MISTER YETI ON HIS HOLS...
Hello beasties!!
This is the second of two posts inspired by my trip to Grange-Over-Sands back in late August. This time I share with you a selection of photos and a short story that I worked on whilst I was away...
Firstly I'd like to announce that we do finally have a date for the show at the poetry café... It's going to be Thursday 29th October 2015 - so relatively soon. The good news is that John Smallshaw will also be joining us to read on the night. There has been a bit of a restructuring at The Poetry Café this year, as far as booking shows is concerned, so I'm just glad to have been able to organise something before the end of the year. I'm quite keen to keep up my record of having performed at The Poetry Café every year since 2008 - not to mention my own personal record of having done at least one show a year (there or elsewhere) since then. Of course - I've also been keen to do a show which celebrates the 10th anniversary of POETIQUETTE as it is the 8th and final collection to be reissued as a solo volume. The other seven books have already had Poetry Café shows dedicated to them - so it is nice to be able to round off the series for this eighth collection. But enough of my waffle - here's the poster...
More on that nearer the time...
Next up, I should probably remind you of my recently released 10th anniversary edition of POETIQUETTE.
POETIQUETTE, first published in 2005, was Paul’s eighth self-published collection and his seventh to include completely contemporary compositions. Even back then he was writing his daft yeti verse, but until now POETIQUETTE has only been available alongside its sister volume MUGSHOTS (also recently re-issued), so this is the first time it has stood alone. This 10th anniversary edition contains photos and facts about the book and many of the poems Paul still performs today – these include, BEING COY, CAKE AND EAT IT, HOPELESS ROMANTIC?, I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS), MISTER BEE, RED TAPE, SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN and A YETI’S FUR, but many that he doesn’t; at least not yet! Sit back and enjoy!
Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/poetiquette/17040496 £7.99
Hardback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/poetiquette/17110198 £14.99
Next up I'd like to share with you the last of my photos from my trip up to Grange-Over-Sands and the surrounding area...
We'll be back again next week when I'll be previewing the 4th season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - as that is finally ready and due to be published in October... The post after that I'll probably be posting something about a long weekend I am spending in Devon at the beginning of next month... More about that when it happens!
There's a short story coming up, the first half of it written in Morecambe on the 19th August 2015...
More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx
FISH AND CHIPS ON MORECAMBE PROM...
He took her to Morecambe Prom for fish and chips that day, intending to call it off. He'd met somebody else - someone less clingy, someone younger and with better prospects; somebody who had her own car and didn't need ferrying about all the time like she did - somebody who didn't still live with her mother, even at the grand old age of 38.
It was August, but the weather was changeable; one minute blue skies and sun, the next big grey clouds crowded in threatening, though not as yet delivering their harvests of rain. There were only a few families on the beach
He went and fetched their fish and chips from Poulton's. It was her favourite place to get take-out and meant that they could sit in the town hall gardens just around the corner, by The Prom. She stayed in the car whilst he ordered - listening to a playlist of romantic bilge that she had compiled herself for them to listen to on day trips out in the countryside. He certainly wouldn't miss having that audio torture inflicted on him weekend after weekends. If he never heard Michael Buble again he would die a happy man.
There in the town hall gardens they sat and ate their fish and chips - coated in home-made curry sauce and scraps - and for a while neither of them spoke. This was his opportunity and he quickly took it,
"Darling..." He began. "There is something I need to say..." She barely seemed to hear him, so distracted was she by her food and so he tried again. "Sweetheart... I brought you here today to say something important - it's something that should have been addressed some months ago but I've let the time pass for fear of your reaction..."
"Oh yes, dear - what's that then?"
But all of a sudden he found it hard to speak - something was stuck in his throat; a fish bone residing where it never should have. For a second he simply stared at her as the world began to go grey and she did the same - as he tried to mouth to her that he couldn't breath she lent down to listen to him just as he stood quickly upright and their heads clashed. Something like this could have ended up being even more of an inconvenience - but on this occasion it actually caused the fish bone to be jolted from his throat; suddenly he was breathing again.
"Thank you..." he gasped. "I was choking... There was a bone - it got stuck... You saved me..."
"Oh! You poor thing!" she exclaimed, looking uncertain. "Well, it was no problem... Are you okay? What was it that you were trying to tell me before?"
The emotions welled up in him and suddenly he was seeing her in a different light - either that or his brain was still suffering from a lack of oxygen, causing him to become disorientated...
"Will you marry me?" he blurted out. "Please say you will..."
For a second she paused, seeing their potential happy future reflected in his eyes; still feeling dizzy - knowing that she should feel cross with herself - for her plan had failed; after all she had so carefully hidden that fish bone in his dinner.
"Oh darling! Of course!" she cried, pulling him close, breathless with excitement. "Of course I'll marry you - the sooner the better..."
There will be other opportunities, she reasoned - other fish bones...
Until then, what harm could a little happiness do her...
MINI FACTFILE: This piece was written between 19th August and 18th September 2015, pretty much in two sections - the part of the story leading up to the wedding proposal in August, with the rest completed just before posting in September - although I had left myself notes for the ending when I began work on the story, although I did slightly change those plans slightly. Originally the story was going to end with him proposing - and then I decided to take the idea a little further, with the twist about the girl having accepted his proposal but not really wanting to - in fact initially she was actually going to run away with the fish and chip man - where it is revealed that she meant to choke him; her new lover suggests poisoning her fiancée with poisoned gravy - anyway in the end I decided not to take it quite so far, when I came to actually write those last couple of paragraphs. One other thing... The name of the fish and chip shop is the one we visited that day - it is one that Toby knew from years ago when he lived in that area. As it happens, I did once choke on a fish bone myself - I was in Balans on Old Compton Street - more than 10 years ago... It was Valentine's Day of all days and I was out with friends. I didn't mention the fish bone and politely excused myself - going down to the washroom quietly to die. Thankfully I didn't. I coughed it up almost immediately and then returned to the party. I've never forgotten that day though. Nasty things, fish bones. Avoid them, if at all possible. Especially swallowing them!
This post and all contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.
AUTUMN WON'T HAPPEN...
