EXCITEMENT AND MAYHEM AT A FUNERAL FOR A SHOE...

Hello!

There's quite a lot going on at the moment; I've been busily writing short stories and poems for my next-NEXT book ARE WE THERE, YETI?, whilst putting the finishing touches to my official next collection: FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. I'm not quite sure when FUNERAL will be out - either late this year or I may hold it back until January 2012; especially as the 10th anniversary edition of JUNK/FOOD is due in November. I've also been busy working on new SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos - the first of which, set in the Isle of Wight, should be posted next week. Then I'll move onto the series I filmed in the States back in late July and early August.

Anyway - the main reason for this post is to list all the titles that will be included in FUNERAL FOR A SHOE. I promise to post one or two more pieces from it over the next month or so - once the VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE "campaign" is officially finished... I still have a video to edit which is all about that book! Eeeek Returning to FUNERAL I can reveal exclusively that there are far more prose pieces and stories in this book than poems. Oh yes, indeed! So, here are the titles...

ADOLESCENT CATS
ALL GONE
ALTERNATIVE ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLE
AN ACTOR’S LIFE
ANIMATING THE INANIMATE
ANOTHER ICON BITES THE DUST
AUNTIE ASTRID’S ANGST ARENA
BAD LUCK, SCARY!
THE BEAST OF FRIENDS...
BRAINS!!!
THE BUSKER
CATTY...
CLINGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE
COMING OUT…
A DANGEROUS CRAVING FOR INNOCENCE
DEATH OF A GIRL BAND
DODGING THE ASSASSIN’S BULLET
A DOG’S LIFE ON PRIMROSE HILL
DONE AND DUSTED
ELEGY AT THE FUNERAL FOR A SHOE – PART 1 to 5
THE END OF THE QUEUE
EXCHANGE TRIP
THE FACE
FLIRTING WITH A COPYCAT
FREE COFFEE
FROM ARGUMENT TO ORNAMENT
GOING OUT WITH A BANG!!!
A GOOD MURDER NEEDS PREPARATION
HAIR-RAISER!!!
HAPPY FOR THEM
HELL TOUPEE
HOT (FOR JUST ONE NIGHT)
THE HUNTRESS
I’M A STOOGE FOR YOUR LOVE
THE IMPOSTER
THE INEFFECTUAL ASSASSIN
INTERNATIONAL SQUID RESCUE
KARMA
KEEP IN TOUCH!
LOST INSIDE
LOVE-GO-ROUND
MARIA AND THE CAFÉ GIRLS...
MEMORY LOSS
THE MIND OF A CAT
A MOST BORING MAN
“MOTHER, MEET PARIS…”
MORE FROM AUNTIE ASTRID
MY HOT DATE WITH A GOOD BOOK
MY LAST WORDS
MY OWN COMPANY
A NEEDY VICTIM
THE NEW LION
NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE
ON THE COVER OF A (MUCKY) MAGAZINE
THE OPTICIAN’S DAUGHTER
PART OF THE FURNITURE
PAWS FOR THOUGHT
PEACE OF MIND IN A TEA BAG
A PERFECT MATCH
pSYCHOKILLERS sTILL hAVE fEELINGS
A QUESTION OF EYELASHES
A REFORMED CHARACTER
REST IN PEACE, PET
SCEPTIC
SEVEN TWENTY A.M., HUNGOVER
THE SMELL OF WET DOG ON THE BUS
A SOUVENIR OF THE TRIP
A SPECIAL KIND OF FAME
A SPIDER SPIED HER
A STAND AGAINST WORLD HUNGER
STOUT LEGS IN A SUMMER STORM
“SUCH A GOOD BOY...”
SUMMER SKIES
THEIR PAIN – MY PLEASURE
THEM VAMPIRES – SUCH CHARMERS…
“TICKETS PLEASE!”
TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS...
TWENTY FIVE YEARS LATER...
UNEARTHING THE PAST
WHY DO CUCKOOS SPIT?
WHY DO SPACEMEN ALL HAVE SUCH STUPID NAMES?
YOU CANNOT MAKE PARIS LOOK BORING
YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING
YOUR FINAL GIRL

Some of the pieces such as DEATH OF A GIRLBAND, FREE COFFEE, A PERFECT MATCH, "MOTHER MEET PARIS..." and LOVE-GO-ROUND have already made their debuts, either at shows or in my videos - or both.

That's about it for now - more about the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video next week, hopefully!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

A HAPPY RETURN TO THE COBALT CAFE - TUESDAY 2ND AUGUST 2011

Some of you may know - some of you may not, that I have just returned from two highly enjoyable weeks back in the States. I was over there for a couple of weeks - exploring more of L.A. with Mr Dominic McCauley (the John Steed to my Emma Peel) and also paying a trip to Portland, Oregon http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portland,_Oregon along the way.  Not only did I manage to write a couple of poems and a good few stories - but I also managed to film 2 or 3 new episodes of SHY YETI ON LOCATION, the first of these will hopefully be edited before the end of the month. I am currently at the proofreading stage of my next collection FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, but the stories that I have been writing since late July will appear in the collection after this, which is entitled ARE WE THERE, YETI? and will focus quite heavily on my summer trip and my return trip to L.A. in November. But more of that in future posts...

In addition to all this activity I was also invited to be the visiting poet for the night at The Cobalt Cafe in Los Angeles (Canoga Park, CA to be precise!), on my return from Portland, as you can see from the nifty poster below...

Some of you may remember that I read open-mike at the Cobalt Cafe last summer - for those who don't, but who are interested, I posted a video from my 2010 visit on youtube last year at: http://youtu.be/he0CQVgN_RE

Not to forget my SHY YETI IN HOLLYWOOD episode which includes an additional poem from that night: http://youtu.be/07Ay2pMvE4k

Returning to the here and now, it was a wonderful privilege to be invited to be The Cobalt Cafe's featured poet on the 2nd August. This slot allows more than double the time given to those reading open-mike and so I was able to read more of a mix of rhyme and prose during my twenty minutes.

For those of you who are interested I read the following poems - all making their U.S. live debuts here, although a couple of them have been recorded on location for previous SHY YETI ON LOCATION episodes... Anyway, these are the ones performed on the night.

DISCO YETI
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS
PICCADILLY CIRCUS
LAS VEGAS LIPS
COMING INTO LAND
GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED
TAKEN
THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR
IF SHAKESPEARE WERE AROUND TODAY
WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40!)

In a little more detail...

DISCO YETI

This piece dates from 2007 and is included in my RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR collection as well as 2009s SHY YETI RULES OK compilation. It's one of those pieces that I often read first as I usually read one that name-checks a yeti at the start of my shows.

THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS

One of my newest pieces - completed in mid-June 2011 and due for inclusion in my next book FUNERAL FOR A SHOE which I hope to be ready by late January 2012. It seems to be one that people like, having received a good reaction during our AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS) show back in June. It also appears in the video A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1 http://youtu.be/VJIoPk5WFeU

PICCADILLY CIRCUS

This is a quite early piece from 2002, originally from my ROLLERCOASTER collection - but also compiled in 2009s SHY YETI RULES OK book. I haven't read it a great deal lately - but it seemed to fit well as this was one of my poems from the night that I read to show my British roots!

LAS VEGAS LIPS

This seemed an obvious piece to read as it namechecks a U.S. city not so very far from Los Angeles. In fact I made a video for it having made my 3rd visit to Las Vegas back in December 2010. You can watch it in the SHY YETI ON LOCATION episode - A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD - PART 2 at:http://youtu.be/fF4OlsOeqTY  It can be found in my SHY YETI RULES OK (2009), but was originally included in POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL from 2006.

COMING INTO LAND

This is a piece that I began writing in 2010 during my first trip to L.A., although it wasn't completed until 2011 and was included in my recent THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection. As I didn't have enough spare copies of this book ready to sell it was my YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS collection, from earlier in the year, that I ended up promoting on the night. I introduced this piece as being the first of two poems about long distance relationships.

GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED

This was the 2nd of the two long-distance relationship poems that I read on the night. This is from 2010s YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS and I previously read it in Topanga Canyon in December 2010, during my second video - for inclusion in Part 2 of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series. (See link from LAS VEGAS LIPS above...)

TAKEN

This piece was originally from my THIRD TIME LUCKY collection from 2002, but was also revived for inclusion in SHY YETI RULES OK in 2009. It is not a piece that I have read very often - if at all, I'm not too sure now! My poor yeti memory! This is why I have to do such indepth blogs and fact-files in my books, as I'll never remember in 6 months time! TAKEN was one of my more prose-y pieces that I chose to read on the evening to (hopefully) show the range of my work.

THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR

This was the earliest piece that I read on the night - from my first collection JUNK/FOOD from 2001, although the actual poem itself was written back in 1992. It is also included in my SHY YETI RULES OK collection (2009).

IF SHAKESPEARE WERE AROUND TODAY

This is a another piece from my recent THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE from July 2011 and it made only it's second live performance here, having been debuted as my Poetry Cafe show back in March 2011. I chose it partly because it namechecked a great British icon - and partly because it also attempts to take the mickey out of the aforementioned icon; although I still maintain that this is exactly the way that Shakespeare would be treated if he showed up today!

WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40!)

The last piece read on the evening was from my IF POEMS WERE PIES collection from 2009, although it also appeared in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation from the same year. It is one that I have read towards the end of the night for a while and is my poem of choice to end with if I'm not reading I WILL EAT PIES, which I choose not to on this occasion. It's a bit too weird perhaps for an audience not used to my strange yeti ways! ;)

This was one of the few opportunities that I've had to highlight the range of poems that I have written in the last *almost* 20 years from THE TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR in 1992 to the very recent THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS from June 2011 - and so I was very pleased to be able to do so...

As a matter of completion, here are the other poems that were considered for the night! Yes, I didn't just show up unplanned, you know - Dominic actually timed me earlier in the day and I read a number of these other poems before deciding on the final line-up. Those poems that did not make it at the final hurdle - but which were practiced on the day and considered include: THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD, HOPELESS ROMANTIC, BACK THEN, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU, IF YOU WERE MY WIFE, OPEN-MIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and WE'RE AN ITEM NOW. Finally, others considered and rejected before I left the U.K. include ALL GIVE - NO TAKE, THE GREAT BOOKSHOP IN THE SKY, THE KING OF RHYME, OTHERWISE ENGAGED, YOU - ME AND THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, RECKLESSLY, WAVES, THE CUTEST GUY IN THE BAND, I KNOW HIM, NO-ONE EVER FELT COOL BUYING AN MP3, PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK, RESPECTABLE TEXTS, WAITING FOR GHOSTS and A SWEET TAIL.

I am pleased to announce that there is also a video from the show, SHY YETI - RETURNS TO THE COBALT CAFE!! which has just gone up on Youtube and Vimeo at the following links:

Youtube: http://youtu.be/o_Zm4wgiJSY

Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/27559840

Dominic recorded all 10 of the poems and this particular video contains 7 of the 10 poems that I read on the night and comes to a little under 14 minutes in length. I have kept back the other three poems for inclusion in my new SHY YETI ON LOCATION series YETI HUNT U.S.A.; the first episode of which should be available before the end of the month.

I'd just like to give a big thanks to Rick Lupert for inviting me to read at quite short notice when he heard that I was coming over, to Dominic for recording the poems - to my friends Patrick and Julia for coming along to watch, support and applaud me on the night (not to mention feeding me with an awesome dinner a couple of nights before!) I would also like to thank all those in the audience; some that I spoke with and some that I didn't, for their warm welcome. Thanks especially to those who either bought my "broadsheet" which included my poem A LEARNING EXPERIENCE or my SHY YETI RULES OK or YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS collections, which I brought over with me for the night.

They'll be more from me soon - but I shall let you go and watch the video now... *hint hint* ;)

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

INTRODUCING THE NEW BOOKS - AND A SAMPLE OF SOMETHING VAMPIRIC...

Hi, This post is just an excuse to post a couple of the short stories from the new THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection and to post some of the photos from the little party I had to launch the new books in London on Saturday 2nd July 2011. Thanks to everyone who came along!!

The first story is called THE BROKEN LIFT and the second is called THE CAT NEXT DOOR. I hope you enjoy them both. They're decidedly odd. Yay!

More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx

 

THE BROKEN LIFT

Tina and Martin knew the lift was broken because they’d cancelled the engineer themselves. The brakes screeched painfully as it arrived - but everyone else had already gone home.

Once inside they held hands and chose a floor. Immediately, the lift dropped like a stone, throwing them off their feet as it plummeted towards the basement; closing their eyes they awaited the impact…

Disappointingly it never came. The lift slowed of its own accord; eventually stopping altogether.

“Shame!” sighed Tina as they stood up. “Now what?

“Wanna play on the motorway?” Martin giggled - Tina nodded.

…And so they did.

THE CAT NEXT DOOR

I was drinking tea in the garden when I met my new neighbour’s cat. It was a friendly creature with bright ginger fur and oddly intense eyes – one blue, one green. I’d nothing to feed it, but later I baked a cake and went round to introduce myself to his owners.

Janet and Ernest were both teachers nearing retirement. For a while we chatted about gardening until their son, Nick, arrived home. He was a tall, handsome lad in his teens with wild ginger hair; his eyes – one blue – one green…

“Hello…” Nick grinned mischievously. “I think we met earlier…”

PHOTO GALLERY FROM THE BOOK LAUNCH

In order of appearance. Paul, Gibson, Gibson and Miles, Miles, Harry and Nick.

THE BROKEN LIFT and THE CAT NEXT DOOR and all photos contained within this blog post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011. Both these stories appear in Paul's new collection THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES, available from www.lulu.com - prices vary from £4.99 to £13.99 for various formats.

VAMPIRE COWS AND MICE OF COMMONS!

FINALLY - TWO NEW BOOKS RELEASED!!

Hi! This is just a quick blog to let everyone know that as of Friday 1st July I have two new books alive and kicking and ready for you to read; one of them more relevant to this particular blog than the other - although there are poems and Mouse Of Commonsy cross-overs in both books.

The first of the two books is my THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection, which I have been posting pieces here and performing at shows since earlier this year. Over the next week or two expect another sampler - and I am also currently working on a SHY YETI ON LOCATION video called BEWARE THE VAMPIRE COWS which should be up soon.

Here's some more information about the book...

THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER DAFTNESSES
304 Pages

Paperback: £8.99

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-vampire-cows-of-scunthorpe/16158464

Hardback: £13.99
http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/the-vampire-cows-of-scunthorpe/16161441

Download: £4.99

http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/the-vampire-cows-of-scunthorpe/16158465

THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE is a collection of over 100 poems and weird vignettes - not to mention all the usual nonsense from Mr Yeti including the 100-word stories: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DIVA, DEAD MEN DON’T YAWN, LAID, LEGGY BLONDE, A ROARING SUCCESS and the poems THE BARD OF BELGRAVIA, L.A. LIZARDS, A LITTLE MOUSE, A MONKEY’S UNCLE, the title piece and many more.

The second book is a the new Mouse Of Commons novel that I've been working on since Summer 2007. I'm am currently working on the sequel to this book, as well as completing a book of short stories written between 2007 and 2008. More information follows...

GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTERCLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM
400 Pages

Paperback: £9.99

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/gladstone-mcwhiskers-and-the-counter-clockwise-conundrum/16123767

Hardback: £14.99
http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/gladstone-mcwhiskers-and-the-counter-clockwise-conundrum/16161476

Download: £4.99
http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/gladstone-mcwhiskers-and-the-counter-clockwise-conundrum/16123768

GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM is the latest adventure featuring Gladstone McWhiskers, Mouse of Commons and Lords and his friends Oliver Louse, Shy Yeti, Granny Ernestina and Auntie Astrid. In this full length novel Charlie Grrr and Simon Yeti carry out a few unwise time travel experiments and end up unleashing the wrath of the legendary Bear Babok. Gladstone, Ollie and Astrid get sucked into some kind of time portal and end up in another century altogether. How will they get back and what time anomalies will their presence in the past cause to the future? This book also features a number of Auntie Astrid’s Agony Aunt columns, a photo gallery, a message from Gladstone himself and a short story about a cunning fox named Fleabag. This is the 11th Mouse Of Commons book - but can be read as part of or separately from the series.

Thanks again to everyone who has supported me lately and to all of you who buy either or both of these books; I hope you really enjoy them. Needless to say they've been very much part of my life of late and I'm extremely proud and happy with the finished book. Good 'ole http://www.lulu.com/! ;)

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

ALL KIND OF DAFTNESSES GOING DOWN IN YETI TOWN… ;)

Hi,

Just to keep you up to date with a number of things that have been going on over the last couple of weeks, some of them you may know about - whilst others may be a complete surprise… In which case it might be best that you don't read this until you have taken a seat and made yourself comfortable.

1) SOUNDCLOUD…

I mentioned a few posts back that I had begun to load poems from the albums SHY YETI FINEST HOME-BREWED VERSE (2007) and PIETRY IN MOTION (2008) onto SOUNDCLOUD. Last time I posted there were less than half a dozen; but there are a few more now. As of last week there are now 10 poems on the site - and they are:

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/alternative-lifestyles

MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/my-life-is-a-musical

THE INFATUATION DANCE:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-infatuation-dance

THE ONLY YOU THERE IS:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-only-you-there-is

BELLYBUTTON FLUFF TEA:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/belly-button-fluff-tea

WHAT BEARS DO:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/what-bears-do

ANIMAL CRUELTY:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/animal-cruelty

COLD-HEARTED KITTEN KILLER:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/cold-hearted-kitten-killer

GROOVE:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/groove

ALL GOOD PIES MUST END:
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/all-good-pies-must-end

Having used Soundcloud recently also made me think back to when I used BLOGTV quite a bit to publicise my poetry back in 2009. Although my account on that site now appears to have lapsed I really think I'd like to go back to using it again. Also - I've been thinking about doing a new compilation - another smaller one for sale at gigs and the like. It might be nice to include some of the pieces that I've recently posted on Soundcloud that haven't had a lot of exposure before, as well as some of the poems that I posted back in 2008 exclusively on Vimeo; along with some of my recent favourites. Still, what with all the other things that are going on towards of the end of the year with the 10th anniversary of JUNK/FOOD, I guess that will have to wait until 2012.

I've also discussed with Mr McCauley the possibility of me recording a new audio album of more recent poems whilst I am over in L.A. in late July and early August. Whilst I'm over there I also expect to be making my return to THE COBALT CAFE where I have been invited to be their featured reader on Tuesday 2nd August 2011; but more about that nearer the time.

2) ONLINE VIDEOS

I've posted three new videos on both Youtube and Vimeo - here are the details as they appear online...

A PERFECT MATCH

A PERFECT MATCH is a poem (of sorts - more of a sketch!) by Shy Yeti for Wood Green Animal Shelters which is due to make its live debut at The Poetry Cafe on Thursday 16th June 2011. If you would like to donate to this charity you can follow the link: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson/

Filmed, edited and posted single-handedly in less than 24 hours between the 14th and 15th June 2011. A PERFECT MATCH and this film is Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/rJqJ5cukaJk
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25155478

AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI AND OTHER ANIMALS

This is a film from the show that we held at The Poetry Cafe on Thursday 16th June 2011 which featured Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti), John Smallshaw and Gary Groves - all of whom appear within! Legendary superstar Wilfredo also appeared but does not feature in this particular video. The show was to raise money for Wood Green Animal Shelters - and to date we have raised over £162; although it is still possible to donate via the following link: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson Thank you to everyone who came to support us on the night, those who donated from afar - to all the performers, to Julie Howell for organising the event, also to Dan Hodges for filming and to Luca for allowing me to use his music.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/elRJeAeKEA8
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25376522

A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1

A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1 is the first of two episodes filmed in late April and early May 2011 in Paris and features Paul Chandler (a.k.a. Shy Yeti) and his faithful side-kick Mr Dominic McCauley as they explore the famous "City of Love"... There is lots of daftness, yeti-dancing and 3 poems - an old one called SHAKEN UP and two recent pieces; DEATH OF A GIRL BAND and THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS from an as-yet unpublished collection. The last poem appears from footage that was recorded during Paul's AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS...) show from Thursday 16th June 2011. Camera by: Paul, Dominic and Dan Hodges (for the gig footage) Music by: Luca. The film and its contents are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

Youtube: http://youtu.be/VJIoPk5WFeU
Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/25431824

This is actually the 2nd edit of A YETI IN PARIS - PART 1; the first version had a rather different order - but the finished project appeared to have some kind of glitch and would not transfer and so I started again from scratch on Monday 20th June 2011 and whizzed through this 2nd edit, which I now actually prefer. I had considered making this a 3 part series, but I now think I'll probably just stick to 2 parts - as I have a summer special video in the pipe-line, plus will undoubtedly come back from my L.A. trip with more footage for further American episodes.

Part 2 is currently being assembled and could well be up by next week!

3) THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE - AND OTHER DAFTNESSES

I was hoping that I'd be able to announce that I'd be publishing this collection a week or two earlier - but I am just ironing out one or two little mistakes that I have found in the formatting; that aren't visible on the pdf - but have been exposed when the draft version of the book was printed. Most peculiar. Anyway - I'm hoping that I can get it all sorted this week and that I will be finalising the project this weekend in time for the book launch picnic on Saturday 2nd July 2011.

Watch this space!!

That's about it for now,

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI (AND OTHER ANIMALS…)
POETRY CAFÉ, THURSDAY 16th JUNE 2011


Well, this was definitely my biggest show yet - with press releases, charity themes, videos - extra special guests and even mentions in the London press: http://londonist.com/2011/06/book-grocer-15-21-june.php

In case the link eventually ceases to work we were billed as: "Paul Chandler, John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and Wilfredo spend the evening with a shy yeti and other animals, at the Poetry Cafe (8pm)."

The guests were, as follows:

John Smallshaw

Star of BBC Radio 4's Arthur Smith's Balham Bash and the subject of a soon-to-be released documentary about his life ('A Fish Called Pythagoras').

Gary Groves

Notoriously reclusive; this is his live London debut.

Wilfredo

The boy from Granada who has become the darling of the British festival scene. Fresh from sell out performances at the Brighton Festival Fringe and London's Leicester Square Theatre. He will be performing at the Underbelly throughout the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

As far as Mr Yeti was concerned I got to be the host for the night AND read more than a dozen of my poems. A number of poems by the other performers were recorded by my cameraman: Dan Hodges - and all of my pieces were recorded in full, except for OH FLORENCE!!!

In the end the evening went as follows:

FIRST HALF
8.00-8.40pm

We began with Julie's introduction to the night and also a short discussion on the charity before moving onto my first few poems, which were as follows:

DISCO YETI
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
THE TRUE LIGHT
BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE

I started off with three of my more familiar poems - ones that I usually read at shows which I collected in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation from 2009. BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE is one of my most recent poems from YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS which I have performed three times, so far, this year - and also included in my SHY YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series.

Following these poems there were some awesome poems by John Smallshaw. More on these when we get around to posting a video from the night. It was then time for me to read a few mine of my own poems and to talk a little about the charity...

LOVE-GO ROUND
THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY GENIUS
OH, FLORENCE!!!

The first two poems here were very new and received their live debut; both of them are from my forthcoming FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection of poems and prose that I don't expect to be published until next year. OH, FLORENCE!!! is an oldie and one of my favourites and can be found in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation.

Following this section we had Gary Groves debut on the London scene which was really well received - before we broke for a 20 minute break.

SECOND HALF
9.00-10.10pm

Returning after the break - I read a couple of animal poems building up to the piece that I had been commissioned to write for the evening (of which there is a specially recorded video on youtube...)

LITTLE PIG
IF YOU WERE MY WIFE
MY DOG IN A DRESS
A PERFECT MATCH

LITTLE PIG and MY DOG IN A DRESS are, of course - old pieces which can be found in SHY YETI RULES OK. IF YOU WERE MY WIFE is a new one from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE which has received a number of performances this year - whilst A PERFECT MATCH was the sketch that was especially commissioned for the night - which will eventually find its way into my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection next year.

There was also a video made before the night of A PERFECT MATCH: http://youtu.be/rJqJ5cukaJk filmed on location in Central London on Tuesday 14th June 2011 and posted up the following day to help attract interest in the night and the charity.

After my appearance we then had more from the fabulous John Smallshaw and then a whole lot of craziness from Wilfredo which had the audience in a near state of knicker-wetting hysteria! You think I jest! But no... Wilfredo has that affect on people... In a good way... If that's possible! ;) After Wilfredo I returned for my last four poems and a bit of plugging for YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS and my forthcoming THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE collection.

FREE COFFEE
A LITTLE MOUSE
OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER
I WILL EAT PIES

FREE COFFEE is a new piece which received it's live debut here - but which won't see the light of day until 2012 for FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection. A LITTLE MOUSE is from my YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS book from earlier this year; whilst OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER is one that I've recently rediscovered from my 2009 collection IF POEMS WERE PIES. I had never performed it live, but really wanted to - and so I did! I WILL EAT PIES is my usual end of show piece - which can  located in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation, also from 2009.

I was really pleased to have time to fit in 15 poems on the night - the only other two poems that I had considered reading were THE SORRY TALE OF FRED THE DINOSAUR and THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE - PT 1... but I decided to debut a few newer poems instead.

I am currently working on a video of John, Gary and I - but more about that next time...

Thank you to all who came along and supported the charity - to Calum, Harry, Glyn, Dan, Robert, Tom, Vinnie and the other dozen or so people who I didn't get a chance to meet personally on the night...

Also a very big thank you to all those who could not attend and donated from afar - to Dominic, Stacy, Lorraine, Aidan, my mum and dad, Amber, Erik, Anita, Charlotte, Yvette...

I would also like to say another thank you to John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and Wilfredo for making the night so special - and for Julie Howell for making it all possible! It would appear the the total so far for the charity is £162.10, but a number of people are yet to donate - so that total could still go up. The online donation page is still active and can be accessed at: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson

I'll be posting again in a day or two about my recent soundcloud posts and the unfortunate delay with the first episode of the new SHY YETI IN PARIS series (never fear, after a hiccup it is on its way!); all that - not to mention the publication of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE…

That's about it for now...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI - AND OTHER ANIMALS....

Hello,

Yes! At last... The show that I've been hinting at for a while now...

It's called AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI - AND OTHER ANIMALS. I'll be hosting and reading some of my work and also, during the night we have performance poet GARY GROVES, Pantechnicon poet JOHN SMALLSHAW and superstar singing sensation, WILFREDO. It's at the Poetry Cafe on Thursday 16th June and it's available for booking NOW!!

If you want to come along then you'll need to book a (free) ticket via this link as spaces are limited: http://aneveningwithshyyeti.eventbrite.com/ The tickets are going to go quickly as there are only a limited number - so get busy and book yourself in, why don't you!?! *Your yeti commands you...* ;)

As far as the charity is concerned - the night is in aid of WOOD GREEN ANIMAL SHELTERS and you can either donate to the charity on the night or via the following link: http://www.justgiving.com/itgoeson/ if you are unable to attend.

You can read more about the charity at: http://www.woodgreen.org.uk/

In case you hadn't noticed you can now reach this site via our my new web address www.shyyeti.com - and I expect to be putting more information about the night, the charity and the other performers nearer the time.

Exciting, ey?!

More soon and also more news about future yeti goings (videos, books, events etc.) next time!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

SHY YETI GOES SOUNDCLOUDY!!!

Hi,

Just a quick post to say that I have just added a profile on Soundcloud - which you can find at the following link:

http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti

To date I have added 3 audio poems which were recorded in 2007 and 2008 for my SHY YETI'S FINEST BREWED VERSE and PIETRY IN MOTION albums that never really got official releases, but were given away with some copies of my books around that time.

I hope to load more poems over the next few weeks - but the ones that are currently available are, as follows:

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/alternative-lifestyles

MY LIFE IS A MUSICAL
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/my-life-is-a-musical

THE INFATUATION DANCE
http://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-infatuation-dance

The new book THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE is now as good as completed - in fact it's first copy should currently be being printed by http://www.lulu.com/ at this very minute! Once I receive my copy then it'll be released... So watch this space!!

June is looking like a busy month - with the 16th June Poetry Cafe show - the new book - more poems on Soundcloud - not to mention (hopefully!) the next SHY YETI ON LOCATION video... I'm also hoping to go back to open-mike night at Poetry Cafe soon too!

Enjoy the Soundcloud pieces!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

A SLIGHTLY-LONGER-THAN 60 SECOND CHAT WITH SHY YETI


Here is an interview that I did recently with a Beargrrrian magazine called THE GROWL GAZETTE – they know me over there due to my dubious connection with a certain Beargrrrian superstar named Charlie Grrr. The interview is mostly about my new book - YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS. So, here’s what they asked and what I said in reply – straight from the horse’s, erm – yeti’s mouth, as it were!

Q. So, Paul - tell us about your latest book. Firstly, what’s it called?

A. Well, the title is YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS – although that wasn’t the only title it went under. During the year or so I worked on it, it went under three different names – from THE DEATH OF LOVE to LOVE HUGS AND YETI FUZZ before I finally settled on this! I needed it to sound, at least, a little menacing – as the contents of this particular book are a little darker than usual…

Q. How does it differ from your last book DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? which came out last year on www.lulu.com?

A. I feel it differs quite a bit… There are more than just poems, this time there are also a few vignettes inspired by my visit to Los Angeles in August 2010 – not to mention nine short yet darkly-humorous horror stories. I’ve been getting back into horror over the last 18 months or so and so my ideas seem to be going down a sort of Joe Orton meets Stephen King path – and I’m very pleased about it too…

Q. Tell us about some of your favourites from the new book - which piece or pieces are you most proud of?

A. Well, I'm very happy that I've spent more time writing prose, recently… I am especially pleased with the short stories in this collection because I feel I’ve been able to write something that you might even class as a black comedy. My horror stories are horrible – but they are as much about the ludicrousness of the situation that the characters find themselves in than trying to be scary. For instance, in THE UNWANTED NEIGHBOUR the story is as much about the rivalry between an old woman and the monster who lives next door – with the moral that gossip is far more powerful as a weapon than sharp razor teeth! I’m also especially fond of a number of the poems – BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE, YOU – ME AND THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, JUST TO GET MYSELF TO YOU, GEOGRAPHY BE DAMNED, RESPECTABLE TEXTS, CUPCAKE, A FLEA TEA PARTY, A SWEET TAIL, WE’RE AN ITEM NOW and a number of others are already ones that have received nice comments at my shows or when recorded for videos and I hope in years to come I’ll still want to include these ones in my sets.

Q. How is the performance poetry going?

A. Good. Of course it’s still early days in many ways and I learn new things all the time. I still do shows at The Poetry Café twice a year and hopefully get the chance to read at other events along the way. This year is the first opportunity I’ve had to arrange a show with other poets so it’ll be very exciting to see how that goes!

Q. Are there any of your new poems that you feel are working especially well when performed live?

A. Definitely - and it's not always the obvious ones – sometimes it’s the ones I’ve asked the audience to pick randomly, which I’ve almost forgotten about – especially if it’s the older ones. I did one show last year where I provided the audience with the contents page of every book I had written up until that point and asked them each to select a titles from the contents page that they had been handed. In most cases they didn’t know the poem – but selected one for me to read by how much the title interested to them. It worked pretty well – nobody selected anything I really didn’t want to read, thankfully – but there aren’t TOO many of those. As for recent poems – any of the ones I mentioned earlier seem to be the ones working best; CUPCAKE always comes across in a far more sinister manner than I ever expected when I first wrote it. It’s like a stalking poem to a cake!!

Q. When is your next show?

A. I'm doing a show at The Poetry Café next month, Thursday 16th June 2011 with three other performers – John Smallshaw, Gary Groves and the legendary Wilfredo. It’s called AN EVENING WITH SHY YETI – AND OTHER ANIMALS and is for WOOD GREEN ANIMAL SHELTERS. I can’t really say anything more about it than that – but I do know it’s going to be very good!

Q. Will you be reading anything new?

A. Yes, indeed… One, maybe two new pieces – I suppose it depends on who you are and whether you’ve seen me perform my work before – to a lot of the audience it’ll all be new. But anyhew! Either way I am hoping to perform something new which I hope will appear in my FUNERAL FOR A SHOE collection next year. One A PERFECT MATCH is written especially for the night and the other I am also considering is called LOVE-GO-ROUND and was only written a few days ago; but keeps whispering in my ear asking to be performed. We’ll see – I won’t make a decision yet; although I expect to get to read about ten pieces on the night.

Q. Any other upcoming shows?

A. Well, following on from my April show I have another planned for mid-November which is really all about celebrating 10 years since my first collection: JUNK/FOOD was published back in 2001. I’m issuing a 10th anniversary special edition with new commentary and photos to coincide with that and I’m expecting to read some poems from this book that ordinarily I would probably try and avoid! As much as I like JUNK/FOOD it has one or two pieces written back in 1992 that make me blush just a tad – let’s just say I’ve written better pieces since. That said I still feel that I could turn them into something worth hearing when I perform them. I also intend to read quite a bit from THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE – which is the book that I have coming out in the summer. In addition to that I’m hoping to read some really new pieces and then one or two old favourites.

Q. How is the SHY YETI ON LOCATION series progressing?

A. Very well, I’d say. I have posted a number of videos up this year – the last two episodes of my A YETI BACK IN HOLLYWOOD series, a video called A YETI IN WINTER which was just 100-word stories, a performance video from my April 2011 show – not to mention finally getting around to editing SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN which I had intended to have ready last year, but which I ran out of time to finish. This last video appears in two parts – the first part featuring myself and Mr McCauley in various locations around London – as well as a yeti dance on a balcony on Manchester. The second episode was filmed in the English countryside and features a daft song, a rude limerick – silly accents – loads of out-takes and the only footage that survived from my trip to Venice in November 2010. The next series of videos was filmed in Paris in late April 2011 and should start appearing by early June – I’m not sure if that will end up as two or three episodes. There are also a few more episodes that I hope to film over the summer, including a return to Los Angeles in July and a general mooch around the English countryside – rather like last year’s SHY YETI IN THE COUNTRY episode.

Q. What about the forthcoming Paris episodes? Anything you can tell us about? Mr McCauley is back again, we hear?

A. Absolutely. All who watched the 2nd SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN episode will have seen a few Paris clips at the end – basically it’s all in the can – not that there’s actually a can; but I’m only just starting to edit the episodes now. I managed a number of new stories – an old poem – a yeti dance and a number of daft sketches with Monsieur McCauley. We filmed near The Louvre, Eiffel Tower, Montmartre, Pere Lachaise – basically anywhere we could. I just hope viewers enjoy it!!

Q. Can we expect to see any other parts of the States during your next trip?

A. Yes, indeed. Other than the usual L.A. location I expect to be taking a trip out to Portland, Oregan for a few days – so I’m hoping that I can set an episode there too. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be filming until I get there – but will probably read some new pieces and short stories from THE VAMPIRE COWS book. I also expect to be back in The States in November – but who knows what I’ll get up to then! There may even be a film from another European destination – but we’ll see!

Q. Will you be returning to open-mike in L.A.?

A. I'd very much like to if they'll have me back and there is time. My priority is to spend lots of quality time with Mr McCauley and then secondly recording more videos and taking photos for which ever book I'm working on by then.

Q. And you've nearly finished another book?

A. Yes… Two really! But that's just the way it often seems to happen… It's not as if I finished work on YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS in March and then began the next one in April - I began THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE in October and have been working on it since then whilst I was proofing the other collection. It’s just that every day I write it’s nice to work on some fresh writing – to spend half an hour or an hour to write a poem or some prose; but the reverse of that and the more boring side is the proofreading. So the balance is that I’m usually writing something new whilst putting the finishing touches to an older book.

Q. It still sounds like you came up with lots of ideas very quickly? How come?

A. I’ve always had a lot of ideas and I write every day – I had a pretty prolific year back in 2009 too, but on this occasion I blame it on those 100-word stories. I already had half a book written which was mainly poetry – but then suddenly I had a lot of ideas that really suited this 100-word format and once I had those ideas it was quite easy to write two or three a day whilst commuting to work or during a lunch break. Other than cutting them down to 100 words they didn’t need a lot of proofing – so the whole process of writing the second half of THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE went very quickly between January and March 2011.

Q. You read some of the stories during an episode of SHY YETI ON LOCATION didn’t you? Will you still be writing poetry?

A. I certainly will – in fact I finished one over the weekend called LOVE-GO-ROUND which I hope to read at the Poetry Café show in June. But you’re right – I did read some of the 100-word stories and probably will do again; I’m certainly focussing more on prose at the moment – but in different forms. For instance, the book after VAMPIRE COWS which I am currently working on, called A FUNERAL FOR A SHOE, has a mixture of prose and poetry – but I’ve already moved on from writing 100 word stories to writing maybe 500 to 1000 word pieces; something with a little more meat but which might not be any longer than, say, two sides of A4 paper. Basically I’m writing in all sorts of formats – not imposing too many rules and regulations and just seeing what happens… I’m also finding that I’m writing more about things or places or experiences that I’ve been involved with lately. I guess what I’ve been writing about lately are more just bizarre black comedies rather than necessarily horror or ghost stories out-right.

Q. And what is the other book you mentioned?

A. The new Mouse of Commons novel - the first since 2008’s GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS THROWS IT ALL AWAY (the other Mouse books since then have all been short story collections.) I’m quite excited that it is nearly done as I’ve been working on this book on and off since 2007 and now that it’s finished I am already thinking about its sequel – not to mention finishing off a number of other Mouse short stories that are all finished, except for needing to be typed up.

Q. Well, that's about all for now - can I ask one more question? What ever happened to Sutton Park SW1?

A. Ah, I knew you'd ask that one! There are a number of episodes in the can ready to go – but I’ve just not had time to edit them as well as writing the books and working on SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. I’m hoping to get more episodes edited later this year and into 2012 – which is the 20th anniversary of the show.

Q. That's good news. Thank you, Paul.

A. That's okay, thank you for having me – hopefully we’ll growl again soon.

So, there you have it! More soon! Yeti hugs, Paul xx



This interview was conducted in May 2011 and is Copyright Paul Chandler/Growler Gazette 2011. 

POETRY VIDEOS AND SOMETHING ELSE FROM THE NEW BOOK


Hi, I've just loaded up the first video of my Poetry Cafe gig from the other week. It includes the poems YOUR APRIL FOOL, YOU DON'T EXIST, CAT THIEF, BAD STUFF I WISH WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU and THE MEN IN WHITE COATS ARE MY FRIENDS...

It can be viewed at either: http://youtu.be/TMdn9tnz62w via Youtube or http://www.vimeo.com/22362996 on Vimeo.

Also - rather lost in my review of the show were links to my other new video: SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN - PART 1

This video can be viewed on Youtube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ar9iGgcnHc

Or on Vimeo at the following link: http://www.vimeo.com/21857799

Here is another new poem from YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS - one that I also read at The Poetry Cafe on Saturday 2nd April 2011, which was selected by audience member Maggie Hughes. It was actually one that I wrote near the start of the writing for that collection so I'm slightly guilty of having forgotten it a bit - especially as I've written another book and a half since writing the contents for YETI HUGS. Anyway, it's called WE'RE AN ITEM NOW and it can be read below.

More news soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

WE’RE AN ITEM NOW...



We’re an item now...
So what do we do?
Simply go out to dinner –
Or just stay in to screw?
We could maybe do both –
‘Cos it’s all about timing...
Our love is more about fun –
Than it is social climbing!
But we spent many months –
Every breath we were flirting!
But now I’m holding you close –
It’s still quite disconcerting!
But we’re an item now –
So you can do what you like...
You can ravish me, freely!
So come on baby, strike!!


We’re an item now...
So what should come next?
Should we try cyber sex –
Or would you rather just text?
We can take turns at each –
If you think t’would be nice...
Are my whispered sweet nothings –
Your idea now of spice?
May I call you my love?
May I flatter you meekly?
May I swoon in your arms?
Once a month; even weekly?
‘Cos we’re an item now...
So, what will every day bring?
You are mine; I am yours!
Your insatiable plaything!!


We’re an item now...
It’s a cool place to be!
May I hold tight your hand?
Might I fondle your knee?
Slip your head by my neck –
Let me massage your arm...
Well, a bottle of red...
That’s my i-dea of charm!
I will try hard to be –
Your glad servant adoring...
There on call hand and foot –
Not out boozing nor whoring!
Yes, we’re an item now...
It’s a big deal, no doubting...
I want you all full of smiles...
Not down-hearted nor pouting!


We’re an item now...
That’s the deal; you and I...
I’d like to snog off your face;
Well, at least let me try!
I’m so glad that we met –
You and I surely suit...
I’m so lucky I’ve met –
Someone so hella cute!
Come elope with me, love –
I would feel oh-so humble...
On our own desert island –
Let us frolic and fumble!
We’re an item now –
Pile our love on in heaps...
Yes, every kiss is incredible –
‘Cos we’re in this for keeps!

WE'RE AN ITEM NOW appears in Paul's recent collection YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS which was published in late March 2011. All content included in this post are Copyright Paul Chandler 2011.

MR YETI LIVE (AGAIN) AT THE POETRY CAFE - SATURDAY 2ND APRIL 2011

Hello again!

This post is going to be all about my Poetry Cafe show from last weekend - with the usual breakdown of what exactly went on and which poems that I read. I'm not sure if it was just me, but it seemed to be a quite hot evening for early April - but a few of my poems were quite fiery so that worked okay! *drip, drip, drip!*

I read 38 poems in all - as follows:

FIRST HALF

YETI SPAGHETTI

YOUR APRIL FOOL *

YOU DON'T EXIST *
I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES *
CAT THIEF *
PICCADILLY CIRCUS *

A FLEA TEA PARTY *

BAD STUFF I WISH WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU *

THE PARENTS TURN AGAINST THE CHILDREN *

CUP CAKE
THE MEN IN WHITE COATS ARE MY FRIENDS *
FILM STAR *
DEAR AUNTIE ASTRID...
CAN YOU FORGIVE HER? (TENNANT/LOWE) * (SOME)
RESPECTABLE TEXTS *
LITTLE PIG *
OH, FLORENCE!!! *

SECOND HALF

STREETLIGHT GLAMOUR *
WE'RE AN ITEM NOW *
DISCO YETI *
RECKLESSLY
I NEVER SAY NO TO PIE...
COMING INTO LAND * (SOME)
BRAINS!!! *
COMING OUT... *
IF YOU WERE MY WIFE *
D.J., DARLING
A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING
KITTEN SPIT, ALABAMA *
LAID *
LEGGY BLONDE *
THE NEXT TRAIN DOES NOT CALL AT THIS STATION *
A MONKEY'S UNCLE *
IF SHAKESPEARE WAS AROUND TODAY
MY DOG IN A DRESS
THE TRUE LIGHT
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
I WILL EAT PIES

Please Note: All videos with an asterisk (*) aside them indicates that they were filmed by Dan Hodges for inclusion in future SHY YETI LIVE and SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos. In all 26 out the 38 pieces were recorded.



In a little more detail:

FIRST HALF

YETI SPAGHETTI
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

I like to begin my shows with a yeti referencing poem - although I bodged that idea in the second half. This was originally written as the title piece for a collection of poems for children which, as yet, has not been finished. The yeti that appears in most of my books and on t-shirts and stickers was designed for use in this project. This poem originally appeared in my 2008 collection SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE CRUST COLLECTION.

YOUR APRIL FOOL *
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

I was a day late reading this one, which originally appeared in my 2007 collection RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR. It's just a simple piece about someone revelling in being made a fool by somebody they love - simply because they adore them so much. I'm pleased that Dan recorded this one as it's about time it had some video to represent itself.

YOU DON'T EXIST *
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

This is another old piece - that first appeared in POETIQUETTE from 2005. It's a bit of a broken-hearted one, of course though - but then you need a balance after all my daft pieces about pies and yeti!!

I AM NEVER INVITED TO ORGIES *
From: MUGSHOTS (2004)

This is one that I recorded on Vimeo back in 2008 and is also one of my highest rated poems online. It's a funny old piece - as I said at the show on the night; I'm not sure if people watch it because they genuinely like it or because they think it's going to be rude. It's really not terribly rude at all and is merely the cravings of a frustrated housewife; my attempt to write something in the style of either Victoria Wood or Pam Ayres.

CAT THIEF *
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

This is one of my favourites which originally appeared in IF POEMS WERE PIES (also 2009). It's perhaps the nearest thing I've written to a rap, but it's a pretty silly one all in all - I always enjoy reading it.

PICCADILLY CIRCUS *
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

One of my older pieces, which originally appeared in ROLLERCOASTER (2002). It was inspired by my boss, Anita, who can often be heard to say (quite rightly!) "It's like Piccadilly Circus around here..." when the library gets particularly busy.

A FLEA TEA PARTY *
BAD STUFF I WISH WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU *
THE PARENTS TURN AGAINST THE CHILDREN *
CUP CAKE
THE MEN IN WHITE COATS ARE MY FRIENDS *
FILM STAR *
All from: YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS (2011)

Six pieces from my new collection - the first I recorded a video for last summer during my SHY YETI OUT IN THE COUNTRY episode, whilst the second, third, fifth and sixth pieces I'd not performed before. CUP CAKE is one of the oldest from that collection and also appeared as a sampler in my 2010 book A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI; I have also performed it at a number of gigs.

DEAR AUNTIE ASTRID...
From: THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE (2011)

This is included in my forthcoming VAMPIRES COWS book, this also appears in my next Mouse of Commons novel GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE COUNTERCLOCKWISE CONUNDRUM. Coming up with these Auntie Astrid pieces is some of my favourite writing work in the last five years. This piece is about a goldfish who wishes to become a shark.

CAN YOU FORGIVE HER? (TENNANT/LOWE) * (SOME)
Pet Shop Boys song lyrics (1993)

This was my cover version for the night. Last time it was Noel Coward - this time it was The Pet Shop Boys. It's probably one of my favourite lyrics of all their songs.

RESPECTABLE TEXTS *
From: YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS (2011)

Another piece from the new book - this one I've included on the blog and was included in my new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video: SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN which was posted on the afternoon of the gig. (More details below) I hadn't intended to read this as I'd read it at open-mike quite recently - however one of the audience members, Maggie Hughes, especially requested it. So who am I to refuse!?!

LITTLE PIG *
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

Another favourite of mine, which was originally included in my 2008 volume SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION. It was written at my friend Vinnie's house back in the day... Under his alter-ego of BEARSOUP, Vinnie designed Mr Yeti and was also in the audience for this show, which is partly why I read it.

OH, FLORENCE!!! *
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

And another favourite!! I have read this a number of times at shows. It's one of my silliest and weirdest pieces - but I have a very soft spot for it. It originally appeared in my THIRD TIME LUCKY book from 2002.

SECOND HALF

STREETLIGHT GLAMOUR *
WE'RE AN ITEM NOW *
From: YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS (2011)

The 2nd half was supposed to start with DISCO YETI, but Maggie requested these two - as she already had the book and had chosen those as her favourites... STREETLIGHT GLAMOUR, I know to be a couple of other people's favourite from the book - and I'm glad she asked me to do WE'RE AN ITEM NOW as I had forgotten that it's quite a nice one to read aloud. Sometimes taking random requests to read poems ends up with me discovering pieces that I've never performed before. It's all good!

DISCO YETI *
RECKLESSLY
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

Although both from different collections these were both collected together in my SHY YETI RULES OK compilation which I recently re-issued as an updated edition for 2011. DISCO YETI originally comes from my 2007 collection RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR, whilst RECKLESSLY originates from 2004's LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED.

I NEVER SAY NO TO PIE...
From: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008)

This is a piece from a few years ago which I rather enjoy reading - I think it's one of the ones that missed out being read in my November 2010 show. Mmmmm. Pie.

COMING INTO LAND * (SOME)
BRAINS!!! *
From: THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE (2011)

A couple of new pieces from THE VAMPIRE COW book - the first a short poem written just before I landed in Los Angeles during my first trip there in August 2010 and the second a pretty short story involving zombies - of a kind... But I can say no more!!

COMING OUT... *
From: FUNERAL FOR A SHOE (2012)

This is a very new piece - in fact I had only written it a couple of days before reading it at the show. It comes from the book after next which I have just started, called FUNERAL FOR A SHOE - which I guess will be ready in the first quarter of 2012. It 's a poem about coming out - as a poet...

IF YOU WERE MY WIFE *
From: THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE (2011)

This is one of my more recent favourites - written in early 2011 for inclusion in the VAMPIRE COWS book, due out in July 2011. It is dedicated to my good friend and "wifey" Jo. The first time I attempted to read it at an Open Mike night in February 2011 I ran out of my allotted time just two lines before the end - so I was glad to be able to read it - unrushed - on this occasion.

D.J., DARLING
From: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS? (2010)

This is from last year's collection and is one that I wanted to read at my November 2010 show - but which I ran out of time to fit in. It was written whilst I was staying in Nice for a long weekend in late-September 2009.

A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING
KITTEN SPIT, ALABAMA *
LAID *
LEGGY BLONDE *
THE NEXT TRAIN DOES NOT CALL AT THIS STATION *
A MONKEY'S UNCLE *
IF SHAKESPEARE WAS AROUND TODAY
From: THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE (2011)

The first five of these are 100-word stories that I wrote earlier this year for inclusion in the next book. A MONKEY'S UNCLE is a new rhyming poem and IF SHAKESPEARE WAS AROUND is either a sketch or a prose poem, however you want to look at it. A DISORGANISED LIBRARY is one of my earliest 100-word stories that I wrote in 1994. I also allowed the audience to select between the following:

a) FROM ARGUMENT TO ORNAMENT, A DISORGANISED LIBRARY IS A VERY BAD THING, FENIX FROM THE FLAME

b) HER SUMMER HOLIDAY, KITTEN SPIT - ALABAMA, LAID

In the end I read two of these...

c) OPEN MIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, HARRASSING THE SUN (GIBSON), IF SHAKESPEARE WAS AROUND TODAY

Harry called for the SHAKESPEARE piece - Gibson called for HARRASSING THE SUN, but Harry got there first. On this occasion, towards the end of the show - there wasn't really time for both. I'm glad SHAKESPEARE got the call, because although I like all three of these I knew I'd enjoy reading that one most of all.

MY DOG IN A DRESS
THE TRUE LIGHT
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
I WILL EAT PIES
From: SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

Although these poems were originally from different collections they were all collected in my compiled SHY YETI RULES OK volume which I have just issued an updated edition of. I won't go into too much detail on these as they are the usual ones that I tend to finish the night with.

Which were my own personal favourites of the night? I'm not being egotistical here - I just mean which ones did I enjoy reading most on the night or thought worked the best.

I'd say probably I enjoyed performing IF SHAKESPEARE WAS AROUND TODAY the most. I enjoyed doing the dodgy wheeler-dealer voice - although I got so carried away I ended up reading the start of MY DOG IN A DRESS in the same accent! I definitely enjoyed reading the 100-word stories as they are new and a little different from what I have done before. I also enjoyed reading CUP CAKE, because it's quite creepy and FILMSTAR allows for a bit of acting - which I also found fun to do. Reading anything that an audience member chooses without being provoked is also very flattering...

Which brings me to to audience member Maggie Hughes who I would like to thank for reading ahead and arriving at the show with a few favourites from the new book that she requested I read. So, thank you Maggie for making my "job" easy here by suggesting some of the pieces that you wanted to hear.

Poems or stories which narrowly escaped being peformed on the night included: CATFOOD IN YOUR EYEBROWS, CRASHTESTBOYFRIEND, JUST HOW SLUTTY ARE LIBRARY BOOKS?, CHILLI PEPPER FINGERS, THE BIRTHDAY THAT NEVER WAS, THE BARD OF BELGRAVIA, FROM ARGUMENT TO ORNAMENT, FENIX FROM THE FLAME, HER SUMMER HOLIDAY, OPEN-MIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, HARRASSING THE SUN, DO SHEEP MIGRATE?, SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA, THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS, NO-ONE EVER FELT COOL BUYING AN MP3 FILE, I WANT YOU NOW... (NO I DON'T!), MY MOMENT IS NOW!!!, THE INEFFECTUAL ASSASSIN, A MOST BORING MAN, YOU TRULY WERE THE HANDSOMEST..., I LOVE YOU LESS..., A LITTLE MOUSE, LAS VEGAS LIPS, THE KING OF RHYME and ENGLAND LOVES YOU.



Lastly I can also announce the good news that the first episode of my 2 part "lost" SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN series also went online on Saturday 2nd April 2011 - just before I headed off to The Poetry Cafe for the show.

Details as follows:

The video can be viewed on Youtube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ar9iGgcnHc

Or on Vimeo at the following link: http://www.vimeo.com/21857799

I hope to get on with editing the 2nd SHY YETI VERSUS AUTUMN video which has footage from both Surrey and Venice (Ahh! Beautiful Surrey...) during April - as well as posting a SHY YETI LIVE video from the 2nd April 2011 show. Dan Hodges recorded approximately 45 minutes of my performance - which I intend to include in future episodes of SHY YETI ON LOCATION rather than posting it all at once. I will be announcing the location of my special European episode later this month (if I haven't let that slip already somewhere - I forget now...) This episode will be filmed between Thursday 28th April and Sunday 1st May 2011. What I will announce here is that I hope that there will also be a new London episode filmed between Friday 22nd and Wednesday 27th April 2011 which will guest star Mr Dominic McCauley - who will also be appearing in the mysterious "European episode!" too. These episodes should keep you going through May and early June when I intend to film another episode to be posted in late June - before I return to L.A. again in late July!

So - all go on the video front and more information as it happens. I also expect the new Mouse Of Commons book and THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE book to be out by early July - but we'll just have to see how things go!

Anyway - I hope to post a new poem in the next week or so...

But for now, thanks again to Baz, Calum, Harry, Gibson, Miles, Vinnie, Jo, Maggie, Robert and Dan for attending the show - also to everybody who sent me nice Facebook messages and texts before the event; especially Dominic!!! An additional thank you to Dan Hodges for recording so much of the show for me.

Yeti hugs,

Paul xxx

P.S. I am a very bad yeti... I forgot to mention that the show was also in aid of charity and to thank people for their donations. The evening was in memory of a former colleague, Rohinton Sethna who also used to support my work but who sadly passed away last year. In his memory I made the show a charitable event in aid of The British Heart Foundation. I am pleased to say that between the audience at the show and colleagues at work we all raised nearly £100 for the charity. Thanks again.