NEW COVERS FOR JUNK/FOOD - ROLLERCOASTER!!!

JUNK/FOOD-ROLLERCOASTER - FRONT AND BACK COVERS

In addition to the news about the latest Mouse of Commons book, you may like to know that the paperback version of my first lulu.com poetry book Junk/Food - Rollercoaster now sports a new cover. (See above photos)

Junk/Food-Rollercoaster is a compilation of my first two books which were originally self-published and produced back in 2001 and 2002. The first version available on Lulu, sported covers that Lulu made available on their site, but which were not necessarily unique to that book (ie: anyone else using Lulu could put them on their book too - or at least use the photo as a template.)

The covers that I have now used, initially on the Paperback - but within the next couple of days, allso on the hardback, are photos that were taken by me, last week whilst on a "working" holiday in Anglesea, Wales!!! ;-) (When I say working I mean writing loads of stuff and taking loads of photos for books - so it was as far away from work as you can possibly imagine. It was just great!!!)

Anyway, a lot of you probably have copies of this book - but anyway - you might still like to check out the cover, as I'm quite proud of it! :-)

http://www.lulu.com/content/205579

Hope you like the new covers!!

Excited yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS Whilst away last week I wrote 5 news poems - among them, GRANNY ERNESTINA AND SUPERSTAR BOUDOIR and two others about bears! Surprise! Surprise!! More about these next post - but so far I have 20 new poems completed for the next book and a good deal of the photographs that will be going into it. Hopefully I'll post one of the new ones on here next time too.

MOUSE OF COMMONS NEWS!!

Hi,

Gladstone McWhiskers says hi too! That's the mouse in the picture, if you haven't guessed. Thanks very much to Neph for doing such a great job!!

Anyway, a change from poetry books this time - it's finally time to announce the "birth" tomorrow, Friday 11th August 2006 of yet another new delivery in the Chandler book range!!!

As mentioned in previous post - the book is called Mouse In A Bottle and it's the second Mouse of Commons novel.

Once again, it features Gladstone McWhiskers - The Mouse of Commons and his assistants Ollie Louse and Bell. It was originally written at the same time as the first novel, back in 2000, but was then lost for 5 years. Here it has been unearthed, proudly dusted off and presented for your delictation! :-) MOUSE IN A BOTTLE tells the tale of a mysterious blue bottle in an antique shop - a small boy possessed by an evil spirit - an fiendish nemesis from the dim and distant past and a threat that could wipe out Gladstone McWhiskers, the current Mouse of Commons - once and for all.

You can take a look at the two books on the following links:

http://www.lulu.com/content/230667

This is the Paperback version, at £7.99.

http://www.lulu.com/content/376200

This is the Hardback version, at £13.99.

I'd just like to thank Lisa Parker and Andrew Trowbridge for the stirling work they did on proof-reading the book - and they've just confirmed that they're happy to do the next one too! Yay!! (See more later in this post!!)

I have been trying to keep the prices of the books on Lulu.com nice and round - but unfortunately the exchange rate keeps changing and so that the ones that I nicely calculated at exact amounts last week are now all odd prices! (ie: Effectively they're actually cheaper in pounds than they were a week or two ago!)

Hopefully we should have some photos from tomorrows mini-book launch to post on here early next week.

Oh - and finally - the other news is that as of yesterday, the third Mouse of Commons book MOUSE IN BEAR'S CLOTHING was sent off to Lisa and Andrew for final proof-reading. I am now working on finishing edits of MOUSE TALES AND MICE TAILS and am about five chapters into GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE MOUSES OF PARLIAMENT which will be available by the new year.

That's it for now!!!

Mouse Commonsly hugs to you all!

Paul :-) x

Hi,

As it's the last EVER episode of TOP OF THE POPS on Sunday (which quite frankly is a crime!) I am posting up one of my favourite poems from last year's POETIQUETTE collection.

LONG LIVE TOP OF THE POPS!!

Paul xx


I WANT THEM TO SEE ME...
(ON TOP OF THE POPS)


No, they never thought I’d do it…
They considered me a waste…
They all dismissed my talent –
But they did so now, in haste…
Now they feel stupid that they dissed me -
Now they want to make amends…
Yes, they want to tell their neighbours -
That we’re really good friends!
Now, they say they really missed me…
Well, they’re talking total tripe!
They don’t even like my music…
No, they’ve just fallen for the hype!

Still, I want them to see me…
I want them to know…
That I’m high in the charts…
On their telly, “Hello?!”
I want them to stare at me…
See my face on the sleeve…
I want them to gape at me –
Yeah – ‘til they really believe…

They thought I was nothing…
One of life’s funny flops…
So, now I want them to see me…
On Top Of The Pops…

No, they didn’t think I’d make it…
Laughed at me until were hoarse…
Yes, they thought that shelf stacking –
Was my only Tour-de-force…
Hell! They never thought I’d do it…
Up there, with the starry few!
The only line-up I was fit for -
Was the unemployment queue…
They took bets that I would lose it…
Be the first to flounder - drown…
But now my face is on a billboard -
And it’s all over town!!

Well, I want them to see me…
Yes, I want them to sigh…
I may well be polite…
Nod my head and say “Hi…”
I want them to notice me…
There on Parkinson’s lap…
Dressed only in tinsel –
And my usual slap!

Yes, they thought I was nothing…
One of life’s foolish fops…
Come on – let them see me…
There on Top Of The Pops…

Oh, they love to claim we made it…
And say their help was quite a plus…
That we only made the big time…
Because of all they did for us…
What about when things were crappy?
And we were sliding with despair…
When we couldn’t sell a ticket…
Guess what… They weren’t there!
No – they only want to know us…
Now our luck has changed for good!
They expect us to be welcoming…
Like there was hope we ever would!

How, I love when they see me…
Yes, it’s true I confess…
Know they wish they were me…
Simmer jealously, “Bless!”
I want them to dress like me…
Whilst adoration grows strong!
I want them to see me –
Before it starts to go wrong!

Want them to know I was something…
Before EVERYTHING stops…
Be quite sure they’ve all seen me…
On Top Of The Pops…


Oh yes, I want them to see me on Top of the Pops…

I really want them to see me on Top of the Pops…

But what if they’re shocked and each foolish heart stops?

Can’t say that I care…
AS LONG AS THEY SEE ME ON TOP OF THE POPS!!!!!

Hi,

Another post and so soon!! This one isn't from the new book - POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL - but there will be another poem posted from that soon.

This one is hot off the press and will probably be included in my next collection which is called RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR which won't be out until late 2006/early 2007 - depending on how many new poems I come up with over the next few months.

The picture included here is of my 6-month old niece, Alena and myself, taken on Saturday 8th July - the same day this new poem was written. It will not surprise you to learn that the poem was also inspired by our meeting.

Anyway - it's quite a sweet little ditty and I hope you'll enjoy it! :-)

Paul xx

PS Thanks to my Dad, Michael Chandler for the photo of Alena and I!!


GIRLS LIKE ALENA…


Girls like Alena love poems like these…
Poems that zoom by and rattle your knees!
Poems that tickle and make you feel glad…
That don’t tell your mum if you’ve done something bad!
Poems of bunnies who wear fancy shoes…
Poems of princesses covered in oooooze!
Tales of adventure – where no-one stays clean!
Poems that rhyme – well, I’ve written umpteen!

Girls like a poem – that gives them a thrill…
As long as it’s safe and does not make you ill!
A poem that shimmers, but cannot be caught!
A poem that towers or one that’s just short!
A poem that sings to you - gives out a grin!
One that won’t growl please, and nibble your chin!
These are things girls can cherish, could I be any plainer?!
Yes I know! I am sure! ‘Cos I asked sweet Alena…

Girls like Alena like poems like this…
Nicer than sweets or a teddy bear’s kiss!
Poems with words in that cuddle you close!
Poems that cure you from feeling morose!
One of life’s giggles – a warm summer glow!
To be worn everyday in your hair like a bow!
Poems like these should be handed out free…
But I’ve bills that need paying – so please think of me!

Girls like a poem that promises smiles –
Not one that coughs or will give people piles!
Rhymes just like icecream – that cause you to melt!
Not ones that are silent – or ones that once smelt!
Poems that whoosh and are set to explode…
Are what young ladies like – not a well boring ode!
Yes, a poem that’s fizzy – and makes you insaner!!
If you need any proof – well just ask sweet Alena!! xx

Hi,

I thought I'd just post up another poem from the new collection: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL that was released in three formats on www.lulu.com in late May, this year.

This one is called Alternative Lifestyles and is about - well - um - alternative lifestyles really!

I hope you enjoy it!

I've been busy proof reading three Mouse of Commons novels, of late. The first: MOUSE IN A BOTTLE is out at the beginning of August, with the next two MOUSE IN BEAR'S CLOTHING and MOUSE TALES AND MICE TAILS available in the early autumn. A 4th new Mouse book GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE MOUSE OF PARLIAMENT is currently being written and is expected to be available by Christmas.

On top of all this I have been writing new verse when the mood takes me and have currently written another dozen or so new pieces which I will discuss a little more in my next post. I can reveal that the collection will be edited, once again, by Charlie Grrr and has the provisional title of RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR. It will contain a new series of photos, some of which have been taken already and many which will be taken over the next six months. I'm hoping that the collection would be ready for the New Year - but that really depends on whether I get the time and the ideas. I won't put anything into print I'm not proud of - so we'll see.

Enjoy the poem - more soon!

Paul xx

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES


Oh, there isn't a sure way of living...
No, there is nothing that's set out in stone...
If you want to get wed to your toaster...
That's a decision you make on your own…
If you'd like to cry out "Hallelujah!" -
If you fancy to grow bouffant hair...
I'll not judge should you swim the Sahara...
No, I assure you I’m terribly fair…
I'll not TUT if I hear you've gone loopy...
I'll not mind should you howl at the moon...
Re: my view on the talent you're snaring...
I'd not object should you date a baboon!
Should you fashion a new way of living…
That involves you to juggle with bees...
You'll not hear me protest - no complaining...
Should you run off to live in the trees...
I'll not freak out because you are different...
I'll not scream at the top of my voice...
I am happy for you to be whacko...
I respect being barmy's your choice...
I'll not faint if I hear you've been slutty!
I'll not bawl or just sit there and pout...
Though I may feel a teensy bit jealous...
If I missed it - and you left me out...
If you wanna go live on a rainbow...
If you rather like playing the fool...
I'll not chide if your taste is appalling...
I'll not laugh at your loud pink kagoule!
I'd not shriek should you get a new tattoo!
And quite frankly it scared me to bits...
If you intend to make history by knitting...
Please just do so - don't ever say quits!
If you fancy hand-gliding with emus...
If you'd simply adore not to floss...
If you'd like to become a banana...
Go ahead now and do it – you’re boss...
So, you've planned out your own rules for living...
Alternative lifestyles suit only a few...
But you're cool and you have your own vision...
One loud cheer that you chose some way new...

Hi,

FINALLY!! Rather later than expected!!

This post is just to let you know - that after almost a year I finally have a new book of poetry released and available on www.Lulu.com

This volume is called POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL and contains over 50 poems and photographs. We are proud to announce it is also guest edited by Beargrrrian celebrity, Charlie Grrr - who is also on the cover.

Here's a sample of one of the poems from this collection:

A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH A YETI!

A night on the town with a Yeti...
Signposts trouble I'm sure you will find!
You may think it sounds quite entertaining...
But I tell you it's simply a bind...
Yeti folk they can be so unruly...
Slightly clumsy or foolish at best...
When things don't work out in their favour -
They go bleak and then get all depressed!

A night on the town with a Yeti...
Has been known to spin out of control...
If you do not allow for some planning...
You may dig yourself into a hole!
You may drink too much booze in a hurry...
See the world slipping into a blur...
Waking up the next day in a gutter...
To find some bugger has stolen your fur!!

A night on the town with a Yeti...
Can be quite a large pain in the paw...
Should he suffer a bad upset belly -
He may let out a loud mighty roar!
No-one wants to play nurse to a Yeti...
Or be expected to pick up the tab!
Due to the after effects of a curry...
Or because he’s eaten a dodgy kebab...

A night on the town with such Yeti...
Only leads to a dismal despair...
Even worse than high tea with a badger...
Or a booze-sodden Stag with a bear...
More scary than chain-smoking squirrels -
Or a buffet lunch shared with a mule...
If a Yeti sees something - he'll have it...
And then cover you promptly in drool!

Never go out on the razzle with Yeti...
Just remember these words I advise...
Try avoiding the debris and vomit...
And the flakey bake pastry of pies...
It's a terrible waste of good dinner...
And to throw it about is just foul...
Just don't mention the fact to a Yeti...
Or he'll give out a hangover growl...

Don’t attempt a night out with a Yeti...
They are beasties it's best to avoid!
You will feel your stress levels all rising!
You are sure to get quite paranoid...
Why not stick to a snack with a bunny...
Or with mice take a fresh cup of tea...
But, if you must paint the town red with a Yeti...
Please then do so - just don't invite me!

The new book's available in 3 different versions to fit every pocket (except for one with holes in...):

Version 1: Paperback size, black and white. The regular version. Approx £8.
Version 2: Paperback, colour. Approx £15
Version 3: Hardback, colour. Approx £25.
It is also available to download for about £3.

Coming In June: MOUSE IN A BOTTLE - the 2nd Mouse of Commons story, written in 2000 and only now available for the first time in print.

The third Mouse of Commons story: MOUSE IN BEAR'S CLOTHING and a collection of short stories MOUSE TALES AND MICE TAILS should also be available by July/August.

Check out the site, even if you don't intend to buy a copy - there are lots of other interesting books, cds and allsorts on the site.

All the best and growls from Charlie.

Paul :-)

Hi!

I'm pleased to announce that the release of my next book of poems is about a month away! There's no exact release date yet, but I'm busy putting the finished touches to the book - taking photos and getting comments on the finished selection from our guest editor, Charlie Grrr (see photo above!)

The new book, as I've mentioned before, is called POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL and should be available to buy in ultra snazzy form from www.lulu.com very soon. It is also possible to buy copies from me if you let me know in advance, but I'll have to charge you the postage it cost me to get them over to me. Anyway - more details when I have them.

This book sees a change in that there should be a lot of black and white photos to illustrate the poems, taken by myself and my friend Neph and featuring Charlie and friends. I am hoping that there will also be a full colour hardback edition of this book - but that might depend on the cost of producing it. The last photoshoot for the book took place on Saturday and Sunday 21st/22nd of January 2006 down by the woods and canals of Byfleet and New Haw and was very successful. The last poem written for the book was also completed last week and I present it for you here.

It's a rather silly piece called ADVERT FOR A TRAINEE SEX SYMBOL...

I hope you enjoy it!

Bye for now!

Paul x


ADVERT FOR A TRAINEE “SEX SYMBOL”

Good day! I'm volunteering,,,
I'm a trustworthy trainee!
I have come about the job...
For it is what I'd like to be!
I couldn't be a superhero -
Because I'm really rather shy!
Whilst there's also the slight problem -
That I never learnt to fly...
But, it's a post that I'm prepared for!
For this position I was born!
I wanna be the next sex symbol...
Although I'm not cut out for porn!
I couldn't be the people's champion...
Or some ambassador devine...
But the role of Top Sex Symbol...
Well, that'd really suit me fine!
I've got a really cool persona -
And a trendy pair of slacks!
I am always on the go -
And I don't take time off to relax!!
I've got a smile to simply melt them...
And a laugh they will adore...
I don't smoke or drink or sleep around -
And neither do I snore!! (yeah right!)
I'm told I've got the sort of eyebrows...
That makes the girls-slash-boys go weak!
I've got baby blues that tempt you...
And say, "Hey hun, come take a peak!"
I've got dimples some would die for...
A hairy chest they'd like to lick!
And I'm not exactly fat!
But I'd not describe me as a stick...
Oh and I'm quite prepared to model...
To play upon my film stars looks!
So I hope you will accept me...
Won't you please, put me on your books?
It all comes natural to me baby...
For I know exactly what to do! (YES!!)
If you stare at me for long enough -
It'll even start to work on you!!


Well sorry sir, you are mistaken...
About the position that is free!
It's not a sex symbol we're looking for-.
But another kind we'd like to see...
There are vacancies for the following...
Which you may wish to take on board!
In the hope that maybe one of them -
Might strike the magic chord!
One part time "Sex euphonium..."
One full time "Sex trombone..."
One flexible "Sex glockenspiel..."
That we can offer out on loan!
One job share "Sex maraca..."
One shift working "Sexual flute..."
One deputy "Sex trumpet..."
We are looking to recruit...
But that is all we need right now, sir...
There's no other jobs to name!
No need for One "Sex cymbal..."
Still, thanks for asking all the same!

Hi,

Just to let everyone know that some of my writings are now available to by from an online site in America. For those of you who remember the spiral bound versions you'll probably be very pleasantly surprised to see an improvement in the presentation. Yes!! They now look like proper books - it's because they are! ;-)

Take a look on www.lulu.com and then search under: PAUL CHANDLER and it should come up with a list of the ones available. Even if you're not interested in buying them it's worth having a look. A lot of the volumes are compilations of 2 of the old style volumes - so even though they seem more expensive, what with postage and packaging and the costs of putting them together, you're effectively getting two books for one anyway - so the price isn't that different from what I used to charge.

Books available so far:

POETIQUETTE:
My most recent collection from Spring 2005 - this was limited edition when it came out, so not many copies were dispatched. It's available in a paperback or a hardback version.

MUGSHOTS:
The previous volume from late 2004. Available in paperback.

JUNK/FOOD - ROLLERCOASTER:
A compilation of the first two collections. Available in paperback and hardback.

MOUSE OF COMMONS - MOUSE OF LORDS...:
Is it a children's novel for adults or vice versa? Who cares - it's for anyone to enjoy and it was my first children's novel written back in 2000! It's about mice, by the way - if you hadn't guessed!

Coming soon volumes 3 and 4 in one volume and the first three Shy Yeti stories in one volume!

I've also been writing loads of new poems for the next volume which is provisionally entitled POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL...

Hope you get a chance to take a look at the site! :-)

Happy New Year!

Paul :-)

Hi,

Here's another new one which inspired by some pictures my friend Neph sent me of his dog, Zelda, back home in Mexico. Zelda is a bit of a fashion junky and likes wearing doggy clothes and as it was Neph's birthday yesterday I decided to write the following poem. It's really rather silly, but Neph (and I'm sure Zelda too!) apparently really liked it. Hoorah!

I hope you like it!

Paul

PS Sadly the photo of Zelda was too large a file size for me to include here...
PPS Nothing from the Daily Telegraph as yet! Ah well...


MY DOG IN A DRESS...
(01/12/2005)

My dog in a dress...
Looks better than you!
Her eyes are bright...
Her clothes brand new!
She wags her tail...
She shows no fear!
And unlike you...
She's glad I'm here!
She shows she's happy -
With her lively bark...
Whilst you, my dear...
You've lost your spark!

My dog in glasses...
Is far more swish -
Than you ever were...
Or could even wish!
I know you try...
Your very best...
But my dog she -
Has a certain zest!
Unlike you she knows...
What's chic! What suits!
So ditch your fringe...
And fake fur boots!

My dog in curlers...
Has it “going on!”
Whilst any style you had...
Has surely gone...
Stripes are just -
Not “in” this year...
You're wrong!
On that my dog is clear!!
With her beehive hair -
And her new Ipod...
She looks the biz...
Whilst (once again)
You just look odd!

My dog in fashion...
Wears roller-boots...
She gathers others -
Her new recruits!
Yet none will look...
As good as her...
Then alas, there's you...
A “never were”!
It's time you faced it...
Oh yes indeed!
To just give up...
And accept my
Princess took the lead!

Hi!

I have been working quite a bit on poems for the new collection - having done over 20 now...

Here is a sample of just one of the new ones. It's seasonal and inspired by the fact that my sister in law is due to have a baby anytime now! My dad liked it so much he has just sent it off to the Daily Telegraph! Only time will tell if they like it... Ah well! I hope you do, at least!

More soon! Paul xx


I WANT TO BE BORN BEFORE CHRISTMAS...
(27/11/2005)

I just wanna be born before Christmas...
I hate that I might just miss out!
I wanna big cuddle from Santa...
Though I'm clueless of what he's about!
I may be a sweet unborn baby...
I may not have that many rights...
I might lay there and just do some kicking...
And keep mother awake in the nights!


Yes, I just wanna be born before Christmas...
I've a right to my share of the goods...
Of the turkey, roast tatos and stuffing...
Of the crackers, the cake and mince puds...
I know that you think I am ga-ga...
I know yet I'm not even there...
But I hope you will soon be in labour...
So we make this a family affair!


I just wanna be born before Christmas...
I’d love to see Rudolph’s red nose...
And all of the elves and the reindeer...
But I fear I shall miss all of those!
Yes alas, you will keep me imprisoned...
So I miss all the festive display!
I still don't have a clue to it's meaning...
But I think I prefer it that way!


I insist that I'm born before Christmas...
And I know that this isn't the norm!
But if I miss this event by a minute...
I'm gonna kick up SUCH a storm!
I had hoped to get loads of nice presents...
I had hoped you would give them with glee...
Whilst my own little gift to you people...
Is a pink, screaming bundle – it’s ME!!


Oh, I would like to be born before Christmas...
But I know that I'm not really due...
So I want to be born before Easter...
And I'm afraid that will just have to do!!

Hi,

I've been rather distracted by other projects recently - but am planning a bit of a re-launch of Poetiquette, probably sometime in the new year.

So, what have I been up to since the summer - mainly writing TALES OF A SHY YETI, which you can find posted up at www.shyyeti.blogspot.com - a project which also can be purchased at 2.50 (+ £1 P&P) in a printed form which also includes reprints from my 2003 blogsite WORLD OF YETI and also some of the older, more furrier examples of my poetry.

So far 2 stories have been completed and are ready to buy/view: THE TALES OF THE BIRTHDAY BEAR and THE TALE OF THE TENBY SAUSAGES and episodes are being posted up once a week on the Shy Yeti blog. (Currently up to Part 4 of the 2nd story as of today...) The third story is almost ready to go and the 4th is currently being written.

As of Story 4 I intend to include new poems in the printed volumes of Shy Yeti and the following new verse is one of those. I hope you enjoy it...

Bye for now!

Paul x

I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE 18, AGAIN...
(20/09/2005)

I wouldn't want to be 18 again...
I wouldn't want to be young...
I would rather not endure it...
I would rather just be hung!
I would rather I was dipped...
Into a vat of rancid pears...
I would rather go play kiss chase -
In a forest full of bears!

No, don't make me 18 again...
It's a fate far worse than spots...
I'd rather do your housework, naked...
Yes - I'll scrub your pans and pots...
It's an age when you get growlly...
When you've not yet grown your claws...
When you're feuding with your family...
To champion EVERY useless cause!

Please! I will not be 18 again...
I know I'm sounding weird...
Back then my clothes were gothic...
I never laughed! I simply jeered...
I never flirted with my teacher...
Never had some heady fling!
I simply sat about and moaned some!
I never did a bloody thing!

Yes, I refuse to be 18 again...
There's no way I'm going back...
I'll not get another piercing -
Nor ever smoke another pack!
Yes, it's true my fur was flying...
Yes, my language was obscene...
But we snorted every substance...
And drunk whole pints of Windowlene!!

18 seems such a world away...
And far from being best...
It appears more like some torture...
Or some sad pathetic test...
Such thrills they soon grow boring...
Yes, the novelty wears out...
Replaced by aches and pains -
And a tendency for gout...

I may well become that youth again...
When I'm nearing eighty one...
When my years have all slipped by...
And all my memories have gone...
Should I embrace that second childhood?
Or like some wasp about to die...
Should I sting whoever's passing...
And just forget I once could fly...

Oh, the mystery of the ages...
Oh, the sights that I have seen...
If I have to be reborn soon...
Please, may I skip the age - EIGHTEEN!!!

P.S. You may also like to check out another of my recent blogsites. The online diary of Charlie Grrr - talking bear celebrity and Andy Warhol wannabe - which can be found at www.bearyondbearlief.blogspot.com Charlie has just arrived in London and is finding that the city is far from the cosmopolitan paradise he had expected!!

Thanks to A.A. for the Photo - Copyright A.A. 2004.

Hello and welcome!!

To the second new poem to be released from POETIQUETTE!

It's called CRIME OFTEN PAYS and is an immoral tale of opportunity and responsibility flaunted and misused. So revel in it and lead the revolution, all you Robin Hoods out there.

Copies of POETIQUETTE can be purchased for £5 + £1.50 P&P by contacting me for details at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk.

Another sample will be posted later this month.

Enjoy!

Paul x


CRIME OFTEN PAYS…


Crime often pays is a phrase I believe…

As a means to an end - you’ve a right to deceive!

Yes, a right to a living…

Please, take all you need…

Then go show all those doubters!

You’re bound to succeed!!

Does a polo neck suit you?

Something dapper and dark?

Try the life of a cat burglar –

You could make quite a mark!

Raffles did it before – now…

The finger’s pointing at YOU!

There is much left to steal…

You’ve a lot still to do!

Be a felon – a sneak thief…

Quick! Amassing a horde!

Making sure you enjoy it!

For we’d hate that you’re bored!

Tippy-toed on the rooftop - your swag bag to hand!

With your get-away car and your escape routes all planned!

Ah yes – crime often pays!

Sure, despite all that’s taught!

It’s all there for the taking…

Just now don’t let’s get caught!

Remember prison’s for losers…

For the third rate of brain!

If you must – do your time…

Then get out there again!

Your own crime of the century…

Now, this better be good!

Making front headline news…

Yes, you know that it should!

For if you don’t do it well…

Then no one else gives a fig!

Yes…

Because crime only pays…

ONCE YOU’RE MAKING IT BIG!!

HI!!!

LOOK OUT!

THERE'S ANOTHER POEM ABOUT TO BE POSTED FROM THE NEW BOOK; POETIQUETTE...

WATCH THIS SPACE TOMORROW!!

Paul x

Hello and welcome!!

To the first new poem to be released from POETIQUETTE!

It's called A YETI'S FUR and is a true story of love, life and furry beasties...

Copies of POETIQUETTE can be purchased for £5 + £1.50 P&P by contacting me for details at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk.

Another sample will be posted during the summer.

Enjoy!

Paul x

A YETI’S FUR…


A yeti’s fur will fall out –
If he’s feeling under used…
He’ll make a dreadful sniffle –
If he’s feeling he’s abused…
You will get a baldly yeti…
So best pretend you give a toss…
He will snort and stamp a little…
For he likes to show who’s boss…

A yeti’s eyes will deaden…
If his birthday is forgot…
Make sure it’s on your calendar –
Or his temper may grow hot…
If you haven’t bought him presents…
That are wrapped so bright and gay…
Then best make a hurried exit…
Because things will not be okay!

A yeti’s claws will soon be blunted…
Should he have nothing left to scrape…
He needs his paws for catching dinner…
So they can’t get out of shape…
Of course, he’ll wear a pair of gloves…
For when he’s meeting with the Queen…
Because he wouldn’t want to hurt her…
Nor cut her up – for that is mean.

A yeti’s tum may gurgle…
If he’s not routinely fed with cake…
If you haven’t bought him jelly…
Or a thick milk chocolate shake…
If you haven’t cooked him French fries…
Or pate made from Swedish vole…
If you serve him a koala…
He is sure to eat it whole…

A yeti’s growl will weaken…
If it’s not allowed to grow…
The ones out there on the mountains…
Practice projection, don’t you know…
But a proper city yeti…
Does not always get that chance…
He must attend a special workshop…
So that his growl will soon enhance!

A yeti’s face will sadden –
If you do not give a fig…
He will shrivel up real small…
Although he’s usually so big…
He’ll lose his fur – his tum will grumble...
Weak in claw and meek of growl…
So please NEVER treat a yeti badly…
Incase he throws in the furry towel...

Hi,

I'm finally able to announce the arrival of a new book of verse. It's available as of Monday 23rd May and is entitled POETIQUETTE.

Titles in this volume include:
ALWAYS ATTACH A KITTEN TO YOUR TOAST…
ANTHONY’S SOCKS…
ATTENTION SEEKER…
AWARDS LIKE CANDY…
BALLAD OF SUZIE AND ANGUS…
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE DON’T LOOK DOWN ON ME…
BEING COY…
BRITNEY NEEDS A CARDIE…
CAKE AND EAT IT…
CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE?
COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING…
CRIME OFTEN PAYS…
DEAR ROBERT – DEAR CHARLES…
DO YOU MIND?
THE ETIQUETTE OF AFFAIRS…
FAT MICHELLE…
FEELS LIKE THE END DAYS…
FOREVER BLUBBING…
GAY CHIHUAHUA…
GO DIGITAL…
GROWLY ERIC…
HER OFF THE TELLY…
HIM OFF TV…
HOPELESS ROMANTIC?
I DIDN’T FIT IN (BUT I DO NOW!)
I DIDN’T MEAN IT…
IF DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER…
I HAVE A LIMITED APPEAL…
I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH PHOTOS OF YOUR KIDS…
I REMIND HIM OF SOMEBODY ELSE…
I WANT A LOVER LIKE MATHILDE…
I WANT THEM TO SEE ME…
KIRSTY (COULD REALLY PICK’EM!)
KITTEN IN A BOW TIE…
LIFE IN A JAR…
LOOK AT ME–NOT THROUGH ME…
THE LOVE DITTY OF PAULINE AND GRAHAM…
MATCHMAKING GOD…
A MERRY BAND…
MISTER BEE…
MOLLYCODDLED…
MY MEMORY…
THE NEW CHAV…
NEW KITTY SIDE-KICK…
THE PLACE WHERE EX’S GO…
PLAYING GROWN-UP…
PRE-OP PUP…
PUTTING LIFE ON HOLD…
RED TAPE…
THE RULES OF GOOD-LOOKINGNESS…
SCARED OF THE QUEEN…
A 2ND RATE LOTHARIO…
SHOPPING AROUND…
SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE STRAIGHT…
SOMETHING TO DECLARE…
SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN…
SONNY & CHER OF EUROVISION…
THEY NEVER SAW ME GO…
THOSE DREAMS AGAIN…
TROUBLEMAKER…
VALENTINES DAY IS CANCELLED…
VALENTINES SOLDIERS…
WANNA BE A BEAR…
WHAT IF THEY’D AXED FOOTBALL?
WHEN THE MIGHTY FALL…
WHEN THE MILKMAN CALLS!
WITH ANOTHER…
WON’T STAY SWEET FOREVER…
A YETI’S FUR…
YOU DON’T EXIST…
YOU HAVE YOUR BELIEFS…

You can get a copy by mailing me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk - entitling your mail POETIQUETTE and I'll pass on details of where to send your payment.

I shall be posting the first single from the new book, "A Yeti's Fur" on Monday.

Paul