BEWARE OF THE VAMPIRE COWS!!!

THE "LOST" EPISODE - RELEASED!!

Hello folks,

This week I'm going to be posting links to my new SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode...

This episode isn't a poetry video, at all - it actually contains 4 100-word stories from my THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection from Summer 2011 and was originally filmed as a possible Summer special. However, due to travelling over to the States back in the July/August 2011 and then having so much to edit from that trip I never really got the chance... So here it is now! The episode actually contains a few other bits and pieces that I had lying around and so actually covers footage filmed between April and July 2011 - with a number of special guests and cameramen along the way! There are even two yeti dances, one filmed alone by myself in the village where I grew up, near Salisbury - on the same day that I took the cover photos for my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. The second yeti dance was filmed by my old friend Nick Goodman during a book launch picnic in St James Park in July 2011. I actually had an audience of friend's for that one! A shame I couldn't get them to join in - that is the plan in the future! Anyway, when I recorded these two dances I had no idea where I'd use them, so I'm glad that they've now found a home. My last video of 100-word stories A YETI IN WINTER was my highest rated episode of 2011, so I'm hoping that people will enjoy this one just as much, as it contains some of my own favourites and one, A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING, that I wrote back in 1994 which actually triggered me off to begin writing such stories again when I came across it early last year...

Here's all you need to know about the film and where you can view it...

BEWARE OF THE VAMPIRE COWS!!! is one of two "lost" SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes that were recorded during 2011 and yet escaped being edited... until now! This episode was originally intended as the 2011 Summer Special to be released at the same time as my Summer 2011 collection of short stories and prose, THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE. Rather like my earlier video A YETI IN WINTER, this episode does not contain poems, but 4 100-word stories from the VAMPIRE COWS book: TOM'S SECRET LIFE, THE RESTAURANT CRITIC, LAID and A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING. There are also 2 yeti dances and much of the usual nonsense... oh, and vampire cows! Honestly... They're not ordinary cows, at all! Most of the episode was filmed by Mr Paul Chandler between April and July 2011, but Mr Nick Goodman filmed the final yeti dance during a book launch in July 2011. Special guests include Mr C Williamson, Mr H Fulton and Mr D McCauley. Music by Luca. Please note: No Vampire Cows were harmed in the making of this episode. This film and the stories included within are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.

Youtube link: http://youtu.be/gH_Q7zU3x7w

Vimeo link: https://vimeo.com/44296520

Please note: The Vimeo episode is a 10 minute edit, but contains all the poems and yeti dancing - only loosing some of the scenery and a couple of out-takes.

Before I go I want to share with you a poem that I finished late last week, which I wrote whilst travelling home of the train. It's called NATIONAL TREASURE and I filmed a video for it on Sunday 17th June 2012, which will hopefully appear as part of the provisionally entitled SHY YETI BOTTLES SUMMER episode, which I hope to release in August or early September.

Next week I'll be posting a photo gallery from the two films that I filmed during May and early June - SHY YETI GOES WILD 2 and SHY YETI'S BEST OF BRITAIN which I just finished filming in Salisbury this weekend. I'll also be posting a link to a video from my appearance on RADIO WEY on Saturday 2nd June which I intend to begin work on this week...

That's it for now - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

NATIONAL TREASURE



She’s a national treasure…

She is locked in a box;

Hidden amongst heirlooms –

And grandfather’s socks!

She hasn’t been seen –

Since the Queen’s Jubilee…

Since the turn of the decade…

Yes, since Eighteen-O-three!

Why’d they hide her away;

From our excitable sighs?

From our sticky-toothed kids –

And our sly prying eyes?

She’s a national treasure –

They should put her on show!

In her highest high heels –

With her hair in a bow…


He’s a national treasure…

Stored behind a closed door…

Left up there on the shelf;

Left requiring more!

With a look in his eye –

That shows how much he missed;

All the fame and the grease-paint –

All those fans that he kissed!

Oh, the sound of their screaming –

Used to make him excited!

It used to massage his ego –

But alas, never knighted!

He’s a national treasure…

They should give him some slack!

They should build him a statue –

Or erect a blue plaque…


She’s a national treasure…

She should be celebrated…

She should be so adored!

Not deplored or just hated!

Seems they built her right up –

Just to knock her back down…

Seen out wearing a dunce cap –

When she should wear a crown!

They should give her respect –

‘Cos she’d certainly earn it…

They won’t build her a bridge…

For they fear she might burn it…

She’s a national treasure –

But seems that nobody cares!

They should put her for sale…

Offer Stock Market shares!


He’s a national treasure…

His performances noted!

Yes, with politics flirted –

Shame that nobody voted!

Shame that nobody listened –

Or ever saw his Othello!

No-one watched him in Panto –

Though he did very well…

Oh! Why does the whole world –

Act so fickle, so fleeting?

Love these stars for a bit;

Then send them back for a beating?!

They are national treasures –

But pretty soon they’ll be gone…

And then the gods of nostalgia –

Will have finally won!

The poem NATIONAL TREASURE will appear in my collection NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, due out late this year, early next. My next collection of poems and stories, ARE WE THERE, YETI!? is due out in August 2012 - more details on that nearer the time. This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

HOW THE SHOW WENT - AND A NEW VIDEO...

Hello!

So, this week's post is mainly all about last Friday's Poetry Cafe show - but first I'd like to announce another SHY YETI ON LOCATION video - the second part of the two part German series that I filmed back in April. Here's the information and the links...

A TALE OF 2 CITIES - 1 YETI... PART 2

This is the second part of a 2 part series of SHY YETI ON LOCATION... The second episode of A TALE OF 2 CITIES, 1 YETI is set in Cologne and features a couple of Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti)'s furry poems - RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE and WE DON'T DANCE TO LOVESONGS. Other than the verse there is a yeti dance, a bit of a look around the city and plenty of other daft chitter-chat. Special guest starring Dominic McCauley. Music by Luca. Camera by P.C. and D.M. This film and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

Youtube link: http://youtu.be/RRlRFivJYBI

Vimeo link: https://vimeo.com/43570568

When it came to editing this one I did make a few cuts along the way; there was originally more with the duck, where he was offered a contract by a big Hollywood Producer - but instead chose to come back to the UK with us. There was also a bit more about why he is called what he is called; but really - it was a bit too distracting and would have made the episode even longer!

I currently have about half a dozen episodes in the "can" waiting to be edited - including footage still to post from the ROLLERCOASTER show, footage from the BLOG BONANZA/INTER-WEB show, the two episodes I filmed whilst off last week, the "lost" Hollywood episode and my recent trip to Radio Wey. There's a video of last week's show coming up and there should be links to that after the review of the night. Before I start working on the second SHY YETI GOES WILD episode I am currently focussing on the VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE SPECIAL. This is an episode that I filmed last summer with the possibility that it would end up as a 2011 Summer Special to come out around the time that the VAMPIRE COWS book came out... Anyway, it's 100-word stories rather than poems and I'm working on it now.

I also have some links to three new SOUNDCLOUD posts that have gone up this week...

THERE'S SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE - PG VERSION

The "polite" version of this piece from my "lost" 2009 album, PIETRY IN MOTION... http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/theres-someone-for-everyone-pg

THERE'S SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE - X VERSION

http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/there-is-someone-for-everyone-x

The terribly x-rated version of the same poem. Actually, it's not really x-rated, but I do say arse.

SHY YETI'S THEME (BY LUCA)

http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/shy-yetis-theme

Ah yes... It's the moment you've all been waiting for! At last you can listen to the full version of Luca's Shy Yeti theme!

Anyway... And so to last Friday's BIG BLOG BONANZA INTER-WEB SHOW (it started off, somehow, with two titles - so I've merged them together here!!) I haven't yet watched back every piece of footage from the night, but I am reliably informed by ace camera-man of the night, Dominic McCauley - that he filmed pretty much everything; so hopefully we have versions of all the poems listed below.

FIRST HALF

A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH A YETI (2006)
FROM WHERE I STAND…
THE WORLD’S BEST WORSTEST DANCER
THE WORLD IS FULL OF BULLIES
HERBAL TEABAGS (2002)
REINCARNATION (2002)
THINGS AIN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE – PT 1 (2002)
ANOTHER PATHETIC ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT (2002)
OWN GOAL? (2002)
YOU AND WHOSE ARMY? (2003)
ANIMAL CRUELTY (2003)

JOHN SMALLSHAW read

FLAUNT TRADITION (2004)

CRASHING BORES (2004)
IF I WERE A MOO COW (2004)
I CAN’T BEAR THE END (BIOGRAPHICAL WORK) (2005)
NEVER STEAL ANOTHER MAN’S RHUBARB (2005)
THE ONLY YOU THERE IS (2005)
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES (2006)
A CURE FOR ALL KNOWN ILLS (2006)
ENGLAND 2, COLOMBIA NIL (Kirsty MacColl)
I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS) (2006)
THERE WAS AN OLD LADY OF BUDE…

SECOND HALF

THE YETI OF MUSWELL HILL
A WAKE-UP CALL
SOMETHING’S UP WITH ROCKY LOBSTER
CHILLI PEPPER FINGERS
MY MOMENT IS NOW (2007)
ALL GIVE NO TAKE (2007)
YOU CRAMP MY STYLE (2008)
A VOICE IN HIS HEAD (2008)

JOHN SMALLSHAW read

YOU ARE CAT-NIP TO ME (2008)
MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY (2009)
MY CREATIVE GNU (2009)
I LOVE YOU LESS (2010)
MY LONG LOST FRIEND (2012)
KISS ME QUICK
MICE TAP-DANCING
BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE

IN GREATER DETAIL

FIRST HALF

A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH A YETI (2006)

Beginning at around 7.30 I began the evening with a piece I first posted on this blog back in May 2006 from my POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL collection.

FROM WHERE I STAND…
THE WORLD’S BEST WORSTEST DANCER
THE WORLD IS FULL OF BULLIES

The next 3 poems were all new ones from my forthcoming NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection, which will be out later this year or early next...

HERBAL TEABAGS (2002)
REINCARNATION (2002)
THINGS AIN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE – PT 1 (2002)
ANOTHER PATHETIC ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT (2002)
OWN GOAL? (2002)
YOU AND WHOSE ARMY? (2003)
ANIMAL CRUELTY (2003)

The next batch of poems were debuted during the first couple of years of my blog and come from my THIRD TIME LUCKY, GO 4TH AND DIVIDE and AUTUMNAL E.P. collections. At least one of them, OWN GOAL? I had never read at a show before - and it also turned out to be the only prose piece of the evening. It was only whilst I was actually performing the show that I realised that I do tend to post my rhyming poems on the blog - but having to choose from the 120 or so pieces that I've posted on here in 10 years meant that I was also aiming to read work that I hadn't read live before.

John Smallshaw read at this point for the first of two ten minutes sets that evening.

FLAUNT TRADITION (2004)

CRASHING BORES (2004)
IF I WERE A MOO COW (2004)
I CAN’T BEAR THE END (BIOGRAPHICAL WORK) (2005)
NEVER STEAL ANOTHER MAN’S RHUBARB (2005)
THE ONLY YOU THERE IS (2005)
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES (2006)
A CURE FOR ALL KNOWN ILLS (2006)

The next group of poems come from my books from LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED to RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR... and are also largely ones that I've not read before live...

ENGLAND 2, COLOMBIA NIL (Kirsty MacColl)
I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS) (2006)
THERE WAS AN OLD LADY OF BUDE…

The first half ended with my now traditional spot where I read a song lyric by a singer or group that I admire, as a poem - that and a poem about being on Top Of The Pops, which rather dates it although I suppose it's still on at Christmas. This poem was actually first published on the blog a while after it was written on the day of the last original Top Of The Pops episode in July 2006. The last poem of the first half was a limerick!

SECOND HALF

THE YETI OF MUSWELL HILL
A WAKE-UP CALL
SOMETHING’S UP WITH ROCKY LOBSTER
CHILLI PEPPER FINGERS

The first poem of the second half was a yeti-flavoured piece from DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS?, whilst the next two are both pretty new ones that will eventually appear in my NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection - and the 4th piece was one of the first poems that I ever read at The Poetry Cafe almost four years ago and which is also included in my IF POEMS WERE PIES collection, not to mention 2009's SHY YETI RULES O.K.

MY MOMENT IS NOW (2007)
ALL GIVE NO TAKE (2007)
YOU CRAMP MY STYLE (2008)
A VOICE IN HIS HEAD (2008)

The next four pieces were from 2007 and 2008 around the time of SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION, three of which I recorded videos for on Vimeo back in 2008, but which I've rarely or not ever read live before.

John Smallshaw read at this point for the second of two ten minutes sets that evening...YOU ARE

CAT-NIP TO ME (2008)
MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY (2009)
MY CREATIVE GNU (2009)
I LOVE YOU LESS (2010)
MY LONG LOST FRIEND (2012)

The next five poems were written between 2008 and 2012 and included in the books released during this period. I did have to trim a few of the intended poems in the end and so a poem from the blog in  2011 was missed - although I think it was probably represented amongst some of the newer poems read during the evening.

KISS ME QUICK
MICE TAP-DANCING
BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE

The final three poems were two that I've always liked and which I've recently recorded versions of for SHY YETI ON LOCATIONS episodes this year. The final piece was the newest poem I've written, to date - one that I also performed on Radio Wey the day after it was written, last week.
As mentioned, I cut out three or four poems from the second half, IF POEMS WERE PIES, CUPCAKE, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU, WE'RE AN ITEM NOW and decided that BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE, although new, was strong enough to use as my final poem of the night, rather than my traditional ending of I WILL EAT PIES...

I've been busy editing over the weekend and on Monday and Tuesday I posted up the first video from the evening on Youtube and Vimeo - 4 poems of mine and 4 of John Smallshaw. Here's some more information about it...

This is the first video from my recent Poetry Cafe show, Friday 8th June 2012 and includes 4 poems by myself and 4 poems by the fantastic John Smallshaw, my special guest of the night. My poems include: MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY, FROM WHERE I STAND, MY LONG LOST FRIEND and a very new (and topical!) piece indeed, BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE... John's poems include: BUTTERFLIES, THE SUCCUBUS, INSIDE OF ME and A FLY...  Music is by Luca. This film is Copyright the performers, 2012. There will be another film of the night released soon.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/3RwIHwomio4

Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/43882132

Thanks again to John Smallshaw for performing on the night, to Dominic McCauley for filming, to The Poetry Cafe and, of course, to all who came along and donated to the MS TRUST charity on the night. John and I will be back on Wednesday 5th September 2012. I'm expecting that, thematically, it'll be a show to celebrate my recent SHY YETI GOES WILD compilation - meaning lots of daft animal poems. My new book ARE WE THERE, YETI!? should also be ready at around that time - so there are bound to be some pieces from that, along with one or two new ones.

That's it for now, next week I'll probably share with you some behind the scenes photos from the SHY YETI GOES WILD 2 and SHY YETI'S BEST OF BRITISH episodes that I filmed late May/early June; not to mention posting one of the new poems that I wrote during that week.

There's a lot more to come! See you next week...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

WEY TO GO: SHY YETI GOES WILD ON THE RADIO!!

Hello!

Well, it's been a busy week - so there's a lot to get through. Which means, that I've had to postpone the ratings update once again - and what with the BIG BLOG BONANZA gig on Friday, it may be a week or three before I get around to doing that now... Eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that the next Poetry Cafe show has 2 titles - although I'm not sure which I prefer. The title on the poster is SHY YETI ON THE INTERWEB, but the Facebook advert went up as BIG BLOG BONANZA! Not sure how that happened. Oh well. It did, but it's the same show on the same night, so as long as a few people come along we should be fine! One thing that is definitely going right are those aforementioned Youtube ratings, which are averaging out at around 1000 a month, which is very pleasing... Anyway, I will update that list for you soon and I've also been working on a comprehensive list of all the poems that I've recorded for videos so far. I'll post that here soon too; whether you like it or not! ;)

Before I get on to my latest, rather last minute trip to Radio Wey I'll just give you a quick update on what I was busy filming during the second half of my week off. There will be some photo gallery posts when I get around to editing the actual films, but for now I'm focusing on getting the 2nd TALE OF 2 CITIES, 1 YETI episode completed; but I can assure you that there's a lot more to come, including everything that I read on Radio Wey on Saturday night... More on that in a bit...

So, between Thursday and Saturday Calum and I were up in Norfolk and area for Calum's birthday. Thursday saw a little filming around Colchester, including some shots that I'll be incorporating in the SHY YETI GOES WILD (ON THE RADIO) video. Having stayed over night in Norwich on Thursday, Friday saw us jumping on trains and buses between there and Sheringham - and then out to Holkham. Whilst travelling about I took in, for the first time, quite how many decorations were up for the Queen's Diamond jubilee and so I decided to work on an episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION which is provisionally entitled SHY YETI'S BEST OF BRITISH. With the second of my SHY YETI GOES WILD videos completed mid-week it made sense to choose a new theme and so I've lined up 4 poems that I would say are reflect on a number of quite British institutions. This episode isn't completed yet, but should be by the end of the Jubilee bank holiday - I won't reveal all the titles of the poems just yet - but one of them is an old piece about the problems of travelling by rail; moaning about such things being a very British pastime! In addition to this let's just say that visually there are plenty of flags and bunting, ice cream, cups of tea, fish and chips, cakes and shots of the Norfolk coast around Holkham.

On Saturday I completed another poem whilst walking near Manningtree in the area where Constable grew up and first painted; in fact we visited exactly where he painted The Hay Wain. It was in this area that I read the poem KISS ME QUICK - a piece that would have worked best by the coast; but with the weather being what it was all you'd have heard was wind, so I decided it was best to read it in-land! Still, there are plenty of seaside shots to balance it out...

I also managed to finish a number of poems and stories during this part of the week off - on Thursday a daft piece called THE WALKING SEQUIN about a girl who dresses so brightly that she dazzles everyone. On Friday I wrote a poem about the British weather called BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE, which even made its debut on Radio Wey less than 24 hours after being completed. I've also been working on a title piece for my NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection and am 3 out of 4 verses complete on that - not to mention having written some ideas for another poem called THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY GARDEN POND. Finally on Saturday, on the train home between Waterloo and Walton On Thames I wrote a short story called VISION about a man whose fiancee is a contemporary artist. I'll probably post the BRITISH SUMMERTIME poem here on the blog in the next few weeks, but it'll also be in the Radio Wey video once that's done.

So, anyway - my visit to Radio Wey on Saturday 2nd June was a little last minute, but I'd put together my SHY YETI GOES WILD collection especially for my next visit; so I was prepared! In the end not all of the 11 poems that I read on the night were from that collection and one of them was brand new. Some of them you'll have seen in recent SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes and a couple were older pieces, but the titles were as follows:

BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR
RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE
THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE - PART 1
WHY DON'T DRAGONS CLEAN THEIR TEETH?
READY - TEDDY - GO...
RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR
A LITTLE MOUSE
BRITISH SUMMERTIME IS HERE
DO SHEEP MIGRATE?
A FLEA TEA PARTY

I also got to play a few favourite and obscure tunes, that either went with the poems or fitted in with certain other themes of the programme and these were...

BOYS KEEP SWINGING (DAVID BOWIE)
LIVIN' THING (E.L.O.)
WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN (THE BANGLES)
KING KONG SONG (ABBA)
INVINCIBLE (PAT BENATAR)
ISLAND OF LOST SOULS (BLONDIE)

They'll be a few more photos nearer the time that the video is edited - which reminds me; here is a rough list of forthcoming SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes, roughly in the order that they're being edited.

A TALE OF 2 CITIES, 1 YETI - PART 2
SHY YETI BLOG BONANZA - LIVE SHOWS
SHY YETI GOES WILD 2
SHY YETI GOES WILD (ON THE RADIO)
SHY YETI'S BEST OF BRITISH
VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE SPECIAL
SHY YETI'S LOST HOLLYWOOD VIDEO
ANOTHER ROCK 'N' ROLLERCOASTER RIDE

I think that's all that is in the can or almost in the can, for now... As of Bank Holiday Monday, 4th June I have been filming out on Wimbledon Common, which leaves just one final poem for the BEST OF BRITISH episode. Following the completion of this and the live show on Friday, my next big filming session will be in August, when I'm off work for 3 weeks and hope to be filming in both The Lake District and Broadstairs (once again); along with a couple of other locations.

I'm hoping to have another video out late this week/early next - but more on that next week when I'll alsol be reviewing our BIG BLOG BONANZA show (a.k.a. SHY YETI ON THE INTERWEB) - which features not just me and John Smallshaw but another special guest! I can't believe it's all come around so quickly!

Anyway, more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

7000 HITS AND COUNTING, PLUS A NEW COMPILATION!

Hello!

Yes, it's true - we really have passed our 7000th hit on the MRSHYYETI youtube profile - in fact at time of posting we have 7158 - and that's before we even consider all the views we have on Vimeo! Well, you know how much I like my numbers when it comes to hits and top 40s and whatnot - so I couldn't help but share this exciting news with you. Exciting to me alone, mostly - I accept that!

This week I've been off work and out and about filming...

What have I done, so far? Well - I've ben working on a sequel to SHY YETI GOES WILD, called - surprisingly enough - SHY YETI GOES WILD 2. This episode sees the return of Calum as my side-kick, as Calum is also off work. On Monday we walked between Denham and Uxbridge along the canal and I managed to record all but one verse of an old piece of mine called COLIN THE CUSTARD EATING SPIDER. It was a pretty hot day, but I also managed to get lots of footage of baby geese and ducks. Calum also makes a number of appearances too, although he does not count as a baby animal!

On Tuesday Calum and I headed for Epping Forest - the weather was good again and I was able to complete COLIN... and record all of THE STAND-UP CHAMELEON, not to mention half a yeti dance and some squirrels!

On Wednesday we were out in the Bexley/Sidcup area - and I got to film quite a bit in some rather tranquil fields, meadows and woods to complete the new episode. There were no complete poems recorded, just the glue that puts the episodes together - ie: the silly stuff! I did manage to come up with two ad-libbed animal limericks, however AND I completed the the yeti dance that I began on Tuesday up in Epping Forest!

The rest of the week we're off on location in the general direction of Norwich. The weather is meant to be reasonably good, so we'll see what occurs... Of course, it's also The Queen's Diamond Jubilee this weekend, which means there is a long bank holiday - so I'm hoping to escape all that and go filming somewhere.That's if I can find somewhere quiet. I have been toying with the idea of going back to the woods near Woking or to Bushy Park again - but we shall see. More on all that next week, I expect.

I've also been working on editing my next episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION, which is part 2 of A TALE OF 2 CITIES, 1 YETI - the episode that we filmed in Cologne back in mid-April. I'm nearing the end of the first edit - and will hopefully get it completed over the bank holiday. Once I've finished that I'll be working on a third and final ROLLERCOASTER show video and probably another live video for the 10th anniversary blog show - in fact Dominic and I filmed some links for this back in Golden Square, Soho this Sunday just gone. After these episodes I'm going to be working on my delayed VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE special, which I filmed last Summer - and then it'll be time to work on SHY YETI GOES WILD 2! It's all go, isn't it!?

I'm also releasing, in advance of my next Poetry Cafe show on Friday 8th June 2012, a new compilation which I think I've mentioned before on here. It's the companion piece to my 2009 compilation SHY YETI RULES O.K. and surprisingly enough is entitled SHY YETI STILL RULES O.K.

SHY YETI STILL RULES O.K. is a collection of over 70 of Mr Yeti's favourite pieces from all the books that he has released since late 2009. These include: ASK NICELY, CACTUS HEART, CUPCAKE, A FLEA TEA PARTY, I LOVE YOU LESS, LEGGY BLONDE, MY CREATIVE GNU, A PERFECT MATCH, WAITING FOR GHOSTS, UNCLE BEAR and many more. These are stories and poems that he has read at gigs and open-mike events over the last few years which seem to get the furriest, most enthusiastic growls from a crowd! The poems and prose inside SHY YETI STILL RULES OK were previously published in the following collections; THE SHY LIFE (2009), DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? (2010), YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS, THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE, FUNERAL FOR A SHOE (ALL 2011) and a preview of a couple of pieces from ARE WE THERE, YETI? (due Summer 2012). All my books remain available from www.lulu.com, with a number of recent 10th anniversary reissues of my first two collections, JUNK/FOOD and ROLLERCOASTER.

You can access the paperback edition at: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/shy-yeti-still-rules-ok/12533103

It's 144 pages in length and is currently available with a 20% discount at £7.99, for a limited period. There will also be a hardback edition available in the next couple of weeks...

Here is the full line-up of what's included in this compilation...

ALTERNATIVE ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLE

ASK NICELY

BAD STUFF I WISH WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU

THE BARD OF BELGRAVIA

BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE

CACTUS HEART

THE CAFFEINE QUEEN

CATFOOD IN YOUR EYEBROWS

COLIN THE CUSTARD EATING SPIDER

COMING INTO LAND

THE CROCODILE

CUPCAKE

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DIVA

D.J. DARLING

THE DAY THE PRIME MINISTER CAME TO TEA

DEATH OF A GIRL BAND

A DEVIL WITHOUT HORNS

A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING

DON’T SNOG BEES

A FLEA TEA PARTY

FREE COFFEE

GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED

GLUE TO MEND A BROKEN HEART!

GRANDPA’S WIG

HARRASSING THE SUN

“I’M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS…”

I’M FAR TOO IMPORTANT TO KNOW YOU

I LOVE YOU LESS

IF SHAKESPEARE WERE AROUND TODAY

IF YOU WERE MY WIFE

INVITE A YETI ROUND FOR TEA

IS IT CHRISTMAS ALREADY?

JOHN, I’M ONLY RHYMING...

JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU

KISS ME QUICK

LADY GRRR-GRRR

LAID

LEGGY BLONDE

A LITTLE MOUSE

LOVE-GO-ROUND

MAKING TOAST FOR THE ENEMY

THE MEN IN WHITE COATS ARE MY FRIENDS

A MONKEY’S UNCLE

A MOST BORING MAN

“MOTHER, MEET PARIS…”

MY BEAUTY IS NATURAL

MY CREATIVE GNU

MY LONG LOST FRIEND

NEVER MIND THE MINOTAUR

NOT SEEING ANYBODY ELSE

PEACE OF MIND IN A TEABAG

A PERFECT MATCH

RATTLESNAKES!!!

RESPECTABLE TEXTS

A ROARING SUCCESS

A SOUVENIR OF THE TRIP

STREETLIGHT GLAMOUR

SUMMER SKIES

A SWEET TAIL

THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS

THEY DON’T RHYME THEIR POEMS IN L.A.

UNCLE BEAR

THE UNAFFORDABLE FJORD

THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE

WAITING FOR GHOSTS

WE AIN’T GOT TIME…

WE’RE AN ITEM NOW

WE’RE GOING TO CLONE YOU

YOU COULD BE MY PIN-UP

YOU, ME AND THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS

YOUR OWN SWEET OXYMORON

YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING

I'll post a piece from this collection in a week or two - probably around the time that the hardback edition is ready. Next week I'm aiming to post up those ratings that I promised last week, not to mention there will be new videos and things to write about The Poetry Cafe show.

So, busy - busy - busy... More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul x

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2012

MORE LIVE YETI AND STUFF ABOUT THE NEW BOOK...

Hello again!

This week I'm here to unveil another live video from my ROCK 'N' ROLLERCOASTER SHOW and to share with you a piece from my forthcoming collection, ARE WE THERE, YETI!? It's looking to be my longest collection yet - but then it is chock-a-block with 100 short stories and poems; in fact there are probably more stories, which is why it's ended up so long. The publication date is still provisional at this stage, but I'd like it to be out by July/August - a year almost exactly since I began writing it. I'm aiming to read pieces from it at my Poetry Cafe show in early September - so that's roughly the time-scale I'm aiming for. At the moment all I've left to do is to proofread it through, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, more about that later and for now we'll move onto the next video...

Shy Yeti presents... The second of three visits to The Poetry Cafe, Covent Garden for his ROCK 'N' ROLLERCOASTER SHOW, as performed there on Saturday 5th May 2012. This was a night to celebrate the 10th anniversary of Shy Yeti (otherwise known as Paul Chandler)'s 2nd collection, ROLLERCOASTER and also to raise money for charity - on this occasion MS TRUST. Poems include KEEP ON GETTING IT WRONG, EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS EASY RIDER, WHY AGNES YOU'RE LOVELY and I AM A JELLY FISH. His special guest on the night was the fantastic John Smallshaw - and two of his poems appear in this film: LATE NIGHT CALLER and A FISH CALLED PYTHAGORAS. There will more footage of the night released over the next few weeks and this film even includes a specially recorded yeti dance! Cameraman for the evening was Dominic McCauley and he also appears during the links. Mr Yeti recorded a few bits too and edited it all together. Music is by Luca. This film and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler/John Smallshaw, 2012.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/Os6Sqv5_s50

Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/42603730

The linking pieces in this video were actually filmed back in late February when I thought I was going to be doing the ROLLERCOASTER show back in March - and the links were filmed quite near to my home in Weybridge. Luckily there was only one small comment about the original date of the show, so I was able to use everything else. As I've mentioned before I'll now be moving onto the second and final part of my German trip, before editing a third and final live video from ROLLERCOASTER... Any footage left over will pop up in any videos that I film over the next few months.
Next week I'll hopefully be posting another video and taking a look at how the online videos are looking - we're getting up towards 7000 hits on Youtube, so I'm kind of hoping that we may have reached 10,000 by Christmas. We're also drawing closer to my next Poetry Cafe show, so they'll be more live footage. I'm lining up a completely different set - selected from poems that were first posted here on this very blog to celebrate the 10th anniversary.

To finish with I'm posting something from the next book - it's another rather gory short story called CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS... Enjoy!!

That's it for now - more next week,

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS


Zak regarded the contents of the skip with a frown; he was the caretaker of a big block of expensive flats at The Barbican, London and it was part of his job to keep an eye on what was going on with the salvage for the building.

Sometimes he’d uncover some quite choice pickings amongst the waste – the people who lived in the block were rich and often disposed of perfectly edible food on the day it was “technically” meant to expire. It wasn’t unheard of for Zak to end up dining on caviar or the remains of a joint of beef, if he kept his eyes open.

He was used to seeing all manner of things; false teeth, hearing aids, oddly shaped vegetables; not to mention embarrassing school photos and private letters.

…And then, sometimes, there was worse – much, much worse…

As on this particular day…

Generally Zak tried not to mind as long as protocol was observed; but today someone was really taking the biscuit…

Zak stared disapprovingly into the black sack that slumped before him. It was full of miscellaneous body parts; legs – severed arms – a couple of heads and all sorts of other discarded organs. It was Mr Sylvester again, their resident serial killer.

“This shouldn’t have happened…” Zak grumbled, not relishing having to go speak to the man again; for Mr Sylvester was an Arsenal supporter and Zak followed Spurs. “That man never listens. He’s had enough warnings! This is his last chance!” he muttered furiously. “Why doesn’t he listen? Really, it’s not difficult… Body parts don’t go in the skip! Body parts go with food scraps in recycling…”


CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS is from the Paul Chandler's next book, ARE WE THERE, YETI? which is due out in the Summer from www.lulu.com. All content of this post is Copyright, Paul Chandler 2012

YETI FILMS FROM GERMANY AND A NEW POEM...

Hello, good afternoon and welcome!

Yes - back again, as promised, with the links for the first of the two episodes of SHY YETI ON LOCATION that I filmed during my recent trip to Germany. I'll hand you over to the blurb...

This is the first of a 2 part series of SHY YETI ON LOCATION... The first episode of A TALE OF 2 CITIES, 1 YETI is set in Dusseldorf and features a couple of Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti)'s furry poems - A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH A YETI and DRUNK ELK. Other than the verse there is a yeti dance, a bit of a look around the city and plenty of other daft chitter-chat. Special guest starring Dominic McCauley. Music by Luca. Camera by P.C. and D.M. This film and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2012.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/EE016vCgHVQ

Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/42186570

That's about it for now, next week I'll be sharing something new from my forthcoming release ARE WE THERE, YETI?. which is due out in the Summer... I'm also gearing up for filming another couple of episodes in the next month or so, as I have a week off in late May. My thoughts are that I am going to record a second episode of SHY YETI GOES WILD, as I have plenty of poems of an animal theme from the new compilation that I could use - also it looks likely that I'll be going back on Radio Wey around that time too. Filming for SHY YETI GOES WILD 2 began in Weybridge last Saturday (12th May), with help from Dominic who was the main camera man and also appeared in one of the sketches. The poem that I read was a piece called A WASP IN A WIG from a couple of years back. Despite being interrupted by cyclists I was still able to fit in a yeti dance, in fact I actually got quite acrobatic whilst doing so! You'll have to wait and see...  I had intended to film another piece the following day during a walk in the Saffron Walden area, however it was a bit breezy and I also forgot to re-charge my camera battery. This means that I'll probably finished this second episode during various walks this month - which means that I may film another separate episode at the start of June when I expect to be in the Norwich area - but a lot depends on the weather, of course... And me charging the battery!!

Before I go I did promise to post that new poem, EVIL IVY, written a couple of weeks ago and which I performed at The Poetry Cafe during my ROCK 'N' ROLLERCOASTER SHOW. Oh, and whilst I'm thinking about it I should probably add that there'll probably be another live video in time for next week's post too!

Anyway - enjoy the Dusseldorf video, more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

EVIL IVY

Evil Ivy…

What a shock!
Not someone –
You'd want to mock!
Not someone –
You'd want to pester…
You'd see her temper –
Quickly fester…
She's got great insight –
Got your measure!
In your downfall –
Takes great pleasure…
Evil Ivy…
Quite extreme…
She'll make you shriek!
She'll make you scream!


Evil Ivy…
What a scare!
With her pipe –
And birds-nest hair!
In her notepad –
Quickly jotting…
Makes you wonder –
What she's plotting!
Makes you worry –
Who she's after…
Hear her cackling –
With laughter!
Evil Ivy…
Looking vexed!
I think she wants you…
I think you're next!


Evil Ivy…
What a fright!
With her teeth –
As black as night!
With her eyes –
Intense and cunning…
A frown from her –
Will have you running!
She's got an eye –
On all that you do…
Her hobbies include –
Cats and voodoo!
Evil Ivy…
Not for hire!
She's stoking up –
Your funeral pyre!


Evil Ivy…
What a blast!
I wonder if your –
Nerve will last!
Are you really –
Gonna risk it?
Take the chance –
But not the biscuit…
I wonder who will –
Be the winner…
Oh man, she'll have –
You for her dinner!
Evil Ivy…
Likes to rave!
Horizontal baby...
...In your grave!

This Post and the poem EVIL IVY is Copyright Paul Chandler 2012.