WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO WITH ME POEMS...

Hello,

I've been a very bad poet and not updated the blog in a little while and also - I've failed to mention that I did actually record those new poems that I threatened to record about a month or so ago for the www.vimeo.com/shyyeti site.

In the end I recorded:

PICCADILLY CIRCUS
RECKLESSLY
CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND
THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU
I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES
A VOICE IN HIS HEAD
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR
THE TRUE LIGHT
MY DOG IN A DRESS

Not to mention a 2 part Mouse of Commons short story.

As I've not been promoting the new videos so much their ratings haven't been as good as the first batch, but even though there is a difference in how long the two batches of videos have been available I have compiled an updated list of their ratings as of today. I'm not sure if it's just because it's at the top of the list - but PICCADILLY CIRCUS is getting the highest ratings out of the new batch, so far.

Since I last posted I've been working on a couple of new poems, but am mostly working on the next Mouse of Commons novel: GOSSIP FROM THE CHEESE COUNTER and looking forward to my book launch weekend on the 5th and 6th September, of which there will be photos nearer the time.

Anyway - for now - have fun and if you have time then please do take a peep at the new videos, please.

Thankyou!

Paul x

WWW.VIMEO.COM VIDEO RATINGS

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 112 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 102 Views
3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 48 Views
4th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 39 Views
5th MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 37 Views
6th LITTLE PIG - 36 Views
7th PICCADILLY CIRCUS - 26 views
8th YETI SPAGHETTI OUTTAKES - 25 views
= 10th RECKLESSLY - 10 views
= 10th I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES - 10 views
= 12th MY DOG IN A DRESS - 9 views
= 12th THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU - 9 views
13th CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND - 8 views
14th THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR - 6 views
= 16th A VOICE IN HIS HEAD - 5 views
= 16th THE TRUE LIGHT - 5 views

MISTER YETI RECORDS MORE POEM VIDS SOON!!!

Hopefully tomorrow I should be recording some more poetry videos - I'm not sure which ones will get done; but the ones I'm hoping to record include...

MY DOG IN A DRESS
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR
CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND
I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES
THE TRUE LIGHT
PICCADILLY CIRCUS
THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU
A VOICE IN HIS HEAD

...and possibly the Mouse of Commons short story: THE DAY CHARLIE GRRR ATE CHRISTMAS!!

There's a new video up on the site, of out-takes from Yeti Spaghetti: http://www.vimeo.com/1317151

Ratings on 25/06/2008

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 54 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 47 Views
=3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 26 Views
=3rd MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 26 Views
5th LITTLE PIG - 15 Views
6th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 13 Views

Ratings on 06/07/2008

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 81 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 64 Views
3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 34 Views
4th MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 33 Views
5th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 30 Views
6th LITTLE PIG - 24 Views

Ratings on 14/07/2008

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 111 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 97 Views
3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 44 Views
4th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 36 Views
5th MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 34 Views
6th LITTLE PIG - 33 Views

Well, the news is that through a mixture of intensive promotion on Facebook I have managed to get UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE over the 100 mark and am nearly there with GO-GO BEAR too. Not only that, but YOU CRAMP MY STYLE has gone up from 6th place to 4th. My goodness - it really is like Top of The Pops. Not to mention that the out-takes video has already been watched by 18 viewers in 4 days.

More news when I've made the videos! :)

Paul x

PS The photo posted today is a little old - but was taken in Amsterdam in November 2005 and taken by my friend Baz...

PPS I'm going back again very soon - cue more stories/poems!?!

Hi,

Since I last posted on the 25th June, on the day I appeared on Radio Wey, the ratings have rocketed up well. :)

I've been talking with Owen about recording more videos in a week or so; I have in mind 3 or 4 poems and maybe a Mouse of Commons short story - depending on how much we can get done. :)

Anyway - more news on that when they're done. For now; the ratings for the vimeo videos are below and don't forget - if you've not seen them they are on www.vimeo.com/shyyeti :)

Ratings on 25/06/2008

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 54 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 47 Views
=3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 26 Views
=3rd MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 26 Views
5th LITTLE PIG - 15 Views
6th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 13 Views

Ratings on 06/07/2008

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 81 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 64 Views
3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 34 Views
4th MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 33 Views
5th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 30 Views
6th LITTLE PIG - 24 Views

More Soon!!

Paul :) x

Hi,

6 years, 7 months and 1 week ago (18th November 2001!) I last appeared on RADIO WEY http://www.radioweyonline.co.uk/, with my friend Tim Mitchell who has been part of the team for over 20 years. So, between 18:00-19:00, between other items we discussed my writing, www.lulu.com, the videos I've recorded lately, the story behind the creation of The Mouse of Commons, the inspiration for , my blogsites, new books and what I think about the future of publishing! (Obviously I said self-publishing is best!) :)

I read two poems in the end; YETI SPAGHETTI and LITTLE PIG and even got to choose two of the tunes that were played: Manic Monday, by The Bangles and Union City Blue, by Blondie.

We took loads of photos - some of them I'll post tonight and some in the next few weeks on here and also on www.mouseofcommons.blogspot.com as we also discussed Gladstone McWhiskers in equal measures to the poetry.

Thanks to Tim for inviting me on his show - hopefully it won't be another 6 and a half years until I return, as it was really good fun! :)

I leave you with Tim's preview to my visit, as I was billed on the Radio Wey website and also with some of the photos.

Enjoy!

Paul :)

CHIT-CHAT - 6.00pm on Wednesday 25th June with Tim Mitchell and guest, local author, Paul Chandler. Paul has written numerous books including his popular Mouse of Commons books. On the show he'll be chatting about his humourous books and reading some of his witty poems.

PHOTOS FROM THE SHOW NIGHT - BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER!!!

I was a little nervous before-hand, as you can see (!!), but soon got into my stride. :) Tim is in the photo 4 pictures down, by the way.

NEW POEMS!!! VIMEO RATINGS!!! RADIO UPDATE!!!

Hi,

Another busy week. I've been busy writing some new poems; one of which - A VOICE IN HIS HEAD, I finished last friday and have posted here.

I'm also reading on hospital radio tonight - so hopefully I will report back on that. I'm hoping to read some of the new ones liked LITTLE PIG and YETI SPAGHETTI and maybe a couple of older ones from the last couple of books. If I get a chance I'll take a photo. :)

The other piece of good news is that as of this very minute we've had 181 viewings of the vimeo.com videos. (I've put a link at the side of this blog so they can be viewed at any time.) So far the most popular poems are as follows:

1st THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE - 54 Views
2nd THE BALLAD OF THE GO-GO BEAR - 47 Views
=3rd YETI SPAGHETTI - 26 Views
=3rd MY MOMENT IS NOW!! - 26 Views
5th LITTLE PIG - 15 Views
6th YOU CRAMP MY STYLE - 13 Views

It's like Top of the Pop - but poetic! :) hehe.

Since they were posted up last week we've had the following viewing figures:

Wed 18 June 08 : 47 Viewers
Thu 19 June 08 : 34 Viewers
Fri 20 June 08 : 09 Viewers
Sat 21 June 08 : 19 Viewers
Sun 22 June 08 : 16 Viewers
Mon 23 June 08 : 13 Viewers
Tue 24 June 08 : 43 Viewers

Thanks for everyone who's watched them - keep on watching. Oh go on, please!

As soon as Owen returns from his trip away we should be recording some more and maybe one of the shorter Mouse of Commons stories for the Mouse blogsite.

Don't forget the new book is available from lulu.com at: http://www.lulu.com/content/2539199

Anyway, here's the new poem.

Paul x

A VOICE IN HIS HEAD…

There was a voice in his head –
But he mostly ignored it…
It only told him the weather;
And he quickly became bored with it…
But it always said “Bless you…”
When he let out a sneeze…
And sometimes read him the menu…
From the chip-shop or Chinese…
Sometimes it gave him the news –
Or his horoscope sign…
Or debated poor Britain’s –
Sad social decline…
Or flattered his dress sense…
Or laughed at his jokes!
Or answered his emails –
And all his rude Facebook pokes…
So, as time swiftly passed…
And his ego was fed…
He relied all the more…
On that voice in his head.

There was a voice in his head…
It chattered on without end…
And in time, it became –
Yes, his very best friend!
It became like a mentor…
Gave advice when required!
And he’d oft let it speak for him –
When he grew overtired…
Well, they gossiped together…
And they bitched; oh, so bitter…
Looked down from ivory towers…
And both let out a titter…
The voice whispered so secretly…
But who knows what about…
It was oh, so persuasive…
It had sown seeds of doubt…
Such words made him so angry…
And he began to see red…
Enraged by the lies –
From that voice in his head…

There was a voice in his head;
With an accent of spite…
Could it be they’d fall out?
Well, it seemed they just might!
Their discussions transformed;
Well, they both disagreed.
Such an unhealthy friendship –
Which he just didn’t need…
The voice started to mock him;
And acted ever-so rash…
And turned on him; angry –
As quick as a flash!
So, the fury it flew…
Such an unpleasant fight…
“If I asked you to leave;
Do you think that you might?”
He did order his muse…
And it’s taunting fell dead…
A sudden silence remained…
Gone – the voice in his head!

There was a voice in his head…
Which rose up to a shout!
It had driven him crazy…
So, he’d driven it out!
It had filled him with fear;
With a rage that dispersed…
But he soon really missed it;
The voice that once he had cursed!
In secret he prayed;
That they’d be reunited…
He begged in his dreams;
And he grew quite excited!
“Very well…” said the voice.
Crisp and clear as a bell.
“Let us make up; not break up!
I’ve missed you, as well…”
Those words from his saviour…
No longer filled him with dread!
Now he realised;
He just couldn’t live without –
That sly voice in his head…

A VOICE IN HIS HEAD - Copyright Paul Chandler, 2008.

PAUL RECORDS NEW POEMS FOR WWW.VIMEO.COM/SHYYETI SITE

Hi,

I've recorded 6 of the new poems from the SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION book and posted them on my new VIMEO profile.

The poems I have read are YETI SPAGHETTI, YOU CRAMP MY STYLE, THE BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR..., MY MOMENT IS NOW!!!, LITTLE PIG and THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE.

Here are some stills from the videos; the full videos can be viewed on www.vimeo.com/shyyeti










FROM THE VIDEO FOR: YETI SPAGHETTI










FROM THE VIDEO FOR: YOU CRAMP MY STYLE!!










FROM THE VIDEO FOR: THE BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR...










FROM THE VIDEO FOR: MY MOMENT IS NOW!!!










FROM THE VIDEO FOR: LITTLE PIG










FROM THE VIDEO FOR: THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE

Not only can you watch the videos on www.vimeo.com/shyyeti - but I have posted one of them (LITTLE PIG) at the end of this post.

Thanks to Owen for all his help with the videos!!

I hope you enjoy them!!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul x

PS I am also due to be reading some of the new poems on local hospital radio next wednesday - so more about that if and when it happens, nearer the time.

ANOTHER NEW POEM FROM THE NEW COLLECTION!! :)

Hi,

Having announced the new book last week: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION, as promised I have included another of the new poems for this blog entry. Not only this, but also a couple of photos taken in Southwold and the surrounding area this weekend. I'll probably be posting more of the photos from the Southwold trip on the Mouse of Commons site soon as I have been working on a new short story set there! :)

Enjoy the new poem! :)

Paul xx

PS Other than working on photos and Mouse short stories I should probably mention that I came up with a few possible verses for some new poems... Hold this space and maybe next year I may even be talking to you about ANOTHER book of poems. Uh oh... hehe. :)


DIAGONAL CAT…


Diagonal cat –You can’t do that!
Lie horizontal –
Worse still, flat!
Climb the curtains –
In your drawers!
Shave your fur;
Or file your claws!!
I wouldn’t want;
Long nails like yours!!
Diagonal cat –
Diagonal cat –
What darn tomfoolery –
Is you at!?
Are you waiting?
For applause?
You’ve got a big job –
On your paws....
Born on a slope;
In a cravat...
You slanty angled –
Pussy cat!!

Unruly mule –Was brought up cruel…
He holds his hooves up!
Suggests a duel!
Seems he fancies;
Getting sued!
How quite uncouth -
To start a feud, now;
With a donkey;
Very crude!
Unruly mule –
Unruly mule –
His youth spent fighting –
Back in school;
He’s burning up;
He starts to brood;
He gets into –
A dreadful mood!
A well-aimed punch –
It makes him drool!
What an ill-mannered;
Violent mule!


World-weary snake…A bad mistake…
He liked to dine on;
Mouldy cake!
Once tried to eat;
A full-sized goat;
It tasted good –
Which got his vote!
But, alas, it got –
Stuck in his throat!!
World-weary snake...
World-weary snake...
Oh, what difference –
Does it make!
The food inside him;
Made him bloat;
Up in the air;
Began to float!
He coughed it up then;
Wide-awake...
He nearly choked;
That stupid snake!!

Growly beast!Just scoffed a feast;
Ought to have shared;
Some food, at least!!
But no; ate it all!
Yes, every bite!
Full to bursting now!
He’s quite a sight!
SQUELCH!!!
EXPLODED!!!
What a fright!
Growly beast!!
Growly beast!!
So then his life;
It swiftly ceased!
Well, please don’t think me;
Impolite!!
Such a shame he couldn’t;
Get it right...
They had to call;
The local priest;
Who ate him raw;
Oh, what a hasty, tasty growly beast!!

SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION: NEW BOOK IS RELEASED...

Okay... So, the new book was due out on the 29th May, but I sat up really late to finish it last night! So, it's ready - mainly thanks to the busy proofreading of Mr Tom Crittenden, who helped me make the final changes on Tuesday night...

There are 3 versions available on www.lulu.com.

A B&W paperback edition for £8.99, which can be found at http://www.lulu.com/content/2539199

A colour paperback edition for £19.99, which can be found at http://www.lulu.com/content/2551422

A colour hardback edition for £24.99, which can be found at http://www.lulu.com/content/2539507

Each edition has a different cover, using various photos which appeared in the cover choice poll in my photo section.

Check out the books and the covers! :)

By the way - we now have more than 50 members in the Facebook fan club! So, thanks everyone for joining! :) The link is http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=13952461897

I'll post another of the new poems next week.

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Additionally, I'll be selling copies at my book launch - which will probably be in August or September. I've not decided yet. I know, it's a while off - but I want to have a book party for this book and the two new Mouse of Commons books all at the same time. More details when I have them. :)

P.P.S. I'll be reading some of my new poems on local hospital radio on Wednesday 25th June. More on that nearer the time.

P.P.P.S. I'm hoping to record a CD of the poems in this book sometime over the summer. Those who have heard my SHY YETI'S FINEST HOME-BREWED VERSE CD have given me enough kind encouragement to make me want to record a second CD. Thanks everyone, I'm looking forward to doing another. :)

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for waffling - it's very late! :) *growl*

Hi,

The new books of poems is almost done and should be available to purchase from Friday 30th May 2008.

Here's a further glimpse of the cover.

More soon!!

Paul x

Hi!

Just to let everyone know that the new book of verse is up on Lulu.com. I've just sent off for my finished copies to see what it looks like; so it's not officially launched yet. Some friends have asked when they can buy it; I wouldn't yet - until I've seen my copy - incase I find any further typos - but I wanted everyone to be able to have a look at it.

The ALMOST finished book is available at http://www.lulu.com/content/2539199

If you check out the Preview and had made a comment on the cover photo on my Facebook site, then you should be able to see if I've creditted you too.

More coming soon as the two Mouse books I've been working on are nearly done and some of you will have received copies of the CD of my poems that I recorded last year.

I also have to set a date for the next book launch! :)

Paul xxx

PS I'm having great trouble loading up the front cover; so this is the back, for now!!

ANOTHER NEW POEM HOT OFF THE PRESS!!! :)


SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION is very nearly completed now; although I have added half a dozen or so additional poems during the editing process. New titles include: I NEVER SAY NO TO PIE, IT'S ALL GREEK TO ME, DIAGONAL CAT, ABOVE THE SKY and the new piece below: THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU...


On other, equally as important matters, the pictures of the pie that my friend Dan made me the other day; needless to say I have included it in the new book - which I hope to be finished and ready for Lulu.com by the start of June. For those of you who are interested in things like this; the pie's name was Gladis and she was a beautifully tasting cheese and onion pie. Yum. :)

A date for the book launch remains undecided, at present, depending on when the two Mouse of Commons books are also ready.


Enjoy the new poem! :) Paul xx

THEY WARNED ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU…


They warned me about people like you!
They advised I avoided your sort…
To pretend that I just didn’t see you…
To be certain I never got caught…
To ensure that you would not pervert me!
Or endanger my angelic ways…
Well, it’s safer to lock up your daughters –
And prudency always it pays…


They warned me about people like you!
They said you were after my cash…
They told me you were slightly unsightly;
And that maybe you’d give me a rash!
They mentioned you looked a bit shifty;
That you’d ruined some innocent lives!
They seemed certain that you were a scoundrel!
And they listed your thirty-six wives!


They warned me about people like you!
They said you were out for yourself…
That you wanted to get in me knickers;
And if you tried, you would do so with stealth!
They said you’d try showing me puppies!
To lure me deep into your den!
They gave me a lot of lewd details…
But what I wanna know now, is just – WHEN!?


They warned me about people like you!
They claimed you were simply demented!
They smothered me with their affection;
So that my halo it wouldn’t get dented!
They panicked and tried to prevent me!
From hearing the outrageous truth!
I had my own CCTV system fitted –
And became totally burglar proof…


They warned me about people like you!
They wanted to spoil all my fun!
They claimed that I needed protecting;
Seems they thought I was some kind of nun!
Quite simply they never considered…
That I’m approving of all that you do…
That I might have some tricks of my own, see…
Or that I might be HELLA more sinful than you!


They warned me about people like you!
Cos they believed you were, oh, so unkind…
But I've been searching for years with no luck…
And you bounders are so tough to find!
But I found you and I’m ready for action!
Come here boys; you’ve got nothing to fear!!
They warned me ‘bout fellas like you,
But rejoice – cos I turned a deaf ear!


Yeti - Copyright Bearsoup 2007-2008.

WORLD TOUR REPORT: DERBY GIG A SUCCESS!!! :)

Above. Before the gig = rather nervous on the coach up...

Above. After the gig = well really! :)

Hi,

Just to report back about my poetry reading on Thursday 3rd April 2008, in Derby. There was a nice turn out of people; somewhere between 20 and 30; it was hard to tell as the reading was at a drop-in centre and some of the people who saw the first half of the reading had to leave by the time I did the second half and new people had arrived by then. I have included a couple of photos from the day and will include the set list below. :) I was really pleased with all the questions I was asked; the audience really seemed to engaged with what I read and asked questions relating to specific things in the poems; which was great. I got a little plug in for the YETI SPAGHETTI collection and showed off Bearsoup's cover and also left some fliers about the site and sold a few copies of WOOED AWAKENINGS. All in all it gave me confidence to do further readings and perhaps a bit of cabaret; as I've been asked to consider it. :)

Thanks to my good friend Paul Hillier for arranging this and to Andy, Rob, Alex and everyone for making me feel welcome and looking after me during my visit. :)

Thanks also to Julie, Harry, Steve, Ben, Sean, Neph, Stephan, Dan and anyone else I have forgotten to mention for their help during the weeks leading up to the reading; for listening to me practice my reading. Most of all though - endless thanks to Tom for all his help - over a period of weeks he patiently sat through about 5 or 6 hours of me reading poems to see which ones worked best.

Whilst away I have been busily putting the finishing touches to the SHY YETI poetry collection and hopefully by the next time I post I should have a proper release date to announce. :)

At the end of this post is one of the poems from the Derby reading; included in WOOED AWAKENINGS and one of my earliest volumes from about 2001; SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME... When I was reading this one to Tom and others I always got so much of a giggle reading it and it seemed to go down well on the night too.

Here's the "set list", as promised! It was mainly poems from the first 8 collections, the first half from the repackaged WOOED AWAKENINGS and the 2nd half from the repackaged WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS, which should be due out the same time as the new SHY YETI volume. :)


Main reading...

THE TRUE LIGHT
I SHOULD NEVER
(YOU ARE) MY LAST LOVE UNTIL THE NEXT ONE
THIRD TIME LUCKY
COMPUTER DATING
NEVER AT HOME
SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME!!!
WOULD YOU DENY US?
WHO CARES?
OH, FLORENCE!!!
A ROSEY-TINTED LIFE
PARTY GIRL
PICCADILLY CIRCUS
GOOD HUG
OTHERWISE ENGAGED

End of evening reading...

SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA
INGRID BERGMAN'S NOSE
WORN ROMANTIC
YOU DON'T EXIST
I WANT YOU NOW (NO I DON'T!)
I WANNA BE A ROCK-STAR GROUPIE!
BEING COY

Above. Don't worry, Paul - it'll all be fine!! :)

Above. See!! Told ya so! :)

Enjoy the poem! :) Hears hoping I get to do some more readings in the near future... You've heard of Pam Ayres... Well, I'm Pam Bears!!! :)

Paul xx


SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME!!!


So much love -
So little time…
In love again -
Is that a crime!?

6 am : The breakfast news…
The Weather Man has lovely(!) shoes!
7 am : The Milkman comes -
Bills need paying - can't do the sums!
He stands there dripping - summer rain…
I feel it happen -
In love again!

8 am : The walk to work…
Flirting with an office clerk!
9 am : The bus is slow…
A dishy driver! (Lusting so!)
He revs his engine - honks his horn!
A shame he's married -
My heart's forlorn!

10 am : The In-tray cleared…
Swoon! New photocopy boy's appeared!
11 am : The Coffee queue…
Spot workmen working! (What a view!)
Eyes all turn - those guys are fit!
Another crush!
My heart can't quit!

12 O'clock : client on the phone…
What a voice! (His name is Tone!)
1 pm : We meet for lunch…
I think he likes me - it's just a hunch!
Work's forgotten - we steal a kiss!
Again I'm smitten -
It's utter bliss!

2 pm : The boardroom meet -
Playing footsie from my seat!
3 pm : We take a break -
Romantic texts - for goodness sake!
Then pinch the senior partners arse -
Surprised t'was me -
Who made the pass…

4 pm : My text returned…
"Not today!" (I'm feeling spurned…)
5 pm : The end of day…
I like the cleaner - so I stay…
He's wearing jeans - they're really tight…
In love again!
For sure - too right!

6 pm : Again the train!
Making eyes - I make it plain!
7 pm : The weekly shop…
Around the aisles I gaily hop…
And sure enough! (An inward sigh!)
In love again…
The check-out guy!

8 pm : Traffic warden blues!!
Another guy with massive - shoes! 
9 pm : I meet with Tone…
He comes on strong, "Just stop!" I groan!
Seen someone else - Tone takes a hike!
Snog the Bouncer next!
What am I like!?!

10 pm : One more - then slumbers!
Bar man's nice - we swap phone numbers!
11 pm : A taxi ride…
Which man was best - I can't decide!
The driver's cute - gives me the wink…
He'd love a coffee…
Invite to drink…

So many men - no time to lose…
This rollercoaster ride I choose!
And so to sleep - for lusty dreams!
I wake refreshed - or so it seems…
The Milk man's back, heart beats in haste -
I'll ask him in -
No time to waste!


So many men -
So little time…
So full of love -
That ain't no crime!

Hi,

Just some news about the final "track-listing" of my new collection of poems: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION. The titles below are the ones that are ready to go...

A LIFE TOGETHER…
ALL GIVE – NO TAKE…
BABIES LIKE MY FACE…
THE BALLAD OF A GO-GO BEAR…
THE BALLAD OF CAUSEY HILL…
A BEAR ALWAYS HAS AN ITCH…
BELLY BUTTON FLUFF TEA...
BREAKING UP IS HARDER...
CAR BOOT SALE LOVE…
CLOTH EARS…
A DAGGER IN YOUR BACK…
THE DAY THAT BEAR FELL OUT OF BED…
FASTER PUSSYCAT, PURR – PURR…
FLOOZY…
GONE TOO FAR…
GROOVE…
HER BETRAYER…
HIGH HEELS…
HUEY’S ON THE TOWN AGAIN…
I COULD HAVE ANYONE…
I DON’T MIND (I REALLY DON’T…)
I’VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE FOR YOU…
I KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE TOGETHER…
IN PUBLIC!!
IT’S A FAIR COP…
LITTLE PIG…
MAKING BADGES FOR BADGERS…
MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL…
MY MOMENT IS NOW…
OGRES ON ROLLERSKATES…
PEDRO THE HIGH-CLASS MOTH…
PERVERSE ON PURPOSE…
PIE CRIMES…
RABBITS DON’T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE…
SERENADING SHEEP…
SHE WORE A SEAGULL ON HER HEAD…
THE SOLEMN SALAMANDER…
SOMETHING IN MY COFFEE…
THE SONG OF ALENA AND I…
THE STAND-UP CHAMELEON…
SUPER YETI AND COSMIC BEAR…
TELL IT LIKE IT IS…
THEIR SPECIAL DAY…
THERE’S SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE (EVEN FOR YOU…)
THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE…
WEARING THE SHOE ‘TIL IT FITS…
WHY DON’T DRAGONS CLEAN THEIR TEETH…
YOU ARE THE NIGHTMARE THAT KEEPS OTHER NIGHTMARES AWAKE…
YOUR TINY PAW IS FROZEN…
YETI SPAGHETTI…
YOU’RE TOO YOUNG FOR ME…
YOU CRAMP MY STYLE…
X-RAY TED...

I'll be doing final re-writes next week and hopefully passing it under the nose of my expert proofreader, Mr Tom Crittenden before it goes to print and then hopefully it'll be ready by the start of May. I'm hoping to launch it properly around the start of June along with WOOED AWAKENINGS, WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS (my two repackaged books of relationshop poems from the first 8 collections) and also the next two Mouse of Commons books: THE FURTHER SQUEAKS OF GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS and GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY; which are currently in their final stages at the moment.

In addition to this I have my first proper go at performance poetry this Thursday. I shall be reporting more about this when I return. I have previously read on hospital radio and at two weddings, but this is the first time where I shall be reading continuously for almost an hour from a mixture of the two "WOOED" books and also some of my other favourites.

THE APRIL WORLD TOUR BEGINS AND ENDS IN DERBY!!!

Wish me luck and enjoy the new poem: X-RAY TED, for which I want to thank my fantabulous friend Tom Crittenden for allowing me to use his title. It's along the same lines as LITTLE BIG; but the story is different and it'll be the last poem in the new collection. :)

I'll be selecting the 4 photos for the 2 versions of the book that I'll be releasing; a paperback B&W edition and a colour hardback edition. The paperback and hardback versions will have different covers. :)

More soon!

Paul xx

X-RAY TED...
(02/04/2008)

X-ray Ted,
Can see it all...
X-ray Ted,
Belle of the ball...
His glasses on...
He'll try and cruise 'em -
Or if they're wicked...
He'll sure confuse 'em...
Sees through their lies -
And them 'n' all...
Quite literally!
He's got some gall...

X-ray Ted...
Gets down 'n' dirty...
X-ray Ted,
Is way too flirty...
Round him -
They all wear lead knickers...
He sits there drooling -
Eating Snickers...
He sees their pants...
It makes him moody!
All this anticipation -
Just makes him broody...

X-ray Ted...
He sees 'em dressing...
X-ray Ted!
Oh, how distressing!!.
Why can't he keep his eyes averted?
With age he just grows -
More perverted...
Where does he get -
This habit from?
Did he do a BTEC -
In Peeping Tom?

X-ray Ted...
He should know better...
X-ray Ted...
Receives a letter...
"Dear Ted, STOP -
Looking at me Mrs..."
It says; plus -
Several other disses...
But X-ray Ted won't -
Cease his staring...
He's watching closely...
How's he faring?

X-ray Ted...
Sad things occurring...
X-ray Ted...
His vision's blurring...
They clobbered him -
And smashed his glasses...
A pack of misfits -
From the middle classes...
Crushed his specs -
Oh, how unnerving!!
Now Ted can't do -
His daily perving...

X-ray Ted...
Not telepathic...
X-ray Ted...
His memory though is photographic...
He still peers around;
He don't need curing...
Out of focus life...
Still looks alluring!
He just sees a blob now...
But doesn't care...
'Cos in his head;
Still sees them ladies; bare...

X-ray Ted...
Is never sated...
What a mucky pup...
That chap is just so damn X-rated...

OUT AND ABOUT ON THE SEARCH FOR A COVER PHOTO...

Well, as the new book is named after my alter-ego SHY YETI, for once I have decided to appear on the front cover of one of my poetry books. I was out and about on the snowy fields above the village of Shere, in Surrey today - taking lots of daft photos; some of which may appear on the front cover of SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION.

But which one will make the cover!? Hold this space... Believe me... There are loads!! Oh! What have you all done to deserve this!?! lol!



PS A little known fact: The glasses which I wear in these photos are ones I used to wear at school when I was about 8 or 9! :) hehe

PPS I shall be doing a final proofreading for the new book during the 2nd week of April and then I shall post a finished list of the poems appearing in the book; as well as another new poem and details of when the new book will be available from Lulu.com. :)

Howdo!

I've started to put together the next collection of new poems; which was originally going to be called THE PIE-CRUST E.P., because it was going to be a short collection; then became SHY YETI'S PIE-CRUST E.P - but is now; because I already have over 40 new compositons, going to be a full length collection and will be entitled: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION. Okay; so it's a bit of a mouthful (a pastry filled mouthful, one hopes!), but I thought it was time that Shy Yeti got a mention; being he is my poetic alter-ego in the Mouse of Commons books and elsewhere.

I'm also preparing for my poetry reading in Derby on Thursday 3rd April where I shall be mostly reading from the new compilation: WOOED AWAKENINGS, as well as reading a few new pieces and some old favourites.

In addition to this, and as well as completing two new Mouse of Commons books, I am putting the finishing touches to WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS; a second repackaged volume of relationship related poems taken from my collections THE AUTUMNAL E.P., LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED, MUGSHOTS and POETIQUETTE. Finally I'm also still working on SINGLES FILE - a collection of all the poems that I've put on this and other blogsites over the years. Unfortunately, YETI SPAGHETTI, the collection of children's poems that I was working on with illustrator, Bearsoup, has had to be put on hold until Mr Soup has a little less work on. Hopefully this will progress later in the year as I've been receiving a lot of good word about the cover for the book which I posted on here a couple of months back, now.

Anyway - here's a new poem which I'll be including in SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION, which I wrote this very morning and seems to have come out fully formed and ready for human consumption almost straight away! :)

Enjoy!

More soon - with further details of next month's poetry reading and progress on the various collections. :)

Take care!

Paul x


YOU CRAMP MY STYLE…
(12/03/2008)


You cramp my style…
That’s not allowed...
You’re like some kind –
Of human shroud!
You drown me out…
That whining groan…
I’m so much better –
On my own…
Perhaps that’s mean;
Tough luck. Hard cheese.
Home truths like this –
Aren’t meant to please…


You cramp my style –
You swamp my life…
Some people think…
We’re man and wife!
Some people think…
We’re twins! Good grief!
I’d love to gag you;
Sweet relief!!
I’d love to keep you –
Inside a crate…
I repeat, once more;
I’m not your mate…


You cramp my style…
You piss me off…
Hey – here’s a cocktail!!
Molotov!
You’re an iron band –
Around my day!
There’s a busy road, love…
Go and play!
You stare at me…
Unsure what you’ve done…
Well, there’s a cliff…
Now off you run…


You cramp my style…
You make me puke…
That I’ve not killed you;
Some kind of fluke…
You’re just too sweet…
Too much; too nice…
You limit me…
Take my advice!!
It’s sad, but true…
You cramp my style…
It’s not you, my sweet…
Just me; I’m vile…