COMING VERY SOON>>>

OCTOBER 2004!!!

It's been a while in the offing - it was originally entitled MUGSHOTS, but now - it's been rechristened and it's ready to fly...

MONDAY 4TH OCTOBER 2004!!!!

LOVESONGS OF THE BITTER AND TWISTED IS AVAILABLE FOR £3.50 FROM BEECHES BOOKS.

I've already begun work on half a dozen new pieces for ANOTHER volume!!!

Here's one of the new poems... Enjoy!!

Paul x

* TIDDLES HAS A PROBLEM…


Tiddles has a problem –
Yes, he has a lot to lose!
Although he’s soft and furry –
He’s addicted to the booze!!
He drinks a pint of whiskey…
He does it everyday!
Becomes a tad effeminate…
Yet disputes that he is gay!

Tiddles has a problem –
With the string of gals he’s left…
All the furballs that he’s fathered…
Without funding – quite bereft!
A beer boy, lagered love cat!
He just doesn’t have a clue!
Doesn’t come now when they call him…
Not the kitten they once knew…

Tiddles is a problem –
Now the kids don’t like their pet!
There’s been whispers from the parents –
He will have to see a vet!
But Tiddles doesn’t notice…
As he snorts a line of coke…
Laps another milky cocktail…
Enjoys the sun and lights a smoke…

Tiddles hides his problem…
In the garage, quaffing ale!
He thinks that no-one knows but –
You can see it in his tail!
Hides his empties in the garbage!
Smokes his spliff late, dead of night…
His fur is going yellow…
Where once was snowy white!

Tiddles has a problem –
Fear, it’s making him real sick…
He’s got a glass of vodka…
He necks it down real quick!
Oh dear – poor pussy pussy…
Laid now flat upon his back…
A feline alcoholic…
With a sudden heart attack!!

Too much beer and smoking…
Did Tiddles lasting harm…
When he slipped away, was sozzled…
Gently purring - very calm…
No longer has a problem…
No more a secret vice…
Tiddles chose a reckless lifestyle…
When he should have stuck to mice…

Hi!
 
It's nearly time for a new book of poems... The new collection is provisionally entitled MUGSHOTS - more about that very soon... But for now - here is one of the new ones! :-)
 
Here's hoping that you enjoy it!
 
Paul x
 
 
IF I WERE A MOO-COW…
(15/07/2004)
 
If I were a moo-cow…
I would not settle for my lot…
Of grass and milk and mating…
And then chances are – of getting shot…
I don’t want to end my days in burgers…
Served up with Shakes and fries…
All mushed up with other bovines –
They use it all – even the eyes!
 
If I were a moo-cow…
Then I’d have a better plan…
No more flies or crappy mud-packs –
I am simply NOT a fan!
I’d set off and get my hair done –
Buy a trendy pair of shoes…
I have a fuller figure but…
With Sarong’s you cannot lose…
 
If I were a moo-cow…
I would thrive in my new life…
I might even go speed-dating…
Though I’m no Bull’s little wife…
I’d fancy playing hard to get, see…
Sleep around – quite loose of hoof…
In the evening wine and dine them…
In the morning – quite aloof…
 
Yes – if I were a moo-cow…
I’d escape the bonds that tie…
I’d go and see a movie…
Or sit back and watch the sky…
And plot my next adventure…
Perhaps I’d make a free-fall glide…
Would I fancy bungee jumping?
It’s never easy to decide…
 
Yeah - if I were a moo-cow…
I’d not settle for just grass…
Front of queue at Wimbledon…
I’d let no bugger pass…
My face in all the papers…
And in the WANTED files…
Explicit teat shots at the Ivy –
After nights out on the tiles!
 
But alas, no more a moo-cow…
Alas, can have no fun…
I’ve left it much too late…
Now I’m a sausage in a bun…
Spent too long daydreaming…
Of what I’d like to do…
So, now alas, ex-moo-cow…
Simply here – for you to chew…
 
Copyright Paul Chandler 2004.

COMING SOON - NEXT WEEK ON THIS SITE...

Details on new poems... Until then... Something new... Enjoy!!!

Until next week...

CRASHING BORES!


Crashing bores -

Will fall the hardest -

The higher up they've gone...

Victors mock the vanquished -

Depending just how well they've won...

Vicious dogs will bark the fiercest -

If you show how much you're scared...

Ex-lovers oft more spiteful -

When they know -

You REALLY cared!

Fake tears may flood a river -

When they're cried -

So strong - so hard!

Crappy writers write a sequel -

When believing they're the Bard...

Yes, poets - girls - n dogs n stuff...

Can drive you off your nut!

Best pretend you cannot hear them -

Just make sure your eyes are shut!

Crashing bores should be avoided!

Mustn't be allowed to pounce -

When they fall -

Remove their trampolines...

That way they'll -

NEVER

BOUNCE!!

COMING SOON...

SOMETHING OLD - SOMETHING NEW...

100 Poems...

The best of the rest of volumes 1-3
The best of volumes 4-5
+ 25 New Compositions...

Available from PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM from February 2004 for £5.00

The 25 new poems are also available separately as SOMETHING NEW - £2.00

More details soon...

Til then - a taster from the new poems - written over Christmas...

FLAUNT TRADITION...


I choose to flaunt tradition –

I choose this way to be…

I will have a mug of whiskey…

Not a milky cup of tea!

I prefer to do whatever…

All the other guys do not!

If they’re serving plates of ice cream –

I would rather eat mine HOT!

When folk struggle into Offices…

I slumber way past Noon…

I sunbathe in the Winter…

Have my Christmas Day in June!

I watch the telly static…

It’s the best show on the box!

Stick my fingers into sockets –

Cos I like to get the shocks!

I celebrate my birthday –

Every day but that was born…

I refuse to fake politeness –

And quite openly I yawn!!!

I turn my back to Royalty…

I laugh at children, small…

I embrace all loony factions…

When e’er they care to call!

I wear pink on sad occasions…

And black on happy days…

I like to stare at bigots –

And I’ll never shift my gaze…

I choose to flaunt tradition –

I’ll decide what’s wrong – what’s right…

If you spend enough time with me…

I’ll soon convince you…

BLACK IS WHITE…