HAPPY CHRISTMAS - ANOTHER NEW POEM!!!

Hi,

Just a quick MERRY CHRISTMAS and the chance to share another of my new poems with you! :) It's not really Christmassy, at all - except for one small reference towards the end of verse 3.

Never mind, I hope you enjoy it! :)

Happy New Year - see you in 2008!!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE.
(20-23/12/2007)

Rabbits don't really like lettuce...
They prefer to eat slices of brie!
In between digging deep cosy burrows...
And bouncing about full of glee!
They don't enjoy chomping on brussels...
Or eating fresh shoots every day!
They would rather eat something more classy...
Caviar on a fine silver tray -
But sometimes such wishes don't come true...
And bunnies don't get all they dream!
Like black forest gateau at dinner...
Just get green leaves and cheap squirty cream...
(If they're lucky!!)

Rabbits don't really like broad beans -
They regard them as tasteless and trite...
They just eat them because it's expected.
They just eat them because it's polite.
They would much rather dine out on truffles...
They don't like eating stuff that is bland.
They do not wish a life eating salad...
They'd prefer that their waistlines expand...
But the only way bunnies get podgy -
Is by scoffing down trifle with ease...
And waving farewell to dull carrots;
Or by turning a blind eye to peas...

Rabbits pulls faces at daisies...
It's not what they'd happily eat.
Grass is so terribly yawnful -
Not something you'd have as a treat.
Treacle tart piled high with custard.
Creme brulee; ye old Christmas pud...
Not everyone choses to eat it -
But bunnies most certainly would!!
Rabbits don't really like lettuce...
There's no doubt they are simply a bore...
Whilst gateau and other such lovelies...
Are the things that all bunnies adore!!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS 2007!!!

Hi,

Just a quick post to say HELLO - MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This post contains a couple of items hot off the press. The excellent fantabulous illustration is by my glamorous assistant (or am I his glamorous assistant; we're yet to decide.) At the time of posting we are hoping that this will be the cover of YETI SPAGHETTI, my collection of children's poems which Bearsoup is illustrating; hopefully to be available by Summer 2008.

The second treat is the poem of the same name - to go with this collection - which I have been working on sporadically for a while now; but which is now finally completed. Well, it was only completed at lunchtime today; so this may still be a draft - but it's certainly hot off the press.

I hope you enjoy it and the cover.

More in the new year!!

Paul xx

YETI SPAGHETTI
(16-18/12/2007)

Are you looking for something -
You haven’t found yet?
Try out yeti spaghetti -
It's as good as you'll get...


Oh, yeti spaghetti -
Isn’t made out of yeti…
Yeti spaghetti -
Doesn't taste like confetti…
It is slippy and slidey -
It's a little like eels…
But a yeti gets used -
To the way that it feels…
As he sits in a bath -
Made from fresh pasta hoops -
Slurping all kinds of -
Extra-terrestrial soups…
As he sits in the slop -
With his bright plastic ducks…
He'd not swap his position -
For a million bucks!


Yeti spaghetti -
Is important not petty…
Yeti spaghetti's -
So hot you'll get sweaty…
But it makes you feel good -
Like cappuchino with foam -
Like an icing clad cupcake…
Like your own home sweet home…
It is good for your pores -
Keeps your fur nice and trim -
Makes you glow deep within -
Stops you feeling dead grim;
There is nothing quite like it…
No, nothing that works -
With a top secret recipe -
It's just one of life's perks…


Yeti spaghetti -
It's best eaten when wet -
Yeti spaghetti -
When you're down the laundrette…
When you're still half asleep -
When you're half in a dream;
Yeti spaghetti -
With a tub of ice cream…
With a pie on the side;
With a cake close at hand…
All helps yeti spaghetti;
Taste incredibly grand…
It will make you feel tall…
Even when you are small…
Yeti spaghetti;
Is the best food of them all…


So, if you're feeling quite low -
Or if you're full of regret…
Just remember;
Yeti spaghetti;
Soon will help you forget...

WINTER 2007 NEWS UPDATE!!!!

Hi,

I've not posted for a little while, as I'm currently in various different stages of a number of books that I hope will be coming out in Spring 2008. There are four poetry books so far; WOOED AWAKENINGS and WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS, which I've already mentioned to a certain extent which are repackaged relationship collections from my first 8 books up to POETIQUETTE in 2005; the first book covering the books 1-4 and the 2nd books 5-8. There are a couple of new poems in both collections. There is also the SINGLES FILE collection of the poems I have posted on this site over the last 5 or more years, which will also contains 20 or 30 new pieces.

In addition to this I am also working on a book of children's poems with my friend Bearsoup. I'm writing some new pieces and chosing my favourites from all my 10 poetry collections so far. Bearsoup is going to be illustrating them and the aim is to produce a full colour collection to publish on www.lulu.com.

Other than this I am embarking on final proof-reading on two other Mouse of Commons books; one a novel: GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY and the other a second collection of short stories entitled: THE FURTHER SQUEAKS OF GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS, which I hope to be ready by Spring 2008, if I can find me a few new proof-readers. As well as this I am working on the writing process on some other Mouse projects and am currently posting my third internet Mouse adventure since October. The three stories: GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE SANDCASTLE OF DOOM, GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE PHANTOM PIE-CRAWL and GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE LOST CITY OF BEARCELONA will also later be appearing in a fully-fledged collection of Mouse short stories later in 2008 and I plan to write at least one further internet exclusive story during the first quarter of 2008.

Anyway - here's one of the new poems that I hope will be appearing in YETI SPAGHETTI, the children's collection that I mentioned earlier. Hope you like it. This was written in bed after a night out on the tiles, with sleepiness still snoring in my earlobes as I wrote it.

Bye for now. Seasons greetings!!

Paul xx

LITTLE PIG…
03/11/07

Little pig -
A real bright spark!
Little pig...
Hides in the dark...
The older pigs -
They laugh and snigger...
But little pig -
He's growing bigger!
They won't laugh long…
The last laugh's his -
Sweet little pig -
Won't lose his fizz…

Little pig -
He's never naughty!
Little pig…
He's pink and snorty!
His curly tail -
They love to tweak…
Gets longer seems -
Now, every week!
Poor little pig -
He'll become more tougher…
He's joined a gym -
To grow still buffer!!

Little pig -
He's discotastic…
Little pig…
Takes measures drastic!
To stop the fiends -
Who bully him;
Who make each day…
So very grim…
In his school bag -
Hides something viler…
A large and snarly;
Pet Rottweiller!!!

Little pig -
He's well respected!
Little pig -
Now well protected!
The other creatures -
All treat him beaut…
In fact some have been -
Known to salute!
They're dead polite now,
Yup - no fakin',
Pig's pet Rottweiller -
Sure saved HIS bacon!

Hi,

Another new poem - hot off the press. Two days in a row!! These new ones will be appearing in my WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS collection and in the SINGLES FILE collection of BLOG posts, next year.

Also - just to let everyone know that the WOOED AWAKENINGS collection is now available. I'm not marketing it in any major way, at the moment - as it has been put together for a reading that I am doing next year and is effectively a repackaged collection of my early relationship poems; hence people who have my early books will already have the content.

Still - take a look. The details can be found at: http://www.lulu.com/content/1240988

The new poem is called GROOVE. I hope you enjoy it!

Paul xx

GROOVE
(18/10/07)

I make no excuse when I'm dancing -
For my eyes and the way that they play…
For the manner they seek out your body…
You are hot and you're staying that way…
I accept that you're more than just looks, hun…
But on the dancefloor, that's all that applies…
There is no need for further solutions…
There is no need for wherefores nor whys…
Cos, when I see you get down on the dancefloor…
When I see every way that you move…
I just know that I want your attention…
And I know that we've just gotta groove…

Sorry's they just aren't forthcoming...
For the way that you're making me feel…
I just know my libido is bubblin'…
I just know that our chemistry's real…
When we dance hip-to-hip on the dancefloor…
Those few moments are getting me high…
Lip-to-lip, locked together forever…
And to think I was once, oh so shy!!
Cos, when we're wrapped tight on the dancefloor…
Seems there's nothing remaining to prove!
Each moment to me's truly heaven…
When we get on the floor - in the groove…

No-one sees us whenever we're dancing…
They are all in their own little world…
Come alive on this midnight occasion…
Our desire it seems now unfurled…
The rhythm of love, sure it's beating…
It's a cliché - but yes, I'm your man…
You're my handsome white knight, dressed in armour…
And I'm holding you close whilst I can…
For those minutes cocooned on the dancefloor…
Whispered sweet nothing's to soothe…
I am yours - surely, yes, I'm your puppet…
As we get on down into the groove...

I make no excuse, when we're dancing…
If we act like a pair of young fools…
To think you might dance with another…
I get green-eyed, my jealousy fuels…
The lights flash - the music is pumping…
All my love-you's and every word…
Is lost there - cast out on the dancefloor…
All my passion for you goes unheard…
Don't let me go when we're down there, just dancing…
I memorise every move…
When you're gone - close my eyes; start reliving…
Precious nights when we drowned in the groove...

Hello...

Hot off the press.... Enjoy!!

Paul xx

ALL GIVE, NO TAKE...

I don't mean to impose, dear...
i don't mean to intrude...
I don't mean to be forward...
Nor even be rude!
I don't mean to make trouble...
Or to drive you insane...
I just want to be certain -
I just need to be plain!!
Cos, I caught you a-peeking...
And I just want you to know -
If you want my affection...
Then I'm here - good to go...

I'm yours for the loving -
I'm not on the make...
I'm yours for the night -
I am all give - no take...
I'm all yours, no contract...
I'm the real deal, no fake...
So whatever, you need -
I'm your best big mistake!!

I don't mean to sound weird, hun...
I don't mean to be bold...
But are you looking for someone -
To snuggle or hold!?
I don't wish to sound flirty -
Even though that I am!
But if you're living a lie -
Or your love's in a jam...
If you need some carressing -
Or a long passionate kiss...
I'm the one here for you...
The kind you don't wanna miss!!

I'm yours for the keeping -
Jumping out from the cake...
I'm yours now til morning -
Yes, all give - no take...
I'm all yours, no small print...
To cherish or break...
I'm the one of your dreams -
And yes - I CAN BAKE!!!

I don't mean to sound odd, babe...
I don't mean now to scare...
Won't you take my incentive -
And return to my lair...
I don't wish to sound dirty -
Even though that I could!
But you can see I'm attracted...
Yes, you know that I would...
I want you to answer -
You know that you must...
Just one sweet tender moment...
Just to ignite our lust!!

I'm yours for the wooing -
Can't you feel the earth shake?
You, for sure, won't regret it -
I am all give - no take...
I'll be yours now, forever...
I adore you - I ache...
There's just one thing I ask, love -
Won't you please keep awake!?!

MORE POETRY NEWS

Hi,

Just to let you all know what's been going on in the world of poems and myself.

Well, as well as writing many various Mouse of Commons novels - all of which have included my poems - I have also been working on some new volumes of poetry.

So far, this week, I have written 3 new poems: SOMETHING IN MY COFFEE, MY MOMENT IS NOW and PIE CRIMES, all three of which will appear in next year's SINGLES FILE collection which is a collection of all the poems I have posted on this blog over the years and also include some new pieces.

Other than that, I have also been working on a compilation called WOOED AWAKENINGS, which is a compilation of my poems from my first 4 volumes: JUNK/FOOD, ROLLERCOASTER, THIRD TIME LUCKY and GO 4TH & DIVIDE. The theme of WOOED AWAKENINGS is relationships in all shapes and forms. I am also working on a sequel WOOED-ER AWAKENINGS, which includes poems for the later collections. Both volumes will be officially released in the new year, when it looks possible that I will be giving a poetry reading to a social group in Derby (if all goes to plan!) WOOED AWAKENINGS contains a couple of news poems that will later be included in SINGLES FILE, but it is really an opportunity to repackage old work for a new audience. I may later do the same and compile a collection of my more lighter or children's poems.

Anyway - here's one of this week's new pieces.

Enjoy!

Paul xx

PS Thanks to Gareth Bellis for the use of his photos in this blog post.


MY MOMENT IS NOW!!
(27/09/07)

My moment is now!
My look, seems, is in…
My tubbiness fashionable…
Seems no-one like thin.
No need to cut carbs, dear -
You do fine, as you are -
To be beary is bestest -
So celebrate who you are!!

Your moment is now -
So embrace it real close…
There's no time for dismay -
Or for being morose!
To eat five fruit a day -
Will not make you a hero -
But eating nice pies will…
So farewell, size zero!

Our moment is now -
There's no doubting the news,
We can wear kipper ties -
Even flamboyant shoes!
We're out setting the trends -
We're there leading the way…
We exude rainbow colours -
We even brighten up grey!

The moment is now -
No - you can't fail to see…
With tail-feathers raised -
And shaken with glee!
There's no need to repent…
Oh, there's no time to pause!
Just get out there this minute…
And eat cake for the cause!!

Your moment is now -
Let your shirt buttons pop!
Get those weight-watching losers…
Into a hell of a strop!
Pass the jam scones, sweet baby!
Yes, I'll have double cream!
Angel Delight is delightful…
In my Haribo dream…

My moment is now -
And my appetite's vast…
I am looking my best…
But I know it can't last…
When I die give me pastry…
Face my head to the sky…
I want to be buried -
Inside the world's biggest pie...

Hi,

Another new poem hot off the press and intended for the SINGLES FILE collection later in the year.

This one's a bit more poignant, but with slight tongue in cheek edge, as ever.

I hope you enjoy it!

More soon...

Paul xx

PS The photo was taken by myself from grafitti found on a wall in Milan in June 2007, during a research trip for a forthcoming Mouse of Commons novel. :)

I KNOW WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER…
30/04/07- 25/07/07

I know we'll never be together…
But I like to just imagine it, for sure...
I know we're just not suited, that's for certain…
'Cos you like Steps and hun, I love The Cure…
I know we'll never make that special something…
Babe, I know we just weren't ever s'posed to be…
But couldn't we pretend for just a moment…
And live a lie together just to see…


Oh my love, I know we'll never be united…
It's something I accepted long ago…
It's something that I knew was never destined…
That life for us together'd never flow!
But couldn't we just dream some precious dreams, now?
Couldn't we just squabble - lovers tiff…
Couldn't we embrace faked adoration…
Forget the now and contemplate "what if…"


Yes, I know that we will never be together…
It's not something that will keep me up at night…
You don't need to break it to me, oh so gently…
Or to hold my hand until I see the light…
I just want you now, to sit right down and join me…
I just want you now, to listen - close your eyes…
I just want you to look right back and consider…
Is the life you've chosen, really oh so wise?


So let us both accept we'll never be together…
If you're convinced that I am not the one you need…
Then I promise I'll be happy in the knowledge…
And I'll convince myself you've really gone to seed…
I won't bother you with endless streams of flirting…
I will let those feelings die, although I know…
That you've made the wrong decision, my sweet darling…
So won't you please just break my heart once more, then go...

Hi,

Hot off the press - a new one piece which will be appearing in the forthcoming SINGLES FILE collection later in the year. It's mostly silly, but kind of sad too and is called THE STAND-UP CHAMELEON. It'll also be appearing in the new Mouse of Commons novels; GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY.

I hope you enjoy it...

Paul xx

THE STAND-UP CHAMELEON…
(20/07/07)

The stand-up chameleon,
He just merges in…
A beer-sozzled comedian,
His tail soaked in gin…
He's a pun-pulling purveyor…
Of words drenched in mirth…
But he's lost in the background…
He's been like that since birth…


The stand-up chameleon,
Cast adrift in the crowd…
When he needs to stand out…
And be verbose and loud!
When he needs to be noticed…
Seems he simply gets lost…
And no-one is laughing…
Such a terrible cost…


The stand-up chameleon,
He’d like to shine bright…
To stand out on the stage…
Maybe ten feet in height,
But he’s just more of the same…
Not too show-biz nor grand…
Seems the worst comment he gets,
Is that he’s totally bland!


The stand-up chameleon,
Just ain’t funny enough!!
His words cobbled together…
And a bit off the cuff!
He tries wearing a wig…
Even sticks out his tongue…
For crimes committed to comedy,
He may one day be hung!!


The stand-up chameleon,
He won’t get no applause…
The bears in the crowd…
They will not clap their paws…
The laughter won’t come…
It won’t rattle the rafters…
He’s just melting away…
Won’t qualify for the BAH-FTAs!


The stand-up chameleon,
He meekly blends in…
He must sometimes wonder -
Why he ever went in -
For this lifestyle of laughter….
To this giggle starved place…
The only thing folk find funny -
Is his sad ugly face…

Hi,

As promised. This is the poem that I'll be reading and Julie Fowler and Peter Archer's wedding tomorrow. It's unusually romantic and uncynical and I came up with it on a country walk back in late April 2007. The very walk that the photo in this entry was taken on.

I hope you enjoy the poem.

CONGRATULATIONS TO JULIE AND PETE!!

More soon...

Paul x


A LIFE TOGETHER

For Julie and Pete on their wedding – 13th July 2007


The path they tread.

The love they seek.

The words they’ve said.

Shall not grow weak.

Their lives wide open –

With plans they’ve made…

Their dreams awoken –

These memories that will never fade…


Fine times they share –

Deep trust has grown.

How much they care…

Today is shown.

They give the sign.

And speak the vow.

Two hearts entwine,

All here can see their time is now.


Two lives converge –

Here as they do,

Strong feelings surge,

Their hopes come true.

The sights they’ve seen…

Still yet to see…

The future’s keen…

Yes, some things in life are meant to be…

NEWS AND MORE NEWS!!!

Firstly, just to remind everyone that the new poetry book: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR is available from www.lulu.com and to impart a few further bits of news.

I've been working on a CD of my poems; provisionally entitled either YETI RHYTHMS, NOT YET, JUST YETI or THE HOME-BREWED VERSE OF SHY YETI - i'm not sure quite yet to be honest. So far I've recorded over 50 poems and whittled those down to about 25 useable recordings. So far there have been 2 recording sessions; one back in Weybridge in my home-studio and the second this week in a grand old building in Belgravia. I'm pretty pleased by what I've done so far and it's been fun to re-read some of the poems after a while. I've always enjoyed performing them - especially the humorous ones and have had a number of enquiries over the years to do a CD - well finally the technology is readily available and Lulu.com makes it possible to sell the finished product.

I'm about to embark this very day on a bit of outdoor recording to complete the collection and expect the finished CD to be around 45 minutes in length. The poems are taken from all 10 of my collections: JUNK/FOOD, ROLLERCOASTER, THIRD TIME LUCKY, GO 4TH & DIVIDE, THE AUTUMNAL E.P., LOVESONGS OF THE BITTER AND TWISTED, MUGSHOTS, POETIQUETTE, POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL and RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR.

More news as I have it.

One of the main reasons this is a perfect time to do a CD is also that it is now more than 5 years since I begun this blog and am hoping to release what I like to call a singles collection; (my greatest hits! lol) of all the poems published on this and other blogs in the last 5 or so years. I'm currently working on some news poems to go in there and these include; SERENADING SHEEP, BADGES FOR BADGERS, BABIES LIKE MY FACE, CAUSEY HILL and two poems in celebration of my friend's Julie and Pete's wedding.

I'll be posting both the wedding ones, in the run up to Julie's wedding - the first one is called THEIR SPECIAL DAY and appears below and the one I will post next friday is called THEIR LIFE TOGETHER and I was commissioned to write that one to read at the ceremony, which is a big privilege. I have promised Julie that the finished version of both these poems will appear in the SINGLES FILE collection, hopefully with some nice photos from the day.

Anyway - here's the first poem. I hope you enjoy it!

More soon!

Paul :)

THEIR SPECIAL DAY…
(BALLAD OF A BRIDE AND GROOM)

So here it is…
Their Special Day -
He tucks into his breakfast tray -
Her eyes flick open -
Up she goes…
A gentle stretch -
She blows her nose…

The groom is jolly -
Does a jig…
Still on his head…
His stag-do wig!
The bride's ecstatic…
Where to start?
In lipstick draws -
A single heart…

The groom is washed…
Half in his suit;
The TV sport…
Is set to mute!
He knows he'll -
Have to miss the game!
Best man reminds him -
Of his name!!

The bride day dreams…
No need to rush…
She sits there;
Mimes into a brush…
Her hair is done...
Now there's the dress…
The whole room cries -
A happy mess!!

The groom's in panic…
He's out of hand -
Now someone's lost -
The wedding band...
Stop!!
They've got the ring!!
Thank god for that…
T'was found within -
The best man's hat…

The bride's a vision -
All in white…
In platform heels -
To give her height…
She's dressed and done…
The car's outside…
Off down the path -
She heads with pride…

Cut to the church;
The guests await -
The vicar shakes -
His collection plate…
The grooms face -
Breaks into a smile…
Here comes his princess…
Down the aisle.

It's time for two -
To come as one…
They cry; "I do!"
The deed is done…
The weddings bells -
Ring out the way…
A new tomorrow on -
That special day…

And so - from the church…
To dance - to eat…
Both bride and groom,
Have two left feet…
They're packed to leave…
But for all our sake…
Before you go;
Can't you…
Won't you…
Cut the BLOODY cake??

Hi,

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR... is the new volume of poetry for 2007 by poet Paul Chandler, sometimes known as Shy Yeti. This is the black and white paperback version. This collection includes over 50 poems and more than 100 photographs. Poems include ALL GOOD PIES MUST END, THE BLACK EYED GROWL, I'M FEELING KINDA GIDDY, LIFE IN A PELICAN'S BEAK and many more...
Product Details:
Printed: 150 pages, 7.44" x 9.68", perfect binding.
Publisher: PAUL CHANDLER
Copyright: © 2007 by PAUL CHANDLER Standard Copyright License
Language: English
Country: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

This book is available in 3 versions:

http://www.lulu.com/content/892987 £8.99 B&W paperback

http://www.lulu.com/content/677059 £19.99 Colour paperback

http://www.lulu.com/content/892988 £27.99 Colour hardback

£5 for a download

I'm posting RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR - the poem, below and will post some more photos and bits and pieces from the book over the next few weeks. I intend to celebrate the arrival of this book and all the Mouse of Commons books that have been released this year on Saturday 1st September.

Thanks for reading - enjoy the poem!!!

Paul :) xx

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR...


Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Have got to be good…
Not second-hand ditties,
You’d swap if you could!
Not flimsy constructions,
That don’t make you growl…
Or comic creations –
That don’t make you howl!!
Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Have got to be funny…
Better than cream scones…
EVEN better than HONEY!!!


Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Must smell fresh as a daisy!
They must never be dull –
They must always be crazy!!
There’s no two ways about it…
The verse must surely excel…
And must come neatly wrapped;
With a crisp crunchy shell…
Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Must really be cunning;
And cryptic and clever –
And supremely stunning!!


Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Must never be sickly…
They should always be savoured;
Not gobbled up quickly!!
They should tell of adventure –
Telling tales from the heart…
Have an end and a middle –
Yes, and also a start!!!
Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Should not dwell on defeat…
Never dwindle or tarnish…
Nor go off in the heat!!!


Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Are frequently merry,
Come splendidly garnished;
Always served with a cherry!
Always buffed up to shine,
Yes, and beautifully made…
Under a cocktail umbrella…
Always kept in the shade!
Rhymes bears steal pies for…
Oh, they should NEVER deceive!!
Yes, they gotta be BALLY good…
To cause a bear to go thieve!!

HELLO!!!!

INTRODUCING: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR...

This has just been loaded onto www.lulu.com in three different formats!

I'll be officially launching the book tomorrow and posting the links to the site.

Hope you like the cover - the grafitti was found on a wall in Venice in December 2006.

Take care,

More soon!

Paul x

Hi!!

I am pleased to announce that the new book of poems:

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR...

is now at the final stage of editing. I have finished all my work on it and it is currently being proof read by the ever brilliant Neph and my good friend Tom Crittenden, who is also proof-reading my new spoof soap opera: DUSTY ACRES.

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR should be available by the first week of June at the latest - but I'll post more about that next week and include a screen grab of the cover.

Firstly though; the stats - it's 150 pages long - including over 100 photos (colour in some versions of the book and black and white in others) and there are 50 new compositions. As with POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL there will be three versions available; a black and white budget paperback, a colour paperback and a colour hardback.

Following this release and not counting the forthcoming SHY YETI YEARBOOK 2006 and then next Mouse of Commons book: THE BEARGRRRIAN DILEMMA, there is also another book of poetry due out in 2007. This is provisionally entitled SINGLES FILE - 5 YEARS OF THE BLOG and is a collection of all the poems that I've chosen for this blogsite over the last 5 years. There will also be a few new poems, including one that I'm performing at my friend Julie Fowler's wedding on July 13th.

Anyway - more news about that when it happens...

I'm including one of the new poems for your interest!! :) It's a called WE DON'T DANCE TO LOVE SONGS and I'll let it speak for itself.

Oh, and before I go - the bear at the top of the page is a 70 year old friend of mine known as Tubby, who lives with my friend Pam Goodman and who appears in the Mouse of Commons novel I'm currently working on.

Anyway - enough for now!!

Take care!!!

Paul xx


WE DON’T DANCE TO LOVE SONGS


We don't dance to love songs -

Don't ask us to sway...

To romantic swooned verses -

Your band chose to play!

No, we plug up our ears -

To such way soppy dross...

We shall kick off our boots now -

And show you who's boss!


No, we don't dance to ballads -

For the beat's just too weak...

All the words are so dreary -

And send us to sleep...

Can't convince us to Waltz...

No, we see through your ruse...

No, we won't Bossanova...

Even flaked out on booze!


Oh, we shan't dance to blues tunes -

Don't ask us to groove!

We have more self-respect -

And have nothing to prove!

Should the DJ play love songs...

All us dancers go tense!

We're not keen to look stupid -

We were born with more sense...


No - we won't dance to jungle...

It's just not to our taste...

We will not go “Pull Shapes” -

If they're going to waste...

We've a standard to maintain -

Got to keep our heads high...

No we won't dance to love songs...

You shouldn't have to ask why?


No, we don't dance to ballads -

Nor to songs sickly sweet...

No, we don't dance to love songs -

But quickly retreat!

No we don't let our ears hear -

Their brain rotting tunes!

We like them as much as -

Small children like prunes.


There is no kind of love song -

That can get us to bop!

That can get us to dance...

That can put us on top!!

Do not give me a headache...

Do not take me to task...

'Cos we don't dance to love songs -

So quite simply, don't ask!

Hi,

Just another post to show off some the photos I took in Dunbar, some of which went into the new photo collection: DUNBAR SPRING, which is now available from www.lulu.com. You can see the cover above and below. As mentioned before - the book is in full colour and is 150 pages long. All the photos having been taken just last week during a very sunny week in April.

There are only a couple of poems in this book and they appear previously in older collections - but are poems inspired by this area of Scotland, One of these poems is the following BELHAVEN BEACH. I hope you enjoy the rest of the photos.

The new poetry collection: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR should be available within the next 2-3 weeks.

Happy growls,

Paul xx

Above. The Harbour in Dunbar and the old castle

Above. Wildlife in Dunbar Harbour

Above. The coast around Dunbar Promenade

Above. The remains of Dunbar castle from the Promenade

Above. More views of the Promenade path

Above. More views of the coast. Below. Belhaven Bay

BELHAVEN BEACH


Belhaven Beach…
Stretches on for miles…

I’d like to be there now…

Paddling out to the Bass Rock –
Amongst the Seals.
Leaving the Sandbanks –
The Mudflats –
Out at a distance…

There I am…

I take footprints –
Leaving photographs –
Sitting in my throne…
Amongst the trees…
Hiding in long-lost rabbit holes…
Teaching baby crabs to scuttle…

“Like this – no – sideways…
Here – watch me, then try it again…”

My hair is turning the colour of algae –
My tears pollute the tide…
I get so far out –
But they always call me back…

Well, this time I won’t go…

Traversing the headland…
This time I want to see…
The further shore…
The beach beyond Belhaven…
Beyond the bay…
Is something the same -
Symmetrically reflected…
Something identical…

Yet different.

Hi,

Whilst I put the finishing touches to RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR I've also been working on another project - another book called DUNBAR SPRING. This time it's photos and along the lines of WILD LIFE fron last year, but without the bears. The theme is the small Scottish town on Dunbar and the surrounding towns of North Berwick and East Linton. The photos above are from Belhaven Beach. The reason I've posted pictures here is that I've included two of my older poems in the book. One is WAVES from ROLLERCOASTER in 2002 and the other is BELHAVEN BAY from THIRD TIME LUCKY, also from 2002.

The book will be available on the www.lulu.com site within the next couple of days.

Take care,

Paul xx

Hi,

Just a quick message to say HAPPY EASTER!!!

Also, to mention that there's a new MOUSE OF COMMONS novel available: more details at www.mouseofcommons.blogspot.com

As far as the next book of poems is concerned, I'm one away from 50 poems - having written a new piece, THE BLACK-EYED GROWL, just yesterday. The whole collection RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR is now almost ready and during my Easter holidays I'll be proof-reading it all - so hopefully it'll be ready by the end of the month.

In addition to this I'm also working on another book of poems called SINGLES BOX, which is a collection of all the poems from the last 5 years, from all my collections, that I have posted on this site. This will probably be available by the summer.

I won't post any new poems this time - but next post I'll announce the official launch date of the collection and post one then.

As mentioned before, they'll be a book launch for my 4 most recent books in late June.

That's it for now. Happy holidays!!

Paul x

Hello!!!

Another poem, so soon!!!

This is just a first draft, to be honest - but hopefully will be included in the next collection: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR.

Had to post today really - in time for 1st April, tomorrow!!!

Enjoy!!

Paul xx


YOUR APRIL FOOL


Trick me sweet –

You think I jest…

Go put my patience –

To the test!!

Go stick a sign,

Upon my back…

“I’m with stupid…”

Tattooed on my packa mac…

Intimidate me…

I’m your tool –

Still proud to be,

YOUR APRIL FOOL…



Go play your joke,

Go make the gag.

I just don’t care!

It’s not my bag!!

I don’t care less…

Go fling that flan,

Not bothered by,

Your crazy plan…

You laugh out loud,

I’ll flaunt the rule –

I’m proud to be –

YOUR APRIL FOOL…



Miss laugh-a-minute,

Some cunning ruse,

With best intentions…

To confuse.

Oh, playful prankster…

The die is cast!

With punning powers –

Built to last!

So treat me mean,

Yes, be real cruel…

I’m proud to be…

YOUR APRIL FOOL…



Behind my back –

You’re pulling faces,

Trip me up –

You tied my laces!!

You did me wrong,

You made me frown…

You kicked my heart –

Around the town…

But I’ll take more…

I’ll play it cool…

Content to be…

YOUR APRIL FOOL...

COMING SOON: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR...

Just to let everyone know that there's a new poetry book on it's way - due for early May 2007.

It's nearly all pieced together now, more details coming soon - but here's one of the new poems: DISCO YETI.

DISCO YETI

Disco Yeti,
Shining Star.
He's not Size Zero,
Nor under par…
He's not the sort -
With whom you mess…
A dancing queen;
Well, more or less!!
He knows the moves -
He moves with style!
Admirers gape -
In single file!
How can this yeti -
Strut so cool?
Uses disco fever -
As his tool!!!

Disco Yeti,
No prima donna…
He's centuries old;
Still not a gonna!!
More active now -
Than 'ere he were!!
Though with Just For Men,
Now dyes his fur!!
A large medallion -
On his chest…
He prances,
Better the rest…
Although he's got -
Big tree trunk thighs!!
Beneath that glitter ball -
He flies…

Disco Yeti,
Pulsing beat…
No doubt this beast's -
Got disco feet…
Paws so agile,
Clicking claws…
Along to the rhythm…
No-one ignores…
The dancefloor clears…
The spotlights shine…
Onto this dancing yeti…
Oh, so fine!!
Disco creature…
So suave, so wily…
He's one half yeti…
And two thirds, Kylie!!!

Disco Yeti,
He's no himbo…
Growls aloft;
And flares akimbo…
Limbo, foxtrot,
Nor the Waltz…
All leaves this yeti…
Feeling false…
But under lights -
So bright and flashy!!
Back-flips to music,
Kinda trashy…
But who's to say…
His life is petty…
This guy's the world's…
SOLE, DISCO YETI!!!

Hi,

Just thought I'd write to say hello and also to mention that the new book of poems RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR, should be available sometime in April - although an exact date hasn't been decided yet. It looks like two new Mouse of Commons books might be out the same day and the limited edition SHY YETI DIARY 2006, photo collection.

As for RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR - I am currently putting the finishing touches to the poems and adding all the photos I hope to use.

This particular poem THE WAY PIE'S MEANT TO BE!?! was written just last night and is, once again very bear orientated. May I add that the finished collection doesn't feature exclusively about bears and pies - although with Charlie Grrr editing, that's almost a surprise in itself!!

To illustrate this page I am also posting a photo of Charlie Junior taken in a mysterious UK location just this last weekend; a photo that may well turn up in one of the Mouse of Commons books coming out towards the end of the year.

Anyway - I hope you enjoy the poem!!

Rhymes and hugs,

Paul xx

THE WAY PIE’S MEANT TO BE?!?

Is it meant to look like that?
Is the crust meant to flake?
Does it need twice as long?
Should you grill and not bake?
Does the gravy go frothy?
Should it go off the boil?
Please just tell me it tastes good…
After SUCH lengthy toil…
Will it maybe go crispy…
If left out in the sun…
When it comes out the oven –
Should it weight half a ton?

It’s hard not to wonder…
When you’re brewing up tea…
I wonder – oh, how I wonder…
Is that the way PIE'S meant to be??

Is it meant to sound like that?
A sort of deep rumbling grrr?
Does it need to be louder?
A little less like a purr?
Should it be much more scary?
Should it make people shake?
Am I sounding unready?
Do I come over; fake?
Should I roar from my belly?
From my heart not my head?
If I let out a bellow…
Might I shock people dead?

It’s hard not to question…
When asleep up a tree…
I wonder – oh, how I wonder…
Is that the way GROWL'S meant to be??

Is it meant to feel like that?
Kind of stubbly and coarse?
Should I fear if it’s matted?
Or file for divorce?
Should I wear it in plaits -
Or perhaps in a bow?
I’ve asked many times…
But no cub seems to know!!
Is it better to grow it…
Til it touches the ground?
Or keep it chopped shorter –
Have a barber come round?

It’s hard not to worry…
But advice don’t come free…
I wonder – oh, how I wonder…
Is that the way FUR'S meant to be??

Is it meant to smell like that?
Do you think that it’s burnt?
Should there be such black smoke?
Oh, what lessons I’ve learnt!!
Is it meant to be flameproof?
Should it be surrounded by flame?
I must have dozed off…
Now I should take the blame…
Cooking food on the fire…
Often takes rather long…
But I took forty winks…
And now the whole thing’s gone wrong!!!

It’s hard not to ponder…
And yes, I’m sure you’ll agree…
A small, yet sad pile of ashes;
That’s not the way PIES should be…

Hello and Happy New Year from myself and Charlie Grrr!!!

I am pleased to announce that things are moving quite quickly now towards a new volume of poems; RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR. Having written a few new pieces during the Christmas Holidays I am now working towards designing the new book and choosing the photos to go with each poem, whilst Charlie Grrr writes his comments.

You will notice that there is still quite a pie/bear based theme to this collection, following 2006s POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL.

Titles which I expect to include are as follows:

ALL GOOD PIES MUST END…
BLACK AND WHITE LIFE
THE CAT WITH THE STRANGEST PURR…
A CURE TO ALL KNOWN ILLS… (THE BALLAD OF A BEAR…)
DO YOU WANNA SEE MY PIE CHART?
EXACTLY WHAT BEARS CAN’T BEAR…
GIRLS LIKE ALENA…
GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT…
GRANNY ERNESTINA…
HOOVERING BRUSSELS…
HOW I’D LOVE TO BE A CAVEMAN…
I DON’T WANT TO BE POSTED!!
I WILL EAT PIES…
THE INFATUATION DANCE!!
"IT…"
IT’S HARD TO LOOK YOUR BEST (WHEN YOU’RE A VAMPIRE…)
LOCKED UP IN A CELL, PIE BLUES…
MOTHER ALWAYS HAS THE CRACKED MUG…
MY BABY, THE MONSTER…
MY SUPERSTAR BOUDOIR…
NEVER SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL…
OBSCENE QUEENS AND OTHER ROYALTY…
PARISIAN MICE AND OTHER TERRORS…
PEROXIDE BLONDE…
RHYMING POT-POURRI…
SWEET OLETA…
WE DON’T DANCE TO LOVESONGS…
WHAT BEARS DO…
WHAT I SAY (AND WHAT I MEAN…)
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DON’T LIKE YOU!?!
WHICH WAY UP?
YOUR KNIGHT IN PINK LAME

There will be a few more to come before the book is finished - but that's a good start. I always come up with new stuff whilst I'm putting together a collection. The photos range from things taken in early 2006, up until things taken whilst away down by the sea at New Year 2007. A couple of the poems also appear in the Mouse of Commons novel GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE BEARGRRRIAN DILEMMA, but that won't be available until the autumn at the earliest. A couple of others appeared in the limited edition WILDLIFE photo collection book published last summer.

I expect the book to be available around April, hopefully just before Easter.

The poem that appears at the end of this post is my pie based ode to the song "I Will Survive!" I hope you like it.

In last minute news, I'd like to announce that there may well be a second book of poems out towards the end of this year - and that if this happens it will be a joint project with a friend of mine from the Netherlands. More about that when there's more to tell!!!


I WILL EAT PIES

First my place was laid -
And then my eggs were fried!
To put the gravy through a sieve?
Well you could not decide…
I ran up so many flights -
When I heard that dinner gong...
There I belong -
And now I sing this simple song!
I had a snack...
I stuffed my face…
All you did was stand and jeer...
As if I was some deep disgrace!!
What made you wear that dreadful frock -
What made you make that stupid plea…
If you had known I'd just had seconds -
You'd have proper clobbered me...

Go on now, duck - I want some more...
I'll pretend I didn't see -
You dropped that pie upon the floor!
Back when I weighed a ton! Oh, then I used to be so shy...
Did you think that pastry'd crumble?
Did you never wonder why?
Oh no, not I -
I will eat pies!
As long as there's a cake above -
Or a nice swiss roll - or five!
If you've a syrup sponge to give...
Oh, just stop acting like a div!
And feed me pies...
I want your pies!!

OH PIEEEEEES!!!!

When I eat a pie I'm glad -
But then I fall apart...
Left here to sit and tend
The pieces of my broken tart!
I've got your pastry in my sight -
And I want it for myself...
It makes me cry -
That I've got nothing left to fry!!
Will you feed me?
Your tasty stew?
I'm still that hungry little person -
Who will smile and loves to chew!
Would you want to see me thin?
Do I have to pay a fee?
Now I'm saving all my stuffing -
For some pies I bought for tea!

Go on now, love - feed me some more...
I'll pretend I didn't see -
You dropped those pies upon the floor!
Back when I weighed a little more… Back when I used to sit and sigh...
Did you think I'd break the table -
With the sheer weight of my thigh!
Oh no, not I -
I will eat pies!
As long as there's a cake I love -
Or a nice cream eclair - or five!
If you've a spotted dick to give...
It should be quite easy to forgive!
Just feed me pies...
I want those pies!!

SWEET PIEEEEEES!!!!

More soon!!!

Paul xx