FREAK OUT - IT'S HALLOWEEN!!

SETTING FREE OUR INNER GHOUL...

Hello beasties!!

This week we're feeling kind of sinister! Yes, it's...

HALLOWEEN!!!

Which means we're allowed to get all spooky-creepy!

That said, as readers will know I like to watch a good horror film all year around (or often a pretty bad one!), so in a way it's business as usual - only more so!

This week we also have a special spooktacular podcast - but first I'd like to quick announce the release of my new album, MUSIC FROM A SHY PLACE - VOLUME 1, a collection of mainly instrumentals which appear in episodes during the first six months of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST... It is available for £6.99 on Bandcamp and includes 22 tracks, as follows:

MUSIC FROM A SHY PLACE - VOLUME ONE

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST THEME (MY FIRST YETI DANCE)
SINISTER FUNK
A BIT OF A RAVE!!
ELECTRO DUDES (INSTRUMENTAL)
FOUR-EYED GROOVE
GET UP!!
I'VE GOT A MAN
THE 32ND OF MAY
WHERE DID I LEAVE MY KEYS?
YETI RHYTHM
REMAIN
THE LONELY M.P.
CHRYSALIS HEART
DANCING IN THE SHADOWS
FROZEN BEATS
STRINGS ETC.
MY SPIDER PRINCE
THE GHOSTS OF SUMMER
DANCE UNTIL DAWN (80s Remix)
THE CALL OF THE ALIEN
ELECTRO DUDES (VOCALS)
END THEME TO A PODCAST

MUSIC FROM A SHY PLACE - VOL. 1 is available Bandcamp at: https://shyyeti.bandcamp.com/album/music-from-a-shy-place-vol-1

Talking of podcasts - our Halloween episode is also just out!!

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 30: SAY HELLO TO HALLOWEEN...

Here we are for our feature-length episode THIRTY - it is also our HALLOWEEN edition!! This time we revisit some of our earlier guests to enquire about their favourite Halloween memories... There are also a few Halloween-themed poems, some comments from our regulars and even a spot of ghost-hunting! Thanks to Elaine, Erik, Jay The Hauntcub, Nick and Aly Goodman and Toppie Smellie for their contributions to this show! Our next episode, number 31 - sees Paul and Toby getting out and about around "Hidden London"... Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. Episode 30 was recorded between the 23rd July and the 18th October 2016.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

30: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-30-say-hello-to-halloween-v2

Also included in this post are some photos of slightly sinister things that I doodled during a meeting recently - not to mention some rather autumn-y views of me out and about in Hampstead whilst recording some introductions for the new Halloween episode...

I've also done a little Halloween piece for this post... It's pretty daft - but then I'm pretty sure that you've come to expect that sort of behaviour from me!

Next week we'll only be days away from my next overseas trip and I've done a special podcast episode to celebrate a birthday... Who's birthday?! Mine, of course!! This also means that I get to talk all about myself (as usual!!) as The Beargrrrian Gazette has been calling up to ask me some questions... Yay!!! (Ahem!!)

Next time I've got a post about another episode of the podcast - plus loads of photos from behind the scenes on recording it!

More soon - take care!

Yeti hugs!

Paul xx

P.S. The following piece was written between Monday 26th and Friday 30th September 2016, with some tweaking done until date of posting.

SOMETHING HALLOWEEN-Y

Random musings on Halloween...

Spooks...
Poltergeists, even...
Okay - maybe that's going a bit far...
Let's take a quick back-step...
Spooks...
Ghosts with chains that rattle...
Angry ghosts...
Ghosts who just received another electricity bill -
But who have been dead for seventeen years...
Of course they're mad about it!!
"You do know that ghosts don't actually have to pay electricity bills, right?
What are you? Some kind of idiot? I'm dead... I no longer have a bank account..."
Sure, I still have a little stashed away under the floorboards...
A gold necklace and a vintage snood that you might get a tenner for online...
But I don't see why any ghost need share that secret with some twatting jobsworth...
Keep that fact to yourself - save your treasure for a special occasion -
And just remind the electricity board that ghosts don't need heat because you don't feel the cold, "Good day to you, sir!" *slams down phone*

Witches...
Warlocks...
Black hat and broomsticks...
A dirty-looking cauldron bubbling away in the corner...
Goodness knows what's inside it?
Slugs and snails and puppy dog's tales...
And - oh my - the tales those dogs can tell will make your ears wilt!
Worse than anything you've heard witch's cats say down the tavern...
Whilst we're on the subject, why not take a look around...
Over there on the shelf spell-books
Second hand, of course - passed down through families...
Or borrowed - possibly stolen - from the local library...

Who can afford a new spell-book these days...

They're all E-books! It's just not the same...
It's amazing how often you find typos in the more recent editions...
It may not sound much but it can mean the difference -
Between turning your foes into frogs or into traffic wardens...
The world really doesn't need ANY more traffic wardens...

Vampires...
Blood-suckers...
Really? Does it have to be blood? That's so 1970s!
Listen, we have a nice selection of alcoholic beverages...
But if you're driving then we have coffee... We have tea...
I'm pretty sure I could run to a mug of hot chocolate if I turn out the cupboards...
I'm not being insensitive, but we do have tomato juice... Okay, blood is it...
Go on then, impress me; turn into a bat or something...
It's okay - I didn't put garlic in it - the curtains are drawn -
Although this really isn't my idea of "mood lighting..."
Unless this is the kind of mood you are trying to encourage!
Biting the guests puts nobody in a very positive frame of mind...
I thought modern vampires had evolved past having to avoid sun-light...
Don't tell me - it turns you to dust - you're very old-school, aren't you?
Oh well... At least they won't be in for any big surprises...
Well, other than finding out that their host wants to sip on their jugulars -
And maybe enslave them for the rest of their existence...
Too cheap to pay for a cleaner? Some people...

Werewolves...
Moon-barkers...
Sorry, is that offensive? I really don't want to offend anyone..
Especially if they're a werewolf...
You know... Sharp teeth and all; sorry another stereotype there...
I'm sure some of them are really nice people...
Actually - that's probably not what I meant...
Because even the bad werewolves who eat folk -
Might be lovely when you meet them in their human form...
I suppose what I was trying to say -
Was that some werewolves are probably nice too; even when transformed...
Blood-lust doesn't affect everyone the same, right!? Don't look at me like that...
Werewolves... They're all misunderstood... Oh, who am I kidding!?
Ghosts and witches and vampires and werewolves...
They're a miserable bunch when all is said and done and get far too much publicity...
What about me? I've got a new book out...
But I don't suppose you're interested in that, are you?
So will that do? Shall we call it a day now? I've done my part...

Thank goodness Halloween only comes around once a year...

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016

CREEPTASTIC!!!

YETI HALLOWEEN 2013

Hello beasties,

This week is going to be another short post - but I couldn't let Halloween go by without writing something new for that occasion... The poem included at the bottom of this post is called ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER and was written between the 18th and the 26th September 2013. I intend to include it in my 2014 collection which I hope you'll be helping me choose a title for sometimes soon. (I have three possibilities!) Eagle-eyed readers will have seen me mention this on my Twitter account at: https://twitter.com/SHYYETI but I'll return to it again after my holiday.

Until then... NOT AS SHY AS I WAS has sped its way to www.lulu.com for an initial print run. I now have copies of this and LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED to wave about during my trips. If all goes well then I'll be publishing NOT AS SHY AS I WAS on Monday 18th November 2013 - which is a little less than two weeks before my next Poetry Cafe show - but I will have copies to sell on the night. I just want to make sure that it's as ready as it can be before I release it into the big bad world.

Whilst I'm here there's no harm in reminding you that there are two Halloween videos on my MRSHYYETI account. They were both posted last year and I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people who still haven't had a chance to see them. The episodes are:

SHY YETI'S HAUNTED KITCHEN

http://youtu.be/EKi1SvHV_Rc

SHY YETI'S SPOOKYCREEPY SHOW

http://youtu.be/WLnifWZGqb8

Not to mention the recent Friday The 13th live episode...

THE AUTUMNAL CREEPINESS SHOW

http://youtu.be/We5yzRhVUVo

I hope you'll enjoy watching them! Boost my ratings and inspire me to edit some new ones! I'm not feeling the video love at the moment, I need some more viewers - so get viewing, why don't you? Make an old yeti very happy in the last 10 days of his 30s!

Next week I'll be getting ready for my birthday trip to Florence and the posts for the week or two after will be diaries from both these trips - the other destination being Nice. Hopefully there will be a lot of photos from these little adventures too!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx



ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER

Zombie taxi-driver -
He doesn't need to use a map...
His rates are very reasonable -
He never needs to take a nap!
Cos he is dead and that is all -
Some luxuries he doesn't need!
Most food and homework he can skip -
Yet entrail-tea he'll sup with greed!
You'll see him tearing down the streets -
To get commuters to their meetings -
The zombie hunters don't take note...
For they're too busy giving beatings!
There is no time for being caught -
You need some sense, a little cunning!
You cannot keep passengers waiting -
Not when you've got the meter running!


Zombie taxi-driver...
Really knows his way around...
He'll not get lost along the route -
So do not fear you'll not be found!
He ate the brains of all his fares -
Who never paid the fee t'was due!
It helped him gain what's called "the knowledge" -
And soon his wisdom duly grew!
He can transport you cross the town -
With both his eyelids tightly closed!
Although his eyes are long since gone -
And he is almost decomposed...
Those zombie killers he does hate -
But that's when driving can be fun...
That's when he'll offer them the job -
As his next case of hit and run! 
 

Zombie taxi-driver...
Sure, he looks a little pale -
He was crudely crucified...
Upon a rusty nine inch nail!
But as we know he got away -
Now he's a zombie who's forgiving!
And he drives a taxi round -
So he can make an honest living...
So if you need to get about -
Then he will take you for a ride...
But no, he will not eat your brain -
Nor any guts you've tucked inside!
Yes, he may be a shambling corpse -
He might be several decades dead...
But he's the best man that we have -
A one man undead Aye to Zed!

ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER is Copyright Paul Chandler 2013 and will be included in my first collection of  2014.