Wednesday, October 16, 2013

THE NEW BOOK IS OUT VERY SOON!

...AND HERE'S A PIECE FROM IT...

Hello beasties,

This week will be a quite quick post as I've still got a lot to finish for NOT AS SHY AS I WAS if I want to get it ready for release by the start of November - or end of October if I want to take copies with me overseas. Last week I did promise you a piece from the new collection, however and I intend to keep to my side of the bargain... I'm not sure what your side of the bargain was! Reading it, maybe!?

Next week I'll have a poem to share with you from the new collection...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS As far as new material is continued, this very day I completed a new poem called YOU'LL DO, which is sort of a related piece to my old poem WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40...) No prizes for guessing who has a significant birthday coming up, right?



COMING UNRAVELLED

 
It must have taken me almost six weeks to become completely unravelled…
 
But now I’m gone – all gone but for my two eyes – lying loose like old buttons!

I first noticed it the day of the picnic; after which we’d spent the majority of the afternoon on a long country walk picking blackberries. Those brambles must have been the culprits, the foul instigators of my initial damage.

Next morning, as I was showering, I glanced down as I washed and noticed a loose snag of thread that appeared to have broken at some stage. I must have stared at it for several minutes before gingerly taking it between my thumb and forefinger. I pulled, only gently, but there’s no denying that I did give that thread a little tug.

In retrospect, I’m not sure what I expected next – but what did happen was that more thread unravelled. I was horrified – it had never occurred to me that this might be the consequence of my earlier actions. I was so surprised that I simply pushed the errant bobble of wool back on itself rather than attempting to repair it immediately.
 
That was just the beginning, though – all week I was coming across further threads and soon a hole formed. It was like some kind of compulsion – for every broken thread that I uncovered I simply couldn’t leave it alone. Each time I would find myself gently pulling at it; unravelling more of myself on each occasion.
 
Six weeks… Six weeks was all it took and now here I lie; two lonely eyes and a loose pile of what had once been long strands of my own body… I guess I should count myself fortunate – for most people this would have been the end; but I have been given another chance. My mother will be here soon and has promised to knot my old eyes a new body and I shall enjoy watching my development as she does so.
 
“What do you want to look like?” she asked when last I saw her and it was only then that I realised the reality; that I was now presented with a choice.
 
I thought a while and then replied. “Make me the same – yet different…”
 
…And so my own dear mother has promised that she will do just that…
 
Only time will tell what she will make of me… Second time lucky!?!


Thanks to Toby Warburton for the photos and to Adam M Botford from www.adambotsford.com for the artwork. This post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2013




Thursday, October 10, 2013

LOOKING AHEAD TO... 2!!

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS - THE PROSE

Hello beasties...

The other week I revealed the titles from my NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection. Last week we looked at the poems and this week we're going to look, in greater depth, at the prose from the new book...

AUNTIE ASTRID GOES TO GERMANY...

The return of Auntie Astrid - this time advising people in Germany!

AT THE STRIKE OF MIDNIGHT...

Midnight brings with it many things and one of these things is a new beginning...

AUTUMN’S COMING

A close encounter... with autumn.

THE BRIDGE

Something lurks underneath the bridge... This was included in a book for Salisbury Writer's Circle back in the late 1980s when I was still at school.

COMING UNRAVELLED

A short story about a life coming unravelled - quite literally!

CRACKING THE CRACKLESS EGG

This is a story that I wrote back in the early 1990s about a detective called Roland Quaverall. He really does get involved in some very odd adventures.

DANCING KEEPS YOU YOUNG

Sometimes dancing can really tire you out - or mysteriously revive you!

DIFFICULT SECOND ALBUM

Sometimes the follow-up to a success can be hard to surpass... Sometimes it can go with a bang!

A DOLL’S LIFE

Not all dolls live out a happy life - some must go where their owners go - no matter how final.

THE FALL-OUT SHELTER

A group of celebrities are selected to survive alongside MPs after a nuclear war and discover that they really rather like!

GOTH’S DAY OFF

Sometimes even a goth needs a day off from all the doom and gloom!

A HUGE DECISION

A man who has faked his own death has to make a huge decision... whether to return to his old life!

JACK FROST’S CHILLI DIET

Jack Frost discovers that chilli is far from a cold alternative to hot food!

“JIIIIIIIIIIIM!?”

A face from the past causes problems for an assassin on the very day he intends to begin a new life.

A JOB AT THE COUNCIL

Crowd control is a big industry - but achieving it isn't always conventional!

THE LEAK

Sometimes it's very difficult to get a leak fixed - especially if there is something nasty "living" down in the cellar.

A LITTLE COMPANY

Sometimes when you're lonely a trip to the cinema gives you company - even when it's a horror movie!

LOVES A GOOD CURRY

Sometimes the best way to disguise heartbreak is to eat curry; especially if you're a bit of a tough bloke.

MANDATORY TRAINING

Some people hate training... Some people love it so much that they'll do your training for you!

THE MELTING SNOWMAN

Sometimes when a snowman melts something horrible is revealed lurking beneath the snow...

MIST YOU

Within the mist a meeting takes place that brings back many happy memories... from the dead.

MY BAGGAGE AND THE BEAST

It's amazing what some people get away with carrying in their hand luggage when the fly overseas. Amazing and potentially dangerous... and hungry!

A NICE HOT BATH

There's nothing more relaxing that a nice hot bath... But some baths are just TOO hot!

ON THE EDGE

Living life on the edge isn't always what it seems to be!

PATIENCE IS THE KEY

Sometimes patience pays... Sometimes it really doesn't!

QUEEN OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

Sometimes it is possible to bring the past right into the present... with a little preparation.

SAMSON’S UNRULY STREAK

Samson used to be a very mild-mannered kitten... but then things changed.

SHE’S OUR BOSS

Not everyone applauds when their boss leaves the business - sometimes their employees follow them to the ends of the earth...

SPRITELY AND STATUESQUE

This story is about a statue and an unwanted admirer...

VISION

Jeff isn't the biggest fan ever of his wife's paintings - but he finds a new way of appreciating them.

WHAT LIES WITHIN...

When Arthur hears that they are about to blow up the cooling towers he wonders what might lie beneath.

WHEN TODAY’S MODERN ARTISTS ARE NO LONGER MODERN

This piece wonders what the masterpieces of the old school might make of the arrival on the scene of modern art, once it is no longer modern!

 A YOUNG HEAD ON OLD SHOULDERS

When I was young I felt like a old head on young shoulders - now I am nearly 40 I am beginning to feel the reverse!

ZOMBIE FLICKS ARE THE NEW ROM-COM

There seem to be all manner of films involving zombies these days - here are just a few of the more unlikely ones!!

As far as any other news is concerned, I recently performed my poem JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU at my friend Harry's Civil Partnership. I have known Harry since my school days and it was a great pleasure to read this (really very appropriate) piece on request whilst wearing my best man hat... Quite literally!

Next week I'll be sharing with you a piece from NOT AS SHY AS I WAS...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS Thanks to Toby Warburton for both of the photos used in this post.


This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2013.




Tuesday, October 01, 2013

LOOKING AHEAD TO...

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS - THE POEMS

Hello beasties...

Last week I revealed the titles from my NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection. This week we're going to look, in greater depth, at the poems from the new book...

ANOTHER YETI POEM

This pretty much does what it says on the tin - it's another yeti poem and one I can perform during shows.

THE BALLAD OF DEAD-EYED BOB...

This one was written in Broadstairs during summer 2012. Dead-eyed Bob is quite a boring sort of fellow - but who suffers most, us or him!?

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS (A POEM)

A poem that I wrote to go with my series of scripts of the same name.

BEE-SOTTED

A rather daft poem about a rather adoring bee. My flat-mate, Calum, gave me the idea for this one!

BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE

A little dig at the summer - this one is over a year old and was actually inspired by the summer 2012.

COME FOR TEA

An invitation to tea is not one to be taken lightly!

DRUNK ELK

As daft as this piece may seem it is actually based on a true story that I read in the papers!

AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Taking an old expression literally often results in a quite daft little ditty!

EVIL IVY

Evil Ivy is not to be messed with...

FROM WHERE I STAND...

Everyone's perception of events is different... although obviously I am always right!

GLAMOUR, AT ALL TIMES

It's a perfectly good rule to keep to!

HELLO! HELLO! I’M HALLOWEEN...

A Halloween poem written for the 2012 Shy Yeti On Location Special...

I AM SICK (BUT DO I WANNA BE CURED?)

It's a good question - some sicknesses are better than others!

I’M A JELLY-FISH...

This in an autobiographical poem... of course!

I CLEANED OUT MY DIRTY MIND...

...and it's still filthy! This isn't about me... No, it's about a friend of mine. She's dreadful!

IF I CAN’T HAVE A BULLDOG...

...Then I'm pretty much going on strike!

I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY (A SONG)

I'm fond of this one! It's a song that I wrote lyrics and a tune for whilst down in Broadstairs during summer 2012! There are videos to prove it too!

I THINK I USED TO BE A DOG

A poem about reincarnation and pets! Yay!

IT WAS ME...

Taking the blame is sometimes the best thing to do...

THE MAN-EATER OF SURREY GREEN

This is named after an old black and white episode of The Avengers!

MINE OWN MINOTAUR (A SONG)

Love can be found in the strangest of places!

MISTER MOSQUITO

Mister Mosquito meets his match...

MORE IS NOT ALWAYS MORE

Sometimes less can be more!

NATIONAL TREASURE

National Treasures are not always appreciated...

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS...

This is almost an autobiographical poem - once upon a time I was shy, but now I'm a little bit less shy!

SHAVING WEREWOLVES

A poem about werewolves and how they get their hair cut!

SOMETHING’S UP WITH ROCKY LOBSTER

This is the story of Rocky Lobster - the world's first zombie lobster!

A TART IN PRUDE’S CLOTHING

Can you be a tart and a prude at the same time? I guess it's possible - but can lead to confusion!

THE TRUTH ABOUT CAKE

There are a lot of things that remain secret about cake... These things must be revealed!

A UNICORN AT BREAKFAST

A unicorn at breakfast is definitely quite an odd thing to encounter...

A WAKE-UP CALL

This poem plays on the phrase "wake-up call" and gets increasingly sinister and strange as it develops.

THE WALKING SEQUIN

A piece about someone named "The Walking Sequin" who is so bright that you have to wear sunglasses to look at her.

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST

This poem was written for the Civil Partnership of my friends Glyn and David and I read it for them on their big day.

WE’RE ALL JUST BRAINS...

This piece looks at us from the point of view that we are all just brains inside a living, breathing container that transports it about.

WIGS AND CO...

A poem that includes all that you ever wanted to know about wigs... True!

THE WORLD’S BEST WORSTEST DANCER

Sometimes being bad at something can actually be an advantage!

THE WORLD IS FULL OF BULLIES

I'm not a fan of bullies. I've met one or two in my time. This poem shows how to deal with them!

A YETI IN A HAT

One of the oldest pieces in this collection - it's all about what a yeti keeps under his hat!

YOUR CAKE-ADDLED MIND

Cake is exactly the sort of thing that cab addle your mind!

Next week, as promised, we'll be looking in more detail at the new prose pieces from NOT AS SHY AS I WAS...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS Thanks to Toby Warburton for two of the photos used in this post.

This post and all contents (except TW's photos) are Copyright Paul Chandler 2013

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

COMING UP - OCTOBER UNTIL DECEMBER 2013...

UPDATE ON NOT AS SHY AS I WAS... AND OTHER AUTUMNAL GOODIES!!

Hello beasties...

This week we're going to be looking into what's coming up in the last three months of 2013 in the world of yeti...

But firstly, I posted a new video last week, around the same time that I posted the review of last week's show - but I thought I'd remind you of the exact links, which are as follows:

This film comes from Shy Yeti's AUTUMNAL CREEPINESS SHOW which took place on Friday 13th September 2013 at The Poetry Cafe, London to celebrate 10 years of his collection, THE AUTUMNAL E.P. Poems include: SASSY MISS SASQUATCH, A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS, SHE LIED TO HIM, I WANT YOU NOW... and THE DREADED LURGY. Special guests included John Smallshaw and Wilfredo who also appear in the video. Camera and Editing: Paul Chandler. Music: Luca. The film and its contents are copyright the performers, 2013. Beware excessive mentioning of bee-hive hairdos! There will be more videos - live and on location - coming soon!

Youtube: http://youtu.be/We5yzRhVUVo

Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/74708436

So... Moving onto the last three months of 2013 and what I have planned coming up...

OCTOBER

Hopefully I'll move on a bit further with my editing - I'd certainly like to get the 2012 lake District episodes out before the end of the year; failing that maybe another live video and perhaps a video from my 2013 trip to The States. My old laptop is beginning to struggle now - I know how it feels - and editing on my newer laptop isn't really my idea of fun.

My main plan for October is to complete work on NOT AS SHY AS I WAS... I'm working on formatting the "comments" and blog section of the book and hoping to get a few other pieces double proof-read before I go away! I'm definitely aiming to have a copy of the book with me when I go away to Florence and Nice - but if needs be the release date might be closer to the date of my November Poetry Cafe show on 29th November, rather than my birthday - which is the 10th.

I did publish these back in February this uear when I was hoping the book might be out by the summer... The only change since then is that I've removed an older piece from the late 90s called TOUCHWOOD (A MONOLOGUE) which is quite long and which I'll save for another volume.

ANOTHER YETI POEM
AUNTIE ASTRID GOES TO GERMANY...

AT THE STRIKE OF MIDNIGHT...
AUTUMN’S COMING
THE BALLAD OF DEAD-EYED BOB...
THE BEAST OF FRIENDS (A POEM)
BEE-SOTTED
THE BRIDGE
BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE
COME FOR TEA
COMING UNRAVELLED
CRACKING THE CRACKLESS EGG
DANCING KEEPS YOU YOUNG
DIFFICULT SECOND ALBUM
A DOLL’S LIFE
DRUNK ELK
AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
EVIL IVY
THE FALL-OUT SHELTER
FOR ALL TO SEE...
FROM WHERE I STAND...
GLAMOUR, AT ALL TIMES
GOTH’S DAY OFF
HELLO! HELLO! I’M HALLOWEEN...
A HUGE DECISION
I AM SICK (BUT DO I WANNA BE CURED?)
I’M A JELLY-FISH...
I CLEANED OUT MY DIRTY MIND...
IF I CAN’T HAVE A BULLDOG...
I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY (A SONG)
I THINK I USED TO BE A DOG
IT WAS ME...
JACK FROST’S CHILLI DIET
“JIIIIIIIIIIIM!?”
A JOB AT THE COUNCIL
THE LEAK
A LITTLE COMPANY
LOVES A GOOD CURRY
THE MAN-EATER OF SURREY GREEN
MANDATORY TRAINING
THE MELTING SNOWMAN
MINE OWN MINOTAUR (A SONG)
MISTER MOSQUITO
MIST YOU
MORE IS NOT ALWAYS MORE
MY BAGGAGE AND THE BEAST
NATIONAL TREASURE
A NICE HOT BATH
NOT AS SHY AS I WAS...
ON THE EDGE
PATIENCE IS THE KEY
QUEEN OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
SAMSON’S UNRULY STREAK
SHAVING WEREWOLVES
SHE’S OUR BOSS
SOMETHING’S UP WITH ROCKY LOBSTER
SPRITELY AND STATUESQUE
A TART IN PRUDE’S CLOTHING
THE TRUTH ABOUT CAKE
A UNICORN AT BREAKFAST
VISION
A WAKE-UP CALL
THE WALKING SEQUIN
THE WEDDING BREAKFAST
WE’RE ALL JUST BRAINS...
WHAT LIES WITHIN...
WHEN TODAY’S MODERN ARTISTS ARE NO LONGER MODERN
WIGS AND CO...
THE WORLD’S BEST WORSTEST DANCER
THE WORLD IS FULL OF BULLIES
A YETI IN A HAT
A YOUNG HEAD ON OLD SHOULDERS
YOUR CAKE-ADDLED MIND
ZOMBIE FLICKS ARE THE NEW ROM-COM

I'll be writing more about the poems and stories in NOT AS SHY AS I WAS in the next couple of posts. Some of the poems I've been performing pretty much since the day they were written and many appeared in SHY YETI ON LOCATION films back in 2012.

NOVEMBER

Well, not to re-mention the release of NOT AS SHY AS I WAS... and the next Poetry Cafe show, which I already have - in November I'll also be going on location again.

I'll be off to Florence early in the month and will then be heading on to Nice... I've not really decided what I'll be reading, but it might well be something from NOT AS SHY... The first trip I'll have a few friends with me - so should also have the pick of the cameramen!! There should be plenty of photos from these trips - just as long as I don't accidentally press the delete button again... You know, I do have a bit of a history of doing that - especially around the time of my birthday.

DECEMBER

By December I'll probably have completed the 10th anniversary edition of LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) and I'll hopefully be drawing a line under the material that I want to include in my next book. I have 3 possible titles for this collection, but am going to let you people of online choose the one that I go with - finalising this will probably be one of my first projects of the new year.

There's a good chance that I'll be editing videos, not to mention I'm hoping to go away for new year; hopefully back to Swanage again... We shall see!

Next week, as promised, we'll be looking in more detail at the new pieces from NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, beginning with the poems...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS Paul Webster's excellent artwork for my THE BEAST OF FRIENDS... poem can be found on t-shirts at the following link:

http://www.redbubble.com/people/paulwebster/works/10611977-the-beast-of-friends


This post is copyright Paul Chandler 2013

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

HOW DID THE SHOW GO?

A CREEPY YETI BACK IN COVENT GARDEN!

Hello beasties!

This week I'm going to be reviewing last friday's Shy Yeti gig at the Poetry Cafe... Um. I guess I'd better get on with it!!

AUTUMNAL CREEPINESS!
THE AUTUMNAL E.P. -  (10th Anniversary)
POETRY CAFE - Friday 13/09/2013

"Tonight Halloween comes early to The Poetry Cafe! It Friday 13th! It's when the cool poets get creepy! I am literally EATING a cobweb!! X"
Shy Yeti Twitter post, 13/09/2013

*** All poems with an asterisk (*) were filmed during the evening and some will appear in future Shy Yeti videos.

FIRST HALF

SASSY MISS SASQUATCH *
A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS *
SHE LIED TO HIM *
THE SMALL PRINT *
SPANISH KISSES *
THE BALLAD OF THE MAD AXE MURDERER *

JOHN SMALLSHAW

WILFREDO!!

SECOND HALF

TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI *
DEAD MEN DON'T YAWN *
THE RESTAURANT CRITIC *
THE NEXT TRAIN DOES NOT CALL AT THIS STATION *
ANIMAL CRUELTY *
THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS *
I WANT YOU NOW... *
SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA *
THE DREADED LURGY *

JOHN SMALLSHAW

FILIP - OPEN-MIKE READER

BLUE EYED LOVER (GREEN EYED FREAK)
MONSTERS HAVE MANY FACES
LAID
SANDY FROM THE FUTURE
SUICIDAL PIGEON
MINE OWN MINOTAUR

Please note: The order of poems performed is as accurate as possible, but not all poems were recorded and my memory's not what it was! Some footage of both John Smallshaw and Wilfredo was also preserved.

THE AUTUMNAL E.P. AT THE POETRY CAFE
IN MORE DETAIL

FIRST HALF

SASSY MISS SASQUATCH

I didn't read so much in the first half of the show as we had two guests, one of them being the fabulous John Smallshaw and the other being the international superstar Wilfredo! Yes, we really are moving up in the world with the stars that we mingle with. Anyway, moving on... Because it was Friday 13th most of the poems that I read on the night were scary ones of one kind or another.

The first of the 21 poems that I read was a yeti poem and a new one at that. It was written in Portland in August and is called SASSY MISS SASQUATCH and is all about... Well, a sassy sasquatch, basically. It'll be published in next year's currently untitled collection.

A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS

This was one of a number that I read from my 2011 collection, THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE - one of my favourites from this time and one that I filmed for a Youtube video the same year.

SHE LIED TO HIM / THE SMALL PRINT

SHE LIED TO HIM is one that I recently rediscovered and have actually reimagined as a short story for my next collection. It was originally published in my collection LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED which celebrates its 10th anniversary in 2014.

THE SMALL PRINT is also from LOVESONGS and was well in need of a debut live performance. It's about not reading the small print on the agreement terms of a relationship and then regretting it later - but then finding a way to get one's own back.

SPANISH KISSES / THE BALLAD OF THE MAD AXE MURDERER

SPANISH KISSES is another poem from VAMPIRE COWS which I saw whilst I was searching for short stories from the collection to read and which I rather enjoyed reading. It's basically about "the horror of kissing!"

THE BALLAD OF THE MAD AXE MURDERER is another piece from VAMPIRE COWS about a mad man who murders axes. It's another completely daft poem which I've not read in a while - if ever, I forget.

JOHN SMALLSHAW

John read a mixture of old and new poems and had to extend his set slightly as Wilfredo was still busy primping himself; well - perfection takes time!

WILFREDO!!

As it happens this isn't the first time that Wilfredo has performed with John and I - in fact it was in the summer of 2011 when John and I first did a show together. He is an international star of stage and screen and on the night he wowed the audience with spoken word versions of some of his biggest hits, not to mention one of Leonard Cohen's popular tunes. I am hoping to edit a video from the night relatively soon and you'll be able to see both John and Wilfredo live and in action!

SECOND HALF

TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI

I read more in the second half, although we still managed a second guest reader. My first poem of the second half was another relatively recent yeti poem and one that I've already performed live and also recorded for a SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode, released early in 2013. It's due to be officially published in next year's currently untitled collection.

DEAD MEN DON'T YAWN / THE RESTAURANT CRITIC
THE NEXT TRAIN DOES NOT CALL AT THIS STATION

Three of my 100-word stories from VAMPIRE COWS which I read because of the Friday 13th connection. The first one is a straight horror about something living inside a severed head. The second is about a restaurant critic whose dinner gets its revenge on him. The third one is more of a comedy horror with a very bad pun at the end. I've read some of them at the cafe a couple of years back and they've also appeared in some of my yeti videos - it just seemed the perfect day to set some of them free again!

ANIMAL CRUELTY / THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS
I WANT YOU NOW... / SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA

The next four poems are from my AUTUMNAL E.P. 10th anniversary collection. I recorded a couple of these during my recent trip to Portland. The first poem is a silly poem about teasing animals, the second is about the life of an ant-sized celebrity called Tiny Elvis, the third is a relationship piece about a very indecisive lover and the final poem is one of my favourites about a character wishing his or her life was different.

THE DREADED LURGY

This is a very new poem, in fact its my newest completed poem - taking the phrase "dreaded lurgy" and turning it into a character, although in this piece he's rather a misunderstood fellow. It's not a million miles away from my poem THE BLACK-EYED GROWL, but THE DREADED LURGY is probably a little more unhealthy and germ-ridden.

JOHN SMALLSHAW

John came up to the stage at this point and read a few more old favourites.

FILIP - OPEN-MIKE READER

We then had an open-mike reader at this stage called Filip. Making his Poetry Cafe debut, he was reading creepy and funny lyrics from songs that he had written - one which concerned a werewolf and which fitted in very well with the Friday 13th setting.

BLUE EYED LOVER (GREEN EYED FREAK)

My last poem from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. of the night and one that I've read and performed quite a bit over the years. It's all about falling in love with a bit of a psycho. Who says I'm not a romantic person!?!

MONSTERS HAVE MANY FACES / LAID

Another 100-word story from VAMPIRE COWS, this one all about a monster meeting his match in the women of the W.I.

SANDY FROM THE FUTURE / SUICIDAL PIGEON

These two are two really new poems that won't be published until next year. SANDY FROM THE FUTURE was inspired by a conversation I overheard during my recent trip to Portland and is about a lady from the future who likes to visit us in the present day. The title reminds me of a B-52s song which is fitting as I'd only just seen them live in London just before flying out to the States.

SUICIDAL PIGEON was inspired by Toby, who has helped me film some of my recent videos. He'd told me a story about seeing a pigeon on a railway track that looked kind of "suicidal" and so I wrote him an ode to try and make him reconsider his actions. I'm very pleased with the final line of this one, especially.

MINE OWN MINOTAUR

The last poem of the evening is more of a song lyric and comes from my next collection, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, which should be out in early November. It's basically a love song to minotaur - exactly what the evening needed to end on another high note!

The poems that I read came from the following collections:

*THE AUTUMNAL E.P.
*LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED
*THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE
*NOT AS SHY AS I WAS
*UNTITLED 2014 COLLECTION


I actually have about 3 titles for the "untitled" project, but I'm going to get my readers to choose the title nearer the time.

Poems that missed being performed BORN WITHOUT A FUNNY BONE, MY BACON-FLAVOURED BABY, PEGGY SUE'S PET TUMBLEWEED, FENIX FROM THE FLAME, IF YOU WERE MY WIFE, BRAIN BOX, THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS, GRANNY ATE MY AFTERBIRTH, CEDRIC THE CEREAL KILLER, MYSTERY HEN, THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, ARE THEY AWARE I'M A WEREWOLF, FIREWORK and pretty much anything that was left from THE AUTUMNAL E.P.

Thanks to all who came along on the night, despite the very wet weather. Audience members include: John Smallshaw and friend, Glyn G, Matt, Julie, Calum, Harry F, Phillip and friend - not to mention a lady from Edinburgh who popped in to listen during the first half. Over £30 was raised for the two charities, Macmillan Cancer Support and Haven House Children's Hospital during the evening - which will be split between the charities and donated along with donations from the other 2013 shows at the end of the year.

Before we go, I have a new poem to share with you. It's called THE DREADED LURGY and it sort of fits in quite well with the Friday the 13th theme of the show last week in that it's a poem about something nasty. Actually, that's not true at all, as the dreaded lurgy isn't half as nasty as one might imagine. The version that appears below is a slightly more tinkered-about-with version than the one that I performed at The Poetry Café last week - as you may notice, as it appears in the video from the night, that I've just completed.

Next week we'll be looking ahead to what is coming up over the final three months of 2013... There's a completely new collection of poems and stories that I've been working on for almost two years, not to mention a couple more overseas trips; but more about all those next week when I'll also be posting up the video from last week's show that I just mentioned...

More soon - take care!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

THE DREADED LURGY


The dreaded lurgy!
He's not so bad!
He's not so dreadful...
No, not so mad!
Sure, he may look pale -
And quite germ-ridden!
But his hugs are nice -
If kept well hidden...
When he greets you -
You'll feel over-taken...
He'll shake your hand -
It smells of bacon!
But don't believe The Press -
Nor what is written!
To that noted menace -
You'll soon be smitten!

The dreaded lurgy!
He is your mate!
He is your friend!
Your dinner date!
He may look unwell -
And rather sickly...
He may shout a bit -
Act kind of prickly!
But you'll not regret -
You ever met him...
He's on the mend -
So don't upset him!
He has no stink -
No nasty odour...
But soaks his teeth -
In cherry soda!
 
The dreaded lurgy!
He's quite a card!
His fans hold him -
In high regard!
Is he dead already -
Or just slacking off?
Could you catch his -
Nagging hacking cough?
NO! What makes you think -
He'd give you flu!?
There are far nicer things -
He'd rather do...
To make you relax -
Not make you iller...
This snot-nosed bogie-man's -
No killer...

THE DREADED LURGY will be published in Shy Yeti's first collection of 2014. This post is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2013.

Friday, September 13, 2013

POETRY CAFE, FRIDAY 13TH SEPTEMBER 2013...

TONIGHT!!!!
 
 
Collection will be for Haven House Children's Hospital
 
 
Yeti hugs, Paul xxx
 
P.S. Okay... So it's not a spooky charity, but it's a good one!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

IT'S AUTUMNAL...

A NEW RE-ISSUE AND A GIG!!

Hello beasties...

This week I am pleased to announce the new 10th anniversary edition of my 5th collection, THE AUTUMNAL E.P., which originally came out in the autumn of 2003. Here are some more details:

THE AUTUMNAL E.P., published in late-2003, was Paul’s fifth self-published collection and his fourth to include completely contemporary compositions. Long before he became Shy Yeti he was just plain Paul Chandler; what hasn’t changed is that he always wrote daft verse! Until now THE AUTUMNAL E.P. has only been available alongside its sister volume LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (due to be re-issued in 2014) so this is the first time it has stood alone. This version is a special 10th anniversary edition containing photos and behind-the-scenes information about the book. This collection includes many poems that Paul still performs today such as ALL THE RAGE, ANIMAL CRUELTY, THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS, BLUE-EYED LOVER (GREEN-EYED FREAK), HOW CAN WE BE WRONG?, SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA and WORN ROMANTIC, but many that he doesn’t!

Pbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-autumnal-ep/13982951

Hbk: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/the-autumnal-ep/14076565

Moving on, last week I promised you some more photos from America, so here they are...

PORTLAND PHOTO GALLERY

Some more of the sights and sounds of Portland that I observed during my trip out to the States back in late August. As I discussed last week I wrote a few new poems during the trip and also completed filming another SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode... I just need to get editing!



Before I head off I should just remind you that my next Poetry Café show with John Smallshaw *and ANOTHER top special guest) is coming up this Friday - the 13th September, at 19.30 should you be free! If you can't make the next show then the last one of 2013 is in November, Friday 29th November to be precise. I'll also be celebrating a significant birthday around that time too! *laughs and cries at same time*

Next week I'll be discussing the show and may have some photos from it too. I will get around to editing a new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode soon! I promise... I did do a little bit last night, btw! Honest.

Take care and keep poetic!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx


























This Post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2013...

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

DIARY FROM PORTLAND...

BACK IN THE U.S. - THE U.S.A...

Hello beasties!!

This week I'm reporting back from my trip to the States from late last month... Yes! Yes! I know, I got back over a week ago! Blame it on a mixture of jet-lag, going back to work and not getting around to downloading my holiday snaps quicker! I am, however, glad to be able to announce that I filmed a whole new episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION during the trip - not that I'm getting on especially well with my editing at the moment. Anyway! I will eventually!

Anyway, onto this week's post... Yes indeed, it's another of my travelogues... With photos, of course!!

Saturday 17th August 2013

It's a little early to report much, other than a successful, yet long journey to Portland via Heathrow airport where a nice brunch was had before departure. The first part of the trip involved a rather endless flight to Washington DC, although there were some good films on offer. (See list later in the post) On arrival I managed to buy a Washington DC baseball cap and t-shirts from the airport before flying on to Portland! Well, I sort of went to Washington... I need merchandise to prove it! During the flight I also did some work on a new poem called CEDRIC THE CEREAL KILLER which I'd already written two verses of on the way back from a B52s concert the previous night. Oh, and when we got to Portland there was a vampire at the airport... Okay, well not quite - but there was a bat flying around inside the terminal!! Not sure quite how it got in there. I do hope it reached its destination eventually!

Sunday 18th August 2013

Having slept well, I went for a very good breakfast across from the flat and took photos of the sweet and savoury options that were on offer. I sampled some too, naturally! Other than a brief intro for the new Shy Yeti On Location series I filmed very little today - but I did go shopping for books, trainers and clothes for yeti dancing in! There's plenty of time for filming later, I reasoned and I was right! The last time I was in Portland was in July/August 2011 - so I was on the lookout for some new locations to film during this trip; intending to read from the 10th anniversary edition of THE AUTUMNAL E.P.

Monday 19th August 2013

After a few small hiccups with the bank - where they thought I was a thief in America stealing from my own bank account! (I wasn't, but I guess I appreciate their concern even though it cost me 40 quid in phone calls to sort it all out! *cries*) Before leaving the flat I recorded my first poem of the trip; FIREWORK from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. and then headed downtown via Denny's for further shopping at Target and Powell's where I picked up books by Stephen King, Pearls Before Swine and Patricia Highsmith. I also got to see the awesome new Woody Allen film, Blue Jasmine starring Cate Blanchett, which isn't even out in the UK for another six weeks or so. As far as poetting was concerned I began recording another AUTUMNAL E.P. poem, THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS, although only the first 12 lines - with the rest to follow. After a little snooze I went out for burgers and later met a dog called Gris and a guinea pig called Burt! It's a long story but their owners, Caitlin and Matt commissioned me to write a poem about them which you will find at the end of this post.

Tuesday 20th August 2013

Today I didn't record any poems, but I did eat chinese and get some interesting views from the cable car up to OHSU (Oregon Health & Science University). I also wrote the poem that I mentioned (see end of post) and which is entitled THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS. It's been a long time since I wrote one a "ballad" and unlike some of the earlier ones this pieces actually comes with verses and choruses. It is pretty daft... Naturally!

Wednesday 21st August 2013

Today I started local by filming in Laurelhurst Park which is not too far from the flat. I finished recording TINY ELVIS, did a couple of mini-sketches, a yeti dance and also recorded my poem ALL THE RAGE which I couldn't remember whether I'd filmed recently or not! Never mind - at worst I'll have two versions! The rest of the day I just took shots of the food and the scenery - including my lunch, a Reuben in Northwest 23rd at Kornblatt's. I also worked on a couple of poems, SASSY MISS SASQUATCH and SANDY FROM THE FUTURE, the latter being inspired by something said by a lady named Ursula, who I met over dinner that evening.

Thursday 22nd August 2013

Today was mainly a footage gathering day, again. I kept on working on some new poems, but also visited the zoo. I had hoped to read a poem up there called ANIMAL CRUELTY - also from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. - whilst there, but didn't get the chance. Still, some of the animal shots that I accrued will be of use for that piece. In the evening I met some other animals over dinner and again some of the photos that I took might work with that piece too.

Friday 23rd August 2013

The hightlight of today was a trip to the Oregon coast - specifically Manzanita and Cannon Beach. During the trip up there I began a new poem called WANNA LIVE IN GOOSE HOLLOW which is a district of Portland and I also finished my poem SANDY FROM THE FUTURE, which had originally been set in the city, but I decided to sacrifice the lines that mentioned Portland for the GOOSE HOLLOW piece. Down on Manzanita beach I recorded a version of my poem ANIMAL CRUELTY; the weather was overcast, but pleasantly cool and many photos were taken and good food eaten during the trip.

Saturday 24th August 2013

Today was the last day of the trip and I finished my CEDRIC THE CEREAL KILLER poem and re-read ANIMAL CRUELTY for sound purposes before getting ready to head home. There was still time for shopping and some more good food!

Sunday 25th August 2013

Today, it was time to travel home - with plenty of photos and enough footage for, at least, one new episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION. It's one that I'll hopefully work on pretty soon too. All that was filmed today was the odd photo of food or shots from the plane. I also finished the poem SASSY MISS SASQUATCH at Calgary airport and arrived back in the UK on the August Bank Holiday Monday.

I hope you enjoyed the diary. There will be more photos to come and maybe not all of them will involve yummy stuff, although that is definitely preferable to my ugly mug! Thanks to Dominic for helping with some of the filming, to Daria for driving us around on some days and to Caitlin, Matt, Whitney and Ursula for their inspiration during the week.

POEMS RECORDED IN THE PORTLAND AREA
From THE AUTUMNAL E.P.

FIREWORK
Monday 19th August 2013

THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS
Mon 19th / Wed 21st August 2013

ALL THE RAGE
Wednesday 21st August 2013

ANIMAL CRUELTY
Fri 23rd / Sat 24th August 2013

Films watched on flights there and back: Stoker, The Guilt Trip, Side Effects, Annie Hall, The Hangover - Pt 3, also 30 Rock episodes etc.

Before I head off I intend to share with you that poem that I promised! As I may have mentioned, it's all about a friendship between a large dog and a guinea pig! I'll say no more - you should probably just read it... Or not! Next week it'll be time to be getting ready for another Poetry Café Show with John Smallshaw on Friday 13th September. As it's Friday 13th I'm intending to read a selection of scary stories and poems - some new pieces and a number from my 10th anniversary edition of THE AUTUMNAL E.P., which will also be released next week. As well as John we also have another special guest on the night - but you'll have to turn up to see who that might be! I may give further hints next week, along with some more photos from the Portland trip!

More soon - take care!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS

Griswold is a dog -
Of quite a monumental size!
His massive paws far more like hooves!
Just see his mighty tree trunk thighs!
One bone a day is not enough -
Needs maybe five, needs maybe ten!
You'll hear him bark way back in London;
When he is home in Oregon.
He's a hound made all of muscle -
You could not ever call him bony!
Smaller than an elephant -
Yet bigger than a Shetland Pony...

Griswold the pony dog -
With his chum, Burt, the guinea pig!
He's twice the size of you or I!
Though his pal Burt's not quite that big!

Burtie - he's a pig;
A small one, really oh-so mini.
Although he's from the U.S.A.,
His folks are living back in Guinea.
He's not as tiny as a flea -
But he is small compared to Gris.
Just like a shaken can of pop - 
There is no doubt he's full of fizz!
Likes eating carrots every day...
Well, they don't cost a lot of money!
They give his squeak all the mystique;
Of your State's greatest cartoon bunny!

Burt the guinea-pig -
With his friend, Gris, the pony dog!
Hey! Did you ever hear them howl?
They'll leave you pretty much agog!

Burt and Gris are just like brothers.
Yes, they do everything together!
Roller-skating dressed as cats -
As long as it's not icy weather!
They like to surf when tide is up -
Or when the waves are nice and perky!
They love to dance the dozy doe -
With their best bud, the Christmas turkey!
Every day's fantastic fun -
For Burt and Gris and that's no lie!
Those two are never seen apart...
Or else the fur would really fly!

Guinea pigs and pony dogs -
True comrades; the best of all!
Here's to the gang, Burtie and Gris!
Firm friends who'll never EVER fall!

THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS will appear in my first collection of 2014. This post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2013.