FREAK OUT - IT'S HALLOWEEN!!

SETTING FREE OUR INNER GHOUL...

Hello beasties!!

This week we're feeling kind of sinister! Yes, it's...

HALLOWEEN!!!

Which means we're allowed to get all spooky-creepy!

That said, as readers will know I like to watch a good horror film all year around (or often a pretty bad one!), so in a way it's business as usual - only more so!

This week we also have a special spooktacular podcast - but first I'd like to quick announce the release of my new album, MUSIC FROM A SHY PLACE - VOLUME 1, a collection of mainly instrumentals which appear in episodes during the first six months of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST... It is available for £6.99 on Bandcamp and includes 22 tracks, as follows:

MUSIC FROM A SHY PLACE - VOLUME ONE

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST THEME (MY FIRST YETI DANCE)
SINISTER FUNK
A BIT OF A RAVE!!
ELECTRO DUDES (INSTRUMENTAL)
FOUR-EYED GROOVE
GET UP!!
I'VE GOT A MAN
THE 32ND OF MAY
WHERE DID I LEAVE MY KEYS?
YETI RHYTHM
REMAIN
THE LONELY M.P.
CHRYSALIS HEART
DANCING IN THE SHADOWS
FROZEN BEATS
STRINGS ETC.
MY SPIDER PRINCE
THE GHOSTS OF SUMMER
DANCE UNTIL DAWN (80s Remix)
THE CALL OF THE ALIEN
ELECTRO DUDES (VOCALS)
END THEME TO A PODCAST

MUSIC FROM A SHY PLACE - VOL. 1 is available Bandcamp at: https://shyyeti.bandcamp.com/album/music-from-a-shy-place-vol-1

Talking of podcasts - our Halloween episode is also just out!!

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 30: SAY HELLO TO HALLOWEEN...

Here we are for our feature-length episode THIRTY - it is also our HALLOWEEN edition!! This time we revisit some of our earlier guests to enquire about their favourite Halloween memories... There are also a few Halloween-themed poems, some comments from our regulars and even a spot of ghost-hunting! Thanks to Elaine, Erik, Jay The Hauntcub, Nick and Aly Goodman and Toppie Smellie for their contributions to this show! Our next episode, number 31 - sees Paul and Toby getting out and about around "Hidden London"... Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. Episode 30 was recorded between the 23rd July and the 18th October 2016.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

30: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-30-say-hello-to-halloween-v2

Also included in this post are some photos of slightly sinister things that I doodled during a meeting recently - not to mention some rather autumn-y views of me out and about in Hampstead whilst recording some introductions for the new Halloween episode...

I've also done a little Halloween piece for this post... It's pretty daft - but then I'm pretty sure that you've come to expect that sort of behaviour from me!

Next week we'll only be days away from my next overseas trip and I've done a special podcast episode to celebrate a birthday... Who's birthday?! Mine, of course!! This also means that I get to talk all about myself (as usual!!) as The Beargrrrian Gazette has been calling up to ask me some questions... Yay!!! (Ahem!!)

Next time I've got a post about another episode of the podcast - plus loads of photos from behind the scenes on recording it!

More soon - take care!

Yeti hugs!

Paul xx

P.S. The following piece was written between Monday 26th and Friday 30th September 2016, with some tweaking done until date of posting.

SOMETHING HALLOWEEN-Y

Random musings on Halloween...

Spooks...
Poltergeists, even...
Okay - maybe that's going a bit far...
Let's take a quick back-step...
Spooks...
Ghosts with chains that rattle...
Angry ghosts...
Ghosts who just received another electricity bill -
But who have been dead for seventeen years...
Of course they're mad about it!!
"You do know that ghosts don't actually have to pay electricity bills, right?
What are you? Some kind of idiot? I'm dead... I no longer have a bank account..."
Sure, I still have a little stashed away under the floorboards...
A gold necklace and a vintage snood that you might get a tenner for online...
But I don't see why any ghost need share that secret with some twatting jobsworth...
Keep that fact to yourself - save your treasure for a special occasion -
And just remind the electricity board that ghosts don't need heat because you don't feel the cold, "Good day to you, sir!" *slams down phone*

Witches...
Warlocks...
Black hat and broomsticks...
A dirty-looking cauldron bubbling away in the corner...
Goodness knows what's inside it?
Slugs and snails and puppy dog's tales...
And - oh my - the tales those dogs can tell will make your ears wilt!
Worse than anything you've heard witch's cats say down the tavern...
Whilst we're on the subject, why not take a look around...
Over there on the shelf spell-books
Second hand, of course - passed down through families...
Or borrowed - possibly stolen - from the local library...

Who can afford a new spell-book these days...

They're all E-books! It's just not the same...
It's amazing how often you find typos in the more recent editions...
It may not sound much but it can mean the difference -
Between turning your foes into frogs or into traffic wardens...
The world really doesn't need ANY more traffic wardens...

Vampires...
Blood-suckers...
Really? Does it have to be blood? That's so 1970s!
Listen, we have a nice selection of alcoholic beverages...
But if you're driving then we have coffee... We have tea...
I'm pretty sure I could run to a mug of hot chocolate if I turn out the cupboards...
I'm not being insensitive, but we do have tomato juice... Okay, blood is it...
Go on then, impress me; turn into a bat or something...
It's okay - I didn't put garlic in it - the curtains are drawn -
Although this really isn't my idea of "mood lighting..."
Unless this is the kind of mood you are trying to encourage!
Biting the guests puts nobody in a very positive frame of mind...
I thought modern vampires had evolved past having to avoid sun-light...
Don't tell me - it turns you to dust - you're very old-school, aren't you?
Oh well... At least they won't be in for any big surprises...
Well, other than finding out that their host wants to sip on their jugulars -
And maybe enslave them for the rest of their existence...
Too cheap to pay for a cleaner? Some people...

Werewolves...
Moon-barkers...
Sorry, is that offensive? I really don't want to offend anyone..
Especially if they're a werewolf...
You know... Sharp teeth and all; sorry another stereotype there...
I'm sure some of them are really nice people...
Actually - that's probably not what I meant...
Because even the bad werewolves who eat folk -
Might be lovely when you meet them in their human form...
I suppose what I was trying to say -
Was that some werewolves are probably nice too; even when transformed...
Blood-lust doesn't affect everyone the same, right!? Don't look at me like that...
Werewolves... They're all misunderstood... Oh, who am I kidding!?
Ghosts and witches and vampires and werewolves...
They're a miserable bunch when all is said and done and get far too much publicity...
What about me? I've got a new book out...
But I don't suppose you're interested in that, are you?
So will that do? Shall we call it a day now? I've done my part...

Thank goodness Halloween only comes around once a year...

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016

NEW VIDEO RELEASED: SHY YETI'S SPOOKYCREEPY SHOW!!!

Hello beasties!

Well, I'm glad to be able to announce this week that there is a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode up on both Youtube and Vimeo. It's our first in over a month, so I hope it's worth the wait! It was originally filmed as our Halloween episode, but SHY YETI'S HAUNTED KITCHEN got there first. Here's a bit more about the video which was filmed around the South of England during August 2012... The first poem is about three years old and the other two are ones that I've worked on in recent months for next year's NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection.

SHY YETI'S SPOOKYCREEPY SHOW was originally going called SHY YETI'S HALLOWEEN HOO-HAA and was going to be this year's Halloween episode, but then SHY YETI'S HAUNTED KITCHEN jumped in first. Anyway, the finished episode is another horror-themed show and included three poems, three (count 'em!) yeti dances and a lot of silliness. The poems are THAT OLD BLOOD MOON, SHAVING WEREWOLVES and HELLO! HELLO! I'M HALLOWEEN! Special guests in this episode include Dominic McCauley, Andrew Trowbridge and Lisa Parker. Camerawork by: myself, Dominic and Harry Fulton. Music is by Spooky Yeti and Luca. All content in this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler 2012. Coming soon: More live episodes, more Sutton Park (hopefully) and our Christmas episode!!

Youtube: http://youtu.be/WLnifWZGqb8

Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/54754942

So, what else do I have to tell you?

I'm hoping to be able to release ARE WE THERE, YETI!? next week... I'm just putting the finishing touches to it now and hoping to send it off to Lulu.com by this Friday. If it's ready then that's one of the things that I'll be posting about next week.

I'm also progressing nicely with the sequel...

As some of you may recall, the follow-up to ARE WE THERE, YETI!? is called NOT AS SHY AS I WAS and I've been performing a lot from this collection during 2012. I've not yet begun proofing this collection at all yet, but I will be doing a post or two about this book in the next few weeks - including releasing the contents list so you can see a little more about what that collection contains.

Next week we'll be doing an update on the ratings for the videos that I've posted on Youtube and Vimeo as a run up to announcing as the first post of 2013, which of the 2012 videos received the highest ratings... It's always a little unfair as, obviously, some videos are newer than others - although this has been quite a weird year in as much as I've had far more views for the films in 2012 than in previous years. Many of the films from the first half of this year have more hits than many of those films that have been up since 2010! I may also be doing a mini review of the year, as well as posting up a number a video from last month's THIRD TIME LUCKY show, at The Poetry Cafe.

That's it for now,

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

PS Here's a drawing that will appear with the poem SHAVING WEREWOLVES when it is eventually published in my NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection. It was drawn by Adam M Botsford and you can see more of his work at: http://adammbotsford.blogspot.co.uk/

The specific post about this drawing is at: http://adambotsford.com/post/37163113895/here-is-an-commission-for-paul-chandler-check-out

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

BEWARE OF THE VAMPIRE COWS!!!

THE "LOST" EPISODE - RELEASED!!

Hello folks,

This week I'm going to be posting links to my new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode...

This episode isn't a poetry video, at all - it actually contains 4 100-word stories from my THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection from Summer 2011 and was originally filmed as a possible Summer special. However, due to travelling over to the States back in the July/August 2011 and then having so much to edit from that trip I never really got the chance... So here it is now! The episode actually contains a few other bits and pieces that I had lying around and so actually covers footage filmed between April and July 2011 - with a number of special guests and cameramen along the way! There are even two yeti dances, one filmed alone by myself in the village where I grew up, near Salisbury - on the same day that I took the cover photos for my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. The second yeti dance was filmed by my old friend Nick Goodman during a book launch picnic in St James Park in July 2011. I actually had an audience of friend's for that one! A shame I couldn't get them to join in - that is the plan in the future! Anyway, when I recorded these two dances I had no idea where I'd use them, so I'm glad that they've now found a home. My last video of 100-word stories A YETI IN WINTER was my highest rated episode of 2011, so I'm hoping that people will enjoy this one just as much, as it contains some of my own favourites and one, A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING, that I wrote back in 1994 which actually triggered me off to begin writing such stories again when I came across it early last year...

Here's all you need to know about the film and where you can view it...

BEWARE OF THE VAMPIRE COWS!!! is one of two "lost" SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes that were recorded during 2011 and yet escaped being edited... until now! This episode was originally intended as the 2011 Summer Special to be released at the same time as my Summer 2011 collection of short stories and prose, THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE. Rather like my earlier video A YETI IN WINTER, this episode does not contain poems, but 4 100-word stories from the VAMPIRE COWS book: TOM'S SECRET LIFE, THE RESTAURANT CRITIC, LAID and A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING. There are also 2 yeti dances and much of the usual nonsense... oh, and vampire cows! Honestly... They're not ordinary cows, at all! Most of the episode was filmed by Mr Paul Chandler between April and July 2011, but Mr Nick Goodman filmed the final yeti dance during a book launch in July 2011. Special guests include Mr C Williamson, Mr H Fulton and Mr D McCauley. Music by Luca. Please note: No Vampire Cows were harmed in the making of this episode. This film and the stories included within are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

Youtube link: http://youtu.be/gH_Q7zU3x7w

Vimeo link: https://vimeo.com/44296520

Please note: The Vimeo episode is a 10 minute edit, but contains all the poems and yeti dancing - only loosing some of the scenery and a couple of out-takes.

Before I go I want to share with you a poem that I finished late last week, which I wrote whilst travelling home of the train. It's called NATIONAL TREASURE and I filmed a video for it on Sunday 17th June 2012, which will hopefully appear as part of the provisionally entitled SHY YETI BOTTLES SUMMER episode, which I hope to release in August or early September.

Next week I'll be posting a photo gallery from the two films that I filmed during May and early June - SHY YETI GOES WILD 2 and SHY YETI'S BEST OF BRITAIN which I just finished filming in Salisbury this weekend. I'll also be posting a link to a video from my appearance on RADIO WEY on Saturday 2nd June which I intend to begin work on this week...

That's it for now - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

NATIONAL TREASURE



She’s a national treasure…

She is locked in a box;

Hidden amongst heirlooms –

And grandfather’s socks!

She hasn’t been seen –

Since the Queen’s Jubilee…

Since the turn of the decade…

Yes, since Eighteen-O-three!

Why’d they hide her away;

From our excitable sighs?

From our sticky-toothed kids –

And our sly prying eyes?

She’s a national treasure –

They should put her on show!

In her highest high heels –

With her hair in a bow…


He’s a national treasure…

Stored behind a closed door…

Left up there on the shelf;

Left requiring more!

With a look in his eye –

That shows how much he missed;

All the fame and the grease-paint –

All those fans that he kissed!

Oh, the sound of their screaming –

Used to make him excited!

It used to massage his ego –

But alas, never knighted!

He’s a national treasure…

They should give him some slack!

They should build him a statue –

Or erect a blue plaque…


She’s a national treasure…

She should be celebrated…

She should be so adored!

Not deplored or just hated!

Seems they built her right up –

Just to knock her back down…

Seen out wearing a dunce cap –

When she should wear a crown!

They should give her respect –

‘Cos she’d certainly earn it…

They won’t build her a bridge…

For they fear she might burn it…

She’s a national treasure –

But seems that nobody cares!

They should put her for sale…

Offer Stock Market shares!


He’s a national treasure…

His performances noted!

Yes, with politics flirted –

Shame that nobody voted!

Shame that nobody listened –

Or ever saw his Othello!

No-one watched him in Panto –

Though he did very well…

Oh! Why does the whole world –

Act so fickle, so fleeting?

Love these stars for a bit;

Then send them back for a beating?!

They are national treasures –

But pretty soon they’ll be gone…

And then the gods of nostalgia –

Will have finally won!

The poem NATIONAL TREASURE will appear in my collection NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, due out late this year, early next. My next collection of poems and stories, ARE WE THERE, YETI!? is due out in August 2012 - more details on that nearer the time. This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.