Showing posts with label LOVE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LOVE. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED...

IS OUT... AGAIN, AFTER ALMOST TEN YEARS!!

Hello beasties,

Today I have released a new edition of my 6th poetry collection. It was first published in 2004 - so this is the 10th anniversary, although originally it was published a little later in the year. My 6th, 7th and 8th collections all came out over a period of a year - so I wanted to stagger the re-releases a little.

LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED, published in 2004, was Paul’s sixth self-published collection and his fifth to include completely contemporary compositions. Even back then he was writing his daft yeti verse, but until now LOVESONGS has only been available alongside its sister volume THE AUTUMNAL E.P. (re-issued in autumn 2013), so this is the first time it has stood alone. This 10th anniversary edition contains photos and facts about the book and many of these poems Paul still regularly performs today, CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND, CUDDLE HIM, DANCEFLOOR SLAUGHTER, FLAUNT TRADITION, GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT, JEALOUSY DID HIM NO GOOD, THE SMALL PRINT and WICKED SANTA, but many that he doesn’t! At least not yet… So, sit back and enjoy!!

Paperback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/lovesongs-for-the-bitter-and-twisted/paperback/product-21573107.html

Hardback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/lovesongs-for-the-bitter-and-twisted/hardcover/product-21578787.html

There's a piece from this collection at the end of this post called DEATH ON AN EMPTY STOMACH...

Tonight I have a gig, so I may not post until the following week after the Easter holiday.

More soon!

Yeti hugs.

Paul xx



DEATH ON AN EMPTY STOMACH…



Death on an empty stomach’s –
Not a recommended choice!
Not something bound to make me…
Jump around nor sing “Rejoice!!”
I reckon t’would be painful…
Empty tum – switched down on LOW!
Death on an empty stomach –
Don’t sound good to me, you know…


A gurgling of belly –
Might just throw the Reaper’s stroke….
He might slip and strike a Kitty –
Newly born and just awoke!
How’d you feel if you were blame-ed –
For such tragic feline end of days?
Simply ‘coz you’d missed your dinner…
That’s why a diet never pays!


Death on an empty stomach –
Well, it won’t amount to bliss!
If you find your standards slipping –
Well then – just consider this…
Don’t you reckon t’would be rotten…
To be requiring one last snack!
Yes, death on an empty stomach –
Leaves you open to attack!

 
A croaking in your belly –
Might just knock Death’s blow aside!
Which could set a nun on fire –
Causing cars to swerve – collide!
Make all clowns bereft of humour!
Moby Dick to sink and drown!
Leaves may fall from off the trees tops –
In mid-summer – shrivelled brown…


Death on an empty stomach –
Only leads to feeling “off”!
So, DO persevere with eating –
Please chow down and really scoff!
That way you’re gonna feel much better;
Having quit that pointless fast!
Death on an empty stomach!
Fill up now – your life has past…


A grumble in your belly –
Could well spoil the Reaper’s plans!
So tuck in without any conscience –
On the pies and beer and flans!
Death on a silent stomach –
Ensures that nothing will go wrong!
On the day you meet your maker…
When dear old Death she comes along!
 
 

This post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.


Thursday, November 22, 2012

MR YETI AND FRIENDS...
BACK AT THE POETRY CAFE!!

Howdy beasties!

So, you may ask... How exactly did the gig last Friday go?

Well, it may have been chilly and damp outside, but down in the basement at The Poetry Cafe the atmosphere was warm and cordial and despite the smaller crowd than usual we had a great night. The event was partly to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my third collection, THIRD TIME LUCKY, which I released at the start of November on Lulu.com.
 
All the links to that collection can be found in the following blog post:
For the first time, in a while, we had two other poets at the show, the first of these being Mr John Smallshaw - of course, who has been involved in all my shows since Summer 2011. You can read about John at:  http://pantechniconpoet.wordpress.com/ or http://johnsmallshaw.com/ John read a number of pieces, among them Requiem, Dead Heat and several new poem that were untitled...
 
Our second poet was Sally J Blackmore who you can read more about at: http://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/ Sally read from her latest collection, "Deployed", amongst the pieces that she read were the poems Soldier, New Ways, Sense Of Home, Translators, Homecoming and a number of others. In the second half she read from her collection "Random" the poems, Enough Excitement For One Day, Of A Certain Age, Flake and Waiting Game.
 
Hopefully I'll be including some of these pieces in one of the films from the night, if I've time at some stage I'd love to do dedicated videos for both poets - but we'll see as I have quite a backlog at the moment; although the live videos are quicker to edit than most. I've checked pretty much all the footage from the night and it appears that most of our performances were successfully recorded. Big thanks to Dominic M for being the cameraman on the night and to all those that came along to support the three of us.
 
So, let's look a bit more at the specifics of the show from a yeti point of view...
 
THIRD TIME LUCKY - WITH SHY YETI AND FRIENDS
FRIDAY 16TH NOVEMBER 2012, POETRY CAFE, LONDON
 
The poems that I read were mainly from two collections, the 10th anniversary edition of 2002's THIRD TIME LUCKY and 2013's NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, which I've finished the writing work for, however there is still the proofing and formatting to be done. It was very much a case of then and now with my selection of readings, as follows:

Please note: All old poems with an asterisk (*) from THIRD TIME LUCKY

All other poems from NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, except for John... from ARE WE THERE, YETI!?

First half

Another Yeti Poem
National Treasure
The Wedding Breakfast
* Another Pathetic Assassination Attempt
* Ballad Of A Child Actor
* Better By Far
* The Butterfly Collectors
* Downstairs From Upstairs
* A Fortnight To Achieve

John read / Sally read

Last Friday Night (Katy Perry song in style of Noel Coward)
* Gad-a-bout / Stay-at-home
* Good Hug

Second half

I Am Sick (But Do I Wanna Be Cured)
Shaving Werewolves
Hello! Hello! I'm Halloween!
At The Strike Of Midnight

Sally read

* Party Girl
* On This Very Spot

John read

* Oh Florence
* Taken
*Third Time Lucky
John, I'm Only Rhyming


In More Detail

First half

Another Yeti Poem
National Treasure
The Wedding Breakfast


The first three poems were reasonably new ones from next year's NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection. The first I'd never read before and was written for a live opportunity, the second I'd read at my last show in September, but it's one of my recent favourites so I thought I'd give it a second airing. The third of these pieces I'd originally read in late April at my friend Glyn and David's civil partnership. Glyn was there on Friday, which is why I chose to re-read it. All these poems were recorded in full by Dominic except for Another Yeti Poem of which only the first verse was captured.

Another Pathetic Assassination Attempt
Ballad Of A Child Actor
Better By Far
The Butterfly Collectors
Downstairs From Upstairs
A Fortnight To Achieve


The next six poems were from THIRD TIME LUCKY, the first (and, I think, the third) being ones that I've read on a number of occasions - whilst the other five are ones I think I've probably never read, although I've recently recorded versions of Butterfly and Fortnight during my recent Venice trip. This is one of the nice things about revisiting my early books - I keep finding pieces that I've not read before that are ripe for revival!

John read / Sally read

Last Friday Nite
(Katy Perry in style of Noel Coward)
Gad-a-bout / Stay-at-home
Good Hug


After John and Sally had read (as detailed at the top of the post) I moved on my usual slot of performing a song as a spoken word piece. This time I chose a recent song Last Friday Nite (TFI), as sung by American songstress Katy Perry - but this time I did it with a twist and performed it in teh style of Noel Coward! It seemed to go down well and now I need to consider another possibility to perform this way at next April's show. Plenty of time to consider what to select!

The final two pieces were from the THIRD TIME LUCKY, the first which I've never performed and the second which I've performed quite a bit on and off over the years. It is also included it in my 2009 SHY YETI RULES OK compilation.

Second half

I Am Sick (But Do I Wanna Be Cured)
Shaving Werewolves
Hello! Hello! I'm Halloween!
At The Strike Of Midnight


The first four poems of the second half were all quite recent ones from NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection, due out next year. The first three have all been recorded for Shy Yeti On Location episodes, although only the first has seen the light of day on Youtube, so far. The 4th piece I've not made a video for yet, although I may record it down in Dorset for my new year film, as that would suit the theme of the piece.

Sally read

Party Girl
On This Very Spot


After Sally's second set, from her Random collection, I read a couple more THIRD TIME LUCKY pieces, the first an old favourite of mine and the second which I have never read live, but have recently considered recording a video for.

John read

Oh Florence
Taken
Third Time Lucky
John, I'm Only Rhyming


After John's second set I read three more pieces from THIRD TIME LUCKY, the first piece being one of my favourites, the second being a piece that I last read at The Cobalt Cafe in LA back in Summer 2011 and the third being the title track which I recently recorded a video for during a trip to Ghent in October 2012. The final piece of the evening was a poem that I've performed a number of times this year, most notably at the Broadstairs Folk Festival during the summer.

There were a number of poems from THIRD TIME LUCKY that I had intended to read, but which I missed out for timing reasons. They were, as follows:

Break My Heart, Computer Dating, Get Over Yourself, A Girl Like You, Herbal Teabags, Instructions To Life, Keyholes, The Park, Reincarnation, Soon On Your Way, They Found Him Wandering..., Things Ain't What They Used To Be..., Unfulfilled, Xmas Shop-lifter, I Love You Less

My first show of 2013 will probably focus on my ARE WE THERE, YETI!? collection, which has taken rather longer to be completed, but which hopefully should be out as the start of December.

Thank you to every one who came along, a total of £36 was raised on the night for the COMBAT STRESS charity.
 
Oh - and seeing as we've had the last Yeti live show of 2012 (there should be more videos still to come before the end of the year!), I thought that I'd reveal the dates for 2013, which are as follows...
 
Friday 19th April 2013
Friday 19th July 2013
Friday 13th September 2013
Friday 29th November 2013
 
I'm thinking that I'll have to make the Friday 13th September date a spooky night of some sort!
 
Next week, hopefully, we'll be looking at the next Shy Yeti On Location video and I am also hoping to be able to announce the release date of ARE WE THERE, YETI!? There may even be one or two more photos from the Venice trip!
 
More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all content is Copyright Paul Chandler 2012


Saturday, April 28, 2012

A VERY NEW POEM FOR A VERY SPECIAL DAY...

Hello!

As promised, here is the brand new poem written for and read by me at my friend's Glyn and David's Civil Partnership on Friday 27th April 2012... It's called THE WEDDING BREAKFAST and was written between November 2011 and April 2012. It took me a while to get it just right and was originally conceived more as a song or, at very least, a poem with verses. At one stage it was intended for reading at the reception - but when I was asked to upgrade it for performance at the ceremony itself I decided to make it one verse and rewrote a lot of the early lines. Thankfully it seemed to go down pretty well and I even ended up reading another wedding themed piece at the reception called A LIFE TOGETHER that I wrote a few years back.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Next week we'll be back on Wednesday to celebrate the 10th anniversary of this blog; to launch a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video and to discuss the forthcoming show at the Poetry Cafe on Saturday 5th May 2012.

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Congratulations once again to Glyn and David!

P.P.S. Did I wear my red top hat when I read - of course I did! Photos to prove it next post!

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST

For Glyn and David's civil partnership ceremony…

It is time to duly toast the happy couple…
It is time we reached the business of the day…
Now our friends have made their love affair official…
Three cheers, yet now I've something more to say!
I have known this pair of grooms for quite some time now…
They are looking very smart you will agree!
With their beards all spruced up nice for the occasion!
They will pose for photos soon – but for a fee.
A little later you will see them on the dance-floor –
Well, rumour has it they've got rhythm by the yard…
They will pull some disco shapes - such groovy movers!
Get out their way if they are waltzing extra hard.
You're very welcome, if you wish - to come and join them...
If you want to come and have a little whirl!
Come and dance whichever way you feel best-suited...
An energetic dozey-doh - or simply twirl!
On this very special day they’re celebrating...
If I may, I’d like to offer up a toast!
Of all the friends I have whose names are Glyn and David;
These two, they are the ones I like the most...
Ah, true love is something always to be treasured...
There are so many choices now for them to make…
My choices though involve the Wedding Breakfast –
And my thoughts drift quickly to the actual cake!
I’m wondering if the grooms on top are bearded...
I’m wondering if the cake’s shaped like a bear...
I’m wondering if there’s any chance of seconds!?
Sneak some home beneath my hat, now would I dare?
I am informed that they will honeymoon in Venice –
Oh, very nice - I say - a quite fantastic place!
With all the sights and sounds and quite delicious ice cream!
Is there some chance that they might squeeze me in their case?
If I’m very nice to them, perhaps they'll let me...
If I promise to be good and quite polite!
If they have themselves some pasta or lasagne...
I’ll behave myself for just a little bite!
Still, I must curtail these dreams of foreign travel...
And sign off on happy thoughts, this special day!
To our two stupendous grooms, now, here before us...
Let us wish them all the best, hip hip hooray...

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST will appear in the collection NOT AS SHY AS I WAS which has no exact release date, as yet - but will hopefully be finished by late 2012, early 2013. It and all the contents of this post is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

NEW POEM - HOT OFF THE PRESS: YOU ARE CAT-NIP TO ME...

Hello!

I think it is best that I point out, first of all, that there are no cats involved in this poem at all. However, I did think that I might share with you a few pictures of two random cats which I met whilst I was travelling in Spain, recently. The one above tried to nip my friend Neph, actually. But no harm was done. He's a cutey really. The cat, not Neph. Neph's alright, I suppose... hehe. Sorry Neph! I don't mean it! Anyway really the poem more is less concerned with felines themselves and more with their reaction to cat-nip or nepeta; which most cats seem to adore. I thought it would be fun to write a poem about somebody who finds another person quite irresistible and to compare them to cat-nip.

You can read more about the effects of cat-nip/cat-mint/nepeta at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nepeta

Anyway, this piece is a new poem, hot off the press - I only wrote it on the train into work, this morning. It will probably appear in the new book of poems: IF POEMS WERE PIES in 2009; of which I have already written about 20 poems, so far. YOU ARE CAT-NIP TO ME is a little bit racy compared to my recent fare and was written for a friend. I had some really nice comments from friends who have read it, so far, today and so I have decided to share it with you.

According to Blogger, this is the 99th post on this site since I began it in April 2002 - so the next one will my century!! I'd better make it a good one...

Enjoy the poem - but before I go I would just like to publically wish my fabulous and perfect cat, Mr Deeley, a happy 4th birthday. I was away in Spain and so missed the terrific party that my flatmate, Calum, threw for the boy's big day. Apparently 4 in cat years is 32 in our years!! He's so grown up now!!

Anyway, more soon!


Paul xx




YOU ARE CAT-NIP TO ME…
(21/10/2008)


You are cat-nip to me…
I don't mean you're a plant…
That is grown in the garden -
By some poor maiden aunt!
I just mean I'm attracted…
In a way that I'm liking…
You are cat-nip to me…
And you're beefy - you're striking!
In a way beyond logic…
You send my brain in a whirr…
You are cuddle contagious…
I'm even starting to purr!
May my dreams every night…
Be just you; in the buff...
You are cat-nip to me…
I simply can't get enough…

You are cat-nip to me…
Yes, you make my heart flutter…
May I please to seduce you…
Might I drench you in butter?
But you're naturally yummy…
Yes, and juicy as hell…
You are cat-nip to me…
And you do it so well!
Yes, my knees go all shaky…
And my heart skips a beat…
I get hot; I get sweaty…
Like some old dog in heat…
You are cat-nip to me…
You are woofy; I'm mew-wy…
If you were a cool cartoon character -
You would be Hong Kong Phooey…

You are cat-nip to me…
I have a reaction that's strong…
You give out a sweet scent…
Which in no way is a pong!
I just can't get my fill -
Of your bits, oh so naughty…
You are cat-nip to me…
Soon I'll be pushing forty…
You're alluring; mysterious…
You look fabulous naked…
If you rolled in a puddle -
You'd look great; muddy cake-d…
You are better than thyme,
Twelve times better than clover…
You are cat-nip to me…
Might I kiss you all over?

You are cat-nip to me…
You make me ever-so flirty…
The things I'd like us to do…
They are really quite dirty…
But not in a bad way…
I've a particular theme…
You are cat-nip to me…
Can I bring squirty cream?
Can I bring something slinky?
My mind spins on its axis…
Something flimsy to tear off…
Velcro-lined; for quick access…
You are cat-nip to me…
I will answer all phone calls…
Now I'm done with life's kittens…
So, will you show me your fur-balls?

Here are some more photos of Spanish cats that I met on my recent trip. I would like to emphasize that none of them produced any - erm - fur-balls. At least, not to my knowledge.