Monday, May 11, 2015

FURTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM BROOKWOOD...

MY SORDID PAST IN SQUIRREL-DRAG...

Hello beasties,

Just a quick piece this time - I hadn't planned on posting anything new until later in the month or even early June, but I had another trip out to Brookwood this weekend just gone and so wanted to keep to my plan to let any day-trips inspire my writing. This time I was on my own and my leg was still playing up, so I didn't go far - so the majority of my "trip out" involved me sitting in the sun, writing. Of course, this being my second trip in less than two weeks it was a case of letting the same location inspire me in a completely different way from my last visit. This time I came up with something that is a mixture of dark humour and surrealness - maybe something a little creepy too if that's how you want to interpret it. 

SQUIRREL DRAG AND KINDLY APPARITIONS was originally entitled simply THE GRAVEYARD, but that was before I'd written anything; generally I prefer to avoid simple titles or else you just find your work gets lost amongst a million other pieces called THE GRAVEYARD. I always believe in making my projects stand-out as being as unique as possible. It's not always possible - when I published my POETIQUETTE and CAVEMAN LOGIC books there were no other published books with that title - but that's not the case now. Still, even so there still aren't many books with that title. When I started work on my KENSINGTON GORE series I googled to see whether there were many other writings using this title, but was surprised to find that (considering it is an actual area in London) that there was only one horror writer using it as their nom de plume. Anyway, I digress... I worked on the first draft of this new piece when I was in Brookwood on Sunday 10th May 2015 and then gave it a final polish on Monday 11th May - which is (or was) today! ...And now it's up here and posted for you. I hope you weren't expecting too much!


Next time I intend to write about one of the new books - depending on which one is likely to be ready first - or maybe there'll be another weird story... We shall see!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx



SQUIRREL DRAG AND KINDLY APPARITIONS...

(Random Thoughts From Brookwood Cemetery)
 
The graveyard is empty today...
The weather was meant to be wet -
So nobody came by; no-one at all...
The sun is actually out -
But still the mourners did not come...
However, life and death must go on...
I made the journey -
I have no reason to be here other than escape...
This haven of remembrance brings me peace...
Although I would be wrong to think -
That I had the place to myself...
I did not bring flowers -
But the garden is sprouting them for all to enjoy...
Baby rabbits play around gravestones -
Unaware of what these monuments represent...
Although who's to say what a bunny should or shouldn't do?
The place is alive with wild-life...
Squirrels sit in trees doing their squirrel-duties...
Looking out for whatever it is that scares or interests them...
I'd offer my time and attention if I thought they needed it...
Although goodness knows if I'd actually make it up into the tree tops...
Of course, any who know me would suspect that -
Such voluntary work is just an opportunity to do squirrel drag...
It must admit that, indeed, it is extremely enticing...
The chance to dress up in some furry ears and a big brushy tail...
But would I risk getting caught impersonating squirrel-kind?
There are animals here in this very place who would disapprove...
Who would have me locked up alongside previous offenders...
That old lady who comes here dressed as a flock of black-birds...
The student who prefers to spend his weekends in badger colours...
It's the whiskers, you see; the irresistible tickle of the bizarre...
Still, I cannot risk exposing my inner delights...
The Squirrel Police can't have me for thinking such things now, can they?
So I sit here in the garden and I wait; keen to see what may occur next!
I sit and I stare.., I forget to check my phone - I forget to check the time...
Ultimately I am here for escape; awaiting company...
In time it will come; a bony hand will reach out for mine -
Or maybe a kindly apparition will whisper in my ear...
Together we will sit in silence and I will remain... 
My loneliness gone...
My escape complete...

SQUIRREL-DRAG AND KINDLY APPARITIONS and all content of this blog are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015...

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

A GRAVE SITUATION...

SOMETHING NEW - MAY 2015...

Hello beasties...

This time I'm going to share with you a few photos from a walk to Brookwood cemetery that I did with Toby over May bank holiday, 04/05/2015 - and then a piece I wrote on my return. It's a slightly macabre story about revenge from beyond the grave. I do hope it won't depress you too much!



Next time I hope to be able to give you a bit more definite news about the POETIQUETTE re-issue or the fourth and final season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, including release dates. I also have some trips planned towards the end of the month and at the beginning of June which may or may not influence what I write. That said, I still have my bad leg, so I'm not even sure I'll be taking the trips... Only time will tell! At the moment, as far as writing any new books of poetry and short stories are concerned - once A YETI WAY OF THINKING is published later this year - I am probably going to publish most of my new short pieces of writing on this blog and then collect them together into a book once I feel I have enough new material.

Enjoy the story, it's called LOOKING DOWN ON ME - the first draft was written on the same day as my trip to Brookwood - and then was completed and slightly revised today, Tuesday the 5th May 2015.

More soon! Take care...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


LOOKING DOWN ON ME...

There at my funeral; looking down on me...
My friends - my loved ones...
Even one or two people from work -
Who I knew were only there to represent my department...
Being there was nobody's idea of fun; least of all mine.
So, it was nice of them all to come;
They could have been drinking tea or vacuuming.
But staring at that mound of earth cannot bring me back...
That stone is not me - it is merely my memorial...
That body below ground is just the shell I once called home.
This space is just somewhere for them to place flowers...
Somewhere for them to stand and say the words they needed to say...
Don't think I don't appreciate them...
I do. I really do.
I hear every word - even what Miss Jones from accounts said about me being a bit of a git.
She wasn't wrong, I could be.
After all, I was never the sort of person that people much liked.
I could be a bastard; grumpy, cantankerous, stubborn, even unkind...
But I could be generous, occasionally funny - handsome, also modest...
I know some of those at the funeral felt guilty, but they did not kill me...
I can forgive them for not calling...
I can forgive those who had stopped caring...
I can forgive them all for rarely stopping by...
But I won't forgive the one who put me where I am now...
Who never once came to pay his respects...
Too busy making himself out to be the victim of the whole event...
"He just ran out in front of me, officer - I didn't have a chance..."
The man is a liar who cares only for his own situation; serving time for manslaughter.
Others may already have forgiven him on my behalf...
Sat face to face with him and asked for a full confession...
I wonder, when it happened were there crocodile tears? 
Or simply a shrug; incoherent muttering.
None of this does me any good; am I meant to accept it and sigh...
As so many others who once knew me now find themselves doing... 
I need to know if there was more to all this than careless driving...
I have become obsessed with a theory - that all this was planned...
Had I wronged him somehow - done so and not even realised?
Had I stolen the love of his life from under his nose and never known it...
It would make more sense to me to know that it was more than just an accident...
Well, he'll be out soon and I will be waiting...
I will locate him, I will follow him and I will find out the truth...
Then - once I have my answer I will exact my own form of revenge...
I will push him, shove him off the platform edge or cliff-top...
I will pursue him - find those who hate him and convince them to help me...
Whisper in their ears, "Kill... Kill... Kill him.."
One day, one of them will listen...
Soon my killer will be killed and then he will know my torture...
Those who remember what he did will look down on his grave and secretly agree...
That the streets are now a safer place without him...


LOOKING DOWN ON ME... and all content of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

POETIQUETTE... COMING SOON!

NEW EDITION AVAILABLE IN MAY...

Hello beasties!

This post I'm going to remind you of the up and coming 10th anniversary reissue of POETIQUETTE that I am aiming to have ready by May; although I've been slowed down a bit by a bad leg this last month so there may be some delay. You wouldn't think a bad leg could scupper something produced via the internet, now would you? Well, that's only because bits of the book are in one location and bits of the book are in another location and I can't get between the two right at the moment.

Okay... Having explained that, I've not got a lot more to add other than to say that I am busy with all my projects - mainly working on scripts for THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, HOT STUFF! and KENSINGTON GORE, which are all coming along nicely... There is even a photo someone in this post of an idea that suddenly came to me for one of the scripts that I ended up scribbling down on the back on a used train ticket! Now, if that's not a good example of recycling then I don't know what is?!

The rest of this post is made up of a mixture of photos from my last few weeks. Cats, graveyard, pot-plants and the usual selfies taken as I've hobbled down to the shops with my bad leg. All that and a poem from the 10th anniversary re-issue of POETIQUETTE.












Coming up at the end of this blog is a poem called CAKE AND EAT IT... from POETIQUETTE. It's daft. I hope you enjoy it!

Next time I aim not to be hobbling around this blog - I'm not sure yet what are of my writing that I'll be typing about... Should I leave on a cliff-hanger? *falls off cliff* There, you go...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

CAKE AND EAT IT…

I want my cake and eat it!!
Well, that's surely what it's for!!
Don’t wanna sit and stare at it…
No, what I wanna do is GNAW!!!
What’s the point of simply hoarding it?
Or in doing what I’m told!?
Where’s the sense in merely leaving it;
Until it’s nothing more than mould!?
 
I might have my cake and share it -
Kick those shoes off for a chat!
Cosy up here with a Battenberg;
Yeah, I’ll have a bit of that!
But then if I make to share it –
Won't it vanish in a trice?
You lot would surely gobble it…
No, never leave a single slice!
 
I might have my cake and freeze it!
Keep it safe another day…
Catch it now and quickly chill it…
Yes, save if fresh, without delay!
Stick a lock upon my freezer –
Before I’m readying to leave…
Couldn’t trust, not even, one of you…
My poor cake you’d likely thieve…

Yes, I shall make my cake and bake it...
True! And keep it all to ME!!
Then stuff my face to bursting!
Washing down with pints of tea…
Yes, I’ll have my cake and eat it…
Don’t try a trick! D’you think I’m dumb!?
No, I shall not hide, nor share it…
This one is mine…
YES, EVERY CRUMB!!!


This post and all contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2015. CAKE AND EAT IT appears in the 10th anniversary edition of POETIQUETTE which will hopefully be released during May.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

MR SHY YETI INTERVIEWED...

AN EIGHTH SLIGHTLY-OVER 60 SECOND CHAT WITH SHY YETI

Here we have a recent interview between myself and Beargrrria’s top magazine for chat; THE GROWL GAZETTE. They know me over there due to my dubious connection with a certain Beargrrrian superstar named Charlie Grrr. This is the eighth time that they have interviewed me since 2011! They really MUST be short of people to speak to. This time I’m talking mainly about what the next few months hold in store and about my forthcoming collection – A YETI WAY OF THINKING and the 10th anniversary reissues of my collections, MUGSHOTS and POETIQUETTE. So, here’s what they asked and what I said in reply – straight from the yeti’s mouth, as it were!!!
 
Q. Welcome Mr Yeti!
 
A. Hello… It’s fantabulous to be back!
 
Q. First of all would you tell us what have you been working on recently?
 
A. As usual there are a number of projects… I’m very busy with my scripted series – finishing off the BEAST OF FRIEND quartet and moving on to various stand-alone spinoffs. There are two Mouse projects that I’m focussed on and also three books of poetry, two reissues and one new collection, A YETI WAY OF THINKING, which has been awaiting publication for a some time; ready except for the formatting and proofreading…
 
Q. Tell us more about the scripts…
 
A. Well, I’ve recently published the third season of my BEAST OF FRIENDS series with the fourth and final season due out in the summer. There is also a movie script-book of the BEAST OF FRIENDS still to come – called YETI DON’T FALL BACKWARDS, but that won’t be out until after season four; probably later this year. The movie is actually set towards the end of season two as a sort of missing adventure and is set in Venice, where I also wrote a number of the scenes during my birthday holiday there in November 2014. I’ve also got two spin-off series that I’ve been working on since last year: HOT STUFF!! and KENSINGTON GORE. I’m already working on the later stages of their second seasons and moving on to their third seasons, whilst proofing the season one script books. HOT STUFF!! is set in a library and KENSINGTON GORE is set in a particularly creepy area of London near The Royal Albert Hall. I don’t want to say too much more about these two yet as I risk giving away some twists about the fourth season of BEAST OF FRIENDS which won’t be published for another month or three. Needless to say I’ve been very much enjoying writing the script-books and they have become my primary writing projects over the last eighteen months.
 
Q. How long does each script-book take to write?
 
A. That really seems to depend on my own enthusiasm and what other projects that I might be working on at the same time. The first two seasons of BEAST took quite a while to complete – whereas I’ve managed to complete four or five different seasons of script-book in draft form in the last 12 months; but it’s the rewriting, formatting and proofing that takes the real time. I may be rather prolific but I want everything to look and sound as right as is possible before I publish them.
 
Q. Can you tell us about some of the characters involved in the script series – which are your favourites to write for?
 
A. It’s been quite interesting actually; the more I’ve written for some of the characters the more I’ve enjoyed writing them – and some of them started off in quite minor roles. As you'd expect the scripts are full of werewolves and witches and whatever – but don’t worry, they’re just like us but with the odd special power on occasionally. They still have to work and pay bills and battle unsociable and evil vampires (who aren’t afraid of the sun really and often do have reflections after all!)
 
I also enjoyed writing lines for two of my favourite older characters – Charlie Grrr and Simon Yeti who often pop up in Mouse of Commons novels… They’re just so terribly selfish which makes them a delight to write for because they function on a completely different ethical plain from most people; they’re not even deliberately nasty even if their decisions result in something nasty occurring. In a way, it’s just a sort of terrible innocence… I’m writing about them in two different projects – one is the latest Mouse Of Commons novel where they are arguing over who should get to use a time machine and in the BEAST OF FRIENDS movie script Charlie’s latest project is the reason that the main cast arrive in Venice. Simon and Charlie are pretty dreadful in this script – but there is one scene where they are found in a lead-lined room being quite nice; apparently being stubborn is just an act which they have to live up to. In a lead-lined room where nobody can see them they are able to be calm,  reasonable and kind – but only for the time that they are in the room! It’s daft stuff and probably my favourite way to spend a spare hour! Sometimes I make myself giggle because I'm getting to write such nonsense... What an egotist, right!? I’m nearly as bad as Charlie and Simon…
 
Two of the characters that I’ve enjoyed writing for recently are actually relatively non-hairy – one of them is called Ashley and the other, Felix…  Ashley is the mother of one of the characters from BEAST and she also appears in KENSINGTON GORE and HOT STUFF!! She started out being an overly demanding mother – showed a quite immoral side, but then has tried to make amends. She’s still not somebody who you should really trust – and you certainly need to be wary of her motives; which is why writing her is such fun. As for Felix, he was the handyman in season one of HOT STUFF!! and if anything I was guilty of under-writing him in the first drafts - in fact I completely forgot about him about half way through that season. I was only as I began to write season two that his role truly clicked for me and I was lucky enough to be able to go back and tweak the first season draft as it wasn't yet published. In season two Felix comes out of his shell and you realise that previously he was just existing, not living; in a different way to Ashley he has been an enjoyable character to write for.
 
Q. You’ve not published a Mouse Of Commons book in a while... Can you tell us about the ones that you’re working on?
 
A. Most certainly. One of them is a book of three short stories written by hand almost ten years ago – one set in Venice, one in London and one in Amsterdam. The book’s title is THREE TAILS ARE BETTER THAN ONE and I’ve typed up about half of it from notes so far – of the two this is probably the book that will be ready first as the actual hard work of writing the stories is complete. The second book is called THE SPLINTERS OF TIME and it’s the sequel to the last Mouse novel, GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM – it’s over half-way written, but it may still be some time before it’s completed. As it happens a number of characters from the Mouse stories have crossed series and have been appearing in some of my recent scripts – among them are Charlie Grrr, Simon Yeti, Tula Swiss and Fatima the Fantabulous.
 
Q. What about the poetry re-issue projects? Where have you reached with that?
 
A. I’m doing very well – POETIQUETTE is due to be published in May and that is the last of my original eight of my books that I wanted to republish on www.lulu.com separately. It’s nice to know that this project is now complete… The next step is to decide whether the 9th and 10th books need a little make-over. POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL and RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR were the first two books that I wrote specifically to go onto Lulu.com – although they are not quite the same in design as the volumes that followed them. I’m going to have a think – and could still do some kind of 10th anniversary editions for those volumes in 2016 and 2017.
 
Q. Are you still working on new poetry? When will A YETI WAY OF THINKING be ready?
 
A. I hadn’t really completed a poem in some time – but did do one for Valentine’s Day this year when I wrote a piece called LOVERS DON’T LIVE LONGER to post up on my blog in time for February 14th. I’ve written quite a few Valentine’s poems over the years and liked the idea of doing a new one this year – as I’ve not done so for some time. It probably won’t be appearing in A YETI WAY OF THINKING – but for now is on my blog at www.shyyeti.com and is included at the back of the 10th anniversary edition of POETIQUETTE and in YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARD; the Beast Of Friends Movie Script-book. As for A YETI WAY OF THINKING, it is almost done – but the formatting is taking time as, until recently, it was on a computer of mine that I can only use at limited times. I've reduced it in size slightly and have been writing brief commentaries for each piece - so hopefully it'll be finished by the summer. As for writing new poems I won't be rushing to put together another collection for a while - but I have plenty of ideas to work on in my own time. I'd also like to write pieces for my blog, inspired by trips away and particular high-days and holidays. In addition to that I’m considering expanding my SHY YETI GOES WILD mini-compilation from a few years ago.
 
Q. Will there be any poetry shows in 2015? What about Shy Yeti videos?
 
A. I really hope so… The Poetry Café only books three months ahead now so I am waiting until I have exact dates for the releases of POETIQUETTE and A YETI WAY OF THINKING before approaching them for dates, as I may only do two shows this year; but we'll see. As far as Shy Yeti videos are concerned I still have a lot of footage filmed – but not the technology or patience to put it together at the moment. Maybe when I have slightly more time…
 
Q. Have any of your recent writings been inspired by your travels? Are you going away anywhere this year which you hope will inspire you?
 
A. The travel writing doesn’t always work as well as it could – because the stories that I write are much more focussed on dialogue and plot than on setting. Even in KENSINGTON GORE which does use the area around The Royal Albert Hall or the BEAST movie which is set in Venice – it wouldn’t take a great deal to adapt the story to any other major city. The Venice script only had a few short scenes actually written there with the majority of the piece written in London. I guess it doesn’t matter in a way, it’s fun to have a story set somewhere new – even if the story isn’t overly dependent on that setting.
 
As far as trips away are concerned there is certainly the potential that I could set a script overseas – or write a short story or poem inspired by my travels. So far in 2015 I have trips to Lisbon, Belfast and the Lake District planned – with a week in Berlin already taken in March. The Berlin trip was great fun, although my health was slightly hampered at the time. I did, however, write a short story whilst I was out there that I posted on my blog along with some of my holiday snaps and may well do something similar next time I'm away.
 
Q. That's good news. Thank you for answering our questions, Mr Yeti.
 
A. That's okay.
 

So, there you have it! I'm not sure what my next post will be about - but I hope I'll be back with something soon!

Yeti hugs, Paul xx
 
This post and all content is Copyright Paul Chandler 2015.
 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

MR YETI VISITS BERLIN...


MY HOLIDAY SNAPS - AND A NEW STORY...

Dear beasties,

This post is going to be all about my recent trip to Berlin - I was last here in the summer of 2004, but I'm not sure I had much time to write and I certainly didn't own a digital camera at the time. On this occasion things were slightly different and I have a bit of both to share with you The story is based on something that my boyfriend, Toby, saw when we were away and it is called CARROT... CAKE. It was written on the 5th March 2015 and will appear at the end of this post and may at some stage make an appearance in one of my books - but, for now, it is available here!!

MY BERLIN PHOTO GALLERY







Next time I will probably be posting a recent interview with THE BEARGRRRIAN GAZETTE concerning what I've been working on recently and which of my projects will be released next.

More soon - take care...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

CARROT... CAKE.

People watching is one of my favourite things, although I'm not sure if what I was watching on this occasion really counts as a person.

It was more... a carrot.

Well, a man dressed as a carrot I suppose - for I knew this to be the case as I could see his eyes peering out at me from inside the costume. His dark brown eyes, were almost accusing in their gaze, but it was hard to read any true emotion in them. I looked away, aware that I had been staring for some time - poised to sip my coffee but not yet having managed to complete the motion. When you people-watch it is inevitable that you may end up mentally undressing your subjects, but on this occasion that would just have been weird. I'm not sure quite what I'd have felt had it been confirmed to me that he was, indeed, 100% vegetable.

I continued to eat my cherry tart, attempting to drink my coffee - there in a café in the zoo district of Berlin. I'd spent a busy morning in the Neues museum - the building itself had been as much a treasure as the many treasures found within it; lunch had been delicious too - potato soup with wurstchen sausage and a spicy beef wrap. I'm ashamed to say that I had polished both off without any trouble. My afternoon had been spent in the Ka De We department store and I dread to think how much money I had parted with there. I think I'd probably scared myself slightly at how many bags I had accrued and so had aborted my shopping mission, before I had even reached the food hall or restaurant; the cakes would probably have been something very special.

I might even have seen a carrot - perhaps the one in the arcade was even an escapee?

Now at a distance from my earlier shopping temptation I was happy to bide my time at an alternative coffee place, known as Einstein's.

The carrot remained a mystery of sorts - quite how it related to Germany or Berlin or even to one of the stores within the "Bikini"shopping arcade I really had no idea. It did not appear to be promoting anything, nor broadcast any crucial message - in fact it was completely silent accept for the rustle of its greenery.

I saw it again the following morning - well, I presume it was the same one - it was taking photos by the Brandenberg Gate and on this occasion it appeared to be wearing a bandana.

I guess even carrots need to take a holiday sometimes.

All content of this post remains the copyright of Paul Chandler, 2015.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

COMING SOON - YOU COOL CATS...

THE 10TH ANNIVERSARY OF "POETIQUETTE..."


Hello beasties,

To celebrate the upcoming 10th anniversary of POETIQUETTE I'm posting you a poem about a cat... Sorry dog-lovers... I was writing this book around the time that Deeley came to live with me, so he inspired this one...

NEW KITTY SIDEKICK…


I’ve got a new kitty sidekick…
A kitten full of PURRRR!
Took a while to work out prop’ly –
Whether t’was a him or her…
Could he be a kitten angel?
Seems he’s quite immune to lice!
He does these picture postcard poses!
Keeps his whiskers really nice…
See him hanging from the curtains…
Well, a kitten’s gotta climb!
Could I maybe teach him housework!
‘Coz he’s surely got the time!
He’s so choosy with his dinners –
Now he’s off his mother’s teats!
Only seems to like the high-life;
Expensive caviar for treats!
He could become a catnip addict!
You’ll come a cropper to his paws!
He may grow up to be a tiger!
‘Coz he doesn’t mew – he ROARS!!

I’ve got a new kitty sidekick…
A tiny kitten full of perk…
Round my feet he likes to wander…
On my shoulder there does lurk!
Really fussy with his collar –
Doesn’t care quite what I think!
He no longer wears the ermine –
Now only trolls around in MINK!
Yes, he’s my loveable puss playmate;
Seems I’ve forgotten all my friends…
But it’s the way my kitten likes it –
Now my social life soon ends!
From the expressions that he gives me!
Spelt out clearly – plain advice…
A rabbit’s head upon my pillow –
Or just a dozen rotten mice…
Yes, this puts his point across now…
It’s just occurred to me, “HOW QUICK!”
It is I who’s his companion…
Yes, it is me – HIS new side-kick…


...And here he is! The purry fellow himself in February 2015!!


I should add that Deeley has become a bit of a prima donna lately and only allows Toby to photograph him! So thanks to Toby for passing on the photos to me!
 
Next time I may have some photos from my Berlin trip and maybe another a poem - either an old one or a brand new one... We shall see!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx



This post and all written contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015. NEW KITTEN SIDE-KICK appears in his book, POETIQUETTE, which is due to be re-released in a 10th anniversary edition during May 2015. All photos are Copyright Toby W., 2015.

Friday, February 13, 2015

VALENTINE'S DAY ON FRIDAY THE 13TH...

A NEW POEM FOR A SPECIAL DAY...

Hello beasties!

I'm quite excited about this post - it won't be a long one, but it's a post to celebrate a special day - which is Valentine's Day On Friday the 13th... Yes, it's a day before Valentine's Day proper - but that sort of fits with my bleaker view of Valentine's. Even when I'm in a happy relationship like I am now there are always other couples that we see and think - get a room! Some people just really over-do the whole romance business and the whole world (or at least any of it that enters their orbit) have to put up with it. I won't say any more for now - here's the poem...

LOVERS DON’T LIVE LONGER…


Lovers don't live longer...
Lovers should not sit and sneer...
No, it is not for them to judge us!
We're never gonna disappear!
They seem to think that being two -
Makes them some higher form of being!
But if they've got a halo on -
Then it's not something that we're seein'!
Lovers may think they're amazing!
Lovers may think that they rock...
But they can still look quite a sight -
With dreadful dress sense best to mock!
For being loved up doesn't mean -
That you're a target for applause! 
You're still as messed up as we are...
With just as many foolish flaws!
 
Lovers don't live longer...
Lovers often lose their minds...
We're very happy for your news...
But now we’re closing down the blinds!
For yes, that's it, no more to tell...
Your jolly news now it has ended...
A few of us now feel quite sick -
But that's not what you had intended!
Lovers may think their love rules...
Lovers may just not have a clue...
That soapy stories of romance -
Can make folk sad and this is true...
For being loved up shows the world -
That you are happy when they’re not...
But when you rub it in their face -
They may well cry AND find you hot!
 
Lovers don’t live longer…
Lovers should not look so smug…
They can still be shot by Martians -
Or can ingest some deadly drug!
Their freaky love will not protect them -
Now does this really need explaining?
Love is not a suit of armour from -
Every hell hound who’s in training...
Lovers may think they are holy…
Lovers may think they are tough…
But they can still be burnt by dragons –
Yes, get all frazzled - out of puff…
For being loved up is no license -
To strut about like you are blessed!
Lovers, you are the same as us... 
You DID NOT pass some special test!
 
Lovers don’t live longer…
Lovers should not lose their heads...
We're very happy for your news...
But won't invite you to our beds!
We do not need to hear your chat or -
Know the name of who you're bagging...
It may be time to make a stand -
It may be time to stage a gagging...
Lovers, please don't look upset...
No lovers, please don't shed a tear...
But we don’t really need to know...
Especially not this time of year...
This Valentine’s I’ll date a cake -
Get nice and sticky for a start...
Then when those kisses turn to crumbs -
I’ll have my very own sweet heart!

This is the first Valentine’s poem that I have written in several years and I got the idea to try and write a new one partly because I'd not completed a new poem for a while (and this is my first for 2015) and partly because I was working on the 10th anniversary re-issue of POETIQUETTE which includes a couple of Valentine’s poems written exactly ten years before; in fact I've decided to add this piece to the end of the new edition of POETIQUETTE rather than in my next full collection, A YETI WAY OF THINKING. As I said at the top of the post LOVERS DON'T LIVE LONGER… could possibly be described as a Friday The 13th Valentine’s poem as it’s quite anti all lovers out there! I wrote this poem between the 5th and 11th of February 2015 - it was partially inspired by an ABBA song called Lovers from their 1979 Voulez Vous album. The song, an album track, claims that "Lovers live a little longer..." - and this poems kind of refutes that. It's a great little song - and here it is: http://youtu.be/rJwfNwWYMgk or live at: http://youtu.be/bAz0eb5y_Tc

Talking of clips - here are two of my own Youtube videos that fit this time of year...

UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE: http://youtu.be/8qpVotTW-Og

SHY YETI'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL: http://youtu.be/FhR_PljZay8

I hope you enjoyed the new poem... Next time, well - I'm not sure what we'll be discussing... I am off to Berlin in less than a month, so I may have something to share with you from that trip; we shall see!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2015. LOVERS DON'T LIVE LONGER will be included with the 10th anniversary release of POETIQUETTE which is due out in April/May this year. More news when we have it!