IF POEMS WERE PIES

NOW AVAILABLE!!!

Description:
A freshly baked collection of poems for 2009 from Paul Chandler, including 60 new compositions and plenty of daft photos of the writer, his friends, his pets and his pies. Contains the current favourites: THE BEAR WHO KNEW TOO MUCH, CHILLI PEPPER FINGERS, THE DAGENHAM DIVA, DISGUSTING OF TUNBRIDGE WELLS, DO KITTENS DRINK CUSTARD?, HOW IS HE?, THE KING OF RHYME, SWAGGER, TOO SLUSHY FOR SNOWMEN, A VOICE IN HIS HEAD, WHATEVER and the title verse: IF POEMS WERE PIES.

Printed: 192 pages, 6" x 9", perfect binding, black and white interior ink

Printed: £9.99 + P&P
Download: £5.00

Available to buy from: http://www.lulu.com/content/5427735

As you can see from above my new collection of verse: IF POEMS WERE PIES, is now available and I have included the title poem at the bottom of this post.

I am already very busy with the next collection and have written over 30 new poems since the beginning of the year which will be part of this next book which will be entitled: CAVEMAN LOGIC. This coming sunday, 1st March 2009 also sees me doing a gig at 7pm at The Poetry Cafe in Covent Garden, London! Do come along if you can!!

More soon - with an update next week of how the gig actually went!!

Enjoy the poem!

Yeti hugs,

Paul :)

IF POEMS WERE PIES

If poems were pies –
I'd read a lot of verse…
I'd consume a lot of rhyming –
Keep a poem in my purse…
I'd read a poem every morning –
And 12 more to just be sure…
I'd have a poem for elevenses!
Those kind of words I could endure!
If poems they were gateau –
At my heart-strings they would pull!
If poems they were pies…
Then I'd eat a whole bookshop full...

If poems were pies –
I'd queue hours for a sonnet…
I'd immerse myself in elegies –
Then I'd sprinkle thyme upon it!
I'd make a lovely suet pudding –
Maybe invite the local priest...
Then I'd celebrate great literature –
And have a really splendid feast!
Gimme Plath; her darker moments –
Oh yes, I'd happily fly through!
If poems they were pies…
Then I'd even grow to love haiku...

If poems were pies –
I would cover them in sauce…
I'd drown them all in gravy –
I would tap them out in morse!
I would read so many poems –
Until they took me in a hearse…
For me poetry is pastry!
To me pies some sacred verse!
A holy book to be consulted –
A blessed text that must be lauded!
If poems they were pies...
Then they were baked to be applauded!

If poems were pies –
I'd keep coming back for more…
I'd devour every ditty –
With an insatiable awe…
I'd have a poem served with custard –
Baked so crispy by the sun…
For it were poems made me porky!
Odes that made me weigh a ton!
Give me limericks for dinner…
Just to make sure I'll survive!
Yes, if pies were also poems…
I’d be the most well-read man alive!!

NEW POEM - HOT OFF THE PRESS!!

Hi,

This is a new poem, just finished today - and only really a first draft and will hopefully appear in my next full collection in 2009, tentatively entitled PIE-TRY IN MOTION. It's a bit like a Guy Ritchie film. In rhyme. Actually, it's probably nothing like one at all - but it is about revenge. Best served cold, of course - rather like certain tasty pies, as it happens! :) Oh yes!

If you've not seen the photos from the recent book launch then please see the previous post.

Enjoy!

Paul x

SWAGGER
(16/09/08)

He's got a definite swagger…
The way that he walks…
Charms all whom he speaks with…
It’s just the way that he talks!
It's the way that he woos them…
The way he can smile…
They dream he's their future…
Soon to head up that aisle…
He's got a definite something –
That is hard to surmise!
From the cut of his suit –
To the shoes that he buys…
He's got a glint in his eye…
He's a born again blagger…
As he dives on the dance-floor;
With his signature swagger…

He's got a nonchalant saunter…
Like the cat with the cream –
He's some poor girl's worst nightmare!
He's some brother's wet dream…
He's so full of himself –
But he won't fill up you;
Like a balloon keeps inflating;
His ego just grew.
He might miss your birthday –
But he won't miss a trick…
Needs his attitude punctured –
What a smooth-talking prick…
He's got his master-plan sorted –
His wit sharp as a dagger…
Thinks he's Mister Terrific!
Cheap celebrity shagger…

He's got a self-satisfied stride…
But let's see his mask slip!
Kick him hard in the ankles…
Just to see that brat trip!
He's just too picture perfect…
He's just built to annoy…
I'll get his blood on my hands -
But keep playing it coy…
Let him have his cruel fun!
Let the man misbehave…
I've been down in the woods -
Digging him a nice shallow grave…
Such a talentless freak;
Sweet invincible bragger…
Well, I'm removing the skip -
From his insufferable swagger…

He's got an arrogant swagger -
But he's run out of time…
It is some kind of miracle -
That he's not seen the sign…
Well, I'm getting the boys in…
And he's set in their sights…
When he ripped out my heart -
He went and checked out his rights…
See him choke in disgust…
On the bitter sweet taste -
Of his own medicine -
All the air that he stole was a terrible waste…
Put a gun to his head…
See the fear in his stagger…
A quick tweak of the trigger should -
Soon put an end to his swagger...

Thanks to Chris and Amber for the use of the photo of their fox; Fleabag - who also appears in a forthcoming Mouse of Commons story. I thought the character in the poem was probably as cunning as a fox. Hence the connection! :)

HELLO!!!!

INTRODUCING: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR...

This has just been loaded onto www.lulu.com in three different formats!

I'll be officially launching the book tomorrow and posting the links to the site.

Hope you like the cover - the grafitti was found on a wall in Venice in December 2006.

Take care,

More soon!

Paul x