THE AUTUMNAL E.P. IS NOW AVAILABLE FROM PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM for £2.50, (£3.50 if posted)
Here follows the last piece to be written for it... The kinda seasonal WICKED SANTA...
HAPPY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!
WICKED SANTA...
What did Santa bring me?
What did Papa Santa bring?
A cute and furry bunny -
With unsightly nipple ring?
A box of rock hard toffees?
A bloody body bag?
A shapely, sexy model -
Who's in truth an evil hag...
A purse that's full of money -
Legal tender now no more...
A replica Titanic...
Without a Ship-to-Shore...
I had visions of a Roller...
But I'll probably get a hearse...
A punctured Raleigh Chopper -
Or an ancient wicked curse...
Win the jackpot at the bingo?
Spin the Roulette Wheel again?
Win a fiver on the horses?
I invest and yet in vain...
Do I expect too much from Santa?
Have I been a wicked man...
I know I'm over 30...
But I behave the best I can...
Back last year he came to visit -
But brought along with him a bill...
To pay my ex's debts off...
And I'm paying them off still...
Oh, what will Santa send me?
When he comes - begin to fear...
Lots of yummy goodies...
Causing diarrhoea...
Christmas - for the children...
Christmas - for the mad...
I am gonna kidnap Santa...
And perhaps be really bad...
I might just dress as St. Nick...
Might just steal the nicest stuff...
Give myself a Happy Christmas...
Sometimes you must play rough...
What did Santa bring me?
He brought the whole darn lot...
I will have a dead good Chrimbo...
Though you folk –
Alas –
Will Not...
:-)
Friday, October 10, 2003
HI YA!
I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT ALL THE WRITING WORK FOR THE AUTUMNAL E.P. IS NOW COMPLETED AS OF TODAY...
THE NEW VOLUME IS CURRENTLY BEING PROOF-READ AND WILL BE AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE FOR JUST 250 OF YOUR SHINY BRONZE PENNIES. (£2.50 DIRECT FROM ME - £.3.50 WITH P&P)
THE ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE OF 10/11/03 AND LAUNCH PARTY IN SAN FRANCISCO HAS BEEN CHANGED AND THE NEW VOLUME IS NOW EXPECTED IN DECEMBER. :-)
COPIES CAN BE ORDERED FROM BEECHES PUBLICATIONS - CONTACTED AT EITHER SHYYETI@YAHOO.CO.UK OR PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM
THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY 35 POEMS IN THIS COLLECTION INCLUDING THE FOLLOWING VERSE : BLUE EYED LOVER...
OTHER TITLES INCLUDE: ALL THE RAGE… , ANIMAL CRUELTY., BACK THEN…, THE BALLAD OF SHY YETI., THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS…, CALL OF THE MILD., CLARE, SINGING…, DID KOJAC USE CURLERS?, DIRECTIONS OF ATTRACTION., DON’T CHANGE., FATHER CONFESSOR, MY HAIRDRESSER…, THE FEARSOME PANTHER OF THE MONSAL TRAIL!, FIREWORK., FOR A WEEKEND., GONE SOME TIME NOW., HOW CAN WE BE WRONG? (LOVES 1-5)…, I WANT YOU NOW… (NO I DON’T!), JUST HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU…, MOST BIZARRE!!! (FATE VS FETE)., MY LOVER IS LOST…, THE NEXT BIG THING., NIL POINTS., ODE TO AN ANORAK., PANDORA’S POSTBOX., POWER DRESSING., SHAKEN UP…, SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA…, STEAL A MILLION…, TELEPATHICALLY SPEAKING., THIS TIME IT WAS ME WHO DONE WRONG., WHISPERS OF SONG., WHO CAN SAY?, WHY AREN’T YOU CRYING?, WHY CAN’T WE?, WORN ROMANTIC…
MORE DETAILS NEARER THE TIME - I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FOLLOWING SAMPLE.
BLUE EYED LOVER (GREEN EYED FREAK).
Such a blue eyed lover –
My green eyed freak…
Gets SO darn jealous…
He couldn’t speak!
His eyelids twitch…
His knuckles crack…
Entombed within –
His packa-mac!
Face taking on –
A growly leer…
All fluffy love –
Swift disappear…
Not say a word –
Just stand and hiss…
Quite immune –
To my lover’s kiss…
Quite unmoved by –
Gentle hugs…
Or home cooked food…
Or Class A drugs…
Solid – staring…
Statue still…
It’s possible…
He’s kinda ill…
Blue eyed lover – green eyed fool…
About to snap…
Yet icy cool…
Blue eyed lover –
Green-eyed freak…
How much I love…
Your jealous streak…
COMING SPRING 2004: LYRICS WITHOUT A TUNE - A COLLECTION OF MY BEST POEMS FROM MY FIRST JUNK/FOOD, ROLLERCOASTER, THIRD TIME LUCKY, GO 4TH & DIVIDE... AND INCLUDING 10-15 NEW COMPOSITIONS.
I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT ALL THE WRITING WORK FOR THE AUTUMNAL E.P. IS NOW COMPLETED AS OF TODAY...
THE NEW VOLUME IS CURRENTLY BEING PROOF-READ AND WILL BE AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE FOR JUST 250 OF YOUR SHINY BRONZE PENNIES. (£2.50 DIRECT FROM ME - £.3.50 WITH P&P)
THE ORIGINAL RELEASE DATE OF 10/11/03 AND LAUNCH PARTY IN SAN FRANCISCO HAS BEEN CHANGED AND THE NEW VOLUME IS NOW EXPECTED IN DECEMBER. :-)
COPIES CAN BE ORDERED FROM BEECHES PUBLICATIONS - CONTACTED AT EITHER SHYYETI@YAHOO.CO.UK OR PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM
THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY 35 POEMS IN THIS COLLECTION INCLUDING THE FOLLOWING VERSE : BLUE EYED LOVER...
OTHER TITLES INCLUDE: ALL THE RAGE… , ANIMAL CRUELTY., BACK THEN…, THE BALLAD OF SHY YETI., THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS…, CALL OF THE MILD., CLARE, SINGING…, DID KOJAC USE CURLERS?, DIRECTIONS OF ATTRACTION., DON’T CHANGE., FATHER CONFESSOR, MY HAIRDRESSER…, THE FEARSOME PANTHER OF THE MONSAL TRAIL!, FIREWORK., FOR A WEEKEND., GONE SOME TIME NOW., HOW CAN WE BE WRONG? (LOVES 1-5)…, I WANT YOU NOW… (NO I DON’T!), JUST HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU…, MOST BIZARRE!!! (FATE VS FETE)., MY LOVER IS LOST…, THE NEXT BIG THING., NIL POINTS., ODE TO AN ANORAK., PANDORA’S POSTBOX., POWER DRESSING., SHAKEN UP…, SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA…, STEAL A MILLION…, TELEPATHICALLY SPEAKING., THIS TIME IT WAS ME WHO DONE WRONG., WHISPERS OF SONG., WHO CAN SAY?, WHY AREN’T YOU CRYING?, WHY CAN’T WE?, WORN ROMANTIC…
MORE DETAILS NEARER THE TIME - I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FOLLOWING SAMPLE.
BLUE EYED LOVER (GREEN EYED FREAK).
Such a blue eyed lover –
My green eyed freak…
Gets SO darn jealous…
He couldn’t speak!
His eyelids twitch…
His knuckles crack…
Entombed within –
His packa-mac!
Face taking on –
A growly leer…
All fluffy love –
Swift disappear…
Not say a word –
Just stand and hiss…
Quite immune –
To my lover’s kiss…
Quite unmoved by –
Gentle hugs…
Or home cooked food…
Or Class A drugs…
Solid – staring…
Statue still…
It’s possible…
He’s kinda ill…
Blue eyed lover – green eyed fool…
About to snap…
Yet icy cool…
Blue eyed lover –
Green-eyed freak…
How much I love…
Your jealous streak…
COMING SPRING 2004: LYRICS WITHOUT A TUNE - A COLLECTION OF MY BEST POEMS FROM MY FIRST JUNK/FOOD, ROLLERCOASTER, THIRD TIME LUCKY, GO 4TH & DIVIDE... AND INCLUDING 10-15 NEW COMPOSITIONS.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Hello!
Things are going well with my next collection of poems : THE AUTUMNAL E.P.
I've written about 25 so far and the collection is only going to be about 30 pieces long this time. Writing and editing work is due to be completed whilst I'm away in the Lake District at the end of September and then I hope the finished volume will be out at the start of November.
My older poetry volumes are still available to buy (see previous post below) - however here is the first sample from the new collection - a piece entitled ANIMAL CRUELTY... Enjoy! Paul x
ANIMAL CRUELTY.
Would you like to alarm a Llama?
Would you care to poke a pig?
Or perhaps knee cap a Kanga…
Though their feet are rather big…
Wanna trifle with a tiger?
Pea-shoot a swan or two…
Or dunk a drunken donkey…
In a pile of steaming poo…
Maybe pluck spines from a hedgehog…
Charge them money for return…
Leave a lion scared and naked…
Crown jewels hidden by a fern…
Could try cussing at a Cart-horse…
Or Bitch-slap a Buffalo?
Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it!
‘Cos you simply wouldn’t know…
Make a lamb feel quite uncomfortable…
By shouting out “Mint Sauce!”
Tease an owl with cryptic crosswords -
Or old episodes of Morse!
Move some noisy foreign tourists –
To a quiet mouse’s hole…
Steal a bear’s prized pot of honey…
Put a sheep dog on the dole…
Would it make you very merry -
Just to see a young calf die…
You lure it home by moo-ing…
Next it’s in your Cottage pie…
Cause a tantrum with a terrapin –
Laughing rudely in it’s face…
Keep reminding Mr Hare ‘bout –
How the tortoise won that race…
Slam-dance a Salamander -
Sending stink bombs down the farm…
I can see you gaily chortle -
At the thought of causing harm!
So…
Before you torture Easter bunnies…
I will tell you now please don’t…
You may find it rather funny…
But the beasties surely won’t!!!
Things are going well with my next collection of poems : THE AUTUMNAL E.P.
I've written about 25 so far and the collection is only going to be about 30 pieces long this time. Writing and editing work is due to be completed whilst I'm away in the Lake District at the end of September and then I hope the finished volume will be out at the start of November.
My older poetry volumes are still available to buy (see previous post below) - however here is the first sample from the new collection - a piece entitled ANIMAL CRUELTY... Enjoy! Paul x
ANIMAL CRUELTY.
Would you like to alarm a Llama?
Would you care to poke a pig?
Or perhaps knee cap a Kanga…
Though their feet are rather big…
Wanna trifle with a tiger?
Pea-shoot a swan or two…
Or dunk a drunken donkey…
In a pile of steaming poo…
Maybe pluck spines from a hedgehog…
Charge them money for return…
Leave a lion scared and naked…
Crown jewels hidden by a fern…
Could try cussing at a Cart-horse…
Or Bitch-slap a Buffalo?
Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it!
‘Cos you simply wouldn’t know…
Make a lamb feel quite uncomfortable…
By shouting out “Mint Sauce!”
Tease an owl with cryptic crosswords -
Or old episodes of Morse!
Move some noisy foreign tourists –
To a quiet mouse’s hole…
Steal a bear’s prized pot of honey…
Put a sheep dog on the dole…
Would it make you very merry -
Just to see a young calf die…
You lure it home by moo-ing…
Next it’s in your Cottage pie…
Cause a tantrum with a terrapin –
Laughing rudely in it’s face…
Keep reminding Mr Hare ‘bout –
How the tortoise won that race…
Slam-dance a Salamander -
Sending stink bombs down the farm…
I can see you gaily chortle -
At the thought of causing harm!
So…
Before you torture Easter bunnies…
I will tell you now please don’t…
You may find it rather funny…
But the beasties surely won’t!!!
Monday, August 04, 2003
BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!!!!!
Well sort of...
The poem published below is from my new collection GO 4TH AND DIVIDE!! which is now available to buy from BEECHES PUBLISHING, PRICED £3.50.
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE contains over 70 new compositions and also a short piece of prose... This volume is more upbeat in tone than THIRD TIME LUCKY and includes such titles as EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI, FURRY FROM THE DEEP, THEY CAME FROM OUTER HEBRIDES as well as BLACK AND WHITE COWS, YOU AND WHOSE ARMY and DRUNK which have already been posted on this site.
Copies can be ordered from me by requesting further information to PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM or SHYYETI@YAHOO.CO.UK
Thank you to all of you who have already purchased their copies.
The following poem, SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW... comes from the new book but was originally written especially for my most excellent friend, Nick Goodman, for his and his wife, Aly's, wedding day - where I was very excited to be best man. Since the big day on Saturday 5th July 2003 I have been asked for copies of the poem so it seemed the most obvious piece to post up as another example from the new volume.
I hope you enjoy it! :-)
Paul x
PS I am currently working at a gentle pace, on a new volume of poems, tentatively entitled THE AUTUMNAL E.P. which is intended to be available in good time for Christmas, this year. Already a dozen new pieces have been completed and I'll be posting further details and maybe an example sometime early next month.
SOMETHING OLD – SOMETHING NEW…
(SOMETHING BORROWED – SOMETHING WHO…)
A.K.A. HIS NECCESSITIES FOR MARRIED LIFE.
He’s got a list of things he needs…
For when they both are married…
We have hired a truck for the honeymoon…
So his belongings can safely be carried!
He’s been ploughing through his possessions…
Chucking stuff out he won’t need…
A pair of brightly coloured flares!
That have rather gone to seed…
Re-read every script he’s EVER written -
Off by heart he has them ALL learnt…
He’s kept his signed photos of Pammy Sue…
But the Rupert Bear Annual’s he’s burnt…
He knows his Woody Allen…
Doomwatch and Dr Who by heart…
Re-watched Tomorrow People…
And Blake’s 7 – right from the start!
He’s polished his Sonic Screwdriver –
Had me knitting him a scarf…
Which is bigger than Salisbury Cathedral…
And would smother a giraffe!
He’s tried to stop himself from bouncing –
Just like Tigger – full of joy…
Has been practicing his impressions –
Of Pertwee, Baker and McCoy…
I recall our trips to Oxfam…
Quests for vinyl – years gone by…
Endless hunts in search of Buggles…
And Boney M! Oh my….
Down the years we’ve done some crazy stuff…
Film making in our sleep…
Dressed up in stupid costumes -
Chased by monsters on the cheap!
I went with him to Plymouth…
Drunk pints in Sheffield’s pubs…
We’ve even been to Vegas…
Danced in Camberley’s trendy clubs…
But finally now he’s ready…
Prepared – raring to leave…
They are married on this day…
Now the luggage we must heave…
He’s got his TARDIS pencil case…
Which is bigger in than out…
His blow-up doll of Servalan…
There’s not a lot of those about!
I have given him my Dalek hat…
And those K9 slippers! STORED!!!
He’s got time-travelling pyjamas…
Though they’ve lost the vital cord!
He’s got it all now – packed and ready…
Sapphire and Steel on DVD…
One day this man will rule the world…
Or at least the BBC!!
But something still isn’t right now…
As he departs for his new life…
What is it he’s forgotten?
Oh goodness…
“WHERE’S THE WIFE!?!” :-)
Well sort of...
The poem published below is from my new collection GO 4TH AND DIVIDE!! which is now available to buy from BEECHES PUBLISHING, PRICED £3.50.
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE contains over 70 new compositions and also a short piece of prose... This volume is more upbeat in tone than THIRD TIME LUCKY and includes such titles as EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI, FURRY FROM THE DEEP, THEY CAME FROM OUTER HEBRIDES as well as BLACK AND WHITE COWS, YOU AND WHOSE ARMY and DRUNK which have already been posted on this site.
Copies can be ordered from me by requesting further information to PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM or SHYYETI@YAHOO.CO.UK
Thank you to all of you who have already purchased their copies.
The following poem, SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW... comes from the new book but was originally written especially for my most excellent friend, Nick Goodman, for his and his wife, Aly's, wedding day - where I was very excited to be best man. Since the big day on Saturday 5th July 2003 I have been asked for copies of the poem so it seemed the most obvious piece to post up as another example from the new volume.
I hope you enjoy it! :-)
Paul x
PS I am currently working at a gentle pace, on a new volume of poems, tentatively entitled THE AUTUMNAL E.P. which is intended to be available in good time for Christmas, this year. Already a dozen new pieces have been completed and I'll be posting further details and maybe an example sometime early next month.
SOMETHING OLD – SOMETHING NEW…
(SOMETHING BORROWED – SOMETHING WHO…)
A.K.A. HIS NECCESSITIES FOR MARRIED LIFE.
He’s got a list of things he needs…
For when they both are married…
We have hired a truck for the honeymoon…
So his belongings can safely be carried!
He’s been ploughing through his possessions…
Chucking stuff out he won’t need…
A pair of brightly coloured flares!
That have rather gone to seed…
Re-read every script he’s EVER written -
Off by heart he has them ALL learnt…
He’s kept his signed photos of Pammy Sue…
But the Rupert Bear Annual’s he’s burnt…
He knows his Woody Allen…
Doomwatch and Dr Who by heart…
Re-watched Tomorrow People…
And Blake’s 7 – right from the start!
He’s polished his Sonic Screwdriver –
Had me knitting him a scarf…
Which is bigger than Salisbury Cathedral…
And would smother a giraffe!
He’s tried to stop himself from bouncing –
Just like Tigger – full of joy…
Has been practicing his impressions –
Of Pertwee, Baker and McCoy…
I recall our trips to Oxfam…
Quests for vinyl – years gone by…
Endless hunts in search of Buggles…
And Boney M! Oh my….
Down the years we’ve done some crazy stuff…
Film making in our sleep…
Dressed up in stupid costumes -
Chased by monsters on the cheap!
I went with him to Plymouth…
Drunk pints in Sheffield’s pubs…
We’ve even been to Vegas…
Danced in Camberley’s trendy clubs…
But finally now he’s ready…
Prepared – raring to leave…
They are married on this day…
Now the luggage we must heave…
He’s got his TARDIS pencil case…
Which is bigger in than out…
His blow-up doll of Servalan…
There’s not a lot of those about!
I have given him my Dalek hat…
And those K9 slippers! STORED!!!
He’s got time-travelling pyjamas…
Though they’ve lost the vital cord!
He’s got it all now – packed and ready…
Sapphire and Steel on DVD…
One day this man will rule the world…
Or at least the BBC!!
But something still isn’t right now…
As he departs for his new life…
What is it he’s forgotten?
Oh goodness…
“WHERE’S THE WIFE!?!” :-)
Friday, July 18, 2003
AT LAST!!!!!!
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE!! IS NOW AVAILABLE TO BUY. RELEASED ON MONDAY 21ST JULY 2003, PRICED £3.50 FROM BEECHES PUBLISHING.
Thank you to all of you who have already purchased their copies.
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE contains over 70 new compositions and also a short piece of prose... This volume is more upbeat in tone than THIRD TIME LUCKY and includes such titles as EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI, FURRY FROM THE DEEP, THEY CAME FROM OUTER HEBRIDES as well as BLACK AND WHITE COWS and DRUNK which have already been posted on this site.
Copies can be ordered from me by requesting further information to PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM or SHYYETI@YAHOO.CO.UK
The following poem, YOU AND WHOSE ARMY also resides in the new volume...
I hope you enjoy it! :-)
Paul x
YOU AND WHOSE ARMY?
I’m building up my army…
I’m building up a force!
I’ve got a brand new catapult and –
A two-legged battle horse…
I’ve a rabbit with a machine gun…
A band of field mice with grenades…
A failed Oxford academic -
Who just couldn’t get the grades!
I’ve a taxman down in Plymouth -
Who is keen to join the cause!
A bank account with twenty quid in –
Concealed on foreign shores!
I know a leprechaun from Dublin –
Who intends to give me luck…
I’ve a kitten with a flick knife and…
An armour-plated truck!
I’m building up my army…
I’m building up my troops…
I’ve got a semi-sighted monkey –
Who can fart and jump through hoops!
I’ve a sheep dog with army training…
Mother’s Union contacts high!
A kite with a scary dragon on -
Though with holes it fails to fly…
I’ve a flock of dead hard budgies…
Who will give a nasty nip!
A pack of pre-teen ravers…
Who will really give you lip!
I own a violin case –
Can you guess what is inside?
Well, just a fiddle - as it happens…
But folk never can decide!
I’m building up my army…
I’m training up the gang…
I’ve got an angry ginger Tom…
Who is mad and nicknamed, “FANG!”
I’ve got ex-members of old boy-bands…
Who’ll caterwaul ‘til windows shatter…
They’ve not said if they’ll bring Lulu…
But I don’t think that this will matter…
I’ve written off to rejects…
Who were stars back years ago…
Emu just ignored me -
Basil Brush he just boomed, “NO!”
Still, we do not need these extras…
We’ll do fine with what we’ve got!
Just listen for the rumpus…
Ring out that single shot…
I’m building up my army…
(Not sure for what…)
But hey, just wait and see…
That scuffle in the city…
Will be us…
My force
And…
ME!
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE!! IS NOW AVAILABLE TO BUY. RELEASED ON MONDAY 21ST JULY 2003, PRICED £3.50 FROM BEECHES PUBLISHING.
Thank you to all of you who have already purchased their copies.
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE contains over 70 new compositions and also a short piece of prose... This volume is more upbeat in tone than THIRD TIME LUCKY and includes such titles as EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI, FURRY FROM THE DEEP, THEY CAME FROM OUTER HEBRIDES as well as BLACK AND WHITE COWS and DRUNK which have already been posted on this site.
Copies can be ordered from me by requesting further information to PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM or SHYYETI@YAHOO.CO.UK
The following poem, YOU AND WHOSE ARMY also resides in the new volume...
I hope you enjoy it! :-)
Paul x
YOU AND WHOSE ARMY?
I’m building up my army…
I’m building up a force!
I’ve got a brand new catapult and –
A two-legged battle horse…
I’ve a rabbit with a machine gun…
A band of field mice with grenades…
A failed Oxford academic -
Who just couldn’t get the grades!
I’ve a taxman down in Plymouth -
Who is keen to join the cause!
A bank account with twenty quid in –
Concealed on foreign shores!
I know a leprechaun from Dublin –
Who intends to give me luck…
I’ve a kitten with a flick knife and…
An armour-plated truck!
I’m building up my army…
I’m building up my troops…
I’ve got a semi-sighted monkey –
Who can fart and jump through hoops!
I’ve a sheep dog with army training…
Mother’s Union contacts high!
A kite with a scary dragon on -
Though with holes it fails to fly…
I’ve a flock of dead hard budgies…
Who will give a nasty nip!
A pack of pre-teen ravers…
Who will really give you lip!
I own a violin case –
Can you guess what is inside?
Well, just a fiddle - as it happens…
But folk never can decide!
I’m building up my army…
I’m training up the gang…
I’ve got an angry ginger Tom…
Who is mad and nicknamed, “FANG!”
I’ve got ex-members of old boy-bands…
Who’ll caterwaul ‘til windows shatter…
They’ve not said if they’ll bring Lulu…
But I don’t think that this will matter…
I’ve written off to rejects…
Who were stars back years ago…
Emu just ignored me -
Basil Brush he just boomed, “NO!”
Still, we do not need these extras…
We’ll do fine with what we’ve got!
Just listen for the rumpus…
Ring out that single shot…
I’m building up my army…
(Not sure for what…)
But hey, just wait and see…
That scuffle in the city…
Will be us…
My force
And…
ME!
Thursday, May 22, 2003
NEWS!!!
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE is currently in the final stages of editing and contains 60+ new compositions... It should be available from early July priced £3.50.
Here's one of the new ones! Hope you like it...
Paul xx
BLACK AND WHITE COWS…
Are black and white Cows –
Only black and white…
Because they can’t afford the license fee!?!
Are they jealous of the coloured ones…
Mooing, “Why IS it them and NEVER me!!!”
Then again the coloured ones just look silly…
They’re reddy-brown or sepia-toned!
They are probably just the rejects -
Which no-one EVER wanted cloned!
Did you ever see a blue cow? -
Or one in maroon and polka-dot?
Most likely black and white just works the best…
Whilst vivid pink – well – just DOES NOT!!!
Have you ever seen a black and white cow –
Getting drunk and acting rude?
Only coloured ones do things like that –
Or talk like dear-hearted Ermintrude!
Still – talking cows they can intimidate –
Talking cows can seem perverse!
Black and white cows simply stand and chew –
Yes, I prefer they don’t converse!
Black and white looks best at parties…
Black and white looks cool on farms!
It’s not dull like beige or cream is…
Or so loud it sets off car alarms!
No… Black and white cows…
Are black and white…
‘Cos they know it looks the best!
They’re the trend-setters of the bovine world!
And the envy of ALL the rest!!!
GO 4TH AND DIVIDE is currently in the final stages of editing and contains 60+ new compositions... It should be available from early July priced £3.50.
Here's one of the new ones! Hope you like it...
Paul xx
BLACK AND WHITE COWS…
Are black and white Cows –
Only black and white…
Because they can’t afford the license fee!?!
Are they jealous of the coloured ones…
Mooing, “Why IS it them and NEVER me!!!”
Then again the coloured ones just look silly…
They’re reddy-brown or sepia-toned!
They are probably just the rejects -
Which no-one EVER wanted cloned!
Did you ever see a blue cow? -
Or one in maroon and polka-dot?
Most likely black and white just works the best…
Whilst vivid pink – well – just DOES NOT!!!
Have you ever seen a black and white cow –
Getting drunk and acting rude?
Only coloured ones do things like that –
Or talk like dear-hearted Ermintrude!
Still – talking cows they can intimidate –
Talking cows can seem perverse!
Black and white cows simply stand and chew –
Yes, I prefer they don’t converse!
Black and white looks best at parties…
Black and white looks cool on farms!
It’s not dull like beige or cream is…
Or so loud it sets off car alarms!
No… Black and white cows…
Are black and white…
‘Cos they know it looks the best!
They’re the trend-setters of the bovine world!
And the envy of ALL the rest!!!
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Greetings!!!
As promised here is a bit about the 18 poems I've completed since the last collection came out in early December. I am working on another half dozen more at the moment - so they'll be plenty of others to join these, which I will preview soon.
Thanks to Anthony T, Stephen W, Brett L, Richard F, Lisa P, Julie F, Harry F, Calum W, Jo O and anyone else I've inflicted these new ditties on - for road-testing the early drafts and saying nice things. Ta guys! :) xx
DARK HORSE.
A silly ditty about the goings on of a - well - quite literally a dark horse - and a secret agent dark horse to boot!
DATING SEASON.
Theories on dating - when to, when not to - why it just won't ever work out!
DECORATING MORRISSEY.
It's Christmas - everyone is happy - everyone is festive - except for one sweet god; the legend that is Morrissey, lost on a street corner sometime in the late 1980s.
DRUNK.
The perils of getting drunk and quite how easy it is to make mistakes along the way...
EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI.
Have you ever been pursued by a yeti? The result can be remarkably furry but not altogether unpleasant... The same can not be said for encounters with some of the other beasties mentioned in this ditty.
GETTING ON FAMOUSLY.
An exercise in mutual fan worship.
GREAT MAN.
The perils of meeting your idol and how to overcome disappointment.
HE SANG.
Tales from the Karoake bar - where faith in each other's misery is the only thing that is keeping everyone sane!
KILLING TIME.
Ever found it necessary to kill time? What, really Kill it? Well - you obviously didn't succeed cos time is still here - at least for a little while longer...
MARSHMALLOW HEART - 2.
A sequel to last years Valentines ditty. This year one recommends kidnapping hunky waiters to ensure a pleasant evening.
REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15.
It's time for the commuters to rebel. There's only one way in which we're all going to get to work on time... Found out how! It's easy!
ROSEY TINTED LIFE.
How many people live their relationships - wearing rosey tinted spectacles? The character of this ditty is just one of many... But then when the truth is out sometimes folk just want life back the way it once were - even if it means a spot of self-deception.
SHE TAKES OFF HER RINGS.
A woman on the edge of a relationship. Full of extreme and heartfelt statements of intent. She is left on the side - she plans a new life - until...
SOMETHING OLD - SOMETHING NEW.
As Best Man it is necessary to prepare the Groom for what he will need for married life - some of it comes naturally - but what the Bride may not realise is that it may also involve several hundred boxes containing videos of Dr Who... And that's just the start!
SOON ON YOUR WAY : STRIKES BACK?
A leaving poem - rewritten for a serial killer!
STALKER.
Tales of being stalked... Inspired by a friend of mine who was followed home by a strange admirer whom he later decided to go out on a date with...
TEN DAYS FROM HEART BREAK.
Dating can bring out the best or the worst in us all. Sometimes it is the making of us - sometimes it means nothing at all - but then, just sometimes the end of a relationship can break us in two...
WE HAVE MICE.
Discussions with mice and what should be done when one finds one sharing everyday life with the wee beasties...
The full collection, which contains these pieces and is to be called GO 4TH AND DIVIDE will be out by SUMMER/AUTUMN 2003.
Previews of some of these poems will appear on the site over the next few months.
Paul x
As promised here is a bit about the 18 poems I've completed since the last collection came out in early December. I am working on another half dozen more at the moment - so they'll be plenty of others to join these, which I will preview soon.
Thanks to Anthony T, Stephen W, Brett L, Richard F, Lisa P, Julie F, Harry F, Calum W, Jo O and anyone else I've inflicted these new ditties on - for road-testing the early drafts and saying nice things. Ta guys! :) xx
DARK HORSE.
A silly ditty about the goings on of a - well - quite literally a dark horse - and a secret agent dark horse to boot!
DATING SEASON.
Theories on dating - when to, when not to - why it just won't ever work out!
DECORATING MORRISSEY.
It's Christmas - everyone is happy - everyone is festive - except for one sweet god; the legend that is Morrissey, lost on a street corner sometime in the late 1980s.
DRUNK.
The perils of getting drunk and quite how easy it is to make mistakes along the way...
EXIT, PURSUED BY A YETI.
Have you ever been pursued by a yeti? The result can be remarkably furry but not altogether unpleasant... The same can not be said for encounters with some of the other beasties mentioned in this ditty.
GETTING ON FAMOUSLY.
An exercise in mutual fan worship.
GREAT MAN.
The perils of meeting your idol and how to overcome disappointment.
HE SANG.
Tales from the Karoake bar - where faith in each other's misery is the only thing that is keeping everyone sane!
KILLING TIME.
Ever found it necessary to kill time? What, really Kill it? Well - you obviously didn't succeed cos time is still here - at least for a little while longer...
MARSHMALLOW HEART - 2.
A sequel to last years Valentines ditty. This year one recommends kidnapping hunky waiters to ensure a pleasant evening.
REVOLUTION ON THE 8.15.
It's time for the commuters to rebel. There's only one way in which we're all going to get to work on time... Found out how! It's easy!
ROSEY TINTED LIFE.
How many people live their relationships - wearing rosey tinted spectacles? The character of this ditty is just one of many... But then when the truth is out sometimes folk just want life back the way it once were - even if it means a spot of self-deception.
SHE TAKES OFF HER RINGS.
A woman on the edge of a relationship. Full of extreme and heartfelt statements of intent. She is left on the side - she plans a new life - until...
SOMETHING OLD - SOMETHING NEW.
As Best Man it is necessary to prepare the Groom for what he will need for married life - some of it comes naturally - but what the Bride may not realise is that it may also involve several hundred boxes containing videos of Dr Who... And that's just the start!
SOON ON YOUR WAY : STRIKES BACK?
A leaving poem - rewritten for a serial killer!
STALKER.
Tales of being stalked... Inspired by a friend of mine who was followed home by a strange admirer whom he later decided to go out on a date with...
TEN DAYS FROM HEART BREAK.
Dating can bring out the best or the worst in us all. Sometimes it is the making of us - sometimes it means nothing at all - but then, just sometimes the end of a relationship can break us in two...
WE HAVE MICE.
Discussions with mice and what should be done when one finds one sharing everyday life with the wee beasties...
The full collection, which contains these pieces and is to be called GO 4TH AND DIVIDE will be out by SUMMER/AUTUMN 2003.
Previews of some of these poems will appear on the site over the next few months.
Paul x
Monday, March 03, 2003
Hi ya,
Check out the site below for some new poem "DRUNK" with more new postings to come during Spring 2003...
STILL AVAILABLE...
THIRD TIME LUCKY!
Including over 60 new pieces of verse by myself, Mr Paul Chandler - from the silly to the serious...
Available now... Priced £2.50.
Thanks again to all those who already have copies.
For those of you who have avoided them until now you can also purchase...
JUNK/FOOD... The First Collection. Priced £1.99
ROLLERCOASTER... The Second Collection. Priced £2.50
AND ALSO!!!
WOO-ED AWAKENINGS!
THE BEST OF THE FIRST THREE VOLUMES... Priced £2.50.
AVAILABLE FROM BEECHES PUBLISHING.
Before I go... A sample from the latest collection... :)
THIRD TIME LUCKY.
First times never work out...
She learnt this fact first hand...
Married to a drummer -
From a heavy metal band!
Her first job was a nightmare!
Her first car fell apart!
She ran away to Brighton -
On a junkyard horse and cart!
Her first affair was fated!
Her first bank job a flop!
Saved from jail by offering -
Gold bullion to a cop!
First time on tele-vision -
She forgot quite what to say!
Her first night as a call girl -
With a man who didn't pay!
First attempts to choose a winner -
Grand National pick came last...
So, she had to try a second time...
Range available was vast!
Her second job was scary...
Free-falling from a plane!
Her second car exploded -
Whilst on a trip to Spain!
Her second husband too no better -
He used to dress like her...
And had a crush on Ironside...
(As played by Raymond Burr...)
Affairs - bank jobs and telly...
All met a drastic fate...
Her second National fancy,
Fell at the second gate!
BUT her third attempts were splendid!
Third husband quite adored!
Third job was quite successful!
Fighter pilot! Never bored!
Third car a large Ferrari!
Third National choice - HE WON BY MILES!
Third bank job earnt her millions -
And nights out on the tiles!
Sometimes first tries are fated!
Second times more often suck!
Best persevere a third time!
Fingers crossed for third time luck!
Check out the site below for some new poem "DRUNK" with more new postings to come during Spring 2003...
STILL AVAILABLE...
THIRD TIME LUCKY!
Including over 60 new pieces of verse by myself, Mr Paul Chandler - from the silly to the serious...
Available now... Priced £2.50.
Thanks again to all those who already have copies.
For those of you who have avoided them until now you can also purchase...
JUNK/FOOD... The First Collection. Priced £1.99
ROLLERCOASTER... The Second Collection. Priced £2.50
AND ALSO!!!
WOO-ED AWAKENINGS!
THE BEST OF THE FIRST THREE VOLUMES... Priced £2.50.
AVAILABLE FROM BEECHES PUBLISHING.
Before I go... A sample from the latest collection... :)
THIRD TIME LUCKY.
First times never work out...
She learnt this fact first hand...
Married to a drummer -
From a heavy metal band!
Her first job was a nightmare!
Her first car fell apart!
She ran away to Brighton -
On a junkyard horse and cart!
Her first affair was fated!
Her first bank job a flop!
Saved from jail by offering -
Gold bullion to a cop!
First time on tele-vision -
She forgot quite what to say!
Her first night as a call girl -
With a man who didn't pay!
First attempts to choose a winner -
Grand National pick came last...
So, she had to try a second time...
Range available was vast!
Her second job was scary...
Free-falling from a plane!
Her second car exploded -
Whilst on a trip to Spain!
Her second husband too no better -
He used to dress like her...
And had a crush on Ironside...
(As played by Raymond Burr...)
Affairs - bank jobs and telly...
All met a drastic fate...
Her second National fancy,
Fell at the second gate!
BUT her third attempts were splendid!
Third husband quite adored!
Third job was quite successful!
Fighter pilot! Never bored!
Third car a large Ferrari!
Third National choice - HE WON BY MILES!
Third bank job earnt her millions -
And nights out on the tiles!
Sometimes first tries are fated!
Second times more often suck!
Best persevere a third time!
Fingers crossed for third time luck!
Hello! Just thought I'd up and post a new piece on the site... Have been busy putting together some of the back-catalogue for an exciting new project as well as writing quite a few new pieces. Next time I post I'll give away a little more... But before I do let me just give you a sample of one of my more recent pieces - a good-humoured piece called, simply - DRUNK which was completed on February 22nd... :) More soon! I promise...
Paul x
Hope you enjoy "getting"...
DRUNK.
I'm a little bit drunk -
On the things that we've said…
I'm a little bit drunk…
All inhibitions have fled…
But I don’t think that’s bad…
I don’t think that’s wrong…
We can still have a snog…
Though my breath smells quite strong!
Yes, I’m a little bit dreamy –
A tiny bit swayed –
By your feminine wiles –
How I wished you had stayed!
What a tease! Quite the She-beast…
A real Wild One to tame…
Only I’ve not got your number…
And forgotten your name…
Hey, I'm a little bit merry…
Not quite right on my feet…
Fell down on the floor –
But my life is complete!
Still, this is really no problem…
Not something to mourn…
Though my hair is a mess –
And my new clothes are torn!
Just a little bit sleepy…
Just a weeny bit down…
I’m not sure where I am…
In exactly which town?
But I’m sure it was worth it…
I’m sure was just swell…
Though my vision is blurring…
And, it’s all gone to hell!
I’m a little bit thirsty –
Fancy one for the road?
But I’m barred from the pub!
All my oats have been sowed…
My Credit Card maxed!
All my coffers drunk dry!
Tried shadow boxing –
Gave myself a black eye!!!
Oh, I’m a little bit woozy…
And I might just be sick…
My head is still spinning…
Get out the way quick!!
With my head down the cistern –
That’s my lunch flushed away…
And with it all consciousness!
What a MARVELLOUS day!
Paul x
Hope you enjoy "getting"...
DRUNK.
I'm a little bit drunk -
On the things that we've said…
I'm a little bit drunk…
All inhibitions have fled…
But I don’t think that’s bad…
I don’t think that’s wrong…
We can still have a snog…
Though my breath smells quite strong!
Yes, I’m a little bit dreamy –
A tiny bit swayed –
By your feminine wiles –
How I wished you had stayed!
What a tease! Quite the She-beast…
A real Wild One to tame…
Only I’ve not got your number…
And forgotten your name…
Hey, I'm a little bit merry…
Not quite right on my feet…
Fell down on the floor –
But my life is complete!
Still, this is really no problem…
Not something to mourn…
Though my hair is a mess –
And my new clothes are torn!
Just a little bit sleepy…
Just a weeny bit down…
I’m not sure where I am…
In exactly which town?
But I’m sure it was worth it…
I’m sure was just swell…
Though my vision is blurring…
And, it’s all gone to hell!
I’m a little bit thirsty –
Fancy one for the road?
But I’m barred from the pub!
All my oats have been sowed…
My Credit Card maxed!
All my coffers drunk dry!
Tried shadow boxing –
Gave myself a black eye!!!
Oh, I’m a little bit woozy…
And I might just be sick…
My head is still spinning…
Get out the way quick!!
With my head down the cistern –
That’s my lunch flushed away…
And with it all consciousness!
What a MARVELLOUS day!
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