WE'RE GOING BACK IN TIME FOR THE SHY LIFE PODCAST...

IT'S TIME TO UNVEIL ANOTHER EPISODE...

Hello beasties!!

This time I've got some photos to share with you which compliment my latest podcast episode. The episode was recorded and all the photos taken on Monday 2nd January 2017 - as follows...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 57: BIG BLUE PLAQUES AND TIME MACHINES...

Here we are for episode FIFTY SEVEN - as Paul Toby and Yeti Uncle John head off on a little adventure en route to meeting Dameus Twinklehorn who is unveiling a commemorative plaque near Earl's Court, London. But there is also a time machine involved - or is there - might it just be a rumour? Listen and maybe you'll learn the answer - or not!! Our next episode, number 58 - sees Mr Yeti and his friend Nick G heading out for a game of bingo! It'll be out soon!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 57 was recorded on the 2nd January 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

57: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-57-big-blue-plaques-and-time-machines

There are a number of poems in this episode - YETI SPAGHETTI, A BEAR NEEDS TO ITCH, BROMPTON CEMETERY and HANGING OUT IN GRAVEYARDS WITH MY SWEETHEART were especially recorded during January 2017, whilst GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT comes from 2007's SHY YETI FINEST HOME-BREWED VERSE album, also available on BANDCAMP at https://shyyeti.bandcamp.com/album/shy-yetis-finest-home-brewed-verse

Here are some photos from behind the scenes...

The photos appear here in the opposite order that they were taken - with photos from Brompton Cemetery, The Brompton Time Machine etc appearing first. All other photos were taken in locations that are discussed during episode 57 - for instance, looking out across the Thames etc.

Before we go I also have a short story - it's an idea that Toby and I discussed during one of graveyard trips - an idea that I'd kind of forgotten to do anything with until Toby reminded me about it during the recording of episode 57; in fact you'll hear him bring up the topic during that particular show. So, anyway, I decided to do something about it - as it is very "me"; although in the end I wrote a slightly different version of the idea. Rather than making it about somebody being surprised by the exact nature of the person who they meet in the cemetery it would appear that this was what they had been planning all along.

Had I wrote this years ago I might have gone along more straight spooky lines, but I fear that today people would guess the twist too easily. I mean, they may still do! This is one of the reasons ideas like this best work out as really short prose pieces. I remember reading an old short story from the 50s or 60s that went on for pages and pages and thought it was going to surprise you at the end by revealing that one of the main characters was a werewolf. Sadly it was so obviously sign-posted that you knew exactly what the twist was going to be almost from the start. I suppose when the story was written the reader might not have been so quick to second-guess a twist like this. How times change... Anyway!

Next time I'll either be sharing with you another of my Yeti scripts or I'll be choosing a further scene from my recent script-book, YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS to share with you...

Yeti hugs,

More soon!

Paul xx

DEAD LEAVES AND DATING APPS...

He wasn't asking for much...
People laughed when he said he was looking for love; at his age...
"The older you get the more you'll find romantic love to be over-rated..."
He didn't agree and kept searching; 
All he really craved for was companionship - affection...

There was time - he was prepared to wait for the right person...

That winter day in the cemetery... 
The trees rained down their dead leaves in sympathy - 
It was cold and he was already beginning to wonder why he had gone there...
Sometimes his search took him to the strangest of places...
He convinced himself that he was there to take photos -
To research the gravestones of famous dead celebrities...
To investigate further that story he'd read off the internet -
The one about a time machine hidden inside one of the mausoleums...
But that wasn't the only thing that he'd read about...
He'd read on forums that this place was popular with all kinds of people;
For so many different reasons,,,
He was definitely curious about a number of those reasons;
Although even admitting that to himself made him nervous...
Sitting there on a bench in a quiet area of the cemetery he fired up his phone...
Clicking onto the app he was surprised by just how many people with profiles were in the area...
Surprised by the messages that he quickly began to receive...
"Want to meet up?", "How are you doing, handsome?" Want to hook up?"
They were close - growing closer - insistent - encouraging...
And from the looks of their photos, also slightly passed their best-by-dates.
Smiling faces greeted him as he flicked through the profiles -
But every picture gave itself away - the fashions - the hair-styles...
These were not current photographs - these were not even living personages...
No, skeletons, spectres, poltergeists, zombies and the twitching undead...
All of them keen to meet - and yet...
Proper warmth - proper cuddles don't come easily...
None of those potential loves held any interest to him...
There was no connection... No reason to rush into anything...

He still had time - was prepared to wait for the right person...

Dead or alive...

Thank you to Toby for brainstorming the original idea with me and for reminding me to write it during the recording of Episode 57 of The Shy Life Podcast: Big Blue Plaques And Time Machines. It was written between 28th February and 3rd March 2017, with some tweaking just before it was posted. Originally I had intended to write it as a short story, but I think it works better as flash prose - and as I mentioned above - the story changed as I began writing it.

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

TWO AND A HALF YEARS IN THE MAKING...

YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS IS FINALLY RELEASED!

Hello beasties,

I'm excited to announce that my new book is finally out! Those of you who follow my blog will know that it's been ready since the autumn, but I wanted to wait until I'd visited Venice again to add a few extra photos and blog-posts to the finished book. Having done that it was much too close to Christmas to release the book - and so I've held it back to now - tweaking it occasionally... And the book! Ahem...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 55: EIGHTIES NIGHT...

Here we are for episode FIFTY FIVE - and we're pleased to be able to welcome back Erik from The Hysteria Continues Podcast as we turn our attentions to 1980s music and fashions. There are poems too and plenty of interaction with our regulars. Our next episode, number 56 should be a recording of our 5th live Pride48 show - as broadcast between around 9 and 10pm GMT on Sunday 19th February 2017. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 55 was recorded between the 25th and 27th January 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

55: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-55-eighties-night 

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 56: OUR 5TH LIVE PRIDE48 SHOW...

Here we are for episode FIFTY SIX - this is a recording of our 5th Live Pride48 Show which was broadcast on Sunday 19th February 2017! As well as interaction with the chat-room there are messages with the regulars - poems recorded from a recent visit to Radio Wey and this version of the show also contains extra content. Our next episode, number 57 - sees us heading out as Dameus receives an award for one of his old films! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Thanks to Tim M for inviting me back on his show. This episode and all other contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 56 was recorded between the 11th and the 19th February 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

56: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-56-our-5th-live-pride48-show

There are plenty of new episodes in the pipe-line, I'm currently working on episode 57 which concerns Dameus Twinklehorn unveiling a plaque in Brompton Cemetery to commemorate a film that he once appeared in. I've also sent two mini-scripts to two podcasters who will be making cameos in future episodes and am scheduled to record with both Nick Goodman and Toppie Smellie again this weekend. All that and I invented two new characters this week and have recorded little sketches with them!

Anyway... returning to our big topic of the week - YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

Here is the back-cover blurb on the new book...

We join Horner, Warren, Katrina and Colin as they head to Italy on an all-expenses-paid trip to Venice! But there is trouble in store – murder, in fact! What can be done? Who is to blame? Who will be “got at” next? The Beast Crew try to help whilst trying to avoid getting “bumped off” themselves!

Paperback Edition: £8.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/paperback/product-23078113.html

Hardback Edition: £13.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/hardcover/product-23078067.html

HORNER: (calling out, slightly nervously)

HELLO?! It’s me… Horner… Somebody’s locked me in… Hello? Will someone please free me? It’s really stuffy in here! HELLO!?! THIS IS NOT FUNNY, YOU KNOW! THERE’S A KILLER OUT THERE AND I’M TRYING TO FIND HIM!

At the end of this post you will find the first two scenes of the new script - I hope you enjoy them!

Moving on... Here are some more photos of Venice (and surrounding areas) - which is where the new script is set. These photos were taken there during my birthday holiday back in November 2016 - but I had not yet posted them here on the blog (or anywhere for that matter!!)

That's about it for this time - we may have some more to tell you about this new book - and probably some more photos - over the next few weeks, but we shall see...

Next time there will be more podcast news and maybe a new yeti script - or two!

Up next! The first two scenes from YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

Take care - more soon

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

ACT 1: Lucy’s Mother’s flat, not far from Brompton Cemetery…

Lucy is back in town. Until recently she was working with Warren and Katrina in London – but has recently moved away with her mother and boy-friend, Jack; their adventures can be read about in the series, KENSINGTON GORE. Lucy is there to clear her mother’s flat and her visit corresponds with a visit from their old friend, Horner. Horner has been helping run a rather odd library in Spectrum City, the events of which can be read about in the series, HOT STUFF!! It is the first time that the four of them have met in some time and they are reflecting over the past. Most of the stories are new to Lucy – not to mention you the readers – and they involve her former-boyfriend, Colin – who was sadly killed some time ago.

LUCY: (fascinated)

I can’t believe I missed all these adventures! You guys really were crazy… It’s all because you’re here, Horner – these two will never talk about the old days…

WARREN: (concerned)

We’re just worried that it might upset you, Luce… We don’t want to make you sad!

LUCY: (reassuringly)

You wouldn’t! I love hearing about what Col got up to… I want to hear everything!

KATRINA: (sympathetically)

I don’t see why not as long as she’s sure… Look at her little face! So eager!

WARREN: (relenting, with good humour)

Fair enough! Come on Horner… What adventures haven’t we shared with her yet?

LUCY: (enthusiastically)

Yes… Your memory is good! You’re the writer… Tell me a story… A good one!

WARREN: (with pretend concern, laughing)

Think of something, Horner! Quick… Otherwise she’s likely to explode…

KATRINA: (grinning, playing along)

That I’d pay to see! Actually, no! Scrub that! It would be a waste of a good Lucy and that’s something I simply can’t condone… (Lucy raises her glass to Katy)

HORNER: (chuckling)

Okay! Okay! It’d be my pleasure – I’m just glad I can be of help, Lucy… It really is very lovely to see you all again… I wish we weren’t all so busy these days… Okay! Enough chatter! I’ve a good story! What about the time we went to Venice?

WARREN: (reflecting, not altogether happily)

Oh! Yes! Now that was quite an experience… I know… I still have the scars…

KATRINA: (cheekily interjecting)

He has too – he’ll show them to you if you ask nicely…

WARREN: (playfully)

I actually charge these days – but maybe as its Lucy I’ll make an exception…

LUCY: (slightly embarrassed)

So kind! So what happened? Go on… Tell me…

HORNER: (muttering under breath to start and then aloud)

Okay… Okay! Let me think… Where to start?! Hmm… Okay… This was a few years ago now – it was just after Clive and Cromitty had moved out and just before I started dating Suzette… I managed to blag some free tickets to a gallery opening in Venice – long story, I’ll come back to it… But first I should set the scene – starting the night before we arrived – which was the night of the first murder…

EVERYTHING GOES A LITTLE MISTY AND THE STORY BEGINS…

ACT 2: The Back-streets of Venice, just off The Grand Canal…

WE SEE A FLAMBOYANT YETI PULLING A LARGE SUITCASE ON WHEELS ALONG AFTER HIM. HE HAS A TOURIST GUIDE AND IS LOOKING FOR HIS HOTEL, SO FAR WITHOUT MUCH SUCCESS… HIS NAME IS SO-CII… SO-CII YETI… “SOCIETY”, GET IT!? OH, I GIVE UP! ANYWAY… HE IS LOST AND IS TURNING TO PASSERSBY TO ASK FOR ADVICE, AGAIN UNSUCCESSFULLY.

SO-CII: (attempting to hide that he is both nervous and confused)

Hello? Can anybody help me?! It does appear that I’m lost…

NOBODY HELPS, SO HE STOPS AT A BOOTH SELLING ICECREAM AND BUYS AN ENORMOUS CONE CONTAINING THREE FLAVOURS OF GELATO. HAVING DONE SO HE CONTINUES – GETTING FURTHER FROM THE CROWDS – HIS ICE CREAM IS DRIPPING FASTER THAN HE CAN EAT IT – JUST THEN A FIGURE FLITS AHEAD OF HIM AND SO-CII CALLS OUT…

(Sounding desperate) Hello? Hello! I wonder if you could help me… HELLO!?!

SO-CII SHAMBLES DOWN A SERIES OF LABYRINTHINE ALLEYWAYS IN THE HOPE OF CATCHING UP WITH THE PERSON. EVENTUALLY, HE STOPS. THERE IS A PIECE OF PAPER LYING ON THE COBBLES AHEAD OF HIM. IT APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE TOKEN…

(Mutters to self) Oooh! Now you don’t see many of those these days… I wonder if it’s only valid in Venice or might I take it home and spend it back in London!?

SLOWLY, AS HE READS THE TOKEN, HE TURNS AROUND – A FIGURE IS STANDING THERE BEFORE HIM – A QUITE ODDLY DRESSED FELLOW…

Oh! Hello, sir… Was it you that I saw before? Did you drop this? I wonder if you could help me with directions… I say, are you going to a fancy dress party?

THE FIGURE’S FACE IS OBSCURED BY THE BRIM OF A LARGE PINK FELT HAT WITH “KISS ME QUICK!” PRINTED ON IT IN BOLD BLACK TYPE…

You do look fancy, I must say! Are you still dressed up from Christmas or are you a couple of days early for New Year? You must give me the address of your tailor!

THE STRANGER SAYS NOTHING BUT SUDDENLY STAGGERS FORWARD AS IF HURT… SO-CII SETS ASIDE HIS CASE AND STEPS FORWARD TO HELP…

Hey… Be careful, dear… You’ve over-done it, haven’t you? Take it easy… OH!

SO-CII TRIES TO STEADY THE FIGURE BUT SUDDENLY FEELS SOMETHING SHARP PIERCING DEEP INTO HIS CHEST… THE ATTACKER STABS HIM REPEATEDLY AND SO-CII FALLS BACKWARDS, COLLAPSING UPON THE PAVEMENT… THE KILLER WATCHES UNTIL SO-CII FALLS SILENT, THEN TAKES A BLOODY EIDERDOWN FROM A SHOPPING BAG. THE FIGURE LIFTS THE YETI SLIGHTLY AND PLACES THE EIDERDOWN UNDER HIS HEAD. BEFORE DEPARTING THE KILLER TAKES SOMETHING ELSE FROM THE BAG, PLACING A LUKE-WARM CALZONE UPON THE GORE-COATED CORPSE… AND WITH THAT THE GHOUL STRIDES OFF INTO THE NIGHT…

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.