversary editions. All this and also I've written 4 of the 8 scripts for the first season of my BEAST OF FRIENDS series; the first episode of which is featured in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. I hope to make this project available as a stand-alone book at some stage during 2012.

6) Publishing JUNK/FOOD

The tenth anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD is now pretty much ready to go and should be available from Monday 31st October 2011. It is 96 pages long and contains a lot of new content and is available for the more-than-reasonable price of £5.99.

To finish off with I am posting something from my next collection FUNERAL FOR A SHOE... This time I have chosen a piece called STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM; which is all about how it sometimes better to be a little more chunky in shape!

I hope you enjoy it; there will be more soon!

Yeti hugs - take care...

Paul xx

STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM



On that fateful afternoon the Summer storm suddenly grew into a tornado – for the first time in my life I was glad of my stout legs. I’d spent all Spring staring at them sadly in the mirror and wishing that they were different; dreaming about how nice it would be to have the long, slim legs of a catwalk model – or professional tennis player. In reality I have the tree trunk thighs and bandy ankles of a woolly mammoth – grizzly bear or diplodocus... All I wanted was what I considered to be nice legs – legs that I could show off; that I could parade around town displayed in brightly coloured shorts; maybe with some kind of tan.

But then the storm came and – boy, did it come... All the skinny ladies and the fitness obsessed gentlemen with the good legs were rendered useless in such an emergency; six-packs, salon-fresh hair and botox smiles couldn’t save them. There I sat – immovable – just watching as their legs snapped like brittle twigs; broken in two by the tornado – as they battled in vain against the winds. Their legs simply couldn’t hold them and they blew away across the trees like feathers and were very quickly gone – no doubt their remains were later eaten by sturdy legged rats once they emerged from their safe havens underground...

My legs, however, stood firm and not only that – my belly also helped too and ensured that I was not sucked from my home and out through the front door...

I remained safe – I would not budge – not even a tornado could make me...

Since that dreadful summer storm it is just us flabby-arsed fatties that are left...

But how thankful I am now for my chunky, hunky, big, stout life-saving legs...

There really was nothing wrong with them after all…


STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM appears in Paul Chandler's new collection FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, due out in late 2011, early 2012. Date to be confirmed. Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

COMING SOON...
JUNK/FOOD TENTH ANNIVERSARY!!

Hello again!!

I've decided to try and make Friday my regular day for posting something on the blog; aside for any other special occasions that might occur throughout the year. This week I'm going to mention my JUNK/FOOD re-issue; although only briefly! It's due out on the 1st November 2011 and I should be reading from it during my Poetry Cafe show on Friday 18th November 2011, along with stuff from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, FUNERAL FOR A SHOE and ARE WE THERE, YETI? JUNK/FOOD is a bit of a mixed bag - including poems that I wrote back in 1992, a couple from the later 90s - but with the majority of them from autumn 2001. This is the first time that the book has been available as a separate entity on http://www.lulu.com/ - it was previously available as a budget compilation with my second collection, ROLLERCOASTER, which is due to be re-issued in 2012. JUNK/FOOD began it's life as a self-published, hand-bound edition in late 2001 - but this edition includes new photos and commentary not available in the original edition. It's 96 pages long and will probably be about £5.99, but this is to be confirmed.

This post I intend to include one of the poems from JUNK/FOOD - I SHOULD NEVER, which I still perform to this day. I am also including the behind the scenes thoughts on it - from 2001 and more recently; ten years on.

That's all for now - there's lots more to be said, but I'll leave that to next time.

One thing I can reveal is that October should see my return to Hospital Radio after nearly 3 years!

More soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

I SHOULD NEVER - BEHIND THE SCENES 

I SHOULD NEVER…


2001: What I wrote then…

This one is from 1999 or thereabouts and one that made me smile when I first wrote it - especially the bits about the toupee and the snake! Here I found a situation where the rhymes just came together deliciously easily! This poem changed shape from fat to thin during the revision process! Oh dear – you probably shouldn’t ask!

2011: Looking back now…

This is another piece that I continue to perform to this day and one of the earliest poems that appears in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation from 2009. It’s a very silly piece indeed – but one that I still enjoy performing whenever I get the chance.


I SHOULD NEVER…


This is just a quick message
From me to say ta,
For dumping me last night –
And kicking me car.
Perhaps I deserved it –
Perhaps I was wrong,
I should never have said –
That your B.O. was strong.
I should never have said –
That your hairdo was mingin’,
Or laughed quite that hard –
When you went out folk singin’...


I should never have giggled –
And described you as fat,
Or wobbled your chins –
Or trod on your cat.
I should never have said –
That your parents were mental,
Or head-butted your granny –
No, I should have been gentle!
I should never have bought you –
That tropical snake,
That ate your Dad’s toupee –
AND HEAD –
By mistake...


I have to face facts now –
These things what I done,
Caused you to leave me –
And spoilt all our fun...
I’ve been told, “Oh my dear…
Now you’re going to miss ‘er...”
But I found myself saying,
“She’s a terrible kisser...”
I shouldn’t have said it –
Yes - I am bitter it’s true...
'Cos you’ve left…
…a great dent in my car from your shoe...


I SHOULD NEVER... is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011 and appears in his tenth anniversary re-issue of his first collection JUNK/FOOD, which is due out at the start of November 2011.

A NEW COVER, SOME NEWS AND YETI RATINGS!!

Hi,

First up; what do you think of the cover? It's near enough what I'm hoping will be the front cover of FUNERAL FOR A SHOE... I am currently very busy with the final proofing work of this book and in my next post I may well tell you about the illustrator that I've been working with during this project... But it's all rather top secret at the moment! Anyway, enough about that for now...
Next I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news...

I was hoping to launch A YETI ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT this week - which contains a poem and two stories from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection; but unfortunately the project has become corrupted and I'm going to have to start again next week. Never fear! The footage still exists and is fine - it was just the copy that I was working on, editing etc. that has the problems. I also have a the first few episode of YETI HUNT U.S.A. to edit, a VAMPIRE COWS special and another episode of bits and pieces to work on over the Winter. All this and possibly futher episodes from the States - and two European cities!! I really do need to get my editing skates on... No more glitches please, Windows Movies Maker - or else!!

Anyway - onto other things! I've not done an update on my Youtube and Vimeo films for a while; it's probably only of interest to me, but here we go...

I'm glad to say that since I last studied the ratings back in mid-May the ratings on Vimeo have been improving! This is very good to learn; because love them or hate them they do take me a very long time to put together and of late I've been having trouble with the software - so they're taking even longer! SUTTON PARK continues to do well with all 7 completed episodes in the Top 20. There will be more episodes soon - a number are already in the can and it's the 20th anniversary coming up next year! The Hollywood episodes are suddenly starting to make a dent in the top 20 - as are some of my earlier episodes that have been around for over 18 months now. It's also pleasing to see one or two of this year's films already in the Top 20.

Oh boy, you can tell I still check the UK Top 40 every Sunday, can't you?

Anyway... Go on! Make a yeti very happy and watch a couple of my films that you've never watched! Watch them all and I'll take you out for a coffee and a danish pastry! :)

Enjoy!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

RATINGS FROM YETI VIDEOS – AS OF 15/09/2011



1st SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 1 = 387 views
2nd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 3 = 203 views
3rd SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 2 = 199 views
4th SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET = 185 views
5th BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR = 169 views
6th SHY YETI GOES TO HOLLYWOOD = 166 views
7th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 4 = 151 views
=8th SHY YETI'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL = 139 views
=8th UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE = 139 views
10th I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES... = 133 views
11th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 1 = 131 views
12th OUT AND ABOUT WITH SHY YETI = 128 views
=13th A YETI IN WINTER = 126 views
=13th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION = 126 views
=15th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 6 = 119 views
=15th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 7 = 119 views
17th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 = 114 views
18th SUTTON PARK SW1 - PART 5 = 113 views
19th SHY YETI AT THE COBALT CAFÉ = 109 views
20th SHY'S SNOW SPECTACULAR = 107 views
21st SHY YETI ON LOCATION IN DORSET (OUT-TAKES) = 98 views
22nd SHY YETI TALKS = 97 views
23rd YETI SPAGHETTI = 96 views
24th SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/2010 (2) = 89 views
25th SHY YETI OUT IN THE COUNTRY = 78 views
26th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 4 = 74 views
27th A PERFECT MATCH = 72 views
28th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE = 70 views
29th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 2 = 69 views
=30th A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD – PART 3 = 67 views
=30th SHY YETI IN A SECRET LOCATION (OUT-TAKES) = 67 views
32nd LITTLE PIG = 63 views
33rd YETI SPAGHETTI (OUT-TAKES) = 62 views
=34th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 2 = 61 views
=34th SUTTON PARK – PART 8 (1 OF 2) = 61 views
=36th MY MOMENT IS NOW = 58 views
=36th PICCADILLY CIRCUS = 58 views
38th SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN – PART 1 = 54 views
39th SHY YETI LIVE – 02/04/2011 = 53 views
40th A YETI IN PARIS = 50 views
41st THEY WARNED ME... = 47 views
42nd AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI – AND OTHER ANIMALS = 42 views
43rd ANOTHER EVENING WITH SHY YETI… = 38 views
44th MY DOG IN A DRESS = 37 views
45th THINGS AIN'T... = 34 views
=46th A YETI IN PARIS – PART 2 = 33 views
=46th SHY YETI BACK AT THE COBALT CAFE = 33 views
=46th SHY YETI LIVE - 18/11/2008 = 33 views
49th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 1 = 32 views
=50th THE TRUE LIGHT = 29 views
=50th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE CHRISTMAS – PART 2 = 29 views
52nd CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND = 28 views
53rd GOOD HUG = 25 views
54th DAREDEVIL = 24 views
55th THE SORRY TALE... = 23 views
=56th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 3 = 22 views
=56th RECKLESSLY = 22 views
=58th THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE CHRISTMAS – PART 1 = 21 views
=58th A VOICE IN HIS HEAD = 21 views
=60th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – LIVE REVIVED = 19 views
=60th SHY YETI LIVE – 22/11/2010 – PART 2 = 19 views

Please note: All videos can be found on my SHYYETI Vimeo profile and all videos from 2010 onwards on my MRSHYYETI Youtube profile.

A PREVIEW OF 2012... ARE WE THERE, YETI?

Hello,

How are you? Feeling poetic? I do hope so!

I was hoping to be announcing that my next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video would be ready this week, but it looks as if it will be delayed until next week now! I can promise you it's nearly done - it's just that I had the bright idea of adding a quick trailer for the USA series - due soon - and, of course, that has taken some time to put together! I'm away this weekend - but once I'm back I promise to get it done.

What I can announce, however - is that not only have I put some more poems on my Soundcloud site, but I have also started a TUMBLR account. It's all new to me - and I'm not sure what it can provide that isn't already provided by this blog or by FACEBOOK and TWITTER; but I'll give it a go.

If you want to check it out then the link is: http://shyyeti.tumblr.com/

Finally today - I want to share with you a new poem that I wrote this week in response to the chucklesome yeti poem that my friend and poetic colleague, John Smallshaw wrote in my honour this week. Well, I was honoured, indeed! John is a man who, like me - like to rhyme and so my response is a piece called JOHN, I'M ONLY RHYMING - a cheeky rewording of the old David Bowie track. I've covered this ground before briefly in my piece THEY DON'T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A. from my VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE book earlier this year - but this has allowed me to write on this subject a little more. It's really just a little grumble about how rhyming poetry seems to be frowned on in some quarters - usually within the poetry or academic community; whereas "the man on the street" still seems to appreciate it. Surely there is room for rhyme and free-verse!?! I don't see the problem myself. It just smacks of snobbery - but I have met that reaction over the years.

Anyway - this piece is too new to appear in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection that I hope to complete by the end of the year and instead will be included in 2012s ARE WE THERE, YETI? As for this collection I can confirm that I have already written almost 50 pieces for this book - a mixture of short stories, poetry, vignettes and one or two pieces rescued from the Yeti archive. I also have some exciting news about some artwork that I have commissioned for both books - the results are brilliant; but I'm not saying any more for the moment!!

Anyway - enjoy the new poem and check out John Smallshaw's work on: http://www.johnsmallshaw.com/

Bye for now!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

JOHN, I’M ONLY RHYMING…



John, I’m only rhyming;
I can hear some people tut…
They don’t want our twisted lyrics!
I think they’re going off their nut!
Why do they have to be so boring?
Who says it’s them that sets the rules?
It’s like they’re our poetry headmasters –
And we’re enrolled within their schools!
I’m not averse to ditching rhythms –
If what I’m writing doesn’t fit…
They’re all so stuck in their own ways –
I think they must have shares in Pritt!
Oh, John – I’m only rhyming…
And now I don’t mean to impose –
But ain’t it best to be free-thinking?
And just write down whatever flows?


John, I’m only rhyming!
Well, I see it as a gift!
Whilst some other people grumble –
I really think they’re pretty miffed!
I cannot fathom why they worry –
Why they make their weak protest!
Do they really think they’re better?
Do they really think they’re blessed?
That’s the sort of attitude that makes –
Folk think we’re high and mighty!
We want them reading us at breakfast –
Over croissants in their nighties!
Oh John – I’m only rhyming…
Yes, we should start our own campaign!
Let us STAND UP for the rhymers!
We’re really gotta make it plain!


John, I’m only rhyming!
Am I not a proper poet?
Do I have to be pretentious?
Have I failed? Heck! Did I blow it?
Do I really have to mean it?
Do I need to get more tougher?
Do I have to fight the good fight?
Do I really have to suffer?
Yes, the most eccentric stanzas –
Into poems should be smuggled!
I simply want to play with words;
The English language should be juggled!
Oh, John – I’m only rhyming!
Don’t you agree – it’s quite beguiling!
I only want to make ‘em chuckle –
I simply want to keep folk smiling!


John, I’m only rhyming…
And it’s what I’ll keep on doing!
Oh, let the academics scowl –
Oh, let them say we’ve gone to ruin!
Yes, let them claim we’re an abhorrence –
Let them give us a bad name…
Why would we ever want be like them?
Why would we want to be the same?
They’re like the bullies in the schoolyard;
Well, let them bugger off – go hang!
And we will do just as we please;
Yes, form some crazy rhymers gang!
Oh John – I’m only rhyming…
Let’s flaunt our lyrical defiance!
And keep on doing as we do –
You know, it’s hardly rocket science!

JOHN, I'M ONLY RHYMING is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011 and will eventually appear in Paul's Summer 2012 collection ARE WE THERE, YETI? published by Beeches Books on http://www.lulu.com/

EXCITEMENT AND MAYHEM AT A FUNERAL FOR A SHOE...

Hello!

There's quite a lot going on at the moment; I've been busily writing short stories and poems for my next-NEXT book ARE WE THERE, YETI?, whilst putting the finishing touches to my official next collection: FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. I'm not quite sure when FUNERAL will be out - either late this year or I may hold it back until January 2012; especially as the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD is due in November. I've also been busy working on new SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos - the first of which, set in the Isle of Wight, should be posted next week. Then I'll move onto the series I filmed in the States back in late July and early August.

Anyway - the main reason for this post is to list all the titles that will be included in FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. I promise to post one or two more pieces from it over the next month or so - once the VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE "campaign" is officially finished... I still have a video to edit which is all about that book! Eeeek Returning to FUNERAL I can reveal exclusively that there are far more prose pieces and stories in this book than poems. Oh yes, indeed! So, here are the titles...

ADOLESCENT CATS
ALL GONE
ALTERNATIVE ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLE
AN ACTOR’S LIFE
ANIMATING THE INANIMATE
ANOTHER ICON BITES THE DUST
AUNTIE ASTRID’S ANGST ARENA
BAD LUCK, SCARY!
THE BEAST OF FRIENDS...
BRAINS!!!
THE BUSKER
CATTY...
CLINGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE
COMING OUT…
A DANGEROUS CRAVING FOR INNOCENCE
DEATH OF A GIRL BAND
DODGING THE ASSASSIN’S BULLET
A DOG’S LIFE ON PRIMROSE HILL
DONE AND DUSTED
ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL FOR A SHOE – PART 1 to 5
THE END OF THE QUEUE
EXCHANGE TRIP
THE FACE
FLIRTING WITH A COPYCAT
FREE COFFEE
FROM ARGUMENT TO ORNAMENT
GOING OUT WITH A BANG!!!
A GOOD MURDER NEEDS PREPARATION
HAIR-RAISER!!!
HAPPY FOR THEM
HELL TOUPEE
HOT (FOR JUST ONE NIGHT)
THE HUNTRESS
I’M A STOOGE FOR YOUR LOVE
THE IMPOSTER
THE INEFFECTUAL ASSASSIN
INTERNATIONAL SQUID RESCUE
KARMA
KEEP IN TOUCH!
LOST INSIDE
LOVE-GO-ROUND
MARIA AND THE CAFÉ GIRLS...
MEMORY LOSS
THE MIND OF A CAT
A MOST BORING MAN
“MOTHER, MEET PARIS…”
MORE FROM AUNTIE ASTRID
MY HOT DATE WITH A GOOD BOOK
MY LAST WORDS
MY OWN COMPANY
A NEEDY VICTIM
THE NEW LION
NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE
ON THE COVER OF A (MUCKY) MAGAZINE
THE OPTICIAN’S DAUGHTER
PART OF THE FURNITURE
PAWS FOR THOUGHT
PEACE OF MIND IN A TEA BAG
A PERFECT MATCH
pSYCHOKILLERS sTILL hAVE fEELINGS
A QUESTION OF EYELASHES
A REFORMED CHARACTER
REST IN PEACE, PET
SCEPTIC
SEVEN TWENTY A.M., HUNGOVER
THE SMELL OF WET DOG ON THE BUS
A SOUVENIR OF THE TRIP
A SPECIAL KIND OF FAME
A SPIDER SPIED HER
A STAND AGAINST WORLD HUNGER
STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM
“SUCH A GOOD BOY...”
SUMMER SKIES
THEIR PAIN – MY PLEASURE
THEM VAMPIRES – SUCH CHARMERS…
“TICKETS PLEASE!”
TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS...
TWENTY FIVE YEARS LATER...
UNEARTHING THE PAST
WHY DO CUCKOOS SPIT?
WHY DO SPACEMEN ALL HAVE SUCH STUPID NAMES?
YOU CANNOT MAKE PARIS LOOK BORING
YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING
YOUR FINAL GIRL

Some of the pieces such as DEATH OF A GIRLBAND, FREE COFFEE, A PERFECT MATCH, "MOTHER MEET PARIS..." and LOVE-GO-ROUND have already made their debuts, either at shows or in my videos - or both.

That's about it for now - more about the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video next week, hopefully!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

A HAPPY RETURN TO THE COBALT CAFE - TUESDAY 2ND AUGUST 2011

Some of you may know - some of you may not, that I have just returned from two highly enjoyable weeks back in the States. I was over there for a couple of weeks - exploring more of L.A. with Mr Dominic McCauley (the John Steed to my Emma Peel) and also paying a trip to Portland, Oregon http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portland,_Oregon along the way.  Not only did I manage to write a couple of poems and a good few stories - but I also managed to film 2 or 3 new episodes of SHY YETI ON LOCATION, the first of these will hopefully be edited before the end of the month. I am currently at the proofreading stage of my next collection FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, but the stories that I have been writing since late July will appear in the collection after this, which is entitled ARE WE THERE, YETI? and will focus quite heavily on my summer trip and my return trip to L.A. in November. But more of that in future posts...

In addition to all this activity I was also invited to be the visiting poet for the night at The Cobalt Cafe in Los Angeles (Canoga Park, CA to be precise!), on my return from Portland, as you can see from the nifty poster below...

Some of you may remember that I read open-mike at the Cobalt Cafe last summer - for those who don't, but who are interested, I posted a video from my 2010 visit on youtube last year at: http://youtu.be/he0CQVgN_RE

Not to forget my SHY YETI IN HOLLYWOOD episode which includes an additional poem from that night: http://youtu.be/07Ay2pMvE4k

Returning to the here and now, it was a wonderful privilege to be invited to be The Cobalt Cafe's featured poet on the 2nd August. This slot allows more than double the time given to those reading open-mike and so I was able to read more of a mix of rhyme and prose during my twenty minutes.

For those of you who are interested I read the following poems - all making their U.S. live debuts here, although a couple of them have been recorded on location for previous SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes... Anyway, these are the ones performed on the night.

DISCO YETI
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS
PICCADILLY CIRCUS
LAS VEGAS LIPS
COMING INTO LAND
GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED
TAKEN
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR
IF SHAKESPEARE WERE AROUND TODAY
WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40!)

In a little more detail...

DISCO YETI

This piece dates from 2007 and is included in my RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR collection as well as 2009s SHY YETI RULES OK compilation. It's one of those pieces that I often read first as I usually read one that name-checks a yeti at the start of my shows.

THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS

One of my newest pieces - completed in mid-June 2011 and due for inclusion in my next book FUNERAL FOR A SHOE which I hope to be ready by late January 2012. It seems to be one that people like, having received a good reaction during our AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS) show back in June. It also appears in the video A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1 http://youtu.be/VJIoPk5WFeU

PICCADILLY CIRCUS

This is a quite early piece from 2002, originally from my ROLLERCOASTER collection - but also compiled in 2009s SHY YETI RULES OK book. I haven't read it a great deal lately - but it seemed to fit well as this was one of my poems from the night that I read to show my British roots!

LAS VEGAS LIPS

This seemed an obvious piece to read as it namechecks a U.S. city not so very far from Los Angeles. In fact I made a video for it having made my 3rd visit to Las Vegas back in December 2010. You can watch it in the SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode - A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD - PART 2 at:http://youtu.be/fF4OlsOeqTY  It can be found in my SHY YETI RULES OK (2009), but was originally included in POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL from 2006.

COMING INTO LAND

This is a piece that I began writing in 2010 during my first trip to L.A., although it wasn't completed until 2011 and was included in my recent THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection. As I didn't have enough spare copies of this book ready to sell it was my YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS collection, from earlier in the year, that I ended up promoting on the night. I introduced this piece as being the first of two poems about long distance relationships.

GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED

This was the 2nd of the two long-distance relationship poems that I read on the night. This is from 2010s YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS and I previously read it in Topanga Canyon in December 2010, during my second video - for inclusion in Part 2 of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series. (See link from LAS VEGAS LIPS above...)

TAKEN

This piece was originally from my THIRD TIME LUCKY collection from 2002, but was also revived for inclusion in SHY YETI RULES OK in 2009. It is not a piece that I have read very often - if at all, I'm not too sure now! My poor yeti memory! This is why I have to do such indepth blogs and fact-files in my books, as I'll never remember in 6 months time! TAKEN was one of my more prose-y pieces that I chose to read on the evening to (hopefully) show the range of my work.

THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR

This was the earliest piece that I read on the night - from my first collection JUNK/FOOD from 2001, although the actual poem itself was written back in 1992. It is also included in my SHY YETI RULES OK collection (2009).

IF SHAKESPEARE WERE AROUND TODAY

This is a another piece from my recent THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE from July 2011 and it made only it's second live performance here, having been debuted as my Poetry Cafe show back in March 2011. I chose it partly because it namechecked a great British icon - and partly because it also attempts to take the mickey out of the aforementioned icon; although I still maintain that this is exactly the way that Shakespeare would be treated if he showed up today!

WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40!)

The last piece read on the evening was from my IF POEMS WERE PIES collection from 2009, although it also appeared in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation from the same year. It is one that I have read towards the end of the night for a while and is my poem of choice to end with if I'm not reading I WILL EAT PIES, which I choose not to on this occasion. It's a bit too weird perhaps for an audience not used to my strange yeti ways! ;)

This was one of the few opportunities that I've had to highlight the range of poems that I have written in the last *almost* 20 years from THE TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR in 1992 to the very recent THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS from June 2011 - and so I was very pleased to be able to do so...

As a matter of completion, here are the other poems that were considered for the night! Yes, I didn't just show up unplanned, you know - Dominic actually timed me earlier in the day and I read a number of these other poems before deciding on the final line-up. Those poems that did not make it at the final hurdle - but which were practiced on the day and considered include: THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD, HOPELESS ROMANTIC, BACK THEN, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU, IF YOU WERE MY WIFE, OPEN-MIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and WE'RE AN ITEM NOW. Finally, others considered and rejected before I left the U.K. include ALL GIVE - NO TAKE, THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY, THE KING OF RHYME, OTHERWISE ENGAGED, YOU - ME AND THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, RECKLESSLY, WAVES, THE CUTEST GUY IN THE BAND, I KNOW HIM, NO-ONE EVER FELT COOL BUYING AN MP3, PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK, RESPECTABLE TEXTS, WAITING FOR GHOSTS and A SWEET TAIL.

I am pleased to announce that there is also a video from the show, SHY YETI - RETURNS TO THE COBALT CAFE!! which has just gone up on Youtube and Vimeo at the following links:

Youtube: http://youtu.be/o_Zm4wgiJSY

Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/27559840

Dominic recorded all 10 of the poems and this particular video contains 7 of the 10 poems that I read on the night and comes to a little under 14 minutes in length. I have kept back the other three poems for inclusion in my new SHY YETI ON LOCATION series YETI HUNT U.S.A.; the first episode of which should be available before the end of the month.

I'd just like to give a big thanks to Rick Lupert for inviting me to read at quite short notice when he heard that I was coming over, to Dominic for recording the poems - to my friends Patrick and Julia for coming along to watch, support and applaud me on the night (not to mention feeding me with an awesome dinner a couple of nights before!) I would also like to thank all those in the audience; some that I spoke with and some that I didn't, for their warm welcome. Thanks especially to those who either bought my "broadsheet" which included my poem A LEARNING EXPERIENCE or my SHY YETI RULES OK or YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS collections, which I brought over with me for the night.

They'll be more from me soon - but I shall let you go and watch the video now... *hint hint* ;)

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

INTRODUCING THE NEW BOOKS - AND A SAMPLE OF SOMETHING VAMPIRIC...

Hi, This post is just an excuse to post a couple of the short stories from the new THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection and to post some of the photos from the little party I had to launch the new books in London on Saturday 2nd July 2011. Thanks to everyone who came along!!

The first story is called THE BROKEN LIFT and the second is called THE CAT NEXT DOOR. I hope you enjoy them both. They're decidedly odd. Yay!

More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx

 

THE BROKEN LIFT

Tina and Martin knew the lift was broken because they’d cancelled the engineer themselves. The brakes screeched painfully as it arrived - but everyone else had already gone home.

Once inside they held hands and chose a floor. Immediately, the lift dropped like a stone, throwing them off their feet as it plummeted towards the basement; closing their eyes they awaited the impact…

Disappointingly it never came. The lift slowed of its own accord; eventually stopping altogether.

“Shame!” sighed Tina as they stood up. “Now what?

“Wanna play on the motorway?” Martin giggled - Tina nodded.

…And so they did.

THE CAT NEXT DOOR

I was drinking tea in the garden when I met my new neighbour’s cat. It was a friendly creature with bright ginger fur and oddly intense eyes – one blue, one green. I’d nothing to feed it, but later I baked a cake and went round to introduce myself to his owners.

Janet and Ernest were both teachers nearing retirement. For a while we chatted about gardening until their son, Nick, arrived home. He was a tall, handsome lad in his teens with wild ginger hair; his eyes – one blue – one green…

“Hello…” Nick grinned mischievously. “I think we met earlier…”

PHOTO GALLERY FROM THE BOOK LAUNCH

In order of appearance. Paul, Gibson, Gibson and Miles, Miles, Harry and Nick.

THE BROKEN LIFT and THE CAT NEXT DOOR and all photos contained within this blog post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011. Both these stories appear in Paul's new collection THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES, available from www.lulu.com - prices vary from £4.99 to £13.99 for various formats.

VAMPIRE COWS AND MICE OF COMMONS!

FINALLY - TWO NEW BOOKS RELEASED!!

Hi! This is just a quick blog to let everyone know that as of Friday 1st July I have two new books alive and kicking and ready for you to read; one of them more relevant to this particular blog than the other - although there are poems and Mouse Of Commonsy cross-overs in both books.

The first of the two books is my THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection, which I have been posting pieces here and performing at shows since earlier this year. Over the next week or two expect another sampler - and I am also currently working on a SHY YETI ON LOCATION video called BEWARE THE VAMPIRE COWS which should be up soon.

Here's some more information about the book...

THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES
304 Pages

Paperback: £8.99

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-vampire-cows-of-scunthorpe/16158464

Hardback: £13.99
http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/the-vampire-cows-of-scunthorpe/16161441

Download: £4.99

http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/the-vampire-cows-of-scunthorpe/16158465

THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE is a collection of over 100 poems and weird vignettes - not to mention all the usual nonsense from Mr Yeti including the 100-word stories: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DIVA, DEAD MEN DON’T YAWN, LAID, LEGGY BLONDE, A ROARING SUCCESS and the poems THE BARD OF BELGRAVIA, L.A. LIZARDS, A LITTLE MOUSE, A MONKEY’S UNCLE, the title piece and many more.

The second book is a the new Mouse Of Commons novel that I've been working on since Summer 2007. I'm am currently working on the sequel to this book, as well as completing a book of short stories written between 2007 and 2008. More information follows...

GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTERCLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM
400 Pages

Paperback: £9.99

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/gladstone-mcwhiskers-and-the-counter-clockwise-conundrum/16123767

Hardback: £14.99
http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/gladstone-mcwhiskers-and-the-counter-clockwise-conundrum/16161476

Download: £4.99
http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/gladstone-mcwhiskers-and-the-counter-clockwise-conundrum/16123768

GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM is the latest adventure featuring Gladstone McWhiskers, Mouse of Commons and Lords and his friends Oliver Louse, Shy Yeti, Granny Ernestina and Auntie Astrid. In this full length novel Charlie Grrr and Simon Yeti carry out a few unwise time travel experiments and end up unleashing the wrath of the legendary Bear Babok. Gladstone, Ollie and Astrid get sucked into some kind of time portal and end up in another century altogether. How will they get back and what time anomalies will their presence in the past cause to the future? This book also features a number of Auntie Astrid’s Agony Aunt columns, a photo gallery, a message from Gladstone himself and a short story about a cunning fox named Fleabag. This is the 11th Mouse Of Commons book - but can be read as part of or separately from the series.

Thanks again to everyone who has supported me lately and to all of you who buy either or both of these books; I hope you really enjoy them. Needless to say they've been very much part of my life of late and I'm extremely proud and happy with the finished book. Good 'ole http://www.lulu.com/! ;)

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

ALL KIND OF DAFTNESSES GOING DOWN IN YETI TOWN… ;)

Hi,

Just to keep you up to date with a number of things that have been going on over the last couple of weeks, some of them you may know about - whilst others may be a complete surprise… In which case it might be best that you don't read this until you have taken a seat and made yourself comfortable.

1) SOUNDCLOUD…

I mentioned a few posts back that I had begun to load poems from the albums SHY YETI FINEST HOME-BREWED VERSE (2007) and PIETRY IN MOTION (2008) onto SOUNDCLOUD. Last time I posted there were less than half a dozen; but there are a few more now. As of last week there are now 10 poems on the site - and they are:

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/alternative-lifestyles

MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/my-life-is-a-musical

THE INFATUATION DANCE:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-infatuation-dance

THE ONLY YOU THERE IS:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-only-you-there-is

BELLYBUTTON FLUFF TEA:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/belly-button-fluff-tea

WHAT BEARS DO:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/what-bears-do

ANIMAL CRUELTY:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/animal-cruelty

COLD-HEARTED KITTEN KILLER:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/cold-hearted-kitten-killer

GROOVE:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/groove

ALL GOOD PIES MUST END:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/all-good-pies-must-end

Having used Soundcloud recently also made me think back to when I used BLOGTV quite a bit to publicise my poetry back in 2009. Although my account on that site now appears to have lapsed I really think I'd like to go back to using it again. Also - I've been thinking about doing a new compilation - another smaller one for sale at gigs and the like. It might be nice to include some of the pieces that I've recently posted on Soundcloud that haven't had a lot of exposure before, as well as some of the poems that I posted back in 2008 exclusively on Vimeo; along with some of my recent favourites. Still, what with all the other things that are going on towards of the end of the year with the 10th anniversary of JUNK/FOOD, I guess that will have to wait until 2012.

I've also discussed with Mr McCauley the possibility of me recording a new audio album of more recent poems whilst I am over in L.A. in late July and early August. Whilst I'm over there I also expect to be making my return to THE COBALT CAFE where I have been invited to be their featured reader on Tuesday 2nd August 2011; but more about that nearer the time.

2) ONLINE VIDEOS

I've posted three new videos on both Youtube and Vimeo - here are the details as they appear online...

A PERFECT MATCH

A PERFECT MATCH is a poem (of sorts - more of a sketch!) by Shy Yeti for Wood Green Animal Shelters which is due to make its live debut at The Poetry Cafe on Thursday 16th June 2011. If you would like to donate to this charity you can follow the link: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson/

Filmed, edited and posted single-handedly in less than 24 hours between the 14th and 15th June 2011. A PERFECT MATCH and this film is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/rJqJ5cukaJk
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25155478

AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI AND OTHER ANIMALS

This is a film from the show that we held at The Poetry Cafe on Thursday 16th June 2011 which featured Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti), John Smallshaw and Gary Groves - all of whom appear within! Legendary superstar Wilfredo also appeared but does not feature in this particular video. The show was to raise money for Wood Green Animal Shelters - and to date we have raised over £162; although it is still possible to donate via the following link: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson Thank you to everyone who came to support us on the night, those who donated from afar - to all the performers, to Julie Howell for organising the event, also to Dan Hodges for filming and to Luca for allowing me to use his music.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/elRJeAeKEA8
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25376522

A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1

A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1 is the first of two episodes filmed in late April and early May 2011 in Paris and features Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti) and his faithful side-kick Mr Dominic McCauley as they explore the famous "City of Love"... There is lots of daftness, yeti-dancing and 3 poems - an old one called SHAKEN UP and two recent pieces; DEATH OF A GIRL BAND and THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS from an as-yet unpublished collection. The last poem appears from footage that was recorded during Paul's AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS...) show from Thursday 16th June 2011. Camera by: Paul, Dominic and Dan Hodges (for the gig footage) Music by: Luca. The film and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/VJIoPk5WFeU
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25431824

This is actually the 2nd edit of A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1; the first version had a rather different order - but the finished project appeared to have some kind of glitch and would not transfer and so I started again from scratch on Monday 20th June 2011 and whizzed through this 2nd edit, which I now actually prefer. I had considered making this a 3 part series, but I now think I'll probably just stick to 2 parts - as I have a summer special video in the pipe-line, plus will undoubtedly come back from my L.A. trip with more footage for further American episodes.

Part 2 is currently being assembled and could well be up by next week!

3) THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE - AND OTHER DAFTNESSES

I was hoping that I'd be able to announce that I'd be publishing this collection a week or two earlier - but I am just ironing out one or two little mistakes that I have found in the formatting; that aren't visible on the pdf - but have been exposed when the draft version of the book was printed. Most peculiar. Anyway - I'm hoping that I can get it all sorted this week and that I will be finalising the project this weekend in time for the book launch picnic on Saturday 2nd July 2011.

Watch this space!!

That's about it for now,

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx