ANOTHER NEW POEM

WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG...

Hello beasties,

Just a short post this week, but I have another new but daft poem to share with you!

Next week, I hope I'll have a bit more to tell you about some of the new projects that I've been working on...

So more soon... Enjoy the new poem!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG...


When the singer lost her song –

Ah! She was just a little miffed...

No matter quite how hard she tried –

Even a murmur wouldn't shift...

She couldn't croak a bloomin' note –

She failed to meet the lowest grade...

Oh, there was no chance of a tune;

No... Let alone a serenade!

She really tried her very best –

She nearly turned her poor hair grey...

She stood there shaking on the stage –

Her fans just stared back in dismay!

When the singer lost her song –

She was so deeply mortified...

She stomped her dainty little feet –

Then swore aloud until she cried!

Of all the times and all the places...

To have lost her greatest skill!

Was there no way to get it back?

No health restoring magic pill!

What could she do or ever say?

The bitter truth; she lacked a voice!

Now that her song had sadly gone...

She couldn't very well rejoice!

 

When the singer lost her song –

She kept on searching high and low...

It wasn't tucked inside her shoes;

Lost in some murky undertow!

A fiery dragon hadn't chewed it -

It hadn't floated up to space!

Had she got drunk and maybe sold it?

This made her blush; oh, such disgrace!

She really hoped it might have called her –

To tell her where it might be trapped!

She sent a blood hound on the trail –

But no...

Soon her patience truly snapped...

 

When the singer lost her song –

She placed an ad there in the press...

In the hope it would return –

Would it succeed? She dare not guess!

Still, very soon there came a noise –

The sound of footsteps on the stairs...

Oh, what a very quick response –

She was taken quite, quite unawares!

T'was such a beautiful reunion...

Between the mistress and her song...

T'was the most joyous of occasions –

But there was still something slightly wrong...

 

Although her voice returned to her...

Now with a song to call her own!

She is no longer a soprano...

But more a bass or baritone!

All Contents of this Post are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2014. WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG appears in A YETI WAY OF THINKING, to be published later this year.

A VERY YETI VALENTINE...

SHY YETI'S LOVE POTION...

 

Hello beasties!

 

This week we're focusing on Valentine's Day... I've written quite a few Valentine's poems over the years - although not all of them have appeared on the blog. I'm going to share some of the ones that I have posted here however, not to mention that I'm about to remind you about my Shy Yeti Valentine's Day Special. It's a few years old now and it would have been nice to have filmed a newer episode - but you may well not have seen it. Here is the information and the links:

 

SHY YETI'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL...

 

This is the 5th episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION and it has a valentines theme; although not all the poems here are all hearts and flowers - for do please remember that Valentine's Day isn't a happy occasion for everyone! In this episode Paul reads 4 poems: BLUE EYED LOVER, HOPELESS ROMANTIC, WHY AGNES - YOU'RE LOVELY and A LEARNING EXPERIENCE - he also adopts a cup-cake, is interviewed about a poem and buys flowers for the person he most loves in all the world... This video was first posted in February 2010.

 

Youtube: http://youtu.be/FhR_PljZay8

 

Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/9347050

 

Next up here are some of the other valentine's related things that I've been up to over the years:

 

One year ago I was discussing my latest book...

 

http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_02_10_archive.html

 

Back in 2012 I was recording a Valentine's Day radio show...

 

http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2012_02_12_archive.html

 

Four years ago I was performing at the MEDICINE MOUTH - LOVED UP show which was my first paid gig.

 

http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2010_02_07_archive.html

http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2010_02_14_archive.html

 

Six Years ago now I posted my favourite self-written Valentine's poems, THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE.

 

http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2008_02_10_archive.html

 

Before we go I am pleased to be able to unveil one of two new Valentine's themed poems that I have written this week, IN PLACE OF A HEART... The second piece, IDIOT IN LOVE I'll be saving for my A YETI WAY OF THINKING poem... I hope you enjoy the new piece!

 

Over the next week or so, I'll be looking ahead to some up and coming projects - my first overseas trip of 2014 and the recording of my third album; not to mention sharing more new poems.

 

More soon!

 

Yeti hugs,

 

Paul xx

 



IN PLACE OF A HEART…

 

Are you game for a laugh?

It’s so easy to mock…

When in place of a heart –

Simply lies there, a rock…

When you cannot feel love –

And you cannot feel pain –

With no hope of reprieve…

Your good looks on the wane!

You don’t need empathy –

If you’re not integrating –

Standing stony and silent…

Like some statue, just waiting.

But you’re still left in doubt –

When you see couples kissing…

For when your heart’s made of rock –

There’s so much there you are missing!

 

When you’re playing it cool –

It is hard to be nice…

When in place of a heart –

Sits a sliver of ice…

When you live on the edge –

When you’ve nothing to fear…

When you dare not applaud –

Let alone shed a tear…

You have no sympathy –

You will watch me sit, fretting…

Thinking just of yourself –

Who cares who you're upsetting!

But you are making me melt –

You’ve reduced me to slush –

But as your heart’s made of ice –

It’s an unfortunate crush…

 

So if cupid he calls –

It’s just better to pass…

When in place of a heart –

You’ve a nugget of glass…

When you’ve no Valentine –

And you know you can’t win…

Ignore their withering looks –

And take it all on the chin…

You’re a nobody now –

Don’t pretend you’re just shy!

When you’re hollow inside –

Bid the world a goodbye…

For your body’s grown cold –

You’ve lost all warmth and heating…

But a heart made of glass –

Pretty soon will stop beating!

IN PLACE OF A HEART appears in my 2014 collection, A YETI WAY OF THINKING due out in the autumn. This post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.

LOOKING FORWARD / LOOKING BACK...

SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW...

Hello beasties!

This week I'm looking both forward and back a little... Firstly I'm going to tell you about a few of my favourite pieces from my next collection, A YETI WAY OF THINKING not to mention including some links from previous blog posts of pieces that are from this book.

I'll be ending this week's post with something from my most recently published book - NOT AS SHY AS I WAS... but let's look forward first!

A YETI WAY OF THINKING

Some of my favourite poems from this book I have already posted on the blog... I began writing the collection back in September 2012 - so it's been evolving slowly over the last eighteen months.

Poems from the collection...

ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_10_27_archive.html

YOU'LL DO
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_10_20_archive.html

THE DREADED LURGY
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_09_15_archive.html

THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_09_01_archive.html

MYSTERY HEN
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_08_11_archive.html

PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_04_14_archive.html

AUGUSTUS THE TRUSTY GUIDANCE PIG
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_02_24_archive.html

A YETI WAY OF THINKING
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_01_13_archive.html

ARE THEY AWARE I'M A WEREWOLF?
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2012_10_28_archive.html

A number of stories...

A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_01_26_archive.html

IN MEMORY OF
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_01_19_archive.html

TINSEL
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_12_22_archive.html

RUNNING ON EMPTY
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_07_07_archive.html

A CULT FOLLOWING
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_05_05_archive.html

A HARMLESS PRANK
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_04_28_archive.html

HIS CHRISTMAS CARDS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2012_12_23_archive.html

THE MORNING AFTER HALLOWEEN
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2012_10_28_archive.html

Whilst I'm here I'd like to enthuse, for the last time in a while. about my latest collection, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS - as published back in November. I'm including one of the dafter poems, WIGS AND CO, at the end of this post - but firstly here is my last plug for the book, as follows:

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS contains over 70 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between January and September 2012. They include: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, DRUNK ELK, ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, EVIL IVY, MINE OWN MINOTAUR, ONCE I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY, A YETI IN A HAT and many more… NOT AS SHY AS I WAS is 288 pages long and contains photos by Paul Chandler and artwork by Adam M Botsford, Paul Webster and Pete Katsiaounis.

Paperback: www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/not-as-shy-as-i-was/14135195 £9.99

Hardback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/not-as-shy-as-i-was/hardcover/product-21317217.html £15.99

Next week, I'll be continuing my wonder down memory lane - before we head to the future for the rest of this month's post, but I won't say any more about that for a week or two.

More soon!

Paul xx

WIGS AND CO…

Wigs and co –

Look splendid…

If you've got the type of head…

That needs some extra glamour –

Or a little extra cred…

Wigs can do a bit for baldies –

When it's is cold outside at night!

Wigs can do a lot for shorties –

Should they need some extra height!

Wigs can save your sorry life;

Should you be eaten by a snake…

You'll be coughed up as a fur-ball;

T'was just some slippery mistake!

A wig looks good upon your goldfish –

A wig looks good inside a net…

A wig can be a work of art –

And it can make a faithful pet!

 

Wigs and co –

Look super…

If you've got a lack of hair…

If we're distracted by your bonce –

If we be blinded by the glare!

Wigs can keep your tootsies warm…

Yes, they can muffle out the chill!

Wigs are really cynic-proof –

And they can fill you full of thrill!

Wigs can keep your homestead clean!

Yes, they are rarely known to rust...

You can sweep away the grime –

And keep your loved ones free of dust!

A wig looks fab upon your noggin...

A wig looks grand and never weird!

A wig looks great upon your chin...

When it's mistaken for a beard!

 

Wigs and co –

Look gorgeous …

If you're shiny up on top!

Or should wish to be a dandy...

Or some preening type of fop!

Wigs can hide your lunch from strangers;

They can shelter baby bears!

Wigs look good on mad professors –

Who have lost their bouffant hairs!

Wigs can wow the crowds at parties...

With their anecdotes and wit!

You can take them out on walks...

And they may beg, play dead or sit!

A wig looks hot with lots of tinsel…

A wig looks cool in candle-light...

A wig looks really rather tasty;

But I really wouldn’t take a bite!?!

 

Wigs and co –

Look awesome...

We all need a bit of glam!

But there are some who find them fake...

And claim toupees as such a sham!

Wigs can make the whole world grin;

Yes, they can entertain the troops!

Wigs are very keen to please and…

For applause will jump through hoops!

Wigs can make a cow look chic…

Can be the making of a piggy!

They can cure the common cold;

By simply being very wiggy!

A wig looks good when you’re asleep!

A wig looks fine when you are running!

A wig can be your new best friend...

You are in style!

My dear… You’re stunning!

PS Here are links to a poem and a story which are also in NOT AS SHY AS I WAS.

A poem:

WE'RE ALL JUST BRAINS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_11_24_archive.html

A story:

COMING UNRAVELLED
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_10_13_archive.html



This post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2014. Thanks to Toby W for the use of the above photo.

ANOTHER NEW STORY FOR 2014...

YETI EXCLUSIVE, "A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY..."

Hello beasties!

Just a short post this week, but I do have another new story for you...

Before I move on to the story I have a few titles of poems that I've been working on for the new collection, although goodness knows which ones will be completed in time to go into the book.

Poem titles include:

INCORRIGABLY ENCOURAGABLE
FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH
ALIEN TO ME
EVERYDAY IS A TIME OF YOUR LIFE
LOVED FOR WHAT YOU'RE NOT
GLAM-ROCK VAMPIRE, 1974
TOO TIRED FOR AN AFFAIR
BEACH-COMBER
THE ANSWER'S NO
THE BEST MAN IS NOT ALWAYS THE GROOM
I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL
AM I STILL A VEGETARIAN IF I ONLY EAT VEGANS
THE BOY WHO CRIED PWOAR
EGG FRIED MICE
WE'RE NOT GETTING ON (NO MORE)
EVEN ANGELS POO
I WOKE UP SMILING
BAD TORO
SONGS TO MAKE MUM'S DANCE
THE GORGEOUS DEAD
DIFFERENT TYPES OF DINOSAUR
KISSER FISH
OLD HAUNTS
THEY FOUND OUR YETI
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY
THE UNHAPPY HEART
A WALRUS, NOT A VAMPIRE
KNUCKLEHEAD, NUMBSKULL...
GAME PLAN

WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG

...and many, many, more...

Lastly, before we move on to that may I just remind you that my new book, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, is out and available to purchase. I'll share some more pieces from that in a week or so...

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS contains over 70 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between January and September 2012. They include: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, DRUNK ELK, ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, EVIL IVY, MINE OWN MINOTAUR, ONCE I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY, A YETI IN A HAT and many more… NOT AS SHY AS I WAS is 288 pages long and contains photos by Paul Chandler and artwork by Adam M Botsford, Paul Webster and Pete Katsiaounis.

Paperback: www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/not-as-shy-as-i-was/14135195 £9.99

Hardback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/not-as-shy-as-i-was/hardcover/product-21317217.html £15.99

Next week I'll be looking at some of the pieces that are already written for the new collection and then looking back at a piece from my new NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection...

More soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY


Kastra and her husband were very well off. They liked people to know it too and lived in a large house in Surrey.

Their motto was not to give away any of their wealth - to keep it, invest it - but most definitely not to give it away to charity.

The young couple on her doorstep now were asking for exactly that. They had only just that minute arrived, wrapped up in their winter wear; thick coats, scarves and gloves. They didn't look like locals. Why did such people choose the coldest day of the year to turn up? Kastra was cross with herself for even opening the door - for letting the heat escape. She should have ignored them, but she'd thought she had heard a noise on the drive; a car engine - but when she'd looked there had been no car.

"Donations for charity, maam..." enquired the gent, holding out a leaflet which Kastra resolutely ignored. "Donations for charity, Madame..." the man insisted.

"It's all for a good cause!" added the lady, but that was all she had to add for now, presumably the details were in the flier that she was being offered.

"No, thank you... We don't donate!" Kastra replied sternly, if she and her husband had actually owned dogs then she would most definitely have set the hounds on this scruffy looking pair. Kastra didn't like the look of them at all, but couldn't quite pin-point why. "I'm sorry..." she added. "We did have a few bits and pieces but we gave them to the local scout group for their autumn fayre only a couple of weeks ago... There's really nothing left!"

"Are you sure?" The two said in unison, they didn't look at all convinced; how dare they?

"Quite sure!" Kastra snapped, trying not to appear as furious as she felt. Who were these two to judge? She watched them peering past her in through the front door - admiring the antiques in the hallway. These items were worth little, but they should see the rest of the house; it was full of valuable things... Not that it was any of their business - not that she planned on showing them the contents of the house.

"We're sorry to have bothered you..." replied the man. "Very sorry indeed..."

The woman, however, said nothing, Kastra noted. How rude not to echo her companion's apology, but she said nothing.

Nothing... The woman *said* not a word, however she did seem to be making a noise...

She appeared to be purring.

It was only now that Kastra peered closer that she realised what it was that had disturbed her when they'd first been introduced. She'd mistaken their clothes as coats and hats and scarves but now she saw them properly for what they were.

Fur. For they were cats. Human cats - and the noise that came from the lady was purring...

Kastra raised her hand to her forehead. She was feeling dizzy. It was as if... The purring noise was really quite hypnotic.

"Donations for charity, maam..." mewed the gent, holding out his paw to steady her.

"It's all for a good cause..." added the feline female, taking a breath from purring to speak.

Kastra nodded. "Errr... Yes... Yes, of course..." she corrected herself. "We have plenty of junk that we probably don't need... When I say junk it's good condition - it's just cluttering up our home..."

"My! How wonderful!" beamed the man. "This is Suki, my name is Tiddles..."

"Delightful!" enthused Kastra, much against her better nature. "Come and take a look inside. Do you need help? I can always get my car out..."

"I'm surrrrrre that won't be necessary...Will it Tiddles?" replied Suki as they stepped indoors.

"No, no... We can manage..." beamed her companion. "There should be plenty of nice things here... Yes, indeed, this will be just purrrrrrrfect... Puuuurrrrrrfect! Really purrrrrrfect!"

Kastra nodded, she felt half asleep, but ever the hostess her natural good breeding kicked in. "Anyone for tea?" she enquired.

Suki was busy examining a stray Gainsborough, but Tiddles heard. "Tea... Of course... That would be splendid... Do run along and see to it, won't you?"

"Excellent..." Kastra nodded and even though deep down she knew things were far from normal she echoed Tiddles' words, muttering them to herself as she hurried off towards the kitchen. "Perfect...Perfect... Really perfect..."

...And she sincerely hoped that they'd soon find something "perfect" for their charity collection...

This post and all content are Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.

2014 BOOK TITLE CHOSEN!!!

A YETI WAY OF THINKING...

Hello beasties...

This week we're going to be looking forward to my next collection, although I don't expect it to be available until late Summer at the earliest as there are still a number of pieces to be written before I move on to the formatting and proofing which always takes an age...

After much thinking about the tone of the collection, I decided that of the three potential titles that I had - A YETI WAY OF THINKING... most fitted the diverse range of poems and stories in the next book... The other titles, GRANNY STOLE MY AFTER-BIRTH and BORN WITHOUT A FUNNYBONE are still poems within the collection - so they still get their moment.

Later in this post I'm including the newest piece that I've written, so far, for the new collection - it is also the second story that I have completed this year; I shall be sharing the first piece in a week or two.

Before we move on, here is a list of the titles of the pieces included in A YETI WAY OF THINKING as of Friday 24th January 2014.

A YETI WAY OF THINKING

ALL A BIT NUTS...

ARE THEY AWARE I’M A WEREWOLF?
AUGUSTUS THE TRUSTY GUIDANCE PIG...
THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS...
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE...
BORN WITHOUT A FUNNY BONE...
CEDRIC THE CEREAL KILLER...
CHECK UP, CHECK OUT...
CREATIVELY PROMISCUOUS...
A CULT FOLLOWING
DO YOU WANT TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH ME?
THE DREADED LURGY
EIGHT SUPER LITTLE PILLS
ENOUGH OF YOUR SAUCE...
THE FLIRT
GERIATRIC MERMAID
GIN GOBLINS...
GRANNY ATE MY AFTER-BIRTH...
HANGING OUT IN GRAVEYARDS WITH MY SWEETHEART
A HAPPY YETI HOWL...
A HARMLESS PRANK...
HIS CHRISTMAS CARDS...
THE ICE IN MY GLASS...
INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS...
INFORMATION IS A WONDERFUL THING
IN MEMORY OF...
IT ONLY TAKES A MOUSE TO SNEEZE
IT’S NOT SAFE TO GO OUTSIDE...
I USED TO BE A TEN...
JUST ONE DAY (BEING YOU)...
MAKE ALL APPLAUSE COUNT...
MAN, MANHANDLED
THE MORNING AFTER HALLOWEEN
MY BACON-FLAVOURED BABY...
MY NEW YEAR HANGOVER...
MYSTERY HEN
THE ONE...
ONE LAST NIGHT
ON FIRST NAME TERMS WITH LOVE
ONION MAN
A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY
PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS
POLLEN SEASON
RUNNING ON EMPTY
SANDY FROM THE FUTURE...
SASSY MISS SASQUATCH...
SCABBY DONKEY
THE SEX LIVES OF (EVIL) WITCHES
SHORT-SLEEVED BEE SUIT
A SPIDER IN THE BATH...
SUICIDAL PIGEON...
TALKING WITH ANIMALS
TEN INCHES
TINSEL…
TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI...
UNTIL THE COWS ALL COME HOME...
WE’RE ALL STARS TODAY...
A YETI WAY OF THINKING...
YOU’RE DEAD TO ME...
YOU CAN’T TRUST A MAN WITH A BEARD...
YOU’LL DO...
YOUR NIGHTMARES...
ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER

That makes 63 submissions, so far - with only another dozen or so to go. I'm not sure quite when to cut off the writing yet - we'll just see how it goes for now...

Moving on to the new story that I promised you, it was written a few days ago. It was slightly inspired by the leaving speech of a colleague of mine who at his own leaving do couldn't help but add further examples of his achievements after our boss had already stoked his ego in his own speech.

Next week I may have something else new for you, but we shall see. I may change my mind by then!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

IN MEMORY OF...


There was a hush in the church as he started to speak. At least one member of the congregation was crying, but he continued.

"We are here today in memory of Michael Simmons..." he did not allow his voice to waver - there was much to say and say it he must without being overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment. "Michael Simmons was a good man... A phrase often used by those who met him; it's the sort of thing that is said about many people, but in Michael's case it was true. Michael Simmons was a good man – a great man! But not just that... So many things could be said about Michael – each and every one of them on their own sounds impressive; so the fact that they are all achievements by the same man really does show you what a trail-blazer Michael was... Let us begin with the small things... For instance, his taste in clothing was exemplary... His taste in literature, in music – in the cars that he drove – the houses that he owned – in the women that he married. Always the very best. Not only that – but he was handsome too, some might even say sexy. There is no doubt in the minds of this congregation that Michael was taken from us too soon – his death deprives the world of a clever man – a genius. He was a good husband, a magnificent father and an expert at Mahjong. Not only this but Michael Simmons was an expert – in so many areas, but especially in his first love... Whisky – what Michael didn't know about single malt is not worth knowing. Michael was a gentle man – he was a calming presence to be around – even angry dogs were known to wag their tails upon seeing him..."

He was about to say more when he was pleased to note that the sound of crying from the congregation had increased, not only that but the vicar was looking uncomfortable and kept coughing nervously as if attempting to indicate that it was almost time for him to finish. All the same, there were one or two other things to say.

"So... To conclude... Michael Simmons was the sort of man that everybody wanted to be... Not only a good friend, but a generous one too... Over the years he gave thousands of pounds to charity... Thanks to him Surrey has three new golf courses – golf courses that Michael himself lived to play on and enjoy... He was also a good son; although he rarely saw his mother in her later years due to his asphyxiating allergy to her pet cats... The tragic irony being that those cats were a gift from him for her sixtieth birthday! Such a shame! However, all in all he was an inspiration to the whole community - business man, sportsman, tap-dancer, heretic... Michael Simmons... Rest In Peace!"

As he stepped away from the microphone the vicar looked up indignantly. "Thank you, Michael..." he sighed wearily. "Now if you'd like to get back into the coffin you ARE meant to be dead..."

 

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.



SHY YETI SPEAKS...

COMING UP IN 2014...

Hello beasties!

This week I present an interview that I recently gave to my friends at THE GROWL GAZETTE in Beargrrria; one hopes that you find it of some interest...

Before we move on to that may I just remind you that my new book, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, is out and available to purchase. I'll share some more pieces from that in a week or so...

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS contains over 70 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between January and September 2012. They include: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, DRUNK ELK, ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, EVIL IVY, MINE OWN MINOTAUR, ONCE I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY, A YETI IN A HAT and many more… NOT AS SHY AS I WAS is 288 pages long and contains photos by Paul Chandler and artwork by Adam M Botsford, Paul Webster and Pete Katsiaounis.

Paperback: www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/not-as-shy-as-i-was/14135195 £9.99

Hardback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/not-as-shy-as-i-was/hardcover/product-21317217.html £15.99

...And now the interview!!

A SIXTH SLIGHTLY-OVER 60 SECOND CHAT WITH SHY YETI

 Here is another, recent interview from Beargrrria’s top magazine for chat; THE GROWL GAZETTE. They know me over there due to my dubious connection with a certain Beargrrrian superstar named Charlie Grrr. This is the sixth time that they have interviewed me! They really MUST be short of people to speak to. This time I’m talking mainly about what the next few months hold in store and about my recent collection – NOT AS SHY AS I WAS and the reissue of my fifth collection, THE AUTUMNAL E.P. So, here’s what they asked and what I said in reply – straight from the yeti’s mouth, as it were!!!

Q. Happy New Year Mr Yeti!

A very happy 2014 to you too…

Q. Well, be talking more about the new year later in the interview, but first we’d like to look back. You released your second new book of 2013 back in November, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, although you’d been working on it for some time. Tell us more, if you will. You must be very pleased that it’s finished.

A. Yes, indeed! There was a slight backlog, but that was more with my previous book and the type of writing that was included in it. ARE WE THERE, YETI!?, which was published back in spring 2013 contained prose material that needed properly proofreading and whilst I was working on that side of things I was also writing new material for NOT AS SHY AS I WAS. That said, I began work on NOT AS SHY back in January 2012 which does feel like a very long time ago now. So yes, I’m glad it’s finally out there and pleased that it was ready in time for my 40^th birthday, especially as it references my yeti nick-name. Originally I’d imagined that I’d have NOT AS SHY AS I WAS out back in 2012, so this hadn’t always been the intention.

Q. Do you have any favourite pieces from the latest collection?

Certainly. Some of them I’ve been performing now for almost two years – so it’s probably the poems that I have the softest spot for as I am the most familiar with them; an odd thing to say when you’ve written everything in the book, but you see what I mean! One of the funniest of the poems when I came to film it was SOMETHING'S UP WITH ROCKY LOBSTER…, partly because a man cycling down the tow-path where we were filming mistook Rocky for a real lobster! Which of course he is… *he isn’t!* We laughed it off by explaining it was all a big joke! It’s maybe not quite so easy getting away with daft filming when you’re past 40! Other favourites from this collection include WE’RE ALL JUST BRAINS and SHAVING WEREWOLVES, which was inspired by my niece!! *long story!* Thankfully nobody caught me dressed as a werewolf during the filming of the latter piece

Q. That all sounds fair enough – and you’re already well on your way with putting together your first collection for 2014. Does it have a title?

At present it has three… At least there are three possible titles which are all titles of poems contained within the collection… It was originally going to be GRANNY ATE MY AFTER-BIRTH – but although that stands out it might also put people off. With that in mind I have since added the possibility of either calling it A YETI WAY OF THINKING or BORN WITHOUT A FUNNY BONE. I’ve been doing a vote on social media and have so far reached a draw!! As I speak to you here and now I am erring towards A YETI WAY OF THINKING, as it keeps the yeti name-checked.

Q. Can you share any of these new titles with us?

I can do – as I say, it’s not complete – but pieces that I am already performing include… ARE THEY AWARE I'M A WEREWOLF, AUGUSTUS THE TRUSTY GUIDANCE PIG, MYSTERY HEN, PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS, SASSY MISS SASQUATCH, TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI - not to mention the three titles I've already mentioned above.

Q. When do you expect this collection to be ready?

Well, as far as the writing is concerned I’ve not got an exact deadline – I had considered aiming for the end of 2013, but have since decided to roll it beyond as I’ve been writing at a lot slower pace of late! We’ll see how prolific I am over the first quarter of the year because then I still have to get it proofed and set out how I want it. I’d like to hope that it would be ready by late summer at the latest, but it takes a lot longer to get these things finished these days! Technology! That and lack of a proof-reader! I also want to get some new drawings done for the collection depending if any of my artists are up for the job this time around.

Q. As already mentioned, you continued to release your early books as 10th anniversary editions during 2013. Were there any poems that you’ve enjoyed revisiting or which you had practically forgotten? When is the next due?

A. Well, the next re-issued collection due is LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED which isn’t really meant to be out until late 2014, however I have pretty much finished all my work on it and am working on the following collection, MUGSHOTS which is due in early 2015. There’s a good chance that I will allow LOVESONGS to escape a few months early and release it by the time of my first Poetry Café show of 2014, around April-time. That allows MUGSHOTS to be out around the time of my birthday in 2014, with POETIQUETTE ready for a spring 2015 re-release. Once those first 8 collections are ready I may then consider revamping POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006) and RHYME BEARS STEAL PIES FOR (2007) as they hit their tenth anniversaries.

Q. You recently released the 10^th anniversary of THE AUTUMNAL E.P. How do you feel about that collection now?

A.  It seems a very long time ago, although ten year isn’t so long really – all these early books pre-date me discovering www.lulu.com, so this was one of my books that I put together by hand and quite literally self-published through the blog. I’m really not sure how many copies were produced, looking back – but there are quite a lot of favourites in that small collection; so it was good to revisit them.

Q. How are you going with the SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos? I hear that there are episodes left over that were originally filmed during 2012 and 2013?

A. Yes, that is true – one way or another I didn’t feel in an editing mood during 2013. This was partly due to there being plenty of Shy Yeti videos available on MRSHYETI on Youtube (over 100) and reckoning that it gave time for new viewers to catch up. Not only this, but I was unwell and experienced struggles with ailing technology! My old laptop with the excellent software is on its last legs, whilst the new laptop has rubbish editing software – but alas it’s not that simple to swap the package between the two! Argh! Also I don’t know where the time has been going to in the evenings – no sooner am I home than it seems to be bedtime.

Q. Are there many SHY YETI episodes from 2012 and 2013 yet to be seen?

A. Quite a number, yes…  Filming them that hasn’t been the problem, it’s editing them; although I have slightly reduced the number filmed per trip! I’ve still got a series or two from 2012 left – most notably a four part edition set in the Lake District.

Q. Presumably there are a good number though from 2013 still to see the light of day – where are they set?

This is true – as the only episodes filmed in 2013 that I actually edited were either live shows or one that I recorded around Easter time concerning the arrival of Spring. Otherwise, I filmed an episode up in the Shetlands, although I wasn’t feeling too well at the time. I returned to the Lakes in the summer and then also made a trip out to Portland in the States to film another episode in late August. Around the time of my 40^th birthday in November I also filmed footage in Florence and Nice and I also made sure to document, at least some, of each of my four live shows. The location episodes are all single editions – so hopefully I’ll be able to catch up at some stage – especially as I’m in no rush to publish another book in the immediate future. As mentioned on my blog, I did return to Dorset around the new year (2013/2014), however as I’ve already recorded two episodes in that area and the weather is rarely good at this time of year – I did not record a special episode there on this occasion.

Q. What about 2014? Are there any locations lined up?

I’m going back to Venice in month or so… I do love that city, as you might have guessed! I’d like to think of a new way of presenting the city on this occasion – but we shall see! Last time I tried to film a yeti version of a giallo, but that ended up being a little too ambitious! I’m also booked to spend a week in August near Grange-over-Sands – so I’m sure there will be a chance to film then. There are a number of other holidays in consideration, but nothing more booked – so I’ll not speak about them at the moment just in case my plans change.

Q. How is the performance poetry going? Will there be more shows in 2014?

A. 2013 was mainly about my own shows at The Poetry Café – one each in April, July and September – with the last in November being a belated 40^th birthday indulgence… These all went well and a number of other poets took part – all but the November show featured John Smallshaw and the September show saw not just John, but also the return of Wilfredo! We also had a number of nice surprises when we opened the evenings up to open-mike readers. I am pleased to be able to announce four more dates for 2014 – these are: Wednesday 16^th April, Friday 18^th July, Wednesday 17^th September, Friday 31^st October. It’ll be interesting to see who I can get to perform alongside me for these shows or whether some of last year’s open-mikers will return.

Q. Will there be any non-poetry related projects next year?

A. Oh yes. I’m pretty sure there will. I’d like to get back to The Mouse Of Commons, which I pretty much set aside last year due to writing overload. I have a Mouse novel half-written and a book of Mousely short stories to type. I’m currently making final changes to the second series of BEAST OF FRIENDS and am also beginning work on the eight scripts for the third series.

Q. That's good news. Thank you for answering our questions, Mr Yeti.

A. That's okay, thank you for inviting me back – hopefully we’ll growl again soon. Once again, I’d just like to pass on my thanks to every one in Beargrrria for all their support and good will over the years.

So, there you have it! More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx

Next week we'll be looking at some of the titles that we have collected together for the next book; whatever it does end up being called!!!

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.

2014 IS HERE!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Hello beasties!

It's 2014 - a new year!! The 12th year of this blog...

This week will be another short post - as I didn't do a great deal over the Christmas break. I spent Christmas itself in central London and then returned to Salisbury, Weymouth and Swanage with Paul H and Toby W between Christmas and the early days of New Year. That said, although I did return to Dorset I didn't film another Shy Yeti poetry episode as the weather was so atrocious that I simply wasn't in the mood. I did take photos, swim and collected together 4 short story ideas.

What I will be announcing this week are the four dates for my Poetry Café shows this year which have only just been confirmed. Before I do so, may I just remind you that my new book, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, is out and available to purchase. I'll maybe share some new pieces from that in the New Year, although you may find a number of the pieces familiar from either the blog or from my yeti films...

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS contains over 70 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between January and September 2012. They include: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, DRUNK ELK, ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, EVIL IVY, MINE OWN MINOTAUR, ONCE I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY, A YETI IN A HAT and many more… NOT AS SHY AS I WAS is 288 pages long and contains photos by Paul Chandler and artwork by Adam M Botsford, Paul Webster and Pete Katsiaounis.            

Paperback: www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/not-as-shy-as-i-was/14135195 £9.99

Hardback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/not-as-shy-as-i-was/hardcover/product-21317217.html £15.99

Here are are the Poetry Cafe gig dates!!

SHY YETI GIGS DURING 2014...

Wednesday 16^th April

Friday 18^th July

Wednesday 17^th September

Friday 31^st October

I'm especially excited about the Halloween date!! I may have to dress up as a witch or something!!

Of course, should you be doing your own poetry show during the year and require my services, then I am always contactable on Facebook, Twitter or at pcbeeches@hotmail.com

Next time I'll have some more news about what's coming up during the early months of 2014...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post is Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.