TWO AND A HALF YEARS IN THE MAKING...

YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS IS FINALLY RELEASED!

Hello beasties,

I'm excited to announce that my new book is finally out! Those of you who follow my blog will know that it's been ready since the autumn, but I wanted to wait until I'd visited Venice again to add a few extra photos and blog-posts to the finished book. Having done that it was much too close to Christmas to release the book - and so I've held it back to now - tweaking it occasionally... And the book! Ahem...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 55: EIGHTIES NIGHT...

Here we are for episode FIFTY FIVE - and we're pleased to be able to welcome back Erik from The Hysteria Continues Podcast as we turn our attentions to 1980s music and fashions. There are poems too and plenty of interaction with our regulars. Our next episode, number 56 should be a recording of our 5th live Pride48 show - as broadcast between around 9 and 10pm GMT on Sunday 19th February 2017. Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 55 was recorded between the 25th and 27th January 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

55: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-55-eighties-night 

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 56: OUR 5TH LIVE PRIDE48 SHOW...

Here we are for episode FIFTY SIX - this is a recording of our 5th Live Pride48 Show which was broadcast on Sunday 19th February 2017! As well as interaction with the chat-room there are messages with the regulars - poems recorded from a recent visit to Radio Wey and this version of the show also contains extra content. Our next episode, number 57 - sees us heading out as Dameus receives an award for one of his old films! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Thanks to Tim M for inviting me back on his show. This episode and all other contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 56 was recorded between the 11th and the 19th February 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

56: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-56-our-5th-live-pride48-show

There are plenty of new episodes in the pipe-line, I'm currently working on episode 57 which concerns Dameus Twinklehorn unveiling a plaque in Brompton Cemetery to commemorate a film that he once appeared in. I've also sent two mini-scripts to two podcasters who will be making cameos in future episodes and am scheduled to record with both Nick Goodman and Toppie Smellie again this weekend. All that and I invented two new characters this week and have recorded little sketches with them!

Anyway... returning to our big topic of the week - YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

Here is the back-cover blurb on the new book...

We join Horner, Warren, Katrina and Colin as they head to Italy on an all-expenses-paid trip to Venice! But there is trouble in store – murder, in fact! What can be done? Who is to blame? Who will be “got at” next? The Beast Crew try to help whilst trying to avoid getting “bumped off” themselves!

Paperback Edition: £8.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/paperback/product-23078113.html

Hardback Edition: £13.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/hardcover/product-23078067.html

HORNER: (calling out, slightly nervously)

HELLO?! It’s me… Horner… Somebody’s locked me in… Hello? Will someone please free me? It’s really stuffy in here! HELLO!?! THIS IS NOT FUNNY, YOU KNOW! THERE’S A KILLER OUT THERE AND I’M TRYING TO FIND HIM!

At the end of this post you will find the first two scenes of the new script - I hope you enjoy them!

Moving on... Here are some more photos of Venice (and surrounding areas) - which is where the new script is set. These photos were taken there during my birthday holiday back in November 2016 - but I had not yet posted them here on the blog (or anywhere for that matter!!)

That's about it for this time - we may have some more to tell you about this new book - and probably some more photos - over the next few weeks, but we shall see...

Next time there will be more podcast news and maybe a new yeti script - or two!

Up next! The first two scenes from YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

Take care - more soon

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

ACT 1: Lucy’s Mother’s flat, not far from Brompton Cemetery…

Lucy is back in town. Until recently she was working with Warren and Katrina in London – but has recently moved away with her mother and boy-friend, Jack; their adventures can be read about in the series, KENSINGTON GORE. Lucy is there to clear her mother’s flat and her visit corresponds with a visit from their old friend, Horner. Horner has been helping run a rather odd library in Spectrum City, the events of which can be read about in the series, HOT STUFF!! It is the first time that the four of them have met in some time and they are reflecting over the past. Most of the stories are new to Lucy – not to mention you the readers – and they involve her former-boyfriend, Colin – who was sadly killed some time ago.

LUCY: (fascinated)

I can’t believe I missed all these adventures! You guys really were crazy… It’s all because you’re here, Horner – these two will never talk about the old days…

WARREN: (concerned)

We’re just worried that it might upset you, Luce… We don’t want to make you sad!

LUCY: (reassuringly)

You wouldn’t! I love hearing about what Col got up to… I want to hear everything!

KATRINA: (sympathetically)

I don’t see why not as long as she’s sure… Look at her little face! So eager!

WARREN: (relenting, with good humour)

Fair enough! Come on Horner… What adventures haven’t we shared with her yet?

LUCY: (enthusiastically)

Yes… Your memory is good! You’re the writer… Tell me a story… A good one!

WARREN: (with pretend concern, laughing)

Think of something, Horner! Quick… Otherwise she’s likely to explode…

KATRINA: (grinning, playing along)

That I’d pay to see! Actually, no! Scrub that! It would be a waste of a good Lucy and that’s something I simply can’t condone… (Lucy raises her glass to Katy)

HORNER: (chuckling)

Okay! Okay! It’d be my pleasure – I’m just glad I can be of help, Lucy… It really is very lovely to see you all again… I wish we weren’t all so busy these days… Okay! Enough chatter! I’ve a good story! What about the time we went to Venice?

WARREN: (reflecting, not altogether happily)

Oh! Yes! Now that was quite an experience… I know… I still have the scars…

KATRINA: (cheekily interjecting)

He has too – he’ll show them to you if you ask nicely…

WARREN: (playfully)

I actually charge these days – but maybe as its Lucy I’ll make an exception…

LUCY: (slightly embarrassed)

So kind! So what happened? Go on… Tell me…

HORNER: (muttering under breath to start and then aloud)

Okay… Okay! Let me think… Where to start?! Hmm… Okay… This was a few years ago now – it was just after Clive and Cromitty had moved out and just before I started dating Suzette… I managed to blag some free tickets to a gallery opening in Venice – long story, I’ll come back to it… But first I should set the scene – starting the night before we arrived – which was the night of the first murder…

EVERYTHING GOES A LITTLE MISTY AND THE STORY BEGINS…

ACT 2: The Back-streets of Venice, just off The Grand Canal…

WE SEE A FLAMBOYANT YETI PULLING A LARGE SUITCASE ON WHEELS ALONG AFTER HIM. HE HAS A TOURIST GUIDE AND IS LOOKING FOR HIS HOTEL, SO FAR WITHOUT MUCH SUCCESS… HIS NAME IS SO-CII… SO-CII YETI… “SOCIETY”, GET IT!? OH, I GIVE UP! ANYWAY… HE IS LOST AND IS TURNING TO PASSERSBY TO ASK FOR ADVICE, AGAIN UNSUCCESSFULLY.

SO-CII: (attempting to hide that he is both nervous and confused)

Hello? Can anybody help me?! It does appear that I’m lost…

NOBODY HELPS, SO HE STOPS AT A BOOTH SELLING ICECREAM AND BUYS AN ENORMOUS CONE CONTAINING THREE FLAVOURS OF GELATO. HAVING DONE SO HE CONTINUES – GETTING FURTHER FROM THE CROWDS – HIS ICE CREAM IS DRIPPING FASTER THAN HE CAN EAT IT – JUST THEN A FIGURE FLITS AHEAD OF HIM AND SO-CII CALLS OUT…

(Sounding desperate) Hello? Hello! I wonder if you could help me… HELLO!?!

SO-CII SHAMBLES DOWN A SERIES OF LABYRINTHINE ALLEYWAYS IN THE HOPE OF CATCHING UP WITH THE PERSON. EVENTUALLY, HE STOPS. THERE IS A PIECE OF PAPER LYING ON THE COBBLES AHEAD OF HIM. IT APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE TOKEN…

(Mutters to self) Oooh! Now you don’t see many of those these days… I wonder if it’s only valid in Venice or might I take it home and spend it back in London!?

SLOWLY, AS HE READS THE TOKEN, HE TURNS AROUND – A FIGURE IS STANDING THERE BEFORE HIM – A QUITE ODDLY DRESSED FELLOW…

Oh! Hello, sir… Was it you that I saw before? Did you drop this? I wonder if you could help me with directions… I say, are you going to a fancy dress party?

THE FIGURE’S FACE IS OBSCURED BY THE BRIM OF A LARGE PINK FELT HAT WITH “KISS ME QUICK!” PRINTED ON IT IN BOLD BLACK TYPE…

You do look fancy, I must say! Are you still dressed up from Christmas or are you a couple of days early for New Year? You must give me the address of your tailor!

THE STRANGER SAYS NOTHING BUT SUDDENLY STAGGERS FORWARD AS IF HURT… SO-CII SETS ASIDE HIS CASE AND STEPS FORWARD TO HELP…

Hey… Be careful, dear… You’ve over-done it, haven’t you? Take it easy… OH!

SO-CII TRIES TO STEADY THE FIGURE BUT SUDDENLY FEELS SOMETHING SHARP PIERCING DEEP INTO HIS CHEST… THE ATTACKER STABS HIM REPEATEDLY AND SO-CII FALLS BACKWARDS, COLLAPSING UPON THE PAVEMENT… THE KILLER WATCHES UNTIL SO-CII FALLS SILENT, THEN TAKES A BLOODY EIDERDOWN FROM A SHOPPING BAG. THE FIGURE LIFTS THE YETI SLIGHTLY AND PLACES THE EIDERDOWN UNDER HIS HEAD. BEFORE DEPARTING THE KILLER TAKES SOMETHING ELSE FROM THE BAG, PLACING A LUKE-WARM CALZONE UPON THE GORE-COATED CORPSE… AND WITH THAT THE GHOUL STRIDES OFF INTO THE NIGHT…

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN...

WE'RE LIVE AGAIN ON PRIDE48 THIS SUNDAY!!

Hello beasties!

Just a quick post this week - with a reminder about my next live show and also some links to our new podcasts...

So let's get started...

The next live show is on Pride48 on Sunday 19th February at 4pm (EDT) and 9pm (GMT). 

I'm a little bit snuffly at the moment and I seem to have given my cold to all our show regulars when we met for a podcasting meeting the other week, but I'm hoping I'll be in full voice by Sunday. Unfortunately the regulars all sound very blocked up in the messages that they have sent me to play on the show! Sorry everyone! Still, some of the gang have promised to log into the chat-room on the night - so do come and join us. We're going to be discussing my recent visit to Radio Wey and hopefully - depending on who is in the chat-room - we may chat about other people's experiences of theatrics, school plays and the like...

Next up here are the details on the new podcast episode...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 53: THE FAMILY THAT PODCASTS TOGETHER...

Here we are for episode FIFTY THREE - where we reacquaint ourselves with Mr Yeti's family - his mum, dad, brother and crazy niece! All that and some of the regulars pitch in to comment. Our next episode, number 54 will be out soon!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 53 was recorded between the 29th December 2016 and the 9th February 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

53: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-53-the-family-who-podcasts-together

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 54: TITTLE TATTLE...

Here we are for episode FIFTY FOUR - where this time we really get gossipy! I'd tell you who our special guests are - but that would gossip itself and I think this episode works best if it's a bit of a surprise. All I will say is that all the regulars are in place and a number of rumours are explored; including one about Poodle McNoodle from the Big Fatty Online show. Our next episode, number 55 - sees us heading back to the 1980s - the episode after that will be our 5th live show, broadcast live on Pride48 on Sunday 19th February 2017 (4pm EDT / 9pm GMT)!! Be there or be triangular!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. Big Fatty Online clips copyright, Big Fatty 2017. This episode and all other contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 54 was recorded between the 4th and the 12th February 2017, with additional older clips from Big Fatty Online.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

54: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-54-tittle-tattle

Since I last posted here, I made another visit to Radio Wey with my friend Tim Mitchell and his old school friend, Nathan Jones - on Saturday 11th February 2017, this was exactly five years to the day since my visit there back in February 2012. I read a number of valentines-ish poems which I recorded and am aiming to play on my live show next week, 9pm GMT on Sunday 19th February. I'll play a couple of them live during the broadcast and keep some of the chat and the remaining poems as extra material for when the show is released as a podcast.

The poems I read on the night were:

BEING COY
THE UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE
HOPELESS ROMANTIC
THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY
THE TRUE LIGHT

Looking back, the first three of those I also read when I was on that Valentine's Day show five years ago - this was also around the time that I had put together my compilation, CACTUS HEART which collected up all my more romantically-themed poems.

Thanks again to Tim for inviting me back on to the show! If all goes well then we're aiming to record together again in late April.

Next time there will be more talk of podcasts and either a Shy Yeti script or more details on my new book, which I expect to release before the end of the month...

More soon - yeti hugs,

Paul xx

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

A NEW PROSE PIECE: CHANNELLING MY MUSE...

THIS WEEK IN THE WORLD OF YETI...

Hello beasties!

This week I'll be telling you about our latest podcast episodes - as well as sharing with you a short prose piece on the theme of inspiration... First up here is all you need to know about episode 51 and 52 of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST... The first concerns friend of the show, Brenda Boo from the LOTSL podcast and the second is our Valentine's episode for 2017. Here is a bit more about them both...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 51: PEEK-A-BOO...

Here we are for episode FIFTY ONE - where we are pleased and privileged to welcome Brenda Boo back to the show for a proper chitter-chat. There are also some poems - some wintery walks and we also catchup with some of our regulars. Our next episode, number 52 - will be our special Valentine's Day show. Don't worry, we're taking the cynical approach - we won't be presenting anything too sickly! Anyway, it'll be out by the 14th, if not slightly before!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. Thank you to Brenda Boo for agreeing to be out guest this episode. *Additional thanks to Tim and James from Tastes Like Burning for allowing me to use clips from their show. This episode and all contents, except for *, are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 51 was recorded between 19th November 2016 and the 20th January 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

51: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-51-peek-a-boo

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 52: CUPID STUNTS AND OTHER HEARTACHES... (2017 VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL)

Here we are for episode FIFTY TWO and Shy Yeti is sharing some thoughts for Valentine's Day - but they're not necessarily warm and fuzzy thoughts! Oh no... You forget - this is THE SHY LIFE PODCAST and we're more about pulling fun at days like these... This episode Paul catches up with Wifey Jo to discuss some of their loves - there are lots of cheery poems for singletons and Nick G selects some of his favourite romantic records from The Vinyl Vault. All this and our regulars return to share some of their Valentine's musings! Our next episode, number 53, sees the return of a Young American - although she was born in Britain, so... anyway!  Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 52 was recorded between 19th December 2016 and 14th January 2017. Additional thanks to Toppie Smellie for the show-art!!

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

52: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-52-cupid-stunts-and-other-heartaches-2017-valentines-day-special



Moving on...

Our prose piece this time was written between the 7th and the 10th February 2017, although the idea first came to me on 27th January 2017. It wasn't an easy piece to complete and originally I was going to have written about more professions - but in the end condensed it into two jobs that do have associations with reading a (sacred) text - be it an A to Z for a taxi driver or a classification guide for a librarian. It was me joking about having to "consult the holy book" to catalogue some new stock that partly triggered me to consider writing the piece.

Not only this, but further inspiration came to me after I heard people I know talking about their jobs - speaking like their work was up there in importance alongside hospital employees; when they are really no more than a middle manager with an inflated opinion of their own importance. This was also around the time that tube drivers and train companies seemed to be striking every other minute - causing most sane people to comment that in this day and age they were lucky to even have jobs and were well-paid by most people's standards; getting far more than nurses do, for instance.

I wasn't so worried about sparing the blushes of such people - but did want to be careful with the tone and choose the professions carefully for parodying... As mentioned, I had already had a silly conversation with colleagues about taking my own job seriously. On the other hand the amount of people who presume that pretty much anyone can run a library is more than a little ignorant in itself, considering that I had to study for three years at University to do the job I do today. In a way this illustrates that the whole subject of taking jobs seriously versus over-seriously can bring up a number of issues... Still, I always enjoy writing library-related pieces. Of course everyone is different - one person might struggle doing a job that another may sail through...

Anyway... Never mind that... It still works as a reality check to remind us not to take ourselves too seriously or to inflate our own importance when what we do might be valuable, but not up there as an emergency service. Our work may well be important - but is it THAT important? It's all relative. 

Next time we'll either be sharing with you another Shy Yeti sketch or possibly we'll be discussing the new BEAST OF FRIENDS special script-book... There's lots going on!

That's all for now - but enjoy the prose piece at the end!

Take care - more soon,

Yeti hugs,

Paul (aka Shy Yeti) xx

CHANNELLING MY MUSE...


I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a bore -
But I simply must channel my muse...
Being a taxi-driver isn't as easy as you'd think...
Driving the taxi is only the start of it...
You need "The Knowledge" -
Allow me to study the sacred texts -
Ye Olde London A-Z...
Follow me... Follow me...
And I shall show you the way...
As long as their aren't road-works...
Give me some space now -
I need to be able to breathe...
One must concentrate...
The road ahead is a difficult one...
I am part of an elite band of brothers and sisters -
Who weave their magic and uphold the safety of the streets...
Things like this need preparation - one must get oneself into the zone...
Just avoid the double yellow lines...

Writers, musicians, actors, singers, space men...
They all get to pray to their gods...
They all get to channel their muse...
Well, they're not the only ones...
Baby-sitters of the world unite...
Park Keepers - rise up and be heard!
Stamp collectors - song-birds - social-workers...
Each deserve a chance to commune with a higher inspiration...

Post men - pole-dancers - pet shop owners....

Apologies for interrupting -
But I really need to channel my muse...
You don't just become a librarian by accident...
Personally, I heard voices from a very early age...
Mother said that was because I used to fall asleep with my ear-phones on...
But I really don't think it was that simple; this was a calling...
The pursuit of knowledge - that endless search for information...
That dedication doesn't come to just anybody...
We are the chosen ones - the chosen few...
Quiet now, whilst I study the sacred text...
Universal Decimal Classification Scheme, Volume 1...
Volume 2 is less of a page turner - it's just the alphabetical index...
Cataloguing and classifying new books is not a simple task...
Let me cast the runes and seek the answer...
Should this book be filed under 355.01 or 355,48?
We do not always receive the answer that we might like to hear...
The right solution does not always come easily...

Silence please... There are great minds at work here -
From librarians to lollypop ladies...
Not to mention all the other everyday heroes out there...
No, don't you ever under-estimate them - 
Or you do so at your peril!

(Which may even mean library fines... We're talking pounds here - not pennies!)


This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD OF YETI THIS WEEK?

A STORY ABOUT GHOSTS IN DOMESTIC SERVICE...

Hello beasties!

This week we'll be briefly covering our latest SHY LIFE PODCAST episode and then we have a new flash prose piece which was partly inspired by a chat that I had whilst recording an edition of the show... More of that at the end! We also have links to some recent postings of original 1995 episodes of SUTTON PARK on Youtube...

But first up - our 50TH SHY LIFE PODCAST episode!!

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 50: COMEDY OF ERRS

Here we are for episode FIFTY - in which Mr Yeti is reunited with The Smellcast team: Toppie Smellie and the rest of his gang. Paul and Toppie discuss old sitcoms, The Shy Life Podcast regulars chat with the Pickle Hollow team and all manner of hilarity ensues! Our next episode, number 51 - sees Mr Yeti catching up with a lady who most folk wouldn't say Boo to! It'll be out soon!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 50 was recorded between the 10th December 2016 and the 20th January 2017. This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud.

50: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-50-comedy-of-errs

With the release of episode 50, January has seen six new podcast episodes and I'm currently working on the first episode for February, which hops us back to early December for a chat with Brenda Boo from DRIVE TIME TONOPAH and the LOTSL PODCAST... I'm quite excited by the line up of episodes for this month - which also includes our Valentine's episode, which will be episode 52... I'm not going to make any definite promises of the order of the episodes after that - but there will definitely be another live episode coming up on the third Sunday of the month,  19th February 2017.

Our prose piece this time is called CHAINED TO THE PAST... I wouldn't say that we were chained to it exactly - but as I mentioned earlier I have been posting more Sutton Park episodes on Youtube - this time from December 1995. Here are the links...

1149: https://youtu.be/JZIqQULmdww

1150: https://youtu.be/cHfXVKTq6DE

1151: https://youtu.be/W_AirPsQOLY

1152: https://youtu.be/FPSxQs-g4JA

...And here are some stills from those episodes - featuring regulars Andrew T, Nick G, Elaine and Keith M (before they were married!) and Andy C... Oh, and me, of course!

Next time, there will be more podcast things and either new prose or something about the new book, which is due any day now...

Anyway, that's all for now...

Take care - more soon,

Yeti hugs,

Paul (aka Shy Yeti) xx

P.S. I came up with the idea for this piece whilst talking with DJ Starsage and Duchess Sue for a SHY LIFE PODCAST episode in late November 2016 - but I didn't decide to definitely write the story until I was editing this episode in mid-January 2017. I noted down the idea on Wednesday 18th January 2017 and began writing the piece the following day, tweaking it as I wrote and extending the initial sentences until it was finally completed and posted on Thursday 2nd February 2017.

CHAINED TO THE PAST...

It's never easy being a ghost...

But such situations can often depend on where it is you died...

Most end up either haunting the place where they became deceased -

Or the place that they most regularly frequented during a traumatic period of their life...

When it comes to where you're based it's a pretty one location existence...

If existing is even a term one should really use...

When you watch old movies they make it seem as if you can hop about the place...

That you can go about haunting whomever you choose...

But what would they know? If only it was that simple...

We'd all be sitting on sun loungers in the South of France, sipping cocktails...

Getting revenge on old foes rarely works out that simply -

Not unless they are living wherever it is that you met your death...

Then also consider that should you somehow help instigate their demise -

By creeping up behind them and whispering "Boo..." - by scaring them...

Then you will probably find yourself sharing a bathroom -

With the newly minted resentful spook that you helped to kill...

It a mine-field... There are more problems than solutions...

Believe me "life after death" is no fun. I'm sorry, but it's often pretty bleak.

Sure, if friends and relatives know where you are then they can always visit;

Most never bother, of course - it's too "difficult" for them.

Let me just say, it's not exactly a whole bundle of fun for us, either...

The only visitor I've had in the last few years -

Was an eccentric exorcist from Hemel Hempstead...

Thankfully we all showed him the door before he showed us his exocising talents...

"Wouldn't you like to be exorcised? Wouldn't it give you closure?"

I hear some of you asking... How would you like it?

Let me tell you - more often than not it doesn't work the way it's supposed to...

Let's just say you don't end up anywhere that you'd choose to spend eternity...

I would rather remain here where I am, thank you...

It's not ideal - but it can have it's perks if you have the right attitude...

Here we are - ghosts in a Belgravian mansion house where we were all once in service -

We all deal with it differently - some of us deal with it better than others too...

I must say it annoys the hell out of me when I see how some of them act...

I spent the best years of my life running around this house -

Making sure that the master and mistress got everything that they wanted...

I wore myself down and died before I had time to retire...

Well, now I'm dead. Now I'm retired.

Sure, I'm haunting this house, but don't expect me just to pick up where I left off...

No - I will not clean your shoes, pour you a Scotch or call you daddy...

It's not going to happen any more...

As I have said, I have one or two friends who are in a similar situation to myself -

Whose former bosses thought that using the resident ghosts was a way to cut costs...

How cheap can some people be? None of us are here now to work...

Am I the only one to think this way? Sometimes I think I must be!

Many of my dead peers seem to simply fall back in line... But why?

I watch my colleagues and I wonder why they feel they need to slip back into their old roles...

Old Mrs Grace still likes to help out in the kitchen...

Sarah the maid continues to help out in the library...

Simon the butler was last seen in Lord Henry's room late at night...

Mary the housekeeper has been seen tutting and overseeing the living cleaners -

It seemed to work - they're certainly sweeping faster these days...

But that's not the point...

Sit down - chill out - have that cocktail...

Why don't they listen? Why don't they take it easy? It's their loss...

I try to lead by example - but I seem to be the only one...

Let me make myself clear...

I accept that I am chained to the past - but I won't also be chained to the kitchen sink -

And any who do waste their death trying to help the living are foolish beyond compare...

It is no way to spend an after-life...

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

THE PROS AND CONS OF LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD...

SHY YETI ESCAPES ONCE AGAIN...

Hello beasties!

The word "escape" should probably me my middle name - pretty much all of my creative writing and all of my podcasts are a form of escape for me in one way or another... Ha! They work that way for you too? Oh well, then I'm very glad and applaud you for joining me on this crazy journey... *high five* Actually... No. That's so mid-90s.

First up, we take a quick look at my two most recent podcasts and I also share with you a brand new prose piece which is all about living your life in a fantasy world; I think that's kind of fitting, don't you? I wrote it especially for this post - although it will eventually appear in one of my books...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 48: OUR 4TH LIVE PRIDE48 SHOW!!

Here we are for episode FORTY EIGHT - and it is our 4th live Pride48 show already! This time we take a ride on a UFO, catchup with some of the regulars and discuss the topics of the moment with the chat-room; Paul also finds a diary of his from when he had just turned 13! Thank you to all those involved in the production of this episode, especially to Toppie Smellie and Sassy. Our next episode, number 49 - will include a chat with our guests DJ Starsage and Duchess Sue - to be released soon! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 48 was recorded on Sunday 15th January 2017, with added material recorded between 9th and the 14th January 2017. This version of the episode also contains exclusive extra content that was not broadcast on the night of the show - including a newly recorded interview with Nick Goodman about his experience of "stage fright" and acting live on stage.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

48: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-48-our-4th-live-pride48-show

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 49: D.J. AND THE DUCHESS

Here we are for episode FORTY NINE - where, battling technical difficulties, Mr Yeti catches up with D.J. Starsage and The Duchess Sue from the Faraway Nearby Podcast. We also hear from some of the regulars. Our next episode, number 50 - sees Mr Yeti reunited with his favourite gang of podcasters from Pickle Hollow. It'll be out soon!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 49 was recorded between the 27th November 2016 and the 12th January 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

49: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-49-dj-and-the-duchess

So, before we go I have a new prose piece called LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD, which I'd like to share with you...

LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD was written between Wednesday 11th and Thursday 19th January 2017 - with some tweaking up until the time it was posted. It was partly inspired by one of my favourite subjects for writing - taking things literally, with straight face, but tongue in cheek. One of the many podcasts that I regularly listen to is called BIG FATTY ONLINE, and it includes a character who is known as Poodle McNoodle. Now as long as I've been listening I have always pictured her to be, quite literally, a talking poodle - as one of her best friends is called Squeaky Kitty, who is clearly some kind of dog toy! I queried with Big Fatty as to whether this was the case, having discussed the subject with friend and SHY LIFE PODCAST guest, Jay The Hauntcub and was shocked to discover that Poodle is meant to be a lady! Shocker! In the end it turned out that I was not the only listener who believed Poodle to be a talking dog, although one of these people was my podcasting twin, Toppie Smellie; so I guess it was less of a surprise that we thought alike. Anyway... This lead to me writing the prose piece at the end of this post...

Next time, there will be more information on recent podcasts - either a yeti script or another prose piece and we also draw ever closer to the launch of our BEAST OF FRIENDS special, our new script-book, YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

Take care - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul (aka Shy Yeti) xx

P.S. Whilst I'm here I should mention that I'm almost ready to release the second season of HOT STUFF and am about a month away from also completing the second season of KENSINGTON GORE. I'm thinking that it might be nice to release them both on the same day; possibly in April, once I'm back from my Easter holiday. Watch this space!!

LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD...

"You live in a fantasy world..." she once told me.
Accusing me - index finger pointed - like this was a bad thing...
So what if I spend my time amongst eccentrics and curios -
Many of my own making; what does it matter?
These tales take me to places that I would never get to go to otherwise...
These characters are my companions on all manner of weird and wonderful adventures...
They exist to me in a more real sense than many people who I meet on a daily basis or have known for years...
Where else can I be best friends with a talking banana, for instance!?
That's not something that happens a great deal where I come from -
I feel privileged to be able to experience that; who wouldn't!?
Look around you - look at the dullards sitting on your train or on the bus...
Look at them - tippy-tappying on their mobile phones to perfect strangers...
Do they look like the sort of people who you'd enjoy conversing with?
I don't think so. Do you? Be honest now...
But a talking banana in a pink bandana wearing expensive shades...
Now that would be fun, right? Cool, even...
Remember, this is not just any talking banana in a pink bandana and shades...
Oh no...
This banana comes ready loaded with wit, kindness and words of wisdom...
He's been places - he's seen things... He's miraculously not gone either shrivelled nor speckledy...
This is clearly no ordinary banana...
Oh, and his name is Sir George-Felix De Funk Funk...
I mean, who wouldn't want a friend with a name like that!?
"Hi! Let me introduce you to my friend Sir George-Felix De Funk Funk!"
Do you hear those words tripping crisply off your lips?
Doesn't it sound good?
"He's an astronaut, you know - he's been to Jupiter and Pluto, Mars even...
Not only that but he's been Number One in the charts in Sweden every week since July 1983..."

Still, it's up to you... 
You could simply not bother - you could just stay in your comfort zone...
"Here's Emily... She has 16 children and works in a shop... badly... 
Isn't her hair awful!
Here is her husband, Steve... He likes football and screaming silently in bus-stops...
What on earth is his problem?"
I think we both know which of these people we'd rather be friends with...
Quick hint: it's neither Emily nor Steve...

Meanwhile, I could go on all day about George-Felix De Funk Funk...
But that would mean that I didn't have time to tell you about his flat mate...
Sherbert...
Now Sherbert, you see, is a 15 foot giraffe who does drag at weekends...
On which occasion he manages to make it to a neat 20 foot...
Unless he's got his beehive wig on and then he's probably closer to being 25 foot tall...
No surprise, I suppose, that he's a fireman-giraffe...
You should see him when he's out there and up a ladder being heroic...
It's like all us people have just shrunk right down until we're ant-sized;
It's crazy!!
Come back next week and I'll tell you all about Suzette -
Part-time astronaut - telepathic walrus and budgerigar impressionist...

I'll see you then...
I mean, who could deny such stories? 
Who could honestly seek to crush such flights of fancy?
She could. That's who.
She could.

"You're characters don't exist - they are fictional..." she often likes to tell me.
"You're not right in the head - you live in your own little world..."
She's right, of course - but it is something that I am blushingly proud of...
"What are you thinking!?" she shouts at me. "What are you thinking!?"
I'm pretty sure she doesn't really want to know the answer and so I just smile;
This, of course, only infuriates her even more...
I will not be drawn into her madness...
No, I sit and I smirk - simply shaking my head...
"Ah no..." I confidently reply. 
"My characters ARE real - 
It is the rest of the world that is make-believe..."

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

2017 IS TICKING ALONG NICELY, THANK YOU...

A FEW PHOTOS AND A NEW SHORT PROSE PIECE...

Hello beasties!

This week I'm heading back to Salisbury again, where I grew up... Yes! I know - I was only there a week or so ago, just after Christmas - but I have been back there to launch one of our recent podcast episodes; much of which was recorded there... 

Okay... That's not, strictly speaking, true - it's actually my mum and dad's birthdays and I have a dentist appointment - but that first statement sounds better, right!?

Anyway - I will, hopefully have a new prose piece for you at the end of this post...

Let me share with you our two most recent podcast episodes!!

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 46: SHY YETI'S WINTER WEEK...

Here we are for episode FORTY SIX sees THE SHY LIFE PODCAST pause the drama to do a quick recap of the week between Christmas and New Year! The result is an episode full of poetry, seasonal cheer, travel and special guests! Those guests include Paul H and all 4 members of my family, we will also be hearing from many of our regulars - with even brief cameos by Toby, Deeley, Nick G and Harry F! ...AND GUESS WHAT!?! IT'S OUR LONGEST EPISODE YET!!! Don't worry - it's very varied; we think you'll love it! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 46 was recorded between 24th December and 1st January 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

46: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-46-shy-yetis-winter-week

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 47: OUT WITH THE OLD...

Here we are for episode FORTY SEVEN - where we present the resolution of our New Year's Eve show (episode 45). Who will survive Cromitty's evil plan and what can the Paul's do to help! Once this is resolved we join Paul and John as they file through some "lost" material from the podcast - a mixture of memories, poems and chats, including one with Mr Nick Goodman. There is also a slightly sinister piece that was originally sent for inclusion on a another show. Our next episode, number 48 - will be a recording of our next live show - released soon! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 47 was recorded between 5th and the 10th January 2017, with "lost clips" dating back to August 2016 and the autumn.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

47: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-47-out-with-the-old

This weekend just gone was my 4th LIVE Pride48 broadcast and this time I was broadcasting from my parent's house in Yeti Manors. I also recorded a number of different interviews and chats with Nick Goodman during my stay - and one of these talks appears as an extra bonus on my recording of that live show; due out any day now... More about that next post!

Here below are some photos from my trip to Salisbury just after Christmas - where I was reunited with my favourite niece, Alena. She and I can be heard nattering away on episode 46 of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - although there is more madness to come in a future show - as I recorded a complete episode with her and also with my dad, brother and mum during the same trip. You'll probably have to wait until February or March to hear that one though.

Oh - and I've also begun to randomly load episodes of the old SUTTON PARK series onto my MRSHYYETI Youtube account... Nick has been busy converting them to digital - but rather than release them in any specific order I am currently just picking pairs of episodes to showcase different eras of the show, which originally ran between 1992 and 2000,

The first two episodes released are from August 1995 and star myself, my brother and include cameos from my Great Aunt Jessie Chandler, not to mention the odd appearance from my mum and dad. The episodes are taken off the master-tapes so do not have any title sequences, sound effects or music. I may get around to doing more with them once I get around to spending more time on the project - but it really depends on how much interest there is in me doing so, as to edit and add material is time consuming and I don't want it to eat into my podcasting or writing time, which is already limited. The unedited episodes are between 7 and 11 minutes on this occasion - so not very long - with some nice location work in Yorkshire.

This is a bit of an experiment - the unedited footage from episode 988 of the original Sutton Park series, from August 1995. There is no music or special effects on this version of the episode - as they were never completed; this copy comes from the original tapes.

Here are the details:

SUTTON PARK - PART 988

Link: https://youtu.be/-TfpsTQHZ7A

Brief synopsis: Paul is on holiday up North with his family - but there are evil things going on - namely the return of one of the wickest of the Sutton Park enemies!!

SUTTON PARK - PART 989

Link: https://youtu.be/za3V8jHZ88Y

Brief synopsis: Auntie Jessie has gone missing! With Katrina Hortensia on the loose - can Paul and Graham save Auntie before her old nemesis, Katrina, does something wicked and evil to her!?!

I hope to load further episodes and to include audio clips in SHY LIFE PODCAST episodes in the near future. There are also many of my SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes recorded between about 2010 and 2012 on this account, not to mention the SUTTON PARK SW1 reboot episodes from the same time. It's nice to see that they're still being watched, with some of them having had 1000s of hits since they were first loaded.

Next time I really do hope to begin telling you about my long awaited BEAST OF FRIENDS - MOVIE SCRIPT, otherwise known as YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS - which has been a long two and half years in the making! Yes, indeed...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. I came up with the idea for this short prose piece on Tuesday 10th January 2017 having found some old letters whilst clearing out boxes back at my parent's house. What occurs in the piece has not directly happened to me - but it is easy to imagine it doing so and some of the details (such as me being a prolific letter writer) are true to life. Often when going through letters you find things that almost seem to have re-sealed themselves - having only been read once twenty years ago... One could almost believe that they had never been opened... What if they hadn't been opened somehow? This could be the last communication you ever experience from this much loved person - even though they are long since gone and chronologically it might not be the last thing they ever said to you; but it's still a poignant moment. In the end, having made notes on the 10th, I wrote the piece between Wednesday 11th and 17th January 2017 for publishing in this particular blog-post.

GREAT AUNTIE JESSIE'S LAST LETTER...


Filing through boxes of old memories brought down from the loft -
I find an envelope of letters dating back to the 1980s...

I'd been a prolific collector of pen-pals as a teenager...
When most kids are out there in search of romance -
All I wanted was people to write to from all over the world...
I had them too - about fifty of them...
Many were connected with a television show that I was passionate about; still am really.
I wrote to many of them for years - but as time went on - those numbers dwindled...
Some, of course, had become friends in real life...
As I grew older I also grew more mobile -
And the friends that I'd made and gotten on with most successfully -
Became easy to meet up with...
By the time I was at University in the 1990s,
I was back to just writing to one of two people...
I still sent a lot of postcards when I was away; again still do...
But as far as letters were concerned it was mainly just a couple of old school friends -
And my beloved Great Auntie Jessie....
There were many letters written between us and I have kept a number of them -
As mementos of our time together...
She is gone now - but it is always good to be reminded of my trips to see her...
To read back over plans either about to happen -
Or reviewing ones that, at the time, had just occurred...
Holidays shared - usually as a family, even in my late teens...
We often shared a villa when we went away to Spain...
I was never the sort of child who particularly cared whether I spent time -
With people much older than me - in fact I preferred them to people of my own age...
Reading through those letters I am reminded of the many weekends -
Spent with her and the cats, drinking gin and tonic and playing cards...
Nice lunches had out at local hotels or even nice dinners cooked by her....
At the time I really thought those days would never end...

I see it now - lying amongst the opened letters...
There is one there from Auntie that doesn't appear to ever have been touched...
It has my name on it - but it seems to be sealed...
How could it be that I never read it?
Could it be a trick of the light? Might it have resealed itself?
The loft gets damp in the winter... Could that be it?
I hold the letter in my hand...
It's 30 years old - the postmark confirms that...
But it doesn't look damp and mostly certainly it doesn't look like it's ever been opened...
Maybe this one slipped through; I did used to receive so many...
Could it have been sent just before one of our meetups?
Maybe it was written just to confirm arrangements; without need for reply?
Perhaps... Perhaps.... Perhaps, it just got lost - now fortunately found...
I'm not imagining things...
This letter - this new letter - is really there...

Gently I tear it open...

As I begin to read, my vision begins to blur; misting over...
This is Auntie's last letter to me...
How glad I am to finally receive it now...
So unexpected...

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.