MORE BEASTLINESS... COMING SOON!

THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON FOUR (A PREVIEW)

Hello beasties!

This week I'm going to give you a little run-through of the four double-episodes that make up the 4th and final season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS... This year, I've been moving almost as slowly on my writing projects as I have on my actual bandaged legs at the moment (long story!), but I have finally completed the proofreading of the final script and have just sent off for a test copy from lulu.com before I release it in a few weeks time. As for what comes next I can't really tell you much about the spin-off series until season 4 is released - so let's just focus on the last four scripts of the BEAST instead.

SCRIPT 1: CRIMES OF PASSION

Just as Colin's life hangs in the balance he receives a visitor who appears to know the future. Meanwhile, the house is full  of strangers - but what exactly they want is hard to fathom; although it would appear that one of them doesn't actually have a reflection...

 

This script introduces some new characters - one of them a new foe who appears throughout this final season - while the others are colleagues of Copernicus Smith and may be familiar to those who already know my work... Colin is still in hospital and still in danger - but will the enemy make her move or will things be trickier than that? This season there are only four scripts - but they are double-length episodes. In a way this way good for developing character interactions, especially during the final season of the series - but generally I prefer to write the short length episodes. As much as I like writing dialogue I am also a big fan of busy plot-lines and it is easier to write those when you have regular cliff-hangers to work to every 10 to 15 pages.

 

SCRIPT 2 : A JOURNEY TO THE OTHER SIDE...



Katrina decides to accept her fate and will accompany Roland and his associates back to the other side – however unknown to Horner, Warren and Colin it is not Katrina but Velma who has accepted this plan. Meanwhile, Nigel tries to match-make Warren with Copernicus, whilst the real Katrina realises that rules are sometimes there to be broken when she is offered a way out – but with a catch…

There is a lot of game playing in this episode - but just who knows what and who is completely oblivious. One way or another nobody is going to get exactly what they would like - especially not "the friends". This script also features a character from the third season who is due to play a big part in the last two scripts of this season. It was nice to have Copernicus, Roland and Nigel to work with in this episode - as they are characters that I have written about for twenty five years. I have returned to a number of other old characters from the same era whilst writing HOT STUFF!! one of the new spin-off series from BEAST. 

SCRIPT 3: THE SCANDALMONGERS...
 

Lots of bad things are going on… Somebody is causing trouble for Horner, Warren and Colin – whilst Katrina must deal with her problems without them. Two old adversaries return – one a member of the press – the other one is a real mother…

I enjoyed writing this script most of all this series and it was nice to have some returning characters - one in particular that is especially close to my heart, although I can't really reveal who right now. This episode also sees Katrina doing her best to solve the problems of the household - even when she can't be living there in person. Things are starting to unravel and events build to a conclusion that will be resolve one way or another in the final script of the season. I got to have a lot of fun writing this script - but was also keen to reflect on some of Katrina's personal battles; aware that I needed to be careful with balancing the serious with the silly and not going too far either way. 

SCRIPT 4:  FANGS FOR THE MEMORIES

Life is completely upside down! Horner has been dragged into the sewers by a creature that came up his bath plug-hole. Katrina has just strangled Ashley. Colin and Lucy are facing an unknown terror in the basement of the pawn shop. Shy Yeti is on the run and Warren hears bad news from Copernicus and Co… That’s only the tip of the ice-berg in what we present here as the very last episode of Beast.

Ah well, so the episode summary above gives away the two returning foes from script 3 - Ashley and Shy Yeti; but maybe things are not quite as they seem. Ashley doesn't appear very much in this script - however Shy Yeti does make a cameo; I do so like getting to mock myself! There are a number of other returning characters in this final episode - but, I can reveal, nothing from Cromitty and Clive - two of the main characters who I sent packing in the second season and then exploded to high heaven during the third season. The cast they are a-changing, with Lucy now part of the main team, but I also remained strong when it came to killing off a main character towards the end of the episode. I definitely continued to mix the dramatic with the daft - a rather silly beast or two to balance the tragedy of a key character being killed off. As I wrote the ending I saw it more as the end of a chapter, rather than the end of everything; especially as I had already begun work on the spin-off series by this stage. Oh yes, and then there's one other thing I still had to write - THE BEAST OF FRIENDS MOVIE SCRIPT!!! But more about that another time...

Next time - it's almost the big day... THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - SEASON 4 is due out  the week beginning 12th October - but firstly I have a trip to Devon to share with you... There will be photos - some chitter-chat and hopefully a short story involving the character of Horner from BEAST as he goes to seek the advice of THE MYSTIC CATS OF TORQUAY!!! I kid ye not...

More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx
 

All contents of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.

WHAT I DID ON MY HOLIDAY - PART TWO...

MISTER YETI ON HIS HOLS...

Hello beasties!!

This is the second of two posts inspired by my trip to Grange-Over-Sands back in late August. This time I share with you a selection of photos and a short story that I worked on whilst I was away...

Firstly I'd like to announce that we do finally have a date for the show at the poetry café... It's going to be Thursday 29th October 2015 - so relatively soon. The good news is that John Smallshaw will also be joining us to read on the night. There has been a bit of a restructuring at The Poetry Café this year, as far as booking shows is concerned, so I'm just glad to have been able to organise something before the end of the year. I'm quite keen to keep up my record of having performed at The Poetry Café every year since 2008 - not to mention my own personal record of having done at least one show a year (there or elsewhere) since then. Of course - I've also been keen to do a show which celebrates the 10th anniversary of POETIQUETTE as it is the 8th and final collection to be reissued as a solo volume. The other seven books have already had Poetry Café shows dedicated to them - so it is nice to be able to round off the series for this eighth collection. But enough of my waffle - here's the poster...

More on that nearer the time...

Next up, I should probably remind you of my recently released 10th anniversary edition of POETIQUETTE.

POETIQUETTE, first published in 2005, was Paul’s eighth self-published collection and his seventh to include completely contemporary compositions. Even back then he was writing his daft yeti verse, but until now POETIQUETTE has only been available alongside its sister volume MUGSHOTS (also recently re-issued), so this is the first time it has stood alone. This 10th anniversary edition contains photos and facts about the book and many of the poems Paul still performs today – these include, BEING COY, CAKE AND EAT IT, HOPELESS ROMANTIC?, I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS), MISTER BEE, RED TAPE, SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN and A YETI’S FUR, but many that he doesn’t; at least not yet! Sit back and enjoy!

Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/poetiquette/17040496 £7.99

Hardback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/poetiquette/17110198 £14.99

Next up I'd like to share with you the last of my photos from my trip up to Grange-Over-Sands and the surrounding area...

HOLIDAY GALLERY II

We'll be back again next week when I'll be previewing the 4th season of THE BEAST OF FRIENDS - as that is finally ready and due to be published in October... The post after that I'll probably be posting something about a long weekend I am spending in Devon at the beginning of next month... More about that when it happens!

There's a short story coming up, the first half of it written in Morecambe on the 19th August 2015...

More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx

FISH AND CHIPS ON MORECAMBE PROM...

He took her to Morecambe Prom for fish and chips that day, intending to call it off. He'd met somebody else - someone less clingy, someone younger and with better prospects; somebody who had her own car and didn't need ferrying about all the time like she did - somebody who didn't still live with her mother, even at the grand old age of 38.

 It was August, but the weather was changeable; one minute blue skies and sun, the next big grey clouds crowded in threatening, though not as yet delivering their harvests of rain. There were only a few families on the beach

He went and fetched their fish and chips from Poulton's. It was her favourite place to get take-out and meant that they could sit in the town hall gardens just around the corner, by The Prom. She stayed in the car whilst he ordered - listening to a playlist of romantic bilge that she had compiled herself for them to listen to on day trips out in the countryside. He certainly wouldn't miss having that audio torture inflicted on him weekend after weekends. If he never heard Michael Buble again he would die a happy man.

There in the town hall gardens they sat and ate their fish and chips - coated in home-made curry sauce and scraps - and for a while neither of them spoke. This was his opportunity and he quickly took it, 

"Darling..." He began. "There is something I need to say..." She barely seemed to hear him, so distracted was she by her food and so he tried again. "Sweetheart... I brought you here today to say something important - it's something that should have been addressed some months ago but I've let the time pass for fear of your reaction..."

"Oh yes, dear - what's that then?"

But all of a sudden he found it hard to speak - something was stuck in his throat; a fish bone residing where it never should have. For a second he simply stared at her as the world began to go grey and she did the same - as he tried to mouth to her that he couldn't breath she lent down to listen to him just as he stood quickly upright and their heads clashed. Something like this could have ended up being even more of an inconvenience - but on this occasion it actually caused the fish bone to be jolted from his throat; suddenly he was breathing again.

"Thank you..." he gasped. "I was choking... There was a bone - it got stuck... You saved me..."

"Oh! You poor thing!" she exclaimed, looking uncertain. "Well, it was no problem... Are you okay? What was it that you were trying to tell me before?"

The emotions welled up in him and suddenly he was seeing her in a different light - either that or his brain was still suffering from a lack of oxygen, causing him to become disorientated...

"Will you marry me?" he blurted out. "Please say you will..."

For a second she paused, seeing their potential happy future reflected in his eyes; still feeling dizzy - knowing that she should feel cross with herself - for her plan had failed; after all she had so carefully hidden that fish bone in his dinner.
 

"Oh darling! Of course!" she cried, pulling him close, breathless with excitement. "Of course I'll marry you - the sooner the better..."

There will be other opportunities, she reasoned - other fish bones...

Until then, what harm could a little happiness do her...
 

MINI FACTFILE: This piece was written between 19th August and 18th September 2015, pretty much in two sections - the part of the story leading up to the wedding proposal in August, with the rest completed just before posting in September - although I had left myself notes for the ending when I began work on the story, although I did slightly change those plans slightly. Originally the story was going to end with him proposing - and then I decided to take the idea a little further, with the twist about the girl having accepted his proposal but not really wanting to - in fact initially she was actually going to run away with the fish and chip man - where it is revealed that she meant to choke him; her new lover suggests poisoning her fiancée with poisoned gravy - anyway in the end I decided not to take it quite so far, when I came to actually write those last couple of paragraphs. One other thing... The name of the fish and chip shop is the one we visited that day - it is one that Toby knew from years ago when he lived in that area. As it happens, I did once choke on a fish bone myself - I was in Balans on Old Compton Street - more than 10 years ago... It was Valentine's Day of all days and I was out with friends. I didn't mention the fish bone and politely excused myself - going down to the washroom quietly to die. Thankfully I didn't. I coughed it up almost immediately and then returned to the party. I've never forgotten that day though. Nasty things, fish bones. Avoid them, if at all possible. Especially swallowing them!

 

This post and all contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.

WHAT I DID ON MY HOLIDAY - PART ONE...

YETI ON THE SANDS...

Hello beasties!!

My next two posts are going to focus on my trip to Grange-Over-Sands in late August; with a selection of photos and a couple of short prose pieces that I worked on whilst I was away...

First up, as I don't have a bucket load of photos from the trip to share with you, I'll firstly remind you that I have just recently published the 10th anniversary edition of my 2005 poetry collection, POETIQUETTE.

POETIQUETTE, first published in 2005, was Paul’s eighth self-published collection and his seventh to include completely contemporary compositions. Even back then he was writing his daft yeti verse, but until now POETIQUETTE has only been available alongside its sister volume MUGSHOTS (also recently re-issued), so this is the first time it has stood alone. This 10th anniversary edition contains photos and facts about the book and many of the poems Paul still performs today – these include, BEING COY, CAKE AND EAT IT, HOPELESS ROMANTIC?, I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS), MISTER BEE, RED TAPE, SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN and A YETI’S FUR, but many that he doesn’t; at least not yet! So, sit back and enjoy!

Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/poetiquette/17040496 £7.99

Hardback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/poetiquette/17110198 £14.99

A GALLERY FROM GRANGE-OVER-SANDS

A few photos from my trip away, I didn't do a great deal - which I can't say I minded at all. I did do a little writing, read a book by one of my favourite authors and caught up with a few DVDS - Wayward Pines and Bad Girls - Series 5, amongst a few others!!

Next time, I'll share a little more about my trip away and I also have a new short story for you, that was inspired by the holiday...

More soon!

Yeti hugs, 

Paul xx

PS I began DIRTY OLD TOWN on the 19th August, after a day trip out and completed it the day on which it was posted.

PPS I'm still trying to get a date for the POETIQUETTE show, but the only date I have been offered, so far was a Wednesday in about 3 weeks time - which really isn't long enough in advance to properly prepare, promote or organise a show; so we're currently looking at late October into November.

DIRTY OLD TOWN

Dirty old town...

Loved by no-one -

Although those who live there profess a certain fondness -

Out of stubbornness or nostalgia...

Nobody likes to hear their home dissed by strangers;

Only locals are allowed to do that...

In truth they mourn the memory of the town they grew up in -

Pretty much all of them, at some time, tried their hardest to escape it...

When the time came very few were successful and most remained.

Like the town itself their paint soon began to peel.

Their hopes and dreams turned to rust...

Every day walking the same streets that seem to have been there forever -

That cannot be expelled by just the blink of an eye; that exist within...

Those who left are talked of often - became figureheads of life lived vicariously...

And yet...

In truth those who departed will all too soon end up calling some other dirty old place home;

Too mortified to ever admit that we can never escape the truth of our origins...

This post and all contents are copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.

TEN YEARS... AND A BIT!!

POETIQUETTE - 10TH ANNIVERSARY RELEASE... RELEASED!!


Hi beasties!

Well, it's been a long time coming, but this time I'm happy to say that the time has come to launch my long-awaited (by me!) 10th anniversary edition of POETIQUETTE... I also aim to launch a new section of my blog, this post, called ASK SHY YETI, but we will return to this later. First up, POETIQUETTE...

POETIQUETTE, first published in 2005, was Paul’s eighth self-published collection and his seventh to include completely contemporary compositions. Even back then he was writing his daft yeti verse, but until now POETIQUETTE has only been available alongside its sister volume MUGSHOTS (also recently re-issued), so this is the first time it has stood alone. This 10th anniversary edition contains photos and facts about the book and many of the poems Paul still performs today – these include, BEING COY, CAKE AND EAT IT, HOPELESS ROMANTIC?, I WANT THEM TO SEE ME (ON TOP OF THE POPS), MISTER BEE, RED TAPE, SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN and A YETI’S FUR, but many that he doesn’t; at least not yet! So, sit back and enjoy!

Paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/poetiquette/17040496 £7.99

Hardback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/hardcover-book/poetiquette/17110198 £14.99

To help launch this book I'm posting one of my favourite poems from this collection, but we'll come to that in a bit...

Next up - just for a change - I intend to ask a number of questions posed to me by my Twitter followers... I offered to answer questions about my writing, myself or simply to give advice on any pressing matters that my followers might have...

First up, my friend Julie asks: 

@JulieHowellDX: I have a question. I would like to know what inspires you the most and why. Travel or Cake. Thank you.

Well, Julie - that is a very good question... Believe it or not, I'd probably say travel - it's the sense of adventure more than anything. That said, what holiday - or adventure for that matter - would be any kind of fun without cake - or in Italy, without gelato; buckets of the stuff. I guess the most inspiring thing would be to travel to Italy in a plane or boat made from a giant pannetone. Although I think the overall answer is that it is the travel is the bigger inspiration - I could live without cake (as long as there was still pie), but I couldn't live without going on holiday!

My next question comes from Lesley A...

OK... Here's one. Which species do you think are more intelligent, dogs or cats? and your reasons why? I know it'll be a bit biased, considering Deeley is such a sharp cookie...

Well, Lesley - you are right, I am biased. But I did ask Deeley how many A Levels he had and he claims 6. I did ask him to show me the certificates, but I'm still waiting to see those... Seriously, though have you ever seen a cat wearing a Dunces Cap? No! Me, neither. I mean, dogs are lovely but they don't need Dunces Caps - their soppy, floppy faces say it all! Personally, I've not played Scrabble with a dog - well, not for a year or two - but I always used to beat them - and I'm the world's worst Scrabble player. Cats, on the other hand, always beat me at Scrabble. Every single time. You may not know this, but Deeley also likes to complete the Times crossword. Completely trashes me every time.

Hopefully, there will be more questions in October...

Next time, I hope to be sharing with you some photos and some new writing done whilst I was away with Toby in Grange-Over-Sands towards the end of last month...

More soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN…

 

I’m neither short nor tall enough...

Not hard – yet neither camp…

Seems life’s gone kinda lukewarm…

Neither hot nor wet – just damp!

For my shame, I’m just not mad enough!

No, neither harridan, nor prude…

You could say I’ve got the balance…

Not too polite – yet neither rude!

 

I’m caught somewhere in the middle…

I am somewhere in-between…

No, neither am I butch enough…

Yet never bitch enough for queen!

I’d like to either be the hobo –

Or a style-freak who is hip…

I’d like to say things that are witty…

But I just wasn’t born to quip…

I’d like to be the one they hate so –

Or be the sort that folk admire…

But I just don’t seem to register…

I do not bore – yet don’t inspire!

Well, I’m not a natural leader;

I’d rather simply wait and see…

In a crisis I’m oblivious…

Though, you’ll never see me flee!

I’m caught somewhere on the edges –

Or lost someplace down the cracks…

I’m just the kind comes two-a-penny…

Neither over-stressed nor lax!

Sure, I’m pretty even tempered –

No, I’ll not often tear my hair…

Though I won’t sit there and take it –

If you decide to not play fair!

I have imagination and I use it;

But with feet flat on the ground…

I don’t live up with the cuckoos –

Where my peers can all be found…

I’m quite surely indecisive!

I’m neither generous – nor mean!

I’m not the best – I could be bettered…

I’m just caught somewhere in between…

I’m neither bright nor dull enough…

Not super-fast – yet never slow!

Neither millionaire nor pauper…

Although I’d love a tad more dough?

My views are just not fully formed enough…

I’m unambitious – lazy, yes…

I will never win awards this way…

Nor am I bothered, I’ll confess!

 

I’m just not ever going to thrill you!

I’m not the most dynamic bod you’ve ever seen!

I’m neither one nor am I t’other…

No, just simply floating somewhere – in-between…


This post and all content are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.

HELLO, PETAL!!

A NEW SHORT PIECE OF PROSE...

Hello beasties!

This time it's just a new short piece of prose; something inspired by the photos that illustrate this post.

Next time I'll be launching the 10th anniversary edition of POETIQUETTE - which is now (almost!) ready to go. I've got my hands on a test copy of the book, now - and it's looking good. I'll be releasing it once I return from my trip to The Lakes; sometime around the UK bank holiday weekend - let's say 1st September 2015, for want of a date. I'll be celebrating this release by sharing all the details about the re-issue and posting one of my favourite pieces from the collection, SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN.

Now to move on to the new piece of prose; originally - when I began it on the 20th July 2015 - it was called FADING GLAMOUR, but by the time I came back to complete it on the 6th August it had become TIME IS THE THUG... It was completed today, just before I posted it. It's another slightly downbeat piece - but I promise I'll return to my usual daftness soon! Thanks for reading...

Anyway, that's it for now - more soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. One more photo of Deeley - well, two for the price of one, actually!

P.P.S. Back to the matter at hand...

TIME IS THE THUG... 

When he looks into the mirror -

It looks to him as if he's melting...

At least he's not alone...
It is not just him; but all of them...

All those whom he grew up with...
Has so much time really gone by?

Who is it who actually allowed this to happen?
Who had the right?
It only seems minutes since -
They were all so beautiful.
But all that beauty - all that glamour is rapidly fading now...
Soon it will only be preserved in old photos...
Soon it will be gone;

Life's biggest, cruelest joke.

There is no comeuppance for this thief.

Time is the thug that karma ignores.

A bully who will never face justice.

All contents of this post are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2015.